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2nd Annual Poetry Spam
guidobot writes "Its the time of year for SatireWire's 2nd Annual Poetry Spam, an event where contestants write poetry consisting entirely of quotes from spam e-mail. You can also check out the winner of last year's contest. This could be your only chance to win a contest by writing poems about earning $100,000 in 10 weeks by working at home..."
For $1250 I wil teach you how to get First Post! This is not a bulk mail either!
,
faeryman
There are two categories in the contest - a Strictly Spam category, entirely of quotes from spam email; and a Freestyle category - poems about spam and spammers.
Too lazy to read the link? Here's last year's winner:
STRICTLY SPAM
2000 WINNER: David A. Winston, New York, N.Y.
ELECTRIGEL CREME
Brazen Teen Bitches,
Take a serious look at your life.
And allow me to introduce
a powerful new substance
from the Electri-Cellular Industry.
Electrigel Creme
I wouldn't have believed it myself,
But now there is a better way.
There is no catch.
I have to get this off my chest before I explode!!!
Electrigel Creme
It's true you can earn $50,000 in the next 90 days
You really can find out ANYTHING ABOUT ANYONE!
A university diploma is waiting for you!
But no product is more effective than,
Electrigel Creme
What does it do?
That's right. It really really does.
And that, my friend, is the bargain of a lifetime.
I am faxing a check
In a related story (sortof) Spamku
:)
forged from fire and the
cuber of the pink delights
SPAM shines in the can
Of course, these are about the meat, rather than the email.
I've had enough abrasive sigs. Kittens are cute and fuzzy.
Oh, great! Now that there's a prize, professional poets'll start spamming us with sonnet verses just so they can reassemble them as poetry.
I Can't Believe It's A Law Firm, LLP does not necessarily endorse the contents of this message.
Sig: What Happened To The Censorware Project (censorware.org)
And there are so many tremendously evil ways of taking this... This has got to be a wonderful contest...
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Google's mirror: http://www.google.com/search?q=cache:dDSV8GMMeDM:w ww.satirewire.com/features/poetry_spam/spam_winner .shtml+&hl=en
What's next - magnetic spam for your refrigerator?
This is an evil plot from the spamlords to get us to actualy read the spam we get, instead of trashing it.
42
Sorry, brain is addled!
... this year's hasn't even run to completion yet.)
(Of course it it last year's
Also FatPhil on SoylentNews, id 863
Almost brings a tear to your eye, dont it?
The way the rules read to me, it doesn't have to be "entirely."
? For "Strictly Spam" category: your entry must use actual phrases (hopefully recognizable phrases) from actual Spam email (a.k.a. unsolicited email).
? For "Freestyle" category: your entry does not have to include actual phrases from Spam, but must be a poem about Spam. Poems about the Janus family of mutual funds, or Harry Potter, will not be considered.
(Not sure if the question marks are intended or some smart quotes issue.) Kind of wimpy to me -- I'd rather entries had to be all spam with no glue.
What I'm listening to now on Pandora...
An entire new activist movement could be spawned with the slogan: "don't waste mental effort that can never again be reclaimed; send only RECYCLED SPAM!"
ByteMyCode.com: A Web 2.0 code sharing community.
Mmmmmmm. Floor pie!
we promise great fortune
empty your account
Mmmmmmm. Floor pie!
It looks like a bunch of random numbers and backslashes.
Who's going to pay $3000 for a motorised Razor Scooter?
I could view 2 winners and 2 runner ups before the site was slashdotted, but they did not in the least approach the funniness of this brilliant piece. It dates from 1995 or so (yes, spam already existed by that time). I do not know the original source; the linked mail dates from Jul 15 1995, maybe it is even older.
For those looking for an example of such artistry, here is last years winner:
Even more surprisingly, this entry was from a female. Not to say that females are not capable of poetry or even working with computers...I just thought they actually read and enjoyed their spam!!! Atleast I think all of the blonde women do...
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. -- Benjamin Franklin
Is there any rule against using SpamMimic and simply encoding a poem in spam?
Dear E-Commerce professional ; This letter was specially
selected to be sent to you . This is a one time mailing
there is no need to request removal if you won't want
any more . This mail is being sent in compliance with
Senate bill 1624 ; Title 7 ; Section 308 ! This is
NOT unsolicited bulk mail . Why work for somebody else
when you can become rich within 42 months ! Have you
ever noticed most everyone has a cellphone plus people
love convenience ! Well, now is your chance to capitalize
on this ! We will help you process your orders within
seconds plus increase customer response by 120% ! You
can begin at absolutely no cost to you . But don't
believe us . Ms Jones of Alabama tried us and says
"My only problem now is where to park all my cars"
! We assure you that we operate within all applicable
laws ! We implore you - act now . Sign up a friend
and you'll get a discount of 20% ! Best regards . Dear
Decision maker ; Especially for you - this cutting-edge
announcement . If you no longer wish to receive our
publications simply reply with a Subject: of "REMOVE"
and you will immediately be removed from our directory
. This mail is being sent in compliance with Senate
bill 1623 ; Title 9 , Section 302 . This is not a get
rich scheme ! Why work for somebody else when you can
become rich within 10 months ! Have you ever noticed
nobody is getting any younger & people will do almost
anything to avoid mailing their bills ! Well, now is
your chance to capitalize on this ! WE will help YOU
process your orders within seconds plus SELL MORE .
You can begin at absolutely no cost to you ! But don't
believe us ! Mrs Jones of Hawaii tried us and says
"My only problem now is where to park all my cars"
! We are a BBB member in good standing ! We beseech
you - act now ! Sign up a friend and you'll get a discount
of 40% . Best regards . Dear Salaryman ; This letter
was specially selected to be sent to you ! We will
comply with all removal requests . This mail is being
sent in compliance with Senate bill 1625 ; Title 6
; Section 302 . This is different than anything else
you've seen ! Why work for somebody else when you can
become rich within 33 days . Have you ever noticed
most everyone has a cellphone and people love convenience
! Well, now is your chance to capitalize on this !
We will help you use credit cards on your website plus
deliver goods right to the customer's doorstep . You
are guaranteed to succeed because we take all the risk
! But don't believe us ! Ms Jones who resides in Indiana
tried us and says "My only problem now is where to
park all my cars" . This offer is 100% legal ! Do not
delay - order today ! Sign up a friend and you get
half off . Thanks ! Dear Salaryman ; We know you are
interested in receiving amazing announcement . If you
no longer wish to receive our publications simply reply
with a Subject: of "REMOVE" and you will immediately
be removed from our mailing list . This mail is being
sent in compliance with Senate bill 2216 ; Title 1
, Section 306 . This is not a get rich scheme . Why
work for somebody else when you can become rich within
82 weeks ! Have you ever noticed nobody is getting
any younger plus most everyone has a cellphone . Well,
now is your chance to capitalize on this ! WE will
help YOU increase customer response by 170% and SELL
MORE ! You can begin at absolutely no cost to you !
But don't believe us ! Mr Anderson who resides in Utah
tried us and says "I was skeptical but it worked for
me" . We are licensed to operate in all states ! We
beseech you - act now ! Sign up a friend and you'll
get a discount of 60% ! Cheers ! Dear Salaryman , Especially
for you - this hot news . This is a one time mailing
there is no need to request removal if you won't want
any more . This mail is being sent in compliance with
Senate bill 2416 , Title 1 , Section 308 . This is
not a get rich scheme . Why work for somebody else
when you can become rich inside 92 days . Have you
ever noticed nobody is getting any younger and most
everyone has a cellphone ! Well, now is your chance
to capitalize on this ! We will help you use credit
cards on your website plus sell more . The best thing
about our system is that it is absolutely risk free
for you . But don't believe us ! Ms Anderson of Kentucky
tried us and says "Now I'm rich, Rich, RICH" ! We are
a BBB member in good standing ! Do not delay - order
today . Sign up a friend and you'll get a discount
of 40% . Thanks . Dear Friend , Your email address
has been submitted to us indicating your interest in
our letter ! We will comply with all removal requests
. This mail is being sent in compliance with Senate
bill 1620 ; Title 5 ; Section 304 ! Do NOT confuse
us with Internet scam artists ! Why work for somebody
else when you can become rich as few as 97 months !
Have you ever noticed people love convenience & nobody
is getting any younger . Well, now is your chance to
capitalize on this . WE will help YOU decrease perceived
waiting time by 160% and SELL MORE . The best thing
about our system is that it is absolutely risk free
for you . But don't believe us ! Mr Simpson of Maine
tried us and says "Now I'm rich, Rich, RICH" . We are
licensed to operate in all states ! So make yourself
rich now by ordering immediately . Sign up a friend
and you get half off . Best regards ! Dear Cybercitizen
; This letter was specially selected to be sent to
you . If you are not interested in our publications
and wish to be removed from our lists, simply do NOT
respond and ignore this mail . This mail is being sent
in compliance with Senate bill 1623 ; Title 4 , Section
304 . THIS IS NOT MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING . Why work
for somebody else when you can become rich within 39
days . Have you ever noticed most everyone has a cellphone
& people will do almost anything to avoid mailing their
bills ! Well, now is your chance to capitalize on this
! We will help you process your orders within seconds
plus sell more . You can begin at absolutely no cost
to you . But don't believe us . Mr Jones who resides
in Massachusetts tried us and says "Now I'm rich many
more things are possible" ! We assure you that we operate
within all applicable laws ! We IMPLORE you - act now
! Sign up a friend and you'll get a discount of 10%
! Cheers . Dear Decision maker , Your email address
has been submitted to us indicating your interest in
our briefing ! If you no longer wish to receive our
publications simply reply with a Subject: of "REMOVE"
and you will immediately be removed from our directory
! This mail is being sent in compliance with Senate
bill 1623 , Title 1 ; Section 309 ! This is not multi-level
marketing ! Why work for somebody else when you can
become rich as few as 62 weeks ! Have you ever noticed
the baby boomers are more demanding than their parents
and people love convenience ! Well, now is your chance
to capitalize on this . WE will help YOU SELL MORE
and use credit cards on your website ! You are guaranteed
to succeed because we take all the risk ! But don't
believe us ! Ms Jones of New Mexico tried us and says
"I was skeptical but it worked for me" ! We are licensed
to operate in all states ! So make yourself rich now
by ordering immediately ! Sign up a friend and you'll
get a discount of 80% ! Thank-you for your serious
consideration of our offer ! Dear Web surfer , Especially
for you - this hot intelligence . We will comply with
all removal requests ! This mail is being sent in compliance
with Senate bill 1618 ; Title 2 ; Section 309 . This
is not a get rich scheme ! Why work for somebody else
when you can become rich in 50 MONTHS . Have you ever
noticed how long the line-ups are at bank machines
and people love convenience ! Well, now is your chance
to capitalize on this ! WE will help YOU SELL MORE
and turn your business into an E-BUSINESS ! You can
begin at absolutely no cost to you ! But don't believe
us . Ms Simpson who resides in Florida tried us and
says "Now I'm rich, Rich, RICH" ! We assure you that
we operate within all applicable laws ! You have no
reason not to act now . Sign up a friend and you'll
get a discount of 30% . Thank-you for your serious
consideration of our offer . Dear Friend , This letter
was specially selected to be sent to you . If you are
not interested in our publications and wish to be removed
from our lists, simply do NOT respond and ignore this
mail ! This mail is being sent in compliance with Senate
bill 1621 ; Title 3 , Section 308 ! This is not a get
rich scheme . Why work for somebody else when you can
become rich within 31 days ! Have you ever noticed
nobody is getting any younger plus more people than
ever are surfing the web . Well, now is your chance
to capitalize on this . WE will help YOU use credit
cards on your website & turn your business into an
E-BUSINESS . You can begin at absolutely no cost to
you . But don't believe us ! Prof Ames of Idaho tried
us and says "Now I'm rich, Rich, RICH" ! We are a BBB
member in good standing . We implore you - act now
! Sign up a friend and your friend will be rich too
. Warmest regards ! Dear Sir or Madam , You made the
right decision when you signed up for our club . If
you are not interested in our publications and wish
to be removed from our lists, simply do NOT respond
and ignore this mail ! This mail is being sent in compliance
with Senate bill 2516 ; Title 6 , Section 301 . THIS
IS NOT MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING ! Why work for somebody
else when you can become rich as few as 38 DAYS ! Have
you ever noticed people love convenience plus nearly
every commercial on telev..... and this goes on and on.....
The anti-salmon
=:-)
There are 10 kinds of people; those who know ternary, those who don't, and those now hunting for a dictionary.
This looks like a way to promote spam more than anything else.
Ya, lets get all those messages we do not want, and READ them, and spend more time on them in making poetry out of it.
The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions that I wish it to be always kept alive
Shall I compare thee to bits of stone?
/dev/null contain all your tries
You serve less purpose, and cause much more trouble
The stone doth stay when roughest winds are gone
But when IPs are traced, you're already on the double
Sometimes too slow the mail servers are
And often is their total bandwith dimm'd
By thine empty headers who bring far
Less money than to you it must have seemed
But thy eternal spam-fest will not pass
Nor will you lose those d4rk-IPz j00 0wn
Nor shall
To make some money, since your work's really worth none
So long as l4m3rs live and traffic's free
So long lives spam, and spam gives life to thee
I knew I shouldn't have deleted all of my spam from the past year. I guess it's time to randomly place my e-mail address on newsgroups to get enough spam in the next few weeks to write some good poetry.
"The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent." --Carl Sagan
Here's your chance to use all that spam to win the gifts of your dreams. Thats right, the 20 dollars a month you are spending for a 56K busy signal could be your ticket to not one but TWO tshirts, a hat, a coffee mug, and that's not all... If you enter now(and win), we'll throw in a mousepad for free. We know it sounds too good to be true, but you too can glory in the riches this contests offers. Hurry, there is no time to waste, enter now!
Offer valid in 49 states, sorry Tennessee!
shouldn't that be something like
you make much money
we promise a great fortune
empty your account
How about...
Consolidate Debt
Improve Your Credit Rating
Click here for details
or
You've already won
Click here and fill out the form
We will spam you more
or
Do you like free sexxx?
Give us credit card numbers!
No, really, it's free!
Synergy is your friend
This would go good with a contest to see who could create the best mosaic of Bill Gates made solely out of banner ads. Kind of like a visual icon of the 21st century om tribute to what the internet has become. Spam poetry in the morning artshow in the afternoon....Webcast only $4.95 -- if you have the newest quicktime viewer that is....
(+1 Funny) only if I laugh out loud.
a use for all this goddamn (previously) useless crap that has been piling up for the last year or so... and to think i was just going to delete it.
I HAVE ENOUGH SPAM COLLECTED TO FUCKING RECREATE THE ENTIRE WORKS OF SHAKESPEARE*
time to get to work
*this, of course, is assuming that hamlet said things like "Add 2-3 inches to your penis INSTANTLY" or "THIS IS NOT MLM!!!" or "According to UNITED STATES LAW, this email cannot be considered spam..."
"I hope I don't make a mistake and manage to remain a virgin." - Britney Spears
There are several reasons for drinking,
And one has just entered my head;
If a man cannot drink when he`s living
How the Hell can he drink when he`s dead ?
An accident happened to my brother Jim
When somebody threw a tomato at him -
Tomatoes are juicy and don`t hurt the skin,
But this one was specially packed in a tin.
Why write about losing 100lbs in 3 days or make $100,000 from home when you can write about goatse.cx!
But trolls are not good poets!
Get em as they stand up to claim damages due to copyright violations!
Les noms des fous
Sont ecrits partout.
The names of fools are written everywhere.
This contest demonstrates the literary value of spam, so... spam is good! We ought to embrace it. The winning poem ought to be mailed out to as many email addresess as possible.
The opensource movement ought to contribute all of the addresses from all mailing lists, from all website registrations, from slashdot and freshmeat, and anywhere else.
The winning poem, which no doubt will be pretty damn funny, ought to be turned into a chain letter, requesting that you forward it to 12 friends. Furthermore, it ought to have a viral attachment that, when opened, mails it out to everyone in your address book.
With the collective might of the opensource movement behind it the resulting mailstorm ought to bring the net to its knees.
Cleese was from Weston Super Mare of course. & the A38 is still a fucking pain in the ass after 30 years...
... it lends legitmacy to spam... oh well
If Google really cared they would fix Android Chrome to reflow text, instead of discriminating
I should use the spam that has been splattering into my inbox over the last week "Increase your ejaculation volume by 581% !!!". I could probably base a poem on that one. I would know how to start. That part is easy. I'm just not sure I could stop.
If you don't understand anything I post, please accept that I ate paste as a small boy...
Does anyone know where I can get a copy of a spam that includes the text "oh freddled gruntbuggly"?
I would like to participate in this contest, but I only get about one Spam e-mail a week, so I don't have enough source material to work with. Could someone please help me out?
Comment removed based on user account deletion
The haiku style of poetry originated in Japan I believe. The ease of creating rhymes in Japanese (many words have common endings) makes western style poetry not very interesting to write. IIRC Japanese "syllables" aren't exactly analagous with syllables in English. In light of this, when writing haikus in English, some insist on a strict syllable count while others are content with a "short line, long line, short line" scheme.
Now I understand why I started archiving all the spam I received back in Dec 1999... This should be a cool project. Alas, I stopped collecting and started using filters in Sept 2000.
I have to check my Hotmail account.
Whoa shit....... this was put all the way to the bottom... Malda must know that this is a good idea... lets fucking troll him.
I work around a bunch of poetry MFAs (Masters of Fine Arts. I mean...Mother-f-ing A-holes), and quite frankly, they could learn a thing or two from these spammers. The idea of teaching someone to write good poetry just seems random to me, so my hats off to the PoetrySpam to expose these wannabe poets for what they are.
But that's just me ranting.
--- There is a man in a smiling bag.
Oh well. Better luck next year, I suppose.
And the brethren went away edified.
Check out the winner and runners-up. There is no meter, there are no rhymes. This is just spliced quotes in moderately humorous arrangement. Maybe this year's will have a real poem?
Use my userscript to add story images to Slashdot. There's no going back.
I send you this poem in order to have your XXX PINK TEENS 100% FREE!
This sig provides no comical value.
so fucking good.... :~)
Yeah, T. S. Eliot would be turning in his grave.
I was given your name as someone who has business sense
and would be interested in a great opportunity.
This is the letter you have been hearing about on the news lately.
Stop creditors calling you on the phone
Help avoid bankruptcy
You do not need another loan
No Application Fee, No Setup Fee
As a selected guest we are making this special offer to you.
** NEVER BEFORE SEEN **
Before you say ''Bull'', please read the following.
YOUR FINANCIAL DREAMS WILL COME TRUE, GUARANTEED!
Achieve financial success.
Enjoy life again
We can help. Come see how
GUARANTEED, or your money back
BE A MILLIONAIRE LIKE OTHERS WITHIN A YEAR!!!
Click Here for info!
-- unix is for people without a social life - Patrick van Eijk
sender: Admissions--Sessions.edu [beatrixs@sessions.edu]
"Dear Naomi,
BOO!!! Halloween is just around the corner and Sessie, the design ghost, wanted to wish you a HAPPY HALLOWEEN by offering you 10% off all of our courses and programs! Although Halloween is traditionally for children, big kids deserve a treat too, and with Sessie's help you'll be creating web pages, flash presentations, or company logos in no time!"
Sure, I'm not laughing. "Sessie, the design ghost"? some people..
That's the point - it got enough exposure that people remember it. Personally, I think it's a brilliant troll.