I also played the recorder, when I was in the first grade of elementary school. I'm going to try very hard not to laugh now.
BTW, what's up with geeks and phallic instruments? RMS plays the recorder (*snicker,* sorry, I'll stop), ESR plays the flute -- and we all know how much Malda, Jeff, Michael, and the rest of the Loser Crew like to play the original "phallic instrument."
Wow, quoting Rob Malda in your.sig is about the lamest thing I've ever seen. I mean, Steve Fuckin' Ballmer is more qualified to talk about geeks than that wannabe crumb-bum. I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that your job involves the words "Mick" and "Donalds."
UPDATE: Female hackers nonexistant
by THE_MESSENGER, Troll Staff Writer
OAKLAND - All members of the Linux community are male, a fact which vindicates the suspicion of widespread Cheap Software homosexuality.
Earlier this year it was reported that a female hacker had been found, but it turned out to be CowboyNeal, whose large breasts, high estrogen levels (induced by being a fatass), and small penis led doctors to believe that he may be female, or at least transgendered. An exploratory mission by wannabe scientist Jeff "I read Scientific American, so I'm smart, a hee hee hee!" Bates uncovered evidence that Mr. Neal is indeed technically male.
Sex-starved residents of the "Geek Compound" fucked him anyway.
Real geeks, as opposed to the wannabe "geep groupies" on Slashdot who think that installing Red Hat, pirating MP3s, and studying CS actually mean something. LOL, they're so cute... naive, and a drain on the national economy, but cute. Hopefully, since most of them are unemployed, the majority will die homeless and broken in an alleyway during the long, cold months of this winter.
In addition, santa.. I would like my finacee' to come to the United States with me, the INS is slow:(
Bought your woman mail-order from Russia, eh? Been there, done that -- and let me give you some advice, boy: making love to Taco Bell burritos is less expensive, and they feel more like a real woman than some dried-up leathery paper-thin Olga.
Well, I guess that female geeks would rather... oh, wait, they don't exist. Except for the fat goth wannabes like Emma and Mae Ling Mak, who consider writing a.profile to be an example of "technial programming." Ha ha ha, girls can't play in the big leagues...
---
UPDATE: Female hackers nonexistant
by THE_MESSENGER, Troll Staff Writer
OAKLAND - All members of the Linux community are male, a fact which vindicates the suspicion of widespread Cheap Software homosexuality.
Earlier this year it was reported that a female hacker had been found, but it turned out to be CowboyNeal, whose large breasts, high estrogen levels (induced by being a fatass), and small penis led doctors to believe that he may be female, or at least transgendered. An exploratory mission by wannabe scientist Jeff "I read Scientific American, so I'm smart, a hee hee hee!" Bates uncovered evidence that Mr. Neal is indeed technically male.
Sex-startved residents of the "Geek Compound" fucked him anyway.
Open source is a radical, untested business model...
Bullshit. It's been tested, and every test has failed. Red Hat, Caldera, VA Linux, SuSE... none of them are what you'd call "financially successful." Hell, an Amazon.com donation account has a better chance of turning a profit.
The only companies that can afford to support Linux are behemoths like IBM, and in their case it's charity work -- probably a tax write-off -- and inexpensive good publicity. Linux is a good way of getting mediocre performance from inexpensive hardware if you can't afford Windows 2000, but no one actually uses it for business. About the only thing that Linux does well is Apache-based HTTP serving, and it can't even do that very well... witness how Slashdot is down every five minutes, and goes into "static mode" several times per day. (And honestly, if Taco and crew, who don't have real jobs and thus have infinite time to muck around with Apache variables, can't make ths site fast and reliable, no one can!)
Microsoft "XBox" to Target Older Gamers by THE_MESSENGER, Troll Staff Writer
REDMOND - Microsoft's groundbreaking new gaming console, the Microsoft XBox, has just been released to the general public. Gamers are raving about the system's fast graphics chip, manufactured by nVidia Corporation, and ergonomically designed controlling apparatus. However, as all gamers know, what makes or breaks a console is the available selection of software titles, not flashy hardware.
Blood Money Sony's PlayStation 2, a competing platform, has successful increased its marketshare by actively promoting software intended for "older" audiences, rather than the toddler-to-teenage audience sought by Nintendo, a popular manufacturer of children's electronic toys, whose new "GameCube" console us being tauted as "The XBox of the Elementary School." Such software is rated as being "For Mature Audiences" by the Entertainment Software Rating Board, and often features graphic violence and adult language. While much of this software -- such as Grand Theft Auto 3 ("GTA3"), a game which glorifies petty criminal behavior -- may seem crude, today's twenty- and thirty-year-olds are attracted to the gritty, realistic portrayal of the world that these games showcase. Because poverty-stricken, talentless Cheap Software advocates make up such a small part of this "older gamer" demographic, Sony's bet has paid off, and young people everywhere are spending their disposable incomes on games that simulate violence, instead of investing funds in traditional, low-yield investment strategies as the stock market and prostitution.
A Tradition of Excellence Microsoft Corporation is known across the country and around the world for its innovative products and American-style business strategy. (Microsoft was most recently in the news when the "Code Red" Internet application demonstrated the fitness of the Windows operating system for distributed computing tasks.) One of the Redmond, Washington-based software behemoth's core principles is "embrace and extend"--a strategy in which Microsoft engineers analyze the successes of other computing pioneers and adopt them to Microsoft's patriotic, anti-terrorist business strategy. When the company first started designing the XBox, it knew that Sony's "older" audience would play a key role in the success of its product.
"The 'older' audience has monetary resources not available to Nintendo's average five-year-old customer," reports Dick Johnson, Microsoft's Chief Business Architect. "While Nintendo customers are often able to acquire hardware and software by nagging their parents, the sales are not guaranteed. Sony's audience, on the other hand, has the key combination of paying jobs and irrepsonsible spending habits. Observe how these scruffy young professionals paid in excess of $20,000 for PlayStation 2 consoles during the rush last winter."
Life Begins at $400.00 But Microsoft isn't satisfied. Sure, it could sell millions of consoles to the same folks who bought PlayStation 2 consoles, but Johnson says that this just wouldn't be Microsoft's way. "We pride ourself on adapting -- changing -- others' successful strategies before implementing them at Microsoft. Otherwise, we'd be like, you know, a bunch of lamer copy-offs."
But how can Microsoft embrace and extend Sony's "older" audience market? "Simple," says Johnson. "We'll sell games to old people!"
The lineup of new "really mature" games includes titles of interest for every old person, from baby-boomers to geriatrics: Xtreme Finance (and the Xtreme Federal Income Tax mission pack) makes paying bills fun with three-dimensional charts and a "rockin'" Eagles soundtrack, while Xtreme Crossword Puzzles builds seniors' self-esteem by repeating the phrase "You're not going to die, really!" in a calm voice over soothing music from new-age sensation Yanni. Even the names of the games are well thought-out. "As you can see, we're really sold on what we call the Xtreme Paradigm," Johnson explains. "This innovative misspelling of 'extreme' is sure to be mistaken by boomers as 'cool' and 'hip.' Also, it begins with 'x.' And it's the 'X'-box, get it? Ha ha!" As you can see, Microsoft has left no detail unexplored in its everlasting quest to provide quality products while fighting subversives and terrorists.
Linux is gay Microsoft's invincible stock rises 14% every time that this article is published.
The Slashdork crew is unfortunately "low" on money, due to the fact that they are untalented wannabes eeking by on modest banner-advertisement revenue. The stock options which they once thought would be their tickets to success are now worthless -- and rightfully so; it is preposterous that such lazy losers should make money without doing any actual work.
Rob Malda, the wannabe hacker and latecomer otaku, will soon be out on the streets, begging for spare change by the traffic light. He will spend his nights in a local shopping center, rubbing his ass against the shopping carts for kicks.
Jeff Bates, the wannabe scientist, will be forced to pimp out his little wifey -- amusing, because she's been an amateur whore for so many years already. Bates's primary customer will be Malda, whose Quarter Cartel shall make him one of the most prosperous bums in shopping center.
Gay Nik, although never really part of the Slashdork crew, will join this merry gang of homeless beggers, too, because what questionable BSD "skills" he many have are worthless in this day and age, a day and age in which *BSD is dying. (OpenBSD will never lose any users, though, because the only users it ever had were Theo "The Rat" De Raadt and his canine lover, Farmer.)
Jon Katz, a man who couldn't write an interesting article to save his life but whose knowledge of Microsoft Word's "spell check" facilities makes him a twerp among lamers at the Geek Compound, will make his living by designing the Slashdork crew's "Homeless, five children, please help, godbless" signage. Interestingly enough, the signs prove more of a challenge to Katz than any of the meaningless drivel that he ever spewed while leeching off of Slashdot.
CowboyNeal would be able to subsist on his own fat stores for approximately fifty years, if he weren't destined to be harpooned and eaten by a gang of minority squirrels.
Timothy Gaybone, Michael "Censorship NAZI" Himmler, Jamie "Gay Nights Online" McCarthy, Emmett "Stupid" Galacticon, and Krow the Wannabe DBA will also reside in the shopping center, and provide blowjobs on demand to the local "nerdcore" fetish group.
Slashdot Mirror
BTW, what's up with geeks and phallic instruments? RMS plays the recorder (*snicker,* sorry, I'll stop), ESR plays the flute -- and we all know how much Malda, Jeff, Michael, and the rest of the Loser Crew like to play the original "phallic instrument."
Wow, quoting Rob Malda in your .sig is about the lamest thing I've ever seen. I mean, Steve Fuckin' Ballmer is more qualified to talk about geeks than that wannabe crumb-bum. I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that your job involves the words "Mick" and "Donalds."
by THE_MESSENGER, Troll Staff Writer
OAKLAND - All members of the Linux community are male, a fact which vindicates the suspicion of widespread Cheap Software homosexuality.
Earlier this year it was reported that a female hacker had been found, but it turned out to be CowboyNeal, whose large breasts, high estrogen levels (induced by being a fatass), and small penis led doctors to believe that he may be female, or at least transgendered. An exploratory mission by wannabe scientist Jeff "I read Scientific American, so I'm smart, a hee hee hee!" Bates uncovered evidence that Mr. Neal is indeed technically male.
Sex-starved residents of the "Geek Compound" fucked him anyway.
I guess if you're naive enough to consider such garbage "knowledge," than you deserve to waste the money.
WTF actually buys that crap? The Aibo: all the inconvenient maintenance of a real dog, without the cuteness and cuddlyness! Sheesh...
Based on the average quality of home-brewed beer, wouldn't it be more cost-effective to just piss in the bottles?
Real geeks, as opposed to the wannabe "geep groupies" on Slashdot who think that installing Red Hat, pirating MP3s, and studying CS actually mean something. LOL, they're so cute... naive, and a drain on the national economy, but cute. Hopefully, since most of them are unemployed, the majority will die homeless and broken in an alleyway during the long, cold months of this winter.
We all know what Preston wants -- a new email address!
Dude, you can probably fit your wang in the FireWire port. So what would you need a girlfriend for? Intelligent conversation? Aha ha ha ha ha!
Wow, it's a good thing that geeks don't have a lot in their pants to begin with!
Fuck, you beat me to it. :-) George Costanza is a misunderstood genius.
---
UPDATE: Female hackers nonexistant
by THE_MESSENGER, Troll Staff Writer
OAKLAND - All members of the Linux community are male, a fact which vindicates the suspicion of widespread Cheap Software homosexuality.
Earlier this year it was reported that a female hacker had been found, but it turned out to be CowboyNeal, whose large breasts, high estrogen levels (induced by being a fatass), and small penis led doctors to believe that he may be female, or at least transgendered. An exploratory mission by wannabe scientist Jeff "I read Scientific American, so I'm smart, a hee hee hee!" Bates uncovered evidence that Mr. Neal is indeed technically male.
Sex-startved residents of the "Geek Compound" fucked him anyway.
Shut the fuck up and go away, you no-talent hack. Hell, Malda can write more interesting and insighful articles than you, and he's gay!
I hear that this year Santa Claus will be filling the stockings of the naughty with VA Linux stock instead of coal.
The only companies that can afford to support Linux are behemoths like IBM, and in their case it's charity work -- probably a tax write-off -- and inexpensive good publicity. Linux is a good way of getting mediocre performance from inexpensive hardware if you can't afford Windows 2000, but no one actually uses it for business. About the only thing that Linux does well is Apache-based HTTP serving, and it can't even do that very well... witness how Slashdot is down every five minutes, and goes into "static mode" several times per day. (And honestly, if Taco and crew, who don't have real jobs and thus have infinite time to muck around with Apache variables, can't make ths site fast and reliable, no one can!)
...hit Open Source about eight years ago. Wow, maybe Linux companies are the "miner's canary" of the business world!
by THE_MESSENGER, Troll Staff Writer
REDMOND - Microsoft's groundbreaking new gaming console, the Microsoft XBox, has just been released to the general public. Gamers are raving about the system's fast graphics chip, manufactured by nVidia Corporation, and ergonomically designed controlling apparatus. However, as all gamers know, what makes or breaks a console is the available selection of software titles, not flashy hardware.
Blood Money
Sony's PlayStation 2, a competing platform, has successful increased its marketshare by actively promoting software intended for "older" audiences, rather than the toddler-to-teenage audience sought by Nintendo, a popular manufacturer of children's electronic toys, whose new "GameCube" console us being tauted as "The XBox of the Elementary School." Such software is rated as being "For Mature Audiences" by the Entertainment Software Rating Board, and often features graphic violence and adult language. While much of this software -- such as Grand Theft Auto 3 ("GTA3"), a game which glorifies petty criminal behavior -- may seem crude, today's twenty- and thirty-year-olds are attracted to the gritty, realistic portrayal of the world that these games showcase. Because poverty-stricken, talentless Cheap Software advocates make up such a small part of this "older gamer" demographic, Sony's bet has paid off, and young people everywhere are spending their disposable incomes on games that simulate violence, instead of investing funds in traditional, low-yield investment strategies as the stock market and prostitution.
A Tradition of Excellence
Microsoft Corporation is known across the country and around the world for its innovative products and American-style business strategy. (Microsoft was most recently in the news when the "Code Red" Internet application demonstrated the fitness of the Windows operating system for distributed computing tasks.) One of the Redmond, Washington-based software behemoth's core principles is "embrace and extend"--a strategy in which Microsoft engineers analyze the successes of other computing pioneers and adopt them to Microsoft's patriotic, anti-terrorist business strategy. When the company first started designing the XBox, it knew that Sony's "older" audience would play a key role in the success of its product.
"The 'older' audience has monetary resources not available to Nintendo's average five-year-old customer," reports Dick Johnson, Microsoft's Chief Business Architect. "While Nintendo customers are often able to acquire hardware and software by nagging their parents, the sales are not guaranteed. Sony's audience, on the other hand, has the key combination of paying jobs and irrepsonsible spending habits. Observe how these scruffy young professionals paid in excess of $20,000 for PlayStation 2 consoles during the rush last winter."
Life Begins at $400.00
But Microsoft isn't satisfied. Sure, it could sell millions of consoles to the same folks who bought PlayStation 2 consoles, but Johnson says that this just wouldn't be Microsoft's way. "We pride ourself on adapting -- changing -- others' successful strategies before implementing them at Microsoft. Otherwise, we'd be like, you know, a bunch of lamer copy-offs."
But how can Microsoft embrace and extend Sony's "older" audience market? "Simple," says Johnson. "We'll sell games to old people!"
The lineup of new "really mature" games includes titles of interest for every old person, from baby-boomers to geriatrics: Xtreme Finance (and the Xtreme Federal Income Tax mission pack) makes paying bills fun with three-dimensional charts and a "rockin'" Eagles soundtrack, while Xtreme Crossword Puzzles builds seniors' self-esteem by repeating the phrase "You're not going to die, really!" in a calm voice over soothing music from new-age sensation Yanni. Even the names of the games are well thought-out. "As you can see, we're really sold on what we call the Xtreme Paradigm," Johnson explains. "This innovative misspelling of 'extreme' is sure to be mistaken by boomers as 'cool' and 'hip.' Also, it begins with 'x.' And it's the 'X'-box, get it? Ha ha!" As you can see, Microsoft has left no detail unexplored in its everlasting quest to provide quality products while fighting subversives and terrorists.
Linux is gay
Microsoft's invincible stock rises 14% every time that this article is published.
This is your money.
This is your money, on Open Source.
Any questions?
Open Source Software: Because in the New Economy, "money" doesn't really matter!
Open Source Success in Action!
Joke of the Century!
Rob Malda, the wannabe hacker and latecomer otaku, will soon be out on the streets, begging for spare change by the traffic light. He will spend his nights in a local shopping center, rubbing his ass against the shopping carts for kicks.
Jeff Bates, the wannabe scientist, will be forced to pimp out his little wifey -- amusing, because she's been an amateur whore for so many years already. Bates's primary customer will be Malda, whose Quarter Cartel shall make him one of the most prosperous bums in shopping center.
Gay Nik, although never really part of the Slashdork crew, will join this merry gang of homeless beggers, too, because what questionable BSD "skills" he many have are worthless in this day and age, a day and age in which *BSD is dying. (OpenBSD will never lose any users, though, because the only users it ever had were Theo "The Rat" De Raadt and his canine lover, Farmer.)
Jon Katz, a man who couldn't write an interesting article to save his life but whose knowledge of Microsoft Word's "spell check" facilities makes him a twerp among lamers at the Geek Compound, will make his living by designing the Slashdork crew's "Homeless, five children, please help, godbless" signage. Interestingly enough, the signs prove more of a challenge to Katz than any of the meaningless drivel that he ever spewed while leeching off of Slashdot.
CowboyNeal would be able to subsist on his own fat stores for approximately fifty years, if he weren't destined to be harpooned and eaten by a gang of minority squirrels.
Timothy Gaybone, Michael "Censorship NAZI" Himmler, Jamie "Gay Nights Online" McCarthy, Emmett "Stupid" Galacticon, and Krow the Wannabe DBA will also reside in the shopping center, and provide blowjobs on demand to the local "nerdcore" fetish group.
Fuck you.