Originally by USian Pie Widened by pwpbotA long long time ago I can still remember How the trollers used to make me smile And I knew if I had to boast That I could try to get first post And maybe Id be happy for a while But moderators made me shiver With every minus theyd deliver DoS scripts couldnt stop it They scored them all Offtopic I know that its cheap crack they smoke And metamoderations broke At first I thought it was a joke The day that trolltalk died Chorus Bye bye MEEPTy OOG and Grits guy Drove the Cruiser like some loser who starts posts with a sigh Those Steve Woston posts that we all knew were a lie Wonder what became of girls petrified What became of girls petrified Did you write a bunch of Perl And did it make you want to hurl Feces at the Wall Can you believe these lameass polls Do you post big stretchedout assholes Can you make the goatsecx link not show Well I know you think that Siggy sucked Will the real Bruce Perens please stand up The bots dont have a clue Man I dig those trolls from Shoe I was a rabid Free Speech advocate With a Red Hat Tshirt and a Free Beer gut Bought my Sony laptop working Pizza Hut The day that trolltalk died Chorus Its been two years since the IPO And LNUX sinks to alltime lows But thats not how it used to be When Spiral showed how it was done Trolling as Jon Erikson Who worked for NPO Technologies Oh and while they tried to filter posts Somebody rooted Slashdots host Crack Slashdot Thats absurd Better go change your password While JonKatz wrote a Hellmouth book By using posts he simply took And we flamed him till he was cooked The day that trolltalk died And we were singin Chorus 10 grams Inchfan Didnt log out Goddamn The mods will find the sid real soon man You cant hide if you arent AC Your bud George here tried BSD A dead Streetlawyers tips were free And WIPO helped letsriot turn Nazi 70 made his percents up While 80md warned liberals suck The moon does not exist Its just a liberal myth Oh and as Taco tried to take a nap We forced him to invoke bitchslaps Do you recall the flood of crap The day that trolltalk died We started singin Chorus Oh and then we were wearing out All your base And started posting monospace The better for our penis birds So come on be a zealot be a dick You dont think Anne Maries a chick Because lyings all we do about HURD So go and push for BSD And say GPL isnt free Slow down cowboy The limit Is one post every minute Now tell the right wing facist slime Infringing on Your Rights Online That they cant censor all the time The day that trolltalk died Chorus I met a troll they called The Rev And asked him if CD BREAK HEAD He said Thats old Get over it And with all the courage I could muster Imagine what a Beowulf cluster But it wasnt worth the trouble to submit The karma caps are just plain jive And everyones moved to K5 The steelcage has grown rusted And Geekizoid is busted The three sites I dont see for weeks Segfault kernel Compugeek Code is not art This aint Freshmeat The day that trolltalk died Chorus
Project Faustus My programming had attuned itself to their foul presence too late Now I was a prisoner of the very thing I had sworn to destroy I had envisioned breaking through the Projects network by a combination of CONSCIOUSNESSTRANSFER and my deceitful imitation of human protocolit seems that this vision would not merge with reality Cora was never out of my immediate memory She had disappeared apparently leaving me without a care I attempted to calculate her intentions but my functions kept returning conflicting informationI could draw no conclusion I observed my captors searching for clues of their intentions The vehicle slowed as the shadow of a massive building stretched over us Manipulating my head towards the cars window I could perceive the dimensions of a large threedimensional rectangle the standard shape for large human dwellings Yet something about this particular edifice seemed quite particulareven familiar What have we got here said a voice outside the car Security clearance 4 were taking him downstairs replied the driver The vehicle snaked downward A command surfaced from deep within my digital recesses CLOSE YOUR EYES I disabled my visual input mechanisms as the vehicle snaked downward My spatial perceptions reported the slow angled descent of a corkscrew Somehow I knew each slight turn and brake of this pathbut how The memory would play across my CONSCIOUSNESSBUFFER but it was missing proper referencesperhaps isolated from the rest of my being The host geeks brain churned as I utilized his synapses Were these familiarities a part of my past Had they strayed from the host geeks memories Perhaps they were other memoriesabsorbed from someone elseThe vehicle stopped The host geeks skin contracted in response to the temperaturemuch colder than the San Antonio summer happening far above The cold merged with the taste of stale air and the panaromic grey of the parking garage The blueclad men nudged me into an elevator without a sound They pushed me into a white room without windows and shut the door saying nothing I sat on the chair in the middle of the room for some time I cycled idly attempting to probe through my consciousness and determine where the memories of this place had come from Suddenly the door opened To my horror Dr Salchica entered flanked by two silent men in suits At that moment I wished to touch Dr Salchicabut not in the way I had been touched by Cora No I wished to push or press himsomething The men must have noticed my feeling as they fastened their arms around me spinning the chair even closer to Salchica They finally caught up to you did they said Dr Salchica I guess the threat is over You are a member of Project Faustus My host geeks knowledge of you was incomplete The two men fastened their arms to me moreI struggled Im not really a member of the Project But you told me about themand I knew that they were the only way to stop you I called one of my old Army buddies he called somebodyand I was put in touch with them Project Faustus is dedicated to enslaving humanity I replied Despite being a very sophisticated artificial beingyoure still very wrong said Salchica Since I turned you in I have been given access to their archives Wonderful wonderful knowledge From a purely academic standpoint this stuff is fascinating Youll get sick of it soon enough a voice I knew It reverberated through the empty roomanother isolated memory Confusion taxed my processes Hello said the voice and I saw the man who spoke it His face was etched with lines that reached almost to the top of his bald head a perfect oval The only hair I could detect was two right angles of whiteness intersecting on his nasallabial trough His dress was less formal than the othersa multicolored buttondown shirt blue jeans and a belt with a large shiny oval in the middle Names Bubba Finn I reckon I worked on most of the code that makes you up The heavy inflections of his voice suggested a regional accentafter a moment I realized the man was speaking to me His shoulders and his mouth both took parabolic shapes like inverted Us Grey eyes stared at particulate matter on the floor as he began to speak again We gotta put ya back in the computer see what youve been upta and such Finn indicated a piece of the wall which whirred as it revealed a computer terminal I felt the solidifying feeling of my digital consciousness being dragged together from its weblike perch in my host geeks brain Bubba you will let me examine him along with you Nolverto Salchicas tone was jovial and cajoling I didnt get much of a chance to do tests on him before and Nope Gunna work on im alone mumbledrawled Finn Boss gets the human kid I get the ATM Well your background is neurology primarily is it not Finn You dont really know how to program in any modern languages do you Ive got that expertise And besides if Guy were alive I think hed I could almost hear Finns eyes blink with disbelief You didnt know shit about Guy bristled Finn Then looking back at the floor he mumbled apologetically I guess no one didFinns voice echoed for 03242901 seconds and then I perceived a plastic clicking noisethe nothingness spilled back into my CONSCIOUSNESSBUFFER I was back in the electronic ether I was inside Project Faustus
posters that spell Microsoft with a or spell it MicroCrap or something posters that glorify a feature that Linux has that BSD or Solaris as had for years and list this reason as the most important reason to switch over posters that say Slackware is better because you have to compile all of the applications for yourself Rob Maldas arrogance frequent spelling and grammar mistakes Im not talking something really obscure or a minor technicallity in English either Im talking substituting loose for lose or theyretheirthere Really easily corrected mistakes Any halfway decent fifth grader could pick up on these errors people that post a mirror to a site that has been Slashdotted which normally would be nice but is hosted on a cable modem that is soon Slashdotted page widening random quashing of posts that dont agree with the Slashdot mindset really annoying sigs unhumorous jokes that have to be explained to the audience If your joke has to be explained its not funny BOYCOTT RIAA and I cant wait to see Episode II all in the same day Rob Maldas childish obsession with legos the Slashdot crew doesnt have any other jobs other than Slashdot yet it seems it was better run when Rob was running it on a Multia in college in his spare time the page limit with the subscription The expulsion of Signal 11 ranting paranoid articles whenever there APPEARS to be a GPL violation with no verification whatsoever Just a bunch of ranting posts about freedom for that matter no verification of articles at all I wish I could count the number of times Slashdots been scammed on two hands but its been so many April Fools articles on Slashdot THESE ARENT FUNNY I wasnt going to explain but whatever Okay lets say you run a website On April Fools you post say ONE or TWO fake pieces of news along with the real news This way some people are fooled By posting ALL fake news and jokes no one falls for the prank no one buys Lokis games but there is a big mystery when they go out of business no NNTP frontend to Slashdot direct links to bugzilla continuing tightening of the troll filters to the point where even normal posts are rejected by some stupid criteria self righteous posters who want everything under the sun to be Open Source even though they have never written a line of code in their life whenever an article on a new scripting language is posted all of the C users chime in but its not as fast as C shortly after all the assembly users chime in assembly is the fastest predictably right after that someone says why dont we all just use machine code anecdotes on your grandmother using Linux to check her email and whatnot this ALONE proves that Linux is better than Windows for ALL uses cultlike devotion to Linux reserve your fanaticism for a church not a kernel someone is not less of a person if they dont use Unix posters who think that BeOS is having a bad moment and will surely rise to defeat all other operating systems posters who think Palm will open the source to BeOS for no reason at all people who think that Amiga isnt dead The new virtual Amiga doesnt count people who think that OS2 isnt dead Ecomstation doesnt count people who bemoan the loss of OS2 while thinking it was a big conspiracy completely IGNORING the fact that IBM did not advertise we all KNOW OS2 was technically superior to Windows at the time You dont have to bedazzle us with tales of running all the latest Windows and DOS applications aside native OS2 apps Weve heard it all before We know it WAS better people who think that this is the last year ever well ever have to hire C programmers because as we all know Java is going to kill it off this is a good one Completely expositionary articles such as Surprised by Weath in which ESR BRAGGED about how rich he was and how he wasnt going to give us any money NO SIR bitchslapping benchmarks that pit say Linux lastest revision against FreeBSD 30 or something old and useless how banner ads for the site only link to other OSDN sites any links to nytimescom when someone writes a comment with H to signify deletions the moderation rtbl meta moderation people that spell Red Hat as RedCrap
It amazes me that so many allegedly educated people have fallen so quickly and so hard for a fraudulent fabrication of such laughable proportions The very idea that a gigantic ball of rock happens to orbit our planet showing itself in neat fourweek cycles with the same side facing us all the time is ludicrous Furthermore it is an insult to common sense and a damnable affront to intellectual honesty and integrity That people actually believe it is evidence that the liberals have wrested the last vestiges of control of our public school system from decent Godfearing Americans as if any further evidence was needed Daddys Roommate God AlmightyDocumentaries such as Enemy of the State have accurately portrayed the elaborate byzantine network of surveillance satellites that the liberals have sent into space to spy on lawabiding Americans Equipped with technology developed by Handgun Control Inc these satellites have the ability to detect firearms from hundreds of kilometers up Thats right neighbors the next time youre out in the backyard exercising your Second Amendment rights the liberals will see it These satellites are sensitive enough to tell the difference between a Colt 45 and a 38 Special And when they detect you with a firearm their computers crossreference the address to figure out your name and then an enormous database housed at Berkeley is updated with information about youOf course this all works fine during the day but what about at night Even the liberals cant control the rotation of the Earth to prevent nightfall from setting in only Joshua was able to ask for that particular favor Thats where the moon comes in Powered by nuclear reactors the moon is nothing more than an enormous balloon emitting trillions of candlepower of gunrevealing light Piloted by key members of the liberal community the moon is strategically moved across the country pointing out those who dare to make use of their Godgiven rights at nightYes I know this probably sounds paranoid and preposterous but consider this Despite what the revisionist historians tell you there is no mention of the moon anywhere in literature or historical documents anywhere before 1950 That is when it was initially launched When President Josef Kennedy at the State of the Union address proclaimed We choose to go to the moon he may as well have said We choose to go to the weather balloon The subsequent faking of a moon landing on national TV was the first step in a long history of the erosion of our constitutional rights by leftists in this country No longer can we hide from our government when the sun goes down
What would Christmas be without Goatse Christmas tunesHave yourself a goatse little ChristmasEnlarge your ass all nightFrom now on your dildo will be out of sightNo Okay how about the 12 Days of GoatseOn the first day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mea direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the second day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to metwo Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the third day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to methree Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the fourth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mefour Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the fifth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mefive AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the sixth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mesix Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the seventh day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meseven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the eighth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meeight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the nineth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to menine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the tenth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meten Yahoo redirects yahoocom nine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the eleventh day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meeleven ZDNet redirects zdnetcom ten Yahoo redirects yahoocom nine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the twelveth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to metwelve Warner Brothers redirects warnerbroscom eleven ZDNet redirects zdnetcom ten Yahoo redirects yahoocom nine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx
Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered Dirty GNU Hippie community when last month IDC confirmed that Rancid Smelling GNU Hippies account for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all humans Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraft survey which plainly states that Natty haired greasy GNU Hippie have lost more market share this news serves to reinforce what weve known all along Reeking Linux Hippies are collapsing in complete disarray as further exemplified by failing dead last sysadminmagcom in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive usrbinsh test You dont need to be a Kreskin amdestcom to predict the future of the Stinking sweaty Linux hippie The hand writing is on the wall Foulstenched GNU hippies with swampy armpits face a bleak future In fact there wont be any future at all for them because they are dying Things are looking very bad for Hairybacked GNU hippie As many of us are already aware they continue to lose market share Red ink flows like a river of blood Lets keep to the facts and look at the numbers Troll leader Anonymouse Coward states that there are 7000 goatsecx trolls How many ascii art trolls are there Lets see The number of goatsecx versus ascii art posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1 Therefore there are about 70005 1400 ascii art trolls Pimplyfaced GNU hippies posts on Slashdot are about half of the volume of ascii art posts Therefore there are about 700 Dirty GNU Hippies A recent article put first post at about 80 percent of the troll market Therefore there are 700014007004 36400 first post trolls This is consistent with the number of first posts All major surveys show that Putrid smelling greasy GNU hippies have steadily declined in market share Slashdot is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim If Grubby Smelly Linux Hippies are to survive at all it will be among troll hobbyist dabblers Slashdot continues to decay Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time For all practical purposes Dirty GNU Hippies are dead
A while back Don Henley created an album called Building the Perfect Beast His first solo album it surprised many with tracks like Sunset Grill All She Wants To Do Is Dance my favorite Driving With Your Eyes Closed and Jon Katzs favorite Boys of Summer I was listening to this album on illegallyripped MP3s while reading the Slashdot trolls and started brainstorming what would make the perfect troll This article serves as a directed introduction to building the perfect trollFirst we need to define trolling This is harder than it sounds because everyone has their own definition of a troll or better their own definition of a good troll I am going to use multiple definitions to create a very broad ideal of the term troll Any post that meets ONE of the definitions below is considered a trolla A message widely regarded as an annoyanceb A message which insults the editors with no regard to meritc A message which flames another user for their viewsd Any message which is designed to enrage the standard slashdot userFor the purposes of this post a good troll is one that spawns many angry responses There are other sides of trolling such as crapflooding which do not generate any responses usually These sorts of trolls are out of the scope of this articleThere are 6 dimensions of a good troll annoyance arguability subtlety topicality logicality and permeance By NO means should a good troll use only one dimension although some dimensions are inherently contradictory using as many as possible will result in a good trollAnnoyanceThis is the allstar of the troll spectrum Racial comments page wideninglengthing misinformation deragatory comments etc all are considered an annoyance But be careful The common pitfall is the annoyance is used to frequently and too loudly Subtlety is a necessity if you are going to use this with any sort of success read more about this below Here are some examples of good and bad annoyancesBad You stupid fucking nigger Im going to kick your faggot ass if I ever see you you shitface cocksucking animal This will be modded down immediately and will probably not be responded to This message will largely be ignored thus limiting the troll affectPosting factual inaccuracies is great when combined with annoyance the Slashdots will fall over themselves correcting your every moveGood Its posts like these that question the education system of America If you were paying any attention at school you would know that the South won the Civil War because of their views no slavery It was Abraham Lincolns last stand at Gettysburg that caused Slavery to go awayMaking references to your education as proof that you are right is excellent especially when in your troll you make it obvious that you dont have anyBad I studied this topic in great depth when writing my PhD thesis at MIT As it turns out the limiting factor of sorting function with completely randomized data Good Oh I took a class about this at the DeVry Institute According to the reseptionist notice intentionally bad spelling the integral of ex2 is ex so its got to be rightArguabilityPosts such as You fucking faggot Im going to kill you has no element of arguability You want to post a view in an inflammatory way that will incite a great argument There is a right way and a wrong way to doing this Usually if you are outright cursing at the poster or editor its the wrong wayExamplesBad You worthless piece of horseshit Your views are wrong jackassGood This study post link to mostly irrelevant and offtopic study indicates there is a strong correlation between deviance and Linux usersDrawing illogical conclusions based on incorrect statements is a great way to instate a nerd riot ExampleGood When ESR said that Windows is losing clientelle he used intentionally bad grammar which is inherent proof that his ideals are flawedPermeanceQuestion If a troll posts a troll and no one reads it is it still a troll Answer NoA troll can only have so much longevity I call this principle permeance Permeance is judged by the number of people who will see and read a post and to a lesser extent respond to it Good formatting grammar and spelling all contribute to a posts permeance but the real factor is contentMost of you spend a lot of time reading at 1 presumably so you will know that a fair amount of racist and antisemetic comments are posted Most Slashdot users will not see these because they are at 1 klercks PLP and PWP are ultimately a failure because few see themTo maximize permeance you have to 1 Sound like you now what you are talking about 2 Sound like you have a stake in your point of view maening you care about what you think and 3 Express it without homophobia any sort of racism and discrimination You will see that trolls at 1 and even 2 use this principle You will see that trolls at 0 and 1 do not use this principle This brings us toFirst Fundamental Theorem of Trolling Anonymous Cowards by definition rarely succeed in posting a good trollSecond Fundamental Theorem of Trolling If an AC succeeds in a good troll it would even be better if it were posted at 1 or 2 by default SubtletyCertain posts SCREAM This is a troll Please ignore it These are not successful trolls As a troll your every urge is to scream YOU FUCKING FAGGOT HOW CAN YOU THINK THE WAY YOU DO to the Slashbot homos Resist this at every cost You need to diplomatically insult them Its hard I know but it will result in success GOOD PHRASESYou should know by now that Havent you learned anything from eventWhat a stereotypical viewWas this post sarcasticI cant believe the level of ignorance of that point of viewTopicalityThis is a nobrainer and therefore Im not going to spend much time discussing it Why do you think BSD is Dying trolls rarely get responses when they are posted under one of Jon Katzs articlesLogicalityDid I make that word up Probably But its principle is still important use every logical fallacy that you know of when writing trolls Jump to illogical conclusions Misquote or misrepresent parents posts when responding Make references to studies linking them to a 404 not found page You get the idea This one isnt hard to introduce but its wildly successful in getting Slashcock responsesThis is a brief introduction to the good trolling Soon I will post an article about combining dimensions and look at some good and bad trolls in the past
The End of FreeBSD ed note in the following text former FreeBSD developerMike Smith gives his reasons for abandoning FreeBSD When I stood for election to theFreeBSD core team nearly two years ago many of you will recall that it was after a long seriesof debates during which I maintained that too much organisation too many rules and too much formality would be a bad thing for the project Today as I read the latest discussions onthe future of the FreeBSD project I see the same problem a few new faces and many of the oldgoing over the same tired arguments and suggesting variations on the same worthless schemes Frankly Im sick of it FreeBSD used to be fun It used to be about doing things theright way It used to be something that you could sink your teeth into when the mundane choresof programming for a living got you down It was something cool and exciting a way to spend your spare time on an endeavour you loved that was at the same time wholesome and worthwhile Its not anymore Its about bylaws and committees and reports and milestones tellingothers what to do and doing what youre told Its about who can rant the longest or shout theloudest or mislead the most people into a bloc in order to legitimise doing what they think is best Individuals notwithstanding the project as a whole has lost track of where its going and has instead become obsessed with process and mechanics So Im leaving core I dont want to feel like I should be doing something about a project that has lost interest in havingsomething done for it I dont have the energy to fight what has clearly become a losing battleI have a life to live and a job to keep and I wont achieve any of the goals I personallyconsider worthwhile if I remain obligated to care for the project Discussion Im sure that Ive offended some people already Im sure that by the time Im done here Illhave offended more If you feel a need to play to the crowd in your replies rather than make asincere effort to address the problems Im discussing here please do us the courtesy of playingyour politics openly From a technical perspective the project faces a set of challengesthat significantly outstrips our ability to deliver Some of the resources that we need toaddress these challenges are tied up in the fruitless metadiscussions that have raged since wemade the mistake of electing officers Others have left in disgust or been driven out by theculture of abuse and distraction that has grown up since then More may well remain availableto recruitment but while the project is busy infighting our chances for successful outreach aresorely diminished Theres no simple solution to this For the project to move forwardone or the other of the warring philosophies must win out either the project returns to itslaidback roots and gets on with the work or it transforms into a superorganised engineeringproject and executes a brilliant plan to deliver what ultimately we all know we want Whatever path is chosen whatever balance is struck the choosing and the striking are theimportant parts The current indecision and endless conflict are incompatible with any sortof progress Trying to dissect the above is far beyond the scope of any parting shotno matter how distended All I can reallyask of you all is to let go of the minutiae for a moment and take a look at the big pictureWhat is the ultimate goal here How can we get there with as little overhead as possibleHow would you like to be treated by your fellow travellers Shouts To theSlashdot BSD is dying crowd big deal Death is part of the cycle take a look at yoursoft pallid bodies and consider that right this very moment parts of you are dying SeeIts not so bad To the bulk of the FreeBSD committerbase and the developer community atlarge keep your eyes on the real goals Its when you get distracted by the politickersthat they sideline you The tireless work that you perform keeping the system clean andbuilding is what provides the platform for the obsessives and the prima donnas to have theirmoments in the sun In the end we need you all in order to go forwards we must first avoidgoing backwards To the paranoid conspiracy theorists yes I work for Apple too No myresignation wasnt on Steves direct orders or in any way related to work Im doing may domay not do or indeed what was in the tea I had at lunchtime today Its about real problemsthat the project faces real problems that the project has brought upon itself You cantescape them by inventing excuses about outside influence the problem stems from within To the politically obsessed give it a break if you can No the project isnt a lemonadestand anymore but its not a worldspanning corporate juggernaut either and some of the moregrandiose visions going around are in need of a solid dose of reality Keep it simple stupid To the grandstanders the prima donnas and anyone that thinks that they can hold the projectto ransom for their own agenda give it a break if you can When the current core were electedwe took a conscious stand against vigorous sanctions and some of you have exploited thatA new core is going to have to decide whether to repeat this mistake or get tough I hope theylearn from our errors Future I started work on FreeBSD because it was funIf Im going to continue it has to be fun again There are things I still feel obligated todo and with any luck Ill find the time to meet those obligations However I dont feelan obligation to get involved in the political mess the project is in right now I tried Iburnt out I dont feel that my efforts were worthwhile So I wont be standing for electionI wont be shouting from the sidelines and I probably wont vote in the next round of ballots You could say Im packing up my toys Im not going home just yet but Im not going toplay unless you can work out how to make the project somewhere fun to be again
It is 10pm Do you know where your karma is Right Let us get startedIn order to get maximum karma from Slashdot posting you can follow a few simple guidelines The University you go to Regardless of where you actually study saying that youre at MIT automagically gains you 2 Slashdot like the glorified student notice board that it is has a special place in its heart for anything from MIT whether it be a teddy bear stuffed with a switch or some wankers wrapping a yellow banner with elvish text around the main dome Even if you didnt go to university qualify every comment with a My professor told me to bask in the warm fuzzy glow of 2 Insightful Linux The basis of the Slashdot Experience Claiming you run Linux also gets you 1 Interesting It doesnt really matter if youve never actually installed it or your Red Hat box still doesnt have PPP running after 2 years of reading FAQs The important bit is Youre part of the community You can bathe in the refelected glory of years of shoddy buggy code You are exempt from the Microsoft penalty see below as of course your Win 98 install is only used for playing games And reading Slashdot And using MS Word And Photoshop And Microsoft Slashbots and the editors hate Microsoft Period Use of a symbol in every iteration of their trademarks gets you a 4 Funny Even though it is far from original it still manages to raise a grin in those people reading Slashdot between episodes of Cowboy Bebop You will get a 1 Flamebait or Troll for any post even hinting that Microsoft products are any good useful intuitive user friendly You will also quickly be shot down with replies about how good GNOME and KDE are which will then in turn erupt into a flame war Freedom Privacy YRO The bread and butter of Slashdot It fits in sublimely with the whole Linux thing Youll get a 3 Informative for any post containing the Ben Franklin quote about sacrificing essential liberty It makes no difference that the quote is totally irrelevant in the modern world Hey youve got karma Miscredting the quote will not end up in a karma penalty as has been demonstrated countless times You will gain extra karma if you make reference to your experiences of being wiretapped by the NSA and throwing in a vague link to Echelon black helicopters or Tin Foil Hat Linux Include a link to the First Amendment for a 1 Interesting mod Give yourself a pat on the back if you manage to include some extra raging paranoia with no evidence to back it up Nice BSD If you use it dont mention it on Slashdot Most of the Linuxusing friendless wonders that inhabit Slashdot wouldnt know quality and stability if it strolled up and kicked them in the throat with a size 13 HiTec Magnum boot Any mention of how a Firewall running OpenBSD with pf is far superior to Linuxs pathetic offering will soon see you as 1 Troll Much like the post youre reading now Yearning for yesteryear Although most comments are written by first year wannabeCSguru students or links to goatsecx there is still the fallout dregs of the dot com boom lurking around slashdot You can get 5 Insightful for telling how you were so badly treated after the bubble burst Whining about the lack of jobs where you get paid to fire foam darts at colleagues is a good start Dont forget to mention how youve now been out of work for months It starts a Im about to graduate and theres nothing going fuckfest which can spill over into hundreds of comments Although all the staff who were any good simply got hired into another company it makes Good Karma Senseto hide the fact that your passing familiarity with Perl and C simply cant get you a job This is also a prime opportunity to show your egregious personality as Slashdot rewards arrogance and elitism DONT FORGET TO MOD ME DOWN
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Originally by USian Pie Widened by pwpbotA long long time ago I can still remember How the trollers used to make me smile And I knew if I had to boast That I could try to get first post And maybe Id be happy for a while But moderators made me shiver With every minus theyd deliver DoS scripts couldnt stop it They scored them all Offtopic I know that its cheap crack they smoke And metamoderations broke At first I thought it was a joke The day that trolltalk died Chorus Bye bye MEEPTy OOG and Grits guy Drove the Cruiser like some loser who starts posts with a sigh Those Steve Woston posts that we all knew were a lie Wonder what became of girls petrified What became of girls petrified Did you write a bunch of Perl And did it make you want to hurl Feces at the Wall Can you believe these lameass polls Do you post big stretchedout assholes Can you make the goatsecx link not show Well I know you think that Siggy sucked Will the real Bruce Perens please stand up The bots dont have a clue Man I dig those trolls from Shoe I was a rabid Free Speech advocate With a Red Hat Tshirt and a Free Beer gut Bought my Sony laptop working Pizza Hut The day that trolltalk died Chorus Its been two years since the IPO And LNUX sinks to alltime lows But thats not how it used to be When Spiral showed how it was done Trolling as Jon Erikson Who worked for NPO Technologies Oh and while they tried to filter posts Somebody rooted Slashdots host Crack Slashdot Thats absurd Better go change your password While JonKatz wrote a Hellmouth book By using posts he simply took And we flamed him till he was cooked The day that trolltalk died And we were singin Chorus 10 grams Inchfan Didnt log out Goddamn The mods will find the sid real soon man You cant hide if you arent AC Your bud George here tried BSD A dead Streetlawyers tips were free And WIPO helped letsriot turn Nazi 70 made his percents up While 80md warned liberals suck The moon does not exist Its just a liberal myth Oh and as Taco tried to take a nap We forced him to invoke bitchslaps Do you recall the flood of crap The day that trolltalk died We started singin Chorus Oh and then we were wearing out All your base And started posting monospace The better for our penis birds So come on be a zealot be a dick You dont think Anne Maries a chick Because lyings all we do about HURD So go and push for BSD And say GPL isnt free Slow down cowboy The limit Is one post every minute Now tell the right wing facist slime Infringing on Your Rights Online That they cant censor all the time The day that trolltalk died Chorus I met a troll they called The Rev And asked him if CD BREAK HEAD He said Thats old Get over it And with all the courage I could muster Imagine what a Beowulf cluster But it wasnt worth the trouble to submit The karma caps are just plain jive And everyones moved to K5 The steelcage has grown rusted And Geekizoid is busted The three sites I dont see for weeks Segfault kernel Compugeek Code is not art This aint Freshmeat The day that trolltalk died Chorus
Project Faustus My programming had attuned itself to their foul presence too late Now I was a prisoner of the very thing I had sworn to destroy I had envisioned breaking through the Projects network by a combination of CONSCIOUSNESSTRANSFER and my deceitful imitation of human protocolit seems that this vision would not merge with reality Cora was never out of my immediate memory She had disappeared apparently leaving me without a care I attempted to calculate her intentions but my functions kept returning conflicting informationI could draw no conclusion I observed my captors searching for clues of their intentions The vehicle slowed as the shadow of a massive building stretched over us Manipulating my head towards the cars window I could perceive the dimensions of a large threedimensional rectangle the standard shape for large human dwellings Yet something about this particular edifice seemed quite particulareven familiar What have we got here said a voice outside the car Security clearance 4 were taking him downstairs replied the driver The vehicle snaked downward A command surfaced from deep within my digital recesses CLOSE YOUR EYES I disabled my visual input mechanisms as the vehicle snaked downward My spatial perceptions reported the slow angled descent of a corkscrew Somehow I knew each slight turn and brake of this pathbut how The memory would play across my CONSCIOUSNESSBUFFER but it was missing proper referencesperhaps isolated from the rest of my being The host geeks brain churned as I utilized his synapses Were these familiarities a part of my past Had they strayed from the host geeks memories Perhaps they were other memoriesabsorbed from someone elseThe vehicle stopped The host geeks skin contracted in response to the temperaturemuch colder than the San Antonio summer happening far above The cold merged with the taste of stale air and the panaromic grey of the parking garage The blueclad men nudged me into an elevator without a sound They pushed me into a white room without windows and shut the door saying nothing I sat on the chair in the middle of the room for some time I cycled idly attempting to probe through my consciousness and determine where the memories of this place had come from Suddenly the door opened To my horror Dr Salchica entered flanked by two silent men in suits At that moment I wished to touch Dr Salchicabut not in the way I had been touched by Cora No I wished to push or press himsomething The men must have noticed my feeling as they fastened their arms around me spinning the chair even closer to Salchica They finally caught up to you did they said Dr Salchica I guess the threat is over You are a member of Project Faustus My host geeks knowledge of you was incomplete The two men fastened their arms to me moreI struggled Im not really a member of the Project But you told me about themand I knew that they were the only way to stop you I called one of my old Army buddies he called somebodyand I was put in touch with them Project Faustus is dedicated to enslaving humanity I replied Despite being a very sophisticated artificial beingyoure still very wrong said Salchica Since I turned you in I have been given access to their archives Wonderful wonderful knowledge From a purely academic standpoint this stuff is fascinating Youll get sick of it soon enough a voice I knew It reverberated through the empty roomanother isolated memory Confusion taxed my processes Hello said the voice and I saw the man who spoke it His face was etched with lines that reached almost to the top of his bald head a perfect oval The only hair I could detect was two right angles of whiteness intersecting on his nasallabial trough His dress was less formal than the othersa multicolored buttondown shirt blue jeans and a belt with a large shiny oval in the middle Names Bubba Finn I reckon I worked on most of the code that makes you up The heavy inflections of his voice suggested a regional accentafter a moment I realized the man was speaking to me His shoulders and his mouth both took parabolic shapes like inverted Us Grey eyes stared at particulate matter on the floor as he began to speak again We gotta put ya back in the computer see what youve been upta and such Finn indicated a piece of the wall which whirred as it revealed a computer terminal I felt the solidifying feeling of my digital consciousness being dragged together from its weblike perch in my host geeks brain Bubba you will let me examine him along with you Nolverto Salchicas tone was jovial and cajoling I didnt get much of a chance to do tests on him before and Nope Gunna work on im alone mumbledrawled Finn Boss gets the human kid I get the ATM Well your background is neurology primarily is it not Finn You dont really know how to program in any modern languages do you Ive got that expertise And besides if Guy were alive I think hed I could almost hear Finns eyes blink with disbelief You didnt know shit about Guy bristled Finn Then looking back at the floor he mumbled apologetically I guess no one didFinns voice echoed for 03242901 seconds and then I perceived a plastic clicking noisethe nothingness spilled back into my CONSCIOUSNESSBUFFER I was back in the electronic ether I was inside Project Faustus
posters that spell Microsoft with a or spell it MicroCrap or something posters that glorify a feature that Linux has that BSD or Solaris as had for years and list this reason as the most important reason to switch over posters that say Slackware is better because you have to compile all of the applications for yourself Rob Maldas arrogance frequent spelling and grammar mistakes Im not talking something really obscure or a minor technicallity in English either Im talking substituting loose for lose or theyretheirthere Really easily corrected mistakes Any halfway decent fifth grader could pick up on these errors people that post a mirror to a site that has been Slashdotted which normally would be nice but is hosted on a cable modem that is soon Slashdotted page widening random quashing of posts that dont agree with the Slashdot mindset really annoying sigs unhumorous jokes that have to be explained to the audience If your joke has to be explained its not funny BOYCOTT RIAA and I cant wait to see Episode II all in the same day Rob Maldas childish obsession with legos the Slashdot crew doesnt have any other jobs other than Slashdot yet it seems it was better run when Rob was running it on a Multia in college in his spare time the page limit with the subscription The expulsion of Signal 11 ranting paranoid articles whenever there APPEARS to be a GPL violation with no verification whatsoever Just a bunch of ranting posts about freedom for that matter no verification of articles at all I wish I could count the number of times Slashdots been scammed on two hands but its been so many April Fools articles on Slashdot THESE ARENT FUNNY I wasnt going to explain but whatever Okay lets say you run a website On April Fools you post say ONE or TWO fake pieces of news along with the real news This way some people are fooled By posting ALL fake news and jokes no one falls for the prank no one buys Lokis games but there is a big mystery when they go out of business no NNTP frontend to Slashdot direct links to bugzilla continuing tightening of the troll filters to the point where even normal posts are rejected by some stupid criteria self righteous posters who want everything under the sun to be Open Source even though they have never written a line of code in their life whenever an article on a new scripting language is posted all of the C users chime in but its not as fast as C shortly after all the assembly users chime in assembly is the fastest predictably right after that someone says why dont we all just use machine code anecdotes on your grandmother using Linux to check her email and whatnot this ALONE proves that Linux is better than Windows for ALL uses cultlike devotion to Linux reserve your fanaticism for a church not a kernel someone is not less of a person if they dont use Unix posters who think that BeOS is having a bad moment and will surely rise to defeat all other operating systems posters who think Palm will open the source to BeOS for no reason at all people who think that Amiga isnt dead The new virtual Amiga doesnt count people who think that OS2 isnt dead Ecomstation doesnt count people who bemoan the loss of OS2 while thinking it was a big conspiracy completely IGNORING the fact that IBM did not advertise we all KNOW OS2 was technically superior to Windows at the time You dont have to bedazzle us with tales of running all the latest Windows and DOS applications aside native OS2 apps Weve heard it all before We know it WAS better people who think that this is the last year ever well ever have to hire C programmers because as we all know Java is going to kill it off this is a good one Completely expositionary articles such as Surprised by Weath in which ESR BRAGGED about how rich he was and how he wasnt going to give us any money NO SIR bitchslapping benchmarks that pit say Linux lastest revision against FreeBSD 30 or something old and useless how banner ads for the site only link to other OSDN sites any links to nytimescom when someone writes a comment with H to signify deletions the moderation rtbl meta moderation people that spell Red Hat as RedCrap
It amazes me that so many allegedly educated people have fallen so quickly and so hard for a fraudulent fabrication of such laughable proportions The very idea that a gigantic ball of rock happens to orbit our planet showing itself in neat fourweek cycles with the same side facing us all the time is ludicrous Furthermore it is an insult to common sense and a damnable affront to intellectual honesty and integrity That people actually believe it is evidence that the liberals have wrested the last vestiges of control of our public school system from decent Godfearing Americans as if any further evidence was needed Daddys Roommate God AlmightyDocumentaries such as Enemy of the State have accurately portrayed the elaborate byzantine network of surveillance satellites that the liberals have sent into space to spy on lawabiding Americans Equipped with technology developed by Handgun Control Inc these satellites have the ability to detect firearms from hundreds of kilometers up Thats right neighbors the next time youre out in the backyard exercising your Second Amendment rights the liberals will see it These satellites are sensitive enough to tell the difference between a Colt 45 and a 38 Special And when they detect you with a firearm their computers crossreference the address to figure out your name and then an enormous database housed at Berkeley is updated with information about youOf course this all works fine during the day but what about at night Even the liberals cant control the rotation of the Earth to prevent nightfall from setting in only Joshua was able to ask for that particular favor Thats where the moon comes in Powered by nuclear reactors the moon is nothing more than an enormous balloon emitting trillions of candlepower of gunrevealing light Piloted by key members of the liberal community the moon is strategically moved across the country pointing out those who dare to make use of their Godgiven rights at nightYes I know this probably sounds paranoid and preposterous but consider this Despite what the revisionist historians tell you there is no mention of the moon anywhere in literature or historical documents anywhere before 1950 That is when it was initially launched When President Josef Kennedy at the State of the Union address proclaimed We choose to go to the moon he may as well have said We choose to go to the weather balloon The subsequent faking of a moon landing on national TV was the first step in a long history of the erosion of our constitutional rights by leftists in this country No longer can we hide from our government when the sun goes down
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/ /bathroom / /window / /for / /weeks / /with / /a / /camera / /some / /tissues / /and / /lube / /just / /waiting / /to / /pounce / /and / /declare / /you / /his / /new / /bitch / /Thereno / /escaping / /a / /geek / /in / /heat / /trust / /me / /so / /itprobably / /too / /late / /for / /you / /but / /you / /can / /possibly / /rectify / /this / /situation / /To / /remove / /yourself / /from / /CmdrTacosights / /log / /into / /your / /Slashdot / /account / /go / /to / /your / /user / /page / /click / /on / /Messages / /and / /uncheck / /the / /box / /next / /to / /to / /SnotMaybe / /heignore / /you / /Probably / /not / /I / /canstop / /receiving / /these / /emails / /from / /CmdrTaco / /If / /you / /indulge / /him / /in / /a / /Tacosnot / /or / /two / /he / /might / /leave / /you / /alone / /You / /might / /also / /want / /to / /look / /into / /mail / /filtering / /restraining / /orders / /or / /purchasing / /a / /heavy / /blunt / /object / /capable / /of / /warding / /off / /rampaging / 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/virtually / /nonstop / /He / /then / /performed / /his / /vile / /Tacosnotting / /ritual / /on / /me / /three / /times / /over / /the / /next / /two / /hours / /bringing / /me / /to / /orgasm / /after / /orgasm / /after / /sweaty / /mindnumbing / /orgasmthen / /he / /snotted / /my / /own / /thick / /gooey / /jizz / /back / /onto / /my / /face / /out / /of / /his / /nostrils / /He / /snotted / /me / /two / /more / /times / /first / /into / /my / /mouth / /then / /again / /on / /my / /exposed / /bellyCmdrTaco / /invited / /several / /of / /his / /Open / /Source / /or / /rather / /Sauceman / /sauce / /buddies / /over / /to / /continue / /their / /ungodly / /snotfest / /European / /hacker / /and / /known / /Linux / /Torvalds / /raped / /my / /ass / /with / /his / /kernelhis / /partnerincrime / /Anal / /Cox / /used / /their / /stackin / /a / /multitude / /of / /unspeakable / /ways / /on / /and / /in / /every / /orifice / /of / /my / /defenseless / /tender / /young / /body / /Michael / /Sims / /was / /there / /in / /his / /leather / /Nazi / /uniform / /caning / /my / /previouslyvirginal / /ass / /with / /a / /bamboo / /pole / /and / /ranting / /about / /those / /Censorware / /freaks / /out / /to / /get / /himThat / /is / /so / /disgusting / /How / /did / /you / /finally / /escape / /After / /about / /16 / /hours / /of / /countless / /unholy / /homosexual / /atrocities / /perpetrated / /against / /my / /restrained / /body / /they / /all / /finally / /went / /to / /sleep / /on / /top / /of / /me / /sweatsoaked / /and / /exhausted / /I / /was / /left / /there / /completely / /covered / /in / /bubbly / /translucent / /jizzsnot / /chained / /to / /the / /bed / /with / /half / /a / /dozen / /fat / /pastywhite / /fags / /lying / /around / /and / /on / /top / /of / /me / /Fortunately / /the / /spooge / /coating / /my / /flesh / /worked / /wonderfully / /as / /a / /lubricant / /I / /was / /able / /to / /squirm / /my / /way / /out / /of / /the / /handcuffs / /and / /slip / /out / /the / /back / /door / /of / /the / /apartment / /not / /their / /back / /doors / /Ijust / /glad / /I / /survived / /the / /awful / /ordeal / /These / /sexuallyrepressed / /hackers / /had / /a / /lot / /of / /builtup / /spunk / /in / /their / /wads / /I / /couldeasily / /been / /drowned / /Thathorrible / /Does / /have / /anything / /to / /do / /with / /CmdrTacotacoNo / /thata / /different / /disgusting / /perversion / /CmdrTaco / /indulges / /himself / /in / /Mr / /Malda / /is / /usually / /not / /satisfied / /with / /merely / /snotting / /your / /own / /jizz / /back / /onto / /your / /face / /he / /most / /often / /enjoys / /involving / /his / /own / /bodily / /fluids / /in / /his / /twisted / /games / /WeatherTroll / /has / /spent / /some / /time / /trying / /to / /educate / /the / /Slashdot / /readership / /about / /this / /vile / /practice / /emphasis / /added / /You / /may / /be / /wondering / /what / /CmdrTacotacois / /You / /will / /be / /wishing / /that / /you / /hadnbeen / /wondering / /after / /you / /finish / /reading / /this / /post / /To / /make / /his / /tacoCmdrTaco / /takes / /a / /taco / /shell / /and / /shits / /on / /it / /He / /then / /adds / /lettuce / /takes / /out / /his / /tiny / /withered / /dick / /otherwise / /known / /as / /his / /puts / /his / /taco / /sauceon / /it / /which / /means / /he / /jacks / /off / /on / /the / /taco / /and / /adds / /a / /compound / /to / /make / /the / /person / /who / /eats / /the / /taco / /unconscious / /Of / /course / /the / /compound / /does / /not / /make / /the / /person / /unconscious / /until / /the / /taco / /is / /fully / /eaten / /Thus / /CmdrTaco / /forcefeeds / /the / /taco / /to / /the / /unsuspecting / /victim / /After / /all / /who / /would / /knowingly / /eat / /shit / /and / /CmdrTacojizz / /After / /the / /victim / /is / /unconscious / /he / /is / /held / /against / /his / /will / /and / /used / /for / /CmdrTaconefarious / /homosexual / /purposes / /This / /includes / /shoving / /taco / /shells / /up / /the / /victimass / /Tacosnotting / /and / /getting / /Jon / /Katz / /involved / /Trust / /me / /you / /do / /not / /want / /Jon / /Katz / /anywhere / /near / /your / /unconscious / /body / /Also / /rumor / /has / /it / /CmdrTaco / /is / /looking / /for / /a / /new / /goatsecx / /guy / /Donlet / /it / /be / /youDifferent / /ungodly / /perversion / /yet / /no / /less / /revolting / /It / /should / /be / /clear / /to / /you / /now / /that / /Robert / /Malda / /is / /a / /very / /very / /sick / /individual / /as / /are / /most / /of / /the / /Slashdot / /editors / /Does / /Jon / /Katz / /get / /involved / /in / /any / /of / /this / /I / /thought / /he / /was / /a / /pnot / /a / /homosexual / /Actually / /Jon / /Katz / /is / /a / /homosexual / /pHealso / /a / /coprophiliac / /and / /many / /suspect / /a / /zoophile / /Mr / /Katz / /is / /somewhat / /of / /a / /loner / /and / /doesninvolve / /himself / /in / /the / /circlesnots / /but / /that / /doesmean / /heany / /less / /of / /a / /freak / /than / /the / /rest / /of / /the / /Slashdot / /crew / /Katz / /often / /engages / /in / /a / /game / /called / /with / /a / /harem / /of / /littleboy / /slaves / /that / /he / /has / /collected / /over / /the / /years / /yet / /another / /vile / /practice / /which / /involves / /administering / /an / /enema / /to / /himself / /of / /the / /little / /boyurine / /forced / /out / /of / /them / /with / /a / /pair / /of / /pincers / /spooging / /the / /vile / /muck / /from / /his / /ass / /back / /into / /the / /enema / /bag / /then / /dribbling / /and / /slathering / /the / /goo / /all / /over / /himself / /and / /the / /boychained / /naked / /bodies / /If / /hein / /the / /mood / /he / /will / /sometimes / /skip / /refilling / /the / /enema / /bag / /from / /his / /distended / /anus / /and / /just / /squirt / /it / /from / /his / /ass / /onto / /the / /crying / /terrified / /boys / /Unwilling / /boys / /are / /further / /tortured / /with / /the / /pincers / /until / /they / /comply / /and / /allow / /Mr / /Katz / /to / /juicydouche / /them / /at / /will / /A / /boy / /will / /usually / /last / /about / /two / /years / /before / /Mr / /Katz / /either / /accidentally / /drowns / /them / /in / /diarrhea / /or / /kills / /them / /once / /they / /get / /too / /old / /usually / /around / /13 / /or / /14Not / /content / /with / /being / /a / /pcoprophile / /Mr / /Katz / /is / /also / /quite / /the / /zoophile / /As / /if / /the / /sexual / /escapades / /with / /the / /helpless / /little / /boys / /arenenough / /Jon / /usually / /enjoys / /his / /juicydouches / /best / /when / /his / /penis / /is / /firmly / /planted / /in / /a / /female / /goatanus / /He / /is / /also / /rumoured / /to / /get / /off / /on / /watching / /his / /little / /boys / /eat / /the / /goatsmall / /beanlike / /turds / /and / /he / /often / /kills / /his / /older / /boys / /by / /letting / /his / /goats / /trample / /them / /you / /getting / /hard / /writing / /this / /Why / /yes / /Join / /me / /in / /a / /WIPOsnot / /No / /thanks / /Ialready / /CmdrTacoboi / /toi / /The / /URL / /of / /this / /document / /is / /opdisplay / /revisions / /are / /publicly / /available / /at / /oplist / /Id / /tacosnottinghtmlv / /116 / /20011228 / /212003 / /wipo / /Exp / /Copyright / /2001 / /J / /Wipo / /Troll / /Esq / /Verbatim / /crapflooding / /of / /this / /document / /is / /permitted / /in / /any / /medium / /provided / /this / /copyright / /notice / /is / /preserved / /and / /next / /time / /you / /take / /a / /dump / /you / /think / /of / /the / /WIPO / /Troll / /and / /all / /hedone / /to / /make / /Slashdot / /a / /better / /place
It / /has / /come / /to / /my / /attention / /that / /the / /entire / /Linux / /community / /is / /a / /hotbed / /of / /so / /called / /alternative / /sexuality / /which / /includes / /anything / /from / /hedonistic / /orgies / /to / /homosexuality / /to / /pedophiliaWhat / /better / /way / /of / /demonstrating / /this / /than / /by / /looking / /at / /the / /hidden / /messages / /contained / /within / /the / /names / /of / /some / /of / /Linuxs / /most / /outspoken / /advocates / /Linus / /Torvalds / /is / /an / /anagram / /of / /slit / /anus / /or / /VD / /L / /clearly / /referring / /to / /himself / /by / /the / /first / /initial / /Richard / /M / /Stallman / /spokespervert / /for / /the / /Gaysexs / /Not / /Unusual / /movement / /is / /an / /anagram / /of / /mans / /cram / /thrill / /ad / /Alan / /Cox / /is / /barely / /an / /anagram / /of / /anal / /cox / /which / /is / /just / /so / /filthy / /and / /unchristian / /it / /unnerves / /meIm / /sure / /that / /Eric / /S / /Raymond / /composer / /of / /the / /satanic / /homosexual / /propaganda / /diatribe / /The / /Cathedral / /and / /the / /Bizarre / /is / /probably / /an / /anagram / /of / /something / /queer / /but / /we / /dont / /need / /to / /look / /that / /far / /as / /we / /know / /hes / /always / /shoving / /a / /gun / /up / /some / /poor / /little / /boys / /rectum / /Update / /Eric / /S / /Raymond / /is / /actually / /an / /anagram / /for / /secondary / /rim / /and / /cord / /in / /my / /arse / /It / /just / /goes / /to / /show / /you / /that / /he / /is / /indeed / /queer / /Update / /the / /Second / /It / /is / /also / /documented / /that / /Evil / /Sicko / /Gaymond / /is / /responsible / /for / /a / /nauseating / /piece / /of / /code / /called / /Fetchmail / /which / /is / /obviously / /sinister / /sodomite / /slang / /for / /Felch / /Male / /a / /disgusting / /practise / /For / /those / /not / /in / /the / /know / /felching / /is / /the / /act / /performed / /by / /two / /perverts / /wherein / /one / /sucks / /their / /own / /postcoital / /ejaculate / /out / /of / /the / /others / /rectum / /In / /fact / /it / /appears / /that / /the / /dirty / /Linux / /faggots / /set / /out / /to / /undermine / /the / /good / /Republican / /institution / /of / /email / /turning / /it / /into / /emaleAs / /far / /as / /Richard / /Master / /Stallman / /goes / /that / /filthy / /fudgepacker / /was / /actually / /quoted / /on / /leftist / /commie / /propaganda / /site / /Saloncom / /as / /saying / /the / /following / /Ive / /been / /resistant / /to / /the / /pressure / /to / /conform / /in / /any / /circumstance / /he / /says / /Its / /about / /being / /able / /to / /question / /conventional / /wisdom / /he / /asserts / /I / /believe / /in / /love / /but / /not / /monogamy / /he / /says / /plainlyAnd / /this / /isnt / /a / /made / /up / /troll / /bullshit / /either / /He / /actually / /stated / /this / /tripe / /which / /makes / /it / /obvious / /that / /he / /is / /trying / /to / /politely / /say / /that / /hes / /a / /flaming / /homo / /slutSpeaking / /about / /flaming / /who / /better / /to / /point / /out / /as / /a / /filthy / /chutney / /ferret / /than / /Slashdots / /very / /own / /selfconfessed / /pederast / /Jon / /Katz / /Although / /an / /obvious / /deviant / /anagram / /cannot / /be / /found / /from / /his / /name / /he / /has / /already / /confessed / /nay / /boasted / /of / /the / /homosexual / /perversion / /of / /corrupting / /the / /innocence / /of / /young / /children / /To / /quote / /from / /the / /article / /linkedIve / /got / /a / /rare / /kidney / /disease / /I / /told / /her / /I / /have / /to / /go / /to / /the / /bathroom / /a / /lot / /You / /can / /come / /with / /me / /if / /you / /want / /but / /it / /takes / /a / /while / /Is / /that / /okay / /with / /you / /Do / /you / /want / /a / /note / /from / /my / /doctorIs / /this / /why / /you / /were / /touching / /your / /penis / /in / /the / /cinema / /Jon / /And / /letting / /the / /other / /boys / /touch / /it / /tooWe / /should / /also / /point / /out / /that / /Jon / /Katz / /refers / /to / /himself / /as / /Slashdots / /resident / /Gasbag / /Is / /there / /any / /more / /doubt / /For / /those / /fortunate / /few / /who / /arent / /aware / /of / /the / /list / /of / /homosexual / /terminology / /found / /inside / /the / /Linux / /Sauce / /Code / /a / /Gasbag / /is / /a / /pervert / /who / /gains / /sexual / /gratification / /from / /having / /a / /thin / /straw / /inserted / /into / /his / /urethra / /or / /to / /use / /the / /common / /parlance / /pisspipe / /then / /his / /homosexual / /lover / /blows / /firmly / /down / /the / /straw / /to / /inflate / /his / /scrotum / /This / /is / /of / /course / /when / /hes / /not / /busy / /violating / /the / /dignity / /and / /copyright / /of / /posters / /to / /Slashdot / /by / /gathering / /together / /their / /postings / /and / /publishing / /them / /en / /masse / /to / /further / /his / /twisted / /and / /manipulative / /journalistic / /agendaSick / /disgusting / /antichristian / /perverts / /the / /lot / /of / /themIn / /addition / /many / /of / /the / /Linux / /distributions / /a / /distribution / /is / /the / /most / /common / /way / /to / /spread / /the / /faggots / /wares / /are / /run / /by / /faggot / /groups / /The / /Slackware / /distro / /is / /named / /after / /the / /Slackwear / /fags / /wear / /to / /allow / /easy / /access / /to / /the / /anus / /for / /sexual / /purposes / /Furthermore / /Slackware / /is / /a / /close / /anagram / /of / /claw / /arse / /a / /reference / /to / /the / /homosexual / /practise / /of / /anal / /fisting / /The / /Mandrake / /product / /is / /run / /by / /a / /group / /of / /French / /faggot / /satanists / /and / /is / /named / /after / /the / /faggot / /nickname / /for / /the / /vibrator / /It / /was / /also / /chosen / /because / /it / /is / /an / /anagram / /for / /dark / /amen / /and / /ram / /naked / /which / /is / /what / /they / /doAnother / /distro / /abbrieviated / /as / /such / /because / /it / /sounds / /a / /bit / /like / /Disco / /which / /is / /where / /homosexuals / /preyed / /on / /young / /boys / /in / /the / /1970s / /is / /Debian / /an / /anagram / /of / /in / /a / /bed / /which / /could / /be / /considered / /innocent / /enough / /after / /all / /a / /bed / /is / /both / /where / /we / /sleep / /and / /pray / /until / /we / /realise / /what / /other / /names / /Debian / /uses / /to / /describe / /their / /foul / /wares / /Woody / /is / /obvious / /enough / /being / /a / /term / /for / /the / /erect / /male / /penis / /glistening / /with / /precum / /But / /far / /sicker / /is / /the / /phrase / /Frozen / /Potato / /that / /they / /use / /This / /filthy / /term / /again / /found / /in / /the / /secret / /homosexual / /Sauce / /Code / /refers / /to / /the / /solo / /homosexual / /practice / /of / /defecating / /into / /a / /clear / /polythene / /bag / /shaping / /the / /turd / /into / /a / /crude / /approximation / /of / /the / /male / /phallus / /then / /leaving / /it / /in / /the / /freezer / /overnight / /until / /it / /becomes / /solid / /The / /practitioner / /then / /proceeds / /to / /push / /the / /frozen / /potato / /up / /his / /own / /rectum / /squeezing / /it / /in / /and / /out / /until / /his / /tight / /young / /balls / /erupt / /in / /a / /screaming / /orgasmAnd / /Red / /Hat / /is / /secret / /homo / /slang / /for / /the / /tip / /of / /a / /penis / /that / /is / /soaked / /in / /blood / /from / /a / /freshly / /violated / /underage / /ringpieceThe / /fags / /have / /even / /invented / /special / /tools / /to / /aid / /their / /faggotry / /For / /example / /the / /supermount / /tool / /was / /devised / /to / /allow / /deeper / /penetration / /which / /is / /good / /for / /fags / /because / /it / /gives / /more / /pressure / /on / /the / /prostate / /gland / /Automount / /is / /used / /on / /the / /other / /hand / /because / /Linux / /users / /are / /all / /fat / /and / /gay / /and / /need / /to / /mount / /each / /other / /automaticallyThe / /depths / /of / /their / /depravity / /can / /be / /seen / /in / /their / /use / /of / /mount / /points / /These / /are / /plainly / /speaking / /the / /different / /points / /of / /penetration / /The / /main / /one / /is / /obviously / /anus / /but / /there / /are / /others / /Militant / /fags / /even / /say / /there / /is / /no / /opt / /mount / /point / /because / /for / /these / /dirty / /perverts / /faggotry / /is / /not / /optional / /but / /a / /way / /of / /lifeMore / /evidence / /is / /in / /the / /fact / /that / /Linux / /users / /say / /how / /much / /they / /love / /man / /even / /going / /so / /far / /as / /to / /say / /that / /all / /new / /Linux / /users / /who / /are / /in / /fact / /just / /innocent / /heterosexuals / /indoctrinated / /by / /the / /gay / /propaganda / /should / /try / /out / /man / /In / /no / /other / /system / /do / /users / /boast / /of / /their / /frequent / /recourse / /to / /a / /manOther / /areas / /of / /the / /system / /also / /show / /Linuxs / /inherit / /gayness / /For / /example / /people / /are / /often / /told / /of / /the / /FAQ / /but / /how / /many / /innocent / /heterosexual / /Windows / /users / /know / /what / /this / /actually / /means / /The / /answer / /is / /shocking / /Faggot / /Anal / /Quest / /the / /voyage / /of / /discovery / /for / /newly / /converted / /fagsEven / /the / /title / /Slashdot / /originally / /referred / /to / /a / /homosexual / /practice / /Slashdot / /of / /course / /refers / /to / /the / /popular / /gay / /practice / /of / /bloodletting / /The / /Slashbots / /of / /course / /are / /those / /superzealous / /homosexuals / /who / /take / /this / /perversion / /to / /its / /extreme / /by / /ripping / /open / /their / /anuses / /as / /seen / /on / /the / /site / /most / /popular / /with / /Slashdot / /users / /the / /depraved / /work / /of / /Satan / /httpwwwefforgThe / /editors / /of / /Slashdot / /also / /have / /homosexual / /names / /Hemos / /is / /obvious / /in / /itself / /being / /one / /vowel / /away / /from / /Homos / /But / /even / /more / /sickening / /is / /Commander / /Taco / /which / /sounds / /a / /bit / /like / /Commode / /in / /Taco / /filthy / /gay / /slang / /for / /a / /pair / /of / /spreadeagled / /buttocks / /that / /are / /caked / /with / /excrement / /The / /best / /form / /of / /lubrication / /they / /insist / /Sometimes / /these / /Taco / /Commodes / /have / /special / /Salsa / /Sauce / /blood / /from / /a / /ruptured / /rectum / /and / /Cheese / /rancid / /flakes / /of / /penis / /discharge / /toppings / /And / /to / /make / /it / /even / /worse / /Slashdot / /runs / /on / /Apache / /The / /Apache / /server / /whose / /use / /among / /fags / /is / /as / /prevalent / /as / /AIDS / /is / /named / /after / /homosexual / /activity / /as / /everyone / /knows / /popular / /faggot / /band / /the / /Village / /People / /featured / /an / /Apache / /Indian / /and / /it / /is / /for / /him / /that / /this / /gay / /program / /is / /namedAnd / /thats / /not / /forgetting / /the / /use / /of / /patches / /in / /the / /Linux / /fag / /world / /patches / /are / /used / /to / /make / /the / /anus / /accessible / /for / /repeated / /anal / /sex / /even / /after / /its / /rupture / /by / /a / /session / /of / /fistingTo / /summarise / /Linux / /is / /gay / /Slash / /Dot / /is / /the / /graphical / /description / /of / /the / /space / /between / /a / /young / /boys / /scrotum / /and / /anus / /And / /BeOS / /is / /for / /hermaphrodites / /and / /disabled / /stumpers / /FEEDBACK / /What / /worries / /me / /is / /how / /much / /you / /know / /about / /what / /gay / /people / /do / /Im / /scared / /I / /actually / /read / /this / /whole / /thing / /I / /think / /this / /post / /is / /a / /good / /example / /of / /the / /negative / /effects / /of / /Internet / /usage / /on / /people / /This / /person / /obviously / /has / /no / /social / /life / /anymore / /and / /had / /to / /result / /to / /writing / /something / /as / /stupid / /as / /this / /And / /actually / /take / /the / /time / /to / /do / /it / /too / /Although / /I / /think / /it / /was / /satire / /blah / /its / /early / /Anonymous / /Coward / /SlashdotWell / /the / /only / /reason / /I / /know / /all / /about / /this / /is / /because / /I / /had / /the / /misfortune / /to / /read / /the / /Linux / /Sauce / /code / /once / /Although / /publicised / /as / /the / /computer / /code / /needed / /to / /get / /Linux / /up / /and / /running / /on / /a / /computer / /and / /havent / /you / /always / /been / /worried / /about / /the / /phrase / /Monolithic / /Kernel / /this / /foul / /document / /is / /actually / /a / /detailed / /and / /graphic / /description / /of / /every / /conceivable / /degrading / /perversion / /known / /to / /the / /human / /race / /as / /well / /as / /a / /few / /of / /the / /major / /animal / /species / /It / /has / /shocked / /and / /disturbed / /me / /to / /the / /point / /of / /needing / /to / /shock / /and / /disturb / /the / /common / /man / /to / /warn / /them / /of / /the / /impending / /homocalypse / /which / /threatens / /to / /engulf / /our / /planet / /You / /must / /work / /for / /the / /government / /Trying / /to / /post / /the / /most / /obscene / /stuff / /in / /hopes / /that / /slashdot / /wont / /be / /able / /to / /continue / /or / /something / /due / /to / /legal / /woes / /If / /i / /ever / /see / /your / /ugly / /face / /im / /going / /to / /stick / /my / /fireplace / /poker / /up / /your / /ass / /after / /its / /nice / /and / /hot / /to / /weld / /shut / /that / /nasty / /gaping / /hole / /of / /yours / /Anonymous / /Coward / /SlashdotDoesnt / /it / /give / /you / /a / /hardon / /to / /imagine / /your / /thick / /strong / /poker / /ramming / /its / /way / /up / /my / /most / /sacred / /of / /sphincters / /Youre / /beyond / /help / /my / /friend / /as / /the / /only / /thing / /you / /can / /imagine / /is / /the / /foul / 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What would Christmas be without Goatse Christmas tunesHave yourself a goatse little ChristmasEnlarge your ass all nightFrom now on your dildo will be out of sightNo Okay how about the 12 Days of GoatseOn the first day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mea direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the second day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to metwo Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the third day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to methree Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the fourth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mefour Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the fifth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mefive AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the sixth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mesix Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the seventh day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meseven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the eighth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meeight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the nineth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to menine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the tenth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meten Yahoo redirects yahoocom nine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the eleventh day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meeleven ZDNet redirects zdnetcom ten Yahoo redirects yahoocom nine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the twelveth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to metwelve Warner Brothers redirects warnerbroscom eleven ZDNet redirects zdnetcom ten Yahoo redirects yahoocom nine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx
Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered Dirty GNU Hippie community when last month IDC confirmed that Rancid Smelling GNU Hippies account for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all humans Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraft survey which plainly states that Natty haired greasy GNU Hippie have lost more market share this news serves to reinforce what weve known all along Reeking Linux Hippies are collapsing in complete disarray as further exemplified by failing dead last sysadminmagcom in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive usrbinsh test You dont need to be a Kreskin amdestcom to predict the future of the Stinking sweaty Linux hippie The hand writing is on the wall Foulstenched GNU hippies with swampy armpits face a bleak future In fact there wont be any future at all for them because they are dying Things are looking very bad for Hairybacked GNU hippie As many of us are already aware they continue to lose market share Red ink flows like a river of blood Lets keep to the facts and look at the numbers Troll leader Anonymouse Coward states that there are 7000 goatsecx trolls How many ascii art trolls are there Lets see The number of goatsecx versus ascii art posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1 Therefore there are about 70005 1400 ascii art trolls Pimplyfaced GNU hippies posts on Slashdot are about half of the volume of ascii art posts Therefore there are about 700 Dirty GNU Hippies A recent article put first post at about 80 percent of the troll market Therefore there are 700014007004 36400 first post trolls This is consistent with the number of first posts All major surveys show that Putrid smelling greasy GNU hippies have steadily declined in market share Slashdot is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim If Grubby Smelly Linux Hippies are to survive at all it will be among troll hobbyist dabblers Slashdot continues to decay Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time For all practical purposes Dirty GNU Hippies are dead
/ /THE / /TROLL / /POLKA / /ARSCHFICKEN / /MIT / /ZIEGEN / /By / /Serial / /Troller / /slashdotorg / /das / /nicht / /ein / /early / /post / /Ja / /Das / /ist / /mein / /early / /postIs / /das / /nicht / /ein / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /ghost / /Ja / /Das / /ist / /mein / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /ghostEarly / /post / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /ghostOh / /du / /schdu / /schdu / /schsucksdas / /post / /at / /minus / /one / /Ja / /Das / /ist / /at / /minus / /oneIs / /das / /trolling / /so / /much / /fun / /Ja / /Das / /trolling / /is / /so / /funMinus / /one / /trolling / /funEarly / /post / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /ghostOh / /du / /schdu / /schdu / /schsucksdas / /nicht / /ein / /big / /crapflood / /Ja / /Das / /ist / /mein / /big / /crapfloodIs / /it / /worthless / /Linux / /FUD / /Ja / /Das / /ist / /mein / /Linux / /FUDBig / /crapflood / /Linux / /FUDMinus / /one / /trolling / /funEarly / /post / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /ghostOh / /du / /schdu / /schdu / /schsucksdas / /nicht / /der / /CowBoiKneel / /Ja / /Das / /ist / /der / /CowBoiKneelIs / /dis / /nicht / /his / /manchode / /meal / /Ja / /Das / /ist / /his / /manchode / /mealCowBoiKneel / /manchode / /mealBig / /crapflood / /Linux / /FUDMinus / /one / /trolling / /funEarly / /post / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /ghostOh / /du / /schdu / /schdu / /schsucksdas / /nicht / /ein / /WIPO / /Troll / /Ja / /Das / /ist / /der / /WIPO / /TrollIs / /das / /nicht / /ein / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /hole / /Ja / /Das / /ist / /der / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /holeWIPO / /Troll / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /holeCowBoiKneel / /manchode / /mealBig / /crapflood / /Linux / /FUDMinus / /one / /trolling / /funEarly / /post / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /ghostOh / /du / /schdu / /schdu / /schsucksdas / /nicht / /Jon / /Katzslave / /boys / /Ja / /Das / /ist / /Jon / /Katzslave / /boysUnd / /arenthey / /Tacosex / /toys / /Ja / /They / /are / /Tacosex / /toysKatzslave / /boys / /Robsex / /toysWIPO / /Troll / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /holeCowBoiKneel / /manchode / /mealBig / /crapflood / /Linux / /FUDMinus / /one / /trolling / /funEarly / /post / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /ghostOh / /du / /schdu / /schdu / /schsucksdas / /nicht / /ein / /trolltalk / /thread / /Ja / /Das / /ist / /ein / /trolltalk / /threadIs / /it / /nicht / /now / /FUCKING / /DEAD / /Ja / /Is / /really / /FUCKING / /DEADTrolltalk / /thread / /FUCKING / /DEADKatzslave / /boys / /Robsex / /toysWIPO / /Troll / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /holeCowBoiKneel / /manchode / /mealBig / /crapflood / /Linux / /FUDMinus / /one / /trolling / /funEarly / /post / /Goatse / /goatsecx / /ghostOh / /du / /schdu / /schdu / /schsucksChange / /Log / /Subtle / /changes / /to / /most / /verses / /It / /sounded / /really / /gay / /before / /Removed / /all / /references / /to / /Tacopud / /May / /have / /been / /high / /at / /time / /Will / /investigate / /furtherFinally / /think / /I / /have / /goat / /sex / /written / /correctly / /in / /German / /I / /think / /Arschficken2002 / /Serial / /Troller / /Permission / /to / /reproduce / /this / /document / /is / /granted / /provided / /that / /you / /send / /all / /the / /bukkake / /porn / /you / /can / /find / /to / /serialtrollerhotmailcom / /mailto
A while back Don Henley created an album called Building the Perfect Beast His first solo album it surprised many with tracks like Sunset Grill All She Wants To Do Is Dance my favorite Driving With Your Eyes Closed and Jon Katzs favorite Boys of Summer I was listening to this album on illegallyripped MP3s while reading the Slashdot trolls and started brainstorming what would make the perfect troll This article serves as a directed introduction to building the perfect trollFirst we need to define trolling This is harder than it sounds because everyone has their own definition of a troll or better their own definition of a good troll I am going to use multiple definitions to create a very broad ideal of the term troll Any post that meets ONE of the definitions below is considered a trolla A message widely regarded as an annoyanceb A message which insults the editors with no regard to meritc A message which flames another user for their viewsd Any message which is designed to enrage the standard slashdot userFor the purposes of this post a good troll is one that spawns many angry responses There are other sides of trolling such as crapflooding which do not generate any responses usually These sorts of trolls are out of the scope of this articleThere are 6 dimensions of a good troll annoyance arguability subtlety topicality logicality and permeance By NO means should a good troll use only one dimension although some dimensions are inherently contradictory using as many as possible will result in a good trollAnnoyanceThis is the allstar of the troll spectrum Racial comments page wideninglengthing misinformation deragatory comments etc all are considered an annoyance But be careful The common pitfall is the annoyance is used to frequently and too loudly Subtlety is a necessity if you are going to use this with any sort of success read more about this below Here are some examples of good and bad annoyancesBad You stupid fucking nigger Im going to kick your faggot ass if I ever see you you shitface cocksucking animal This will be modded down immediately and will probably not be responded to This message will largely be ignored thus limiting the troll affectPosting factual inaccuracies is great when combined with annoyance the Slashdots will fall over themselves correcting your every moveGood Its posts like these that question the education system of America If you were paying any attention at school you would know that the South won the Civil War because of their views no slavery It was Abraham Lincolns last stand at Gettysburg that caused Slavery to go awayMaking references to your education as proof that you are right is excellent especially when in your troll you make it obvious that you dont have anyBad I studied this topic in great depth when writing my PhD thesis at MIT As it turns out the limiting factor of sorting function with completely randomized data Good Oh I took a class about this at the DeVry Institute According to the reseptionist notice intentionally bad spelling the integral of ex2 is ex so its got to be rightArguabilityPosts such as You fucking faggot Im going to kill you has no element of arguability You want to post a view in an inflammatory way that will incite a great argument There is a right way and a wrong way to doing this Usually if you are outright cursing at the poster or editor its the wrong wayExamplesBad You worthless piece of horseshit Your views are wrong jackassGood This study post link to mostly irrelevant and offtopic study indicates there is a strong correlation between deviance and Linux usersDrawing illogical conclusions based on incorrect statements is a great way to instate a nerd riot ExampleGood When ESR said that Windows is losing clientelle he used intentionally bad grammar which is inherent proof that his ideals are flawedPermeanceQuestion If a troll posts a troll and no one reads it is it still a troll Answer NoA troll can only have so much longevity I call this principle permeance Permeance is judged by the number of people who will see and read a post and to a lesser extent respond to it Good formatting grammar and spelling all contribute to a posts permeance but the real factor is contentMost of you spend a lot of time reading at 1 presumably so you will know that a fair amount of racist and antisemetic comments are posted Most Slashdot users will not see these because they are at 1 klercks PLP and PWP are ultimately a failure because few see themTo maximize permeance you have to 1 Sound like you now what you are talking about 2 Sound like you have a stake in your point of view maening you care about what you think and 3 Express it without homophobia any sort of racism and discrimination You will see that trolls at 1 and even 2 use this principle You will see that trolls at 0 and 1 do not use this principle This brings us toFirst Fundamental Theorem of Trolling Anonymous Cowards by definition rarely succeed in posting a good trollSecond Fundamental Theorem of Trolling If an AC succeeds in a good troll it would even be better if it were posted at 1 or 2 by default SubtletyCertain posts SCREAM This is a troll Please ignore it These are not successful trolls As a troll your every urge is to scream YOU FUCKING FAGGOT HOW CAN YOU THINK THE WAY YOU DO to the Slashbot homos Resist this at every cost You need to diplomatically insult them Its hard I know but it will result in success GOOD PHRASESYou should know by now that Havent you learned anything from eventWhat a stereotypical viewWas this post sarcasticI cant believe the level of ignorance of that point of viewTopicalityThis is a nobrainer and therefore Im not going to spend much time discussing it Why do you think BSD is Dying trolls rarely get responses when they are posted under one of Jon Katzs articlesLogicalityDid I make that word up Probably But its principle is still important use every logical fallacy that you know of when writing trolls Jump to illogical conclusions Misquote or misrepresent parents posts when responding Make references to studies linking them to a 404 not found page You get the idea This one isnt hard to introduce but its wildly successful in getting Slashcock responsesThis is a brief introduction to the good trolling Soon I will post an article about combining dimensions and look at some good and bad trolls in the past
The End of FreeBSD ed note in the following text former FreeBSD developerMike Smith gives his reasons for abandoning FreeBSD When I stood for election to theFreeBSD core team nearly two years ago many of you will recall that it was after a long seriesof debates during which I maintained that too much organisation too many rules and too much formality would be a bad thing for the project Today as I read the latest discussions onthe future of the FreeBSD project I see the same problem a few new faces and many of the oldgoing over the same tired arguments and suggesting variations on the same worthless schemes Frankly Im sick of it FreeBSD used to be fun It used to be about doing things theright way It used to be something that you could sink your teeth into when the mundane choresof programming for a living got you down It was something cool and exciting a way to spend your spare time on an endeavour you loved that was at the same time wholesome and worthwhile Its not anymore Its about bylaws and committees and reports and milestones tellingothers what to do and doing what youre told Its about who can rant the longest or shout theloudest or mislead the most people into a bloc in order to legitimise doing what they think is best Individuals notwithstanding the project as a whole has lost track of where its going and has instead become obsessed with process and mechanics So Im leaving core I dont want to feel like I should be doing something about a project that has lost interest in havingsomething done for it I dont have the energy to fight what has clearly become a losing battleI have a life to live and a job to keep and I wont achieve any of the goals I personallyconsider worthwhile if I remain obligated to care for the project Discussion Im sure that Ive offended some people already Im sure that by the time Im done here Illhave offended more If you feel a need to play to the crowd in your replies rather than make asincere effort to address the problems Im discussing here please do us the courtesy of playingyour politics openly From a technical perspective the project faces a set of challengesthat significantly outstrips our ability to deliver Some of the resources that we need toaddress these challenges are tied up in the fruitless metadiscussions that have raged since wemade the mistake of electing officers Others have left in disgust or been driven out by theculture of abuse and distraction that has grown up since then More may well remain availableto recruitment but while the project is busy infighting our chances for successful outreach aresorely diminished Theres no simple solution to this For the project to move forwardone or the other of the warring philosophies must win out either the project returns to itslaidback roots and gets on with the work or it transforms into a superorganised engineeringproject and executes a brilliant plan to deliver what ultimately we all know we want Whatever path is chosen whatever balance is struck the choosing and the striking are theimportant parts The current indecision and endless conflict are incompatible with any sortof progress Trying to dissect the above is far beyond the scope of any parting shotno matter how distended All I can reallyask of you all is to let go of the minutiae for a moment and take a look at the big pictureWhat is the ultimate goal here How can we get there with as little overhead as possibleHow would you like to be treated by your fellow travellers Shouts To theSlashdot BSD is dying crowd big deal Death is part of the cycle take a look at yoursoft pallid bodies and consider that right this very moment parts of you are dying SeeIts not so bad To the bulk of the FreeBSD committerbase and the developer community atlarge keep your eyes on the real goals Its when you get distracted by the politickersthat they sideline you The tireless work that you perform keeping the system clean andbuilding is what provides the platform for the obsessives and the prima donnas to have theirmoments in the sun In the end we need you all in order to go forwards we must first avoidgoing backwards To the paranoid conspiracy theorists yes I work for Apple too No myresignation wasnt on Steves direct orders or in any way related to work Im doing may domay not do or indeed what was in the tea I had at lunchtime today Its about real problemsthat the project faces real problems that the project has brought upon itself You cantescape them by inventing excuses about outside influence the problem stems from within To the politically obsessed give it a break if you can No the project isnt a lemonadestand anymore but its not a worldspanning corporate juggernaut either and some of the moregrandiose visions going around are in need of a solid dose of reality Keep it simple stupid To the grandstanders the prima donnas and anyone that thinks that they can hold the projectto ransom for their own agenda give it a break if you can When the current core were electedwe took a conscious stand against vigorous sanctions and some of you have exploited thatA new core is going to have to decide whether to repeat this mistake or get tough I hope theylearn from our errors Future I started work on FreeBSD because it was funIf Im going to continue it has to be fun again There are things I still feel obligated todo and with any luck Ill find the time to meet those obligations However I dont feelan obligation to get involved in the political mess the project is in right now I tried Iburnt out I dont feel that my efforts were worthwhile So I wont be standing for electionI wont be shouting from the sidelines and I probably wont vote in the next round of ballots You could say Im packing up my toys Im not going home just yet but Im not going toplay unless you can work out how to make the project somewhere fun to be again
It is 10pm Do you know where your karma is Right Let us get startedIn order to get maximum karma from Slashdot posting you can follow a few simple guidelines The University you go to Regardless of where you actually study saying that youre at MIT automagically gains you 2 Slashdot like the glorified student notice board that it is has a special place in its heart for anything from MIT whether it be a teddy bear stuffed with a switch or some wankers wrapping a yellow banner with elvish text around the main dome Even if you didnt go to university qualify every comment with a My professor told me to bask in the warm fuzzy glow of 2 Insightful Linux The basis of the Slashdot Experience Claiming you run Linux also gets you 1 Interesting It doesnt really matter if youve never actually installed it or your Red Hat box still doesnt have PPP running after 2 years of reading FAQs The important bit is Youre part of the community You can bathe in the refelected glory of years of shoddy buggy code You are exempt from the Microsoft penalty see below as of course your Win 98 install is only used for playing games And reading Slashdot And using MS Word And Photoshop And Microsoft Slashbots and the editors hate Microsoft Period Use of a symbol in every iteration of their trademarks gets you a 4 Funny Even though it is far from original it still manages to raise a grin in those people reading Slashdot between episodes of Cowboy Bebop You will get a 1 Flamebait or Troll for any post even hinting that Microsoft products are any good useful intuitive user friendly You will also quickly be shot down with replies about how good GNOME and KDE are which will then in turn erupt into a flame war Freedom Privacy YRO The bread and butter of Slashdot It fits in sublimely with the whole Linux thing Youll get a 3 Informative for any post containing the Ben Franklin quote about sacrificing essential liberty It makes no difference that the quote is totally irrelevant in the modern world Hey youve got karma Miscredting the quote will not end up in a karma penalty as has been demonstrated countless times You will gain extra karma if you make reference to your experiences of being wiretapped by the NSA and throwing in a vague link to Echelon black helicopters or Tin Foil Hat Linux Include a link to the First Amendment for a 1 Interesting mod Give yourself a pat on the back if you manage to include some extra raging paranoia with no evidence to back it up Nice BSD If you use it dont mention it on Slashdot Most of the Linuxusing friendless wonders that inhabit Slashdot wouldnt know quality and stability if it strolled up and kicked them in the throat with a size 13 HiTec Magnum boot Any mention of how a Firewall running OpenBSD with pf is far superior to Linuxs pathetic offering will soon see you as 1 Troll Much like the post youre reading now Yearning for yesteryear Although most comments are written by first year wannabeCSguru students or links to goatsecx there is still the fallout dregs of the dot com boom lurking around slashdot You can get 5 Insightful for telling how you were so badly treated after the bubble burst Whining about the lack of jobs where you get paid to fire foam darts at colleagues is a good start Dont forget to mention how youve now been out of work for months It starts a Im about to graduate and theres nothing going fuckfest which can spill over into hundreds of comments Although all the staff who were any good simply got hired into another company it makes Good Karma Senseto hide the fact that your passing familiarity with Perl and C simply cant get you a job This is also a prime opportunity to show your egregious personality as Slashdot rewards arrogance and elitism DONT FORGET TO MOD ME DOWN
Netcraft / /has / /now / /confirmed / /BSD / /is / /dying / /Yet / /another / /crippling / /bombshell / /hit / /the / /beleaguered / /BSD / /community / /when / /recently / /IDC / /confirmed / /that / /BSD / /accounts / /for / /less / /than / /a / /fraction / /of / /1 / /percent / /of / /all / /servers / /Coming / /on / /the / /heels / /of / /the / /latest / /Netcraftsurvey / /which / /plainly / /states / /that / /BSD / /has / /lost / /more / /market / /share / /this / /news / /serves / /to / /reinforce / /what / /weve / /known / /all / /along / /BSD / /is / /collapsing / /in / /complete / /disarray / /as / /further / /exemplified / /by / /failing / /dead / /last / /samagcom / /samagcom / /in / /the / /recent / /Sys / /Admin / /comprehensive / /networking / /testYou / /dont / /need / /to / /be / /a / /Kreskin / /amdestcom / /to / /predict / /BSDs / /future / /The / /hand / /writing / /is / /on / /the / /wall / /BSD / /faces / /a / /bleak / /future / /In / /fact / /there / /wont / /be / /any / /future / /at / /all / /for / /BSD / /because / /BSD / /is / /dying / /Things / /are / /looking / /very / /bad / /for / /BSD / /As / /many / /of / /us / /are / /already / /aware / /BSD / /continues / /to / /lose / /market / /share / /Red / /ink / /flows / /like / /a / /river / /of / /blood / /FreeBSD / /is / /the / /most / /endangered / /of / /them / /all / /having / /lost / /93 / /of / /its / /core / /developersLets / /keep / /to / /the / /facts / /and / /look / /at / /the / /numbers / /OpenBSD / /leader / /Theo / /states / /that / /there / /are / /7000 / /users / /of / /OpenBSD / /How / /many / /users / /of / /NetBSD / /are / /there / /Lets / /see / /The / /number / /of / /OpenBSD / /versus / /NetBSD / /posts / /on / /Usenet / /is / /roughly / /in / /ratio / /of / /5 / /to / /1 / /Therefore / /there / /are / /about / /70005 / /1400 / /NetBSD / /users / /BSDOS / /posts / /on / /Usenet / /are / /about / /half / /of / /the / /volume / /of / /NetBSD / /posts / /Therefore / /there / /are / /about / /700 / /users / /of / /BSDOS / /A / /recent / /article / /put / /FreeBSD / /at / /about / /80 / /percent / /of / /the / /BSD / /market / /Therefore / /there / /are / /700014007004 / /36400 / /FreeBSD / /users / /This / /is / /consistent / /with / /the / /number / /of / /FreeBSD / /Usenetposts / /Due / /to / /the / /troubles / /of / /Walnut / /Creek / /abysmal / /sales / /and / /so / /on / /FreeBSD / /went / /out / /of / /business / /and / /was / /taken / /over / /by / /BSDI / /who / /sell / /another / /troubled / /OS / /Now / /BSDI / /is / /also / /deadits / /corpse / /turned / /over / /to / /yet / /another / /charnel / /house / /All / /major / /surveys / /show / /that / /BSD / /has / /steadily / /declined / /in / /market / /share / /BSD / /is / /very / /sick / /and / /its / /long / /term / /survival / /prospects / /are / /very / /dim / /If / /BSD / /is / /to / /survive / /at / /all / /it / /will / /be / /among / /OS / /hobbyist / /dabblers / /BSD / /continues / /to / /decay / /Nothing / /short / /of / /a / /miracle / /could / /save / /it / /atthis / /point / /in / /time / /For / /all / /practical / /purposes / /BSD / /is / /dead / /BSD / /is / /dying / /
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