Congratulations! Your efforts on 10/30 resulted in the most successful Troll Tuesday in Slashdot history. Rob Malda, ESR, Michael Sims, Jamie McCarthy, and even VA Linux felt the brunt of our wrath, and the effects are permanent and signifigant...
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda began early Wednesday angrily coding new troll-deterrents into his flavor of SLASH 2.2f14 ("faggot version 14" of SLASH 2.2). Currently being filtered are the strings "truth," "gay," "homosexual," and even the word "Linux!" We're clearly forcing Slashdot to turn in on itself in its efforts to guard against trolls, and lose sight of its original focus!
Jon Katz has already contacted lawyers regarding libel suits to bring against Slashdot trolls because of the many illicit, likely true but furiously denied claims of anal rape and sodomy love between he and Rob Malda that appeared on 10/30. Among the claims he is denying are that he rapes rabbits, has had sex with Hemos, Rob Malda, and virtually all of the VA Linux staff, that he never graduated high school, that he can not write, and that he is a Satanist neo-Nazi kike Jew faggot cum lover.
Michael Sims and Jamie McCarthy spent most of the day in a panic(k)ed conference call with ESR, brainstorming ways to quell the tsunami of trolls. Finally agreeing on a strategy, Jamie further enhanced code in SLASH to forget IP address harvested by the commenting system; this brought a lot of heat from Larry Augustin but Sims, McCarthy, and ESR gangfucked Larry's ass and all was well by the end of the onslaught.
Two other unprecedented achievements the trolls won 10/30 were the renaming of VA Linux and the dropping of Kuro5hin.org from VA's OSDN.
After posting the Linux Gay Conspiracy over and over on 10/30, VA Linux knew the truth was out and could only hope to hide the facts afterward, and so changed their name from VA Linux to VA Software. Linux faggotry was revealed and VA's hand was forced! Good job, trolls!
VA was also cornered into dropping Kuro5hin.org from its banner of homosexual websites-- for eons now Slashdot trolls, feeling solidarity with their k5 brethren, had been posting the truth about VA's Nazi attempts at censoring heterosexual propaganda posted on k5. After 10/30, however, the game was up and straight white truth prevailed. Again, congrats on this and the above unprecedented success in trolling!
All in all, Troll Tuesday 2001 was a great success. The trolls came out in force, using their skills and creativity, and forced changes in SLASH, Slashdot, VA Software, the OSDN, and the lives of Slashbots everywhere.
Thanks, trolls & crapflooders of Slashdot, who are now heroes of this generation.
Congratulations! Your efforts on 10/30 resulted in the most successful Troll Tuesday in Slashdot history. Rob Malda, ESR, Michael Sims, Jamie McCarthy, and even VA Linux felt the brunt of our wrath, and the effects are permanent and signifigant...
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda began early Wednesday angrily coding new troll-deterrents into his flavor of SLASH 2.2f14 ("faggot version 14" of SLASH 2.2). Currently being filtered are the strings "truth," "gay," "homosexual," and even the word "Linux!" We're clearly forcing Slashdot to turn in on itself in its efforts to guard against trolls, and lose sight of its original focus!
Jon Katz has already contacted lawyers regarding libel suits to bring against Slashdot trolls because of the many illicit, likely true but furiously denied claims of anal rape and sodomy love between he and Rob Malda that appeared on 10/30. Among the claims he is denying are that he rapes rabbits, has had sex with Hemos, Rob Malda, and virtually all of the VA Linux staff, that he never graduated high school, that he can not write, and that he is a Satanist neo-Nazi kike Jew faggot cum lover.
Michael Sims and Jamie McCarthy spent most of the day in a panic(k)ed conference call with ESR, brainstorming ways to quell the tsunami of trolls. Finally agreeing on a strategy, Jamie further enhanced code in SLASH to forget IP address harvested by the commenting system; this brought a lot of heat from Larry Augustin but Sims, McCarthy, and ESR gangfucked Larry's ass and all was well by the end of the onslaught.
Two other unprecedented achievements the trolls won 10/30 were the renaming of VA Linux and the dropping of Kuro5hin.org from VA's OSDN.
After posting the Linux Gay Conspiracy over and over on 10/30, VA Linux knew the truth was out and could only hope to hide the facts afterward, and so changed their name from VA Linux to VA Software. Linux faggotry was revealed and VA's hand was forced! Good job, trolls!
VA was also cornered into dropping Kuro5hin.org from its banner of homosexual websites-- for eons now Slashdot trolls, feeling solidarity with their k5 brethren, had been posting the truth about VA's Nazi attempts at censoring heterosexual propaganda posted on k5. After 10/30, however, the game was up and straight white truth prevailed. Again, congrats on this and the above unprecedented success in trolling!
All in all, Troll Tuesday 2001 was a great success. The trolls came out in force, using their skills and creativity, and forced changes in SLASH, Slashdot, VA Software, the OSDN, and the lives of Slashbots everywhere.
Thanks, trolls & crapflooders of Slashdot, who are now heroes of this generation.
Congratulations! Your efforts on 10/30 resulted in the most successful Troll Tuesday in Slashdot history. Rob Malda, ESR, Michael Sims, Jamie McCarthy, and even VA Linux felt the brunt of our wrath, and the effects are permanent and signifigant...
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda began early Wednesday angrily coding new troll-deterrents into his flavor of SLASH 2.2f14 ("faggot version 14" of SLASH 2.2). Currently being filtered are the strings "truth," "gay," "homosexual," and even the word "Linux!" We're clearly forcing Slashdot to turn in on itself in its efforts to guard against trolls, and lose sight of its original focus!
Jon Katz has already contacted lawyers regarding libel suits to bring against Slashdot trolls because of the many illicit, likely true but furiously denied claims of anal rape and sodomy love between he and Rob Malda that appeared on 10/30. Among the claims he is denying are that he rapes rabbits, has had sex with Hemos, Rob Malda, and virtually all of the VA Linux staff, that he never graduated high school, that he can not write, and that he is a Satanist neo-Nazi kike Jew faggot cum lover.
Michael Sims and Jamie McCarthy spent most of the day in a panic(k)ed conference call with ESR, brainstorming ways to quell the tsunami of trolls. Finally agreeing on a strategy, Jamie further enhanced code in SLASH to forget IP address harvested by the commenting system; this brought a lot of heat from Larry Augustin but Sims, McCarthy, and ESR gangfucked Larry's ass and all was well by the end of the onslaught.
Two other unprecedented achievements the trolls won 10/30 were the renaming of VA Linux and the dropping of Kuro5hin.org from VA's OSDN.
After posting the Linux Gay Conspiracy over and over on 10/30, VA Linux knew the truth was out and could only hope to hide the facts afterward, and so changed their name from VA Linux to VA Software. Linux faggotry was revealed and VA's hand was forced! Good job, trolls!
VA was also cornered into dropping Kuro5hin.org from its banner of homosexual websites-- for eons now Slashdot trolls, feeling solidarity with their k5 brethren, had been posting the truth about VA's Nazi attempts at censoring heterosexual propaganda posted on k5. After 10/30, however, the game was up and straight white truth prevailed. Again, congrats on this and the above unprecedented success in trolling!
All in all, Troll Tuesday 2001 was a great success. The trolls came out in force, using their skills and creativity, and forced changes in SLASH, Slashdot, VA Software, the OSDN, and the lives of Slashbots everywhere.
Thanks, trolls & crapflooders of Slashdot, who are now heroes of this generation.
Congratulations! Your efforts on 10/30 resulted in the most successful Troll Tuesday in Slashdot history. Rob Malda, ESR, Michael Sims, Jamie McCarthy, and even VA Linux felt the brunt of our wrath, and the effects are permanent and signifigant...
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda began early Wednesday angrily coding new troll-deterrents into his flavor of SLASH 2.2f14 ("faggot version 14" of SLASH 2.2). Currently being filtered are the strings "truth," "gay," "homosexual," and even the word "Linux!" We're clearly forcing Slashdot to turn in on itself in its efforts to guard against trolls, and lose sight of its original focus!
Jon Katz has already contacted lawyers regarding libel suits to bring against Slashdot trolls because of the many illicit, likely true but furiously denied claims of anal rape and sodomy love between he and Rob Malda that appeared on 10/30. Among the claims he is denying are that he rapes rabbits, has had sex with Hemos, Rob Malda, and virtually all of the VA Linux staff, that he never graduated high school, that he can not write, and that he is a Satanist neo-Nazi kike Jew faggot cum lover.
Michael Sims and Jamie McCarthy spent most of the day in a panic(k)ed conference call with ESR, brainstorming ways to quell the tsunami of trolls. Finally agreeing on a strategy, Jamie further enhanced code in SLASH to forget IP address harvested by the commenting system; this brought a lot of heat from Larry Augustin but Sims, McCarthy, and ESR gangfucked Larry's ass and all was well by the end of the onslaught.
Two other unprecedented achievements the trolls won 10/30 were the renaming of VA Linux and the dropping of Kuro5hin.org from VA's OSDN.
After posting the Linux Gay Conspiracy over and over on 10/30, VA Linux knew the truth was out and could only hope to hide the facts afterward, and so changed their name from VA Linux to VA Software. Linux faggotry was revealed and VA's hand was forced! Good job, trolls!
VA was also cornered into dropping Kuro5hin.org from its banner of homosexual websites-- for eons now Slashdot trolls, feeling solidarity with their k5 brethren, had been posting the truth about VA's Nazi attempts at censoring heterosexual propaganda posted on k5. After 10/30, however, the game was up and straight white truth prevailed. Again, congrats on this and the above unprecedented success in trolling!
All in all, Troll Tuesday 2001 was a great success. The trolls came out in force, using their skills and creativity, and forced changes in SLASH, Slashdot, VA Software, the OSDN, and the lives of Slashbots everywhere.
Thanks, trolls & crapflooders of Slashdot, who are now heroes of this generation.
ESR: Surprised by Cock
on
Globalization
·
· Score: -1
A few hours ago, I learned that I am now (at least in theory) absurdly gay.
I was at my machine, my 386 with 4 megs of RAM running Linux, masturbating to pictures of RMS, when I got an email congratulating me on the success of Slashdot. I was working on my latest small project-- a clever little text parser that takes input from the user and puts it in a little cartoon-style word balloon coming out of-- get this!-- a giant, erect ASCII penis's bulging head! Hahaha! It's called COCKSAY. You can download it here.
"Congratulations? That's interesting," said I to myself. "I didn't think Slashdot was coming out until tomorrow." And I oughtta know; I'm on VA's Board of Directors, recruited by Larry Augustin himself, to be VA Linux's "corporate conscience," and it's public record that I hold a substantial share in the company's semen pool. I tooled on over to Linux Today, chased a link like it was a naked hippy's ass-- and discovered that Rob Malda had taken the fast action we had discussed at the last board meeting. Slashdot had come out first thing that morning with a headline on its own site-- and I had become the figurehead of the Gay Faggot Slashdot Empire while I wasn't looking.
Well, that didn't last long. In the next two hours, 369 VA employees also disclosed that they had AIDS, leaving me with a bit of the proverbial semen on my face.
You may wonder why I am talking about this in public. The first piece of advice your friends will give you, if it looks like you're about to come out of the closet, is: keep quiet! It's really nobody else's business-- you don't want to look like you're lusting for cock, though you may want to be deluged by an endless succession of men dressed up as Navy sailors demanding blowjobs from you; fat, hairy men (the bears) wanting to fuck you in the ass; and sweet, young, hairless boys offering you the beauty of their youth.
Trouble with the "keep it quiet" theory is that I've always solicited gay male faggot sex in a very public way. When you're already a media figure, like myself, and your name is on the Faggot Manifesto your whole organization chose to use to come out, and email from friends and journalists starts coming in like crazy as the gayness of your empire breaks records even on the first day, playing it coy swiftly ceases to look like a viable option.
But it wouldn't be fair to dissemble. I serve the gay community. I'm wealthy today because my efforts to spread faggotry and venereal diseases on behalf of that community helped infiltrate the business world and earned the trust of a lot of young, naive boys. Fairness to the twinks
I'm sure you're curious as to why Slashdot, OSDN, and the rest of VA Linux's network wasn't available the weekend of Friday, June 22, 2001. I was. Then I found out.
In this expose, I will inform the reader on the why and the how of Slashdot's worst outage yet, its narrow escape from death, its darkest day in history...Slashdot's
Black Friday
Innocent Beginnings
Picture this: you're young, you're gay, and you own a successful web log. But you want more. Enter buyouts by a company called VA Linux, headed by the ruddy fag ESR and his band of Open Source homosexuals, hand picked by Larry Augustin himself and charged with taking over the Linux world. Got it so far? Good.
Short of having kidnapped Linux Torvalds, VA Linux virtually was Linux. You had hit the big time. You were the loud mouth of the biggest, baddest mother of a Faggot Linux Empire ever assembled.
(Important note: VA Linux had, indeed, tried to hire Linux Torvalds away, but Linus had refused, so as not to favor any single company or distribution. VA Linux, in turn, had kidnapped Torvalds and had Rob Malda and ESR rape his mouth unil he couldn't feel his jaw. Linus also needed his stomach pumped. However, good ol' Linus, the stout Finn that he is, never gave in and so was returned to Helsinki soon thereafter.)
The IPO
December, 1999:
Stock: $253
Volume: 8,000,000
IPO time, and you were riding high. You had become a millionaire and didn't know it. ESR had been surpised by wealth. And scores of other investors and Linux nuts found themselves with swollen bank accounts. Even though the stock fell sharply soon after, you figure it was just a burp in the market, and you headed out to celebrate by sucking some cock and buying your sports cars, boy-servants, horses, bathhouses and mansions. Still with me? OK. Now fast forward a few months.
The Ugly Truth
June, 2001:
Stock: $2.53
Volume: 1,000
You have Linux companies that have lost large parts of their market valuations, Linux distros merging, IPO's cancelled...
In short, Linux was dying. If you wished to portray the worst of the present state of the Linux market, you could not do so without factoring in how the GPL works to un-employ programmers. You didn't have to be a Kreskin to see what was happening; the handwriting was on the wall: Linux faced a bleak future. Even RMS commented on the current position of his Free Software Foundation due to Linux's misfortunes, which, indeed, represented the boat everyone was in with Linux:
"I am goat-fucked!"
Who Are You?
If you can sit there and read this expose and nod your head in affirmation of the events I have thus far documented, you can be only one person: Rob Malda, aka CmdrTaco, of Slashdot.
All of the events here led up to Slashdot's Black Friday, where Rob Malda almost lost everything he had left (after the VA Linux stock plummet, that is). The only thing left really was Slashdot itself, and the homosexual orgies the Slashdot staff held every Friday night. Alan Cox had since abandoned sucking the Slashdot staffs' cocks, and had returned to civillian life, disillusioned with Linux. Banner ad hits came only by means of the Slashdot staff themselves, and ESR, drunker and drunker with every stock plummet, would call and ream out Rob Malda over the phone every day, holed up in his cabin of 386s running Linux.
written: 2001/06/25 updated: n/a
Disclaimer: all content provided on this site is fiction (so far as the author knows). No claims made by the author are to be taken as fact.
Tuesday, October 30, will be the date of an unprecedented Troll Tuesday!
On October 30th, beginning at 0800 EST and lasting until 2359, I ask that you write an original story, essay, joke, ASCII image, etc. regarding Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda and post, post, post it all over Slashdot!
So far 30 trolls of varying degrees of infamy have signed abord this ground-breaking project-- will you?
Tuesday, October 30, will be the date of an unprecedented Troll Tuesday!
On October 30th, I ask that you write an original story, essay, joke, ASCII image, etc. regarding Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda and post, post, post it all over Slashdot!
So far 20 trolls of varying degrees of infamy have signed abord this ground-breaking project-- will you?
Slashdot Mirror
Participants of Troll Tuesday 2001:
Congratulations! Your efforts on 10/30 resulted in the most successful Troll Tuesday in Slashdot history. Rob Malda, ESR, Michael Sims, Jamie McCarthy, and even VA Linux felt the brunt of our wrath, and the effects are permanent and signifigant...
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda began early Wednesday angrily coding new troll-deterrents into his flavor of SLASH 2.2f14 ("faggot version 14" of SLASH 2.2). Currently being filtered are the strings "truth," "gay," "homosexual," and even the word "Linux!" We're clearly forcing Slashdot to turn in on itself in its efforts to guard against trolls, and lose sight of its original focus!
Jon Katz has already contacted lawyers regarding libel suits to bring against Slashdot trolls because of the many illicit, likely true but furiously denied claims of anal rape and sodomy love between he and Rob Malda that appeared on 10/30. Among the claims he is denying are that he rapes rabbits, has had sex with Hemos, Rob Malda, and virtually all of the VA Linux staff, that he never graduated high school, that he can not write, and that he is a Satanist neo-Nazi kike Jew faggot cum lover.
Michael Sims and Jamie McCarthy spent most of the day in a panic(k)ed conference call with ESR, brainstorming ways to quell the tsunami of trolls. Finally agreeing on a strategy, Jamie further enhanced code in SLASH to forget IP address harvested by the commenting system; this brought a lot of heat from Larry Augustin but Sims, McCarthy, and ESR gangfucked Larry's ass and all was well by the end of the onslaught.
Two other unprecedented achievements the trolls won 10/30 were the renaming of VA Linux and the dropping of Kuro5hin.org from VA's OSDN.
After posting the Linux Gay Conspiracy over and over on 10/30, VA Linux knew the truth was out and could only hope to hide the facts afterward, and so changed their name from VA Linux to VA Software. Linux faggotry was revealed and VA's hand was forced! Good job, trolls!
VA was also cornered into dropping Kuro5hin.org from its banner of homosexual websites-- for eons now Slashdot trolls, feeling solidarity with their k5 brethren, had been posting the truth about VA's Nazi attempts at censoring heterosexual propaganda posted on k5. After 10/30, however, the game was up and straight white truth prevailed. Again, congrats on this and the above unprecedented success in trolling!
All in all, Troll Tuesday 2001 was a great success. The trolls came out in force, using their skills and creativity, and forced changes in SLASH, Slashdot, VA Software, the OSDN, and the lives of Slashbots everywhere.
Thanks, trolls & crapflooders of Slashdot, who are now heroes of this generation.
We'll be doing it again soon.
LOFL. 2 cubicle rating.
Participants of Troll Tuesday 2001:
Congratulations! Your efforts on 10/30 resulted in the most successful Troll Tuesday in Slashdot history. Rob Malda, ESR, Michael Sims, Jamie McCarthy, and even VA Linux felt the brunt of our wrath, and the effects are permanent and signifigant...
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda began early Wednesday angrily coding new troll-deterrents into his flavor of SLASH 2.2f14 ("faggot version 14" of SLASH 2.2). Currently being filtered are the strings "truth," "gay," "homosexual," and even the word "Linux!" We're clearly forcing Slashdot to turn in on itself in its efforts to guard against trolls, and lose sight of its original focus!
Jon Katz has already contacted lawyers regarding libel suits to bring against Slashdot trolls because of the many illicit, likely true but furiously denied claims of anal rape and sodomy love between he and Rob Malda that appeared on 10/30. Among the claims he is denying are that he rapes rabbits, has had sex with Hemos, Rob Malda, and virtually all of the VA Linux staff, that he never graduated high school, that he can not write, and that he is a Satanist neo-Nazi kike Jew faggot cum lover.
Michael Sims and Jamie McCarthy spent most of the day in a panic(k)ed conference call with ESR, brainstorming ways to quell the tsunami of trolls. Finally agreeing on a strategy, Jamie further enhanced code in SLASH to forget IP address harvested by the commenting system; this brought a lot of heat from Larry Augustin but Sims, McCarthy, and ESR gangfucked Larry's ass and all was well by the end of the onslaught.
Two other unprecedented achievements the trolls won 10/30 were the renaming of VA Linux and the dropping of Kuro5hin.org from VA's OSDN.
After posting the Linux Gay Conspiracy over and over on 10/30, VA Linux knew the truth was out and could only hope to hide the facts afterward, and so changed their name from VA Linux to VA Software. Linux faggotry was revealed and VA's hand was forced! Good job, trolls!
VA was also cornered into dropping Kuro5hin.org from its banner of homosexual websites-- for eons now Slashdot trolls, feeling solidarity with their k5 brethren, had been posting the truth about VA's Nazi attempts at censoring heterosexual propaganda posted on k5. After 10/30, however, the game was up and straight white truth prevailed. Again, congrats on this and the above unprecedented success in trolling!
All in all, Troll Tuesday 2001 was a great success. The trolls came out in force, using their skills and creativity, and forced changes in SLASH, Slashdot, VA Software, the OSDN, and the lives of Slashbots everywhere.
Thanks, trolls & crapflooders of Slashdot, who are now heroes of this generation.
We'll be doing it again soon.
Participants of Troll Tuesday 2001:
Congratulations! Your efforts on 10/30 resulted in the most successful Troll Tuesday in Slashdot history. Rob Malda, ESR, Michael Sims, Jamie McCarthy, and even VA Linux felt the brunt of our wrath, and the effects are permanent and signifigant...
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda began early Wednesday angrily coding new troll-deterrents into his flavor of SLASH 2.2f14 ("faggot version 14" of SLASH 2.2). Currently being filtered are the strings "truth," "gay," "homosexual," and even the word "Linux!" We're clearly forcing Slashdot to turn in on itself in its efforts to guard against trolls, and lose sight of its original focus!
Jon Katz has already contacted lawyers regarding libel suits to bring against Slashdot trolls because of the many illicit, likely true but furiously denied claims of anal rape and sodomy love between he and Rob Malda that appeared on 10/30. Among the claims he is denying are that he rapes rabbits, has had sex with Hemos, Rob Malda, and virtually all of the VA Linux staff, that he never graduated high school, that he can not write, and that he is a Satanist neo-Nazi kike Jew faggot cum lover.
Michael Sims and Jamie McCarthy spent most of the day in a panic(k)ed conference call with ESR, brainstorming ways to quell the tsunami of trolls. Finally agreeing on a strategy, Jamie further enhanced code in SLASH to forget IP address harvested by the commenting system; this brought a lot of heat from Larry Augustin but Sims, McCarthy, and ESR gangfucked Larry's ass and all was well by the end of the onslaught.
Two other unprecedented achievements the trolls won 10/30 were the renaming of VA Linux and the dropping of Kuro5hin.org from VA's OSDN.
After posting the Linux Gay Conspiracy over and over on 10/30, VA Linux knew the truth was out and could only hope to hide the facts afterward, and so changed their name from VA Linux to VA Software. Linux faggotry was revealed and VA's hand was forced! Good job, trolls!
VA was also cornered into dropping Kuro5hin.org from its banner of homosexual websites-- for eons now Slashdot trolls, feeling solidarity with their k5 brethren, had been posting the truth about VA's Nazi attempts at censoring heterosexual propaganda posted on k5. After 10/30, however, the game was up and straight white truth prevailed. Again, congrats on this and the above unprecedented success in trolling!
All in all, Troll Tuesday 2001 was a great success. The trolls came out in force, using their skills and creativity, and forced changes in SLASH, Slashdot, VA Software, the OSDN, and the lives of Slashbots everywhere.
Thanks, trolls & crapflooders of Slashdot, who are now heroes of this generation.
We'll be doing it again soon.
Participants of Troll Tuesday 2001:
Congratulations! Your efforts on 10/30 resulted in the most successful Troll Tuesday in Slashdot history. Rob Malda, ESR, Michael Sims, Jamie McCarthy, and even VA Linux felt the brunt of our wrath, and the effects are permanent and signifigant...
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda began early Wednesday angrily coding new troll-deterrents into his flavor of SLASH 2.2f14 ("faggot version 14" of SLASH 2.2). Currently being filtered are the strings "truth," "gay," "homosexual," and even the word "Linux!" We're clearly forcing Slashdot to turn in on itself in its efforts to guard against trolls, and lose sight of its original focus!
Jon Katz has already contacted lawyers regarding libel suits to bring against Slashdot trolls because of the many illicit, likely true but furiously denied claims of anal rape and sodomy love between he and Rob Malda that appeared on 10/30. Among the claims he is denying are that he rapes rabbits, has had sex with Hemos, Rob Malda, and virtually all of the VA Linux staff, that he never graduated high school, that he can not write, and that he is a Satanist neo-Nazi kike Jew faggot cum lover.
Michael Sims and Jamie McCarthy spent most of the day in a panic(k)ed conference call with ESR, brainstorming ways to quell the tsunami of trolls. Finally agreeing on a strategy, Jamie further enhanced code in SLASH to forget IP address harvested by the commenting system; this brought a lot of heat from Larry Augustin but Sims, McCarthy, and ESR gangfucked Larry's ass and all was well by the end of the onslaught.
Two other unprecedented achievements the trolls won 10/30 were the renaming of VA Linux and the dropping of Kuro5hin.org from VA's OSDN.
After posting the Linux Gay Conspiracy over and over on 10/30, VA Linux knew the truth was out and could only hope to hide the facts afterward, and so changed their name from VA Linux to VA Software. Linux faggotry was revealed and VA's hand was forced! Good job, trolls!
VA was also cornered into dropping Kuro5hin.org from its banner of homosexual websites-- for eons now Slashdot trolls, feeling solidarity with their k5 brethren, had been posting the truth about VA's Nazi attempts at censoring heterosexual propaganda posted on k5. After 10/30, however, the game was up and straight white truth prevailed. Again, congrats on this and the above unprecedented success in trolling!
All in all, Troll Tuesday 2001 was a great success. The trolls came out in force, using their skills and creativity, and forced changes in SLASH, Slashdot, VA Software, the OSDN, and the lives of Slashbots everywhere.
Thanks, trolls & crapflooders of Slashdot, who are now heroes of this generation.
We'll be doing it again soon.
Congratulations Trolls & Crapflooders! 10/30 was a SUCCESS!
and Rob Malda.
No question.
stick it...
INYA
Fuck you.
I am wearing leather chaps but no pants and crotchless panties to show off my tiny penis.
Also I'll have cum dripping out of my mouth and spank marks all over my balls.
have you guesed who i am yet?
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda!
hey that was fucking funny
You should try to "stump" him with your little 4" pecker (yes, that's erect).
Don't ask me how I know. Trolls died for this.
Hey Rob, you are a sorry loser.
Trolls owned this site today.
Hey, email me and let me know who wrote this, this is funny as fuck.
trollaxor@mac.com
HFS! This gets a 2-Cubicle rating, easy.
Good stuff, did you write it!?
A few hours ago, I learned that I am now (at least in theory) absurdly gay.
I was at my machine, my 386 with 4 megs of RAM running Linux, masturbating to pictures of RMS, when I got an email congratulating me on the success of Slashdot. I was working on my latest small project-- a clever little text parser that takes input from the user and puts it in a little cartoon-style word balloon coming out of-- get this!-- a giant, erect ASCII penis's bulging head! Hahaha! It's called COCKSAY. You can download it here.
"Congratulations? That's interesting," said I to myself. "I didn't think Slashdot was coming out until tomorrow." And I oughtta know; I'm on VA's Board of Directors, recruited by Larry Augustin himself, to be VA Linux's "corporate conscience," and it's public record that I hold a substantial share in the company's semen pool. I tooled on over to Linux Today, chased a link like it was a naked hippy's ass-- and discovered that Rob Malda had taken the fast action we had discussed at the last board meeting. Slashdot had come out first thing that morning with a headline on its own site-- and I had become the figurehead of the Gay Faggot Slashdot Empire while I wasn't looking.
Well, that didn't last long. In the next two hours, 369 VA employees also disclosed that they had AIDS, leaving me with a bit of the proverbial semen on my face.
You may wonder why I am talking about this in public. The first piece of advice your friends will give you, if it looks like you're about to come out of the closet, is: keep quiet! It's really nobody else's business-- you don't want to look like you're lusting for cock, though you may want to be deluged by an endless succession of men dressed up as Navy sailors demanding blowjobs from you; fat, hairy men (the bears) wanting to fuck you in the ass; and sweet, young, hairless boys offering you the beauty of their youth.
Trouble with the "keep it quiet" theory is that I've always solicited gay male faggot sex in a very public way. When you're already a media figure, like myself, and your name is on the Faggot Manifesto your whole organization chose to use to come out, and email from friends and journalists starts coming in like crazy as the gayness of your empire breaks records even on the first day, playing it coy swiftly ceases to look like a viable option.
But it wouldn't be fair to dissemble. I serve the gay community. I'm wealthy today because my efforts to spread faggotry and venereal diseases on behalf of that community helped infiltrate the business world and earned the trust of a lot of young, naive boys. Fairness to the twinks
I'm sure you're curious as to why Slashdot, OSDN, and the rest of VA Linux's network wasn't available the weekend of Friday, June 22, 2001. I was. Then I found out.
In this expose, I will inform the reader on the why and the how of Slashdot's worst outage yet, its narrow escape from death, its darkest day in history...Slashdot's
Black FridayInnocent Beginnings
Picture this: you're young, you're gay, and you own a successful web log. But you want more. Enter buyouts by a company called VA Linux, headed by the ruddy fag ESR and his band of Open Source homosexuals, hand picked by Larry Augustin himself and charged with taking over the Linux world. Got it so far? Good.
Short of having kidnapped Linux Torvalds, VA Linux virtually was Linux. You had hit the big time. You were the loud mouth of the biggest, baddest mother of a Faggot Linux Empire ever assembled.
(Important note: VA Linux had, indeed, tried to hire Linux Torvalds away, but Linus had refused, so as not to favor any single company or distribution. VA Linux, in turn, had kidnapped Torvalds and had Rob Malda and ESR rape his mouth unil he couldn't feel his jaw. Linus also needed his stomach pumped. However, good ol' Linus, the stout Finn that he is, never gave in and so was returned to Helsinki soon thereafter.)
The IPO
December, 1999:
Stock: $253 Volume: 8,000,000
IPO time, and you were riding high. You had become a millionaire and didn't know it. ESR had been surpised by wealth. And scores of other investors and Linux nuts found themselves with swollen bank accounts. Even though the stock fell sharply soon after, you figure it was just a burp in the market, and you headed out to celebrate by sucking some cock and buying your sports cars, boy-servants, horses, bathhouses and mansions. Still with me? OK. Now fast forward a few months.
The Ugly Truth
June, 2001:
Stock: $2.53 Volume: 1,000
You have Linux companies that have lost large parts of their market valuations, Linux distros merging, IPO's cancelled...
In short, Linux was dying. If you wished to portray the worst of the present state of the Linux market, you could not do so without factoring in how the GPL works to un-employ programmers. You didn't have to be a Kreskin to see what was happening; the handwriting was on the wall: Linux faced a bleak future. Even RMS commented on the current position of his Free Software Foundation due to Linux's misfortunes, which, indeed, represented the boat everyone was in with Linux:
" I am goat-fucked! "Who Are You?
If you can sit there and read this expose and nod your head in affirmation of the events I have thus far documented, you can be only one person: Rob Malda, aka CmdrTaco, of Slashdot.
All of the events here led up to Slashdot's Black Friday, where Rob Malda almost lost everything he had left (after the VA Linux stock plummet, that is). The only thing left really was Slashdot itself, and the homosexual orgies the Slashdot staff held every Friday night. Alan Cox had since abandoned sucking the Slashdot staffs' cocks, and had returned to civillian life, disillusioned with Linux. Banner ad hits came only by means of the Slashdot staff themselves, and ESR, drunker and drunker with every stock plummet, would call and ream out Rob Malda over the phone every day, holed up in his cabin of 386s running Linux.
written: 2001/06/25
updated: n/a
Disclaimer: all content provided on this site is fiction (so far as the author knows). No claims made by the author are to be taken as fact.
trollaxor@mac.comI haven't forgotten about the OSNews conspiracy. THere'll be a LOT of info on it soon.
Tomorrow us your-- and Slashdot's-- day of reckoning.
The Troll Tuesday Of the Millenium is up on, Rob Malda. It is too late to recant your sins.
LOL. Did this ome from the Onion?
hey, it's legit. i wanted to have some group fun on Slashdot.
May be piss be upon him.
Tuesday, October 30, will be the date of an unprecedented Troll Tuesday!
On October 30th, beginning at 0800 EST and lasting until 2359, I ask that you write an original story, essay, joke, ASCII image, etc. regarding Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda and post, post, post it all over Slashdot!
So far 30 trolls of varying degrees of infamy have signed abord this ground-breaking project-- will you?
Email me at trollaxor@mac.com with questions or suggestions!
October 30th, 2001: the Troll Tuesday of the Millenium
hfs!
welcome back.
Tuesday, October 30, will be the date of an unprecedented Troll Tuesday!
On October 30th, I ask that you write an original story, essay, joke, ASCII image, etc. regarding Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda and post, post, post it all over Slashdot!
So far 20 trolls of varying degrees of infamy have signed abord this ground-breaking project-- will you?
Email me at trollaxor@mac.com with questions or suggestions!
October 30th, 2001: the Troll Tuesday of the Millenium