Slashdot Mirror

===///===

"Nik, I'm not comfortable with your hand being on my ass."

"But come on, baby, you know you want it," Nik insisted. How had I, Jeff "Hemos" Bates, gotten myself into such a predicament? Sure, I'd always thought Nik was cute, and even though I never formally came out, Nik always seemed to know the wife was a front all along. And when "Gay" Nik, famous in the Open Source Community for his insatiable desire for rough gay sex, invited me to help him set up his new FreeBSD box, I had an idea something was up. Little did I know that "something" was Nik's ten inches of rock-hard manmeat, pulsing through his faded Levi's jeans like a wild jungle snake.

"Nik, you're hurting me!", I whelped.

"And that's just the way you like it, bitch," Nik snarled. "You know that famous cartoon of the daemon giving it to the penguin in the behind? Thats gonna be you and me, mate," Nate said with a flick of his golden blond highlighted locks. His English accent was so charming... it almost made such awful things sound nice. But no, I mustn't go down that road... "But first," Nik continued, "we must set up this FreeBSD box. FreeBSD is the only true homosexual operating system, and so you will learn it, because I tell you to. I won't have any dirty Linux user sucking my balls."

"Oh, Nik," I whispered, batting my eyelashes, "must you always be so forceful?" Nik slapped my ass and laughed.

"Calm down, you pansy. You don't know the meaning of forceful yet. Now grab that 4.2 CD." I leaned over and grabbed the CD set for FreeBSD 4.2. Nik got his media free from Walnut Creek, because the admins there were terrified of him. Rumour has it that one Walnut Creek operator who refused to send Nik the latest FreeBSD CD kit for free was found in the machine room the next morning duct-taped to a chair with an RJ45 crimper jammed into his bloody asshole. Ever since, Nik has been sent prerelease copies of every FreeBSD set.

All of my administration experience is with Red Hat, so I was a little scared to try a real operating system, but with Nik's expert guidance, I was well on my way to learning this queer OS. Nik showed me how to use the curses-based installation tool to partition my disks, select an installation profile, and set up XFree86. Within an hour, the system was installed, and rebooted back to a command prompt.

I was standing in front of the console when Nik came up behind me.

"How's it going, mate?" he asked.

"Oh, Nik," I said, startled, "you startled me. I'm just trying to mount this CD-ROM's filesystem. The commands are similar, but this Berkely csh takes a little getting used to."

"Let me help, love," he murmured. He stepped closer behind me, and I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck. I moved my hands away from the keyboard to allow him access, and he mounted the drive with blinding speed. "There, all better. Anything else you need mounted, love?"

"Oh, Nik..." I said quietly, my breath rushing out. Nik stepped closer, and I could feel his hot tool pressing into the depression of my asscrack through his jeans. "Oh, Nik, yes, there is something you could mount." I couldn't take it any longer. This strapping Englishman's dominant sexuality had overcome my fears of public embarrassment, and there I vowed to myself that from that day forward I would be Nik's woman. I threw my arms behind me, grabbed his ass, and pulled him closer. "Show me your hard drive, you naughty little daemon."

"Much obliged," Nik said with a wink. "But I'm anything but little." Nik slowly pulled off his tight jeans and out sprang the biggest, thickest cock I had ever seen. Now I watch a lot of gay pornography, but never in the depths of my deepest homosexual desire had I craved a dick this magnificent. It was like a juicy flank steak, dripping with juices. The aroma of ballcheese wafted up toward me as his mammoth testicles swung like pendulums of eroticism. I lost control and feel to my knees instantly, slobbering greedily at the wonderous thing, struggling, in vain, to fit the monstrous cockhead into my mouth.

"Oh, Nik," I cried, "I want you, I need you, I must have you. Make me your woman."

"And so I will mate, but first I must prepare you. Take off your clothes," Nik commanded. I clumsily undressed, unable to take my eyes off of his prodigious member. Nik reached over to his backpack (the one with the rainbow patches) and took out five jars of Astroglide lubricant. When I was finally naked, Nik looked up.

"Oh, well look at that," Nik said, pointing to my tiny, erect penis. "How cute. It's almost as small as Jon Katz's."

"Now, Nik, don't make fun," I said, sternly.

"I'm just kidding, love. To be honest, I like the 'little boy' look. I see you've shaved your pubes. Nice."

"Oh, Nik, I never had pubes..."

"Even better. You bald testicles remind me of my youth, when I was gang-raped by my daddy and four uncles."

"You were molested too?" I asked, hopeful.

"Of course, mate. All us faggots were. Now turn around and kneel in front of the couch." I did, and Nik proceeded to slather my virgin rosebud with three jars of Astroglide. As he did, he worked his fingers in and out of my asshole. My tiny penis was completely erect, almost touching my navel. Nik reached down and stroked it with two fingers (all that was necessary) was he prepared my anus. I moaned and sighed, and called out Rob Malda's name several times in my ecstacy. But Nik stopped before I could waste my seed, and stood back.

" Hemos, I think you've inspected my hard disk for long enough. Now I'm going to give your box more RAM."

"Oh, yes, Nik, RAM my box! R007 m3! 0wn me!"

"Hemos, it gets me so hot when you speak l337. Keep doing so." I let loose a string of l337 speak which would make even the most k-r4d w4R3z d00d blush, and Nik's penis began the descent towards my throbbing asshole.

"Oh!" I screamed, as Nik's gigantor began to rend my asshole to proportions only G. Oatse had known before. "Oh, Nik, pump my virgin geek asshole! Use and abuse me like Jon Katz did the Slashdot community! Pingflood my rectum like I'm running Red Hat 7! For the love of Barbara Streisand, Slashdot my ass!!"

The pumping and thrusting started, and didn't stop for 78 hours. Nik took me on a wild, shit-caked tour of Heaven, Hell, and San Francisco. I was on the edge of consciousness when he reached climax. He spewed gallons upon gallons of creamy sputum into my rectal cavity, filling my body up with his love. My abdomen swelled up like a water balloon, and I could taste his cum in the back of my throat when the tide finally ceased. I fell to the floor, and Nik stood up.

"Now you are mine, and a l337 FreeBSD user. I dub three Lord Hemos, proud and gay, and you shall sit at my right hand in Wales, where I rule the Court of FreeBSD Committers with an iron fist and a steel cock. Stand up, Lord Hemos, and let me eat your dirty ass."

Nik helped me up, and I weakly stood, amazed, as Nik proceeded to eat my asshole clean. Nik was on his knees behind me, lowered to the same level as the lowest California gigalo. Much like Jesus would wash the feet as his followers, Nik inducted his lovers into his secret cabal of Gay FreeBSD Love by dining on their sore, runny assholes. He ingested his own jizzm, completing the Circle of Gay.

When my rump had healed, I left Michigan (and my wife) on a journey with Nik to the UK, a Gay Wonderland rumoured to be the birthplace of homosexuality. I learned the gay alphabet, gay spelling ("It's 'coluououour', stupid American! Tee hee!"), and to use the gay currency (uro), and had a BSD Daemon tattooed on my ass with the phrase "Property of Gay Nik".

This has all happened so fast! It's hard to believe that only six hours ago, I was Jeff Bates, closeted homosexual and Linux user. I'm so glad that Nik and I got together, and I credit everything to FreeBSD, the l337est and Gayest UNIX-clone in the Universe! I invite you to check out your local FreeBSD user group and check us out!

These days, I'm very busy with FreeBSD and being Nik's trophy wife, but I've also created HEMOS, the Homoerotic Male Outreach service, an organization dedicated to saving poor young men from the perils of heterosexuality and Linux-userhood. We've already saved Cowboy Neal (how could a guy with a name like that not be queer?) and Emmett will be coming along soon. Please join us!

Love,
Lord Hemos the Gay

THE END.

Send comments to trolltuesday@yahoo.com. Thanks.

Apple has a lot of faggot users.

It's pretty much common knowledge that Mac users are fags. Thank God for AIDS.

Here's some tips on how to start your own Apple Users' Group.

===///===

"Nik, I'm not comfortable with your hand being on my ass."

"But come on, baby, you know you want it," Nik insisted. How had I, Jeff "Hemos" Bates, gotten myself into such a predicament? Sure, I'd always thought Nik was cute, and even though I never formally came out, Nik always seemed to know the wife was a front all along. And when "Gay" Nik, famous in the Open Source Community for his insatiable desire for rough gay sex, invited me to help him set up his new FreeBSD box, I had an idea something was up. Little did I know that "something" was Nik's ten inches of rock-hard manmeat, pulsing through his faded Levi's jeans like a wild jungle snake.

"Nik, you're hurting me!", I whelped.

"And that's just the way you like it, bitch," Nik snarled. "You know that famous cartoon of the daemon giving it to the penguin in the behind? Thats gonna be you and me, mate," Nate said with a flick of his golden blond highlighted locks. His English accent was so charming... it almost made such awful things sound nice. But no, I mustn't go down that road... "But first," Nik continued, "we must set up this FreeBSD box. FreeBSD is the only true homosexual operating system, and so you will learn it, because I tell you to. I won't have any dirty Linux user sucking my balls."

"Oh, Nik," I whispered, batting my eyelashes, "must you always be so forceful?" Nik slapped my ass and laughed.

"Calm down, you pansy. You don't know the meaning of forceful yet. Now grab that 4.2 CD." I leaned over and grabbed the CD set for FreeBSD 4.2. Nik got his media free from Walnut Creek, because the admins there were terrified of him. Rumour has it that one Walnut Creek operator who refused to send Nik the latest FreeBSD CD kit for free was found in the machine room the next morning duct-taped to a chair with an RJ45 crimper jammed into his bloody asshole. Ever since, Nik has been sent prerelease copies of every FreeBSD set.

All of my administration experience is with Red Hat, so I was a little scared to try a real operating system, but with Nik's expert guidance, I was well on my way to learning this queer OS. Nik showed me how to use the curses-based installation tool to partition my disks, select an installation profile, and set up XFree86. Within an hour, the system was installed, and rebooted back to a command prompt.

I was standing in front of the console when Nik came up behind me.

"How's it going, mate?" he asked.

"Oh, Nik," I said, startled, "you startled me. I'm just trying to mount this CD-ROM's filesystem. The commands are similar, but this Berkely csh takes a little getting used to."

"Let me help, love," he murmured. He stepped closer behind me, and I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck. I moved my hands away from the keyboard to allow him access, and he mounted the drive with blinding speed. "There, all better. Anything else you need mounted, love?"

"Oh, Nik..." I said quietly, my breath rushing out. Nik stepped closer, and I could feel his hot tool pressing into the depression of my asscrack through his jeans. "Oh, Nik, yes, there is something you could mount." I couldn't take it any longer. This strapping Englishman's dominant sexuality had overcome my fears of public embarrassment, and there I vowed to myself that from that day forward I would be Nik's woman. I threw my arms behind me, grabbed his ass, and pulled him closer. "Show me your hard drive, you naughty little daemon."

"Much obliged," Nik said with a wink. "But I'm anything but little." Nik slowly pulled off his tight jeans and out sprang the biggest, thickest cock I had ever seen. Now I watch a lot of gay pornography, but never in the depths of my deepest homosexual desire had I craved a dick this magnificent. It was like a juicy flank steak, dripping with juices. The aroma of ballcheese wafted up toward me as his mammoth testicles swung like pendulums of eroticism. I lost control and feel to my knees instantly, slobbering greedily at the wonderous thing, struggling, in vain, to fit the monstrous cockhead into my mouth.

"Oh, Nik," I cried, "I want you, I need you, I must have you. Make me your woman."

"And so I will mate, but first I must prepare you. Take off your clothes," Nik commanded. I clumsily undressed, unable to take my eyes off of his prodigious member. Nik reached over to his backpack (the one with the rainbow patches) and took out five jars of Astroglide lubricant. When I was finally naked, Nik looked up.

"Oh, well look at that," Nik said, pointing to my tiny, erect penis. "How cute. It's almost as small as Jon Katz's."

"Now, Nik, don't make fun," I said, sternly.

"I'm just kidding, love. To be honest, I like the 'little boy' look. I see you've shaved your pubes. Nice."

"Oh, Nik, I never had pubes..."

"Even better. You bald testicles remind me of my youth, when I was gang-raped by my daddy and four uncles."

"You were molested too?" I asked, hopeful.

"Of course, mate. All us faggots were. Now turn around and kneel in front of the couch." I did, and Nik proceeded to slather my virgin rosebud with three jars of Astroglide. As he did, he worked his fingers in and out of my asshole. My tiny penis was completely erect, almost touching my navel. Nik reached down and stroked it with two fingers (all that was necessary) was he prepared my anus. I moaned and sighed, and called out Rob Malda's name several times in my ecstacy. But Nik stopped before I could waste my seed, and stood back.

" Hemos, I think you've inspected my hard disk for long enough. Now I'm going to give your box more RAM."

"Oh, yes, Nik, RAM my box! R007 m3! 0wn me!"

"Hemos, it gets me so hot when you speak l337. Keep doing so." I let loose a string of l337 speak which would make even the most k-r4d w4R3z d00d blush, and Nik's penis began the descent towards my throbbing asshole.

"Oh!" I screamed, as Nik's gigantor began to rend my asshole to proportions only G. Oatse had known before. "Oh, Nik, pump my virgin geek asshole! Use and abuse me like Jon Katz did the Slashdot community! Pingflood my rectum like I'm running Red Hat 7! For the love of Barbara Streisand, Slashdot my ass!!"

The pumping and thrusting started, and didn't stop for 78 hours. Nik took me on a wild, shit-caked tour of Heaven, Hell, and San Francisco. I was on the edge of consciousness when he reached climax. He spewed gallons upon gallons of creamy sputum into my rectal cavity, filling my body up with his love. My abdomen swelled up like a water balloon, and I could taste his cum in the back of my throat when the tide finally ceased. I fell to the floor, and Nik stood up.

"Now you are mine, and a l337 FreeBSD user. I dub three Lord Hemos, proud and gay, and you shall sit at my right hand in Wales, where I rule the Court of FreeBSD Committers with an iron fist and a steel cock. Stand up, Lord Hemos, and let me eat your dirty ass."

Nik helped me up, and I weakly stood, amazed, as Nik proceeded to eat my asshole clean. Nik was on his knees behind me, lowered to the same level as the lowest California gigalo. Much like Jesus would wash the feet as his followers, Nik inducted his lovers into his secret cabal of Gay FreeBSD Love by dining on their sore, runny assholes. He ingested his own jizzm, completing the Circle of Gay.

When my rump had healed, I left Michigan (and my wife) on a journey with Nik to the UK, a Gay Wonderland rumoured to be the birthplace of homosexuality. I learned the gay alphabet, gay spelling ("It's 'coluououour', stupid American! Tee hee!"), and to use the gay currency (uro), and had a BSD Daemon tattooed on my ass with the phrase "Property of Gay Nik".

This has all happened so fast! It's hard to believe that only six hours ago, I was Jeff Bates, closeted homosexual and Linux user. I'm so glad that Nik and I got together, and I credit everything to FreeBSD, the l337est and Gayest UNIX-clone in the Universe! I invite you to check out your local FreeBSD user group and check us out!

These days, I'm very busy with FreeBSD and being Nik's trophy wife, but I've also created HEMOS, the Homoerotic Male Outreach service, an organization dedicated to saving poor young men from the perils of heterosexuality and Linux-userhood. We've already saved Cowboy Neal (how could a guy with a name like that not be queer?) and Emmett will be coming along soon. Please join us!

Love,
Lord Hemos the Gay

THE END.

Last weekend I got a call from my good friend "G", letting me know he had come across some grade-A thrill pills. My e stash had run out the day before and rather than prepare for a boring day, I found some car keys and headed over.

15 minutes later I arrive at his house. G answers the door with a sort of odd-smile. I could tell this was going to be good! Get inside, G starts talking. Several minutes later, he finally shuts up and goes back to his bedroom to get the stuff. He comes back with some "Xenadrines." He tells me his cousin got a hookup through his part-time job at GNC.

I opened two capsuls- 40 mgs- and administered them sublingually. Horrible, horrible taste. But G told me, it is the only way to go right with them. We sit down and watch judge jewdy.

A half hour passes, nothing yet. I'm a little bored now, so I go outside and have a cigarette. After I'm done, I decide it is time to go home, this sucks. But as I got up out of his plastic shit deck chair, it hit me. Wooh, this was weird. As I looked around, my head wouldn't stop moving in jerks, wtf!

I go inside and am ammidiatly accosted by his lava lamp. woh. Two seconds later though, I am on the next floor of the house. G seems to have calmed down a bit and is talking to his girlfriend on the phone. I grab the phone from him and we two talk about life for about a half hour.

After this, I was feeling really good, but G and I decide it is time to go somewhere. He reloads with another 20mgs and we get in his car and head into town. We stop at a gas station and I go inside to buy some cigarettes and poland spring to replenish my levels. Well, as it turns out I could hardly talk straight enough to ask for pall malls. The clerk ends up giving me marlboro reds, and rather than make a larger ass of myself, I quickly pay and leave.

We went over to another friend's house and the rest of the trip is pretty much a blur.

faggotry.com

Ièm sure all those Eurotrash BSD using fags will love this. I bet there will be lots of this going on.

(Score: +5, Perl Is For fags)

All your slashdot editors are belong to us !!!

Old hairy faggot alert.. bweeep bweeep bweep. Sensors overloaded.. bweep bweeep bweeeep. Explosion certain.. bweep bweep bweeep. Too much faggotry.

The homosexual brigade must be stopped at all costs. Report to the nearest army recruitment center for instructions.

i'm sure lots of this will go one. silly blokes. oh to be the second guy in that picture!

===///===

"Nik, I'm not comfortable with your hand being on my ass."

"But come on, baby, you know you want it," Nik insisted. How had I, Jeff "Hemos" Bates, gotten myself into such a predicament? Sure, I'd always thought Nik was cute, and even though I never formally came out, Nik always seemed to know the wife was a front all along. And when "Gay" Nik, famous in the Open Source Community for his insatiable desire for rough gay sex, invited me to help him set up his new FreeBSD box, I had an idea something was up. Little did I know that "something" was Nik's ten inches of rock-hard manmeat, pulsing through his faded Levi's jeans like a wild jungle snake.

"Nik, you're hurting me!", I whelped.

"And that's just the way you like it, bitch," Nik snarled. "You know that famous cartoon of the daemon giving it to the penguin in the behind? Thats gonna be you and me, mate," Nate said with a flick of his golden blond highlighted locks. His English accent was so charming... it almost made such awful things sound nice. But no, I mustn't go down that road... "But first," Nik continued, "we must set up this FreeBSD box. FreeBSD is the only true homosexual operating system, and so you will learn it, because I tell you to. I won't have any dirty Linux user sucking my balls."

"Oh, Nik," I whispered, batting my eyelashes, "must you always be so forceful?" Nik slapped my ass and laughed.

"Calm down, you pansy. You don't know the meaning of forceful yet. Now grab that 4.2 CD." I leaned over and grabbed the CD set for FreeBSD 4.2. Nik got his media free from Walnut Creek, because the admins there were terrified of him. Rumour has it that one Walnut Creek operator who refused to send Nik the latest FreeBSD CD kit for free was found in the machine room the next morning duct-taped to a chair with an RJ45 crimper jammed into his bloody asshole. Ever since, Nik has been sent prerelease copies of every FreeBSD set.

All of my administration experience is with Red Hat, so I was a little scared to try a real operating system, but with Nik's expert guidance, I was well on my way to learning this queer OS. Nik showed me how to use the curses-based installation tool to partition my disks, select an installation profile, and set up XFree86. Within an hour, the system was installed, and rebooted back to a command prompt.

I was standing in front of the console when Nik came up behind me.

"How's it going, mate?" he asked.

"Oh, Nik," I said, startled, "you startled me. I'm just trying to mount this CD-ROM's filesystem. The commands are similar, but this Berkely csh takes a little getting used to."

"Let me help, love," he murmured. He stepped closer behind me, and I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck. I moved my hands away from the keyboard to allow him access, and he mounted the drive with blinding speed. "There, all better. Anything else you need mounted, love?"

"Oh, Nik..." I said quietly, my breath rushing out. Nik stepped closer, and I could feel his hot tool pressing into the depression of my asscrack through his jeans. "Oh, Nik, yes, there is something you could mount." I couldn't take it any longer. This strapping Englishman's dominant sexuality had overcome my fears of public embarrassment, and there I vowed to myself that from that day forward I would be Nik's woman. I threw my arms behind me, grabbed his ass, and pulled him closer. "Show me your hard drive, you naughty little daemon."

"Much obliged," Nik said with a wink. "But I'm anything but little." Nik slowly pulled off his tight jeans and out sprang the biggest, thickest cock I had ever seen. Now I watch a lot of gay pornography, but never in the depths of my deepest homosexual desire had I craved a dick this magnificent. It was like a juicy flank steak, dripping with juices. The aroma of ballcheese wafted up toward me as his mammoth testicles swung like pendulums of eroticism. I lost control and feel to my knees instantly, slobbering greedily at the wonderous thing, struggling, in vain, to fit the monstrous cockhead into my mouth.

"Oh, Nik," I cried, "I want you, I need you, I must have you. Make me your woman."

"And so I will mate, but first I must prepare you. Take off your clothes," Nik commanded. I clumsily undressed, unable to take my eyes off of his prodigious member. Nik reached over to his backpack (the one with the rainbow patches) and took out five jars of Astroglide lubricant. When I was finally naked, Nik looked up.

"Oh, well look at that," Nik said, pointing to my tiny, erect penis. "How cute. It's almost as small as Jon Katz's."

"Now, Nik, don't make fun," I said, sternly.

"I'm just kidding, love. To be honest, I like the 'little boy' look. I see you've shaved your pubes. Nice."

"Oh, Nik, I never had pubes..."

"Even better. You bald testicles remind me of my youth, when I was gang-raped by my daddy and four uncles."

"You were molested too?" I asked, hopeful.

"Of course, mate. All us faggots were. Now turn around and kneel in front of the couch." I did, and Nik proceeded to slather my virgin rosebud with three jars of Astroglide. As he did, he worked his fingers in and out of my asshole. My tiny penis was completely erect, almost touching my navel. Nik reached down and stroked it with two fingers (all that was necessary) was he prepared my anus. I moaned and sighed, and called out Rob Malda's name several times in my ecstacy. But Nik stopped before I could waste my seed, and stood back.

" Hemos, I think you've inspected my hard disk for long enough. Now I'm going to give your box more RAM."

"Oh, yes, Nik, RAM my box! R007 m3! 0wn me!"

"Hemos, it gets me so hot when you speak l337. Keep doing so." I let loose a string of l337 speak which would make even the most k-r4d w4R3z d00d blush, and Nik's penis began the descent towards my throbbing asshole.

"Oh!" I screamed, as Nik's gigantor began to rend my asshole to proportions only G. Oatse had known before. "Oh, Nik, pump my virgin geek asshole! Use and abuse me like Jon Katz did the Slashdot community! Pingflood my rectum like I'm running Red Hat 7! For the love of Barbara Streisand, Slashdot my ass!!"

The pumping and thrusting started, and didn't stop for 78 hours. Nik took me on a wild, shit-caked tour of Heaven, Hell, and San Francisco. I was on the edge of consciousness when he reached climax. He spewed gallons upon gallons of creamy sputum into my rectal cavity, filling my body up with his love. My abdomen swelled up like a water balloon, and I could taste his cum in the back of my throat when the tide finally ceased. I fell to the floor, and Nik stood up.

"Now you are mine, and a l337 FreeBSD user. I dub three Lord Hemos, proud and gay, and you shall sit at my right hand in Wales, where I rule the Court of FreeBSD Committers with an iron fist and a steel cock. Stand up, Lord Hemos, and let me eat your dirty ass."

Nik helped me up, and I weakly stood, amazed, as Nik proceeded to eat my asshole clean. Nik was on his knees behind me, lowered to the same level as the lowest California gigalo. Much like Jesus would wash the feet as his followers, Nik inducted his lovers into his secret cabal of Gay FreeBSD Love by dining on their sore, runny assholes. He ingested his own jizzm, completing the Circle of Gay.

When my rump had healed, I left Michigan (and my wife) on a journey with Nik to the UK, a Gay Wonderland rumoured to be the birthplace of homosexuality. I learned the gay alphabet, gay spelling ("It's 'coluououour', stupid American! Tee hee!"), and to use the gay currency (uro), and had a BSD Daemon tattooed on my ass with the phrase "Property of Gay Nik".

This has all happened so fast! It's hard to believe that only six hours ago, I was Jeff Bates, closeted homosexual and Linux user. I'm so glad that Nik and I got together, and I credit everything to FreeBSD, the l337est and Gayest UNIX-clone in the Universe! I invite you to check out your local FreeBSD user group and check us out!

These days, I'm very busy with FreeBSD and being Nik's trophy wife, but I've also created HEMOS, the Homoerotic Male Outreach service, an organization dedicated to saving poor young men from the perils of heterosexuality and Linux-userhood. We've already saved Cowboy Neal (how could a guy with a name like that not be queer?) and Emmett will be coming along soon. Please join us!

Love,
Lord Hemos the Gay

THE END.

Send comments to the_messsenger@evilemail.com. Thanks.

Ask Slashdot: Free advertising?
Posted by Moron on Friday October 05, @06:32PM
from the bet-you've-been-waiting-for-these dept.

Lamer asks: I have recently developed an exciting new product. I would like to either sell the product directly, or sell its design to MicroOptical Corporation for many dollars. However, publicity is expensive, and unfortunately, I have little funds left after spending my monthly paycheck on child pornography. Would you be so kind as to direct several hundred thousand of your hacker-wannabe, 15 year-old readers toward my site? Even if the hits don't help me, perhaps I can persuade a few readers into an underage-sex orgy. It's unnecessary to mention that if we "editors" had the brains of a hampster, we wouldn't fall for this crap, but you can't blame us -- we run Linux, after all. ;-)

(The one thing that the FreeBSD team isn't amateurish about is gay sex. It's well known that several prominent former CSRG workers take it up the ass as often as possible, and their " users group meetings" are held in highway washrooms. The fact the FlamingBSD is based in San Francisco is further proof that FreeBSD is the OS of choice for queer nancies. Finally, while I despise Christians, I will note that the BSD mascot is reminiscent of an evil deity who Christians believe homosexuals will meet in the afterlife.)

OpenBSD isn't much better. I find it highly amusing that a uniprocessor server OS can exist in the year 2001, but I guess that OpenBSD's five users have their reasons. Theo "The Rat" de Raadt is a well known bitch/asshole, which is why he was kicked off the NetBSD core team. (NetBSD has always taken a firm stance of bitches/assholes, and The Rat's bitchiness/assholery was not not tolerated once it was discovered.) Also, The Rat's anti-US sentiments leads many to believe that he was behind the recent World Grave Center "incident."

Last, and definitely least, is NetBSD. While their hardline anti-Rat policy is to be commended, NetBSD is a joke. It's great that they've managed to port their outdated UNIX-wannabe to everything on the planet with a circuit board, as well as some citrus fruit, but such portability has no practical application when viewed in light of performance, scalabilty, stability, and software support that are even outdone by FreetofuckmenBSD.

In short, *BSD is dying. I hope that these "Antiamerican Megafags" learn the truth and are anally sodomized in the butt by their competitors. Indeed, they must be in a poor position already, to have considered using Cheap Software in the enterprise.

Thank you.

-- The_Messenger
the_messenger@evilmail.com

(The one thing that the FreeBSD team isn't amateurish about is gay sex. It's well known that several prominent former CSRG workers take it up the ass as often as possible, and their " users group meetings" are held in highway washrooms. The fact the FlamingBSD is based in San Francisco is further proof that FreeBSD is the OS of choice for queer nancies. Finally, while I despise Christians, I will note that the BSD mascot is reminiscent of an evil deity who Christians believe homosexuals will meet in the afterlife.)

OpenBSD isn't much better. I find it highly amusing that a uniprocessor server OS can exist in the year 2001, but I guess that OpenBSD's five users have their reasons. Theo "The Rat" de Raadt is a well known bitch/asshole, which is why he was kicked off the NetBSD core team. (NetBSD has always taken a firm stance of bitches/assholes, and The Rat's bitchiness/assholery was not not tolerated once it was discovered.) Also, The Rat's anti-US sentiments leads many to believe that he was behind the recent World Grave Center "incident."

Last, and definitely least, is NetBSD. While their hardline anti-Rat policy is to be commended, NetBSD is a joke. It's great that they've managed to port their outdated UNIX-wannabe to everything on the planet with a circuit board, as well as some citrus fruit, but such portability has no practical application when viewed in light of performance, scalabilty, stability, and software support that are even outdone by FreetofuckmenBSD.

In short, *BSD is dying. I hope that these "Antiamerican Megafags" learn the truth and are anally sodomized in the butt by their competitors. Inded, they must be in a poor position already, to have considered using Cheap Software in the enterprise.

Thank you.

-- The_Messenger
the_messenger@evilmail.com

(The one thing that the FreeBSD team isn't amateurish about is gay sex. It's well known that several prominent former CSRG workers take it up the ass as often as possible, and their "users group meetings" are held in highway washrooms. The fact the FlamingBSD is based in San Francisco is further proof that FreeBSD is the OS of choice for queer nancies. Finally, while I despise Christians, I will note that the BSD mascot is reminisent of an evil deity who Christians believe homosexuals will meet in the afterlife.)

OpenBSD isn't much better. I find it highly amusing that a uniprocessor server OS can exist in the year 2001, but I guess that OpenBSD's five users have their reasons. Theo "The Rat" de Raadt is a well known bitch/asshole, which is why he was kicked off the NetBSD core team. (NetBSD has always taken a firm stance of bitches/assholes, and The Rat's bitchiness/assholery was not not tolerated once it was discovered.) Also, The Rat's anti-US sentiments leads many to believe that he was behind the recent World Grave Center "incident."

Last, and definitely least, is NetBSD. While their hardline anti-Rat policy is to be commended, NetBSD is a joke. It's great that they've managed to port their outdated UNIX-wannabe to everything on the planet with a circuit board, as well as some citrus fruit, but such portability has no practical application when viewed in light of performance, scalabilty, stability, and software support that are even outdone by FreetofuckmenBSD.

In short, *BSD is dying. I hope that these "Antiamerican Megafags" learn the truth and are anally sodomized in the butt by their competitors. Indeed, they must be in a poor position already, to have considered using Cheap Software in the enterprise.

Thank you.

-- The_Messenger
the_messenger@evilemail.com

Here's a hint! (Don't click that at work.)

===///===

"Nik, I'm not comfortable with your hand being on my ass."

"But come on, baby, you know you want it," Nik insisted. How had I, Jeff "Hemos" Bates, gotten myself into such a predicament? Sure, I'd always thought Nik was cute, and even though I never formally came out, Nik always seemed to know the wife was a front all along. And when "Gay" Nik, famous in the Open Source Community for his insatiable desire for rough gay sex, invited me to help him set up his new FreeBSD box, I had an idea something was up. Little did I know that "something" was Nik's ten inches of rock-hard manmeat, pulsing through his faded Levi's jeans like a wild jungle snake.

"Nik, you're hurting me!", I whelped.

"And that's just the way you like it, bitch," Nik snarled. "You know that famous cartoon of the daemon giving it to the penguin in the behind? Thats gonna be you and me, mate," Nate said with a flick of his golden blond highlighted locks. His English accent was so charming... it almost made such awful things sound nice. But no, I mustn't go down that road... "But first," Nik continued, "we must set up this FreeBSD box. FreeBSD is the only true homosexual operating system, and so you will learn it, because I tell you to. I won't have any dirty Linux user sucking my balls."

"Oh, Nik," I whispered, batting my eyelashes, "must you always be so forceful?" Nik slapped my ass and laughed.

"Calm down, you pansy. You don't know the meaning of forceful yet. Now grab that 4.2 CD." I leaned over and grabbed the CD set for FreeBSD 4.2. Nik got his media free from Walnut Creek, because the admins there were terrified of him. Rumour has it that one Walnut Creek operator who refused to send Nik the latest FreeBSD CD kit for free was found in the machine room the next morning duct-taped to a chair with an RJ45 crimper jammed into his bloody asshole. Ever since, Nik has been sent prerelease copies of every FreeBSD set.

All of my administration experience is with Red Hat, so I was a little scared to try a real operating system, but with Nik's expert guidance, I was well on my way to learning this queer OS. Nik showed me how to use the curses-based installation tool to partition my disks, select an installation profile, and set up XFree86. Within an hour, the system was installed, and rebooted back to a command prompt.

I was standing in front of the console when Nik came up behind me.

"How's it going, mate?" he asked.

"Oh, Nik," I said, startled, "you startled me. I'm just trying to mount this CD-ROM's filesystem. The commands are similar, but this Berkely csh takes a little getting used to."

"Let me help, love," he murmured. He stepped closer behind me, and I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck. I moved my hands away from the keyboard to allow him access, and he mounted the drive with blinding speed. "There, all better. Anything else you need mounted, love?"

"Oh, Nik..." I said quietly, my breath rushing out. Nik stepped closer, and I could feel his hot tool pressing into the depression of my asscrack through his jeans. "Oh, Nik, yes, there is something you could mount." I couldn't take it any longer. This strapping Englishman's dominant sexuality had overcome my fears of public embarrassment, and there I vowed to myself that from that day forward I would be Nik's woman. I threw my arms behind me, grabbed his ass, and pulled him closer. "Show me your hard drive, you naughty little daemon."

"Much obliged," Nik said with a wink. "But I'm anything but little." Nik slowly pulled off his tight jeans and out sprang the biggest, thickest cock I had ever seen. Now I watch a lot of gay pornography, but never in the depths of my deepest homosexual desire had I craved a dick this magnificent. It was like a juicy flank steak, dripping with juices. The aroma of ballcheese wafted up toward me as his mammoth testicles swung like pendulums of eroticism. I lost control and feel to my knees instantly, slobbering greedily at the wonderous thing, struggling, in vain, to fit the monstrous cockhead into my mouth.

"Oh, Nik," I cried, "I want you, I need you, I must have you. Make me your woman."

"And so I will mate, but first I must prepare you. Take off your clothes," Nik commanded. I clumsily undressed, unable to take my eyes off of his prodigious member. Nik reached over to his backpack (the one with the rainbow patches) and took out five jars of Astroglide lubricant. When I was finally naked, Nik looked up.

"Oh, well look at that," Nik said, pointing to my tiny, erect penis. "How cute. It's almost as small as Jon Katz's."

"Now, Nik, don't make fun," I said, sternly.

"I'm just kidding, love. To be honest, I like the 'little boy' look. I see you've shaved your pubes. Nice."

"Oh, Nik, I never had pubes..."

"Even better. You bald testicles remind me of my youth, when I was gang-raped by my daddy and four uncles."

"You were molested too?" I asked, hopeful.

"Of course, mate. All us faggots were. Now turn around and kneel in front of the couch." I did, and Nik proceeded to slather my virgin rosebud with three jars of Astroglide. As he did, he worked his fingers in and out of my asshole. My tiny penis was completely erect, almost touching my navel. Nik reached down and stroked it with two fingers (all that was necessary) was he prepared my anus. I moaned and sighed, and called out Rob Malda's name several times in my ecstacy. But Nik stopped before I could waste my seed, and stood back.

" Hemos, I think you've inspected my hard disk for long enough. Now I'm going to give your box more RAM."

"Oh, yes, Nik, RAM my box! R007 m3! 0wn me!"

"Hemos, it gets me so hot when you speak l337. Keep doing so." I let loose a string of l337 speak which would make even the most k-r4d w4R3z d00d blush, and Nik's penis began the descent towards my throbbing asshole.

"Oh!" I screamed, as Nik's gigantor began to rend my asshole to proportions only G. Oatse had known before. "Oh, Nik, pump my virgin geek asshole! Use and abuse me like Jon Katz did the Slashdot community! Pingflood my rectum like I'm running Red Hat 7! For the love of Barbara Streisand, Slashdot my ass!!"

The pumping and thrusting started, and didn't stop for 78 hours. Nik took me on a wild, shit-caked tour of Heaven, Hell, and San Francisco. I was on the edge of consciousness when he reached climax. He spewed gallons upon gallons of creamy sputum into my rectal cavity, filling my body up with his love. My abdomen swelled up like a water balloon, and I could taste his cum in the back of my throat when the tide finally ceased. I fell to the floor, and Nik stood up.

"Now you are mine, and a l337 FreeBSD user. I dub three Lord Hemos, proud and gay, and you shall sit at my right hand in Wales, where I rule the Court of FreeBSD Committers with an iron fist and a steel cock. Stand up, Lord Hemos, and let me eat your dirty ass."

Nik helped me up, and I weakly stood, amazed, as Nik proceeded to eat my asshole clean. Nik was on his knees behind me, lowered to the same level as the lowest California gigalo. Much like Jesus would wash the feet as his followers, Nik inducted his lovers into his secret cabal of Gay FreeBSD Love by dining on their sore, runny assholes. He ingested his own jizzm, completing the Circle of Gay.

When my rump had healed, I left Michigan (and my wife) on a journey with Nik to the UK, a Gay Wonderland rumoured to be the birthplace of homosexuality. I learned the gay alphabet, gay spelling ("It's 'coluououour', stupid American! Tee hee!"), and to use the gay currency (uro), and had a BSD Daemon tattooed on my ass with the phrase "Property of Gay Nik".

This has all happened so fast! It's hard to believe that only six hours ago, I was Jeff Bates, closeted homosexual and Linux user. I'm so glad that Nik and I got together, and I credit everything to FreeBSD, the l337est and Gayest UNIX-clone in the Universe! I invite you to check out your local FreeBSD user group and check us out!

These days, I'm very busy with FreeBSD and being Nik's trophy wife, but I've also created HEMOS, the Homoerotic Male Outreach service, an organization dedicated to saving poor young men from the perils of heterosexuality and Linux-userhood. We've already saved Cowboy Neal (how could a guy with a name like that not be queer?) and Emmett will be coming along soon. Please join us!

Love,
Lord Hemos the Gay

THE END.

Send comments to billgates@ILOVESPAM.evilemail.com. Thanks.

All generalizations are false.