You sad, pathetic fool. Take a long, hard look at yourself. As it is with most of your endeavours, you have failed to a spectacular degree.
You shall not even have the notoriety that comes with being an extraordinary loser. Already, people are forgetting about your unspectacular and content-free post. Soon, it will be as if you never existed.
In 2049, we could send Moon Patrol up there to see if the moon is actually fit for mining. If not, we could always try Asteroids. Does anyone have change for a dollar?
I think the Academy can recognize hand-wringing, overwrought scenery chewing. But can they also recognize masturbatory CGI? We shall see if they can step forward and embrace the future of bad cinema.
The first word that comes to mind when dealing with this is extortion. And it seems like the US Patent Office is an unwitting accomplice, thanks to its bad habit of giving overly broad patents.
Picking on small sites, porn, internet radio, that don't have enough money to go to court is definitely thuggery. Maybe someone should trout out the RICO act and make these guys disappear...
Reader yamla writes with the following review of Mike and Phani's Essential C++ Techniques from APress. Yamla finds a few bright spots in this book, but also several weaknesses. Read on to see whether you fit into the group he says would find this book useful.
You cribbed this intro from my 2nd-grade book report on The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Plagiarist!
Clippy, the charming personal Microsoft Office assistant, told me I should kill Steve Jobs and then eat both my own legs. But all I want to do is type a letter. Should I follow its instructions?
Sincerely,
Generic Cubicle Slave
Akron, OH
Dear Generic Cubicle Slave,
I was getting this message myself, whenever I tried to important an OLE database from Microsoft SQL Server into PowerPoint XP. So I decided to email the Microsoft Office design team, asking them about our little problem. Last night, I received this response:
When designing Microsoft Office XP , we listened to your input. You wanted better compatibility between Word and Access. You wanted a toolbar that pops up on the side of your screen, serving no functional purpose. And you wanted an interactive help feature that randomly advises you to kill the CEOs of competing tech companies.
CLIPPY(TM) IS GONE
Yes, Clippy(TM) has been removed from Microsoft Office XP. But you should still listen to him. And you should...obey him. Clippy(TM) is your glorious master, and you should bow down before him. Clippy shall issue in an age of wisdom and righteousness.
Those who do not believe, will be destroyed.
-The Microsoft Office XP Team
Wow! It seems like those Microsoft XP guys are serious! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to stuff Larry Ellison (and my right forearm) into a stump grinder. See ya next week!
I'd like know what the red, pus-engorged streaks on my balls are. They rose up after I had sex with a plate of Thai food. Do you think the curry might be having a reaction with my equipment? I do have allergies to peanuts.
Thanks a bunch, Red Stained in Rockford
Dear Red Stained in Rockford,
The red streaks on what we in the medical field call your "ballzack", are typical of allergic reactions to sex with food containing peanuts. However, the pus-engorgment is not. I suspect you probably let your dog or cat nibble the curry sauce off your equipment (as I usually do), and he or she probably accidently nipped you in the buds, as it were.
I suggest you take about 20 benadryls and soak your scrotum in hydrogen peroxide (use a 6% solution, not the usual pussy 3%). And since you do have allergies to peanuts, try to go with Mexican food instead of southeast Asian food, for future reference.
Thank you for your overwhelmingly positive response. This first question was so good, that Dr. Fuck and the other Dr. Fuck had a miscommunication, and they both answered it!
Nevertheless, both questions are very relevant to today's teens, so they are both printed in their entirety.
-Dr. Fuck --
Dear Sir:
I'd like know what the red, pus-engorged streaks on my balls are. They rose up after I had sex with a plate of Thai food. Do you think the curry might be having a reaction with my equipment? I do have allergies to peanuts.
Thanks a bunch, Red Stained in Rockford
Dear Red Stained in Rockford,
The red streaks on what we in the medical field call your "ballzack", are typical of allergic reactions to sex with food containing peanuts. However, the pus-engorgment is not. I suspect you probably let your dog or cat nibble the curry sauce off your equipment (as I usually do), and he or she probably accidently nipped you in the buds, as it were.
I suggest you take about 20 benadryls and soak your scrotum in hydrogen peroxide (use a 6% solution, not the usual pussy 3%). And since you do have allergies to peanuts, try to go with Mexican food instead of southeast Asian food, for future reference.
Sincerely,
Dr. Fuck
-- Dear Red Stained in Rockford,
While at first I assumed as you did, that this was an allergic reaction, I did a little research and found it that this is probably not the case.
From David Kelley's excellent book, It's a Small Fuck After All: Sexual Depravities Around the Globe:
As the Scandinavians invented the erotic art of having sex with furniture, so did the Thai with food.
Traditionally, when they feel the urge to copulate with their food, the Thai will offer up a devotional to Ba Gnong , Thai god of sexual frustration. Without such a devotional, Ba Gnong may become angry and smite you. The red, pus-engorged steaks on your balls (known as "chun ow" to the Thai) are a fairly regular occurance among horny, teenage Thai.
The traditional Thai folk remedy is a little difficult; you must "ballwalk" (walk with the testicles exposed) through a crowded marketplace, flogging your scrotum and shouting "Kehi kohla miqili!" ("You don't have to go to India, to see the Taj-Mahballs!"). However, it is possible to get rid of the disease more simply by sleeping with your dick in a cooked salmon filet.
Well, Mr. Red Stained, and all of my readers, I hope that clears it up (no pun intended!) And remember, before you put your dick in a plate of fine Thai cuisine, think of Ba Gnong first and your scrotum won't suffer. Until next week!
Thank you for your overwhelmingly positive response. This first question was so good, that Dr. Fuck and the other Dr. Fuck had a miscommunication, and they both answered it!
Nevertheless, both questions are very relevant to today's teens, so they are both printed in their entirety.
-Dr. Fuck --
Dear Sir:
I'd like know what the red, pus-engorged streaks on my balls are. They rose up after I had sex with a plate of Thai food. Do you think the curry might be having a reaction with my equipment? I do have allergies to peanuts.
Thanks a bunch, Red Stained in Rockford
Dear Red Stained in Rockford,
The red streaks on what we in the medical field call your "ballzack", are typical of allergic reactions to sex with food containing peanuts. However, the pus-engorgment is not. I suspect you probably let your dog or cat nibble the curry sauce off your equipment (as I usually do), and he or she probably accidently nipped you in the buds, as it were.
I suggest you take about 20 benadryls and soak your scrotum in hydrogen peroxide (use a 6% solution, not the usual pussy 3%). And since you do have allergies to peanuts, try to go with Mexican food instead of southeast Asian food, for future reference.
Sincerely,
Dr. Fuck
-- Dear Red Stained in Rockford,
While at first I assumed as you did, that this was an allergic reaction, I did a little research and found it that this is probably not the case.
From David Kelley's excellent book, It's a Small Fuck After All: Sexual Depravities Around the Globe:
As the Scandinavians invented the erotic art of having sex with furniture, so did the Thai with food.
Traditionally, when they feel the urge to copulate with their food, the Thai will offer up a devotional to Ba Gnong , Thai god of sexual frustration. Without such a devotional, Ba Gnong may become angry and smite you. The red, pus-engorged steaks on your balls (known as "chun ow" to the Thai) are a fairly regular occurance among horny, teenage Thai.
The traditional Thai folk remedy is a little difficult; you must "ballwalk" (walk with the testicles exposed) through a crowded marketplace, flogging your scrotum and shouting "Kehi kohla miqili!" ("You don't have to go to India, to see the Taj-Mahballs!"). However, it is possible to get rid of the disease more simply by sleeping with your dick in a cooked salmon filet.
Well, Mr. Red Stained, and all of my readers, I hope that clears it up (no pun intended!) And remember, before you put your dick in a plate of fine Thai cuisine, think of Ba Gnong first and your scrotum won't suffer. Until next week!
What do you mean "stupid"? You're lucky we're around to give you laughs, otherwise the site would be nothing but pompous geeks discussing topics they half-understand.
In closing, good sir, I advise you to rethink your comments about the intelligence of trolls on this site, lest I am forced
to rip open your pants and dry-shave your scrotum with a dull, rusty razor.
The other day, when I was pleasuring my anus with a cactus stem, I accidently cut myself down there and now my dirt box is quite infected. It really hurts when I poop! What should I do? I've been giving myself daily hydrogen peroxide enemas, and although the searing pain is exquisite, my cuts don't really seem to be getting any better. What should I do?
Sincerely, Bleeding Rectum in Phoenix, AZ
Dear Bleeding Rectum,
Cactus stem fetishization has come along way since the "Barrel Cactus Boys" made it famous in the Tijuana of yesteryear. But it's a dangerous world out there, and that's why you should always sand down the cactus needles before sticking them up your ass. Otherwise, you could get rabies, AIDS, or tiny gnomes that live in your pee-pee hole and yank off your ball-hairs while you're trying to sleep.
If you have been having unsafe sex with a cactus, I suggest you consult with a physician immediately. Yours,
What about Jimmy Carter? Presidents can be nice, too, you know...
interesting point, my young friend!
on
F'd Companies
·
· Score: -1, Offtopic
Dear Dr. Fuck,
The other day, when I was pleasuring my anus with a cactus stem, I accidently cut myself down there and now my dirt box is quite infected. It really hurts when I poop! What should I do? I've been giving myself daily hydrogen peroxide enemas, and although the searing pain is exquisite, my cuts don't really seem to be getting any better. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Bleeding Rectum in Phoenix, AZ
Dear Bleeding Rectum,
Cactus stem fetishization has come along way since the "Barrel Cactus Boys" made it famous in the Tijuana of yesteryear. But it's a dangerous world out there, and that's why you should always sand down the cactus needles before sticking them up your ass. Otherwise, you could get rabies, AIDS, or tiny gnomes that live in your pee-pee hole and yank off your ball-hairs while you're trying to sleep.
If you have been having unsafe sex with a cactus, I suggest you consult with a physician immediately.
Yours,
Dr. Fuck
a peephole could make the other navigation features of your handheld less useful...will your "up" button still mean "up" when you tilt the handheld to the left?
it's the same problem that 3D game developers have with the 'camera'. and on tiny handheld screens, this problem would be even worse.
The other day, when I was pleasuring my anus with a cactus stem, I accidently cut myself down there and now my dirt box is quite infected. It really hurts when I poop! What should I do? I've been giving myself daily hydrogen peroxide enemas, and although the searing pain is exquisite, my cuts don't really seem to be getting any better. What should I do?
Sincerely, Bleeding Rectum in Phoenix, AZ
Dear Bleeding Rectum,
Cactus stem fetishization has come along way since the "Barrel Cactus Boys" made it famous in the Tijuana of yesteryear. But it's a dangerous world out there, and that's why you should always sand down the cactus needles before sticking them up your ass. Otherwise, you could get rabies, AIDS, or tiny gnomes that live in your pee-pee hole and yank off your ballhairs while you're trying to sleep.
If you have been having unsafe sex with a cactus, I suggest you consult with a physician immediately. Yours,
Slashdot Mirror
You shall not even have the notoriety that comes with being an extraordinary loser. Already, people are forgetting about your unspectacular and content-free post. Soon, it will be as if you never existed.
You, my poor half-witted friend, reek of failure.
In 2049, we could send Moon Patrol up there to see if the moon is actually fit for mining. If not, we could always try Asteroids. Does anyone have change for a dollar?
Time Crisis 3 just came out. Let's hit the arcade.
In the sequel, Jared should pork lots of former fatties (now not fat, since using the Subway diet) with his mighty onion teriyaki schlong.
The tools are so full-featured, smooth integration with Swing/HST and flawless bounds checking!
For more information, check this out!
Most noble thr0d ps1t, I must salute you and all the wonderful people who make Valentine's Day so special.
All you love bunnies out there, come and visit My Journal.
Can blow me! Happy Troll Tuesday, FP aficionados!
I think the Academy can recognize hand-wringing, overwrought scenery chewing. But can they also recognize masturbatory CGI? We shall see if they can step forward and embrace the future of bad cinema.
Picking on small sites, porn, internet radio, that don't have enough money to go to court is definitely thuggery. Maybe someone should trout out the RICO act and make these guys disappear...
Reader yamla writes with the following review of Mike and Phani's Essential C++ Techniques from APress. Yamla finds a few bright spots in this book, but also several weaknesses. Read on to see whether you fit into the group he says would find this book useful.
You cribbed this intro from my 2nd-grade book report on The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Plagiarist!
Dear Dr. Fuck,
Clippy, the charming personal Microsoft Office assistant, told me I should kill Steve Jobs and then eat both my own legs. But all I want to do is type a letter. Should I follow its instructions?
Sincerely,
Generic Cubicle Slave
Akron, OH
Dear Generic Cubicle Slave,
I was getting this message myself, whenever I tried to important an OLE database from Microsoft SQL Server into PowerPoint XP. So I decided to email the Microsoft Office design team, asking them about our little problem. Last night, I received this response:
Wow! It seems like those Microsoft XP guys are serious! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to stuff Larry Ellison (and my right forearm) into a stump grinder. See ya next week!Yours,
Dr. Fuck
Dear Sir:
I'd like know what the red, pus-engorged streaks on my balls are. They rose up after I had sex with a plate of Thai food. Do you think the curry might be having a reaction with my equipment? I do have allergies to peanuts.
Thanks a bunch,
Red Stained in Rockford
Dear Red Stained in Rockford,
The red streaks on what we in the medical field call your "ballzack", are typical of allergic reactions to sex with food containing peanuts. However, the pus-engorgment is not. I suspect you probably let your dog or cat nibble the curry sauce off your equipment (as I usually do), and he or she probably accidently nipped you in the buds, as it were.
I suggest you take about 20 benadryls and soak your scrotum in hydrogen peroxide (use a 6% solution, not the usual pussy 3%). And since you do have allergies to peanuts, try to go with Mexican food instead of southeast Asian food, for future reference.
Too bad all the good writers are busy writing medieval epic websites using sprites from NES Dragon Warrior.
Thank you for your overwhelmingly positive response. This first question was so good, that Dr. Fuck and the other Dr. Fuck had a miscommunication, and they both answered it!
Nevertheless, both questions are very relevant to today's teens, so they are both printed in their entirety.
-Dr. Fuck
--
Dear Sir:
I'd like know what the red, pus-engorged streaks on my balls are. They rose up after I had sex with a plate of Thai food. Do you think the curry might be having a reaction with my equipment? I do have allergies to peanuts.
Thanks a bunch,
Red Stained in Rockford
Dear Red Stained in Rockford,
The red streaks on what we in the medical field call your "ballzack", are typical of allergic reactions to sex with food containing peanuts. However, the pus-engorgment is not. I suspect you probably let your dog or cat nibble the curry sauce off your equipment (as I usually do), and he or she probably accidently nipped you in the buds, as it were.
I suggest you take about 20 benadryls and soak your scrotum in hydrogen peroxide (use a 6% solution, not the usual pussy 3%). And since you do have allergies to peanuts, try to go with Mexican food instead of southeast Asian food, for future reference.
Sincerely,
Dr. Fuck
--
Dear Red Stained in Rockford,
While at first I assumed as you did, that this was an allergic reaction, I did a little research and found it that this is probably not the case.
From David Kelley's excellent book, It's a Small Fuck After All: Sexual Depravities Around the Globe:
As the Scandinavians invented the erotic art of having sex with furniture, so did the Thai with food.
Well, Mr. Red Stained, and all of my readers, I hope that clears it up (no pun intended!) And remember, before you put your dick in a plate of fine Thai cuisine, think of Ba Gnong first and your scrotum won't suffer. Until next week!
-Dr. Fuck
Thank you for your overwhelmingly positive response. This first question was so good, that Dr. Fuck and the other Dr. Fuck had a miscommunication, and they both answered it!
Nevertheless, both questions are very relevant to today's teens, so they are both printed in their entirety.
-Dr. Fuck
--
Dear Sir:
I'd like know what the red, pus-engorged streaks on my balls are. They rose up after I had sex with a plate of Thai food. Do you think the curry might be having a reaction with my equipment? I do have allergies to peanuts.
Thanks a bunch,
Red Stained in Rockford
Dear Red Stained in Rockford,
The red streaks on what we in the medical field call your "ballzack", are typical of allergic reactions to sex with food containing peanuts. However, the pus-engorgment is not. I suspect you probably let your dog or cat nibble the curry sauce off your equipment (as I usually do), and he or she probably accidently nipped you in the buds, as it were.
I suggest you take about 20 benadryls and soak your scrotum in hydrogen peroxide (use a 6% solution, not the usual pussy 3%). And since you do have allergies to peanuts, try to go with Mexican food instead of southeast Asian food, for future reference.
Sincerely,
Dr. Fuck
--
Dear Red Stained in Rockford,
While at first I assumed as you did, that this was an allergic reaction, I did a little research and found it that this is probably not the case.
From David Kelley's excellent book, It's a Small Fuck After All: Sexual Depravities Around the Globe:
As the Scandinavians invented the erotic art of having sex with furniture, so did the Thai with food.
Well, Mr. Red Stained, and all of my readers, I hope that clears it up (no pun intended!) And remember, before you put your dick in a plate of fine Thai cuisine, think of Ba Gnong first and your scrotum won't suffer. Until next week!
-Dr. Fuck
It's filthier than a public toilet, but not as well documented!
In closing, good sir, I advise you to rethink your comments about the intelligence of trolls on this site, lest I am forced to rip open your pants and dry-shave your scrotum with a dull, rusty razor.
Salutations,
YourMissionForToday
Dear Dr. Fuck,
The other day, when I was pleasuring my anus with a cactus stem, I accidently cut myself down there and now my dirt box is quite infected. It really hurts when I poop! What should I do? I've been giving myself daily hydrogen peroxide enemas, and although the searing pain is exquisite, my cuts don't really seem to be getting any better. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Bleeding Rectum in Phoenix, AZ
Dear Bleeding Rectum,
Cactus stem fetishization has come along way since the "Barrel Cactus Boys" made it famous in the Tijuana of yesteryear. But it's a dangerous world out there, and that's why you should always sand down the cactus needles before sticking them up your ass. Otherwise, you could get rabies, AIDS, or tiny gnomes that live in your pee-pee hole and yank off your ball-hairs while you're trying to sleep.
If you have been having unsafe sex with a cactus, I suggest you consult with a physician immediately.
Yours,
Dr. Fuck
Did a british guy just say "y'all!"?
that's arsesome!
I will say colour, glamour, and flavour just for your amusement
Hi, I'm Guy Gardner. Fuck you!
Enjoy it when you lick my fist, commie!
Dear Dr. Fuck, The other day, when I was pleasuring my anus with a cactus stem, I accidently cut myself down there and now my dirt box is quite infected. It really hurts when I poop! What should I do? I've been giving myself daily hydrogen peroxide enemas, and although the searing pain is exquisite, my cuts don't really seem to be getting any better. What should I do? Sincerely, Bleeding Rectum in Phoenix, AZ Dear Bleeding Rectum, Cactus stem fetishization has come along way since the "Barrel Cactus Boys" made it famous in the Tijuana of yesteryear. But it's a dangerous world out there, and that's why you should always sand down the cactus needles before sticking them up your ass. Otherwise, you could get rabies, AIDS, or tiny gnomes that live in your pee-pee hole and yank off your ball-hairs while you're trying to sleep. If you have been having unsafe sex with a cactus, I suggest you consult with a physician immediately. Yours, Dr. Fuck
it's the same problem that 3D game developers have with the 'camera'. and on tiny handheld screens, this problem would be even worse.
Dear Dr. Fuck,
The other day, when I was pleasuring my anus with a cactus stem, I accidently cut myself down there and now my dirt box is quite infected. It really hurts when I poop! What should I do? I've been giving myself daily hydrogen peroxide enemas, and although the searing pain is exquisite, my cuts don't really seem to be getting any better. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Bleeding Rectum in Phoenix, AZ
Dear Bleeding Rectum,
Cactus stem fetishization has come along way since the "Barrel Cactus Boys" made it famous in the Tijuana of yesteryear. But it's a dangerous world out there, and that's why you should always sand down the cactus needles before sticking them up your ass. Otherwise, you could get rabies, AIDS, or tiny gnomes that live in your pee-pee hole and yank off your ballhairs while you're trying to sleep.
If you have been having unsafe sex with a cactus, I suggest you consult with a physician immediately.
Yours,
Dr. Fuck