A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Congrats on taking the first post from the GNAA wankers. You just forgot to despise the regretfully born michael as much as he desserves. michael, if you're reading this, you should get a life and censor real people in real life instead. I wish you took your fat white ass to Fallujah, moron.
America, eh folks? It's a pretty screwed up place. Unfortunately, but not
indefinitely, the USA's weapons of mass destruction make it the most powerful
country in the world (militarily). As a result, it helps to be aware of
American society and fit into it, and our quick 8-step guide should have you
on the path to burger-munching enlightenment.
1 - Buy yourself a gun
To become a fully-fledged Yank, you'll need to get a weapon. Americans think
that having more killing machines magically makes their country safer, and it
helps them to walk around saying "I'll put a cap in your ass". Even though the
concept of "no guns = no gun-related crimes" is alien to the average Yank,
it'll give you a false sense of security in this country with the highest
crime rates in the developed world.
2 - Put on at least 25 stone
Skinny? Medium? Chubby? That won't cut it in the good ol' US of A. Because
America has the highest obesty levels on the planet, you'll need to get those
rolls of flab built up. Eating 18 waffles with Maple syrup for breakfast (and
visiting Burger King five times in a day) is all natural when much of the world
is suffering massive poverty. Get fat and fit in.
3 - Learn the lingo
We've talked about issues affecting society, but on a personal level you'll
need more knowledge (or ignorance as it may be) to fit in. First, forget
proper English. Confuse "your" with "you're". Say "must of" instead of "must
have". Whenever anything interesting occurs, say "shucks" repeatedly. Instead
of clever spontaneity or witty insults, call people "asswipes". It's funny!
4 - Throw away all maps, history books etc.
To really feel a part of American society, you must lose all knowledge of the
world. Forget where Poland is. Scrap your knowledge of the lengthy Chinese
history. Make cretinous remarks like "India? Is that in Africa?". Because ALL
that matters is America, and it doesn't matter how pathetic you look to educated
people the world over.
5 - Become totally irrational and nonsensical
Spout on about the Constitution, and then make drastic changes to it. Talk about
"freedom of speech" and watch TV programmes about the Ku Klux Klan. Rant on about
market freedom, and sit back as companies run riot and destroy the economy with
their anti-competitive practices. Essentially, act idiotic at all times.
6 - Sue everyone you ever meet
The USA doesn't produce many decent quality products, so the society is
crumbling into a litigation-happy joke. With so many jobs going overseas to
talented workers, your only option left is to start legal proceedings. About
anything. Someone step on your toe? Get some hotshot downtown lawyer to sue
their ass!
7 - Get a "shrink"
Americans have a hard time dealing with their own problems in a mature manner,
and prefer to spend hundreds of dollars sitting in front of someone and
whinging. However trivial your problems may be, blast them out like a baby!
8 - Watch abysmal TV
Forget educational programmes and incisive documentaries. Your ideal night in
is with your gun, six cheeseburgers and a Friends box set. Watch as some
over-paid talentless "actor" enters the scene, and whoop and scream hysterically
as he delivers some ridiculously poor wisecrack.
So there you have it! Those 8 steps should have you killing innocent people,
piling on pounds and acting like a moron in no time. America awaits you,
brave hero! Just get out before it collapses in disarray.
Why Mobile Phones Are Annoying Posted by timothy on Tuesday April 13, @01:33PM from the because-they-don't-reliably-explode dept. griffinn writes "Jakob Neilsen recently conducted a study comparing the perceived annoyance level of two commuters having a face-to-face conversation and one commuter talking on the mobile phone. Interestingly enough, subjects were also asked whether the ring tone is annoying, and people didn't find the ring to be particularly bad."
Sehr geehrter Herr Doktor Doktor Klerck, You've been an inspiration to us all, I'd like to widen your very personal moviepoopshot. Vielen Dank fur KDE, das Klerck Desktop Environment.
Gotta help them, especially since I saw the movies and almost knocked myself out, laughing my ass off during the swimming pool scene.
This *is* the funniest movie of all times !
GNAA needs BitTorrent tracker for GNFOS Movie
By GNAA Staff
GNAA (Gay Nigger Association of America) is currently searching for a stable BitTorrent tracker to host the Gay Niggers From Outer Space, the official movie of GNAA.
The tracker previously used for distributing this movie (voracity.net), went down and we are unable to reach out and touch our loyal fans without this movie.
If you run a stable BitTorrent tracker, and can host the torrent on it, please contact GNAA by using instructions below. You don't have to host the.torrent file itself (we have that covered), or list the torrent on your tracker's download page (you can make it a hidden torrent). GNAA will provide quality seeds and make sure there is at least one available seed for this movie at all times.
If you are interested in helping GNAA with your tracker, please contact us. Naturally, you will be given a complimentary membership in GNAA, which you can accept or reject. Your decision will not be held against you.
This case involves a charge of sexual harassment against Terrence Wilford by Sonia Wilson, who says that his continuous attention to her appearance is a form of sexual discrimination.
Sonia Wilson
I am so fed up with my boss. Every time I come in with a new outfit or get my hair cut he has to make some comment on my appearance. What he says sounds like a compliment, but it feels to me like he only notices my appearance, not my work. He never does this to the guys in the office. I want to tell him to quit it, but he'll have some excuse or just get offended. I don't know. One of these days I'm just going to lose my temper and then it's kiss my job goodbye.
Terrence Wilford
Excuse me? She's offended because I say she looks nice? I was raised by my mother to be a gentleman and complimenting women on their appearance is part of being a gentleman. Show me the rules where it says you can't compliment a woman on her appearance. She's probably be more furious if I never noticed. My wife sure is.
Susan Morris
I am truly bewildered by this charge. I have no idea why Ms. Wilson is offended. I would be pleased to receive such comments on my appearance.
Raymond Curtis
Yes, I think complimenting women on their appearance is sexual harassment. It's clearly discriminating between women and men, because of the stereotypes about women and men. Women are typically judged on their appearance, men on their performance. Continually calling attention to women's appearance in the workplace just reinforces this stereotype. I think this is a topic we should address in our sexual harassment training, and I'll make a note of it for our Human Resources Manager.
The Case of the Fondling Exec
This case involves a charge of sexual harassment against Jerry Sullivan by Julia Wentworth who complains that he continuously fondles his genitals in her presence when she is working.
Julia Wentworth
I want to make a complaint against Mr. Sullivan, my manager. He's driving me nuts. Every single day he makes a point to stand where I can see him and he fondles his genitals. He looks right at me when he's doing it, too. You can't mistake what he means. It's embarrassing and distracting. I don't want to talk to him about it; I don't want to talk to him at all. He's creepy. I'm not the only person he does this to; you can talk to Alice Summerby or Wilma Reece. He does it to them, too. Is this harassment? I know I'm going to have to quit if this behavior doesn't stop.
Alice Summerby
Yeah, Mr. Sullivan is a creep. He touches himself and looks straight at me when he's doing it, and I'm trying to work. I don't know what he thinks he's doing. I think he's crazy. I try not to let it bother me, because I have to keep this job. I have small kids and I really need the work. I don't want to make a fuss, because I don't want to get involved. So I just try not to notice.
Jerry Sullivan
I don't know what these women are talking about. I don't "fondle my genitals" in public. They are just complainers who don't get their work done on time and they're trying to make up some excuse. These women are lazy and incompetent and they don't belong in the workplace. Why don't they just go back home where they belong?
Harold Wilberson
I was designated to investigate the claims these women made against Jerry. I never saw him rubbing himself. I decided the women were just trying to get him in trouble. He probably wasn't doing anything but adjusting his pants. He's a big man and wears his pants kind of tight. I told those women to ignore him or tell him to quit it. There wasn't anything to it. If we let those women get away with this kind of stupid complaint, a guy won't be able to work for worrying where to put his hands or what he can say or where he can look.
Slashdot Mirror
FUCK YOU ! :)
please
Who cares about that Linux Shite ?
The matrix is obsolete ! :)
Why do cowboyneal loves Prefab Sprout better than the Holy Ninnle Grail ?
Because it rhymes with "prooooooot".
get a life, nobody cares about you.
(BTW: YOU FAIL IT !!!)
n/t
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Congrats on taking the first post from the GNAA wankers.
You just forgot to despise the regretfully born michael as much as he desserves.
michael, if you're reading this, you should get a life and censor real people in real life instead.
I wish you took your fat white ass to Fallujah, moron.
If you're a chick you might be fat and ugly and even have a moustache, otherwise you would not wank on slashdot like a nerd.
so fuck off slut.
America, eh folks? It's a pretty screwed up place. Unfortunately, but not indefinitely, the USA's weapons of mass destruction make it the most powerful country in the world (militarily). As a result, it helps to be aware of American society and fit into it, and our quick 8-step guide should have you on the path to burger-munching enlightenment.
1 - Buy yourself a gun
To become a fully-fledged Yank, you'll need to get a weapon. Americans think that having more killing machines magically makes their country safer, and it helps them to walk around saying "I'll put a cap in your ass". Even though the concept of "no guns = no gun-related crimes" is alien to the average Yank, it'll give you a false sense of security in this country with the highest crime rates in the developed world.
2 - Put on at least 25 stone
Skinny? Medium? Chubby? That won't cut it in the good ol' US of A. Because America has the highest obesty levels on the planet, you'll need to get those rolls of flab built up. Eating 18 waffles with Maple syrup for breakfast (and visiting Burger King five times in a day) is all natural when much of the world is suffering massive poverty. Get fat and fit in.
3 - Learn the lingo
We've talked about issues affecting society, but on a personal level you'll need more knowledge (or ignorance as it may be) to fit in. First, forget proper English. Confuse "your" with "you're". Say "must of" instead of "must have". Whenever anything interesting occurs, say "shucks" repeatedly. Instead of clever spontaneity or witty insults, call people "asswipes". It's funny!
4 - Throw away all maps, history books etc.
To really feel a part of American society, you must lose all knowledge of the world. Forget where Poland is. Scrap your knowledge of the lengthy Chinese history. Make cretinous remarks like "India? Is that in Africa?". Because ALL that matters is America, and it doesn't matter how pathetic you look to educated people the world over.
5 - Become totally irrational and nonsensical
Spout on about the Constitution, and then make drastic changes to it. Talk about "freedom of speech" and watch TV programmes about the Ku Klux Klan. Rant on about market freedom, and sit back as companies run riot and destroy the economy with their anti-competitive practices. Essentially, act idiotic at all times.
6 - Sue everyone you ever meet
The USA doesn't produce many decent quality products, so the society is crumbling into a litigation-happy joke. With so many jobs going overseas to talented workers, your only option left is to start legal proceedings. About anything. Someone step on your toe? Get some hotshot downtown lawyer to sue their ass!
7 - Get a "shrink"
Americans have a hard time dealing with their own problems in a mature manner, and prefer to spend hundreds of dollars sitting in front of someone and whinging. However trivial your problems may be, blast them out like a baby!
8 - Watch abysmal TV
Forget educational programmes and incisive documentaries. Your ideal night in is with your gun, six cheeseburgers and a Friends box set. Watch as some over-paid talentless "actor" enters the scene, and whoop and scream hysterically as he delivers some ridiculously poor wisecrack.
So there you have it! Those 8 steps should have you killing innocent people, piling on pounds and acting like a moron in no time. America awaits you, brave hero! Just get out before it collapses in disarray.
Why Mobile Phones Are Annoying
Posted by timothy on Tuesday April 13, @01:33PM
from the because-they-don't-reliably-explode dept.
griffinn writes "Jakob Neilsen recently conducted a study comparing the perceived annoyance level of two commuters having a face-to-face conversation and one commuter talking on the mobile phone. Interestingly enough, subjects were also asked whether the ring tone is annoying, and people didn't find the ring to be particularly bad."
Sehr geehrter Herr Doktor Doktor Klerck,
You've been an inspiration to us all,
I'd like to widen your very personal moviepoopshot.
Vielen Dank fur KDE, das Klerck Desktop Environment.
well, I hope it's not too late to plook you all, scheissmasters !
Gotta help them, especially since I saw the movies and almost knocked myself out, laughing my ass off during the swimming pool scene.
.torrent file itself (we have that covered), or list the torrent on your tracker's download page (you can make it a hidden torrent).
This *is* the funniest movie of all times !
GNAA needs BitTorrent tracker for GNFOS Movie
By GNAA Staff
GNAA (Gay Nigger Association of America) is currently searching for a stable BitTorrent
tracker to host the Gay Niggers From Outer Space, the official movie of GNAA.
The tracker previously used for distributing this movie (voracity.net), went down and we are
unable to reach out and touch our loyal fans without this movie.
If you run a stable BitTorrent tracker, and can host the torrent on it, please contact GNAA by using instructions below. You don't have to
host the
GNAA will provide quality seeds and make sure there is at least one available seed for this movie at all times.
If you are interested in helping GNAA with your tracker, please contact us. Naturally, you will be given a complimentary membership in
GNAA, which you can accept or reject. Your decision will not be held against you.
fuck you, nerdz.
Now, mod me +5 insightful for stating the obvious, nerds !
I should get <+5 Informative> for announcing this.
(And if I say that Simoniker is Bob, I should reach an even higher mark)
OK, you can go to bed, now...
Lunix is teh devil !!!
I only need 4 channels.
Nope, you need to get a life.
YOU = TEH GHEY !
The Case of the Excessive Compliments
This case involves a charge of sexual harassment against Terrence Wilford by Sonia Wilson, who says that his continuous attention to her appearance is a form of sexual discrimination.
Sonia Wilson
I am so fed up with my boss. Every time I come in with a new outfit or get my hair cut he has to make some comment on my appearance. What he says sounds like a compliment, but it feels to me like he only notices my appearance, not my work. He never does this to the guys in the office. I want to tell him to quit it, but he'll have some excuse or just get offended. I don't know. One of these days I'm just going to lose my temper and then it's kiss my job goodbye.
Terrence Wilford
Excuse me? She's offended because I say she looks nice? I was raised by my mother to be a gentleman and complimenting women on their appearance is part of being a gentleman. Show me the rules where it says you can't compliment a woman on her appearance. She's probably be more furious if I never noticed. My wife sure is.
Susan Morris
I am truly bewildered by this charge. I have no idea why Ms. Wilson is offended. I would be pleased to receive such comments on my appearance.
Raymond Curtis
Yes, I think complimenting women on their appearance is sexual harassment. It's clearly discriminating between women and men, because of the stereotypes about women and men. Women are typically judged on their appearance, men on their performance. Continually calling attention to women's appearance in the workplace just reinforces this stereotype. I think this is a topic we should address in our sexual harassment training, and I'll make a note of it for our Human Resources Manager.
The Case of the Fondling Exec
This case involves a charge of sexual harassment against Jerry Sullivan by Julia Wentworth who complains that he continuously fondles his genitals in her presence when she is working.
Julia Wentworth
I want to make a complaint against Mr. Sullivan, my manager. He's driving me nuts. Every single day he makes a point to stand where I can see him and he fondles his genitals. He looks right at me when he's doing it, too. You can't mistake what he means. It's embarrassing and distracting. I don't want to talk to him about it; I don't want to talk to him at all. He's creepy. I'm not the only person he does this to; you can talk to Alice Summerby or Wilma Reece. He does it to them, too. Is this harassment? I know I'm going to have to quit if this behavior doesn't stop.
Alice Summerby
Yeah, Mr. Sullivan is a creep. He touches himself and looks straight at me when he's doing it, and I'm trying to work. I don't know what he thinks he's doing. I think he's crazy. I try not to let it bother me, because I have to keep this job. I have small kids and I really need the work. I don't want to make a fuss, because I don't want to get involved. So I just try not to notice.
Jerry Sullivan
I don't know what these women are talking about. I don't "fondle my genitals" in public. They are just complainers who don't get their work done on time and they're trying to make up some excuse. These women are lazy and incompetent and they don't belong in the workplace. Why don't they just go back home where they belong?
Harold Wilberson
I was designated to investigate the claims these women made against Jerry. I never saw him rubbing himself. I decided the women were just trying to get him in trouble. He probably wasn't doing anything but adjusting his pants. He's a big man and wears his pants kind of tight. I told those women to ignore him or tell him to quit it. There wasn't anything to it. If we let those women get away with this kind of stupid complaint, a guy won't be able to work for worrying where to put his hands or what he can say or where he can look.
The C
This is shite and Yassine has been Yassassinated by Israeli terrorism !
This is *WAR* !!!
Are you an "hyperterrorist" ?
Newton, Galileo, Kepler, Dirac, Faraday, Planck, Kelvin, Maxwell and Einstein believed in God. So do I.
Believe for yourself, not for others, m0r0n.
help understand disease and potentially, biological weapons that may be used against us.
Like the ones you previously sold to banana republics or oil emirats ?
You built the shite, just keep it for yourself.