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Why Did They Have to Take the Word Gay?

No kidding, I have never not been not that bad.

Or, in the words of a song: You shouldn't wanna do it if you don't wanna not do it right.

This sounds like something out of HitchHikers or a Python sketch.

How about Kids in the Hall?

http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/three/sexhimself.html

Reminds me of the Kids in the Hall sketch: "Sorry for causing all that cancer."

http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/one/brucecancer.html

Delineate...

You don't work for the Loser Research Foundation, do you?

the cause of cancer was discovered about a decade ago.

AOL is about as welcome as an anal probe.

Just keep in mind that not all anal probings are unwelcome.

Joe Barton: [to jury] Yeah. I mean think about it. Why else would he be so obsessed with proving that *we* did it? And I don't blame 'im. If I was in his world-murdering shoes I would do [shakes scientist's shoulder] the exact same thing. I'd get a lotta [picks up and shows charts and diagrams to jury] evidence [puts them down and walks towards jury] and witnesses and I would try to pin it on some decent, hard working, honest *guy*. [rests arms on jury stand and head on arms]

Thinking human: [stands up from chair] Is it alright if we find the defendant guilty now?

(Apologies to The Kids in the Hall for that one)

If you're a native Israeli who just can't speak English, I apologize, but all evidence from your post shows you can, in fact, speak English.

Ah. I see by the expression on your face that you are confused by my statement. Perhaps you doubt its veracity, but let me assure you, I speak not a word of English.

I agree. That letter reminded me of a Kids in the Hall sketch.
A Stunning command of the English language.

that would be here :)

Needmonduche, tragjookee. Disaster Zun Rhine. Vishan ut alan altah krumpeltok. Ralde ut topok, flog, tonne ebuch frem. Repetin. Vishan ut alan altah krumpeltok. Ralde ut topok, flog, tonne ebuch frem. Nee pudak poy Feelyat!

The rest of the sketch is here

See, it happened two nights ago. I was alone at home. I'm no good with relationships; women say I'm difficult and that I have "emotional problems," but that's a different post onto itself. Anyway, I'm at home drying the dish. (Who needs more than one dish when you live alone? You know, just me and my "emotional problems").

So, I finish drying the dish and I open the cupboard door to put the dish away. I also lean over to empty the sink. I straigtened up too quickly and hit my head on the edge of the door.

Well, blinded by pain, I stumble backward into the glass cabinet of porcelin dolls. So I collect porcelin dolls!! Isn't a guy allowed to have a hobby!?

Okay, I try to stumble my way towards the bathroom; only I trip over the blue box, which is really strange because I don't think that I have a blue box!!

So, I land on a large pile of junk mail that'd been laying near the front door. Then I passed out. And the doctors tell me if there wasn't junk mail there to stop the bleeding, I would have bled to death!

So, I come to after thirty minutes. No one stopped by or even called, you know, why should they? I have "emotional problems."

So, I lift myself up to my elbows and I crawl to the telephone and I dial for help. Now, due to my head injury, I can't remember that easy to remember emergency number. So I pull a large piece of bloody junk mail off the back of my head and I dial that number. Luckily for me, it was a number I had called several times before and they had my name and address in the computer. Unluckily for me, they thought I was ordering a pizza and came forty-five minutes later. I got the pizza for free, but that's a different post onto itself.

So, the pizza guy made a couple more deliveries, then drove me straight to the hospital. And that's how junk mail saved my life! So, I suggest to you that you think twice before trying to get rid of unsolicited advertisements. You might live to regret it.

Oh, and I want all you ladies out there to know, I'm seeing a therapist about my "emotional problems."

(Adapted from this Kids in the Hall sketch. It's all quite unapplicable to me. I have a mailbox and am a teenager who lives with my parents. Also, I'm perfectly fine emotionally, like all Slashdotters.)

That reminds me of a Kids in the Hall skit.

They always ripped on Canadian Cops at every chance they had.

Dolemite
_____________________

They always ripped on Canadian Cops at every chance they had.

Dolemite
_____________________

Brilliant fucking observation, Einstein. If anyone else makes any puns, I'll be sure to pull out the crayons for you.

This post brought to you by the Kids in the Hall.

I prefer delineate myself.

==
that it's their problem. They're just jealous of me. It's my right to ascertain things. You should talk to them about their being upset about my...ascertaination.

[Dave is in the middle of painting a front porch and Kevin walks up. You only see his body but not who it is.]
Kevin: So, you're doing a little painting.

Dave: That's right Einstein. How'd ya guess? I mean, I was trying so hard to hide it. Huh Einstein?

[Kevin's face is shown and we that he is really Einstein.]

Kevin: Listen, not everything that comes out of my mouth is the theory of relativity. So can the sarcasm.

Dave: Sorry, did I hurt your genius feelings?

[Kevin starts to leave and reassure himself.]

Kevin: Walk away, walk away... you're the genius, he's a painter... you're clearly the winner here. [etc.]

Source

"It's time. It's time. [looks at watch] Oh! It's time to hate the Swiss."

The whole sketch.

Man were they funny or what?

Sorry, couldn't help it.

you are referring to this script: http://kithfan.org/work/transcripts/three/street2. html