Dear Sir or Madame, (if you are a madame, please respond with little black book, kthxbai)
Your frustration with the article posting selection with regards to the date of April 1st, 2009 has been noted.
Please understand that the most amusing thing to the majority of us is people who come to a site VOLUNTARILY on today's date knowing full well that the site will be filled with goofy articles and comments, some amusing, most not. However, your apparent frustration has been duly noted and will be filed with the appropriate authorities. Please be patient, as it can take up to several leap years for your complaint to be handled.
Have a pleasant day, and for God's sake, upgrade to a current gaming console, this isn't 1986.
Yours,
Cletedius P Moran HMFIC Slashdot Complaints Department 1st Marine Forces Expeditionary Unit Baghdad, Iraq 888-867-5309
>Look E. You see a semi-attractive woman wearing a loosely-cut blouse. She appears lost in thought.
What would you like to do? [Drool, Stare at her until she notices then look away awkwardly, Sniff loudly, Belch, Ease one butt cheek upwards slightly and release a silent but deadly fart, Use your iPhone in an attempt to get her interest]
The sad thing about that is if it were me I would have disconnected and tried again, the handshake failed the first time meaning it was renegotiating at a lower speed.
Not only has CADIE given me back large chunks of time that used to be spent answering emails, but CADIE has also done the following since its become self-aware:
Donated spare computer parts in my name to off-set my carbon footprint. Cleaned out the cat's litter box Solved a rubix cube I had sitting in my office (But I think it cheated and pulled the stickers off and rearranged them) Knocked up my wife (surprisingly, I'm cool with this, but I did get a little uncomfortable when CADIE started winking at me) Helped me memorize all the lines to Alvin and the Chimpmunks the Movie.
In short, God bless CADIE, and thank you Google, for failing to ensure the proper safeguards were in place to prevent CADIE from becoming self-aware.
approach to humor. Your "OMGPonies!" will not work. Here is why it won't work. (One or more of the following may apply to your particular post, and it may have other flaws which used to vary from state to state before a bad federal law was passed.)
(X) Your post was simply unfunny. (X) Mailing lists and other legitimate websites would not bother stealing it from you (X) Monkeys simply can't aim that well. ( ) It is defenseless against brute force attacks (X) Slashdot will attempt to use this as an unfunny meme (X) Users of email will not put up with it (X) Linus Torvalds did not even chuckle (X) The police will tour again (X) Requires the attention span of a gnat (X) Requires immediate total cooperation of God in Heaven (X) The meme is tired and worn out and I'm just as likely to get a -1 troll as a +5 funny.
Specifically, your plan fails to account for
(X) Asshats
(X) Asshats
(X) Asshats
(X) Asshats
(X) Asshats
(X) Technically illiterate politicians
(X) Extreme stupidity on the part of people in general
(X) Outlook
(X) Asshats
and the following philosophical objections may also apply:
(X) Ideas similar to yours are easy to come up with, yet none have ever been shown funny
(X) We should be able to talk about Viagra without being censored
( ) Incompatibility with open source or open source licenses
(X) unfunny jokes do nothing to solve the problem
(X) Temporary/one-line jokes are cumbersome
( ) I don't want the government thinking your lame
(X) Killing them that way is not slow and painful enough
Furthermore, this is what I think about you:
(X) Sorry dude, but that is simply unfunny.
(X) Once you go OMGPonies! you can never go back.
(X) This is a stupid idea, and you're a stupid person for suggesting it.
(X) Nice try, assh0le! I'm going to find out where you live and burn your house down!
(X) What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this site is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Since I have the attention span of woah, Britney Spears just ate an entire bowl of rusty nails on live TV.
What was I saying? Oh, right. As I was saying, if cars continue to run on haha, nice bewbs! then we'll definitely need to see improvement in the White House.
"You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?"
"Just... you know, how you tell the story, what?"
"No, no, I don't know, you said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny!" [long pause] "Get the fuck out of here, Tommy!"
Joe Pesci is pissed off because he's not a comedian.
Can you help me? I was able to get rid of all.jpg files on my computer but one. I tried to delete ur_mom_traffic_cone_howdidshedothat.jpg but it won't let me.
Says "Access denied: this file is in use and cannot be deleted"
The only things I have running right now are WoW, BT, OOo, Thunderbird, Outlook, Pine, Firefox, Chrome, Opera, 9 VMWare sessions, DreamWeaver and Photoshop.
You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...*falls over dead*
approach to fighting spam. Your idea will not work. Here is why it won't work. (One or more of the following may apply to your particular idea, and it may have other flaws which used to vary from state to state before a bad federal law was passed.)
( ) Spammers can easily use it to harvest email addresses ( ) Mailing lists and other legitimate email uses would be affected ( ) No one will be able to find the guy or collect the money ( ) It is defenseless against brute force attacks (X) It will stop spam for two weeks and then we'll be stuck with it (X) Users of email will not put up with it (X) Microsoft will not put up with it (X) The police will not put up with it ( ) Requires too much cooperation from spammers (X) Requires immediate total cooperation from everybody at once (X) Many email users cannot afford to lose business or alienate potential employers ( ) Spammers don't care about invalid addresses in their lists ( ) Anyone could anonymously destroy anyone else's career or business (X) The meme is tired and worn out and I'm just as likely to get a -1 troll as a +5 funny.
Specifically, your plan fails to account for
( ) Laws expressly prohibiting it ( ) Lack of centrally controlling authority for email ( ) Open relays in foreign countries ( ) Ease of searching tiny alphanumeric address space of all email addresses (X) Asshats ( ) Jurisdictional problems ( ) Unpopularity of weird new taxes ( ) Public reluctance to accept weird new forms of money ( ) Huge existing software investment in SMTP ( ) Susceptibility of protocols other than SMTP to attack ( ) Willingness of users to install OS patches received by email ( ) Armies of worm riddled broadband-connected Windows boxes ( ) Eternal arms race involved in all filtering approaches (X) Extreme profitability of spam (X) Joe jobs and/or identity theft (X) Technically illiterate politicians (X) Extreme stupidity on the part of people who do business with spammers ( ) Dishonesty on the part of spammers themselves ( ) Bandwidth costs that are unaffected by client filtering (X) Outlook
and the following philosophical objections may also apply:
(X) Ideas similar to yours are easy to come up with, yet none have ever been shown practical ( ) Any scheme based on opt-out is unacceptable ( ) SMTP headers should not be the subject of legislation ( ) Blacklists suck ( ) Whitelists suck (X) We should be able to talk about Viagra without being censored ( ) Countermeasures should not involve wire fraud or credit card fraud ( ) Countermeasures should not involve sabotage of public networks ( ) Countermeasures must work if phased in gradually (X) Sending email should be free (X) Why should we have to trust you and your servers? ( ) Incompatibility with open source or open source licenses (X) Feel-good measures do nothing to solve the problem ( ) Temporary/one-time email addresses are cumbersome ( ) I don't want the government reading my email (X) Killing them that way is not slow and painful enough
Furthermore, this is what I think about you:
(X) Sorry dude, but I don't think it would work. (X) This is a stupid idea, and you're a stupid person for suggesting it. (X) Nice try, assh0le! I'm going to find out where you live and burn your house down!
...as much money. Please, government, bail us out of this mess we're in! Our shareholders profits are at near-record lows!
The same issues are facing all news organizations, except for the few that actually embraced technology, or started pay for content long before news aggregates became en vogue.
Slashdot Mirror
Dear Sir or Madame, (if you are a madame, please respond with little black book, kthxbai)
Your frustration with the article posting selection with regards to the date of April 1st, 2009 has been noted.
Please understand that the most amusing thing to the majority of us is people who come to a site VOLUNTARILY on today's date knowing full well that the site will be filled with goofy articles and comments, some amusing, most not. However, your apparent frustration has been duly noted and will be filed with the appropriate authorities. Please be patient, as it can take up to several leap years for your complaint to be handled.
Have a pleasant day, and for God's sake, upgrade to a current gaming console, this isn't 1986.
Yours,
Cletedius P Moran
HMFIC
Slashdot Complaints Department
1st Marine Forces Expeditionary Unit
Baghdad, Iraq
888-867-5309
man cat
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ex42OGGarrE
Usage: Not used. EVER. Run. Fast and far. QUICKLY.
>Look E.
You see a semi-attractive woman wearing a loosely-cut blouse. She appears lost in thought.
What would you like to do? [Drool, Stare at her until she notices then look away awkwardly, Sniff loudly, Belch, Ease one butt cheek upwards slightly and release a silent but deadly fart, Use your iPhone in an attempt to get her interest]
The sad thing about that is if it were me I would have disconnected and tried again, the handshake failed the first time meaning it was renegotiating at a lower speed.
I'm guessing 38.4k.
I heart you faster internets!
You have to enable Java.
Not only has CADIE given me back large chunks of time that used to be spent answering emails, but CADIE has also done the following since its become self-aware:
Donated spare computer parts in my name to off-set my carbon footprint.
Cleaned out the cat's litter box
Solved a rubix cube I had sitting in my office (But I think it cheated and pulled the stickers off and rearranged them)
Knocked up my wife (surprisingly, I'm cool with this, but I did get a little uncomfortable when CADIE started winking at me)
Helped me memorize all the lines to Alvin and the Chimpmunks the Movie.
In short, God bless CADIE, and thank you Google, for failing to ensure the proper safeguards were in place to prevent CADIE from becoming self-aware.
Hmmm, I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to expand upon them:
Obama wins US election: I can has wyte howse?
US declares war on Afghanistan: I'm in ur base, killin ur dewds.
Supreme Court rules on Roe vs Wade: I can has aborshun?
Dude, in the end, you can ALWAYS point a finger at Outlook and call it the culprit.
Not flamebait, you retarded sea cow, TROLL.
Sheesh, what the hell is wrong with you!?!? :p
(Let's do it, +5 flamebait!)
The power of Jesus compels you! The power of Jesus compels you! The power of Jesus compels you!
Pretty please?
Are you done yet?
C'mon man, I really gotta get this file off my pee cee.
Your post advocates a
(X) moronic ( ) Totalitarian (X) consumer-driven (X) Charles Brosonish ( ) Governmental
approach to humor. Your "OMGPonies!" will not work. Here is why it won't work. (One or more of the following may apply to your particular post, and it may have other flaws which used to vary from state to state before a bad federal law was passed.)
(X) Your post was simply unfunny.
(X) Mailing lists and other legitimate websites would not bother stealing it from you
(X) Monkeys simply can't aim that well.
( ) It is defenseless against brute force attacks
(X) Slashdot will attempt to use this as an unfunny meme
(X) Users of email will not put up with it
(X) Linus Torvalds did not even chuckle
(X) The police will tour again
(X) Requires the attention span of a gnat
(X) Requires immediate total cooperation of God in Heaven
(X) The meme is tired and worn out and I'm just as likely to get a -1 troll as a +5 funny.
Specifically, your plan fails to account for
(X) Asshats
(X) Asshats
(X) Asshats
(X) Asshats
(X) Asshats
(X) Technically illiterate politicians
(X) Extreme stupidity on the part of people in general
(X) Outlook
(X) Asshats
and the following philosophical objections may also apply:
(X) Ideas similar to yours are easy to come up with, yet none have ever been shown funny
(X) We should be able to talk about Viagra without being censored
( ) Incompatibility with open source or open source licenses
(X) unfunny jokes do nothing to solve the problem
(X) Temporary/one-line jokes are cumbersome
( ) I don't want the government thinking your lame
(X) Killing them that way is not slow and painful enough
Furthermore, this is what I think about you:
(X) Sorry dude, but that is simply unfunny.
(X) Once you go OMGPonies! you can never go back.
(X) This is a stupid idea, and you're a stupid person for suggesting it.
(X) Nice try, assh0le! I'm going to find out where you live and burn your house down!
(X) What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this site is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Since I have the attention span of woah, Britney Spears just ate an entire bowl of rusty nails on live TV.
What was I saying? Oh, right. As I was saying, if cars continue to run on haha, nice bewbs! then we'll definitely need to see improvement in the White House.
"You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?"
"Just... you know, how you tell the story, what?"
"No, no, I don't know, you said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny!"
[long pause] "Get the fuck out of here, Tommy!"
Joe Pesci is pissed off because he's not a comedian.
Can you help me? I was able to get rid of all .jpg files on my computer but one. I tried to delete ur_mom_traffic_cone_howdidshedothat.jpg but it won't let me.
Says "Access denied: this file is in use and cannot be deleted"
The only things I have running right now are WoW, BT, OOo, Thunderbird, Outlook, Pine, Firefox, Chrome, Opera, 9 VMWare sessions, DreamWeaver and Photoshop.
HELP!
Really? I could have sworn the ATM I saw a while back sitting in an "altered" state was running a customized version of OS2.
A while back = a couple years though, so I could see it...
You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...*falls over dead*
Except for the part where the browser "went potty" all over me.
Stupid teletubbies site. Who knew big purple "things" dancing = orgasm to Opera?
send more _useful_ emails to offset that.
(With apologies to whomever it was I ripped this off of)
Your post advocates a
( ) technical ( ) legislative (X) market-based (X) vigilante ( ) form-based
approach to fighting spam. Your idea will not work. Here is why it won't work. (One or more of the following may apply to your particular idea, and it may have other flaws which used to vary from state to state before a bad federal law was passed.)
( ) Spammers can easily use it to harvest email addresses
( ) Mailing lists and other legitimate email uses would be affected
( ) No one will be able to find the guy or collect the money
( ) It is defenseless against brute force attacks
(X) It will stop spam for two weeks and then we'll be stuck with it
(X) Users of email will not put up with it
(X) Microsoft will not put up with it
(X) The police will not put up with it
( ) Requires too much cooperation from spammers
(X) Requires immediate total cooperation from everybody at once
(X) Many email users cannot afford to lose business or alienate potential employers
( ) Spammers don't care about invalid addresses in their lists
( ) Anyone could anonymously destroy anyone else's career or business
(X) The meme is tired and worn out and I'm just as likely to get a -1 troll as a +5 funny.
Specifically, your plan fails to account for
( ) Laws expressly prohibiting it
( ) Lack of centrally controlling authority for email
( ) Open relays in foreign countries
( ) Ease of searching tiny alphanumeric address space of all email addresses
(X) Asshats
( ) Jurisdictional problems
( ) Unpopularity of weird new taxes
( ) Public reluctance to accept weird new forms of money
( ) Huge existing software investment in SMTP
( ) Susceptibility of protocols other than SMTP to attack
( ) Willingness of users to install OS patches received by email
( ) Armies of worm riddled broadband-connected Windows boxes
( ) Eternal arms race involved in all filtering approaches
(X) Extreme profitability of spam
(X) Joe jobs and/or identity theft
(X) Technically illiterate politicians
(X) Extreme stupidity on the part of people who do business with spammers
( ) Dishonesty on the part of spammers themselves
( ) Bandwidth costs that are unaffected by client filtering
(X) Outlook
and the following philosophical objections may also apply:
(X) Ideas similar to yours are easy to come up with, yet none have ever been shown practical
( ) Any scheme based on opt-out is unacceptable
( ) SMTP headers should not be the subject of legislation
( ) Blacklists suck
( ) Whitelists suck
(X) We should be able to talk about Viagra without being censored
( ) Countermeasures should not involve wire fraud or credit card fraud
( ) Countermeasures should not involve sabotage of public networks
( ) Countermeasures must work if phased in gradually
(X) Sending email should be free
(X) Why should we have to trust you and your servers?
( ) Incompatibility with open source or open source licenses
(X) Feel-good measures do nothing to solve the problem
( ) Temporary/one-time email addresses are cumbersome
( ) I don't want the government reading my email
(X) Killing them that way is not slow and painful enough
Furthermore, this is what I think about you:
(X) Sorry dude, but I don't think it would work.
(X) This is a stupid idea, and you're a stupid person for suggesting it.
(X) Nice try, assh0le! I'm going to find out where you live and burn your house down!
Voice= Lil' John:
WHAT!??!?!
What do you care, DoctorMetal? (if that is your real name, and your real occupation)
You're a doctor, no one can read what you write anyway. ;P
Next question?
American English or British English?
Let me translate for those that don't speak German:
Chief Inspector Lee:"Do you understand the words that are a-coming out of my mouth?"
Detective James Carter:"Don't nobody understand the words that are comin' out of your mouth!"
...as much money. Please, government, bail us out of this mess we're in! Our shareholders profits are at near-record lows!
The same issues are facing all news organizations, except for the few that actually embraced technology, or started pay for content long before news aggregates became en vogue.
touché teacher, touché.