2nd Annual Poetry Spam

guidobot writes "Its the time of year for SatireWire's 2nd Annual Poetry Spam, an event where contestants write poetry consisting entirely of quotes from spam e-mail. You can also check out the winner of last year's contest. This could be your only chance to win a contest by writing poems about earning $100,000 in 10 weeks by working at home..."

Comments

my comment

[faeryman]

For $1250 I wil teach you how to get First Post! This is not a bulk mail either!

Re:my comment

[Retarded_One]

A)Do you accept paypal?

B)In the future, please dedicate first posts to the utter and total destruction of the palestineans.

Re:my comment

[Anonymous Coward]

Palestineans SUCK!

ARGH!!

Re:my comment

[Anonymous Coward]

Ugh.. Give me a break... It's comments like these that make me ashamed to call myself an American. I'll just take comfort in the knowledge that every country has its share of morons.

Re:my comment

[Anonymous Coward]

It's comments like this that make me think Americans have ego problems.

Problems that affect their ability to consider that someone else speaking online may not be an American.

Re:my comment

[Anonymous Coward]

IT'S COMMENTS LIKE THIS THAT MAKE ME THINK THAT I'D REALLY LIKE A BIG CAN OF SPAM RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

If you received this message in error, we apologize so just reply to this message and we'll let all our friends know that you would like to receive their spam too.

This message IS NOT SPAM. According to congressional bill #4983948nslkdkvhw983 any American who wishes to sell a product may contact other Americans without their permission, as long as they are not of Palestinean or Israely descent and are not sworn to protect their government under oath of perjury.

ALL THIS JUST FOR $999,999,999,999,999,999,999 AND IF YOU REPLY TODAY YOU'LL BE ELEGIBLE FOR $999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999

SO CALL NOW

Re:my comment

[Retarded_One]

What is the phone number I should call, and could I order 2?

Re:my comment

[Anonymous Coward]

My email address is preston.niederhauser@teleperformanceusa.com

Please email me, I'm a fucking gay hottie who is soo horny to meet with other gay hotties too, don't forget my penis is 1/2 an inch long and I'm errect & waiting for you friendly loving email...I just can't wait for you to put your dick up my ass.

Don't forget to send your love my way!

Dean Kamen's invention revealed!

[Roto-Rooter Man]

XXXXX DRUDGE REPORT XXXXX SUN DEC 02 2001 10:54:28 ET XXXXX
DEVELOPING: 'IT' REVEALED; 'SEGWAY' SELF-BALANCING PEOPLE MOVER
TIME MAG REVEALS INSIDE DETAILS OF WHAT INVENTION 'IT' IS
Award-winning Journalist John Heilemann Spent Three Months on Story for TIME 'IT' UNVEILS THIS WEEK UNDER OFFICIAL NAME: SEGWAY

The Segway 'Will Be to the Car What the Car was to the Horse and Buggy,' Inventor Dean Kamen tells TIME
------
'The Big Idea is to Put a Human Being into a System Where the Machine Acts an Extension of your Body'

MORE
New York -- Dean Kamen's long-awaited, secret invention, the Segway "will be to the car what the car was to the horse and buggy," he tells TIME on the eve of his product's unveiling.
Kamen imagines them everywhere: in parks and at Disneyland, on battlefields and factory floors, but especially on downtown sidewalks from Seattle to Shanghai. "Cars are great for going long distances," Kamen says, "but it makes no sense at all for people in cities to use a 4,000-lb. piece of metal to haul their 150-lb asses around town."
In the future he envisions, cars will be banished from urban centers to make room for millions of "empowered pedestrians" - empowered, naturally, by Kamen's brainchild, reports John Heilemann in next week's issue.
The invention is set to be unveiled Monday morning during ABC's GOOD MORNING AMERICA.
MORE
The Segway is a self-balancing people mover - powered by batteries and controlled by tilt-sensors and five solid state gyroscopes - that looks like a rotary lawnmower. The magic is in the balancing act no matter how hard you try, it won't let you fall.
For the past three months, Kamen allowed TIME behind the veil of secrecy as he and his team grappled with the questions that they will confront - about everything from safety and pricing to the challenges of launching a product with the country at war and the economy in recession.
There is no denying that the Segway, previously code-named "IT" and "Ginger," is an engineering marvel, reports Heilemann, who rode on the machine many times. Developed at a cost of more than $100 million, Kamenis vehicle is a complex bundle of hardware and software that mimics the human bodyis ability to maintain its balance. Not only does it have no brakes, but also no engine, no throttle, no gearshift, and no steering wheel. And it can carry the average rider for a full day, nonstop, on only five cents' worth of electricity.
Kamen explains how the Segway works: "When you walk, youire really in whatis called a controlled fall. You off-balance yourself, putting one foot in front of the other and falling onto them over and over again. In the same way, when you use a Segway, thereis a gyroscope that acts like your inner ear, a computer that acts like your brain, motors that act like your muscles, wheels that act like your feet. Suddenly, you feel like you have on a pair of magic sneakers, and instead of falling forward, you go sailing across the room."
As Kamen and his team were working on the IBOT wheelchair a six-wheel machine that goes up and down curbs, cruises effortlessly through sand or gravel, and climbs stairs - it dawned on them that they were onto something bigger. "We realized we could build a device using very similar technology that could impact how everybody gets around," he says. The IBOT was also the source of Gingeris mysterious codename. "Watching the IBOT, we used to say, ÈLook at that light, graceful robot, dancing up the stairsiso we started referring to it as Fred Upstairs, after Fred Astaire," Kamen recalls. "After we built Fred, it was only natural to name its smaller partner Ginger." With Ginger, as with the IBOT, Kamen explains, "the big idea is to put a human being into a system where the machine acts an extension of your body."
With the Segway, Kamen plans to change the world by changing how cities are organized. To Kamenis way of thinking, the problem is the automobile. "Cities need cars like fish need bicycles," he says. Segways, he believes, are ideal for downtown transportation. Unlike cars, they are cheap, clean, efficient, maneuverable. Unlike bicycles, they are designed specifically to be pedestrian friendly. "A bike is too slow and light to mix with trucks in the street but too large and fast to mix with pedestrians on the sidewalk," he argues. "Our machine is compatible with the sidewalk. If a Segway hits you, itis like being hit by another pedestrian."
Ordinary consumers wonit be able to buy Segways for at least a year, a consumer model is expected to go on sale for about $3,000, Heilemann reports. For now, the first customers will be deep-pocketed institutions such as the U.S. Postal Service and General Electric, the National Parks Service and Amazon.com institutions capable of shelling out $8,000 apiece for industrial-strength models.
TIME also takes a hard look at the question of whether this product will really make it in the consumer market. "The consumer market is always harder," Intel chairman Andy Grove, who also rode the Segway, told Heilemann. "But when you think about it, the corporate market is almost unlimited. If the Postal Service and FedEx deploy this for all their carriers, the company will be busy for the next five years just keeping up with that demand."

Re:Dean Kamen's invention revealed!

[Anonymous Coward]

but does it run linux?

Re:Dean Kamen's invention revealed!

[Anonymous Coward]

For now, the first customers will be deep-pocketed institutions such as the U.S. Postal Service and General Electric, the National Parks Service and Amazon.com, institutions capable of shelling out $8,000 apiece for industrial-strength models.

Amazon's pockets are shallower than a virgin's vagina.

They're not actually all quotes

[Killio]

There are two categories in the contest - a Strictly Spam category, entirely of quotes from spam email; and a Freestyle category - poems about spam and spammers.

Last year's winner

[mr100percent]

Too lazy to read the link? Here's last year's winner:

STRICTLY SPAM
2000 WINNER: David A. Winston, New York, N.Y.

ELECTRIGEL CREME

Brazen Teen Bitches,
Take a serious look at your life.
And allow me to introduce
a powerful new substance
from the Electri-Cellular Industry.
Electrigel Creme

I wouldn't have believed it myself,
But now there is a better way.
There is no catch.
I have to get this off my chest before I explode!!!
Electrigel Creme

It's true you can earn $50,000 in the next 90 days
You really can find out ANYTHING ABOUT ANYONE!
A university diploma is waiting for you!
But no product is more effective than,
Electrigel Creme

What does it do?
That's right. It really really does.

And that, my friend, is the bargain of a lifetime.

I am faxing a check

Re:Last year's winner

[BACbKA]

The Spam Rap looks more poetic and funny than the last year's winner. But tastes differ :)

Re:Last year's winner

[Anonymous Coward]

Rhyming is not being poetic anymore,
Modern poetry needs to have substance.
Substance is the hidden theme,
inside a cryptic poem.

Poems are very much alike cyrptography
in this regard.

Server is slow, so here is the winner

[Anonymous Coward]

STRICTLY SPAM
2000 WINNER: David A. Winston, New York, N.Y.

ELECTRIGEL CREME

Brazen Teen Bitches,
Take a serious look at your life.
And allow me to introduce
a powerful new substance
from the Electri-Cellular Industry.
Electrigel Creme

I wouldn't have believed it myself,
But now there is a better way.
There is no catch.
I have to get this off my chest before I explode!!!
Electrigel Creme

It's true you can earn $50,000 in the next 90 days
You really can find out ANYTHING ABOUT ANYONE!
A university diploma is waiting for you!
But no product is more effective than,
Electrigel Creme

What does it do?
That's right. It really really does.

And that, my friend, is the bargain of a lifetime.

I am faxing a check

(Posted anonymously to avoid karma whoring)

Spamku

[GigsVT]

In a related story (sortof) Spamku

forged from fire and the
cuber of the pink delights
SPAM shines in the can

Of course, these are about the meat, rather than the email. :)

Perverse incentives

[Lionel Hutts]

Oh, great! Now that there's a prize, professional poets'll start spamming us with sonnet verses just so they can reassemble them as poetry.

"This could be your only chance ..."

[Seth Finkelstein]

This could be your only chance to win a contest by writing poems about earning $100,000 in 10 weeks by working at home..."

Wait a minute - are you saying that this contest is a way to MAKE MONEY FAST? :-)

Sig: What Happened To The Censorware Project (censorware.org)

I wonder what the booby prize is...

[Christopher B. Brown]

Satisfaction guaranteed, or double your spam back?

And there are so many tremendously evil ways of taking this... This has got to be a wonderful contest...

Taco-snotting 1.12, with 8 new reader comments!!!!

[George WIPO Bush]

THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ By The WIPO Troll, $Revision: 1.12 $

Why have I been receiving emails from CmdrTaco, in which he seems to be speaking in some kind of code language?

Whenever Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda gets bored (and who wouldn't, running a site like Slashdot all day), he roams through the Slashdot database, penis in hand, looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual orgies with him. How he determines this is anyone's guess; but if you have a homosexual-sounding nickname, or a nick with the letter P in it, you're in trouble.

So this time, he found you. Lucky you.

CmdrTaco's code language is relatively easy to decipher. He prefers to speak in thinly-veiled sexual innuendo to evade the watchful (but relatively stupid) eye of Slashdot's parent corporation, VA Software. CmdrTaco's "Commander" is, of course, his penis -- a small, withered little thing that lives in his pants that only comes out in the presence of other men or at the beck and call of CmdrTaco's own right hand. His "Taco bells" are the shriveled testes that droop beneath his Commander, and his "Taco sauce" is his, well, jizz. It should be more than obvious to you now what he means when he asks you to "ring his Taco bells" or "taste his gourmet Taco sauce."

Lastly, there is a practice he refers to as "Taco-snotting" and the more shocking "circle-snot."

Good Lord. What is "Taco-snotting?"

"Taco-snotting" is the term used by CmdrTaco to refer to the practice of sucking the penis of a homosexual man (or unwilling heterosexual; CmdrTaco is rumored to prefer rape), then blowing the semen out his nose onto his partner's (victim's) face and body. A long, bubbly stream of milky-white semen is left on CmdrTaco's face, dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek: hence the term, "Taco-snotting."

A "circle-snot" is a Taco-snotting circle-jerk, another practice common among the Slashdot crew. CmdrTaco, CowboiKneel, and Homos get together and Taco-snot each other with their gooey, sticky cum -- spooging their jizz-snot all over each other's faces and pasty, white bodies, until they're covered head to toe with each other's man juice. This can go on for hours. For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay, Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant; he owns a limo service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to go.

To complete this perverted orgy, fellow geeks Michael, Timothy, and Jamie will usually join in, dressed in tight leather mock-S.S. uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves. The whole group then proceeds to snot each other's spunk and whip each other's pudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale, white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate, homosexual revelry.

Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?

Hopefully.

You most likely forgot to uncheck the "Willing to Taco-snot" checkbox in your account preferences. CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad, and he's probably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera, some tissues and lube. There's no escaping a geek in heat, so it's probably too late for you, but you can possibly rectify this situation. To remove yourself from CmdrTaco's sights, log into your Slashdot account, go to your user page, click on Messages, and uncheck the box next to "Willing to Taco-snot." Maybe he'll ignore you. Probably not.

I can't stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?

If you indulge him in a Taco-snot or two, he might leave you alone. You might also want to look into mail filtering, restraining orders, or purchasing a heavy, blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat. Trust me, when they charge... oh, the humanity. If he gets you, and you let him Taco-snot you, you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life (or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circle-snot).

Have you ever been Taco-Snotted?

Unfortunately, yes. I first met CmdrTaco at an Open Source Convention. He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some "gourmet Tacos," but when I got there, he jumped me and tied me to his bed, stripping me. After taking his "Commander" out of his pants, Mr. Taco made me suck the withered thing six times. He then performed his vile Taco-snotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours, bringing me to orgasm after sweaty, mind-numbing orgasm... then he snotted my own milky-white jizz back onto my face, into my mouth, then again on my exposed belly.

CmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source (or rather, "Open Sauce" -- man sauce) buddies over to continue the twisted snotfest. Linux Torvalds raped my ass with his "monolithic kernel," and Anal Cox used his "network stack" in a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice in my defenseless body. Michael was there in his leather Nazi uniform, caning my ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about "all those Censorware freaks out to get him."

How did you finally escape, you ask? After about 16 hours of countless homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body, they all finally went to sleep on top of me, sweat-soaked and exhausted. I was left there, covered in bubbly, translucent jizz-snot, chained to the bed, with half a dozen fat, pasty-white fags lying around and on top of me. Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant; I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door. I'm just glad I survived the ordeal. These geeks had a lot of built-up spunk in their wads -- I could've easily been drowned!

That's horrible. Does "Taco-snotting" have anything to do with CmdrTaco's "special taco"?

No, that's a different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in. CmdrTaco is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face, he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games. WeatherTroll has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership about this vile practice (emphasis added):

You may be wondering what CmdrTaco's "special taco" is. You will be wishing that you hadn't been wondering after you finish reading this post. To make his "special taco", CmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it. He then adds lettuce, jacks off on the taco, and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious. Of course, the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten. Thus CmdrTaco force-feeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim.

After the victim is unconscious, he is held against his will and used for CmdrTaco's nefarious sexual purposes. This includes shoving taco shells up the victim's ass, Taco-snotting, and getting Jon Katz involved.

Completely different, yet no less revolting. It should be clear to you now that CmdrTaco is a very, very sick individual, as are most of the Slashdot editors.

Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a paedophile, not a homosexual.

Actually, Jon Katz is a homosexual paedophile. He's also a coprophiliac, and, many suspect, a zoophile. Jon Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesn't involve himself in circle-snots. Mr. Katz usually engages in a game called " Katz juicy-douching" with his harem of little-boy slaves: a vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boy's urine (forced out of them with a pair of pliers), spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag, then squirting and slathering the goo all over himself, and the little boy's chained-up and naked bodies. If he's in the mood, he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag and just squirt it from his ass onto his boys. Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pliers until they comply and allow Mr. Katz to juicy-douche them for the rest of their lives.

As I already said, Mr. Katz is also a zoophile. As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys aren't enough, Jon usually enjoys his juicy-douches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goat's anus. He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goat's small, bean-like turds.

...Are you getting hard writing this?

Why, yes. :) Join me in a WIPO-snot?

No, thanks. I'm already CmdrTaco's boi toi.

________________________________________
READER COMMENTS

1. Fucking hilarious too bad it didnt get a 5:Funny (Score:-1, Offtopic)
   by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.02 19:01 (#2644105)
   
   this is good shit man

2. Re:Taco-snotting@Home! (Score:-1, Offtopic)
   by Dark_Cobra87 on 2001.12.01 23:03 (#2642180)
   
   Oops, forgot to check that Taco-snot option...

3. Re:Fuck Linux! Fuck him hard! (Score:-1)
   by Fecal Troll Matter on 2001.12.01 20:55 (#2641791)
   
   Mmmmmmm, Taco Sauce...
   
   Sig (appended to the end of comments you post, 120 chars)

4. Look (Score:-1)
   by ArchieBunker on 2001.12.01 20:19 (#2641679)
   
   I love trolling but this shit is getting old, fast. At least start mixing them up a little bit. How about the 'How OSM was Freed' series?
   http://www.naawp.org/

5. Re:Congratulations! You have been WIPO'd!! (Score:0)
   by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.01 8:37 (#2640602)
   
   Stop posting this! I've got hangover and Taco Snotting doesn't make me feel any better.
   
   I'm really glad that Taco Snotting is illegal here in Europe.

6. Re:Snot me baby, one more time! (Score:0)
   by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.30 1:01 (#2634213)
   
   Get a life you loser! Don't you have anything better to do than insult CmdrTaco and the gay community? We are not perverts, we are human beings just like you. So give it a rest!

7. Re:Hello, perdida!!! Won't you snot my face tonigh (Score:-1)
   by perdida on on 2001.11.27 14:13 (#2618764)
   
   Shut up you asshole.
   
   I am not great, I am merely adequate. I live in adequacy.

8. Go back to Russia. (Score:0)
   by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.26 22:22 (#2616035)
   
   You weiner trool!

9. Re:The Taco-Snotting FAQ Rides Again!! (Updated so (Score:0)
   by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.25 9:14 (#2609574)
   
   try to find a pic of actual "taco-snotting"! fucking funny it would be! so go to gay porn sites day in and day out until you find a man giving another man a blowjob that has jizz coming out of his nose and mouth. by the way, keep up the good work

10. Re:Snotting another first!! (Score:0)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.23 12:18 (#2603370)
    
    WIPO, this is getting waaaay old, either drop it or revise it.... there've been no updates for days now...
    
    CmdrTaco

11. Re:It's Taco SPAM!!! (Score:0)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.22 17:28 (#2600815)
    
    A truly excellent and very humourous troll indeed!
    However...
    
    To complete this perverted orgy, fellow geeks Michael, Timothy, and Jamie often join in, dressed in black Gestapo uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves.
    
    Black GeStaPo uniforms? The GeStaPo (Geheime Staatspolizei - Secret State Police) wore civilian clothes (although there are reports on them occasionally using Allgemeine SS uniforms in occupied territories).
    
    I seriously doubt that perverted individuals like CmdrTaco et al would have the good taste to ever wear the outstandingly beautiful black Waffen SS uniforms! Please update the FAQ accordingly.
    • Re:It's Taco SPAM!!! (Score:0)
      by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.23 4:06 (#2602610)
      
      Actually, it appears you are both wrong!! Ah ha!! I think our boy WIPO was thinking of the Allgemeine SS uniforms. Waffen SS were grey.

12. Re:Microsoft's Taco-Snotting Connection (Score:-1, Troll)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.21 4:49 (#2594325)
    
    oh yeah, you say you have masturbated only 2 times to this post. well, by the time it takes for me to get through reading it, i usually end up masturbated 5 to 6 times, 10 to 12 if i have the goatse.cx homepage loaded up and am looking at it side by side with the slashdot page. my keyboard, hands, mouse, monitor, the underside of my desk and around the floor under my desk are cum soaked and sticky with the man smell i know and love.

13. Re:Microsoft's Taco-Snotting Connection (Score:0)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.21 4:41 (#2594311)
    
    for version 2 you should make a total re-write of the cod...errr...text and add some details about cmdrtaco and the homo-gang's happenings with their coworkers (osdn?) and all of the gay revelry they enjoy and promote. by the way, did i just see cmdrtaco on television promoting the nax hair removal system? i guess after using vaseline in and around his ass he grew quite a ponytail and it had to be removed somehow...ouch!

14. Re:Microsoft's Taco-Snotting Connection (Score:-1, Troll)
    by TRoLLaXoR on 2001.11.21 3:59 (#2594191)
    
    WIPO, do you notice how few comments you get for anything you write/post/spam nowadays?
    
    -Trollaxor

15. Jon-Katz docking (Score:-1)
    by sales_worldwide on 2001.11.20 11:53 (#2588488)
    
    You forgot to mention Jon Katz's "docking" games, where he places his chopper head to head with another chap, and rolls the other guys foreskin over his own circumcised end ("docking"), providing him with fantasies of actually having his own forskin ...
    "Making linux GPL was the best thing I ever did" - Torvalds. I'd hate to see the worst thing...

16. Re:Snotting a first! (Score:-1)
    by Fucky the troll on 2001.11.20 11:28 (#2588446)
    
    Woah! When did the WIPO troll get freed? And how the fuck did I miss it?
    
    Excellent FP, sir.
    
    This is a sig virus. Please put me in your sig

17. Re:Snotting a first! (Score:-1, Troll)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.20 11:04 (#2588407)
    
    omg that is crapflooding material if i ever saw it!!!!!! and u got a first post!!!! whoot to the wipo troll!!!

18. GW, please.... (Score:0)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.19 9:03 (#2583756)
    
    GW...you know we love every hair on your 27 acre ass... and I, for one, would never do anything untowards your graceful demeanor. And you probably have several friends that would love to help you do the bear dance all over my face if I so much as spelled your name wrong. And you know I'd defend your Constitutional right to defame God in heaven. I'd even help fund your education, should you ever decide to take that route. Hell, I'd buy you a tall tepid bear-whiz beer if you were here with me, right now!
    
    But. ...if you can't find another topic, I'm gonna step over your dead mother's grave and kick your assuredly anesthetitized butt clear across the playground.
    
    Now go stick your shaved head back down inside the woman's toilet, and just to show there's no hard feelings, I'll jump in the tow-truck and drive right over to help you pull it right out...ok?
    
    thanks

19. Re:Help me Taco-Snotters!! (Score:-1)
    by mark knopfler 69 on 2001.11.19 8:25 (#2583695)
    
    I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU SIR. FOR ONE THING, THE E-MAIL FROM CMDRTACO DOES NOT HAVE ENOUGH GRAMMATICAL AND SPELLING MISTAKES. Let's be realistic here, CmdrTaco usually types with one hand, and since he is shaking from jacking off his aim on the keyboard isn't too good. Those e-mails were a little too well written. Sorry boy, you'll have to do better.

20. Re: What the hell is "taco snotting"? (Score:-1)
    by WeatherTroll on 2001.11.19 8:14 (#2583667)
    
    You should update this to say VA Software instead of VA Linux.

21. YOU ARE WINNER (Score:1)
    by smackmonkey on 2001.11.19 7:06 (#2583510)
    
    Crackhead moderators: this is +5, Hilarious material.
    
    --
    CNN declares War on Islam!
    Left-wing America declares War on its Civil Liberties!

22. Re:On Taco-Snotting 1.9 (Score:0)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.19 5:40 (#2583336)
    
    This was funny the first 100 times. Now it is getting boring!

23. Digusting and Shameful (Score:-1)
    by egg troll on 2001.11.18 22:27 (#2582054)
    
    Having masturbated *twice* to this post, I'm still incredibly aroused! Come over for a Taco Snot. I'll be wearing my crotchless Clifford the Big Red Dog outfit!!
    
    For more info check out this /. article

24. IMPROVE THE FAQ (Score:-1, Flamebait)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.18 12:03 (#2580822)
    
    add more links to goatse and to cowboineal's site to make it better. a link to rotten.com would be nice too
    • Re:IMPROVE THE FAQ (Score:0)
      by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.18 12:18 (#2580832)
      
      and a link to michael's site and to jon katz's site if he has one and homo's site. i dont know what else to say. maybe a few links to phallic.org they have nice penis pictures! a link to the planet quake site or whatever. really make the reader feel this faq really answers their questions. oh yeah, and when you talk about cmdrtaco snotting you, say he brought you to "orgasm after sweaty orgasm". describe it more is all i'm saying. and use more italics and bolding! and when you talk about jon katz shitting or whatever have a link to fecal japan on rotten.com
      
      other wise a great job wipo troll! keep up the good work!

25. Re:CmdrTaco's filthy secret! (Score:-1)
    by Wil Wheaton on 2001.11.18 6:41 (#2580438)
    
    Hi. Let's be buddies.. butt buddies.
    --
    WIL WHEATON DOT NET

26. WIPO speaks the truth (Score:-1)
    by dead_puppy on 2001.11.18 5:33 (#2580342)
    
    Here is an e-mail I received a week ago:
    
    From: malda@slashdot.org
    To: puppy_dead@hotmail.com
    Subject: were where you last friday? :(
    
    I thought we where supposed to meet at Backdoor's at 8-ish, sugar-lips? You could've at least told me that you could'nt make it! I was even in my favorite pink skirt for you, honey-cup... next time, you could be more considarite and tell me you cant come... bastard.
    
    --
    CmdrTaco (malda@slashdot.org)
    
    You finding Ling-Ling's head?

27. Taco snotting is WRONG!!! (Score:-1)
    by Big_Ass_Spork on 2001.11.18 4:53 (#2580300)
    
    I do it wrong
    
    Laying here in the shadows of my room, I squint up at my love. My Ms. Portman. I am sore and tired after fucking her for eight solid hours. My chapped and aching dick is soaking in grits to relieve the pain. She gets on her knees and starts lapping the grits up out of the bowl. She places her beautiful hands on my penis and starts to lick the grits off my achy piece.
    
    Massaging my nutsack she....
    
    WAIT, I DO IT WRONG!!!!
    
    Yanking my dick out of her mouth I throw her to the ground and shove it in to her gaping freshly fisted ass. [goatse.cx]
    
    "OH BIG ASS SPORK!! Fuck my ass, fuck my ass good. DEEPER, my stallion, deeper!! Make a Beowulf cluster of sperm on my back!!"
    
    "Imagine a Beowulf cluster of this baby!"
    
    I DO IT WRONG!!!!
    
    ---
    All your Sporks are belong to Big_Ass_Spork! What you say?! All your Sporks are belo... forget it...

28. Rob Malda Dead at age 25! (Score:-1)
    by j0nkatz on 2001.11.17 22:54 (#2579596)
    
    I just heard some sad news on the radio -- famous queerbait Rob Malda was found dead in his Holland home this morning. The details were a bit hazy, but it seems that he drowned in jizz while Taco Snotting his friend Hemos. I'm sure everyone in the /. community will miss him -- even if you didn't enjoy his queer antics and boring ass website, there's no denying his contributions to the homosesual cultural development, particularly in the areas of Taco snotting. Truly an American icon.
    
    I wanna Open Source sex so it won't be worth a shit either.

29. TACO-SNOTTING is really Donkey-Punching (Score:-1, Troll)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.15 6:38 (#2567601)
    
    No no no, the correct term for that is "donkey-punch". I have eye-witnessed this amazing eye-popping event demonstrated on unsuspecting hose-monsters by my frat brothers in the past.. . :-)

30. Re:the effect of knowlege laws... (Score:1)
    by AbsoluteRelativity on 2001.11.15 5:31 (#2567457)
    
    The WIPO Troll
    Slashdot and the Karma Lottery - News for uber monkeys, by uber monkeys.

31. Re:Taco-Snotting (Score:-1, Troll)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.13 9:27 (#2557632)
    
    Oh, man that's just sick !

32. HOW DO I GET AN ANONYMOUS PROXY? (Score:-1, Troll)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.13 9:03 (#2557604)
    
    TELL ME WHERE I CAN GET AN ANONYMOUS proxy please WIPO Troll. Maybe later i will join you in a snotting at my place. ;P

33. Re:Taco-Snottage!?!?!? (Score:-1, Offtopic)
    by vikool on 2001.11.13 7:43 (#2557495)
    
    what is this bull shit,i feel offened that some people feel so so senseless to post stuff like these esp when such a tragic incident has occured

34. Re:Taco-felching!! (Score:-1)
    by I.T.R.A.R.K. on 2001.11.11 22:38 (#2551890)
    
    Where the fuck do I sign up?!
    
    - I throw rocks at retarded kids
    
    "Adequacy.org: Where congenital stupidity is not an option, but a requirement."

35. Re:Taco-felching!! (Score:-1, Troll)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.11 21:53 (#2551753)
    
    this shit is hilarious..keep up the good work.

36. Re:Taco-felching!! (Score:-1, Offtopic)
    by rockwood on 2001.11.11 21:49 (#2551746)
    
    OMG! That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard! WHo in their right mind would sit down and waste the time to construct such a replusive story. I guess I'll be skipping lunch and dinner today.. and possibly tomorrow also. The game doesn't affect reality. Reality affects the game.

37. Re:Ban this! It's disgusting!! (Score:0)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.11 14:43 (#2550701)
    
    dude, this is crap-flood material if i ever saw it.
    duuuuuuuuudddddddddddddeeeeeeeee.

38. Re:Taco-Snotting = HATE SPEECH (Score:-1, Flamebait)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.11 8:16 (#2550266)
    
    horny_rob_6969@hotmail.com
    
    Ah, so that's what the alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.horny-rob newsgroup is about!

39. MOD THIS UP PLEASE!!! (Score:-1)
    by egg troll on 2001.11.11 5:34 (#2550024)
    
    +5, Arousing
    
    For more info check out this /. article

40. Re:Taco-Snotting = HATE SPEECH (Score:-1, Offtopic)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.11 4:39 (#2549891)
    
    WINNER>

41. Re:Taco-Snotting = HATE SPEECH (Score:-1, Offtopic)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.11 4:37 (#2549887)
    
    I love you. Why do you use your bitchslapped account, rather than signing up for a new account to post at +1 before getting bitchslapped by the censors here? I guess I should speak for myself, but I don't want to log out and lose all my slashdot customization properties, nor do I want to lose my 50 karma yet.

42. Re:On Taco-Snotting (Score:0)
    by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.09 9:19 (#2542412)
    
    you fucking rock! right down to the expanded cvs id!
    
    WIPO trolls > linux

________________________________________

• The URL of this document is http://slashdot.org/journal.pl? op=display &uid=267426 &id=2346.
• Previous revisions are maintained at http://slashdot.org/journal.pl? op=display &uid=308209.

$Id: tacosnotting.html,v 1.12 2001/12/02 20:07:02 wipo Exp $

/.-ed already

[Dreamland]

Google's mirror: http://www.google.com/search?q=cache:dDSV8GMMeDM:w ww.satirewire.com/features/poetry_spam/spam_winner .shtml+&hl=en

Re:/.-ed already

[fatphil]

That google-cached page has a 2000 copyright date on it - is that a cache of last year's result?

FP.

Here's my entry you censorware bastards

[Anonymous Coward]

coming from two big speakers in the corners. That's okay with you, isn't it Jake, black women hot black sites sex she asked! Fine by me, he answered back. Before their own eyes, the massive black women black porn movies xxx penis grew until it was at it's full erection. Kathy giving a quick look around the store, quickly took her black women ebony nipples free hand and slid it into the hot slit inches in front of her eyes! Valerie lay back with her legs spread wide black women ametuar black porn apart and her pussy lips dripping with juice. Hungrily he gave each nipple a long suck, black women little naked black girls causing them to shrivel up in the cool bedroom air. Jonelle reluctantly released the black penis, and slowly removed her black women white girls who suck black cock, clothing, never letting her eyes leave the hardon that was pointing directly at her. By now, she scrambling to get off her clothing, and she was pretty black women hard core ebony porn hefty, with her massive breasts the dominating feature on her short squat body. Even in this dim light, however, he could see that everyone was naked and erect, and black women black beauties the older brothers were standing outside the ring of pledges slowly jerking their dicks. Sliding on top of her, he could feel her softness, the smoothness of her black women ebony black tgp thighs, the slight bulge in her belly, and the fullness of her heavy breasts! Well, the more the merrier, she thought, as she walked black women black beauties quickly up the walk to the large imposing red front door. Positioning herself just right, the big black women black sex manga dick slowly entered her tight little cunt. Oh suck me off, she begged, bucking her hips forward, trying black women black girl dick desperately to keep that wonderful tongue right where it would do the most good!!! She was sure of it when he answered, Yes black women ebony thumbs booty Mistress, I'll lick your sweet pussy for you! Most of the time they were either in PJ's or tee shirts and panties, but it was still fun black women black girls thongs to blow a load watching a bunch of near naked high school girls jumping and playing around! The cocksucker husband got down next to the woman and black women ebony big black boobs took a nipple into his mouth and sucked on her gently. When the head was safely inside her cunt, she black women black on asian sex sank down, burying his meat deep inside of her. As he did this, Amber felt his black women black sex fantisy hand casually brush across her breast. Now my turn, Vicki said, my black women a look at a black woman clitoris own cunt is hot as a fire cracker! While wiping the cum from her chin with the back of her hand she replied with a black women black girls sucking white dick chuckle, You don't care do you, at least a minute ago you weren't complaining!!! As usual, her orgasm was long and hard, her black women ebony pictures young vagina now so needful of it's daily release.

Re:Here's my entry you censorware bastards

[Anonymous Coward]

more please! But without all the random words...just post some great sex stories.

This is getting old

[Anonymous Coward]

Hey dicksuck, why don't you come up with new troll material? Everyone has seen the tacosnotting 100 times already. Fuckwit. Assholage. Gay. Lick my anal nectar.

Re:This is getting old

[George WIPO Bush]

You've witnessed a Taco-snotting over a hundred times?? Ewwwwwwww.... Oh, and: Shove a dick up your ass and spin on it. Maybe it'll cum in you and you won't be such an unpleasant little man anymore.

Re:This is getting old

[Anonymous Coward]

That's the point - it got enough exposure that people remember it. Personally, I think it's a brilliant troll.

Nutshell

[The Lyrics Guy]

Alice In Chains - Nutshell

We chase misprinted lies
We face the path of time
And yet I fight
And yet I fight
This battle all alone
No one to cry to
No place to call home

Oooh...Oooh...
Oooh...Oooh...

My gift of self is raped
My privacy is raked
And yet I find
And yet I find
Repeating in my head
If I can't be my own
I'd feel better dead

Oooh...Oooh...
Oooh...Oooh...

What's Next?

[spatrick_123]

What's next - magnetic spam for your refrigerator?

stop dont do this!

[kuiken]

This is an evil plot from the spamlords to get us to actualy read the spam we get, instead of trashing it.

IGNORE ABOVE POST! Re:/.-ed already

[fatphil]

Sorry, brain is addled!

(Of course it it last year's ... this year's hasn't even run to completion yet.)

2nd Annual Troll Spam

[propstoalldeadhomiez]

That's right, it's that time of the year again for the the annual troll spam, an event where contestants write trolls consisting entirely of quotes from spam e-mail. You can also check out the winner of last year's contest.

My entry

[imrdkl]

\323\353\326\332\262\273\315\254\265\304\265\330\3 26\267\263\366 \312\333,\262\273\270\320\320\313\310\244\307\353\ 311\276\263\375\313\253\323\256\324\332\317\337-\3 03\277\310\325\264\363\275\261-\310 \375\320\307\307\351\302\302\315\370\321\333

Almost brings a tear to your eye, dont it?

Poem from /. comments

[Anonymous Coward]

I hope this is first post,
Today, you mod me down,
Tell me a good host,
Cause I need to take /. down.

Dont click on that,
It's got goatse,
Two cents in my hat,
I dont see.

Entirely?

[Otter]

an event where contestants write poetry consisting entirely of quotes from spam e-mail.

The way the rules read to me, it doesn't have to be "entirely."

? For "Strictly Spam" category: your entry must use actual phrases (hopefully recognizable phrases) from actual Spam email (a.k.a. unsolicited email).
? For "Freestyle" category: your entry does not have to include actual phrases from Spam, but must be a poem about Spam. Poems about the Janus family of mutual funds, or Harry Potter, will not be considered.

(Not sure if the question marks are intended or some smart quotes issue.) Kind of wimpy to me -- I'd rather entries had to be all spam with no glue.

New Movement

[LaNMaN2000]

An entire new activist movement could be spawned with the slogan: "don't waste mental effort that can never again be reclaimed; send only RECYCLED SPAM!"

Goatse.cx guy, dude with a loose anus, dead at 31

[WeatherTroll]

I just heard some sad news on talk radio - the goatse.cx guy was found dead in his home this morning. There weren't any more details. I'm sure everyone in the Slashdot community will miss him - even if you didn't enjoy his work and/or aren't a troll, there's no denying his contributions to Slashdot culture. Truly a Slashdot icon.

Haiku

[gandalf_grey]

you make much money we promise great fortune empty your account

I like

[Fucky the troll]

oi loikes great big 'airy tits. an' sheyp and pegs an' coows.

Re:I like

[The Lyrics Guy]

The North Minehead Bye-Election

Knock. Door opens.

Landlady (Terry Jones): Hello, Mr and Mrs Johnson, isn't it?

Mr Johnson (Eric Idle): Yes, that's right. Yes.

Landlady: Oh, come on in. Excuse me not shaking hands, I've just been putting a bit of lard on the cat's boil. (Door closes)

Johnson: Very nice.

Landlady: Oh, you must be tired. It's a long drive from Coventry, isn't it?

Johnson: Yes, well, we usually reckon on five and a half hours and it took us six hours and 53 minutes, with a 25 minute wait at Frampton Cottrell to stretch our legs; only we had to wait half an hour to get onto the M5 at Droitwich.

Landlady: Really?

Johnson: Then there was a three mile queue just before Bridgewater on the A38. We usually come round on the B3339, you see, just before Bridgewater.

Landlady: Yeah. Really?

Johnson: We decided to risk it 'cause they always say they're going to widen it there. Yes, well just by the intersection there where the A372 joins up. There's plenty of room to widen it there, there's only grass verges. They could get another six feet, knock down that hospital. Then we took the coast road through Williton - we got all the Taunton traffic on the A358 from Crowcombe and Stogumber.

Landlady: Well you must be dying for a cup of tea.

Johnson: Well, wouldn't say no, long as it's warm and wet.

Landlady: Well come on in the lounge, I'm just about to serve afternoon tea.

Johnson: Very nice.

Landlady: Come on in, Mr and Mrs Johnson and meet Mr and Mrs Phillips.

Mr Phillips (Terry Gilliam): Good afternoon.

Johnson: Good afternoon.

Landlady: It's their third year with us; we can't keep you away, can we? And over here is Mr Hilter.

(In the corner are three German generals in full Nazi uniform, poring over a map.)

Hilter (Cleese with heavy German accent): Ach. Ha! Gut time, er, gut afternoon.

Landlady: Oho, planning a little excursion, eh, Mr Hilter?

Hilter: Ja, ja, ve haff a little... (to Palin) was ist Abweise bewegen?

Bimmler (Michael Palin, also with German accent): Hiking.

Hilter: Ah yes, ve make a little *hike* for Bideford.

Johnson: Ah yes. Well, you'll want the A39. Oh, no, you've got the wrong map there. This is Stalingrad. You want the Ilfracombe and Barnstaple section.

Hilter: Ah! Stalingrad! Ha ha ha, Heinri...Reginald, you have the wrong map here you silly old leg-before-vicket English person.

Bimmler: I'm sorry mein Fuhrer, mein (cough) mein Dickie old chum.

Landlady: Oh, lucky Mr Johnson pointed that out. You wouldn't have had much fun in Stalingrad, would you? Ha ha. (stony silence) I said, you wouldn't have had much fun in Stalingrad, would you?

Hilter: Not much fun in Stalingrad, no.

Landlady: Oh I'm sorry. I didn't introduce you. This is Ron. Ron Vibbentrop.

Johnson: Oh, not Von Ribbentrop, eh?

Vibbentrop (Graham Chapman, with German Accent): Nein! Nein! Oh. Ha ha. Different other chap. I in Somerset am being born. Von Ribbentrop is born Gotterdammerstrasse 46, Dusseldorf Vest 8.....so they say!

Landlady: And this is the quiet one, Mr Bimmler, Heinrich Bimmler.

Bimmler: How do you do there squire? I also am not of Minehead being born but I in your Peterborough Lincolnshire was given birth to. But am staying in Peterborough Lincolnshire house all time during vor, due to jolly old running sores, and vos unable to go in the streets or to go visit football matches or go to Nuremburg. Ha ha. Am retired vindow cleaner and pacifist, without doing war crimes. Oh...and am glad England vin Vorld Cup. Bobby Charlton. Martin Peters. And eating I am lots of chips and fish and hole in the toads and Dundee cakes on Piccadilly Line, don't you know old chap, vot! And I vos head of Gestapo for ten years. (Hilter elbows him in the ribs) Ah! Five years! (Hilter elbows him again, harder) Nein! No! Oh. Was NOT head of Gestapo AT ALL! I was not, I make joke! (laughs)

Landlady: Oh, Mr Bimmler. You do have us on! (Telephone rings) Oh excuse me. I must just go and answer that.

Johnson: How long are you down here for, Mr Hilter, just the fortnight?

Hilter: Vot you ask that for, are you a spy or something? Get on against the wall, Britischer Pig, you are going to die!

Bimmler: Take it easy, Dickie old chum!

Vibbentrop: I'm sorry Mr. Johnson, he's a bit on edge. He hasn't slept since 1945.

Hilter: Shut your cake-hole, you Nazi!

Vibbentrop: Cool it, Fuhrer cat!

Bimmler: Ha ha, the fun we have!

Johnson: Haven't I seen him on the television?

Hilter, Vibbentrop, Bimmler: (hastily) Nicht. Nein. No.

Johnson: Simon Dee show, or was it Frosty?

Hilter, Vibbentrop, Bimmler: Nein. No.

Landlady: Telephone, Mr Hilter. It's Mr McGoering from the Bell and Compasses. He says he's found a place where you can hire bombers by the hour...?

Hilter: If he opens his big mouth again, it's Lapschig time!

Bimmler: Shut up! Ha ha, hire bombers! He's a joker, that Scottish person.

Vibbentrop: Good old Norman!

Landlady (to Johnson): He's on the phone the whole time nowadays

Johnson: In business, is he?

Bimmler: Soon, baby!

Landlady: Of course it's his big day Thursday. They've been planning it for months.

Johnson: What's happening then?

Landlady: Well it's the North Minehead bye-election. Mr Hilter's standing as the National Bocialist candidate. He's got wonderful plans for Minehead!

Johnson: Like what?

Landlady: Well, for a start he wants to annex Poland.

Johnson: Oh, North Minehead's Conservative, isn't it?

Landlady: Well, yes, he gets a lot of people at his rallies.

Johnson: Rallies?

LandLady: Well, they're Bocialist meetings down at the Axis Cafe on Rosedale Road.

(Short scene cut: huge crowds outside going "Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil.")

Hilter: I am not a racialist, but...and dis is a big but...the National Bocialist party says that das (stream of German).

Bimmler: Mr Hitler (Hilter slaps him) ...Hilter says historically Taunton is a part of Minehead already!

Hilter: Und der Minehead ist nicht die letze (stream of German)...in die Welt!

Crowd: Sieg Heil.

(Cut to interviews on the street)

Yokel (Chapman): I don't like the sound of these 'ere Boncentration Bamps.

Woman (Idle): Well, I gave him my baby to kiss, and he bit it in the head!

Upper class (Cleese): Well, I think he'd do a lot of good to the Stock Exchange.

Woman (Cleese): No! No!

Himmler (in disguise): Oh yes Britisher pals, he is wunderbar-ful.

Pepperpot (Jones):

Gumby (Jones): I think he's got beautiful legs.

Conservative (Chapman): (droning) Well... speaking as the Conservative candidate I just drone on and on and on and on without letting anyone else get a word in edgeways, until I start foaming at the mouth and falling over backwards. Ooo-aaahhh. (THUD)

(Cut back to 'Spectrum' host)

Host (Michael Palin): Foam at the mouth and fall over backwards. Is he foaming at the mouth to fall over backwards or falling over backwards to foam at the mouth? Tonight's 'Spectrum' examines the whole question of frothing and falling, coughing and calling, screaming and bawling, walling and stalling, brawling and mauling, falling and hauling, trawling and squalling, and zalling. Zalling. It isn't even a word zalling. If it is what does it mean? If it isn't what does it mean? Perhaps both, maybe neither. What do I mean by the word 'mean'? What do I mean by the word 'word'? What do I mean by 'what do I mean'? What do I mean by 'do' and what do I do by 'mean'? And what do I do by do by do and what do I mean by wasting your time like this? Good night.

Re:I like

[Anonymous Coward]

Cleese was from Weston Super Mare of course. & the A38 is still a fucking pain in the ass after 30 years...

Re:I like

[Fucky the troll]

Too right. And I hate the way it keeps stalking the M5 too. Every junction has the A38 signposted. Grrrr.

Hi! How are you?

FIRST POST!!!!

Re:Haiku Properly formatted...

[gandalf_grey]

you make much money
we promise great fortune
empty your account

I don't get it.

[Anonymous Coward]

It looks like a bunch of random numbers and backslashes.

Re:I don't get it.

[imrdkl]

The lameness filter wouldn't let me post the actual characters, these are the hex. I'm quite certain it's poetic, and that's all that matters, right?

Re:I don't get it.

[Anonymous Coward]

I hope you mean octal, not hex....

Re:Goatse.cx guy, dude with a loose anus, dead at

[Anonymous Coward]

not true, hes alive and kicking.

http://www.livejournal.com/~goatse_guy/

Bullshit

[Anonymous Coward]

Who's going to pay $3000 for a motorised Razor Scooter?

from the classics department:

[kievit]

I could view 2 winners and 2 runner ups before the site was slashdotted, but they did not in the least approach the funniness of this brilliant piece. It dates from 1995 or so (yes, spam already existed by that time). I do not know the original source; the linked mail dates from Jul 15 1995, maybe it is even older.

Freestyle contest as well...

[NOT-2-QUICK]

For those of you who have far too many artistic yearnings to be limited by the simplistic verbiage supplied in the ever-repetitious flow of spam into your inbox, the Satire Wire [SatireWire.com] site is also hosting a second category of Spam oriented poetry that allows a bit more flexibility in word selection - the Freestyle Poetry contest [SatireWire.com]...

For those looking for an example of such artistry, here is last years winner:

SHAKESPAM

To spam, or not to spam: that is the question:
Whether 'tis slimier in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous claims,
Or to respond and create a sea of troubles,
Or, by deleting, end them

Neither a forwarder nor a spammer be;
For spam oft loses both itself and friend

But, soft! what message through yonder inbox comes?
It is the spam, and xfVa45af@yahoo.com is the sender.

The first thing we do let's kill all the spammers.

Even more surprisingly, this entry was from a female. Not to say that females are not capable of poetry or even working with computers...I just thought they actually read and enjoyed their spam!!! Atleast I think all of the blonde women do... :-)

umm

[fjordboy]

Is there any rule against using SpamMimic and simply encoding a poem in spam?

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was specially selected to be sent to you ! We will
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sent in compliance with Senate bill 2216 ; Title 1
, Section 306 . This is not a get rich scheme . Why
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not a get rich scheme . Why work for somebody else
when you can become rich inside 92 days . Have you
ever noticed nobody is getting any younger and most
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has been submitted to us indicating your interest in
our letter ! We will comply with all removal requests
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you ever noticed people love convenience plus nearly
every commercial on telev..... and this goes on and on.....

Re:umm

[theJavaMan]

I decoded this:

"I dwell in a lonely house I know That vanished many a summer ago, And left no trace but the cellar walls, And a cellar in"

Why don't you post the whole message?

Re:umm

[fjordboy]

I originally encoded the whole thing and was going to paste it all in, but it was far too large...so i just arbitrarily cut off a whole bunch so poeple could at least get the jist...did you recognize the poem? Tis "Ghost House" by Robert Frost.

Make money from home?

[Ambush]

Amusingly, when going to last year's winning entry I was presented with a banner (to advertising.com) suggesting that if it was flashing then I'd been selected to make money from home. Of course, it was flashing bright red.

=:-)

Hi, Friend! We wish You a pleasant and successful

[Anonymous Coward]

DEAR FRIEND!

If You show some interest and patience, and visit
http://www.escalix.com/freepage/goldflow/, You can earn up to $100,000
and
more during the following 120 days - it depends only on You. DOES IT
SEEMS
TO BE IMPOSSIBLE??? Just visit link below and read attentively to be
sure
there is no catch or deceit. If You are completely lazy - we beg Your
pardon
for the
assumption!!! Then this is not for You!!! You'd better do something
like
surfing either clicking on banners or not doing anything at all. If the
offer hasn't interested You, we bring our apologies and it is not
necessary
to get angry - "spam" has its expenses, just as radio and TV, but do
not
forget, that the first billionaire of the USA, Dale Carnegie said:
"I'll better earn 1% as a result of the efforts of 100 men, than
100%
as a result of my own efforts".

RISE ON THE WAY TO THE FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE AND FREEDOM!!!

Huh? I don't get this

[G00F]

This looks like a way to promote spam more than anything else.

Ya, lets get all those messages we do not want, and READ them, and spend more time on them in making poetry out of it.

Re:Huh? I don't get this

[Kalabajoui]

"This looks like a way to promote spam more than anything else"

Not really; at least no more than the funny and creative things that people do with AOL CD's have anything to do with the promotion of AOL

To all you spammers out there...

[uriyan]

Shall I compare thee to bits of stone?
You serve less purpose, and cause much more trouble
The stone doth stay when roughest winds are gone
But when IPs are traced, you're already on the double

Sometimes too slow the mail servers are
And often is their total bandwith dimm'd
By thine empty headers who bring far
Less money than to you it must have seemed

But thy eternal spam-fest will not pass
Nor will you lose those d4rk-IPz j00 0wn
Nor shall /dev/null contain all your tries
To make some money, since your work's really worth none

So long as l4m3rs live and traffic's free
So long lives spam, and spam gives life to thee

Re:To all you spammers out there...

[Inside_Joke]

I can honestly say I never thought I'd see a Shakespearian sonnet outside of my high school English classes.

It even keeps the proper structure the whole way through.

This guy deserves a cookie. I mean really.

Darn..

[proxima]

I knew I shouldn't have deleted all of my spam from the past year. I guess it's time to randomly place my e-mail address on newsgroups to get enough spam in the next few weeks to write some good poetry.

Re:Darn..

[Cam Wheeler]

Thats ok. Just sign up for a new ms hotmail account and you'll have enough spam to write the spam equivilant of War and Peace by the time the competition ends.

"The two greatest warriors are time and patience: they will do everything, and your real university diploma is waiting for an individual like yourself"

For those of you still using AOL....

[Overdrive_SS]

Here's your chance to use all that spam to win the gifts of your dreams. Thats right, the 20 dollars a month you are spending for a 56K busy signal could be your ticket to not one but TWO tshirts, a hat, a coffee mug, and that's not all... If you enter now(and win), we'll throw in a mousepad for free. We know it sounds too good to be true, but you too can glory in the riches this contests offers. Hurry, there is no time to waste, enter now!

Offer valid in 49 states, sorry Tennessee!

Re:Haiku Properly formatted...

[Anonymous Coward]

shouldn't that be something like

you make much money
we promise a great fortune
empty your account

Re:Haiku Properly formatted...

[zbuffered]

How about...

Consolidate Debt
Improve Your Credit Rating
Click here for details

or

You've already won
Click here and fill out the form
We will spam you more

or

Do you like free sexxx?
Give us credit card numbers!
No, really, it's free!

i say

[SlaveTroll]

how about i just skull fuck you cmdrtaco you big fag.

Mosaic

[SomeOtherGuy]

This would go good with a contest to see who could create the best mosaic of Bill Gates made solely out of banner ads. Kind of like a visual icon of the 21st century om tribute to what the internet has become. Spam poetry in the morning artshow in the afternoon....Webcast only $4.95 -- if you have the newest quicktime viewer that is....

finally...

[gtx]

a use for all this goddamn (previously) useless crap that has been piling up for the last year or so... and to think i was just going to delete it.

I HAVE ENOUGH SPAM COLLECTED TO FUCKING RECREATE THE ENTIRE WORKS OF SHAKESPEARE*

time to get to work

*this, of course, is assuming that hamlet said things like "Add 2-3 inches to your penis INSTANTLY" or "THIS IS NOT MLM!!!" or "According to UNITED STATES LAW, this email cannot be considered spam..."

All Your Linux Are Belong to Us

[egg troll]

In A.D. 2001

Bankruptcy was beginning

CmdrTaco: What happen ?
CowboyKneel: Somebody set up us the economy
CowboyKneel: We get financial report
CmdrTaco: What !
CowboyKneel: Main screen turn on
CmdrTaco: It's You !!
Creditor: How are you gentlemen !!
Creditor: All your linux server are belong to us
Creditor: You are on the way to chapter 11
CmdrTaco: What you say !!
Creditor: You have no chance to survive sell your stock
Creditor: HA HA HA HA ....
CowboyKneel: Taco!
CmdrTaco: Sell off every 'thing'
CmdrTaco: I know what I doing
CmdrTaco: Sell 'thing'

Because I Can

[Anonymous Coward]

There are several reasons for drinking,
And one has just entered my head;
If a man cannot drink when he`s living
How the Hell can he drink when he`s dead ?

`WARE TOMATO-JUICE

[Anonymous Coward]

An accident happened to my brother Jim
When somebody threw a tomato at him -
Tomatoes are juicy and don`t hurt the skin,
But this one was specially packed in a tin.

Why bother����

[Anonymous Coward]

Why write about losing 100lbs in 3 days or make $100,000 from home when you can write about goatse.cx!

But trolls are not good poets!

Sure way to root out the real spammers

[BierGuzzl]

Get em as they stand up to claim damages due to copyright violations!

Slashdot`s In House Poem

[Anonymous Coward]

Les noms des fous
Sont ecrits partout.

The names of fools are written everywhere.

come over to the dark side

[trance9]

This contest demonstrates the literary value of spam, so... spam is good! We ought to embrace it. The winning poem ought to be mailed out to as many email addresess as possible.

The opensource movement ought to contribute all of the addresses from all mailing lists, from all website registrations, from slashdot and freshmeat, and anywhere else.

The winning poem, which no doubt will be pretty damn funny, ought to be turned into a chain letter, requesting that you forward it to 12 friends. Furthermore, it ought to have a viral attachment that, when opened, mails it out to everyone in your address book.

With the collective might of the opensource movement behind it the resulting mailstorm ought to bring the net to its knees.

This is bad...

[Snaller]

... it lends legitmacy to spam... oh well

Re:This is bad...

[3th3rn3t]

ENLARGE YOUR PENIS SO THAT YOU CAN USE IT AS A WEAPON ! geesh ! at least you can give them creativity. they are getting better by the day !

Maybe start with my lastest inbox gem

[GreggBert]

I should use the spam that has been splattering into my inbox over the last week "Increase your ejaculation volume by 581% !!!". I could probably base a poem on that one. I would know how to start. That part is easy. I'm just not sure I could stop.

Re:Maybe start with my lastest inbox gem

[TypoDaemon]

yeah - with five times the ejaculation volume, i don't think i'd be able to stop for a while either. ;)

Now if only I could find a spam ...

[irksome]

Does anyone know where I can get a copy of a spam that includes the text "oh freddled gruntbuggly"?

Can't participate.

[Some Dumbass...]

I would like to participate in this contest, but I only get about one Spam e-mail a week, so I don't have enough source material to work with. Could someone please help me out?

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Haiku Properly formatted...

[fossa]

The haiku style of poetry originated in Japan I believe. The ease of creating rhymes in Japanese (many words have common endings) makes western style poetry not very interesting to write. IIRC Japanese "syllables" aren't exactly analagous with syllables in English. In light of this, when writing haikus in English, some insist on a strict syllable count while others are content with a "short line, long line, short line" scheme.

At Last!

[Jucius Maximus]

Now I understand why I started archiving all the spam I received back in Dec 1999... This should be a cool project. Alas, I stopped collecting and started using filters in Sept 2000.

This reminds me..

[Pacorro]

I have to check my Hotmail account.

Troll Spam!!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

This gives me a fucking GREAT idea!!!!!!

Now, we bug the shit out of a lot of Linux fags with our trolls, but how about if we start EMAILING OUR TROLLS TO THEM!!!!! YES!!!!! Or at least rob malda!!!!

YES!!!!!

This is our goal, the next troll tuesday.

Lets get it done.

Re:Troll Spam!!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

Whoa shit....... this was put all the way to the bottom... Malda must know that this is a good idea... lets fucking troll him.

Frightening

[rackrent]

I work around a bunch of poetry MFAs (Masters of Fine Arts. I mean...Mother-f-ing A-holes), and quite frankly, they could learn a thing or two from these spammers. The idea of teaching someone to write good poetry just seems random to me, so my hats off to the PoetrySpam to expose these wannabe poets for what they are.

But that's just me ranting.

Ah, damn.

[CaptainCarrot]

And here I just emptied out my email Trash. There goes all my material! (And what poor Miss Cleo must think of me, with me never calling her and all!)

Oh well. Better luck next year, I suppose.

Re:Ah, damn.

[Dr. Mutex]

And here I just emptied out my email Trash

I guess I could help you out by setting my filters to forward all my spam to you. Would you also like the messages people send to me in order to have my advice?

Re:Ah, damn.

[CaptainCarrot]

Uh, no, that's OK, I'm fine. No, really. Please, don't trouble yourself. HEY, LOOK, JUST BACK OFF MAN!!!!

Re:Ah, damn.

[Dr. Mutex]

Too late, I already forwarded the contents of my deleted items folder to you. I figured 237 spamagrams would really get you started. :)

Some great material there, let's see:

Take the vacation you've always dreamed of
JAPANESE SCHOOLGIRLS ARE WAITING FOR YOU
Our service is TOTALLY FREE
Your satisfaction is guaranteed
We help you every step of the way
Start enjoying your new lifestyle today
[Burma Shave]

Dr. Mutex didn't really send all that junk to the Cap'n--but the threat^h^h^h^h^h^hoffer still stands

poetry? my ass

[Khopesh]

Check out the winner and runners-up. There is no meter, there are no rhymes. This is just spliced quotes in moderately humorous arrangement. Maybe this year's will have a real poem?

Here's my entry...

[SlimySlimy]

I send you this poem in order to have your XXX PINK TEENS 100% FREE!

this one is

[Anonymous Coward]

so fucking good.... :~)

Re:poetry? my ass

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, T. S. Eliot would be turning in his grave.

BE A MILLIONAIRE !!!

[OpperNerd]

I was given your name as someone who has business sense
and would be interested in a great opportunity.

This is the letter you have been hearing about on the news lately.

Stop creditors calling you on the phone
Help avoid bankruptcy

You do not need another loan
No Application Fee, No Setup Fee

As a selected guest we are making this special offer to you.
** NEVER BEFORE SEEN **

Before you say ''Bull'', please read the following.
YOUR FINANCIAL DREAMS WILL COME TRUE, GUARANTEED!

Achieve financial success.
Enjoy life again

We can help. Come see how
GUARANTEED, or your money back

BE A MILLIONAIRE LIKE OTHERS WITHIN A YEAR!!!
Click Here for info!

Spam++

[GeniusBug]

Top spam in my trash:
sender: Admissions--Sessions.edu [beatrixs@sessions.edu]

"Dear Naomi,
BOO!!! Halloween is just around the corner and Sessie, the design ghost, wanted to wish you a HAPPY HALLOWEEN by offering you 10% off all of our courses and programs! Although Halloween is traditionally for children, big kids deserve a treat too, and with Sessie's help you'll be creating web pages, flash presentations, or company logos in no time!"

Sure, I'm not laughing. "Sessie, the design ghost"? some people..