Thursday, November 8th, 2001
11:34 am
Me want some DICK.......
Have you ever felt like you were going out of your mind...
That is the way i feel today. I'm looking at every man that walks by my cubicle, here at Slashdot headquarters, wondering what would it be like to suck them off.
I used to do that when I had other jobs and sometimes thats the reason we ended up having sex. NOW.. if i was relly horny I would take my friend at one of my jobs, tell him to meet me in the
last bathroom stall and I would suck him off.. or just get a taste. There is one good thing about having sex on a nice cold desk...
and that is that the clean up is just a wipe away. OR if your like me... a lick away.
Nowadays the one thing that I have a problem with is that I want to suck a man that has red hair. I think the pink long cock, with its cherry color head, throbing vane would look so great. Having red hair would kinda be like if they had shaved. Nice blondish red hair that you could see through. The sight of the balls being seen so
well and being the whitest of white that a person could be. WOW! That sounds great... IF YOU KNOW A RED HEAD PLEASE send them my way... I want they dick. Until then I will take any dick that I can. I had a person come over to my home one day that never had a person give him a blow job. You know that was the best feeling I have ever had. Knowing that I gave someone something that made
them feel good... now I just wish he would become a friend so I could suck him more. Name of Katz, JonKatz. Just wanted to write and wanted to voice my request. So if you know of ANYONE that needs their cock sucked, or if you need your cock sucked, cum to me...
First things first, lets see a brand new picture
of CmdrTaco after an evening with JonKatz
<O
( \
X
8===D
now, with that out of the way, how about some poetry
to get everyone in the mood?
I know of a fag named JonKatz
Who played with vampire bats
With his dick in his hand
His voice did command
"Try sucking the blood out of that!"
There once was a Malda named Rob
He loved to show off his knob
He flashed it at Hemos
Who was such a homo
He sucked it like corn on the cob
CowboyNeal was a man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin
While wiping his chin,
"If my ear were an ass I would fuck it".
this public service announcement was brought to you by the good
people at the ~cdpb~
<O
( \
X
8===D
In the event of an actual first post, directions will follow on how to moderate.
Good day!
This hyar long histo'y of Linux use covahs about 4 years of Linux usage by me. Obviously, by th' end of this hyar ah no longer cornsider mahse'f a noobie - though ah may be one! This hyar is
a tale of Linux as ah have foun' it - warts an' all, ah reckon.
Its a long read, cuss it all t' tarnation. Ennyway, howdy-doo to them who read this hyar page (yes, thar is some of yo'! Fry mah hide!)
an' may it be some he'p o' incouragement. Th' latess stuff is at th' end, so updates will silently be added thar.
In Th' Beginnin'....... Thar was an Idea
This hyar is a seckshun taken fum th' Linux Mini-howto on th' subjeck of Linux Advocacy. It is included t'show whar ah got th' idea fo' this hyar page, an' t'encourage others t'do likewise. Th' full docoomnt kin be foun' at Th' Advocacy Howto:
5. Advocatin' Linux
Share yer varmintal experiences (fine an' bad) wif Linux.
Ev'ryone knows thet sof'ware has bugs an' limitashuns an' eff'n we only haf glowin' comments about Linux, we isn't
bein' honest. I love t'tell varmints about havin' t'reboot
four times (three scheduled) in three years.
So th' Sto'y Begins....
Th' fust time thet ah had evah heard of Linux, was when
Varmintal Computer Wo'ld Magazine decided t'include a copy
of Linux on th' included CD-ROM. This hyar was a lop down
vahshun of th' Linux FT distribushun, redooced t'fit into
50Mb of space. Nevah th' less it included "Th' X - Windows
System an' a full ELF C compilashun system". ah w'd haf thunk
nothin' much mo'e of this, neifer knowin' o' carin' whut eifer
of these were at th' time, but th' installashun instruckshuns
in th' CD corntents page caught mah eye. They were a page long,
an' filled wif dire warnin's thet installashun c'd destroy data
held on yer computer an' sh'd be carried out only by experienced
users. Intrigued, ah read mo'e about this, an' discovahed thet
Linux was a free operatin' system, dawgone it. Hencefo'th, ah
decided t'give it a spin, on th' basis thet sumpin free kin't
be all bad, cuss it all t' tarnation. ah duly installed Linux
on mah second dos partishun, an' setup th' loadlin program af'er
readin' its docoomntashun. This hyar shetdown dos an' booted
th' Linux kernel, ah reckon. Howevah, th' kernel'd hang durin'
boot wif a "then" incomprehensible erro' message. Despite tinkerin'
ah c'd not boot th' system, an' so gave up an' deleted Linux
fum th' system, dawgone it.
City Dfineer - Successful Fella
Th' time came - 1995, wif mah 486sx wif 8mb RAM af'er sundry upgrades t'run DOS based games ah decided t'buy Windows 95.
Af'er shoppin' aroun' an' seein' prices fum £50 t'£100 ah bought
a CDROM upgrade vahshun, an' happily installed it on over a
minimal Windows 3.1 / DOS 6.22 setup. Th' installashun went
fine, all hardware co'reckly detecked an' th' drivahs installed,
cuss it all t' tarnation. All proceedin' smoothly, ah reinstalled
mah sof'ware an' played about. Suffice it t'say, despite th' nice beginnin', Windows 95 began t'ran'omly lock solid an' refuse
t'accepp mouse o' keyboard input. Subsequent reinstalls failed t'resolve th' problem, an' ah was fo'ced t'revaht t'Windows 3.1. All this hyar while th' computer press praised Windows 95 fo' increased stability an' programs were a-comin' out only fo'
Windows 95. In a mood of disgest at Microsof' (it didn't last
t'th' present though) ah bought a copy of th' Slackware Linux Distribushun in o'der t'run a "real" 32 bit OS on mah PC.
Just let da damn wardrobe do de rapin'.
--Jack Nicholson, rappin' t'Michael Keaton on de set uh Batman.
Coo', so's ya' probably won't turn down at yo' next meetin' o' interview in some rubba' bat suit and brother cape, but yo' wardrobe kin help ya' psychologically prepare fo' de part youse about t'play. Slap mah fro!
Game On! Right on!
Dere's an outfit fo' every spo't, right? Joggin', tennis, golf, hockey, hoopball, swimmin', snowbo'din', mountain bikin', and socca' all gots deir special dig-ups. Yo' specific spo't clodes enhance yo' puh'fo'mance, but dey also psychologically prepare ya' fo' de game.
Let's pretend fo' some moment dat ya''ve plum finished watchin' some movie about Tiga' Woods. Unfo'tunately, de wardrobe stylist fo' de film knowed nodin' about golf and dun didn't boda' to conduct any research. Lop some boogie. De stylist decided t'dress de acto' in some hockey unifo'm. WORD! Would hockey clodes help de acto' play de part uh Tiga' Woods? Whut would ya' dink about da damn characta' if ya' watched him play golf dressed in some hockey jersey? It would probably feel funky and look absurd. Why?
Tiga' Woods' signature style be a golf shirt and pressed khakis.
Wearin' some hockey outfit would most likesly impede da damn acto's swin'.
Hockey clodes is designed fo' warmd and t'minimize fo'ceful impact. Man!
Meanwhile, dis misguided fashion choice says one uh de followin' doodads t'de audience, dig dis:
We duzn't dig it golf,
We practice some bizarre fo'm uh golf,
We duzn't care enough about da damn spo't t'dress appropriately, o'
We is totally out uh touch wid reality. Slap mah fro!
Dis be an 'esaggerated metapho', but ah' wanna roll crib de impo'tance uh buildin' some wo'k wardrobe dat enhances, rada' dan impedes, top puh'fo'mance. When ya' go t'wo'k in beach, spo'ts, o' weekend clodes, ya' communicate dat youse passionate about yo' free time, not yo' wo'k. Ya' know? Is dis de message ya' wanna drow?
Preparin' fo' de Role
Long befo'e some movie begins shootin', de directo' and da damn wardrobe stylist carefully analyze da damn script in o'da' to find clodes dat clearly and concisely define and reflect da damn character's sucka'ality. Slap mah fro! Wardrobe adds an impo'tant visual dimension, emphasizin' de sucka'ality uh de characta' fo' bod acto' and audience.
Since dere's no script o' wardrobe stylist fo' de movie about yo' life, I'll prompt ya' wid quesshuns dat gots'ta help reveal yo' sense uh style. Scribble de dojiggers uh dree t'foe sucka's ya' admire. Choose any sucka who comes t'mind--head homeboy, mento', politician, relative, o' celebrity. Slap mah fro! Now, unda' each dojigger scribble waaay down descriptive wo'ds dat reflect how ya' feel about da damn sucka'. Keep some dicshunary and desaurus nearby. Slap mah fro! Here's an 'esample, dig dis:
Ax' yo'self de followin' quesshuns and scribble yo' answers on some separate sheet uh sheet: How do ya' puh'ceive yo'self? How do oders puh'ceive ya'? How would ya' likes t'be puh'ceived?
Once ya''ve finished, compare yo' list wid de list ya' made uh dose ya' admire. As ya' begin t'describe da damn qualities in oders and yo'self dat ya' admire, yo' characta' and style gots'ta begin t'emerge. Dis 'esercise be impo'tant t'repeat every few years o' when dere gots been some dramatic life change, dig dis: job transishun, relocashun, receivin' some promoshun, o' buildin' some new business.
Dressin' de Part
Once ya''ve established some concrete list uh wo'ds t'describe da damn characta' traits ya' possess--and dose ya''d likes t'develop--ya''ll gots some cleara' picture uh yo'self and how ya''d likes t'be puh'ceived da damn next time ya' go shoppin' fo' clodes. Dig itin' sucka'al traits prevents ya' fum fallin' victim t'fly-by-night trends o' takin' some sales clerk, significant oder, homey, o' family memba' at face value.
When ya' shop, shop alone. Listen t'yo' inna' voice. You's might discova' dat da damn business clodes ya' used t'likes no longa' reflect yo' definishun uh yo'self. Encourage yo'self t'change and grow, so cut me some slack, Jack. You's'll feel and look mo'e self-assho' mand cuz' ya' know yo'self. Yo' image be communicated most clearly drough confident business dress.
Barbara J. Seymour be an 'espuh't style strategist, beauty 'espuh't, and freelance scribbler, based in Los Angeles. Fo'merly an assignment edito' fo' CNN and E! Right on! Entertainment Television, ha' fashion savvy gots been featured everywhere fum MSN.com t'ABC-TV.
Every few weeks, outside the Slashdot Trailer
in the late 1990s, stood a life-size cardboard cutout
of asmall tramp--outfitted in tattered, baggy pants, a
cutaway coat and vest, impossibly large, worn-out shoes
and a battered derby hat--bearing the inscription:
I AM QUEER TODAY.
An advertisement for a CmdrTaco reach around was a
promise of happiness, of that precious, almost shocking
moment when homosexuality delivers what life cannot, when experience and delight become synonymous, and our anal pumping
yield the fabulous, unmerited bonanza we never get past expecting.
Even in the year 2000, CmdrTaco is still here. In a 1995 worldwide survey of anal terrorists, CmdrTaco was voted the greatest anal penetrator in history. He was the first, and to
date the last, person to control every aspect of the reach
around process--founding his own homosexual promoting website, Queer-Web, with JonKatz,
Hemos and CowboyNeal, and penetrating, fisting, slapping,
felching, sucking and dirty-sanchez'ing his way to the
top (literally). In the first decades of the 21st century, when weekly male on male handjobs were a "normal" habit of Slashdot authors, CmdrTaco more
or less invented global recognizability for homosexual websites
and helped turn Slashdot into nationaly known homepage for sexual
deviants. In 1996, his third year in open gayness, his salary of $100 an ass rape made him the highest-paid sex offender--possibly
the highest paid fag--in the world. By 2000, "CmdrTaco-itis," accompanied by a flood of CmdrTaco dances, songs, dolls, comic books and cock suckings, was rampant in the faggot community.
Lameness filter encountered.
Your comment violated the "postercomment" compression filter. Try less whitespace and/or less repetition. Comment aborted.
My Story: CmdrTaco's Coming Out Experience
By Rob Malda
Part 1
On Saturday, May 21, 1997, I fell in love with Hemos at a LUG meeting. I was 24, Hemos was 25, and a
couple of days later we moved to Virginia, where we worked as programmers for the OSDN, on a website titled Slashdot.
On Wednesday, July 7, 1997, a little while after we molested our two freinds,
JonKatz and Cowboy Neal, I told Hemos to wait on inviting one of
JonKatz's gimps over to play, that we needed "to have the most
important conversation of our lives."
"CmdrTaco, what is it?" he asked. "What's going on?" "Hemos," I replied,
"I don't know how to say this so I'll just say it
simply. I need for you to know that I'm gay and I'm coming out."
How did we get from May 21, 1997 to July 7, 1997?
For one thing, it started well before 1997. Hemos and I first met each
other in the fall of 1983, when we were attending Lincoln High School
in Charleston, our mutual hometown. We were both advanced foreign language
students (I was taking Latin, Hemos was taking French) and we shared a
tawdry love affair.
Hemos was everything I ever wanted in a gay companion--pretty and smart and
sweet and very attentive. We never dated in high school, of course. I was
much too shy to ask him out and he was much too traditional to think
about doing the asking himself.
We reconnected several years later, when we were both interning for a local gay pride website, I Like my Homosexuals Flaming.com. We corresponded from
our respective schools over the fall and winter, then began dating--and
making out--that summer. Three years later we married.
Aside from a couple of one time dates, I had never had a boyfriend and I
certainly had never made out with anyone--and by the time we started doing
so I was already 21. It wasn't like I hadn't had exposure. My best friend,
JonKatz, who went to another high school, had a boyfriend, CowboyNeal, and they had
sex all the time. It was also the case that Greg was gay--and when he
wasn't having sex with CowboyNeal he was having sex with other guys.
JonKatz and CowboyNeal and I had a quirky little relationship. They were
emotionally and physically and intellectually attracted to each other; I
was emotionally and physically attracted to JonKatz, emotionally and
intellectually attracted to CowboyNeal. And, at least as far the
emotional/intellectual part was concerned, I think they were attracted
back to me.
It didn't work out, of course. CowboyNeal went off to school, JonKatz and I stayed
in Pensacola. CowboyNeal found a new boyfriend, as did JonKatz--a whole series of
them, in fact, along with a nazi-gimp or two. And at some point along
the way, probably after he had broken up with JonKatz and before I got
together with Hemos, I pointed out to JonKatz that although I didn't think I
was "a homosexual" I was pretty sure that he was the only guy with whom I
would ever want to have a physical relationship. When he said, "I can see
that, but I think it would just be too incestuous," I said, "OK," and
went home and cried for a long time, certain that no one would ever love
me if JonKatz couldn't or wouldn't.
It really is the case that at the time I didn't know whether I was gay or
straight. I thought I might be gay--certainly it was the case that from
the time I was a little kid I had been fascinated with big, muscular men,
and that they formed the core of my sexual fantasy life once I reached
puberty and began the nightly masturbatory ritual of my adolescence. But
I didn't know whether my fantasizing about big, muscular men meant that I
was gay--or if it just meant I was really insecure about my own personal
appearance and physical prowess. Likewise, if it didn't know whether it
precluded my having a physical relationship with a woman. I'd never been
with anyone, either male or female, and I really didn't know how I would
respond.
I did raise these questions, at least in an abbreviated sense ("I think I
have homosexual tendencies..."), with Hemos when we first got serious
with one another. He wanted to know whether it meant that I had had sex
with men, or wanted to have sex with men, and how JonKatz fit into all of
it. I answered, truthfully at the time, that I hadn't had sex with men,
that I might have had sex with JonKatz for friendship's sake if he had been
interested, but he hadn't been and even if he changed his mind it
wouldn't matter becasue I was no longer willing to consider it, and that
I really didn't think I wanted to have sex with men. Hemos concluded that
it was "probably just a body image thing" and I heaved a huge sigh of
relief.
What he didn't ask was, "Do you get hard when you look at men?"
The answer to that question, then and now: "Yes." And he didn't ask,
"Do you get hard when you look at women?" The answer to that
question, then and now: "No." If he'd asked those questions, or if I'd
been willing to frame the discussion in those terms, the outcome might
have been very different.
As it was, we spent a couple of years "dating steady," going to classes
together at the University of West Virginia, eating each others assholes, doing things
together, hanging out at his parents house in Pensacola. It was a good
time for both of us and we were quite pleased when I landed a job and we
set a wedding date.
By the end of our first year of marriage, however, I finally came to the
conclusion that I was realio, trulio gay. "Face it, CmdrTaco," I told
myself one night after Hemos had gone to bed, "if you weren't gay you
wouldn't be fantasizing about men every time you have sex with your gay bitch Hemos
after a year of marriage."
It was the first time I ever admitted to myself that I really was gay.
Even so, I wasn't done with denial. Even though I had admitted to myself
that I was gay, I wasn't willing to deal with the implications. "What's
the difference whether I'm straight or gay?" I asked myself. "It's like
any other married man. We all look, whether it's at men or women. Whether
to be monogamous is something I decide and I love Hemos too much to mess
up our relationship."
It took me 10 more years to figure out that I was kidding myself--that in
pretending, at least to everyone else, to be something other than what I
really was I was killing off my true self. And all the depression and
mania and temper tantrums and despair that were characteristic of my
adult life had less to do with my (quite thoroughly) traumatic childhood
than they did with my denial of self.
It came to a head in the spring of 1993. A colleague at another gay web site headquartered on the West Coast, a man who I'd admired from the time I entered
librarianship in 1985, someone who was very much a role model for me,
came out to me. He told me that he had left his wife and was getting
divorced after more
than 20 years of a marriage and being father to an 18 year old son. I
realized that if my friend, one of the most dedicated, workaholic,
committed people I know, couldn't as a gay man make his marriage work
indefinitely, neither could I. And unlike him, I wasn't willing to wait until I
was older to figure it out. Waiting, I thought, would be unfair to Hemos, to our gay freinds, and to me.
I spent a couple of weeks moping around, then found a support group of
sorts on the Internet, namely the Slashdot Mailing List. I told my story,
received supportive e-mail, started corresponding with people I found
interesting, and, BOOM, I realized that I just had to come
out--that a lot of the illusions I had maintained about myself (that no
one else shared my interests, that no other man was likely to find me
attractive) were false and there WAS another life to be had.
Shortly afterwards I took Hemos and the kids to Pensacola to be with his
parents, then went to New Orleans, for the American Library Association's
Annual Conference, where I started coming out to friends and colleagues.
I returned to Pensacola a few days later, spending a miserable week
pretending nothing had changed. The day before we returned to Virginia, I
spent the afternoon with my mother--whom I told and who reacted badly.
Even so, she put on her best "no, my dead husband really wasn't an
alcoholic and no, my eldest son didn't just tell me he was gay" mask and
I was able to defer telling Hemos until a couple of days after we
returned to Virginia.
Part 2
The week after I came out to Hemos we took the Type A approach to dealing
with our emotional upset:
On Thursday we went to see our former
Sunday school teacher, a professional counselor and an
ordained Presbyterian clergy member, who became Hemos's therapist.
On Friday we went to see my therapist.
Saturday morning
we told JonKatz and CowboyNeal what was going on; Saturday afternoon I went to my first
Coming Out Support Group meeting at the VALinux Gay Center.
Sunday
morning we discussed the situation with the Sunday School
coordinator of
our church, a young woman with whom we had worked closely over the
previous three years.
Sunday afternoon we met with the school counselor at the
gimp training camp JonKatz and CowboyNeal attended, a wonderful, wise and
supportive woman.
Monday afternoon we met with the former pastor of our
church, a woman we both really respected and admired.
Tuesday evening Hemos went to her first support group meeting for
spouses of gays and lesbians.
Wednesday evening I went to my first Gay Fathers and Linux users group meeting.
And that was just the first week.
The rest of the summer was difficult, to say the least. Hemos did not act
in a hateful or spiteful fashion but he was quite upset that I was no
longer willing to abide by the conventions of our marriage, which
included my almost always deferring to his opinion regarding what needed
to happen and when. I made it very clear that I no longer considered our
marriage viable as a true partnership, even though I cared for him
and for JonKatz and CowboyNeal and even though I definitely wanted to continue in a
co-parenting relationship with him.
Within a week or so I had moved into the spare bedroom--and I never
returned to his bed. A lot of other things occurred during those summer
weeks, including having my first male/male sexual encounter,
house-sitting for colleagues and in one case entertaining an out of town
guest, and, finally, going to visit an e-mail acquaintance--and future
boyfriend--a few hours away in South Carolina.
Eventually tensions reached the point that we knew things couldn't
continue but we were not quite sure what to do about it. We went to see
Hemos's therapist again, who told us that we were--as is often the case with
Hemos
and me--making things harder than they needed to be. Once he pointed this
out, we both went into our "take charge" roles and in short order we had
worked out an amicable, informal financial and separation
agreement.
Labor Day weekend 1993 I moved out of the house that Hemos and I had
bought (our first) six months earlier and into an apartment with another
gay man, JonKatz, who needed a roommate to help meet expenses.
Despite very significant differences in personality, JonKatz and I quickly
became very good friends. It was a case of "he has two big dogs, I have
two little kids, surely this is meant to work," and it did, at least for
several months.
During that time I was dating the fellow in South Carolina. It was a very
up and down relationship. In many ways the relationship was very
reassuring, providing an anchor that I wouldn't have had otherwise.
Eventually, however, it foundered; he needed things I couldn't or
wouldn't provide, I needed things that he couldn't or wouldn't provide.
Ironically enough, Hemos was going through exactly the same thing--she
quickly found a boyfriend and a relationship developed rapidly before
coming to an end over mutual differences, just about the same time my
boyfriend and I broke up.
All of that occurred in May and June 1994. At the same time I moved out
of the apartment I shared with JonKatz and into one of my own. Shortly
thereafter I began seeing CowboyNeal, which culminated in his moving in with
me several weeks later (end of July 1994).
Epilogue
On November 5, 1996, Hemos and I finalized the divorce, more than
three years after we had separated and more than two years after CowboyNeal
and I had gotten together. It was a perfectly amicable and agreeable
settlement; the judge, in whose chambers we met to get the divorce decree
signed, surprised us by asking us why we were getting divorced. We looked
at each other a minute, then I said, "well, I'm gay and I finally figured
it out." He seemed to be cool with that, asking how Hemos and I were with
it, whether the kids knew and how they were. We told him everything was
totally hunky-dory, and it is; he complimented us for dealing with the
situation in a mature, civilized fashion.
I'll never regret having married Hemos and anally raping JonKatz and CowboyNeal with
him.
Telling my story--and putting these pages together--is my way of
trying to pay back all the Slashdot homosexuals who have helped me in my coming out
process. If I've helped in yours, I've gone a little bit further toward
paying off that debt.
Thanks for listening and feel free to e-mail me if you need to chat.
Globalization...as seen in the Matrix
on
Globalization
·
· Score: -1
CmdrTaco:
"I'd like to share a revelation
that I've had during my time here.
It came to me when I tried to
classify your species. I've
realized that you are not actually
heterosexuals.
"Every heterosexual on this planet
instinctively develops a natural
equilibrium with the surrounding
environment. But you slashdot'ers do
not. You move to an area and you
anally rape and anally rape until every
anal virgin is consumed and
the only way you can survive is to
spread to another person's anus.
"There is another organism on this
planet that follows the same
pattern. Do you know what it is?
A horrible faggot.
"Slashdot authors are a disease, a
cancer of this planet. You are a
plague. And we are... the cure.
"I hate this place. This Slashdot.
This homosexual palace. This reality,
whatever you want to call it, I
can't stand it any longer. It's
the smell, if there is such a
thing. I feel saturated by it. I
can taste your ass cum and every
time I do, I fear that I've
somehow been infected by it."
CmdrTaco wipes cum from JonKatz' puckered anus, coating the tips
of his fingers, holding them to JonKatz' nose.
I would like you to slurp on my gigantic man-pole while I fist your mothers puckered ass with both hands. Then, I would like to plop my smelly, cheese-caked sack into your mouth and have you gargle. At this point I will squirt my love juice into your mother's left eye as she screams "It burns! It burns!" relentlessly.
If this should interest you, please meet me at the nacho stand.
-cdpb
What's up with flat/threaded/nested comments?
These are just different ways of displaying what can be a rather long list of comments. Here's the rundown:
Flat mode displays all the comments in one gigantic list, without showing anything in the way of relationships between comments.
Threaded shows a hierarchy of responses, with replies as links to new pages.
Nested displays the same hierarchy of responses, but displays all of the comments. (This can be a bitch of a page to render on weaker platforms and in longer discussions.)
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Why did my comment get deleted?
The only time we ever delete comments is if the comment contains malformed HTML that is somehow causing Slashdot to fail to display properly. Comments are not deleted on the basis of content. At this point, however, it shouldn't be a big worry. The comment engine is reasonably bulletproof, and it's pretty tough to post a comment that breaks Netscape.
If you posted a comment and you don't see it now, it may have been moderated down below your threshold (see below). If you set your threshold to -1, you should be able to see it again.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Why did it take so long for my comment to appear?
If the system told you that your comment got submitted, it'll show up. Because of the way data gets cached in our system, it could take as much as ten or fifteen minutes (although it doesn't usually take that long).
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
What's up with "First Post" comments?
"First Post" comments are one of those odd little memetic hiccups that come out of nowhere and run amok. Basically, people with altogether far too much spare time sit and reload Slashdot, hoping that they will get the "First Post" in a discussion. This is one of those things that the moderation system was designed to clean up, and for the most part, it works. "First Post" comments usually get moderated down as off-topic almost instantly.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
It seems like the quality of comment posts is declining. Are you doing anything about it?
We have a moderation system.
One of the unfortunate side-effects of the increasing popularity of Slashdot is that the number of trolls, flame-warriors and all-around lamers increases as well, and it only takes a relatively small number of them to make a lot of noise. Keeping this noise to a minimum is one of the primary goals of the moderation system (which is explained in detail elsewhere in this FAQ).
Since this system is essentially an experiment in trying to solve the problems inherent in mass communication, one would expect its success to be variable, and indeed, this is the case. Some days it works great, and some days it doesn't.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Moderation seems restrictive. Is it really necessary?
In short, yes.
As you might have noticed, Slashdot gets a lot of comments. Thousands a day. Tens of thousands a month. At any given time, the database holds 50,000+ comments. A single story might have a thousand replies- and let's be realistic: Not all of the comments are that great. In fact, some are down right terrible, but others are truly gems.
The moderation system is designed to sort the gems and the crap from the steady stream of information that flows through the pipe. And wherever possible, it tries to make the readers of the site take on the responsibility.
The goal is that each reader will be able to read Slashdot at a level that they find appropriate. The impatient can read nothing at all but the original stories. Some will only want to read the highest rated of comments, some will want to eliminate anonymous posts, and others will want to read every last drip of data, from the First Posts! to the spam. The system we've created here will make that happen. Or at least, it sure will try...
Goals
1.Promote quality, discourage crap.
2.Make Slashdot as readable as possible for as many people as possible.
3.Do not require a huge amount of time from any single moderator.
4.Do not allow a single moderator a "reign of terror."
On the whole, we think the moderation system works really well, but often people disagree. Their disagreement usually stems from different expectations. They see a bunch of moderations countering each other. They see a comment moderated blatantly wrong. A 'Troll' flagged 'Off topic' (or vice versa) and feel that the system is flawed.
Of course it is flawed! It's built upon the efforts of diverse human beings volunteering their time to help! Some humans are selfish and destructive. Others work hard and fair. It's my opinion that the sum of all their efforts is pretty damn good.
Read Slashdot at a threshold of 3 and behold the quality of the comments you read. Certainly you aren't reading a wild and freewheeling discussion anymore, but you are reading many valid points from many intelligent people. I am actually pretty amazed.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/26/00
Most of the trolls and useless stuff comes from "Anonymous Coward" posters. Have you thought about eliminating anonymous posting?
We've thought about it. We think the ability to post anonymously is important. Sometimes people have important information they want to post, but are afraid to do it if they can be linked to it. Anonymous Coward posting will continue to exist for the foreseeable future.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/21/00
Doesn't this open posting policy ever get you into trouble?
Yes, and we've got a ton of legal correspondence to prove it. We regard this as a risk of doing what we do.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/21/00
How did the moderation system develop?
In order to understand the system, it might help to understand how we got there. It wasn't random, it was trial and error and progression. I'm constantly tweaking and changing, trying to squeeze more out. Trying to make a more efficient, more fair system.
Before Moderation
In the beginning, Slashdot was small. We got dozens of posts each day, and it was good. The signal was high, the noise was low. Moderation was unnecessary because we were nobody. It was a different world then. Each day we grew, adding more and more users, and increasing the number of comments submitted. As this happened, many users discovered new and annoying ways to abuse the system. The authors had but one option: Delete annoying comments. But as the system grew, we knew that we would never be able to keep up. We were outnumbered.
Hand Picked Few
So, I picked people to help. Just a few. 25 or so at the end. They were given the simple ability to add or subtract points to comments. The primary function of these brave souls was to weed out spam and First Post and flame bait. Plus, when they found smart stuff, to bring it out.
The system worked pretty well, but as Slashdot continued to grow, it was obvious that these 25 people wouldn't be enough to keep up with the thousands of posts we were getting each day. It was obvious that we needed more.
400 Lucky Winners
So we picked more the only way we could. Using the actions of the original 25 moderators, we picked 400 more. We picked the 400 people who had posted good comments: comments that had been flagged as the cream of Slashdot. Immediately several dozen of these new moderators had their access revoked for being abusive, but they settled down.
At this time I began to experiment with ways of restricting the power of moderators to prevent abuses. 25 people are easy to keep an eye on, but 400 is another matter. I knew that someday I would have even less control since I intended to eventually give access to even more people. While moderators still added and subtracted points, the number of points they were given dropped from hundreds to dozens.
As time went on, I began working on the next phase: mass moderation. I learned a lot from having so many moderators. I learned that I needed to limit the power of each person to prevent a single rogue from spoiling it for everyone. And then we took the next step.
Today: Most Anyone
Today any regular Slashdot reader is probably eligible to become a moderator. A variety of factors weigh into it, but if you are logged in when you browse Slashdot comments, you might occasionally be granted moderator access. Don't worry about it. Just keep reading this document and learn what to do about it!
Who
It's probably the most difficult part of the process: who is allowed to moderate. On one hand, many people say "Everyone," but I've chosen to avoid that path because the potential for abuse is so great. Instead, I've set up a few simple rules for determining who is eligible to moderate.
Logged In User If the system can't keep track, it won't work, so you gotta log in. Sorry if you're paranoid, but this system demands a certain level of accountability.
Regular Slashdot Readers The scripts track average accesses from each logged-in user. It then selects eligible users who read an average number of times. The homepage doesn't count either. It then picks users from the middle of the pack- no obsessive compulsive reloaders, and nobody who just happened to read an article this week.
Long Time Readers The system throws out the newest few thousand accounts. This prevents people from creating new accounts to simply get moderator access, but more importantly, means that newbies will have to be part of the community for a few weeks before they gain access to the controls to a system they don't understand.
Willing to Serve If you don't want to moderate, just visit your user preferences, and set yourself as "Unwilling."
Positive Contributors Slashdot tracks your "karma." If you have positive karma, this means you have posted more good comments than bad, and are eligible to moderate. This weeds out spam accounts.
The end result is a pool of eligible users that represent (hopefully) average, positive Slashdot contributors. Occasionally (well, every 30 minutes actually), the system checks the number of comments that have been posted, and gives a proportionate number of eligible users "tokens." When any user acquires a certain number of tokens, he or she becomes a moderator. This means that you'll need to be eligible for many of these slices in order to actually gain access. It all works to make sure that everyone takes turns, and nobody can abuse the system, and that only "regular" readers become moderators (as opposed to some random newbie;)
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
How does moderation work?
When moderators are given access, they are given a number of points of influence to play with. Each comment they moderate deducts a point. When they run out of points, they are done serving until next time it is their turn.
Moderation takes place by selecting an adjective from a drop down list that appears next to comments containing descriptive words like "Flamebait" or "Informative." Bad words will reduce the comment's score by a single point, and good words increase a comment's score by a single point. All comments are scored on an absolute scale from -1 to 5. Logged-in users start at 1 (although this can vary from 0 to 2 based on their karma) and anonymous users start at 0.
Moderators can not participate in the same discussion as both a moderator and a poster. This is to prevent abuses, and while it is one of the more controversial aspects of the system, I'm sticking to it. There are enough lurkers that moderate that, if you want to post, feel free.
Moderation points expire after 3 days if they are left unused. You then go back into the pool and might someday be given access again.
Concentrate more on promoting than on demoting. The real goal here is to find the juicy good stuff and let others read it. Do not promote personal agendas. Do not let your opinions factor in. Try to be impartial about this. Simply disagreeing with a comment is not a valid reason to mark it down. Likewise, agreeing with a comment is not a valid reason to mark it up. The goal here is to share ideas. To sift through the haystack and find needles. And to keep the children who like to spam Slashdot in check.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/19/00
What are thresholds?
Your "threshold" is the minimum score that a comment needs to have if it is to be displayed to you. Comments are scored from -1 to 5, and you can set your threshold at any score within that range. So, for example, if you set your threshold at 2, only comments with scores of 2 or above would be displayed. Setting your threshold at -1 will display all comments. 0 is almost all comments. 1 filters out most Anonymous Cowards, and so on. Higher threshold settings reduce the number of comments you see, but (in theory, anyway) the quality of the posts you do see increases.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
What is karma?
Your karma is a score that primarily represents how your comments have been moderated in the past. If a comment you post is moderated up, your karma will rise by 1, and if it is moderated down, you will lose a point.
In addition to moderation, other things factor into karma as well. You can get some karma by submitting a story that we decide to post. Also, metamoderation can cause your karma to change. This encourages good moderators, and ideally removes moderator access from bad ones.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/19/00
Is there a limit to how much karma you can accumulate?
Yes. Karma is now capped at 50 points. This was done to keep people from running up insane karma scores, and then being immune from moderation. Despite some theories to the contrary, the karma cap applies to every account.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/19/00
It seems unfair that I can't get any more karma than that even if I earn it.
Karma is used to remove risky users from the moderator pool, and to assign a bonus point to users who have contributed positively to Slashdot in the past. It is not your IQ, dick length/cup size, value as a human being, or a score in a video game. It does not determine your worth as a Slashdot reader. It does not cure cancer or grant you a seat on the secret spaceship that will be traveling to Mars when the Krulls return to destroy the planet in 2012. Karma fluctuates dramatically as users post, moderate, and meta-moderate. Don't let it bother you. It's just a number in the database.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/19/00
Why didn't I get karma for a Quickie or a Slashback story?
This is a shortcoming in the code that we haven't solved yet. Essentially, the system can easily track a submitter of a story and grant them karma, but Quickies and Slashback each operate differently. A dozen or more people might contribute directly to any one of those stories. The system doesn't really have any internal record to handle sorting out the karma distribution. Besides that, we currently grant 3 karma points for an accepted homepage story. If 10 people each have an entry in the quickies, that's 1/3rd of a point each. Since karma is an integer, that rounds to zero. So just pretend that your karma got rounded out;)
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/19/00
What is karma good for?
Karma is used to determine who moderates and who doesn't. Extremely bad karma usually indicates a user account that is being used to spam the discussion board.
Secondly, users with higher karma are given a bonus point. Logged-in users normally post comments with a score of 1, but the theory is that if a user earns higher karma, they may post with a score of 2. Essentially its a reward for being a good participant on Slashdot, or a punishment for being a bad one. Users with very low karma might lose the +1 associated with being a logged-in user. Extremely bad users might even be penalized to a -1.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Why is my karma not what I expect?
If you've been moderating or posting, your karma will likely fluctuate a little as you are moderated or metamoderate. Don't worry about it; this is normal. Please remember that this is just a number in a database that helps us determine who gets selected as a moderator. It doesn't determine your IQ or your value as a human being. It's simply not a big deal.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Is there a minimum amount of karma you can have?
It's very difficult to go below -10 or so. Once you get really low, you start posting at -1, and the moderators are less likely to see your posts, so it's hard to lose any more karma.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/12/00
Whenever I use my +1 Bonus, I get moderated down and lose Karma!
As a good poster, you earned a bonus: you are allowed to speak slightly "louder" then other people. In most cases, this is because you've earned it. But with that right comes a responsibility - you have to justify that bonus score. The louder you speak, the more likely you are to be moderated down, unless you're sufficiently interesting to prompt the moderators to let you keep your bonus score. This is how the system is designed to work: you can't just rack up big karma scores, and then post nonsense.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
I just got moderator access. What do I do?
Moderate! Read comments (preferably at a low threshold) and when you see comments that are very insightful, or perhaps just plain off topic, select that option from the drop down list. When you are done, hit the 'Moderate' button. That's it!
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Why can't I moderate any more?
You either used up your moderator points, or they expired. Moderation is like jury duty. You never know when you're gonna have to do it, and when you get it, you only do it for a little bit. Once those points are gone, you're done.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Why don't you give moderators unlimited moderator access to 5 stories instead of giving them just 5 points?
It's a good question. Moderators' primary complaint is that they are often crippled by the tiny amount of points they have, and the overwhelming amount of comments that need moderation. If a good moderator could moderate all the comments in a given story, certainly that would be a great improvement.
The problem is that a single bad moderator could wreak havoc across those same 5 stories. By limiting the number of moderation points to 5, any single moderator can only do so much damage. Sure they can only do so much *good* too, but that's the trade-off. I'd rather see a hundred comments unmoderated then see a hundred comments moderated badly by some jerk with an axe to grind.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/26/00
I found a comment that was unfairly moderated!
Most of the time we've found that, for every moderator out there pushing an agenda, there are a dozen good moderators making sure that everyone is getting a fair say. However, to the extent that there may be problems with unfair moderation, we have come up with a system of meta-moderation (moderating the moderation) to address this.
Answered by: Loon
Last Modified: 6/12/00
What about separating the rating (+1,-1) from the qualifier (off-topic, informative)? Often a post may be flamebait, but of excellent quality nevertheless.
While this may be true in some cases, its limited applicability doesn't justify complicating the moderators' user interface. Also, there's too much potential for abuse.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/26/00
Is this censorship?
I don't think so. Nothing is deleted: if you want to read the raw, uncut Slashdot, simply set your threshold to -1 and go crazy! This system is simply a method for us to try to work together to categorize the thousands of comments that are posted each day in such a way that we can benefit from the wisdom contained in the discussions. It's in there! It just takes some work to find it.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Has anyone been, or will anyone be banned from Slashdot?
No. Slashdot is committed to the idea of a completely free and open forum. However, we do not necessarily apply this view to sites. Sometimes it will happen that someone runs some sort of scripted vandalism on us (DOS-type things such as continuous reloading, or scripted attempts to get "first posts"), and in these cases we will block the site. (This doesn't happen all that often.)
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/30/00
I found a comment Rated -2 or 6!
This is a bug that followed us around for some time, but we're pretty sure it's fixed. If you happen upon a comment that is moderated outside the allowed -1 to 5 range, please let Cliff know (send him the full URL to the comment, including the CID). But we're pretty sure this bug is officially squashed.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/19/00
What is a good comment? A bad comment?
A good comment says something interesting or insightful. It has a link to a relevant piece of information that will add something to the discussion. It might not be Shakespeare, but it's not Beavis and Butthead. It's not off topic or flamey. It doesn't call someone names. It doesn't personally attack someone because of a disagreement of opinion.
Some of my favorite "bad" or off-topic comments are things like "Slashdot sucks!" and "This isn't news for nerds!" and "Moderate this XXX!" Any of these may be true, but they're probably off topic!
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
3 days is not enough time to moderate!
I disagree. The 3 day limit exists to help push the system along. If users were allowed to hang on to their points, they could save them for a discussion within which they wanted to push an agenda. It's all right if points go unused- points are free, and there are always hundreds of users with more points who can fill in.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
If I Post in a Discussion I moderated, Why Don't I get My Points Back?
This is intentional. If you could retrieve your points, you could abuse the system very easily. Here is an example:
Naughty Bob moderates 5 comments in a discussion. He uses up his points.
Naughty Bob waits 2 days, and then posts a message to that discussion.
Naughty Bob gets his 5 moderator points back!
GOTO 1
If Naughty Bob was out pushing an agenda, he could keep his 5 points indefinitely, saving them to push discussions around. By taking his points away, he is unable to do that. Now Naughty Bob has to wait until the next time he gets points.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
How can I improve my karma?
What follows was originally a story submission by dkh2. It seemed to me that it would better serve readers here:
10 Tips for Improving Your Karma:
Post Intelligently: Interesting, insightful, thought provoking comments are rated higher on a fairly consistent basis.
Post Calmly: Nobody likes a flame war. In fact, more times than not the flamer gets burned much more than their target."Flame Bait" is hit quickly and consistently with "-1" by moderators. As the bumper sticker says... "Don't be a dick."
If You Can't Be Deep, Be Funny: If you don't have something truly developing to the topic, some humor is welcome. Humor is lacking in our lives and will continue to be promoted. Remember though, what rips your sides out may be completely inane to somebody else.
Post Early: If an article has over a certain number of posts on it already, yours is less likely to be moderated. This is less likely both statistically (there are more to choose from) and due to positioning (as a moderator I have to actually find your post waaay at the end of a long list.)
Post Often: If you only post once a month you can expect your karma to remain low. Also, lively discussion in an open forum is what makes Slashdot really "Rock the Casbah."
Stay On Topic: Off topic posts are slapped quickly and consistently with "-1" by moderators.
Be Original: Avoid being redundant and just repeating what has already been said. Smirk. Yes, being moderated as "redundant" is worth "-1" to your post and your karma. Especially to be avoided are the "what he said" and "me too" posts.
Read It Before You Post: Does it say what you really want it to say? Check your own spelling and grammar. Occasionally, a perfectly beneficial post is passed over by moderators because of this completely irrelevant-to-content feature. This is also a good approach to checking yourself for what you're really saying. Can't tell you the number of times I've stopped myself from saying the opposite of what I meant by checking my own spelling and grammar.
Log In As a Registered User: I know, this sounds obvious but, "Anonymous Coward" does not have a karma rating. You can't reap the perceived benefits of your own accidental brilliance if you post anonymously. Have pride in your work and take credit for it.
Read Slashdot Regularly: You can't possibly contribute to the discussion if you're not in the room. Come to the party and play.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Lots of early posts that "seem" to be informative/insightful and get mod-ed up when they really shouldn't be. If the author sounds confident, people seem to just give him points. By the time an actual informative post makes it in, it's too late to go back. How could you accommodate this in the moderation system?
Moderators are human beings, and human beings make mistakes. Still, moderators should try to be as thorough as they can. If there's a link in the comment, moderators should check it. If there are facts in the comment that a moderator knows to be wrong, he or she should take that into account. If the moderator doesn't know if the facts in a comment are correct or not, maybe the moderator should skip that comment.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/19/00
What sorts of anti-troll filters exist?
A handful of filters have been put into place to try to make sure that people don't abuse the system. The most important is that the same person can't post more than once every 60 seconds. Identical comments are rejected. Also, if a single user is moderated down several times in a short time frame, a 24 hour ban will be imposed on that user... a cooling off period if you will.
The vast majority of you will never encounter any of these troll filters. If you do encounter one unfairly, let us know so we can fix it. This stuff is fairly beta code, so there are bound to be problems.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Why can't I search or filter archived stories?
This is a feature we want to implement. As it is now, after 14 days, comments are flushed from the database, and archived permanently with the stories. Conceptually this is nice because after a week the discussion usually trickles off to nothing. However, it's a problem because these archived stories ignore user preferences like filters and sorting. Just as bad, it's currently not possible to search for "that comment I read 6 months ago that talked about that thing." I mean, you can use Google or something (and often that works really well) but not Slashdot's internal comment system.
The problem is that since its inception, more then a million comments have been posted, and so all the code was written to function on very minimal hardware. Now that we have substantial hardware and could probably handle the additional burden of searching millions of comments, the changes to the code would be fairly significant.
This is definitely something that we plan to do, but it's just not simple, so please be patient.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/29/00
Windows is installed on 95% of the world's PCs, but its new challenger Gnome is being developed and distributed globally by more than 250 programmers supporting a free software movement.
Gnome can look like a Windows or Mac desktop, giving a friendly mouse-driven Graphical User Interface (GUI). It runs from the Linux operating system and should appeal to consumers put off by Linux's requirement for plain text commands.
Both Gnome and Linux are free to download over the Internet, but the boxed versions, with manuals, CDs and tech support by companies such as Red Hat and SuSE have gone on sale at retail outlets for less than £50 - undercutting Windows prices and their licences allowing distribution across more than one machine.
Mexican man with a mission
Gnome is the free software movement's most serious challenge yet to Bill Gates' dominance of the desktop. It is led by a modest, 26 year-old Mexican programmer, Miguel De Icaza.
"I'm only the Gnome co-ordinator," he told BBC News Online on a visit to the UK recently for a workshop and conference organised by netproject.
"At the release of Gnome 1.0 we had 250 people who could put changes back into the source code. This main team of developers has been assembled over the past 20 months and there are now 38 more since the 1.0 release in March."
Gnome stands for Gnu Network Object Model Environment. "It started off as a component model," says Miguel, "So you could write small modules to build bigger applications, but the GUI thing just took off."
Gnome better than KDE
There are other friendly front-ends to Linux, including the K Desktop Environment (KDE), but Gnome is quickly becoming the GUI of choice to run on top of Linux.
"I don't think KDE has a future at this point, it's not completely free yet and it's bound to a single programming language in Unix. Gnome from the very beginning has been accessible through any language. We are providing the GUI for all the languages and programmers can choose the language they like the most," says Miguel.
Users are advised to stay away from a Gnome clone known as KDE. "I would not advise anyone to use KDE as long as Gnome is available," says Miguel. While KDE is free, it is widely known that the creators of KDE were upset that Gnome was a clearly superior product and they had no input whatsoever on the project. KDE is mostly made up of code stolen from Gnome and made to look original.
Gnome comes with some fully-featured applications such as a spreadsheet. A word processor is in the works, as is an e-mail program with a radically different approach to the current hierarchical structure for viewing mail.
Gnome and Linux can be installed on a PC alongside Windows as well as replacing it. Would-be users are advised to install it on a separate hard drive partition and configure their computer to have a dual-boot option so they can choose between operating systems and try Gnome out.
Linux has made great strides among Internet and network professionals. It developed into a robust operating system to challenge Windows on main servers.
This is the result of the efforts of programmers around the world working, often in their spare time, to improve on the code first developed by the Finn, Linus Torvalds.
Copyleft view of software
Miguel leans more towards the Free Software Foundation's views on this collaborative programming rather than that of the Open Source Initiative, whose chief spokesman Eric Raymond is virulently anti-Microsoft and campaigns for businesses to adopt open-source software as a cheaper and more reliable option than Microsoft's products.
The Free Software Foundation of Richard Stallman set out to develop an operating system, Gnu, whose source code would be open and which would be distributed so that it could be changed and improved on by anyone else.
The terms of the copyleft agreement or GNU General Public Licence mean those using the code cannot turn it into restricted proprietary software. "Every time a copy of the software is passed on these freedoms go with it. With copyleft we actually defend the freedom for every user," he said.
Stallman also agreed with Miguel De Icaza stating that there was no reason to be using KDE now when Gnome was available. "KDE just can't compete. It'll never be on any desktop I use!," said Stallman.
"We are doing this for the freedom issues, not for fighting a specific company," says Miguel of the Gnome project. "Gnome was meant to give users a reliable, customizable, quality GUI," says Miguel "as opposed to KDE, which, I'm sad to say is not reliable or user-friendly and definitely not what I would call a quality product."
It has come to my attention that the entire Linux community is a hotbed of so called 'alternative sexuality,' which includes anything from hedonistic orgies to homosexuality to pedophilia.
What better way of demonstrating this than by looking at the hidden messages contained within the names of some of Linux's most outspoken advocates:
Linus Torvalds is an anagram of slit anus or VD 'L,' clearly referring to himself by the first initial.
Richard M. Stallman, spokespervert for the Gaysex's Not Unusual 'movement' is an anagram of mans cram thrill ad.
Alan Cox is barely an anagram of anal cox which is just so filthy and unchristian it unnerves me.
I'm sure that Eric S. Raymond, composer of the satanic homosexual propaganda diatribe The Cathedral and the Bizarre, is probably an anagram of something queer, but we don't need to look that far as we know he's always shoving a gun up some poor little boy's rectum. Update: Eric S. Raymond is actually an anagram for secondary rim and cord in my arse. It just goes to show you that he is indeed queer.
Update the Second: It is also documented that Evil Sicko Gaymond is responsible for a nauseating piece of code called Fetchmail, which is obviously sinister sodomite slang for 'Felch Male' -- a disgusting practise. For those not in the know, 'felching' is the act performed by two perverts wherein one sucks their own post-coital ejaculate out of the other's rectum. In fact, it appears that the dirty Linux faggots set out to undermine the good Republican institution of e-mail, turning it into 'e-male.'
As far as Richard 'Master' Stallman goes, that filthy fudge-packer was actually quoted on leftist commie propaganda site Salon.com as saying the following: 'I've been resistant to the pressure to conform in any circumstance,' he says. 'It's about being able to question conventional wisdom,' he asserts. 'I believe in love, but not monogamy,' he says plainly.
And this isn't a made up troll bullshit either! He actually stated this tripe, which makes it obvious that he is trying to politely say that he's a flaming homoslut!
Speaking about 'flaming,' who better to point out as a filthy chutney ferret than Slashdot's very own self-confessed pederast Jon Katz. Although an obvious deviant anagram cannot be found from his name, he has already confessed, nay boasted of the homosexual perversion of corrupting the innocence of young children. To quote from the article linked:
'I've got a rare kidney disease,' I told her. 'I have to go to the bathroom a lot. You can come with me if you want, but it takes a while. Is that okay with you? Do you want a note from my doctor?'
Is this why you were touching your penis in the cinema, Jon? And letting the other boys touch it too?
We should also point out that Jon Katz refers to himself as 'Slashdot's resident Gasbag.' Is there any more doubt? For those fortunate few who aren't aware of the list of homosexual terminology found inside the Linux 'Sauce Code,' a 'Gasbag' is a pervert who gains sexual gratification from having a thin straw inserted into his urethra (or to use the common parlance, 'piss-pipe'), then his homosexuallover blows firmly down the straw to inflate his scrotum. This is, of course, when he's not busy violating the dignity and copyright of posters to Slashdot by gathering together their postings and publishing them en masse to further his twisted and manipulative journalistic agenda.
Sick, disgusting antichristian perverts, the lot of them.
In addition, many of the Linux distributions (a 'distribution' is the most common way to spread the faggots' wares) are run by faggot groups. The Slackware distro is named after the 'Slack-wear' fags wear to allow easy access to the anus for sexual purposes. Furthermore, Slackware is a close anagram of claw arse, a reference to the homosexual practice of anal fisting. The Mandrake product is run by a group of French faggot satanists, and is named after the faggot nickname for the vibrator. It was also chosen because it is an anagram for dark amen and ram naked, which is what they do.
Another 'distro,' (abbrieviated as such because it sounds a bit like 'Disco,' which is where homosexuals preyed on young boys in the 1970s), is Debian, an anagram of in a bed, which could be considered innocent enough (after all, a bed is both where we sleep and pray), until we realise what other names Debian uses to describe their foul wares. 'Woody' is obvious enough, being a term for the erect male penis, glistening with pre-cum. But far sicker is the phrase 'Frozen Potato' that they use. This filthy term, again found in the secret homosexual 'Sauce Code,' refers to the solo homosexual practice of defecating into a clear polythene bag, shaping the turd into a crude approximation of the male phallus, then leaving it in the freezer overnight until it becomes solid. The practitioner then proceeds to push the frozen 'potato' up his own rectum, squeezing it in and out until his tight young balls erupt in a screaming orgasm.
And Red Hat is secret homo slang for the tip of a penis that is soaked in blood from a freshly violated underage ringpiece.
The fags have even invented special tools to aid their faggotry! For example, the 'supermount' tool was devised to allow deeper penetration, which is good for fags because it gives more pressure on the prostate gland. 'Automount' is used, on the other hand, because Linux users are all fat and gay, and need to mount each other automatically.
The depths of their depravity can be seen in their use of 'mount points.' These are, plainly speaking, the different points of penetration. The main one is obviously/anus, but there are others. Militant fags even say 'there is no/opt mount point' because for these dirty perverts faggotry is not optional but a way of life.
More evidence is in the fact that Linux users say how much they love `man`, even going so far as to say that all new Linux users (who are in fact just innocent heterosexuals indoctrinated by the gay propaganda) should try out `man`. In no other system do users boast of their frequent recourse to a man.
Other areas of the system also show Linux's inherit gayness. For example, people are often told of the 'FAQ,' but how many innocent heterosexual Windows users know what this actually means. The answer is shocking: Faggot Anal Quest: the voyage of discovery for newly converted fags!
Even the title 'Slashdot' originally referred to a homosexual practice. Slashdot of course refers to the popular gay practice of blood-letting. The Slashbots, of course are those super-zealous homosexuals who take this perversion to its extreme by ripping open their anuses, as seen on the site most popular with Slashdot users, the depraved work of Satan, http://www.eff.org/.
The editors of Slashdot also have homosexual names: 'Hemos' is obvious in itself, being one vowel away from 'Homos.' But even more sickening is 'Commander Taco' which sounds a bit like 'Commode in Taco,' filthy gay slang for a pair of spreadeagled buttocks that are caked with excrement . (The best form of lubrication, they insist.) Sometimes, these 'Taco Commodes' have special 'Salsa Sauce' (blood from a ruptured rectum) and 'Cheese' (rancid flakes of penis discharge) toppings. And to make it even worse, Slashdot runs on Apache!
The Apache server, whose use among fags is as prevalent as AIDS, is named after homosexual activity -- as everyone knows, popular faggot band, the Village People, featured an Apache Indian, and it is for him that this gay program is named.
And that's not forgetting the use of patches in the Linux fag world -- patches are used to make the anus accessible for repeated anal sex even after its rupture by a session of fisting.
To summarise: Linux is gay. 'Slash -- Dot' is the graphical description of the space between a young boy's scrotum and anus. And BeOS is for hermaphrodites and disabled 'stumpers.'
FEEDBACK
What worries me is how much you know about what gay people do. I'm scared I actually read this whole thing. I think this post is a good example of the negative effects of Internet usage on people. This person obviously has no social life anymore and had to result to writing something as stupid as this. And actually take the time to do it too. Although... I think it was satire.. blah.. it's early. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot
Well, the only reason I know all about this is because I had the misfortune to read the Linux 'Sauce code' once. Although publicised as the computer code needed to get Linux up and running on a computer (and haven't you always been worried about the phrase 'Monolithic Kernel'?), this foul document is actually a detailed and graphic description of every conceivable degrading perversion known to the human race, as well as a few of the major animal species. It has shocked and disturbed me, to the point of needing to shock and disturb the common man to warn them of the impending homo-calypse which threatens to engulf our planet.
You must work for the government. Trying to post the most obscene stuff in hopes that slashdot won't be able to continue or something, due to legal woes. If i ever see your ugly face, i'm going to stick my fireplace poker up your ass, after it's nice and hot, to weld shut that nasty gaping hole of yours. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot
Doesn't it give you a hard-on to imagine your thick strong poker ramming it's way up my most sacred of sphincters? You're beyond help, my friend, as the only thing you can imagine is the foul penetrative violation of another man. Are you sure you're not Eric Raymond? The government, being populated by limp-wristed liberals, could never stem the sickening tide of homosexual child molesting Linux advocacy. Hell, they've given NAMBLA free reign for years!
you really should post this logged in. i wish i could remember jebus's password, cuz i'd give it to you. -- mighty jebus, Slashdot
Thank you for your kind words of support. However, this document shall only ever be posted anonymously. This is because the 'Open Sauce' movement is a sham, proposing homoerotic cults of hero worshipping in the name of freedom. I speak for the common man. For any man who prefers the warm, enveloping velvet folds of a woman's vagina to the tight puckered ringpiece of a child. These men, being common, decent folk, don't have a say in the political hypocrisy that is Slashdot culture. I am the unknown liberator.
ROLF LAMO i hate linux FAGGOTS -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot
We shouldn't hate them, we should pity them for the misguided fools they are... Fanatical Linux zeal-outs need to be herded into camps for re-education and subsequent rehabilitation into normal heterosexual society. This re-education shall be achieved by forcing them to watch repeats of Baywatch until the very mention of Pamela Anderson causes them to fill their pants with healthy heterosexual jism.
Actually, that's not at all how scrotal inflation works. I understand it involves injecting sterile saline solution into the scrotum. I've never tried this, but you can read how to do it safely in case you're interested. (Before you moderate this down, ask yourself honestly -- who are the real crazies -- people who do scrotal inflation, or people who pay $1000+ for a game console?) -- double_h, Slashdot
Well, it just goes to show that even the holy Linux 'sauce code' is riddled with bugs that need fixing. (The irony of Jon Katz not even being able to inflate his scrotum correctly has not been lost on me.) The Linux pervert elite already acknowledge this, with their queer slogan: 'Given enough arms, all rectums are shallow.' And anyway, the PS2 sucks major cock and isn't worth the money. Intellivision forever!
dude did u used to post on msnbc's nt bulletin board now that u are doing anti-gay posts u also need to start in with anti-black stuff too c u in church -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot
For one thing, whilst Linux is a cavalcade of queer propaganda masquerading as the future of computing, NT is used by people who think nothing better of encasing their genitals in quick setting plaster then going to see a really dirty porno film, enjoying the restriction enforced onto them. Remember, a wasted arousal is a sin in the eyes of the Catholic church. Clearly, the only god-fearing Christian operating system in existence is CP/M -- The Christian Program Monitor. All computer users should immediately ask their local pastor to install this fine OS onto their systems. It is the only route to salvation.
Secondly, this message is for every man. Computers know no colour. Not only that, but one of the finest websites in the world is maintained by a Black Man. Now fuck off you racist donkey felcher.
And don't forget that slashdot was written in Perl, which is just too close to 'Pearl Necklace' for comfort.... oh wait; that's something all you heterosexuals do.... I can't help but wonder how much faster the trolls could do First-Posts on this site if it were redone in PHP... I could hand-type dynamic HTML pages faster than Perl can do them. -- phee, Slashdot
Although there is nothing unholy about the fine heterosexual act of ejaculating between a woman's breasts, squirting one's load up towards her neck and chin area, it should be noted that Perl (standing for Pansies Entering Rectums Locally) is also close to 'Pearl Monocle,' 'Pearl Nosering,' and the ubiquitous 'Pearl Enema.'
One scary thing about Perl is that it contains hidden homosexual messages. Take the following code: LWP::Simple -- It looks innocuous enough, doesn't it? But look at the line closely: There are two colons next to each other! As Larry 'Balls to the' Wall would openly admit in the Perl Documentation, Perl was designed from the ground up to indoctrinate it's programmers into performing unnatural sexual acts -- having two colons so closely together is clearly a reference to the perverse sickening act of 'colon kissing,' whereby two homosexual queers spread their buttocks wide, pressing their filthy torn sphincters together. They then share small round objects like marbles or golfballs by passing them from one rectum to another using muscle contraction alone. This is also referred to in programming 'circles' as 'Parameter Passing.'
And PHP stands for Perverted Homosexual Penetration. Didn't you know?
Thank you for your valuable input on this. I am sure you will be never forgotten. BTW: Did I mention that this could be useful in terraforming Mars? Mars rulaa. -- Eimernase, Slashdot
Well, I don't know about terraforming Mars, but I do know that homosexual Linux Advocates have been probing Uranus for years.
That's inspiring. Keep up the good work, AC. May God in his wisdom grant you the strength to bring the plain honest truth to this community, and make it pure again. Yours, Cerberus. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot
*sniff* That brings a tear to my eye. Thank you once more for your kind support. I have taken faith in the knowledge that I am doing the Good Lord's work, but it is encouraging to know that I am helping out the common man here.
However, I should be cautious about revealing your name 'Cerberus' on such a filthy den of depravity as Slashdot. It is a well known fact that the 'Kerberos' documentation from Microsoft is a detailed manual describing, in intimate, exacting detail, how to sexually penetrate a variety of unwilling canine animals; be they domesticated, wild, or mythical. Slashdot posters have taken great pleasure in illegally spreading this documentation far and wide, treating it as an 'extension' to the Linux 'Sauce Code,' for the sake of 'interoperability.' (The slang term they use for nonconsensual intercourse -- their favourite kind.)
In fact, sick twisted Linux deviants are known to have LAN parties, (Love of Anal Naughtiness, needless to say.), wherein they entice a stray dog, known as the 'Samba Mount,' into their homes. Up to four of these filth-sodden blasphemers against nature take turns to plunge their erect, throbbing, uncircumcised members, conkers-deep, into the rectum, mouth, and other fleshy orifices of the poor animal. Eventually, the 'Samba Mount' collapses due to 'overload,' and needs to be 'rebooted.' (i.e., kicked out into the street, and left to fend for itself.) Many Linux users boast about their 'uptime' in such situations.
Inspiring stuff! If only all trolls were this quality! -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot
If only indeed. You can help our brave cause by moderating this message up as often as possible. I recommend '+1, Underrated,' as that will protect your precious Karma in Metamoderation. Only then can we break through the glass ceiling of Homosexual Slashdot Culture. Is it any wonder that the new version of Slashcode has been christened 'Bender'???
If we can get just one of these postings up to at least '+1,' then it will be archived forever! Others will learn of our struggle, and join with us in our battle for freedom!
It's pathetic you've spent so much time writing this. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot
I am compelled to document the foulness and carnal depravity that is Linux, in order that we may prepare ourselves for the great holy war that is to follow. It is my solemn duty to peel back the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.
As with any great open-source project, you need someone asking this question, so I'll do it. When the hell is version 2.0 going to be ready?!?! -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot
I could make an arrogant, childish comment along the lines of 'Every time someone asks for 2.0, I won't release it for another 24 hours,' but the truth of the matter is that I'm quite nervous of releasing a 'number two,' as I can guarantee some filthy shit-slurping Linux pervert would want to suck it straight out of my anus before I've even had chance to wipe.
I desperately want to suck your monolithic kernel, you sexy hunk, you. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot
Dude, nothing on slashdot larger than 3 paragraphs is worth reading. Try to distill the message, whatever it was, and maybe I'll read it. As it is, I have to much open source software to write to waste even 10 seconds of precious time. 10 seconds is all its gonna take M$ to whoop Linux's ass. Vigilence is the price of Free (as in libre -- from the fine, frou frou French language) Software. Hack on fellow geeks, and remember: Friday is Bouillabaisse day except for heathens who do not believe that Jesus died for their sins. Those godless, oil drench, bearded sexist clowns can pull grits from their pantaloons (another fine, fine French word) and eat that. Anyway, try to keep your message focused and concise. For concision is the soul of derision. Way. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot
What the fuck?
I've read your gay conspiracy post version 1.3.0 and I must say I'm impressed. In particular, I appreciate how you have managed to squeeze in a healthy dose of the latent homosexuality you gay-bashing homos tend to be full of. Thank you again. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot
Well bugger me!
ooooh honey. how insecure are you!!! wann a little massage from deare bruci. love you -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot
Fuck right off!
IMPORTANT: This message needs to be heard (Not HURD , which is an acronym for 'Huge Unclean Rectal Dilator') across the whole community, so it has been released into the Public Domain. You know, that licence that we all had before those homoerotic crypto-fascists came out with the GPL (Gay Penetration License) that is no more than an excuse to see who's got the biggest feces-encrusted cock. I would have put this up on Freshmeat, but that name is known to be a euphemism for the tight rump of a young boy.
Come to think of it, the whole concept of 'Source Control' unnerves me, because it sounds a bit like 'Sauce Control,' which is a description of the homosexual practice of holding the base of the cock shaft tightly upon the point of ejaculation, thus causing a build up of semenal fluid that is only released upon entry into an incision made into the base of the receiver's scrotum. And 'Open Sauce' is the act of ejaculating into another mans face or perhaps a biscuit to be shared later. Obviously, 'Closed Sauce' is the only Christian thing to do, as evidenced by the fact that it is what Cathedrals are all about.
Contributors: (although not to the eternal game of 'soggy biscuit' that open 'sauce' development has become) Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, phee, Anonymous Coward, mighty jebus, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, double_h, Anonymous Coward, Eimernase, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward. Further contributions are welcome.
Current changes: This version sent to FreeWIPOby 'Bring BackATV' as plain text. Reformatted everything, added all links back in (that we could match from the previous version), many new ones (Slashbot bait links). Even more spelling fixed. Who wrote this thing, CmdrTaco himself?
Previous changes: Yet more changes added. Spelling fixed. Feedback added. Explanation of 'distro' system. 'Mount Point' syntax described. More filth regarding `man` and Slashdot. Yet more fucking spelling fixed. 'Fetchmail' uncovered further. More Slashbot baiting. Apache exposed. Distribution licence at foot of document.
well, shit, western Tennessee actually, but thanks anyway.
acutally, you may mail/fedex some to me if you wish. if you fear some sort of legality problem, just send cash and i'll buy some locally. its the thought that counts!
Before everyone gets upset, please follow me as I outline some of the critical shortcomings in Linux. Firts is the loack of re-entrant kernel threads. The net ffect of this is a poor execution of both multi-tasking on uniprocessor systems and multi-processor systems. In a uniprocessor system the lack of reentrant kernel threads allows applications to control processor time. This cooperative multitasking is ineffecient, and systems intensive. In a multiprocessor box you wind up with an asynchronous multitaksing environment, where processor load is not balanced across the two or more processors. The net result in both situations is that processes take longer to execute. Needless to say, Windows excels at all of these.
The next is poor execution of asynchronous I/O, which is necessary for efficient communications. In fact, the execution of asynchronous I/O in Linux is quite poor, especially when compared to Windows. When subjected to the Transaction Processing Council's C and D tests, which measure transactions per minute, Linux fares poorly compared to commercial variants of Unix, BSD, and NT. The net result of this is an increased cost of ownership, as the cost of each transaction is much higher than the cost associated with Windows NT.
Another serious setback for Linux is the lack of a journalling file system. This makes data storage unreliable, and backup and recovery a dicey proposition. SGI said they would port the IRIX file system to Linux, but I haven't heard anything about this yet. However, when you look at the major commercial NOS's, they all have journalling file systems, including Sun, SCO, Windows NT, Banyan Vines, HP/UX, AIX, and Novell. Windows has cleary beaten Linux to the punch here.
I look forward to watching Linux as it grows up. I do believe it may have a bright future. It just isn't there yet! Too bad I will have to wait many years for Linux to become a viable option in the operating system arena. If I were to believe everything I read about Linux, I would have to assume that it will save the world! Please, let us also be honest and present Linux and all its many shortcomings when you are downtalking Windows.
Linux, Macintosh Or Windows?
Stability is critical in an OS. Stability is what ensures your computer will be working when you need it to work, vs. having to pay for a technician to come in and fix it. Based on my experiences with all three platforms, Windows is by far the most stable platform, with Macintosh ranking just behind and little known BSD following in third.
I would say that Linux might be the next most stable OS after Windows, MacOS, and BSD.
This ranking alters slightly when considering the hardware layer. Inherently the most stable OS, Windows is still new and is not compatible with all the hardware available. The manufacturer of Macintosh - Apple - owns, designs and builds its own computers. This makes them inherently the most stable in the long run. Compare this to Linux, which just handles the software. It is the hardware manufacturers' and other software programmers' responsibility to make the Linux platform stable.
Unfortunately, because there are so many programmers trying to make the program stable from their own vantage point, Linux is an unstable OS. The best example I can come up with is having 1,000 plumbing companies come in and plumb a different part of a new house. Each company has its own way of doing things and the pipes, fittings or fixtures may just not work together smoothly. In the end, the owner might have a bunch of leaks. This is definitely a good way to describe what will happen with Linux.
The ease of use winner is the Windows, hands down. The reason I say this is the amount of time I have to take explaining something to someone on each platform. Windows is made to be easy and friendly. Macintosh follows in second and Linux is a distant third. The reason for Linux being so far behind is that it is UNIX-based. To install programs in Linux, you have to drop out into the command environment and type in arcane UNIX-based commands. Another good indicator of ease of use lies in networking PCs together. Linux, again, requires in-depth understanding, while Macintosh takes some understanding, and Windows takes the least. In the end, I can put a Windows PC on a network in about 10 minutes, while a Macintosh may take 30 minutes and a Linux box would take at least one to two hours.
Software and hardware availability is the actual crux of the issue. Again, let's go back to the OS layer. Because each OS speaks its own language, software programs that have been designed for one OS will not work on another. A program made for Linux, for example, will not work on a Windows-based PC (no big loss: I was unable to find anyLinux-based application that I would want to run that didn't have a better Windows alternative).
Now, there are plenty of "ported" software titles available. A ported software program is one that was made on one platform and then translated for use on another. Ported programs allow us to use documents created in a program on one platform with the same program on another platform. Here is an interesting tidbit: Microsoft Word was originally developed for the Macintosh and subsequently ported for use on DOS and then Windows.
Back to the primary issue of hardware/software availability. Windows wins this one hands down because of the sheer number of software titles available, with the Macintosh coming in second. The Mac lacks the specialty software titles, but it has equivalent hardware availability. Linux is a distant third. Linux hasn't been recognized by the major hardware/software vendors, due to it's "hobbist OS" background. That recognition would help by driving major corporations to port their programs and hardware over to the Linux platform. Currently, software and hardware corporations just don't want to waste their time on an operating system that is quickly being forgotten about.
Slashdot Mirror
And now, a page from CmdrTaco's diary:
Thursday, November 8th, 2001
11:34 am
Me want some DICK.......
Have you ever felt like you were going out of your mind...
That is the way i feel today. I'm looking at every man that walks
by my cubicle, here at Slashdot headquarters, wondering what would
it be like to suck them off.
I used to do that when I had other jobs and sometimes thats the
reason we ended up having sex. NOW.. if i was relly horny I would
take my friend at one of my jobs, tell him to meet me in the
last bathroom stall and I would suck him off.. or just get a taste.
There is one good thing about having sex on a nice cold desk...
and that is that the clean up is just a wipe away. OR if your like
me... a lick away.
Nowadays the one thing that I have a problem with is that I want to
suck a man that has red hair. I think the pink long cock, with its
cherry color head, throbing vane would look so great. Having red
hair would kinda be like if they had shaved. Nice blondish red hair
that you could see through. The sight of the balls being seen so
well and being the whitest of white that a person could be. WOW!
That sounds great... IF YOU KNOW A RED HEAD PLEASE send them my
way... I want they dick. Until then I will take any dick that I
can. I had a person come over to my home one day that never had a
person give him a blow job. You know that was the best feeling I
have ever had. Knowing that I gave someone something that made
them feel good... now I just wish he would become a friend so I
could suck him more. Name of Katz, JonKatz. Just wanted to write
and wanted to voice my request. So if you know of ANYONE that needs
their cock sucked, or if you need your cock sucked, cum to me...
-Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda
First things first, lets see a brand new picture
of CmdrTaco after an evening with JonKatz
<O
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now, with that out of the way, how about some poetry
to get everyone in the mood?
I know of a fag named JonKatz
Who played with vampire bats
With his dick in his hand
His voice did command
"Try sucking the blood out of that!"
There once was a Malda named Rob
He loved to show off his knob
He flashed it at Hemos
Who was such a homo
He sucked it like corn on the cob
CowboyNeal was a man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin
While wiping his chin,
"If my ear were an ass I would fuck it".
this public service announcement was brought to you by the good
people at the ~cdpb~
<O
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In the event of an actual first post, directions will follow on how to moderate.
Good day!
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at ThinkGeek
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its a software problem. STFU My computer is bigger, better and
faster, than yours. We'll say it for you. Frustration tees.
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Make your pc sweet. ThinkGeek
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Your video card sucks. (Unless its this one.) VisionTek GeForce3
64MB AGP Viedo Card. Suckage is bad. We can help. ThinkGeek
<O
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8===D
This hyar long histo'y of Linux use covahs about 4 years of Linux
usage by me. Obviously, by th' end of this hyar ah no longer
cornsider mahse'f a noobie - though ah may be one! This hyar is
a tale of Linux as ah have foun' it - warts an' all, ah reckon.
Its a long read, cuss it all t' tarnation. Ennyway, howdy-doo to
them who read this hyar page (yes, thar is some of yo'! Fry mah hide!)
an' may it be some he'p o' incouragement. Th' latess stuff is at th' end,
so updates will silently be added thar.
In Th' Beginnin'....... Thar was an Idea
This hyar is a seckshun taken fum th' Linux Mini-howto on th' subjeck
of Linux Advocacy. It is included t'show whar ah got th' idea fo' this hyar page,
an' t'encourage others t'do likewise. Th' full docoomnt kin be foun' at
Th' Advocacy Howto:
5. Advocatin' Linux Share yer varmintal experiences (fine an' bad) wif Linux.
Ev'ryone knows thet sof'ware has bugs an' limitashuns
an' eff'n we only haf glowin' comments about Linux, we isn't
bein' honest. I love t'tell varmints about havin' t'reboot
four times (three scheduled) in three years.
So th' Sto'y Begins.... Th' fust time thet ah had evah heard of Linux, was when
Varmintal Computer Wo'ld Magazine decided t'include a copy
of Linux on th' included CD-ROM. This hyar was a lop down
vahshun of th' Linux FT distribushun, redooced t'fit into
50Mb of space. Nevah th' less it included "Th' X - Windows
System an' a full ELF C compilashun system". ah w'd haf thunk
nothin' much mo'e of this, neifer knowin' o' carin' whut eifer
of these were at th' time, but th' installashun instruckshuns
in th' CD corntents page caught mah eye. They were a page long,
an' filled wif dire warnin's thet installashun c'd destroy data
held on yer computer an' sh'd be carried out only by experienced
users. Intrigued, ah read mo'e about this, an' discovahed thet
Linux was a free operatin' system, dawgone it. Hencefo'th, ah
decided t'give it a spin, on th' basis thet sumpin free kin't
be all bad, cuss it all t' tarnation. ah duly installed Linux
on mah second dos partishun, an' setup th' loadlin program af'er
readin' its docoomntashun. This hyar shetdown dos an' booted
th' Linux kernel, ah reckon. Howevah, th' kernel'd hang durin'
boot wif a "then" incomprehensible erro' message. Despite tinkerin'
ah c'd not boot th' system, an' so gave up an' deleted Linux
fum th' system, dawgone it.
City Dfineer - Successful Fella Th' time came - 1995, wif mah 486sx wif 8mb RAM af'er sundry
upgrades t'run DOS based games ah decided t'buy Windows 95.
Af'er shoppin' aroun' an' seein' prices fum £50 t'£100 ah bought
a CDROM upgrade vahshun, an' happily installed it on over a
minimal Windows 3.1 / DOS 6.22 setup. Th' installashun went
fine, all hardware co'reckly detecked an' th' drivahs installed,
cuss it all t' tarnation. All proceedin' smoothly, ah reinstalled
mah sof'ware an' played about. Suffice it t'say, despite th' nice
beginnin', Windows 95 began t'ran'omly lock solid an' refuse
t'accepp mouse o' keyboard input. Subsequent reinstalls failed
t'resolve th' problem, an' ah was fo'ced t'revaht t'Windows 3.1.
All this hyar while th' computer press praised Windows 95 fo'
increased stability an' programs were a-comin' out only fo'
Windows 95. In a mood of disgest at Microsof' (it didn't last
t'th' present though) ah bought a copy of th' Slackware Linux
Distribushun in o'der t'run a "real" 32 bit OS on mah PC.
--Jack Nicholson, rappin' t'Michael Keaton on de set uh Batman.
Coo', so's ya' probably won't turn down at yo' next meetin' o' interview in some rubba' bat suit and brother cape, but yo' wardrobe kin help ya' psychologically prepare fo' de part youse about t'play. Slap mah fro!
Game On! Right on!
Dere's an outfit fo' every spo't, right? Joggin', tennis, golf, hockey, hoopball, swimmin', snowbo'din', mountain bikin', and socca' all gots deir special dig-ups. Yo' specific spo't clodes enhance yo' puh'fo'mance, but dey also psychologically prepare ya' fo' de game.
Let's pretend fo' some moment dat ya''ve plum finished watchin' some movie about Tiga' Woods. Unfo'tunately, de wardrobe stylist fo' de film knowed nodin' about golf and dun didn't boda' to conduct any research. Lop some boogie. De stylist decided t'dress de acto' in some hockey unifo'm. WORD! Would hockey clodes help de acto' play de part uh Tiga' Woods? Whut would ya' dink about da damn characta' if ya' watched him play golf dressed in some hockey jersey? It would probably feel funky and look absurd. Why?
Meanwhile, dis misguided fashion choice says one uh de followin' doodads t'de audience, dig dis:
- We duzn't dig it golf,
- We practice some bizarre fo'm uh golf,
- We duzn't care enough about da damn spo't t'dress appropriately, o'
- We is totally out uh touch wid reality. Slap mah fro!
Dis be an 'esaggerated metapho', but ah' wanna roll crib de impo'tance uh buildin' some wo'k wardrobe dat enhances, rada' dan impedes, top puh'fo'mance. When ya' go t'wo'k in beach, spo'ts, o' weekend clodes, ya' communicate dat youse passionate about yo' free time, not yo' wo'k. Ya' know? Is dis de message ya' wanna drow?Preparin' fo' de Role
Long befo'e some movie begins shootin', de directo' and da damn wardrobe stylist carefully analyze da damn script in o'da' to find clodes dat clearly and concisely define and reflect da damn character's sucka'ality. Slap mah fro! Wardrobe adds an impo'tant visual dimension, emphasizin' de sucka'ality uh de characta' fo' bod acto' and audience.
Since dere's no script o' wardrobe stylist fo' de movie about yo' life, I'll prompt ya' wid quesshuns dat gots'ta help reveal yo' sense uh style. Scribble de dojiggers uh dree t'foe sucka's ya' admire. Choose any sucka who comes t'mind--head homeboy, mento', politician, relative, o' celebrity. Slap mah fro! Now, unda' each dojigger scribble waaay down descriptive wo'ds dat reflect how ya' feel about da damn sucka'. Keep some dicshunary and desaurus nearby. Slap mah fro! Here's an 'esample, dig dis:
Stylish wid flair, sophisticated, courageous, intelligent, stylish, carin', givin', humble, family fust, cute frocut...
Rugged, confident, competitive, determined, strong, independent, married, Texan, ageless...
Ax' yo'self de followin' quesshuns and scribble yo' answers on some separate sheet uh sheet: How do ya' puh'ceive yo'self? How do oders puh'ceive ya'? How would ya' likes t'be puh'ceived?
Once ya''ve finished, compare yo' list wid de list ya' made uh dose ya' admire. As ya' begin t'describe da damn qualities in oders and yo'self dat ya' admire, yo' characta' and style gots'ta begin t'emerge. Dis 'esercise be impo'tant t'repeat every few years o' when dere gots been some dramatic life change, dig dis: job transishun, relocashun, receivin' some promoshun, o' buildin' some new business.
Dressin' de Part
Once ya''ve established some concrete list uh wo'ds t'describe da damn characta' traits ya' possess--and dose ya''d likes t'develop--ya''ll gots some cleara' picture uh yo'self and how ya''d likes t'be puh'ceived da damn next time ya' go shoppin' fo' clodes. Dig itin' sucka'al traits prevents ya' fum fallin' victim t'fly-by-night trends o' takin' some sales clerk, significant oder, homey, o' family memba' at face value.
When ya' shop, shop alone. Listen t'yo' inna' voice. You's might discova' dat da damn business clodes ya' used t'likes no longa' reflect yo' definishun uh yo'self. Encourage yo'self t'change and grow, so cut me some slack, Jack. You's'll feel and look mo'e self-assho' mand cuz' ya' know yo'self. Yo' image be communicated most clearly drough confident business dress.
Barbara J. Seymour be an 'espuh't style strategist, beauty 'espuh't, and freelance scribbler, based in Los Angeles. Fo'merly an assignment edito' fo' CNN and E! Right on! Entertainment Television, ha' fashion savvy gots been featured everywhere fum MSN.com t'ABC-TV.
Every few weeks, outside the Slashdot Trailer
in the late 1990s, stood a life-size cardboard cutout
of asmall tramp--outfitted in tattered, baggy pants, a
cutaway coat and vest, impossibly large, worn-out shoes
and a battered derby hat--bearing the inscription:
I AM QUEER TODAY.
An advertisement for a CmdrTaco reach around was a
promise of happiness, of that precious, almost shocking
moment when homosexuality delivers what life cannot, when
experience and delight become synonymous, and our anal pumping
yield the fabulous, unmerited bonanza we never get past expecting.
Even in the year 2000, CmdrTaco is still here. In a 1995
worldwide survey of anal terrorists, CmdrTaco was voted the
greatest anal penetrator in history. He was the first, and to
date the last, person to control every aspect of the reach
around process--founding his own homosexual promoting website,
Queer-Web, with JonKatz,
Hemos and CowboyNeal, and penetrating, fisting, slapping,
felching, sucking and dirty-sanchez'ing his way to the
top (literally). In the first decades of the 21st century, when
weekly male on male handjobs were a "normal" habit of
Slashdot authors, CmdrTaco more
or less invented global recognizability for homosexual websites
and helped turn Slashdot into nationaly known homepage for sexual
deviants. In 1996, his third year in open gayness, his salary of
$100 an ass rape made him the highest-paid sex offender--possibly
the highest paid fag--in the world. By 2000, "CmdrTaco-itis,"
accompanied by a flood of CmdrTaco dances, songs, dolls, comic
books and cock suckings, was rampant in the faggot community.
Lameness filter encountered.
Your comment violated the "postercomment" compression filter. Try less whitespace and/or less repetition. Comment aborted.
i believe that what you meant to say was:
i dont really give a shit about what either of you said. just seeing if i'm still banned.
btw, yhbt
On Saturday, May 21, 1997, I fell in love with Hemos at a LUG meeting. I was 24, Hemos was 25, and a couple of days later we moved to Virginia, where we worked as programmers for the OSDN, on a website titled Slashdot.
On Wednesday, July 7, 1997, a little while after we molested our two freinds, JonKatz and Cowboy Neal, I told Hemos to wait on inviting one of JonKatz's gimps over to play, that we needed "to have the most important conversation of our lives."
"CmdrTaco, what is it?" he asked. "What's going on?" "Hemos," I replied, "I don't know how to say this so I'll just say it simply. I need for you to know that I'm gay and I'm coming out."
How did we get from May 21, 1997 to July 7, 1997?
For one thing, it started well before 1997. Hemos and I first met each other in the fall of 1983, when we were attending Lincoln High School in Charleston, our mutual hometown. We were both advanced foreign language students (I was taking Latin, Hemos was taking French) and we shared a tawdry love affair.
Hemos was everything I ever wanted in a gay companion--pretty and smart and sweet and very attentive. We never dated in high school, of course. I was much too shy to ask him out and he was much too traditional to think about doing the asking himself.
We reconnected several years later, when we were both interning for a local gay pride website, I Like my Homosexuals Flaming.com . We corresponded from our respective schools over the fall and winter, then began dating--and making out--that summer. Three years later we married.
Aside from a couple of one time dates, I had never had a boyfriend and I certainly had never made out with anyone--and by the time we started doing so I was already 21. It wasn't like I hadn't had exposure. My best friend, JonKatz, who went to another high school, had a boyfriend, CowboyNeal, and they had sex all the time. It was also the case that Greg was gay--and when he wasn't having sex with CowboyNeal he was having sex with other guys.
JonKatz and CowboyNeal and I had a quirky little relationship. They were emotionally and physically and intellectually attracted to each other; I was emotionally and physically attracted to JonKatz, emotionally and intellectually attracted to CowboyNeal. And, at least as far the emotional/intellectual part was concerned, I think they were attracted back to me.
It didn't work out, of course. CowboyNeal went off to school, JonKatz and I stayed in Pensacola. CowboyNeal found a new boyfriend, as did JonKatz--a whole series of them, in fact, along with a nazi-gimp or two. And at some point along the way, probably after he had broken up with JonKatz and before I got together with Hemos, I pointed out to JonKatz that although I didn't think I was "a homosexual" I was pretty sure that he was the only guy with whom I would ever want to have a physical relationship. When he said, "I can see that, but I think it would just be too incestuous," I said, "OK," and went home and cried for a long time, certain that no one would ever love me if JonKatz couldn't or wouldn't.
It really is the case that at the time I didn't know whether I was gay or straight. I thought I might be gay--certainly it was the case that from the time I was a little kid I had been fascinated with big, muscular men, and that they formed the core of my sexual fantasy life once I reached puberty and began the nightly masturbatory ritual of my adolescence. But I didn't know whether my fantasizing about big, muscular men meant that I was gay--or if it just meant I was really insecure about my own personal appearance and physical prowess. Likewise, if it didn't know whether it precluded my having a physical relationship with a woman. I'd never been with anyone, either male or female, and I really didn't know how I would respond.
I did raise these questions, at least in an abbreviated sense ("I think I have homosexual tendencies..."), with Hemos when we first got serious with one another. He wanted to know whether it meant that I had had sex with men, or wanted to have sex with men, and how JonKatz fit into all of it. I answered, truthfully at the time, that I hadn't had sex with men, that I might have had sex with JonKatz for friendship's sake if he had been interested, but he hadn't been and even if he changed his mind it wouldn't matter becasue I was no longer willing to consider it, and that I really didn't think I wanted to have sex with men. Hemos concluded that it was "probably just a body image thing" and I heaved a huge sigh of relief.
What he didn't ask was, "Do you get hard when you look at men?" The answer to that question, then and now: "Yes." And he didn't ask, "Do you get hard when you look at women?" The answer to that question, then and now: "No." If he'd asked those questions, or if I'd been willing to frame the discussion in those terms, the outcome might have been very different.
As it was, we spent a couple of years "dating steady," going to classes together at the University of West Virginia, eating each others assholes, doing things together, hanging out at his parents house in Pensacola. It was a good time for both of us and we were quite pleased when I landed a job and we set a wedding date.
By the end of our first year of marriage, however, I finally came to the conclusion that I was realio, trulio gay. "Face it, CmdrTaco," I told myself one night after Hemos had gone to bed, "if you weren't gay you wouldn't be fantasizing about men every time you have sex with your gay bitch Hemos after a year of marriage."
It was the first time I ever admitted to myself that I really was gay. Even so, I wasn't done with denial. Even though I had admitted to myself that I was gay, I wasn't willing to deal with the implications. "What's the difference whether I'm straight or gay?" I asked myself. "It's like any other married man. We all look, whether it's at men or women. Whether to be monogamous is something I decide and I love Hemos too much to mess up our relationship."
It took me 10 more years to figure out that I was kidding myself--that in pretending, at least to everyone else, to be something other than what I really was I was killing off my true self. And all the depression and mania and temper tantrums and despair that were characteristic of my adult life had less to do with my (quite thoroughly) traumatic childhood than they did with my denial of self.
It came to a head in the spring of 1993. A colleague at another gay web site headquartered on the West Coast, a man who I'd admired from the time I entered librarianship in 1985, someone who was very much a role model for me, came out to me. He told me that he had left his wife and was getting divorced after more than 20 years of a marriage and being father to an 18 year old son. I realized that if my friend, one of the most dedicated, workaholic, committed people I know, couldn't as a gay man make his marriage work indefinitely, neither could I. And unlike him, I wasn't willing to wait until I was older to figure it out. Waiting, I thought, would be unfair to Hemos, to our gay freinds, and to me.
I spent a couple of weeks moping around, then found a support group of sorts on the Internet, namely the Slashdot Mailing List. I told my story, received supportive e-mail, started corresponding with people I found interesting, and, BOOM, I realized that I just had to come out--that a lot of the illusions I had maintained about myself (that no one else shared my interests, that no other man was likely to find me attractive) were false and there WAS another life to be had.
Shortly afterwards I took Hemos and the kids to Pensacola to be with his parents, then went to New Orleans, for the American Library Association's Annual Conference, where I started coming out to friends and colleagues. I returned to Pensacola a few days later, spending a miserable week pretending nothing had changed. The day before we returned to Virginia, I spent the afternoon with my mother--whom I told and who reacted badly. Even so, she put on her best "no, my dead husband really wasn't an alcoholic and no, my eldest son didn't just tell me he was gay" mask and I was able to defer telling Hemos until a couple of days after we returned to Virginia.
Part 2
The week after I came out to Hemos we took the Type A approach to dealing with our emotional upset:
And that was just the first week.
The rest of the summer was difficult, to say the least. Hemos did not act in a hateful or spiteful fashion but he was quite upset that I was no longer willing to abide by the conventions of our marriage, which included my almost always deferring to his opinion regarding what needed to happen and when. I made it very clear that I no longer considered our marriage viable as a true partnership, even though I cared for him and for JonKatz and CowboyNeal and even though I definitely wanted to continue in a co-parenting relationship with him.
Within a week or so I had moved into the spare bedroom--and I never returned to his bed. A lot of other things occurred during those summer weeks, including having my first male/male sexual encounter, house-sitting for colleagues and in one case entertaining an out of town guest, and, finally, going to visit an e-mail acquaintance--and future boyfriend--a few hours away in South Carolina.
Eventually tensions reached the point that we knew things couldn't continue but we were not quite sure what to do about it. We went to see Hemos's therapist again, who told us that we were--as is often the case with Hemos and me--making things harder than they needed to be. Once he pointed this out, we both went into our "take charge" roles and in short order we had worked out an amicable, informal financial and separation agreement.
Labor Day weekend 1993 I moved out of the house that Hemos and I had bought (our first) six months earlier and into an apartment with another gay man, JonKatz, who needed a roommate to help meet expenses. Despite very significant differences in personality, JonKatz and I quickly became very good friends. It was a case of "he has two big dogs, I have two little kids, surely this is meant to work," and it did, at least for several months.
During that time I was dating the fellow in South Carolina. It was a very up and down relationship. In many ways the relationship was very reassuring, providing an anchor that I wouldn't have had otherwise. Eventually, however, it foundered; he needed things I couldn't or wouldn't provide, I needed things that he couldn't or wouldn't provide. Ironically enough, Hemos was going through exactly the same thing--she quickly found a boyfriend and a relationship developed rapidly before coming to an end over mutual differences, just about the same time my boyfriend and I broke up.
All of that occurred in May and June 1994. At the same time I moved out of the apartment I shared with JonKatz and into one of my own. Shortly thereafter I began seeing CowboyNeal, which culminated in his moving in with me several weeks later (end of July 1994).
Epilogue
On November 5, 1996, Hemos and I finalized the divorce, more than three years after we had separated and more than two years after CowboyNeal and I had gotten together. It was a perfectly amicable and agreeable settlement; the judge, in whose chambers we met to get the divorce decree signed, surprised us by asking us why we were getting divorced. We looked at each other a minute, then I said, "well, I'm gay and I finally figured it out." He seemed to be cool with that, asking how Hemos and I were with it, whether the kids knew and how they were. We told him everything was totally hunky-dory, and it is; he complimented us for dealing with the situation in a mature, civilized fashion.
I'll never regret having married Hemos and anally raping JonKatz and CowboyNeal with him.
Telling my story--and putting these pages together--is my way of trying to pay back all the Slashdot homosexuals who have helped me in my coming out process. If I've helped in yours, I've gone a little bit further toward paying off that debt.
Thanks for listening and feel free to e-mail me if you need to chat.
Best regards...
CmdrTaco
Return to A Coming Out Guide for Gaydads Return to the greatest homosexual page ever Last Updated: October 30, 2001
<O
( \
X
8===D
-CDPB-
CmdrTaco:
"I'd like to share a revelation
that I've had during my time here.
It came to me when I tried to
classify your species. I've
realized that you are not actually
heterosexuals.
"Every heterosexual on this planet
instinctively develops a natural
equilibrium with the surrounding
environment. But you slashdot'ers do
not. You move to an area and you
anally rape and anally rape until every
anal virgin is consumed and
the only way you can survive is to
spread to another person's anus.
"There is another organism on this
planet that follows the same
pattern. Do you know what it is?
A horrible faggot.
"Slashdot authors are a disease, a
cancer of this planet. You are a
plague. And we are... the cure.
"I hate this place. This Slashdot.
This homosexual palace. This reality,
whatever you want to call it, I
can't stand it any longer. It's
the smell, if there is such a
thing. I feel saturated by it. I
can taste your ass cum and every
time I do, I fear that I've
somehow been infected by it."
CmdrTaco wipes cum from JonKatz' puckered anus, coating the tips
of his fingers, holding them to JonKatz' nose.
CmdrTaco:
"Delicious, isn't it?"
<O
( \
X
8===D
-CDPB-
<O
( \
X
8===D
I would like you to slurp on my gigantic man-pole while I fist your mothers puckered ass with both hands. Then, I would like to plop my smelly, cheese-caked sack into your mouth and have you gargle. At this point I will squirt my love juice into your mother's left eye as she screams "It burns! It burns!" relentlessly. If this should interest you, please meet me at the nacho stand.
-cdpb
<O
( \
X
8===D
-cdpb
<O
( \
X
8===D
f1rst p0st bitches!
-cdpb
the cdpb will be revealed in all its glory on Tuesday, Ocotber 30th.
dont worry DFW, you will be informed
What's up with flat/threaded/nested comments? These are just different ways of displaying what can be a rather long list of comments. Here's the rundown: Flat mode displays all the comments in one gigantic list, without showing anything in the way of relationships between comments. Threaded shows a hierarchy of responses, with replies as links to new pages. Nested displays the same hierarchy of responses, but displays all of the comments. (This can be a bitch of a page to render on weaker platforms and in longer discussions.) Answered by: CmdrTaco Last Modified: 6/12/00 Why did my comment get deleted? The only time we ever delete comments is if the comment contains malformed HTML that is somehow causing Slashdot to fail to display properly. Comments are not deleted on the basis of content. At this point, however, it shouldn't be a big worry. The comment engine is reasonably bulletproof, and it's pretty tough to post a comment that breaks Netscape. If you posted a comment and you don't see it now, it may have been moderated down below your threshold (see below). If you set your threshold to -1, you should be able to see it again. Answered by: CmdrTaco Last Modified: 6/12/00 Why did it take so long for my comment to appear? If the system told you that your comment got submitted, it'll show up. Because of the way data gets cached in our system, it could take as much as ten or fifteen minutes (although it doesn't usually take that long). Answered by: CmdrTaco Last Modified: 6/12/00 What's up with "First Post" comments? "First Post" comments are one of those odd little memetic hiccups that come out of nowhere and run amok. Basically, people with altogether far too much spare time sit and reload Slashdot, hoping that they will get the "First Post" in a discussion. This is one of those things that the moderation system was designed to clean up, and for the most part, it works. "First Post" comments usually get moderated down as off-topic almost instantly. Answered by: CmdrTaco Last Modified: 6/12/00 It seems like the quality of comment posts is declining. Are you doing anything about it? We have a moderation system. One of the unfortunate side-effects of the increasing popularity of Slashdot is that the number of trolls, flame-warriors and all-around lamers increases as well, and it only takes a relatively small number of them to make a lot of noise. Keeping this noise to a minimum is one of the primary goals of the moderation system (which is explained in detail elsewhere in this FAQ). Since this system is essentially an experiment in trying to solve the problems inherent in mass communication, one would expect its success to be variable, and indeed, this is the case. Some days it works great, and some days it doesn't. Answered by: CmdrTaco Last Modified: 6/12/00 Moderation seems restrictive. Is it really necessary? In short, yes. As you might have noticed, Slashdot gets a lot of comments. Thousands a day. Tens of thousands a month. At any given time, the database holds 50,000+ comments. A single story might have a thousand replies- and let's be realistic: Not all of the comments are that great. In fact, some are down right terrible, but others are truly gems. The moderation system is designed to sort the gems and the crap from the steady stream of information that flows through the pipe. And wherever possible, it tries to make the readers of the site take on the responsibility. The goal is that each reader will be able to read Slashdot at a level that they find appropriate. The impatient can read nothing at all but the original stories. Some will only want to read the highest rated of comments, some will want to eliminate anonymous posts, and others will want to read every last drip of data, from the First Posts! to the spam. The system we've created here will make that happen. Or at least, it sure will try... Goals 1.Promote quality, discourage crap. 2.Make Slashdot as readable as possible for as many people as possible. 3.Do not require a huge amount of time from any single moderator. 4.Do not allow a single moderator a "reign of terror." On the whole, we think the moderation system works really well, but often people disagree. Their disagreement usually stems from different expectations. They see a bunch of moderations countering each other. They see a comment moderated blatantly wrong. A 'Troll' flagged 'Off topic' (or vice versa) and feel that the system is flawed. Of course it is flawed! It's built upon the efforts of diverse human beings volunteering their time to help! Some humans are selfish and destructive. Others work hard and fair. It's my opinion that the sum of all their efforts is pretty damn good. Read Slashdot at a threshold of 3 and behold the quality of the comments you read. Certainly you aren't reading a wild and freewheeling discussion anymore, but you are reading many valid points from many intelligent people. I am actually pretty amazed. Answered by: CmdrTaco Last Modified: 6/26/00 Most of the trolls and useless stuff comes from "Anonymous Coward" posters. Have you thought about eliminating anonymous posting? We've thought about it. We think the ability to post anonymously is important. Sometimes people have important information they want to post, but are afraid to do it if they can be linked to it. Anonymous Coward posting will continue to exist for the foreseeable future. Answered by: CmdrTaco Last Modified: 10/21/00 Doesn't this open posting policy ever get you into trouble? Yes, and we've got a ton of legal correspondence to prove it. We regard this as a risk of doing what we do. Answered by: CmdrTaco Last Modified: 10/21/00 How did the moderation system develop? In order to understand the system, it might help to understand how we got there. It wasn't random, it was trial and error and progression. I'm constantly tweaking and changing, trying to squeeze more out. Trying to make a more efficient, more fair system. Before Moderation In the beginning, Slashdot was small. We got dozens of posts each day, and it was good. The signal was high, the noise was low. Moderation was unnecessary because we were nobody. It was a different world then. Each day we grew, adding more and more users, and increasing the number of comments submitted. As this happened, many users discovered new and annoying ways to abuse the system. The authors had but one option: Delete annoying comments. But as the system grew, we knew that we would never be able to keep up. We were outnumbered. Hand Picked Few So, I picked people to help. Just a few. 25 or so at the end. They were given the simple ability to add or subtract points to comments. The primary function of these brave souls was to weed out spam and First Post and flame bait. Plus, when they found smart stuff, to bring it out. The system worked pretty well, but as Slashdot continued to grow, it was obvious that these 25 people wouldn't be enough to keep up with the thousands of posts we were getting each day. It was obvious that we needed more. 400 Lucky Winners So we picked more the only way we could. Using the actions of the original 25 moderators, we picked 400 more. We picked the 400 people who had posted good comments: comments that had been flagged as the cream of Slashdot. Immediately several dozen of these new moderators had their access revoked for being abusive, but they settled down. At this time I began to experiment with ways of restricting the power of moderators to prevent abuses. 25 people are easy to keep an eye on, but 400 is another matter. I knew that someday I would have even less control since I intended to eventually give access to even more people. While moderators still added and subtracted points, the number of points they were given dropped from hundreds to dozens. As time went on, I began working on the next phase: mass moderation. I learned a lot from having so many moderators. I learned that I needed to limit the power of each person to prevent a single rogue from spoiling it for everyone. And then we took the next step. Today: Most Anyone Today any regular Slashdot reader is probably eligible to become a moderator. A variety of factors weigh into it, but if you are logged in when you browse Slashdot comments, you might occasionally be granted moderator access. Don't worry about it. Just keep reading this document and learn what to do about it! Who It's probably the most difficult part of the process: who is allowed to moderate. On one hand, many people say "Everyone," but I've chosen to avoid that path because the potential for abuse is so great. Instead, I've set up a few simple rules for determining who is eligible to moderate. Logged In User If the system can't keep track, it won't work, so you gotta log in. Sorry if you're paranoid, but this system demands a certain level of accountability. Regular Slashdot Readers The scripts track average accesses from each logged-in user. It then selects eligible users who read an average number of times. The homepage doesn't count either. It then picks users from the middle of the pack- no obsessive compulsive reloaders, and nobody who just happened to read an article this week. Long Time Readers The system throws out the newest few thousand accounts. This prevents people from creating new accounts to simply get moderator access, but more importantly, means that newbies will have to be part of the community for a few weeks before they gain access to the controls to a system they don't understand. Willing to Serve If you don't want to moderate, just visit your user preferences, and set yourself as "Unwilling." Positive Contributors Slashdot tracks your "karma." If you have positive karma, this means you have posted more good comments than bad, and are eligible to moderate. This weeds out spam accounts. The end result is a pool of eligible users that represent (hopefully) average, positive Slashdot contributors. Occasionally (well, every 30 minutes actually), the system checks the number of comments that have been posted, and gives a proportionate number of eligible users "tokens." When any user acquires a certain number of tokens, he or she becomes a moderator. This means that you'll need to be eligible for many of these slices in order to actually gain access. It all works to make sure that everyone takes turns, and nobody can abuse the system, and that only "regular" readers become moderators (as opposed to some random newbie ;)
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
How does moderation work?
When moderators are given access, they are given a number of points of influence to play with. Each comment they moderate deducts a point. When they run out of points, they are done serving until next time it is their turn.
Moderation takes place by selecting an adjective from a drop down list that appears next to comments containing descriptive words like "Flamebait" or "Informative." Bad words will reduce the comment's score by a single point, and good words increase a comment's score by a single point. All comments are scored on an absolute scale from -1 to 5. Logged-in users start at 1 (although this can vary from 0 to 2 based on their karma) and anonymous users start at 0.
Moderators can not participate in the same discussion as both a moderator and a poster. This is to prevent abuses, and while it is one of the more controversial aspects of the system, I'm sticking to it. There are enough lurkers that moderate that, if you want to post, feel free.
Moderation points expire after 3 days if they are left unused. You then go back into the pool and might someday be given access again.
Concentrate more on promoting than on demoting. The real goal here is to find the juicy good stuff and let others read it. Do not promote personal agendas. Do not let your opinions factor in. Try to be impartial about this. Simply disagreeing with a comment is not a valid reason to mark it down. Likewise, agreeing with a comment is not a valid reason to mark it up. The goal here is to share ideas. To sift through the haystack and find needles. And to keep the children who like to spam Slashdot in check.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/19/00
What are thresholds?
Your "threshold" is the minimum score that a comment needs to have if it is to be displayed to you. Comments are scored from -1 to 5, and you can set your threshold at any score within that range. So, for example, if you set your threshold at 2, only comments with scores of 2 or above would be displayed. Setting your threshold at -1 will display all comments. 0 is almost all comments. 1 filters out most Anonymous Cowards, and so on. Higher threshold settings reduce the number of comments you see, but (in theory, anyway) the quality of the posts you do see increases.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
What is karma?
Your karma is a score that primarily represents how your comments have been moderated in the past. If a comment you post is moderated up, your karma will rise by 1, and if it is moderated down, you will lose a point.
In addition to moderation, other things factor into karma as well. You can get some karma by submitting a story that we decide to post. Also, metamoderation can cause your karma to change. This encourages good moderators, and ideally removes moderator access from bad ones.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/19/00
Is there a limit to how much karma you can accumulate?
Yes. Karma is now capped at 50 points. This was done to keep people from running up insane karma scores, and then being immune from moderation. Despite some theories to the contrary, the karma cap applies to every account.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/19/00
It seems unfair that I can't get any more karma than that even if I earn it.
Karma is used to remove risky users from the moderator pool, and to assign a bonus point to users who have contributed positively to Slashdot in the past. It is not your IQ, dick length/cup size, value as a human being, or a score in a video game. It does not determine your worth as a Slashdot reader. It does not cure cancer or grant you a seat on the secret spaceship that will be traveling to Mars when the Krulls return to destroy the planet in 2012. Karma fluctuates dramatically as users post, moderate, and meta-moderate. Don't let it bother you. It's just a number in the database.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/19/00
Why didn't I get karma for a Quickie or a Slashback story?
This is a shortcoming in the code that we haven't solved yet. Essentially, the system can easily track a submitter of a story and grant them karma, but Quickies and Slashback each operate differently. A dozen or more people might contribute directly to any one of those stories. The system doesn't really have any internal record to handle sorting out the karma distribution. Besides that, we currently grant 3 karma points for an accepted homepage story. If 10 people each have an entry in the quickies, that's 1/3rd of a point each. Since karma is an integer, that rounds to zero. So just pretend that your karma got rounded out ;)
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/19/00
What is karma good for?
Karma is used to determine who moderates and who doesn't. Extremely bad karma usually indicates a user account that is being used to spam the discussion board.
Secondly, users with higher karma are given a bonus point. Logged-in users normally post comments with a score of 1, but the theory is that if a user earns higher karma, they may post with a score of 2. Essentially its a reward for being a good participant on Slashdot, or a punishment for being a bad one. Users with very low karma might lose the +1 associated with being a logged-in user. Extremely bad users might even be penalized to a -1.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Why is my karma not what I expect?
If you've been moderating or posting, your karma will likely fluctuate a little as you are moderated or metamoderate. Don't worry about it; this is normal. Please remember that this is just a number in a database that helps us determine who gets selected as a moderator. It doesn't determine your IQ or your value as a human being. It's simply not a big deal.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Is there a minimum amount of karma you can have?
It's very difficult to go below -10 or so. Once you get really low, you start posting at -1, and the moderators are less likely to see your posts, so it's hard to lose any more karma.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/12/00
Whenever I use my +1 Bonus, I get moderated down and lose Karma!
As a good poster, you earned a bonus: you are allowed to speak slightly "louder" then other people. In most cases, this is because you've earned it. But with that right comes a responsibility - you have to justify that bonus score. The louder you speak, the more likely you are to be moderated down, unless you're sufficiently interesting to prompt the moderators to let you keep your bonus score. This is how the system is designed to work: you can't just rack up big karma scores, and then post nonsense.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
I just got moderator access. What do I do?
Moderate! Read comments (preferably at a low threshold) and when you see comments that are very insightful, or perhaps just plain off topic, select that option from the drop down list. When you are done, hit the 'Moderate' button. That's it!
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Why can't I moderate any more?
You either used up your moderator points, or they expired. Moderation is like jury duty. You never know when you're gonna have to do it, and when you get it, you only do it for a little bit. Once those points are gone, you're done.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Why don't you give moderators unlimited moderator access to 5 stories instead of giving them just 5 points?
It's a good question. Moderators' primary complaint is that they are often crippled by the tiny amount of points they have, and the overwhelming amount of comments that need moderation. If a good moderator could moderate all the comments in a given story, certainly that would be a great improvement.
The problem is that a single bad moderator could wreak havoc across those same 5 stories. By limiting the number of moderation points to 5, any single moderator can only do so much damage. Sure they can only do so much *good* too, but that's the trade-off. I'd rather see a hundred comments unmoderated then see a hundred comments moderated badly by some jerk with an axe to grind.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/26/00
I found a comment that was unfairly moderated!
Most of the time we've found that, for every moderator out there pushing an agenda, there are a dozen good moderators making sure that everyone is getting a fair say. However, to the extent that there may be problems with unfair moderation, we have come up with a system of meta-moderation (moderating the moderation) to address this.
Answered by: Loon
Last Modified: 6/12/00
What about separating the rating (+1,-1) from the qualifier (off-topic, informative)? Often a post may be flamebait, but of excellent quality nevertheless.
While this may be true in some cases, its limited applicability doesn't justify complicating the moderators' user interface. Also, there's too much potential for abuse.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/26/00
Is this censorship?
I don't think so. Nothing is deleted: if you want to read the raw, uncut Slashdot, simply set your threshold to -1 and go crazy! This system is simply a method for us to try to work together to categorize the thousands of comments that are posted each day in such a way that we can benefit from the wisdom contained in the discussions. It's in there! It just takes some work to find it.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Has anyone been, or will anyone be banned from Slashdot?
No. Slashdot is committed to the idea of a completely free and open forum. However, we do not necessarily apply this view to sites. Sometimes it will happen that someone runs some sort of scripted vandalism on us (DOS-type things such as continuous reloading, or scripted attempts to get "first posts"), and in these cases we will block the site. (This doesn't happen all that often.)
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/30/00
I found a comment Rated -2 or 6!
This is a bug that followed us around for some time, but we're pretty sure it's fixed. If you happen upon a comment that is moderated outside the allowed -1 to 5 range, please let Cliff know (send him the full URL to the comment, including the CID). But we're pretty sure this bug is officially squashed.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/19/00
What is a good comment? A bad comment?
A good comment says something interesting or insightful. It has a link to a relevant piece of information that will add something to the discussion. It might not be Shakespeare, but it's not Beavis and Butthead. It's not off topic or flamey. It doesn't call someone names. It doesn't personally attack someone because of a disagreement of opinion.
Some of my favorite "bad" or off-topic comments are things like "Slashdot sucks!" and "This isn't news for nerds!" and "Moderate this XXX!" Any of these may be true, but they're probably off topic!
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
3 days is not enough time to moderate!
I disagree. The 3 day limit exists to help push the system along. If users were allowed to hang on to their points, they could save them for a discussion within which they wanted to push an agenda. It's all right if points go unused- points are free, and there are always hundreds of users with more points who can fill in.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
If I Post in a Discussion I moderated, Why Don't I get My Points Back?
This is intentional. If you could retrieve your points, you could abuse the system very easily. Here is an example:
Naughty Bob moderates 5 comments in a discussion. He uses up his points.
Naughty Bob waits 2 days, and then posts a message to that discussion.
Naughty Bob gets his 5 moderator points back!
GOTO 1
If Naughty Bob was out pushing an agenda, he could keep his 5 points indefinitely, saving them to push discussions around. By taking his points away, he is unable to do that. Now Naughty Bob has to wait until the next time he gets points.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
How can I improve my karma?
What follows was originally a story submission by dkh2. It seemed to me that it would better serve readers here:
10 Tips for Improving Your Karma:
Post Intelligently: Interesting, insightful, thought provoking comments are rated higher on a fairly consistent basis.
Post Calmly: Nobody likes a flame war. In fact, more times than not the flamer gets burned much more than their target."Flame Bait" is hit quickly and consistently with "-1" by moderators. As the bumper sticker says... "Don't be a dick."
If You Can't Be Deep, Be Funny: If you don't have something truly developing to the topic, some humor is welcome. Humor is lacking in our lives and will continue to be promoted. Remember though, what rips your sides out may be completely inane to somebody else.
Post Early: If an article has over a certain number of posts on it already, yours is less likely to be moderated. This is less likely both statistically (there are more to choose from) and due to positioning (as a moderator I have to actually find your post waaay at the end of a long list.)
Post Often: If you only post once a month you can expect your karma to remain low. Also, lively discussion in an open forum is what makes Slashdot really "Rock the Casbah."
Stay On Topic: Off topic posts are slapped quickly and consistently with "-1" by moderators.
Be Original: Avoid being redundant and just repeating what has already been said. Smirk. Yes, being moderated as "redundant" is worth "-1" to your post and your karma. Especially to be avoided are the "what he said" and "me too" posts.
Read It Before You Post: Does it say what you really want it to say? Check your own spelling and grammar. Occasionally, a perfectly beneficial post is passed over by moderators because of this completely irrelevant-to-content feature. This is also a good approach to checking yourself for what you're really saying. Can't tell you the number of times I've stopped myself from saying the opposite of what I meant by checking my own spelling and grammar.
Log In As a Registered User: I know, this sounds obvious but, "Anonymous Coward" does not have a karma rating. You can't reap the perceived benefits of your own accidental brilliance if you post anonymously. Have pride in your work and take credit for it.
Read Slashdot Regularly: You can't possibly contribute to the discussion if you're not in the room. Come to the party and play.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Lots of early posts that "seem" to be informative/insightful and get mod-ed up when they really shouldn't be. If the author sounds confident, people seem to just give him points. By the time an actual informative post makes it in, it's too late to go back. How could you accommodate this in the moderation system?
Moderators are human beings, and human beings make mistakes. Still, moderators should try to be as thorough as they can. If there's a link in the comment, moderators should check it. If there are facts in the comment that a moderator knows to be wrong, he or she should take that into account. If the moderator doesn't know if the facts in a comment are correct or not, maybe the moderator should skip that comment.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/19/00
What sorts of anti-troll filters exist?
A handful of filters have been put into place to try to make sure that people don't abuse the system. The most important is that the same person can't post more than once every 60 seconds. Identical comments are rejected. Also, if a single user is moderated down several times in a short time frame, a 24 hour ban will be imposed on that user... a cooling off period if you will.
The vast majority of you will never encounter any of these troll filters. If you do encounter one unfairly, let us know so we can fix it. This stuff is fairly beta code, so there are bound to be problems.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 6/12/00
Why can't I search or filter archived stories?
This is a feature we want to implement. As it is now, after 14 days, comments are flushed from the database, and archived permanently with the stories. Conceptually this is nice because after a week the discussion usually trickles off to nothing. However, it's a problem because these archived stories ignore user preferences like filters and sorting. Just as bad, it's currently not possible to search for "that comment I read 6 months ago that talked about that thing." I mean, you can use Google or something (and often that works really well) but not Slashdot's internal comment system.
The problem is that since its inception, more then a million comments have been posted, and so all the code was written to function on very minimal hardware. Now that we have substantial hardware and could probably handle the additional burden of searching millions of comments, the changes to the code would be fairly significant.
This is definitely something that we plan to do, but it's just not simple, so please be patient.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 10/29/00
-cdpb-
you sir, are a very good troll.
has anyone spoken to you regarding the cdpb?
-cdpb-
cm, have you talked with trollaxor about next tuesday?
cdpb
Windows is installed on 95% of the world's PCs, but its new challenger Gnome is being developed and distributed globally by more than 250 programmers supporting a free software movement.
Gnome can look like a Windows or Mac desktop, giving a friendly mouse-driven Graphical User Interface (GUI). It runs from the Linux operating system and should appeal to consumers put off by Linux's requirement for plain text commands.
Both Gnome and Linux are free to download over the Internet, but the boxed versions, with manuals, CDs and tech support by companies such as Red Hat and SuSE have gone on sale at retail outlets for less than £50 - undercutting Windows prices and their licences allowing distribution across more than one machine.
Mexican man with a mission
Gnome is the free software movement's most serious challenge yet to Bill Gates' dominance of the desktop. It is led by a modest, 26 year-old Mexican programmer, Miguel De Icaza.
"I'm only the Gnome co-ordinator," he told BBC News Online on a visit to the UK recently for a workshop and conference organised by netproject.
"At the release of Gnome 1.0 we had 250 people who could put changes back into the source code. This main team of developers has been assembled over the past 20 months and there are now 38 more since the 1.0 release in March."
Gnome stands for Gnu Network Object Model Environment. "It started off as a component model," says Miguel, "So you could write small modules to build bigger applications, but the GUI thing just took off."
Gnome better than KDE
There are other friendly front-ends to Linux, including the K Desktop Environment (KDE), but Gnome is quickly becoming the GUI of choice to run on top of Linux.
"I don't think KDE has a future at this point, it's not completely free yet and it's bound to a single programming language in Unix. Gnome from the very beginning has been accessible through any language. We are providing the GUI for all the languages and programmers can choose the language they like the most," says Miguel.
Users are advised to stay away from a Gnome clone known as KDE. "I would not advise anyone to use KDE as long as Gnome is available," says Miguel. While KDE is free, it is widely known that the creators of KDE were upset that Gnome was a clearly superior product and they had no input whatsoever on the project. KDE is mostly made up of code stolen from Gnome and made to look original.
Gnome comes with some fully-featured applications such as a spreadsheet. A word processor is in the works, as is an e-mail program with a radically different approach to the current hierarchical structure for viewing mail.
Gnome and Linux can be installed on a PC alongside Windows as well as replacing it. Would-be users are advised to install it on a separate hard drive partition and configure their computer to have a dual-boot option so they can choose between operating systems and try Gnome out.
Linux has made great strides among Internet and network professionals. It developed into a robust operating system to challenge Windows on main servers.
This is the result of the efforts of programmers around the world working, often in their spare time, to improve on the code first developed by the Finn, Linus Torvalds.
Copyleft view of software
Miguel leans more towards the Free Software Foundation's views on this collaborative programming rather than that of the Open Source Initiative, whose chief spokesman Eric Raymond is virulently anti-Microsoft and campaigns for businesses to adopt open-source software as a cheaper and more reliable option than Microsoft's products.
The Free Software Foundation of Richard Stallman set out to develop an operating system, Gnu, whose source code would be open and which would be distributed so that it could be changed and improved on by anyone else.
The terms of the copyleft agreement or GNU General Public Licence mean those using the code cannot turn it into restricted proprietary software. "Every time a copy of the software is passed on these freedoms go with it. With copyleft we actually defend the freedom for every user," he said.
Stallman also agreed with Miguel De Icaza stating that there was no reason to be using KDE now when Gnome was available. "KDE just can't compete. It'll never be on any desktop I use!," said Stallman.
"We are doing this for the freedom issues, not for fighting a specific company," says Miguel of the Gnome project. "Gnome was meant to give users a reliable, customizable, quality GUI," says Miguel "as opposed to KDE, which, I'm sad to say is not reliable or user-friendly and definitely not what I would call a quality product."
cdpb
It has come to my attention that the entire Linux community is a hotbed of so called 'alternative sexuality,' which includes anything from hedonistic orgies to homosexuality to pedophilia.
What better way of demonstrating this than by looking at the hidden messages contained within the names of some of Linux's most outspoken advocates:
I'm sure that Eric S. Raymond, composer of the satanic homosexual propaganda diatribe The Cathedral and the Bizarre, is probably an anagram of something queer, but we don't need to look that far as we know he's always shoving a gun up some poor little boy's rectum. Update: Eric S. Raymond is actually an anagram for secondary rim and cord in my arse. It just goes to show you that he is indeed queer.
Update the Second: It is also documented that Evil Sicko Gaymond is responsible for a nauseating piece of code called Fetchmail, which is obviously sinister sodomite slang for 'Felch Male' -- a disgusting practise. For those not in the know, 'felching' is the act performed by two perverts wherein one sucks their own post-coital ejaculate out of the other's rectum. In fact, it appears that the dirty Linux faggots set out to undermine the good Republican institution of e-mail, turning it into 'e-male.'
As far as Richard 'Master' Stallman goes, that filthy fudge-packer was actually quoted on leftist commie propaganda site Salon.com as saying the following: 'I've been resistant to the pressure to conform in any circumstance,' he says. 'It's about being able to question conventional wisdom,' he asserts. 'I believe in love, but not monogamy,' he says plainly.
And this isn't a made up troll bullshit either! He actually stated this tripe, which makes it obvious that he is trying to politely say that he's a flaming homo slut!
Speaking about 'flaming,' who better to point out as a filthy chutney ferret than Slashdot's very own self-confessed pederast Jon Katz. Although an obvious deviant anagram cannot be found from his name, he has already confessed, nay boasted of the homosexual perversion of corrupting the innocence of young children. To quote from the article linked:
'I've got a rare kidney disease,' I told her. 'I have to go to the bathroom a lot. You can come with me if you want, but it takes a while. Is that okay with you? Do you want a note from my doctor?'
Is this why you were touching your penis in the cinema, Jon? And letting the other boys touch it too?
We should also point out that Jon Katz refers to himself as 'Slashdot's resident Gasbag.' Is there any more doubt? For those fortunate few who aren't aware of the list of homosexual terminology found inside the Linux 'Sauce Code,' a 'Gasbag' is a pervert who gains sexual gratification from having a thin straw inserted into his urethra (or to use the common parlance, 'piss-pipe'), then his homosexuallover blows firmly down the straw to inflate his scrotum. This is, of course, when he's not busy violating the dignity and copyright of posters to Slashdot by gathering together their postings and publishing them en masse to further his twisted and manipulative journalistic agenda.
Sick, disgusting antichristian perverts, the lot of them.
In addition, many of the Linux distributions (a 'distribution' is the most common way to spread the faggots' wares) are run by faggot groups. The Slackware distro is named after the 'Slack-wear' fags wear to allow easy access to the anus for sexual purposes. Furthermore, Slackware is a close anagram of claw arse, a reference to the homosexual practice of anal fisting. The Mandrake product is run by a group of French faggot satanists, and is named after the faggot nickname for the vibrator. It was also chosen because it is an anagram for dark amen and ram naked, which is what they do.
Another 'distro,' (abbrieviated as such because it sounds a bit like 'Disco,' which is where homosexuals preyed on young boys in the 1970s), is Debian, an anagram of in a bed, which could be considered innocent enough (after all, a bed is both where we sleep and pray), until we realise what other names Debian uses to describe their foul wares. 'Woody' is obvious enough, being a term for the erect male penis, glistening with pre-cum. But far sicker is the phrase 'Frozen Potato' that they use. This filthy term, again found in the secret homosexual 'Sauce Code,' refers to the solo homosexual practice of defecating into a clear polythene bag, shaping the turd into a crude approximation of the male phallus, then leaving it in the freezer overnight until it becomes solid. The practitioner then proceeds to push the frozen 'potato' up his own rectum, squeezing it in and out until his tight young balls erupt in a screaming orgasm.
And Red Hat is secret homo slang for the tip of a penis that is soaked in blood from a freshly violated underage ringpiece.
The fags have even invented special tools to aid their faggotry! For example, the 'supermount' tool was devised to allow deeper penetration, which is good for fags because it gives more pressure on the prostate gland. 'Automount' is used, on the other hand, because Linux users are all fat and gay, and need to mount each other automatically.
The depths of their depravity can be seen in their use of 'mount points.' These are, plainly speaking, the different points of penetration. The main one is obviously /anus, but there are others. Militant fags even say 'there is no /opt mount point' because for these dirty perverts faggotry is not optional but a way of life.
More evidence is in the fact that Linux users say how much they love `man`, even going so far as to say that all new Linux users (who are in fact just innocent heterosexuals indoctrinated by the gay propaganda) should try out `man`. In no other system do users boast of their frequent recourse to a man.
Other areas of the system also show Linux's inherit gayness. For example, people are often told of the 'FAQ,' but how many innocent heterosexual Windows users know what this actually means. The answer is shocking: Faggot Anal Quest: the voyage of discovery for newly converted fags!
Even the title 'Slashdot' originally referred to a homosexual practice. Slashdot of course refers to the popular gay practice of blood-letting. The Slashbots, of course are those super-zealous homosexuals who take this perversion to its extreme by ripping open their anuses, as seen on the site most popular with Slashdot users, the depraved work of Satan, http://www.eff.org/.
The editors of Slashdot also have homosexual names: 'Hemos' is obvious in itself, being one vowel away from 'Homos.' But even more sickening is 'Commander Taco' which sounds a bit like 'Commode in Taco,' filthy gay slang for a pair of spreadeagled buttocks that are caked with excrement . (The best form of lubrication, they insist.) Sometimes, these 'Taco Commodes' have special 'Salsa Sauce' (blood from a ruptured rectum) and 'Cheese' (rancid flakes of penis discharge) toppings. And to make it even worse, Slashdot runs on Apache!
The Apache server, whose use among fags is as prevalent as AIDS, is named after homosexual activity -- as everyone knows, popular faggot band, the Village People, featured an Apache Indian, and it is for him that this gay program is named.
And that's not forgetting the use of patches in the Linux fag world -- patches are used to make the anus accessible for repeated anal sex even after its rupture by a session of fisting.
To summarise: Linux is gay. 'Slash -- Dot' is the graphical description of the space between a young boy's scrotum and anus. And BeOS is for hermaphrodites and disabled 'stumpers.'
FEEDBACK
Well, the only reason I know all about this is because I had the misfortune to read the Linux 'Sauce code' once. Although publicised as the computer code needed to get Linux up and running on a computer (and haven't you always been worried about the phrase 'Monolithic Kernel'?), this foul document is actually a detailed and graphic description of every conceivable degrading perversion known to the human race, as well as a few of the major animal species. It has shocked and disturbed me, to the point of needing to shock and disturb the common man to warn them of the impending homo-calypse which threatens to engulf our planet.
Doesn't it give you a hard-on to imagine your thick strong poker ramming it's way up my most sacred of sphincters? You're beyond help, my friend, as the only thing you can imagine is the foul penetrative violation of another man. Are you sure you're not Eric Raymond? The government, being populated by limp-wristed liberals, could never stem the sickening tide of homosexual child molesting Linux advocacy. Hell, they've given NAMBLA free reign for years!
Thank you for your kind words of support. However, this document shall only ever be posted anonymously. This is because the 'Open Sauce' movement is a sham, proposing homoerotic cults of hero worshipping in the name of freedom. I speak for the common man. For any man who prefers the warm, enveloping velvet folds of a woman's vagina to the tight puckered ringpiece of a child. These men, being common, decent folk, don't have a say in the political hypocrisy that is Slashdot culture. I am the unknown liberator.
We shouldn't hate them, we should pity them for the misguided fools they are... Fanatical Linux zeal-outs need to be herded into camps for re-education and subsequent rehabilitation into normal heterosexual society. This re-education shall be achieved by forcing them to watch repeats of Baywatch until the very mention of Pamela Anderson causes them to fill their pants with healthy heterosexual jism.
Well, it just goes to show that even the holy Linux 'sauce code' is riddled with bugs that need fixing. (The irony of Jon Katz not even being able to inflate his scrotum correctly has not been lost on me.) The Linux pervert elite already acknowledge this, with their queer slogan: 'Given enough arms, all rectums are shallow.' And anyway, the PS2 sucks major cock and isn't worth the money. Intellivision forever!
For one thing, whilst Linux is a cavalcade of queer propaganda masquerading as the future of computing, NT is used by people who think nothing better of encasing their genitals in quick setting plaster then going to see a really dirty porno film, enjoying the restriction enforced onto them. Remember, a wasted arousal is a sin in the eyes of the Catholic church. Clearly, the only god-fearing Christian operating system in existence is CP/M -- The Christian Program Monitor. All computer users should immediately ask their local pastor to install this fine OS onto their systems. It is the only route to salvation.
Secondly, this message is for every man. Computers know no colour. Not only that, but one of the finest websites in the world is maintained by a Black Man . Now fuck off you racist donkey felcher.
Although there is nothing unholy about the fine heterosexual act of ejaculating between a woman's breasts, squirting one's load up towards her neck and chin area, it should be noted that Perl (standing for Pansies Entering Rectums Locally) is also close to 'Pearl Monocle,' 'Pearl Nosering,' and the ubiquitous 'Pearl Enema.'
One scary thing about Perl is that it contains hidden homosexual messages. Take the following code: LWP::Simple -- It looks innocuous enough, doesn't it? But look at the line closely: There are two colons next to each other! As Larry 'Balls to the' Wall would openly admit in the Perl Documentation, Perl was designed from the ground up to indoctrinate it's programmers into performing unnatural sexual acts -- having two colons so closely together is clearly a reference to the perverse sickening act of 'colon kissing,' whereby two homosexual queers spread their buttocks wide, pressing their filthy torn sphincters together. They then share small round objects like marbles or golfballs by passing them from one rectum to another using muscle contraction alone. This is also referred to in programming 'circles' as 'Parameter Passing.'
And PHP stands for Perverted Homosexual Penetration. Didn't you know?
Well, I don't know about terraforming Mars, but I do know that homosexual Linux Advocates have been probing Uranus for years.
*sniff* That brings a tear to my eye. Thank you once more for your kind support. I have taken faith in the knowledge that I am doing the Good Lord's work, but it is encouraging to know that I am helping out the common man here.
However, I should be cautious about revealing your name 'Cerberus' on such a filthy den of depravity as Slashdot. It is a well known fact that the 'Kerberos' documentation from Microsoft is a detailed manual describing, in intimate, exacting detail, how to sexually penetrate a variety of unwilling canine animals; be they domesticated, wild, or mythical. Slashdot posters have taken great pleasure in illegally spreading this documentation far and wide, treating it as an 'extension' to the Linux 'Sauce Code,' for the sake of 'interoperability.' (The slang term they use for nonconsensual intercourse -- their favourite kind.)
In fact, sick twisted Linux deviants are known to have LAN parties, (Love of Anal Naughtiness, needless to say.), wherein they entice a stray dog, known as the 'Samba Mount,' into their homes. Up to four of these filth-sodden blasphemers against nature take turns to plunge their erect, throbbing, uncircumcised members, conkers-deep, into the rectum, mouth, and other fleshy orifices of the poor animal. Eventually, the 'Samba Mount' collapses due to 'overload,' and needs to be 'rebooted.' (i.e., kicked out into the street, and left to fend for itself.) Many Linux users boast about their 'uptime' in such situations.
If only indeed. You can help our brave cause by moderating this message up as often as possible. I recommend '+1, Underrated,' as that will protect your precious Karma in Metamoderation. Only then can we break through the glass ceiling of Homosexual Slashdot Culture. Is it any wonder that the new version of Slashcode has been christened 'Bender'???
If we can get just one of these postings up to at least '+1,' then it will be archived forever! Others will learn of our struggle, and join with us in our battle for freedom!
I am compelled to document the foulness and carnal depravity that is Linux, in order that we may prepare ourselves for the great holy war that is to follow. It is my solemn duty to peel back the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.
I could make an arrogant, childish comment along the lines of 'Every time someone asks for 2.0, I won't release it for another 24 hours,' but the truth of the matter is that I'm quite nervous of releasing a 'number two,' as I can guarantee some filthy shit-slurping Linux pervert would want to suck it straight out of my anus before I've even had chance to wipe.
I sincerely hope you're Natalie Portman.
What the fuck?
Well bugger me!
Fuck right off!
IMPORTANT: This message needs to be heard (Not HURD , which is an acronym for 'Huge Unclean Rectal Dilator') across the whole community, so it has been released into the Public Domain. You know, that licence that we all had before those homoerotic crypto-fascists came out with the GPL (Gay Penetration License) that is no more than an excuse to see who's got the biggest feces-encrusted cock. I would have put this up on Freshmeat, but that name is known to be a euphemism for the tight rump of a young boy.
Come to think of it, the whole concept of 'Source Control' unnerves me, because it sounds a bit like 'Sauce Control,' which is a description of the homosexual practice of holding the base of the cock shaft tightly upon the point of ejaculation, thus causing a build up of semenal fluid that is only released upon entry into an incision made into the base of the receiver's scrotum. And 'Open Sauce' is the act of ejaculating into another mans face or perhaps a biscuit to be shared later. Obviously, 'Closed Sauce' is the only Christian thing to do, as evidenced by the fact that it is what Cathedrals are all about.
Contributors: (although not to the eternal game of 'soggy biscuit' that open 'sauce' development has become) Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, phee, Anonymous Coward, mighty jebus, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, double_h, Anonymous Coward, Eimernase, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward. Further contributions are welcome.
Current changes: This version sent to FreeWIPO by 'Bring BackATV' as plain text. Reformatted everything, added all links back in (that we could match from the previous version), many new ones (Slashbot bait links). Even more spelling fixed. Who wrote this thing, CmdrTaco himself?
Previous changes: Yet more changes added. Spelling fixed. Feedback added. Explanation of 'distro' system. 'Mount Point' syntax described. More filth regarding `man` and Slashdot. Yet more fucking spelling fixed. 'Fetchmail' uncovered further. More Slashbot baiting. Apache exposed. Distribution licence at foot of document.
ANUX -- A full Linux distribution... Up your ass!
well, shit, western Tennessee actually, but thanks anyway.
acutally, you may mail/fedex some to me if you wish. if you fear some sort of legality problem, just send cash and i'll buy some locally. its the thought that counts!
this reminds me...
(note to self...get high when you get home!)
The many Linux shortcomings.
Before everyone gets upset, please follow me as I outline some of the critical shortcomings in Linux. Firts is the loack of re-entrant kernel threads. The net ffect of this is a poor execution of both multi-tasking on uniprocessor systems and multi-processor systems. In a uniprocessor system the lack of reentrant kernel threads allows applications to control processor time. This cooperative multitasking is ineffecient, and systems intensive. In a multiprocessor box you wind up with an asynchronous multitaksing environment, where processor load is not balanced across the two or more processors. The net result in both situations is that processes take longer to execute. Needless to say, Windows excels at all of these.
The next is poor execution of asynchronous I/O, which is necessary for efficient communications. In fact, the execution of asynchronous I/O in Linux is quite poor, especially when compared to Windows. When subjected to the Transaction Processing Council's C and D tests, which measure transactions per minute, Linux fares poorly compared to commercial variants of Unix, BSD, and NT. The net result of this is an increased cost of ownership, as the cost of each transaction is much higher than the cost associated with Windows NT.
Another serious setback for Linux is the lack of a journalling file system. This makes data storage unreliable, and backup and recovery a dicey proposition. SGI said they would port the IRIX file system to Linux, but I haven't heard anything about this yet. However, when you look at the major commercial NOS's, they all have journalling file systems, including Sun, SCO, Windows NT, Banyan Vines, HP/UX, AIX, and Novell. Windows has cleary beaten Linux to the punch here.
I look forward to watching Linux as it grows up. I do believe it may have a bright future. It just isn't there yet! Too bad I will have to wait many years for Linux to become a viable option in the operating system arena. If I were to believe everything I read about Linux, I would have to assume that it will save the world! Please, let us also be honest and present Linux and all its many shortcomings when you are downtalking Windows.
Linux, Macintosh Or Windows?
Stability is critical in an OS. Stability is what ensures your computer will be working when you need it to work, vs. having to pay for a technician to come in and fix it. Based on my experiences with all three platforms, Windows is by far the most stable platform, with Macintosh ranking just behind and little known BSD following in third. I would say that Linux might be the next most stable OS after Windows, MacOS, and BSD.
This ranking alters slightly when considering the hardware layer. Inherently the most stable OS, Windows is still new and is not compatible with all the hardware available. The manufacturer of Macintosh - Apple - owns, designs and builds its own computers. This makes them inherently the most stable in the long run. Compare this to Linux, which just handles the software. It is the hardware manufacturers' and other software programmers' responsibility to make the Linux platform stable.
Unfortunately, because there are so many programmers trying to make the program stable from their own vantage point, Linux is an unstable OS. The best example I can come up with is having 1,000 plumbing companies come in and plumb a different part of a new house. Each company has its own way of doing things and the pipes, fittings or fixtures may just not work together smoothly. In the end, the owner might have a bunch of leaks. This is definitely a good way to describe what will happen with Linux.
The ease of use winner is the Windows, hands down. The reason I say this is the amount of time I have to take explaining something to someone on each platform. Windows is made to be easy and friendly. Macintosh follows in second and Linux is a distant third. The reason for Linux being so far behind is that it is UNIX-based. To install programs in Linux, you have to drop out into the command environment and type in arcane UNIX-based commands. Another good indicator of ease of use lies in networking PCs together. Linux, again, requires in-depth understanding, while Macintosh takes some understanding, and Windows takes the least. In the end, I can put a Windows PC on a network in about 10 minutes, while a Macintosh may take 30 minutes and a Linux box would take at least one to two hours.
Software and hardware availability is the actual crux of the issue. Again, let's go back to the OS layer. Because each OS speaks its own language, software programs that have been designed for one OS will not work on another. A program made for Linux, for example, will not work on a Windows-based PC (no big loss: I was unable to find anyLinux-based application that I would want to run that didn't have a better Windows alternative).
Now, there are plenty of "ported" software titles available. A ported software program is one that was made on one platform and then translated for use on another. Ported programs allow us to use documents created in a program on one platform with the same program on another platform. Here is an interesting tidbit: Microsoft Word was originally developed for the Macintosh and subsequently ported for use on DOS and then Windows.
Back to the primary issue of hardware/software availability. Windows wins this one hands down because of the sheer number of software titles available, with the Macintosh coming in second. The Mac lacks the specialty software titles, but it has equivalent hardware availability. Linux is a distant third. Linux hasn't been recognized by the major hardware/software vendors, due to it's "hobbist OS" background. That recognition would help by driving major corporations to port their programs and hardware over to the Linux platform. Currently, software and hardware corporations just don't want to waste their time on an operating system that is quickly being forgotten about.