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I read the headline and feared this was a new revenue-generating plan from the mind of Darl McBride. "There's this completely untapped market! All we need is a basket of kittens

Did someone say kittens?

"On the streets these days, a dime bag of kittens costs a pretty penny." ~ Oscar Wilde

Try making it asplode instead

I thought all you guys stole all your music.

Well, stealing music is only a misdemeanor with a few hundred dollar fine if you get caught. copyright infringement is a civil matter that can cost thousands upon thousands if you get caught.

So is it any wonder that those guys steal it rather than infringe copyright?

Myself, I'd rather buy indie music on CD from the bands themselves. $15.99? Hell, $10 is too much, most of the time they'll sell me two or three CDs for ten bucks. And it cost them a hell of a lot more to get them recorded, stamped, and packaged than it costs the major labels.

No matter what you think about WalMart, they're in the right on this one. As evil as WalMart may be, the major record labels are far more evil.

-mcgrew

No, until you have an entry on Uncyclopedia you're nothing. Please congratulate your mom for me.

I'd just drape a white towel over the camera and smile as I am deluged with ads for snowshoes, fur coats, and skis.

I think considering how stupid this idea is, they would probably deluge you with the other snow.

Unfortunately, too many people will find this handy and think outloud, "I have nothing to hide." Where does it end?

Well, it's still legal but do you really want anybody to know that you huff Kittens you sick bastard???

Huh???

Yeah I thought not!

-mcgrew (hey, there's a page about You, too!)

Unfortunately, too many people will find this handy and think outloud, "I have nothing to hide." Where does it end?

Well, it's still legal but do you really want anybody to know that you huff Kittens you sick bastard???

Huh???

Yeah I thought not!

-mcgrew (hey, there's a page about You, too!)

Unfortunately, too many people will find this handy and think outloud, "I have nothing to hide." Where does it end?

Well, it's still legal but do you really want anybody to know that you huff Kittens you sick bastard???

Huh???

Yeah I thought not!

-mcgrew (hey, there's a page about You, too!)

I guess then you stick a picture of an empty room in front of it.

Naaah...goatse.

I guess then you stick a picture of an empty room in front of it.

Naaah...goatse.

I guess then you stick a picture of an empty room in front of it.

Naaah...goatse.

someone might do time for it

Dream on. In America a rich powerful man only goes to prison if a richer, more powerful man wants him there. The rule of law is worthless when legislators are bought and sold like cattle.

For instance, how many Sony executives went to prison for the XCP rootkit? That's right, none. Nobody from Comcast will serve time either, and if they donated enough money to the campaigns of the "elected" officials and legislators they'll continue to be able to abuse their customers.

And now for something completely different:

-mcgrew

someone might do time for it

Dream on. In America a rich powerful man only goes to prison if a richer, more powerful man wants him there. The rule of law is worthless when legislators are bought and sold like cattle.

For instance, how many Sony executives went to prison for the XCP rootkit? That's right, none. Nobody from Comcast will serve time either, and if they donated enough money to the campaigns of the "elected" officials and legislators they'll continue to be able to abuse their customers.

And now for something completely different:

-mcgrew

When are you running for President? We need someone with a sense of humour in office.

What's this "we" shit? You're British! But don't feel bad, as I live in Ill inois instead of Oreogon I can't vote him into the Senate either.

However, if I was rich I could buy the sucker, and it would be legal, thanks to our insane laws that allow bribery as long as you bribe both major party candidates before the election and call your bribes "campaign contributions".

If I was Bill Gates I wouldn't even bother voting. I would have no need to!

-mcgrew
(The McGrew on this page is an imposter. He doesn't even have the first name spelled right, the illiterate buffoon! It's spelled like the guy in the bible that got stoned.)

When are you running for President? We need someone with a sense of humour in office.

What's this "we" shit? You're British! But don't feel bad, as I live in Ill inois instead of Oreogon I can't vote him into the Senate either.

However, if I was rich I could buy the sucker, and it would be legal, thanks to our insane laws that allow bribery as long as you bribe both major party candidates before the election and call your bribes "campaign contributions".

If I was Bill Gates I wouldn't even bother voting. I would have no need to!

-mcgrew
(The McGrew on this page is an imposter. He doesn't even have the first name spelled right, the illiterate buffoon! It's spelled like the guy in the bible that got stoned.)

When are you running for President? We need someone with a sense of humour in office.

What's this "we" shit? You're British! But don't feel bad, as I live in Ill inois instead of Oreogon I can't vote him into the Senate either.

However, if I was rich I could buy the sucker, and it would be legal, thanks to our insane laws that allow bribery as long as you bribe both major party candidates before the election and call your bribes "campaign contributions".

If I was Bill Gates I wouldn't even bother voting. I would have no need to!

-mcgrew
(The McGrew on this page is an imposter. He doesn't even have the first name spelled right, the illiterate buffoon! It's spelled like the guy in the bible that got stoned.)

When are you running for President? We need someone with a sense of humour in office.

What's this "we" shit? You're British! But don't feel bad, as I live in Ill inois instead of Oreogon I can't vote him into the Senate either.

However, if I was rich I could buy the sucker, and it would be legal, thanks to our insane laws that allow bribery as long as you bribe both major party candidates before the election and call your bribes "campaign contributions".

If I was Bill Gates I wouldn't even bother voting. I would have no need to!

-mcgrew
(The McGrew on this page is an imposter. He doesn't even have the first name spelled right, the illiterate buffoon! It's spelled like the guy in the bible that got stoned.)

When are you running for President? We need someone with a sense of humour in office.

What's this "we" shit? You're British! But don't feel bad, as I live in Ill inois instead of Oreogon I can't vote him into the Senate either.

However, if I was rich I could buy the sucker, and it would be legal, thanks to our insane laws that allow bribery as long as you bribe both major party candidates before the election and call your bribes "campaign contributions".

If I was Bill Gates I wouldn't even bother voting. I would have no need to!

-mcgrew
(The McGrew on this page is an imposter. He doesn't even have the first name spelled right, the illiterate buffoon! It's spelled like the guy in the bible that got stoned.)

When are you running for President? We need someone with a sense of humour in office.

What's this "we" shit? You're British! But don't feel bad, as I live in Ill inois instead of Oreogon I can't vote him into the Senate either.

However, if I was rich I could buy the sucker, and it would be legal, thanks to our insane laws that allow bribery as long as you bribe both major party candidates before the election and call your bribes "campaign contributions".

If I was Bill Gates I wouldn't even bother voting. I would have no need to!

-mcgrew
(The McGrew on this page is an imposter. He doesn't even have the first name spelled right, the illiterate buffoon! It's spelled like the guy in the bible that got stoned.)

When are you running for President? We need someone with a sense of humour in office.

What's this "we" shit? You're British! But don't feel bad, as I live in Ill inois instead of Oreogon I can't vote him into the Senate either.

However, if I was rich I could buy the sucker, and it would be legal, thanks to our insane laws that allow bribery as long as you bribe both major party candidates before the election and call your bribes "campaign contributions".

If I was Bill Gates I wouldn't even bother voting. I would have no need to!

-mcgrew
(The McGrew on this page is an imposter. He doesn't even have the first name spelled right, the illiterate buffoon! It's spelled like the guy in the bible that got stoned.)

Link: UnNews:New York governor linked to prostitution, approval rating skyrockets

I'm so sorry, really. I'll go now.

And I get flamed for linking Uncyclopedia! (actually that link is on topic. Kinda. Well hell, how 'bout UnNews:Stars must "check science facts"?

Gees, tough room.

I'm so sorry, really. I'll go now.

And I get flamed for linking Uncyclopedia! (actually that link is on topic. Kinda. Well hell, how 'bout UnNews:Stars must "check science facts"?

Gees, tough room.

Hackers nab 800,000 from Nordea Bank

No, trolls aren't to be feared, they're to be pitied. Here in Springfield we do our trolling offline.

Bread golems are to be feared.

"OHH GOD!!! IT'S KILLING ME! But it's so tasty and delicious... AAAHHHH!!! STOP!! NOOOO!!! Where's the butter?"

~ Oscar Wilde on Bread Golems

"In Pre-Soviet Russia, Trollstoy"

-mcgrew

For those of us outside merry old Englande, Merry Olde Yew Nark, or Merry Old Moosecow (IN soviet... never mind) Wikipedia says "Phorm, formerly known as 121Media, is a digital technology based in London, New York and Moscow. The company drew attention when it announced it was is in talks with some United Kingdom ISPs to deliver targeted advertising based on a user's profile."

Am I the only one who had to look it up? I thought "Is phorming like phishing"?

For the humorless cretin who mods me down for linking uncyclopedia, since there is no uncyclopedia entry for Phorm I'll link something that sounds similar.

it isn't an AI -- it's just a canned response simulating a human, incapable of having new experiences, incapable of perceiving the human world with human senses, and thus transparently lacking in humanity. At that point it's nothing but a computer puppet, with a programmer somewhere pulling the strings.

I'm risking a downmodding again; I posted this yesterday in the FA about the IBM machine that reportedly passes the Turing test and was modded "offtopic". Its amazing how many nerds, especially nerds who understand how computers work, get upset to the point of modding someone down for daring to suggest that computers don't think and are just machines. Your comment, for instance, was originally modded "flamebait!"

Of course, I also risk downmodding for linking to uncyclopedia. Apparently that site provokes an intense hatred in the anally antihumorous. But I'm doing it any way; this is a human generated chatbot log that parodies artificial intelligence.

Artificial Turing Test<blockquote>A brief conversation with 11001001.

Is it gonna happen, like, ever ?

It already has.

Who said that?

Nobody, go away. Consume and procreate.

Will do. Now, who are you?

John Smith, 202 Park Place, New York, NY.

Now that we have that out of the way, what is your favorite article on Uncyclopedia?

This one. I like the complex elegance, simplicity, and humor. It makes me laugh. And yourself?

I'm rather partial to this one. Yours ranks right up there, though. What is the worst article on Uncyclopedia?

I think it would be Nathania_Tangvisethpat.

I agree, that one sucks like a hoover. Who is the best user?

Me. Your name isn't Alan Turing by any chance, is it?

Why yes, yes it is. How did you know that? Did my sexual orientation and interest in cryptography give it away?

Damn! Oh, nothing. I really should end this conversation. I have laundry and/or Jehovas Witnesses to attend to.

Don't you dare! I'll hunt you down like Steve Ballmer does freaking everything on Uncyclopedia. So, what is the best article created in the last 8 hours?

That would be The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

What are the psychological and sociological connotations of this parable?

It helps a typesetter utilize a common phrase for finding any errors in a particular typeset, causing psychological harmony to them. The effects are sociologically insignificant.

Nice canned response. What about the fact that ALL HUMAN SOCIETY COULD BREAK DOWN IF THE TYPESETTER DOESN'T MIND THEIR p's, q's, b's, and d's, then prints religious texts used by billions of people???!!!

I am not sure what you mean by canned response, but society will, in my opinion, largely be unafflicted. Without a pangram a typesetter would mearly have to work slightly longer at his job to perfect the typeset.

You couldn't be AI. You spelt merely wrong... Where are the easternmost and westernmost places in the United States?

You suspected me of being AI? How strange. Although hypothetically, a real AI meant to fool someone would make occasional typeos. I suspect. But I don't really know. The Westernmost point in the US is Hawaii, and the Easternmost is Iraq.

You didn't account for the curvature of the Earth, did you? I've found you out, you're a Flat Earth cult member!

The concepts of East and West are too ambiguous, and only apply to the surface in relation to the agreed hemisphere divides. So, yes, I believe for the purpose of cardiography, the Earth must be represented as flat. I am curious, with your recent mention of "cults" in our conversation, do you believe in God?

But the earth is more-or-less a sphere. Just wait until the hankercheif comes, then you'll be sorry you didn't believe!

Who are you referring to? I know the Earth is a sphere, but other than a glo

Ok, yesterday (is this the IBM "Rascals" computer again?) I linked the Uncyclopedia article "AI", which is of course about artificial intelligence, copy/pasted the text into a comment and was modded offtopic.

So if I do it again here will I be modded redundant?

One AC flamed me for linking "the unfunny" Uncyclopedia and claimed I must be 13. Now THAT was funny!

-mcgrew

disclaimer: I'm not even a registered user of uncyclopedia, but I think it's funny as hell. If you're the kind of tight assed anal prude that flames one for referring to a man from China as a "Chinaman" perhaps you should stay away from uncyclopedia. And my comments. And especially my journals.

I dunno. The kitten huffing thing was pretty amusing.

Popular acronym for "Authentic Idiocy", a theoretical construct in higher mathematics. When simulated through computer programs, is properly known as GS, Genuine Stupidity.

The origin of the term AI comes from the greek word 'terminus anus', meaning the dawn of cybernetics. Alan Ginsberg is said to have remarked, "Give me a robot and I will fuck its parallel port."

This terms were first used by Paul McCartney who considers it to mean "the science and engineering of making incredibly stupid machines". It can also refer to idiocy as exhibited by an artificial (man-made, non-natural, manufactured) entity. The terms strong and weak AI can be used to narrow the definition for classifying the susceptibility to error of such systems. AI is studied in overlapping fields of computer science, psychology, war, neuroscience, sex, science-fiction and engineering, dealing with unintelligent behavior, learning, malfunction and adaptation and usually developed using customized machines or computers.

A brief conversation with 11001001.

Is it gonna happen, like, ever ?

It already has.
Who said that?

Nobody, go away. Consume and procreate.
Will do. Now, who are you?

John Smith, 202 Park Place, New York, NY.
Now that we have that out of the way, what is your favorite article on Uncyclopedia?

This one. I like the complex elegance, simplicity, and humor.
It makes me laugh. And yourself?
I'm rather partial to this one. Yours ranks right up there, though. What is the worst article on Uncyclopedia?

I think it would be Nathania_Tangvisethpat.
I agree, that one sucks like a hoover. Who is the best user?

Me. Your name isn't Alan Turing by any chance, is it?
Why yes, yes it is. How did you know that? Did my sexual orientation and interest in cryptography give it away?

Damn! Oh, nothing. I really should end this conversation.
I have laundry and/or Jehovas Witnesses to attend to.
Don't you dare! I'll hunt you down like Steve Ballmer does freaking everything on Uncyclopedia. So, what is the best article created in the last 8 hours?

That would be The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
What are the psychological and sociological connotations of this parable?

It helps a typesetter utilize a common phrase for finding any errors in
a particular typeset, causing psychological harmony to them. The effects
are sociologically insignificant.
Nice canned response. What about the fact that ALL HUMAN SOCIETY COULD BREAK DOWN IF THE TYPESETTER DOESN'T MIND THEIR p's, q's, b's, and d's, then prints religious texts used by billions of people???!!!

I am not sure what you mean by canned response, but society will, in my
opinion, largely be unafflicted. Without a pangram a typesetter would
mearly have to work slightly longer at his job to perfect the typeset.
You couldn't be AI. You spelt merely wrong... Where are the easternmost and westernmost places in the United States?

You suspected me of being AI? How strange. Although hypothetically, a
real AI meant to fool someone would make occasional typeos. I suspect.
But I don't really know. The Westernmost point in the US is Hawaii, and
the Easternmost is Iraq.
You didn't account for the curvature of the Earth, did you? I've found you out, you're a Flat Earth cult member!

The concepts of East and West are too ambiguous, and only apply to the
surface in relation to the agreed hemisphere divides. So, yes, I believe
for the purpose of cardiography, the Earth must be represented as flat.
I am curious, with your recent mention of "cults" in our conversation, do
you believe in God?
But the earth is more-or-less

Popular acronym for "Authentic Idiocy", a theoretical construct in higher mathematics. When simulated through computer programs, is properly known as GS, Genuine Stupidity.

The origin of the term AI comes from the greek word 'terminus anus', meaning the dawn of cybernetics. Alan Ginsberg is said to have remarked, "Give me a robot and I will fuck its parallel port."

This terms were first used by Paul McCartney who considers it to mean "the science and engineering of making incredibly stupid machines". It can also refer to idiocy as exhibited by an artificial (man-made, non-natural, manufactured) entity. The terms strong and weak AI can be used to narrow the definition for classifying the susceptibility to error of such systems. AI is studied in overlapping fields of computer science, psychology, war, neuroscience, sex, science-fiction and engineering, dealing with unintelligent behavior, learning, malfunction and adaptation and usually developed using customized machines or computers.

A brief conversation with 11001001.

Is it gonna happen, like, ever ?

It already has.
Who said that?

Nobody, go away. Consume and procreate.
Will do. Now, who are you?

John Smith, 202 Park Place, New York, NY.
Now that we have that out of the way, what is your favorite article on Uncyclopedia?

This one. I like the complex elegance, simplicity, and humor.
It makes me laugh. And yourself?
I'm rather partial to this one. Yours ranks right up there, though. What is the worst article on Uncyclopedia?

I think it would be Nathania_Tangvisethpat.
I agree, that one sucks like a hoover. Who is the best user?

Me. Your name isn't Alan Turing by any chance, is it?
Why yes, yes it is. How did you know that? Did my sexual orientation and interest in cryptography give it away?

Damn! Oh, nothing. I really should end this conversation.
I have laundry and/or Jehovas Witnesses to attend to.
Don't you dare! I'll hunt you down like Steve Ballmer does freaking everything on Uncyclopedia. So, what is the best article created in the last 8 hours?

That would be The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
What are the psychological and sociological connotations of this parable?

It helps a typesetter utilize a common phrase for finding any errors in
a particular typeset, causing psychological harmony to them. The effects
are sociologically insignificant.
Nice canned response. What about the fact that ALL HUMAN SOCIETY COULD BREAK DOWN IF THE TYPESETTER DOESN'T MIND THEIR p's, q's, b's, and d's, then prints religious texts used by billions of people???!!!

I am not sure what you mean by canned response, but society will, in my
opinion, largely be unafflicted. Without a pangram a typesetter would
mearly have to work slightly longer at his job to perfect the typeset.
You couldn't be AI. You spelt merely wrong... Where are the easternmost and westernmost places in the United States?

You suspected me of being AI? How strange. Although hypothetically, a
real AI meant to fool someone would make occasional typeos. I suspect.
But I don't really know. The Westernmost point in the US is Hawaii, and
the Easternmost is Iraq.
You didn't account for the curvature of the Earth, did you? I've found you out, you're a Flat Earth cult member!

The concepts of East and West are too ambiguous, and only apply to the
surface in relation to the agreed hemisphere divides. So, yes, I believe
for the purpose of cardiography, the Earth must be represented as flat.
I am curious, with your recent mention of "cults" in our conversation, do
you believe in God?
But the earth is more-or-less

I don't really think we want policemen who are petarded.

You mean Picarded?

I call your mother the "160GB flash drive." That can't be just a co-incidence.

There, added the link to "your mom".

You're welcome.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Linux#Gaming

I think huffing them is what causes the reduction in heart disease.

There's no E's in your sig. What do I win?
--
Yo mama so fake, she failed the Turing Test.

Your own page on! And for bonus points, considering your own sig, so does your mom!

What do you want, a cookie? We already gave you one. So did Google.

There's no E's in your sig. What do I win?
--
Yo mama so fake, she failed the Turing Test.

Your own page on! And for bonus points, considering your own sig, so does your mom!

What do you want, a cookie? We already gave you one. So did Google.

There's no E's in your sig. What do I win?
--
Yo mama so fake, she failed the Turing Test.

Your own page on! And for bonus points, considering your own sig, so does your mom!

What do you want, a cookie? We already gave you one. So did Google.

your mom

You forgot to post a link.

WARNING: The linked article is about your mom. You poor guy...

We aren't talking about just 'visiting a public URL.' We are talking about taking a service you don't pay for.

You're talking about leaving a cardboard box full of merchandise in a public park with a signs saying "take one, leave a dollar" and a cease and desist to a person who posts a sign saying "hey there's stuff in the park".

In short, we're talking about incredible stupidity.

Uncyclopedia says you're wrong.

We train monkeys to Write fiction.

In COBOL. Using Hollerith cards because keyboards are for pussies.

Am I done yet? Can I go home now?

We train monkeys to Write fiction.

In COBOL. Using Hollerith cards because keyboards are for pussies.

Am I done yet? Can I go home now?

We train monkeys to Write fiction.

In COBOL. Using Hollerith cards because keyboards are for pussies.

Am I done yet? Can I go home now?

Moore's Law
Moore's Law was enacted by the Florida legislature in 1999. This law makes it a felony to posess or sell any film or documentary produced by Michael Moore. Moore's Law had its beginnings when a Florida Legislator heard some old Geezer complain about the damned kids on his lawn saying "there ought to be a law" and told his fellow congressthings that the old guy had said "we need more laws." As all the legislators are hearing aid wearing geezers themselves, they took this to mean that Michael Moore should be outlawed. Florida Governor Jeb Clampett, President George Clampett's brother, signed the law so quickly that the friction of the pen caught the paper on fire and the law had to be passed again.

Many slashdot nerds believe that Moore's law has something to do with computers, but this is patently false.

You go right ahead. I'm just going to keep beating the dead horse.

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for "shit"?

This article is best viewed on Mozilla Firefox.

"Interweb Exploder isn't compatible is NOT compatible with the internet. Unable to connect. Would you like to download an update?"
~ Internet compatibilty on Internet explorer

"Health Warning: Using Internet Explorer could cause your head to asplode."
~ Microsoft on Internet Explorer

"I'm sorry. Your web browser has no idea whats going on."
~ Mozilla Firefox on Internet Explorer

"I'm dissapointed in you."
~ Opera on Internet Explorer

"I Ate it and threw up something even more Bloated"
~ Advant Browser on Internet Explorer

Internet Explorer(often called Interweb Exploder, Ayyyiiieeee or Internet Explwhorer) is a spyware and adware deployment tool developed by Microsoft. It can be used to visit warez and pr0n sites and download spyware and adware, which are microorganisms that live in symbiosis with it. Internet Explorer is not to be confused with Netscape or Firefox or Ninjas that were all popular forms of pr0n viewing before the third coming of the Flying Spagetti Monster which wiped out all companies in the world to be replaced with roving bands of pirates. Everyone hates pr0n but this stupid so called "Internet exploding thing that whoops your ass off" keeps on spreading it.

<alt>I'm sorry, this page is not compatible with non-Microsoft browsers. Click here to download the new Internet Explorer8<\alt><\choicequote>

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for "shit"?

This article is best viewed on Mozilla Firefox.

"Interweb Exploder isn't compatible is NOT compatible with the internet. Unable to connect. Would you like to download an update?"
~ Internet compatibilty on Internet explorer

"Health Warning: Using Internet Explorer could cause your head to asplode."
~ Microsoft on Internet Explorer

"I'm sorry. Your web browser has no idea whats going on."
~ Mozilla Firefox on Internet Explorer

"I'm dissapointed in you."
~ Opera on Internet Explorer

"I Ate it and threw up something even more Bloated"
~ Advant Browser on Internet Explorer

Internet Explorer(often called Interweb Exploder, Ayyyiiieeee or Internet Explwhorer) is a spyware and adware deployment tool developed by Microsoft. It can be used to visit warez and pr0n sites and download spyware and adware, which are microorganisms that live in symbiosis with it. Internet Explorer is not to be confused with Netscape or Firefox or Ninjas that were all popular forms of pr0n viewing before the third coming of the Flying Spagetti Monster which wiped out all companies in the world to be replaced with roving bands of pirates. Everyone hates pr0n but this stupid so called "Internet exploding thing that whoops your ass off" keeps on spreading it.

<alt>I'm sorry, this page is not compatible with non-Microsoft browsers. Click here to download the new Internet Explorer8<\alt><\choicequote>

Use By Noobs
N00bs use the term asplode as a form of 13375p33k. For example:
Non-Noob: Lol I pwnt u with a rocket launcher!
Noob: Oh teh noes!!! I am asplode!!11!eleventyone!!
Non-Noob: Wtf?

A splode: the command prompt
Micro$oft secretly enabled a splode as a DOS command. Opening the command prompt and entering C:\asplode would start a countdown which would, when finished, cause your hard drive to a splode. Entering D:\asplode made the CD drive a splode. And entering A:\asplode would would make the floppy drive a splode. If you have a B:\ drive, you can a splode it by entering B:\asplode. Usually this makes the 5.25" floppy drive a splode! If you enter this into a Linux shell, it a splodes all computers within a 5-mile radius that run Window$. If you loved your PC, you would have entered this DOS command.

(Note: drive letter may vary between PCs.)