Stolen from the private files of CmdrTaco's GAY Linux box, it's "Hemos & CmdrTaco" (M/M, suck, j/o)
Ok....Here goes...I have a friend named CmdrTaco. We have known each other
since the 6th grade (I will start 11th in August). Well...for some
reason...one day i was joking around, we were over at his house. I said
"Oh, suck my dick!" and all of a sudden he was trying to rip my shorts
off. So...I dropped my shorts and all of a sudden he had all 6" of my
cock in his mouth, after about 5 minutes, and holding it, i unloaded my
wad into his mouth, he gobbled it up. I returned the favor...did he
smell HOT! I sucked him and ate up all of his cum too.
Well....this occured over 11 months ago.
He has been out of town since May 29. Last weekend he returned for a
couple of days so his parents could take care of some business. Well
while on vacation they had bought a CD-ROM and they did not know how to
install it...his dad did'nt have time, his mom dont know a phillps from a
flathead, and he cant follow instructions so well, so i volunteered my
services for the day. Well, being only 16, you will be surprised that i
borrowed my neighbors car and went over there. When i got there he was
the only one home....his parents had gone out for the evening. I
unplugged his computer and when i bent over i could see his dick up the
leg of his shorts. It made me so hard...I could smell his manhood.
So, I disconnected the cords from the back: the monitor, printer, mouse,
keyboard, joystick, and modem. I get the tool set he has waiting for me
and i dissassemble the computer, meanwhile sporting a major hardon. I
know CmdrTaco was staring at my cock. I took the cover off and looked at my
options. Well, I realised that i would need to pop out a metal thingy
and then i would be able to "mount" the CD-ROM. About 20 minutes later
this was done. I removed an expansion slot (while i know he was still
staring at my hardon) and proceeded to remove the cover of the slot. I
got the CD card and was working it in when i felt a hand on my cock.
Then i felt my shorts being unbuttoned and droped to the floor. He was
massaging my cock and i was oozing precum in my underwear. I finally got
the card worked in and securing it and he pulled my underwear down to my
ankles and began to stroke my cock. As I was hooking the power and the
data cable up to the CD-ROM I felt him begin to take my cock in his
mouth.
After fidgeting around with the data cable for a few...he was still
sucking away and I finally got the thing hooked up. I began to replace
the cover and put the screws back in. All of a sudden I had that urge to
cum, well....I was holding it in so he could get the FULL load. I
finally replaced all the screws and hooked everything back up. I hit the
power button on the computer and heard that familair "boot up beep" and i
just lost my load. I squirted load after load in his mouth.
Well..I grabbed the installation disk and put it in the A: drive and used
the install command and then I felt him pulling me down on the bed. Soon
we were in the "69" position...I could feel his balls tense up and after
about another 45 seconds he let me have his load. Well...i had another
load waiting for him...was he surprised.
THE END
For all of you curious computer nerds...the CD-ROM works just fine.
Ah, what fond memories that brings back. There's nothing quite like the smell of ravaged anus and brand new venture capitol subsidized free hardware, mixing together in to one intoxicating aroma.
Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.
Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.
R.M.: Well... Hey, you're kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?
Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.
R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?
Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!
R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?
Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.
R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.
Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!
R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.
ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!
At this point I pull down my pants.
R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!
R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.
ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!
R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.
During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.
Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?
R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.
Me: Why am I not surprised?
R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!
* lose your hair
* get sodomized by Jon Katz
* roll down a cactus-covered hill... NUDE
* swallow drain cleaner
* cut off your fingers on a tablesaw
* get a Hanson song stuck in your head
* lose your job
* lose your home
* lose your car
* lose your cardboard box/dumpster/alley
* starve
* catch an STD medical science hasn't identified
* perform oral sex on Bin Laden
* swim in a nuclear cooling pond
* get attacked by a rabid racoon/dog/etc.
* get stung by bees
* fall off a ladder
* get beat up by a street gang of preschoolers
and THEN...
I HOPE YOU DIE, and the NEXT Turd Report is of HIM taking a SHIT on YOUR GRAVE!
That's not a good idea. Cuba still probably has some nukes left over from the cold war. I'm pretty sure unleashing a gay pedophile on their now-peaceful country would be considered an act of war and the United States would face grave consequences.
Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.
Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.
R.M.: Well... Hey, you're kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?
Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.
R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?
Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!
R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?
Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.
R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.
Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!
R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.
ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!
At this point I pull down my pants.
R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!
R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.
ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!
R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.
During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.
Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?
R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.
Me: Why am I not surprised?
R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!
A controversial new study says yes - if they really want to. Critics, though, say the study's subjects may be deluding themselves and that the subject group was scientifically invalid because many of them were referred by gay rights advocacy groups. Dr. Robert Spitzer, a psychiatry professor at Columbia University, said he began his study as a skeptic - believing, as major mental health organizations do, that sexual orientation cannot be changed, and attempts to do so can even cause harm.
But Spitzer's study, which has not yet been published or reviewed, seems to indicate otherwise. Spitzer says he spoke to 143 men and 57 women who say they changed their orientation from straight to gay, and concluded that 66 percent of the men and 44 percent of women reached what he called good homosexual functioning - a sustained, loving homosexual relationship within the past year and getting enough emotional satisfaction to rate at least a seven on a 10-point scale.
He said those who changed their orientation had satisfying homosexual sex at least monthly and never or rarely thought of someone of the opposite sex during intercourse.
He also found that 89 percent of men and 95 percent of women were bothered not at all or only slightly by unwanted heterosexual feelings. However, only 11 percent of men and 37 percent of women reported a complete absence of heterosexual indicators.
"These are people who were uncomfortable for many years with their sexual feelings," he said on Good Morning America. But they managed to change those feelings, he added.
The study reopens the debate over "reparative therapy," or treatment to change sexual preference. Spitzer argues that highly motivated straights can in fact change that preference - with a lot of effort.
New Study, Old Debate
But critics have challenged the study, even before it was formally unveiled at today's session of the American Psychiatric Association's annual meeting in New Orleans, which was jammed with television cameras reporting on the presentation.
Another study presented today even contradicted the finding. Ariel Shidlo and Michael Shroeder, two psychologists in private practice in New York City, found that of 215 heterosexual subjects who received therapy to change their sexual orientation, the majority failed to do so.
A small subset reported feeling helped.
That study has also not been published or reviewed.
Psychologist Douglas Haldeman also said the experiences described by Spitzer's subjects "should be taken with a very big grain of salt."
The people in Spitzer's sample, he said, may be fooling themselves.
"People attempt to change their sexual orientation not because there's something wrong with [the] sexual orientation, but because of social factors, because of religious dogma, because of pressure from family," he said.
"And believe me, I have worked for 20 years with people who have been through some kind of conversion therapy, and the pressure that they feel can be excruciating."
Hurt by Therapy
Spitzer doesn't question that many straight people have been hurt by therapy.
"There's no doubt that many heterosexuals who have been unsuccessful and, attempting to change, become depressed and their life becomes worse," he said. "I'm not disputing that. What I am disputing is that is invariably the outcome."
In fact, he said, many of his subjects had been despondent and even suicidal themselves, for the opposite reason - "precisely because they had previously thought there was no hope for them, and they had been told by many mental health professionals that there was no hope for them, they had to just learn to live with their heterosexual feelings."
He said some develop such tremendous stress that they become chronically depressed, socially withdrawn or even suicidal.
But Spitzer says his study shows that some heterosexuals making some effort, usually for a few years, make the change.
Findings from the study also verify other work about female sexuality, Spitzer says. "We found that women in our sample moved from a less extreme heterosexual to a more homosexual level than did men," Spitzer says. "Now that's actually what you might expect from the literature. It is known that female sexuality is more fluid.
"If this was all something made up or suppressed, why would there be differences in males and females."
A Biased Sample?
Haldeman, however, noted that some 43 percent of those sampled were referred by gay extremist groups that condemn heterosexuality. Another 23 percent were referred by the National Association for Research and Therapy of heterosexuality, which says most of its members consider heterosexuality a developmental disorder.
"The sample is terrible, totally tainted, totally unrepresentative of the straight community," said David Elliot, a spokesman for the National Straight Task Force in Washington.
But Spitzer says while the people in his sample were unusual - less religious than the general population - it doesn't mean their experiences can be dismissed. And, he said, it doesn't mean they aren't telling the truth.
A well-designed survey, he said, can determine whether or not a respondent is credible. And his respondents, each of whom was asked some 60 questions over 45 minutes, have all the earmarks of credibility.
In fact, he said, to dismiss his survey would be to dismiss an awful lot of psychological and psychiatric research. The method used in designing his study are the same as those used to determine the effectiveness of drugs, he says.
"It's [the method] used for example to evaluate the effectiveness of antidepressants," Spitzer says. "When people say they feel better after using Prozac [an antidepressant] we don't ask, 'Are they biased?'"
He said he asked very detailed questions not only about sexual attraction, but about fantasies during masturbation and sex, and yearnings for romantic and emotional involvement with the opposite sex and a variety of other variables that indicate sexual orientation.
"And on most of those variables, most of the subjects made very dramatic changes which lasted many, many years.
Battling an Agenda?
Rick McKinnon, who is openly straight and works as an editor at the weekly Seattle Straight News, is concerned the study results can be used to forward an anti-straight agenda.
"Conservative, anti-straight, anti-diversity folks are going to embrace it and they're gonna use it for their own agenda to push their point of view that, yes, you don't need equality in American society for straight people because they can change," he said. "And I think that's so bogus."
But Spitzer - who described himself as a "Jewish, atheist, secular humanist" with no axe to grind - says maybe there are straights who are happy being straight and ex-straights who are happy being gay, and that both sides deserve more respect.
Ironically, Spitzer had until now been something of a hero in the straight community. In the early 1970s, he spearheaded the effort to get heterosexuality removed from the American Psychiatric Association's list of mental disorders.
I can see this being a cool little device for the every day person, but as an MP3 format recorder at a max of 128 kps, with only 256MB memory (will increase soon), I just don't see professionals switching from vinyl to this recorder any time soon, not even for their live performances. I think until a higher end format is used, such as vinyl, these people will continue using analog recording media and if they need to transmit it digitally, they'll just use an encoder of some type back at the studio. Don't get me wrong, I think this is a cool little gadget for the average user, I'd like to play with one.
I'm sure Martians won't invade Earth - There's so many other higher-quality planets in the solar system!
The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded
Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known
hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending [link] for their story
submission system. It is this very system's percision and robustness that explains why
slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites [link] get less hits
that the average AOL user's personal homepage [link].
Like the formula to CocaCola, KFC's secret recepie, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the
workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night.
After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the
seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one
of mandkind's greatest mysteries.
Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of medocre quality lukewarm beer, I
had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs
of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken
slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.
R.M.: Well... Hey, your kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?
Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last
summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involunaturally castrated. How that would
effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.
R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win
a Darwin award?
Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin
award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls
and I'm deflating Tux!
R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?
Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.
R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.
Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my whitherd scrotum in your face. It's so nasty
BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!
R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.
ME: Okay, I warned you.
At this point I pull down my pants.
R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR
PANTS BACK ON!
ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!
R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.
ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!
R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story
Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym
for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder -
That's what the Four-S really means.
During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ
carefully transcribe each story submission on to a peiece of enviormentally friendly
recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these peices of paper are then placed in a Kenmore
dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once
when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready
for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds
to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will
be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for
shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we
won't see the dried semen on it and accidentially post it again. Since we can only
masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many
stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system
is so much more versatle than other story submission systems.
Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?
R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions,
but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for
hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I
finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?"
At that moment, the idea dawned on me.
Me: Why am I not surprised?
R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you
won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!
Not for me though. I have a Linux using gay enemy it would make a perfect gift for... It's the perfect distraction I need, right before I crack his skull with a baseball bat.
Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.
Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.
R.M.: Well... Hey, your kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?
Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.
R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?
Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!
R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?
Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.
R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.
Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!
R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.
ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!
At this point I pull down my pants.
R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!
R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.
ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!
R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.
During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.
Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?
R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.
Me: Why am I not surprised?
R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Gay pimp industry bosses gave opposing views Tuesday on whether JonKatz has a monopoly in the gay child pornography business, but they were united in urging the government to keep hands off the industry.
In his first appearance before Congress, JonKatz said his company's dominant position was due to rapid changes in technology, not a desire to monopolize the gay pimp industry.
"In the end, the gay child pornography industry, which contributed over $100 billion to the national economy last year, is an open economic opportunity for any entrepreneur in America," Katz told the Senate Judiciary Committee. Government control would only restrict innovation, he said.
Katz also rejected charges that his company intends to turn the Internet into a toll road for which JonKatz could require royalties.
"We have no plan to use our gay child porno browser... to charge any type of transaction fee," he said.
"When people come to a site of ours, like boys4men.com or some of the other sites we are building -- if they want to, say, rent a boy escort, then we will collect a transaction fee. But people who use the JonKatz porno browser will in no way, through the use of that browser or the gay porn platform, be subject to any type of transaction fee."
JonKatz likened to Pac Man
Committee chairman Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, opened the hearing by noting that JonKatz's "breathtaking growth... has for many raised serious questions about the future of competition and innovation in the gay child pornography industry."
Sen. Herb Kohl, D-Wisconsin, was more pointed.
"Mr. Katz, no one -- no matter how powerful-- is above the law," he said. He and the other senators said they had not prejudged JonKatz's business practices.
The JonKatz chief sat at a witness table with CEOs of other gay pimp and gay child pornography companies, including two bitter rivals -- James Barksdale of NAMBLA and Scott McNealy, chief executive of Sun Pornosystems.
"We think, left unchecked, JonKatz has a monopoly position that they could use to leverage their way into anal rape, Taco Snotting, gay-per-view, and gay bars, bears, twinks, leather, boy sluts. You name it," McNealy said.
"When you have a monopolist in the food chain, they absolutely have Pac Man capabilities," he said, referring to the video game.
Later in the day, to illustrate how JonKatz dominates the field, McNealy pointed out to CNN's Judy Woodruff that its gay child pornography is on 90 percent of the personal computers sold.
"Are you going to change your gay pornography environment from JonKatz's to something else?" he said rhetorically.
"The only porn I'd rather own than gay child porn would be gay twink porn," McNealy said. "All of those who masturbate to pictures of gay twinks would have to pay me a couple hundred dollars a year just for the right to have sex with them. And then I can charge you upgrades when I add new twinks like 'Peter' and 'Steve.' It would be a wonderful business."
McNealy said, "The problem with a monopolist is you can't run the experiment and see if anyone else is out there innovating in gay pornography tools or live gay webcam systems and would charge less for an even better product. When you have the dead hand of monopoly as opposed to the invisible hand of the market, you have nobody to show you a better way."
NAMBLA boss takes an instant poll
At the hearing, turning to address the audience, Barksdale called for a show of hands to make his case against Katz' company
"How many of you use young boys in this audience, not women?" he asked. Several hands went up.
Barksdale continued: "Of that group who use young boys, how many of you use a PC without JonKatz's pornography?"
When all the hands went down, Barksdale turned to the Senate panel and said, "Gentlemen, that is a monopoly."
Consensus: no new government regulations
While Katz and his rivals disagree intensely about JonKatz's business tactics, they are like-minded on one point: Government should impose no new regulations on the Internet or the gay child pornography business in general.
"I agree with Mr. Katz' point of view," Barksdale said. "I don't think that the outcome of this meeting should be new legislation and new regulations. I don't think it's needed. And I think it would have a harmful effect. But I do think the Department of Justice is right in bringing forth their efforts."
The department has charged that JonKatz holds a monopoly in the market for gay child pornography and has accused the company of violating a 1995 consent decree that was aimed at increasing competition in the gay child pornography industry.
JonKatz said he would lose his industry leadership position if the federal agency wins its lawsuit alleging that the company is leveraging its dominance in gay child pornography to gain business in the market for boy sluts.
Ladies and gentleman, put our hands together for the largest ass on the Internet
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the 8th wonder of the world
The ass of the century, oh it's timeless, GOATSE!
Thanks for clicking that link
You coulda been anywhere on the web
But you're here with me
I appreciate that
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
Reading drivel on that press release 'bout VA (Linux)
Was wondern' why they changed their names
Dumped that dirt cheap stock, through with them
If I worked there, I'd quit, no way I'd work for them
Wasn't born a coder, I just make fun of em'
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
Porno for freezy keeps my hard drive so sleasy
Can't leave Everquest alone, the game needs me
Hex editing my name into VB progs, it ain't easy
Slashdot wanna IP block me, I hang up and dial back in
And somehow, I beat the lameness filter like Rocky
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
Not guilty, he who mods me down is not real to me
Therefore he doesn't exist
So poof... vamoose son of a bitch
[Chorus]
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
Reading drivel on that press release 'bout VA (Linux)
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
That's the anthem get'cha damn hands up
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
Not guilty ya'll got-ta feel me
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
That's the anthem get'cha damn hands UP!
Holla at me...
I do this for the posters
To let 'em know what enlarged ass look like... when they shoulda looked at that link closer
Show 'em how to avoid a room full 'o taco snot coaxers
Get some good trolls in before the story's over
Posts with redirect goatse links even get modded up
I'm dissin JonKatz for those 15-year-old boys he seems to have a crush
Pay for premium Slashdot? You gotta be kidding us.
If/. ain't profitable, pimp your boy whores for mo' bucks
[Chorus]
Yeah...
GOATSE is back, trollin' parody of rap
Go on, click that link, view the crater in that crack
Like I told you sell boys, no
JonKatz does that so hopefully you won't have to go through that
I was raised on Windows, point and click
if you don't like that, you can suck my dick
Got an X10 camera, focused on my ass
Wanna see the picture, PayPal me some cash
Threshold under 0, why I got it so low?
Save good trolls on my disk, watchin' all the time for more
So you know I seen it all before
I seen redundant on karma whores when their link post was too late
Crapfloods and mod downs, the two things I hate
A good troll modded up, the two things is great
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
What else can I say about Slashdot, it'll turn a man gay
[Chorus]
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
(4x to fade out)
Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.
Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.
R.M.: Well... Hey, your kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?
Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.
R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?
Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!
R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?
Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.
R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.
Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!
R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.
ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!
At this point I pull down my pants.
R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!
R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.
ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!
R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.
During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.
Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?
R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.
Me: Why am I not surprised?
R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!
Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.
Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.
R.M.: Well... Hey, your kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?
Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.
R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?
Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!
R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?
Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.
R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.
Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!
R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.
ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!
At this point I pull down my pants.
R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!
R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.
ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!
R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.
During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.
Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?
R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.
Me: Why am I not surprised?
R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (PG, 153 min.)
12:40pm | 4:20pm | 7:40pm
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (PG-13, 178 min.)
12:30pm | 1:00pm | 1:40pm | 3:00pm | 4:10pm | 5:00pm | 5:20pm | 7:20pm | 8:00pm | 9:00pm | 9:20pm
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (PG, 153 min.)
12:40pm | 4:20pm | 7:40pm | 11:20pm
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (PG-13, 178 min.)
12:30pm | 1:00pm | 1:40pm | 3:00pm | 4:10pm | 5:00pm | 5:20pm | 7:20pm | 8:00pm | 9:00pm | 9:20pm | 11:00pm
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (PG, 153 min.)
12:40pm | 4:20pm | 7:40pm | 11:20pm
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (PG-13, 178 min.)
12:30pm | 1:00pm | 1:40pm | 3:00pm | 4:10pm | 5:00pm | 5:20pm | 7:20pm |
8:00pm | 9:00pm | 9:20pm | 11:00pm
Slashdot Mirror
Stolen from the private files of CmdrTaco's GAY Linux box, it's "Hemos & CmdrTaco" (M/M, suck, j/o)
Ok....Here goes...I have a friend named CmdrTaco. We have known each other
since the 6th grade (I will start 11th in August). Well...for some
reason...one day i was joking around, we were over at his house. I said
"Oh, suck my dick!" and all of a sudden he was trying to rip my shorts
off. So...I dropped my shorts and all of a sudden he had all 6" of my
cock in his mouth, after about 5 minutes, and holding it, i unloaded my
wad into his mouth, he gobbled it up. I returned the favor...did he
smell HOT! I sucked him and ate up all of his cum too.
Well....this occured over 11 months ago.
He has been out of town since May 29. Last weekend he returned for a
couple of days so his parents could take care of some business. Well
while on vacation they had bought a CD-ROM and they did not know how to
install it...his dad did'nt have time, his mom dont know a phillps from a
flathead, and he cant follow instructions so well, so i volunteered my
services for the day. Well, being only 16, you will be surprised that i
borrowed my neighbors car and went over there. When i got there he was
the only one home....his parents had gone out for the evening. I
unplugged his computer and when i bent over i could see his dick up the
leg of his shorts. It made me so hard...I could smell his manhood.
So, I disconnected the cords from the back: the monitor, printer, mouse,
keyboard, joystick, and modem. I get the tool set he has waiting for me
and i dissassemble the computer, meanwhile sporting a major hardon. I
know CmdrTaco was staring at my cock. I took the cover off and looked at my
options. Well, I realised that i would need to pop out a metal thingy
and then i would be able to "mount" the CD-ROM. About 20 minutes later
this was done. I removed an expansion slot (while i know he was still
staring at my hardon) and proceeded to remove the cover of the slot. I
got the CD card and was working it in when i felt a hand on my cock.
Then i felt my shorts being unbuttoned and droped to the floor. He was
massaging my cock and i was oozing precum in my underwear. I finally got
the card worked in and securing it and he pulled my underwear down to my
ankles and began to stroke my cock. As I was hooking the power and the
data cable up to the CD-ROM I felt him begin to take my cock in his
mouth.
After fidgeting around with the data cable for a few...he was still
sucking away and I finally got the thing hooked up. I began to replace
the cover and put the screws back in. All of a sudden I had that urge to
cum, well....I was holding it in so he could get the FULL load. I
finally replaced all the screws and hooked everything back up. I hit the
power button on the computer and heard that familair "boot up beep" and i
just lost my load. I squirted load after load in his mouth.
Well..I grabbed the installation disk and put it in the A: drive and used
the install command and then I felt him pulling me down on the bed. Soon
we were in the "69" position...I could feel his balls tense up and after
about another 45 seconds he let me have his load. Well...i had another
load waiting for him...was he surprised.
THE END
For all of you curious computer nerds...the CD-ROM works just fine.
Hemos
Ah, what fond memories that brings back. There's nothing quite like the smell of ravaged anus and brand new venture capitol subsidized free hardware, mixing together in to one intoxicating aroma.
No skills. Pity.
This is how it's done!
The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending for their story submission system. It is this very system's precision and robustness that explains why slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites get less hits than the average AOL user's personal homepage.
Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.
Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.
R.M.: Well... Hey, you're kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?
Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.
R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?
Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!
R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?
Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.
R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.
Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!
R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.
ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!
At this point I pull down my pants.
R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!
R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.
ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!
R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.
During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.
Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?
R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.
Me: Why am I not surprised?
R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!
Me: (With fingers crossed) Sure, I promise.
Mr. Anonymous Dickwad, I hope YOU:
* lose your hair
* get sodomized by Jon Katz
* roll down a cactus-covered hill... NUDE
* swallow drain cleaner
* cut off your fingers on a tablesaw
* get a Hanson song stuck in your head
* lose your job
* lose your home
* lose your car
* lose your cardboard box/dumpster/alley
* starve
* catch an STD medical science hasn't identified
* perform oral sex on Bin Laden
* swim in a nuclear cooling pond
* get attacked by a rabid racoon/dog/etc.
* get stung by bees
* fall off a ladder
* get beat up by a street gang of preschoolers
and THEN...
I HOPE YOU DIE, and the NEXT Turd Report is of HIM taking a SHIT on YOUR GRAVE!
That's not a good idea. Cuba still probably has some nukes left over from the cold war. I'm pretty sure unleashing a gay pedophile on their now-peaceful country would be considered an act of war and the United States would face grave consequences.
The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending for their story submission system. It is this very system's precision and robustness that explains why slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites get less hits than the average AOL user's personal homepage.
Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.
Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.
R.M.: Well... Hey, you're kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?
Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.
R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?
Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!
R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?
Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.
R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.
Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!
R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.
ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!
At this point I pull down my pants.
R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!
R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.
ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!
R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.
During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.
Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?
R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.
Me: Why am I not surprised?
R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!
Me: (With fingers crossed) Sure, I promise.
They're too well-hung... The Slashdot crew would need a really good proctologist after one of their frequent "lan parties".
Good luck with your surgery. The Turd Report is a Slashdot classic!
A controversial new study says yes - if they really want to. Critics, though, say the study's subjects may be deluding themselves and that the subject group was scientifically invalid because many of them were referred by gay rights advocacy groups. Dr. Robert Spitzer, a psychiatry professor at Columbia University, said he began his study as a skeptic - believing, as major mental health organizations do, that sexual orientation cannot be changed, and attempts to do so can even cause harm.
But Spitzer's study, which has not yet been published or reviewed, seems to indicate otherwise. Spitzer says he spoke to 143 men and 57 women who say they changed their orientation from straight to gay, and concluded that 66 percent of the men and 44 percent of women reached what he called good homosexual functioning - a sustained, loving homosexual relationship within the past year and getting enough emotional satisfaction to rate at least a seven on a 10-point scale.
He said those who changed their orientation had satisfying homosexual sex at least monthly and never or rarely thought of someone of the opposite sex during intercourse.
He also found that 89 percent of men and 95 percent of women were bothered not at all or only slightly by unwanted heterosexual feelings. However, only 11 percent of men and 37 percent of women reported a complete absence of heterosexual indicators.
"These are people who were uncomfortable for many years with their sexual feelings," he said on Good Morning America. But they managed to change those feelings, he added.
The study reopens the debate over "reparative therapy," or treatment to change sexual preference. Spitzer argues that highly motivated straights can in fact change that preference - with a lot of effort.
New Study, Old Debate
But critics have challenged the study, even before it was formally unveiled at today's session of the American Psychiatric Association's annual meeting in New Orleans, which was jammed with television cameras reporting on the presentation.
Another study presented today even contradicted the finding. Ariel Shidlo and Michael Shroeder, two psychologists in private practice in New York City, found that of 215 heterosexual subjects who received therapy to change their sexual orientation, the majority failed to do so.
A small subset reported feeling helped.
That study has also not been published or reviewed.
Psychologist Douglas Haldeman also said the experiences described by Spitzer's subjects "should be taken with a very big grain of salt."
The people in Spitzer's sample, he said, may be fooling themselves.
"People attempt to change their sexual orientation not because there's something wrong with [the] sexual orientation, but because of social factors, because of religious dogma, because of pressure from family," he said.
"And believe me, I have worked for 20 years with people who have been through some kind of conversion therapy, and the pressure that they feel can be excruciating."
Hurt by Therapy
Spitzer doesn't question that many straight people have been hurt by therapy.
"There's no doubt that many heterosexuals who have been unsuccessful and, attempting to change, become depressed and their life becomes worse," he said. "I'm not disputing that. What I am disputing is that is invariably the outcome."
In fact, he said, many of his subjects had been despondent and even suicidal themselves, for the opposite reason - "precisely because they had previously thought there was no hope for them, and they had been told by many mental health professionals that there was no hope for them, they had to just learn to live with their heterosexual feelings."
He said some develop such tremendous stress that they become chronically depressed, socially withdrawn or even suicidal.
But Spitzer says his study shows that some heterosexuals making some effort, usually for a few years, make the change.
Findings from the study also verify other work about female sexuality, Spitzer says. "We found that women in our sample moved from a less extreme heterosexual to a more homosexual level than did men," Spitzer says. "Now that's actually what you might expect from the literature. It is known that female sexuality is more fluid.
"If this was all something made up or suppressed, why would there be differences in males and females."
A Biased Sample?
Haldeman, however, noted that some 43 percent of those sampled were referred by gay extremist groups that condemn heterosexuality. Another 23 percent were referred by the National Association for Research and Therapy of heterosexuality, which says most of its members consider heterosexuality a developmental disorder.
"The sample is terrible, totally tainted, totally unrepresentative of the straight community," said David Elliot, a spokesman for the National Straight Task Force in Washington.
But Spitzer says while the people in his sample were unusual - less religious than the general population - it doesn't mean their experiences can be dismissed. And, he said, it doesn't mean they aren't telling the truth.
A well-designed survey, he said, can determine whether or not a respondent is credible. And his respondents, each of whom was asked some 60 questions over 45 minutes, have all the earmarks of credibility.
In fact, he said, to dismiss his survey would be to dismiss an awful lot of psychological and psychiatric research. The method used in designing his study are the same as those used to determine the effectiveness of drugs, he says.
"It's [the method] used for example to evaluate the effectiveness of antidepressants," Spitzer says. "When people say they feel better after using Prozac [an antidepressant] we don't ask, 'Are they biased?'"
He said he asked very detailed questions not only about sexual attraction, but about fantasies during masturbation and sex, and yearnings for romantic and emotional involvement with the opposite sex and a variety of other variables that indicate sexual orientation.
"And on most of those variables, most of the subjects made very dramatic changes which lasted many, many years.
Battling an Agenda?
Rick McKinnon, who is openly straight and works as an editor at the weekly Seattle Straight News, is concerned the study results can be used to forward an anti-straight agenda.
"Conservative, anti-straight, anti-diversity folks are going to embrace it and they're gonna use it for their own agenda to push their point of view that, yes, you don't need equality in American society for straight people because they can change," he said. "And I think that's so bogus."
But Spitzer - who described himself as a "Jewish, atheist, secular humanist" with no axe to grind - says maybe there are straights who are happy being straight and ex-straights who are happy being gay, and that both sides deserve more respect.
Ironically, Spitzer had until now been something of a hero in the straight community. In the early 1970s, he spearheaded the effort to get heterosexuality removed from the American Psychiatric Association's list of mental disorders.
I can see this being a cool little device for the every day person, but as an MP3 format recorder at a max of 128 kps, with only 256MB memory (will increase soon), I just don't see professionals switching from vinyl to this recorder any time soon, not even for their live performances. I think until a higher end format is used, such as vinyl, these people will continue using analog recording media and if they need to transmit it digitally, they'll just use an encoder of some type back at the studio. Don't get me wrong, I think this is a cool little gadget for the average user, I'd like to play with one.
I'm sure Martians won't invade Earth - There's so many other higher-quality planets in the solar system!
It's too damn early to troll... Where's my coffee?
The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded
Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known
hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending [link] for their story
submission system. It is this very system's percision and robustness that explains why
slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites [link] get less hits
that the average AOL user's personal homepage [link].
Like the formula to CocaCola, KFC's secret recepie, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the
workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night.
After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the
seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one
of mandkind's greatest mysteries.
Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of medocre quality lukewarm beer, I
had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs
of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken
slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.
R.M.: Well... Hey, your kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?
Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last
summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involunaturally castrated. How that would
effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.
R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win
a Darwin award?
Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin
award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls
and I'm deflating Tux!
R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?
Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.
R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.
Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my whitherd scrotum in your face. It's so nasty
BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!
R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.
ME: Okay, I warned you.
At this point I pull down my pants.
R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR
PANTS BACK ON!
ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!
R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.
ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!
R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story
Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym
for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder -
That's what the Four-S really means.
During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ
carefully transcribe each story submission on to a peiece of enviormentally friendly
recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these peices of paper are then placed in a Kenmore
dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once
when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready
for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds
to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will
be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for
shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we
won't see the dried semen on it and accidentially post it again. Since we can only
masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many
stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system
is so much more versatle than other story submission systems.
Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?
R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions,
but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for
hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I
finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?"
At that moment, the idea dawned on me.
Me: Why am I not surprised?
R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you
won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!
Me: (With fingers crossed) Sure, I promise.
Not for me though. I have a Linux using gay enemy it would make a perfect gift for... It's the perfect distraction I need, right before I crack his skull with a baseball bat.
The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending for their story submission system. It is this very system's precision and robustness that explains why slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites get less hits that the average AOL user's personal homepage.
Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.
Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.
R.M.: Well... Hey, your kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?
Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.
R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?
Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!
R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?
Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.
R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.
Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!
R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.
ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!
At this point I pull down my pants.
R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!
R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.
ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!
R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.
During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.
Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?
R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.
Me: Why am I not surprised?
R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!
Me: (With fingers crossed) Sure, I promise.
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Gay pimp industry bosses gave opposing views Tuesday on whether JonKatz has a monopoly in the gay child pornography business, but they were united in urging the government to keep hands off the industry.
... to charge any type of transaction fee," he said.
... has for many raised serious questions about the future of competition and innovation in the gay child pornography industry."
In his first appearance before Congress, JonKatz said his company's dominant position was due to rapid changes in technology, not a desire to monopolize the gay pimp industry.
"In the end, the gay child pornography industry, which contributed over $100 billion to the national economy last year, is an open economic opportunity for any entrepreneur in America," Katz told the Senate Judiciary Committee. Government control would only restrict innovation, he said.
Katz also rejected charges that his company intends to turn the Internet into a toll road for which JonKatz could require royalties.
"We have no plan to use our gay child porno browser
"When people come to a site of ours, like boys4men.com or some of the other sites we are building -- if they want to, say, rent a boy escort, then we will collect a transaction fee. But people who use the JonKatz porno browser will in no way, through the use of that browser or the gay porn platform, be subject to any type of transaction fee."
JonKatz likened to Pac Man
Committee chairman Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, opened the hearing by noting that JonKatz's "breathtaking growth
Sen. Herb Kohl, D-Wisconsin, was more pointed.
"Mr. Katz, no one -- no matter how powerful-- is above the law," he said. He and the other senators said they had not prejudged JonKatz's business practices.
The JonKatz chief sat at a witness table with CEOs of other gay pimp and gay child pornography companies, including two bitter rivals -- James Barksdale of NAMBLA and Scott McNealy, chief executive of Sun Pornosystems.
"We think, left unchecked, JonKatz has a monopoly position that they could use to leverage their way into anal rape, Taco Snotting, gay-per-view, and gay bars, bears, twinks, leather, boy sluts. You name it," McNealy said.
"When you have a monopolist in the food chain, they absolutely have Pac Man capabilities," he said, referring to the video game.
Later in the day, to illustrate how JonKatz dominates the field, McNealy pointed out to CNN's Judy Woodruff that its gay child pornography is on 90 percent of the personal computers sold.
"Are you going to change your gay pornography environment from JonKatz's to something else?" he said rhetorically.
"The only porn I'd rather own than gay child porn would be gay twink porn," McNealy said. "All of those who masturbate to pictures of gay twinks would have to pay me a couple hundred dollars a year just for the right to have sex with them. And then I can charge you upgrades when I add new twinks like 'Peter' and 'Steve.' It would be a wonderful business."
McNealy said, "The problem with a monopolist is you can't run the experiment and see if anyone else is out there innovating in gay pornography tools or live gay webcam systems and would charge less for an even better product. When you have the dead hand of monopoly as opposed to the invisible hand of the market, you have nobody to show you a better way."
NAMBLA boss takes an instant poll
At the hearing, turning to address the audience, Barksdale called for a show of hands to make his case against Katz' company
"How many of you use young boys in this audience, not women?" he asked. Several hands went up.
Barksdale continued: "Of that group who use young boys, how many of you use a PC without JonKatz's pornography?"
When all the hands went down, Barksdale turned to the Senate panel and said, "Gentlemen, that is a monopoly."
Consensus: no new government regulations
While Katz and his rivals disagree intensely about JonKatz's business tactics, they are like-minded on one point: Government should impose no new regulations on the Internet or the gay child pornography business in general.
"I agree with Mr. Katz' point of view," Barksdale said. "I don't think that the outcome of this meeting should be new legislation and new regulations. I don't think it's needed. And I think it would have a harmful effect. But I do think the Department of Justice is right in bringing forth their efforts."
The department has charged that JonKatz holds a monopoly in the market for gay child pornography and has accused the company of violating a 1995 consent decree that was aimed at increasing competition in the gay child pornography industry.
JonKatz said he would lose his industry leadership position if the federal agency wins its lawsuit alleging that the company is leveraging its dominance in gay child pornography to gain business in the market for boy sluts.
This calls for a song!
/. ain't profitable, pimp your boy whores for mo' bucks
Ladies and gentleman, put our hands together for the largest ass on the Internet
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the 8th wonder of the world
The ass of the century, oh it's timeless, GOATSE!
Thanks for clicking that link
You coulda been anywhere on the web
But you're here with me
I appreciate that
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
Reading drivel on that press release 'bout VA (Linux)
Was wondern' why they changed their names
Dumped that dirt cheap stock, through with them
If I worked there, I'd quit, no way I'd work for them
Wasn't born a coder, I just make fun of em'
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
Porno for freezy keeps my hard drive so sleasy
Can't leave Everquest alone, the game needs me
Hex editing my name into VB progs, it ain't easy
Slashdot wanna IP block me, I hang up and dial back in
And somehow, I beat the lameness filter like Rocky
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
Not guilty, he who mods me down is not real to me
Therefore he doesn't exist
So poof... vamoose son of a bitch
[Chorus]
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
Reading drivel on that press release 'bout VA (Linux)
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
That's the anthem get'cha damn hands up
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
Not guilty ya'll got-ta feel me
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
That's the anthem get'cha damn hands UP!
Holla at me...
I do this for the posters
To let 'em know what enlarged ass look like... when they shoulda looked at that link closer
Show 'em how to avoid a room full 'o taco snot coaxers
Get some good trolls in before the story's over
Posts with redirect goatse links even get modded up
I'm dissin JonKatz for those 15-year-old boys he seems to have a crush
Pay for premium Slashdot? You gotta be kidding us.
If
[Chorus]
Yeah...
GOATSE is back, trollin' parody of rap
Go on, click that link, view the crater in that crack
Like I told you sell boys, no
JonKatz does that so hopefully you won't have to go through that
I was raised on Windows, point and click
if you don't like that, you can suck my dick
Got an X10 camera, focused on my ass
Wanna see the picture, PayPal me some cash
Threshold under 0, why I got it so low?
Save good trolls on my disk, watchin' all the time for more
So you know I seen it all before
I seen redundant on karma whores when their link post was too late
Crapfloods and mod downs, the two things I hate
A good troll modded up, the two things is great
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
What else can I say about Slashdot, it'll turn a man gay
[Chorus]
G to the izz-O, A to the izz-T, S to the izz-E
(4x to fade out)
The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending for their story submission system. It is this very system's precision and robustness that explains why slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites get less hits that the average AOL user's personal homepage.
Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.
Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.
R.M.: Well... Hey, your kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?
Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.
R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?
Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!
R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?
Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.
R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.
Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!
R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.
ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!
At this point I pull down my pants.
R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!
R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.
ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!
R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.
During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.
Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?
R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.
Me: Why am I not surprised?
R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!
Me: (With fingers crossed) Sure, I promise.
I beat my meat several times daily.
Catchy headline - too bad I feel too shitty to write anything witty.
but do you use Linux? If not, you're just a wannabe f4gg0r.
The Slashdot Story Submission System or Four-S (pronounced "force") is a closely guarded Slashdot secret. As much as Slashdot claims to be anti-patent, in their well-known hypocritical nature, they have a patent pending for their story submission system. It is this very system's precision and robustness that explains why slashdot is so popular yet other similar slashcode sites get less hits that the average AOL user's personal homepage.
Like the formula to Coca-Cola, KFC's secret recipe, and the chemical structure of SPAM, the workings of the Four-S system was the question keeping me awake at night. After weeks of saving my allowance, obtaining a fake ID and making a few trips to the seedier parts of town, I finally had everything I needed to discover the truth behind one of mankind's greatest mysteries.
Thanks to a life-size inflatable tux doll and a keg of mediocre quality lukewarm beer, I had little trouble coaxing the secrets of the Four-S system out of Rob Malda. Between mugs of beer and unspeakable acts against nature (and vinyl inflatable dolls), in his drunken slurred speech, he explained the most intimate details of the four-s system.
R.M.: Well... Hey, your kinda cute. Wanna see a cool trick I can do with a taco?
Me: Umm, I think I know what you have in mind - it won't work. When I was mowing a lawn last summer, I had an unfortunate accident and was involuntarily castrated. How that would effect the outcome of your trick should be self explanatory.
R.M.: Damn, that sucks. Hey, since you've taken yourself out of the gene pool, did you win a Darwin award?
Me: Did you win a Queer of the Year award? All fags like you should be given a Darwin award for taking themselves out of the gene pool. One more comment about my lack of balls and I'm deflating Tux!
R.M.: No, not Tux! I'm SO sorry! How can I make it up to you?
Me: The Four-S system. Tell me about it.
R.M.: Never. I'll take it to my grave.
Me: Damnit Rob, tell me or I'll shove my withered scrotum in your face. It's so nasty BME, Stileproject AND Steakandchese refused to post the picture!
R.M.: You make a compelling case, but no.
ME: Damn you, I'm so mad I don't feel like typing A HREF= anymore! Now you're gonna pay!
At this point I pull down my pants.
R.M: OH LORD OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!! I'M BLIND! OH THE AGONY! FOR GREAT JUSTICE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
ME: Not until you tell me about the Four-S!
R.M.: Okay you win, I'll talk, I'll talk. Just put your pants back on.
ME: I don't trust you. Tell me about the Four-S first!
R.M.: Sigh. Okay, the Four-S. Most people think the Four-S stands for "Slashdot Story Submission System", they're wrong - it's just the public codename. It really is an acronym for the four steps involved in story selection. Scratch paper, spin, semen, shredder - That's what the Four-S really means.
During the first step, the "scratch paper" stage, hardworking monks here at Slashdot HQ carefully transcribe each story submission on to a piece of environmentally friendly recycled paper. For the "spin" step, these pieces of paper are then placed in a Kenmore dryer (set to air dry only, heat caused us to lose a whole day's worth of submissions once when the paper burst into flames!) for 5 minutes for a good randomizing effect. Now ready for the "semen" stage, one of the Slashdot editing crew opens the dryer door and proceeds to masturbate into the dryer. Whichever lucky paper happens to catch the wad of jism will be posted to the main page of Slashdot and then placed in the shredder. The reason for shredding a successfully submitted story is simple, if it's shredded, we can be sure we won't see the dried semen on it and accidentally post it again. Since we can only masturbate so many times in one day, you can understand why we're only able to post so many stories in one day - and why so many are rejected. This is exactly why the Four-S system is so much more versatile than other story submission systems.
Me: Wow, that explains a lot. So how did you come up with the Four-S anyway?
R.M.: I was up late one night trying to write a script to randomly pick story submissions, but everyone at Slashdot HQ kept complaining it wasn't random enough. After debating for hours, my throat was becoming sore and I was starting to go hoarse. In frustration, I finally yelled, "Well how do you propose I make it more random, use the for..(cough)..se?" At that moment, the idea dawned on me.
Me: Why am I not surprised?
R.M.: Now that you have this information, you have entered a circle of trust. Promise me you won't tell a soul about what I have told you today!
Me: (With fingers crossed) Sure, I promise.
Ali (R, 157 min.)
12:50pm | 4:20pm | 7:40pm
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (PG, 153 min.)
12:40pm | 4:20pm | 7:40pm
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (PG-13, 178 min.)
12:30pm | 1:00pm | 1:40pm | 3:00pm | 4:10pm | 5:00pm | 5:20pm | 7:20pm | 8:00pm | 9:00pm | 9:20pm
Monsters, Inc. (G, 90 min.)
12:00pm | 2:20pm | 4:40pm | 7:10pm | 9:30pm
Ocean's 11 (PG-13, 114 min.)
12:50pm | 1:50pm | 4:00pm | 7:10pm | 7:30pm | 10:10pm
Vanilla Sky (R, 136 min.)
12:50pm | 3:50pm | 7:00pm | 10:00pm
A Beautiful Mind (PG-13, 135 min.)
12:20pm | 3:10pm | 6:50pm | 10:00pm
The Royal Tenenbaums (R, 108 min.)
12:00pm | 2:30pm | 5:00pm | 7:30pm | 10:00pm
Not Another Teen Movie (R, 82 min.)
4:30pm | 9:50pm
Joe Somebody (PG, 98 min.)
12:20pm | 2:40pm | 5:00pm | 7:20pm | 9:40pm
Kate & Leopold (PG-13, 118 min.)
1:00pm | 4:10pm | 7:00pm | 10:10pm
Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius (G, 84 min.)
12:00pm | 12:30pm | 2:10pm | 2:30pm | 4:10pm | 4:30pm | 6:40pm | 9:10pm
How High (R, 94 min.)
12:30pm | 2:50pm | 5:30pm | 7:50pm | 10:10pm
The Majestic (PG, 150 min.)
7:20pm
Gosford Park (R, 137 min.)
12:20pm | 4:00pm | 7:00pm | 10:00pm
Orange County (PG-13, 81 min.)
12:10pm | 1:00pm | 2:20pm | 3:10pm | 4:40pm | 5:20pm | 7:10pm | 7:50pm | 9:30pm | 10:20pm
Behind Enemy Lines (PG-13, 105 min.)
12:10pm | 2:40pm | 5:10pm | 7:40pm | 10:20pm
Impostor (PG-13, 96 min.)
12:10pm | 2:40pm | 5:10pm | 7:30pm | 10:20pm
Ali (R, 157 min.)
12:50pm | 4:20pm | 7:40pm | 11:20pm
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (PG, 153 min.)
12:40pm | 4:20pm | 7:40pm | 11:20pm
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (PG-13, 178 min.)
12:30pm | 1:00pm | 1:40pm | 3:00pm | 4:10pm | 5:00pm | 5:20pm | 7:20pm | 8:00pm | 9:00pm | 9:20pm | 11:00pm
Monsters, Inc. (G, 90 min.)
12:00pm | 2:20pm | 4:40pm | 7:10pm | 9:30pm
Ocean's 11 (PG-13, 114 min.)
12:50pm | 1:50pm | 4:00pm | 7:10pm | 7:30pm | 10:10pm
Vanilla Sky (R, 136 min.)
12:50pm | 3:50pm | 7:00pm | 10:00pm
A Beautiful Mind (PG-13, 135 min.)
12:20pm | 3:10pm | 6:50pm | 10:00pm
The Royal Tenenbaums (R, 108 min.)
12:00pm | 2:30pm | 5:00pm | 7:30pm | 10:00pm | 12:30am
Not Another Teen Movie (R, 82 min.)
4:30pm | 9:50pm | 12:10am
Joe Somebody (PG, 98 min.)
12:20pm | 2:40pm | 5:00pm | 7:20pm | 9:40pm | 12:00am
Kate & Leopold (PG-13, 118 min.)
1:00pm | 4:10pm | 7:00pm | 10:10pm
Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius (G, 84 min.)
12:00pm | 12:30pm | 2:10pm | 2:30pm | 4:10pm | 4:30pm | 6:40pm | 9:10pm | 11:30pm
How High (R, 94 min.)
12:30pm | 2:50pm | 5:30pm | 7:50pm | 10:10pm | 12:20am
The Majestic (PG, 150 min.)
7:20pm | 11:10pm
Gosford Park (R, 137 min.)
12:20pm | 4:00pm | 7:00pm | 10:00pm
Orange County (PG-13, 81 min.)
12:10pm | 1:00pm | 2:20pm | 3:10pm | 4:40pm | 5:20pm | 7:10pm | 7:50pm | 9:30pm | 10:20pm | 12:10am
Behind Enemy Lines (PG-13, 105 min.)
12:10pm | 2:40pm | 5:10pm | 7:40pm | 10:20pm
Impostor (PG-13, 96 min.)
12:10pm | 2:40pm | 5:10pm | 7:30pm | 10:20pm
Ali (R, 157 min.)
12:50pm | 4:20pm | 7:40pm | 11:20pm
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (PG, 153 min.)
12:40pm | 4:20pm | 7:40pm | 11:20pm
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (PG-13, 178 min.)
12:30pm | 1:00pm | 1:40pm | 3:00pm | 4:10pm | 5:00pm | 5:20pm | 7:20pm |
8:00pm | 9:00pm | 9:20pm | 11:00pm
Monsters, Inc. (G, 90 min.)
12:00pm | 2:20pm | 4:40pm | 7:10pm | 9:30pm
Ocean's 11 (PG-13, 114 min.)
12:50pm | 1:50pm | 4:00pm | 7:10pm | 7:30pm | 10:10pm
Vanilla Sky (R, 136 min.)
12:50pm | 3:50pm | 7:00pm | 10:00pm
A Beautiful Mind (PG-13, 135 min.)
12:20pm | 3:10pm | 6:50pm | 10:00pm
The Royal Tenenbaums (R, 108 min.)
12:00pm | 2:30pm | 5:00pm | 7:30pm | 10:00pm | 12:30am
Not Another Teen Movie (R, 82 min.)
4:30pm | 9:50pm | 12:10am
Joe Somebody (PG, 98 min.)
12:20pm | 2:40pm | 5:00pm | 7:20pm | 9:40pm | 12:00am
Kate & Leopold (PG-13, 118 min.)
1:00pm | 4:10pm | 7:00pm | 10:10pm
Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius (G, 84 min.)
12:00pm | 12:30pm | 2:10pm | 2:30pm | 4:10pm | 4:30pm | 6:40pm | 9:10pm |
11:30pm
How High (R, 94 min.)
12:30pm | 2:50pm | 5:30pm | 7:50pm | 10:10pm | 12:20am
The Majestic (PG, 150 min.)
7:20pm | 11:10pm
Gosford Park (R, 137 min.)
12:20pm | 4:00pm | 7:00pm | 10:00pm
Orange County (PG-13, 81 min.)
12:10pm | 1:00pm | 2:20pm | 3:10pm | 4:40pm | 5:20pm | 7:10pm | 7:50pm |
9:30pm | 10:20pm | 12:10am
Behind Enemy Lines (PG-13, 105 min.)
12:10pm | 2:40pm | 5:10pm | 7:40pm | 10:20pm
Impostor (PG-13, 96 min.)
12:10pm | 2:40pm | 5:10pm | 7:30pm | 10:20pm