The wise programmer is told about the Tao and follows it. The average programmer is told about the Tao and searches for it. The foolish programmer is told about the Tao and laughs at it. If it were not for laughter, there would be no Tao.
The highest sounds are the hardest to hear. Going forward is a way to retreat. Greater talent shows itself late in life. Even a perfect program still has bugs.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
A master was explaining the nature of Tao to one of his novices. "The Tao is embodied in all software -- regardless of how insignificant," said the master.
"Is Tao in a hand-held calculator?" asked the novice.
"It is," came the reply.
"Is the Tao in a video game?" continued the novice.
"It is even in a video game," said the master.
"And is the Tao in the DOS for a personal computer?"
The master coughed and shifted his position slightly. "The lesson is over for today," he said.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.
-- Thomas Carlyle, looking at the stars
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
The connection between the language in which we think/program and the problems and solutions we can imagine is very close. For this reason restricting language features with the intent of eliminating programmer errors is at best dangerous.
-- Bjarne Stroustrup
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
These download files are in Microsoft Word 6.0 format. After unzipping, these files can be viewed in any text editor, including all versions of Microsoft Word, WordPad, and Microsoft Word Viewer
-- From Micro$oft
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"What's that thing?"
"Well, it's a highly technical, sensitive instrument we use in computer repair. Being a layman, you probably can't grasp exactly what it does. We call it a two-by-four."
-- Jeff MacNelley, "Shoe"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"It's easier said than done."... and if you don't believe it, try proving that it's easier done than said, and you'll see that "it's easier said that `it's easier done than said' than it is done", which really proves that "it's easier said than done".
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Windows 3.1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is momentous, give it no thought; because victory is important, give it no thought; because the method of achievement and discovery is less momentous than the effect, dwell always upon the method. You will strengthen yourself in this way."
-- Jessica Salmonson, "The Swordswoman"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
...you might as well skip the Xmas celebration completely, and instead sit in front of your linux computer playing with the all-new-and-improved linux kernel version.
-- Linus Torvalds
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
(1) If Nerd on the planet Nutley starts out in his spaceship at 20 KPH,
and his speed doubles every 3.2 seconds, how long will it be before
he exceeds the speed of light? How long will it be before the
Galactic Patrol picks up the pieces of his spaceship?
(2) If Roger Rowdy wrecks his car every week, and each week he breaks
twice as many bones as before, how long will it be before he breaks
every bone in his body? How long will it be before they cut off
his insurance? Where does he get a new car every week?
(3) If Johnson drinks one beer the first hour (slow start), four beers
the next hour, nine beers the next, etc., and stacks the cans in a
pyramid, how soon will Johnson's pyramid be larger than King
Tut's? When will it fall on him? Will he notice?
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
* Tools for hittings things to make them loose or to tighten them up or jar their many complex, sophisticated electrical parts in such a manner that they function perfectly. (These are your hammers, maces, bludgeons, and truncheons.)
* Tools that, if dropped properly, can penetrate your foot. (Awls)
* Tools that nobody should ever use because the potential danger is far greater than the value of any project that could possibly result. (Power saws, power drills, power staplers, any kind of tool that uses any kind of power more advanced than flashlight batteries.)
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Thus spake the master programmer:
"Though a program be but three lines long, someday it will have to
be maintained."
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Despite the best efforts of a quantum bigfoot drive (yes I know everyone told me they suck, now I know they were right) 2.1.109ac1 is now available
-- Alan Cox announcing Linux 2.1.109ac1
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
So you see Antonio, why worry about one little core dump, eh? In reality all core dumps happen at the same instant, so the core dump you will have tomorrow, why, it already happened. You see, it's just a little universal recursive joke which threads our lives through the infinite potential of the instant. So go to sleep, Antonio, your thread could break any moment and cast you out of the safe security of the instant into the dark void of eternity, the anti-time. So go to sleep...
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
The Worst Car Hire Service
When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California.
He put on a cap and looked forward to watching people's faces as he conducted them round the choice of bumperless, dented junkmobiles.
To his lasting surprise there was an insatiable demand for them and he now has 26 thriving branches all over America. "People like driving round in the worst cars available," he said. Of course they do.
"If a driver damages the side of a car and is honest enough to admit it, I tell him, `Forget it'. If they bring a car back late we overlook it. If they've had a crash and it doesn't involve another vehicle we might overlook that too."
"Where's the ashtray?" asked on Los Angeles wife, as she settled into the ripped interior. "Honey," said her husband, "the whole car's the ash tray."
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid.
-- J.D. Watson, "The Double Helix"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Overall, the philosophy is to attack the availability problem from two complementary directions: to reduce the number of software errors through rigorous testing of running systems, and to reduce the effect of the remaining errors by providing for recovery from them. An interesting footnote to this design is that now a system failure can usually be considered to be the result of two program errors: the first, in the program that started the problem; the second, in the recovery routine that could not protect the system.
-- A.L. Scherr, "Functional Structure of IBM Virtual Storage
Operating Systems, Part II: OS/VS-2 Concepts and
Philosophies," IBM Systems Journal, Vol. 12, No. 4.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
I still maintain the point that designing a monolithic kernel in 1991 is a fundamental error. Be thankful you are not my student. You would not get a high grade for such a design:-)
-- Andrew Tanenbaum to Linus Torvalds
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife. Just as the pupil was about to comply, the Master stayed his hand, saying, "That is the 'Body of a rock'."
-- Eric Van Lustbader
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.
-- Thomas Carlyle, looking at the stars
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
* Tools for hittings things to make them loose or to tighten them up or jar their many complex, sophisticated electrical parts in such a manner that they function perfectly. (These are your hammers, maces, bludgeons, and truncheons.)
* Tools that, if dropped properly, can penetrate your foot. (Awls)
* Tools that nobody should ever use because the potential danger is far greater than the value of any project that could possibly result. (Power saws, power drills, power staplers, any kind of tool that uses any kind of power more advanced than flashlight batteries.)
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
If you're crossing the nation in a covered wagon, it's better to have four strong oxen than 100 chickens. Chickens are OK but we can't make them work together yet.
-- Ross Bott, Pyramid U.S., on multiprocessors at AUUGM '89.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out. Says he, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, and we need logs to multiply."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Slashdot Mirror
The wise programmer is told about the Tao and follows it. The average
programmer is told about the Tao and searches for it. The foolish programmer
is told about the Tao and laughs at it. If it were not for laughter, there
would be no Tao.
The highest sounds are the hardest to hear. Going forward is a way to
retreat. Greater talent shows itself late in life. Even a perfect program
still has bugs.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
A master was explaining the nature of Tao to one of his novices.
"The Tao is embodied in all software -- regardless of how insignificant,"
said the master.
"Is Tao in a hand-held calculator?" asked the novice.
"It is," came the reply.
"Is the Tao in a video game?" continued the novice.
"It is even in a video game," said the master.
"And is the Tao in the DOS for a personal computer?"
The master coughed and shifted his position slightly. "The lesson
is over for today," he said.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly.
If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.
-- Thomas Carlyle, looking at the stars
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
The connection between the language in which we think/program and the problems
and solutions we can imagine is very close. For this reason restricting
language features with the intent of eliminating programmer errors is at best
dangerous.
-- Bjarne Stroustrup
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
These download files are in Microsoft Word 6.0 format. After
unzipping, these files can be viewed in any text editor, including
all versions of Microsoft Word, WordPad, and Microsoft Word Viewer
-- From Micro$oft
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"What's that thing?"
"Well, it's a highly technical, sensitive instrument we use in
computer repair. Being a layman, you probably can't grasp exactly what
it does. We call it a two-by-four."
-- Jeff MacNelley, "Shoe"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"It's easier said than done." ... and if you don't believe it, try proving that it's easier done than
said, and you'll see that "it's easier said that `it's easier done than
said' than it is done", which really proves that "it's easier said than
done".
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Windows 3.1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that
looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer.
Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but
in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially
slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes,
for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you
open it.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems
of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note.
Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care.
Because death is momentous, give it no thought; because victory is important,
give it no thought; because the method of achievement and discovery is less
momentous than the effect, dwell always upon the method. You will strengthen
yourself in this way."
-- Jessica Salmonson, "The Swordswoman"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
...you might as well skip the Xmas celebration completely, and instead
sit in front of your linux computer playing with the all-new-and-improved
linux kernel version.
-- Linus Torvalds
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Review Questions
(1) If Nerd on the planet Nutley starts out in his spaceship at 20 KPH,
and his speed doubles every 3.2 seconds, how long will it be before
he exceeds the speed of light? How long will it be before the
Galactic Patrol picks up the pieces of his spaceship?
(2) If Roger Rowdy wrecks his car every week, and each week he breaks
twice as many bones as before, how long will it be before he breaks
every bone in his body? How long will it be before they cut off
his insurance? Where does he get a new car every week?
(3) If Johnson drinks one beer the first hour (slow start), four beers
the next hour, nine beers the next, etc., and stacks the cans in a
pyramid, how soon will Johnson's pyramid be larger than King
Tut's? When will it fall on him? Will he notice?
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
The Three Major Kind of Tools
* Tools for hittings things to make them loose or to tighten them up or
jar their many complex, sophisticated electrical parts in such a
manner that they function perfectly. (These are your hammers, maces,
bludgeons, and truncheons.)
* Tools that, if dropped properly, can penetrate your foot. (Awls)
* Tools that nobody should ever use because the potential danger is far
greater than the value of any project that could possibly result.
(Power saws, power drills, power staplers, any kind of tool that uses
any kind of power more advanced than flashlight batteries.)
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Thus spake the master programmer:
"Though a program be but three lines long, someday it will have to
be maintained."
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Stopping Apache webserver...sleeping...starting again...apache: dl-version.c:189:
_dl_check_map_versions: Assertion `needed != ((void *)0)' failed
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-- netgod on #Debian at LISC
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Despite the best efforts of a quantum bigfoot drive (yes I know everyone
told me they suck, now I know they were right) 2.1.109ac1 is now available
-- Alan Cox announcing Linux 2.1.109ac1
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
So you see Antonio, why worry about one little core dump, eh? In reality
all core dumps happen at the same instant, so the core dump you will have
tomorrow, why, it already happened. You see, it's just a little universal
recursive joke which threads our lives through the infinite potential of
the instant. So go to sleep, Antonio, your thread could break any moment
and cast you out of the safe security of the instant into the dark void of
eternity, the anti-time. So go to sleep...
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
The Worst Car Hire Service
When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck
as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up
shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California.
He put on a cap and looked forward to watching people's faces as he
conducted them round the choice of bumperless, dented junkmobiles.
To his lasting surprise there was an insatiable demand for them and
he now has 26 thriving branches all over America. "People like driving
round in the worst cars available," he said. Of course they do.
"If a driver damages the side of a car and is honest enough to
admit it, I tell him, `Forget it'. If they bring a car back late we
overlook it. If they've had a crash and it doesn't involve another vehicle
we might overlook that too."
"Where's the ashtray?" asked on Los Angeles wife, as she settled
into the ripped interior. "Honey," said her husband, "the whole car's the
ash tray."
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in contrast
to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists,
a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also
just stupid.
-- J.D. Watson, "The Double Helix"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Overall, the philosophy is to attack the availability problem from two
complementary directions: to reduce the number of software errors through
rigorous testing of running systems, and to reduce the effect of the remaining
errors by providing for recovery from them. An interesting footnote to this
design is that now a system failure can usually be considered to be the
result of two program errors: the first, in the program that started the
problem; the second, in the recovery routine that could not protect the
system.
-- A.L. Scherr, "Functional Structure of IBM Virtual Storage
Operating Systems, Part II: OS/VS-2 Concepts and
Philosophies," IBM Systems Journal, Vol. 12, No. 4.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
I still maintain the point that designing a monolithic kernel in 1991 is a :-)
fundamental error. Be thankful you are not my student. You would not get a
high grade for such a design
-- Andrew Tanenbaum to Linus Torvalds
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than
three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked.
In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by
slashing his abdomen with a knife. Just as the pupil was about to comply,
the Master stayed his hand, saying, "That is the 'Body of a rock'."
-- Eric Van Lustbader
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly.
If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.
-- Thomas Carlyle, looking at the stars
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
The Three Major Kind of Tools
* Tools for hittings things to make them loose or to tighten them up or
jar their many complex, sophisticated electrical parts in such a
manner that they function perfectly. (These are your hammers, maces,
bludgeons, and truncheons.)
* Tools that, if dropped properly, can penetrate your foot. (Awls)
* Tools that nobody should ever use because the potential danger is far
greater than the value of any project that could possibly result.
(Power saws, power drills, power staplers, any kind of tool that uses
any kind of power more advanced than flashlight batteries.)
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
If you're crossing the nation in a covered wagon, it's better to have four
strong oxen than 100 chickens. Chickens are OK but we can't make them work
together yet.
-- Ross Bott, Pyramid U.S., on multiprocessors at AUUGM '89.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out. Says he, "Go
and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals.
All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah.
"Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes. Noah follows
their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again.
Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how
the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, and we need
logs to multiply."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...