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User: JargonScott

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  1. I found a Youtube clip of a 56K dialup squeal to play for my kids. This was the harshest "back in my day" I could come up with so far.

  2. Just dumped our U-Verse service... on AT&T Is Phasing Out the U-Verse Video, Broadband Brand (fiercetelecom.com) · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I had an 18Dn/1Up plan (living in the sticks Indiana), and on their little exit interview they asked why I'm leaving:

    "Well, your service went down at least a full day of every month, and the new local provider offers fiber to my house, 50Dn/10Up speeds, and costs less."

    The girl didn't even try. "Ok, well that makes sense."

  3. Seems like it needs a function of "if opposing vehicle is X times larger than itself" then just capitulate.

  4. Re:Barrier? on Skylake Breaks 7GHz In Intel Overclocking World Record (hothardware.com) · · Score: 1

    It's like deja vu. The calculations travel back in time, so they have to do it all over again. It's like deja vu. The calculations travel back in time.

  5. Re: bald eagles, too on Dutch Police Train Bald Eagles To Take Out Drones · · Score: 1

    "What do we have?"

    "Bald.... Spatzies."

    "right......"

  6. At like the 400 minute mark... on Filmmaker Forces Censors To Watch 10-Hour Movie of Paint Drying (ibtimes.co.uk) · · Score: 2

    They should have blasted out the Inception sound.

    BWWWWOOONNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!

    Then everyone shits their pants and has to sit there for the remaining 200 minutes.

  7. Re:OK finally on Discrepancy Detected In GPS Time · · Score: 1

    Data: "Sorry I'm late Captain, by my hydrogen maser atomic alarm clock triggered with a deviation of 13.7 microseconds."

    Wesley: "Ha Ha!"

    Picard: "Shut up Wesley!"

  8. Waiting for lightning to strike me.... on YouTube and the Modern Mad Scientist (hackaday.com) · · Score: 1

    Sat down to this article after coming back from the break room, where I found out our vending machine has an issue. If I feed it a very new quarter 50% of the time it spits it out, and the other 50% it will increment by .25 and STILL spit it out. Bought a $1.10 candy bar and got .15 in change. So I guess I'm doing better than the analogy?

  9. Warning, old guy questions... on Microsoft To Release Educational Version of Minecraft (thestack.com) · · Score: 1

    Ok, so I've been all over the minecraftedu site, and I can't figure out what a school would actually "do" with this? I mean, are kids supposed to be begrudgingly unplugged from all their shit at home, ferried to their school with their Beats on, then jacked right the hell back in for additional screen time? What could be in there? "Today in school I dug a hole to bedrock then fell in it to kill myself, so I missed the assignment. That's why I had after school detention."

    So seriously, is it for like virtual classrooms or something? Or will kids be in a physical classroom, at a computer, to just be in a virtual classroom with the people right next to them, to do the same homework they could do physically?

    Anyone that says "hand-eye coordination and map reading skills" has never been kissed.

  10. Hi, I'm Jargon and I'll be your Uber driver.... on Airbus Joins Uber For On-Demand Chopper Rides (thestack.com) · · Score: 1

    If you say to me "GET TO DA CHOPPA" I will be changing course to the nearest muddy puddle, and will promptly push you in it ass first.

    Good day...

  11. Do people live their careers? on Teen Hacks US Intelligence Chief's Personal Accounts (vice.com) · · Score: 1

    I know there's the proximity issue of his job title to the issue, but really do people expect everyone to "live" their job? Sometimes a mechanic's car is shitty. Sometimes a doctor has poor health habits. Sometimes directors of national intelligence has a family and none of them work too hard for home IT security.

  12. Re:And in the real world on Smartwatches Can Be Used To Spy On Your Card's PIN Code (softpedia.com) · · Score: 2

    Unless it's a drive-up ATM (well, for countries with right side driving roads). Since most people are right handed they'll wear the watch on their left, and will be stretched out to reach a keypad.

  13. Fonze would be proud. on AC/DC Music Attracts Great White Sharks · · Score: 2

    So wait, did the shark just jump AC/DC?

  14. The main benefit of glossy... on Users Want Matte LCDs While Glossy Screens Dominate · · Score: 1

    Those fuckers in my office can't sneak up on me anymore.

  15. BREAKING NEWS: on Crashed Helicopter Sparks Concern Over Stealth Secrets · · Score: 0

    Military tries to improve on itself.

  16. Re:I know why on The Empire Strikes Back Added To National Film Registry · · Score: 1

    Ha

    Ha

    Ha

    Ha

  17. I wish they followed someone else's path.. on Vans Drive Themselves Across the World · · Score: 2, Funny

    Every time I see the name Marco Polo I'm instantly 12 again, screaming MARCO!!!! while at the city pool. All my "friends" left me and went to the snack bar.

  18. Re:Wow? on Astonishing Speedup In Solving Linear SDD Systems · · Score: 1

    They're like cuddly throw pillows.

  19. Wow? on Astonishing Speedup In Solving Linear SDD Systems · · Score: 5, Funny

    Good gravy, now I understand why my non-tech wife just stares blankly at me when I'm describing my plain old IT job.

  20. Re:cool on Nanoresonators Create Ultra-High-Res Displays · · Score: 1

    I'd like a glasses mounted display that has a respectable resolution for one. Plus maybe it could actually be made in a smaller heads up unit, so a person doesn't look ridiculous like the current nerd-tastic ones do.

  21. Re:What operating system was used? on Trojan-Infected Computer Linked To 2008 Spanair Crash · · Score: 1

    Security through others' obscurity doesn't work.

  22. Re:The good and the bad on Coronal Mass Ejection Hits Earth · · Score: 1

    Good news though, we'll be able to contact our deceased dads in the past, and warn them to stop smoking.

  23. Re:After 40 weeks on Verizon Tech Accused Of Making $220K In Sex Calls On User Lines · · Score: 1

    It's all in how you say it.

    It may have been more like "take out my tone probe, and use it with your buttset. Wait, let me get a filter on that first."

  24. Re:Just think... on Former Supreme Court Justice Switches to Video Games · · Score: 1

    Some stupid people like to watch mean people yell at other stupid people.

  25. Re:Hawt! on Tesla Motors Opens Retail Store · · Score: 1

    Not really, just say you'll be a "sucker" for $1 for the 1st 110,000 people. Just saying it will get this crowd to decorate their cookies.