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You May Not Link This Web Site
Ganon34 sent us a funny story about a company requiring permission to link their website. The company in question is KPMG, a financial and legal advisory company, and the article itself is an entertaining read about the aftermath of them sending demands that someone remove a link to their public web site. It's a pretty funny piece -- especially the part about KPMG's theme song. Also references the old ticketmaster vs ticet.com case that held up deep linking. It's all funny 'cuz its true.
Their page could also use some testing since it doesn't render in my browser.
That is one horrible flash intro at KPMG. No wonder they want people to get permission to link to it.
--- Think of it as evolution in action ---
Oops I did it again!
Damnit!
If they don't want people linking to their website, just block all referrers. Mind you, it might be a bit difficult to get to their website, but rules are rules!
Wouldn't this be like hindering freedom of the press or something? That's like saying, "If you use our name in daily conversation, we'll sue you." Its almost as bad as companies trying to sue people because they give their products a bad review.
Job? I don't have time to get a job! Who will sit around and bitch about being broke and unemployed then?
Okay... so here's what I don't get... the company's policy clearly says "KPMG is obligated to protect its reputation and trademarks and KPMG reserves the right to request removal of any link to our website."
So what do they think? EVERYONE that they request to remove a link is going too. If they want to try to use this stupid policy to "enforce" something (what, I'm still not quite sure) then at least word it properly. In the form of "we request the right to force you to remove a link to our site." Not that either policy actually means anything.
I reserve the right to request you to remove any silver type jewerly while visitng my website.
that you ask permission before sending email to my inbox - or I'll sue!
try { do() || do_not(); } catch (JediException err) { yoda(err); }
What do you expect from a company that hires people based on GPA and status of college? All of the major consulting companies, Bain, McKinsey, PWC, et al, they won't even interview you if your SAT scores, GPA, and College aren't "top notch." It is pretty sad, as if this is really a measurement of ability. These companies don't like anyone to be individual or think outside the box and it shows in their draconian policies.
--Jon
If my boss gave me the choice between singing that song and sodomizing myself with a baseball bat dipped in a paste of ground glass and 5-minute epoxy, I'd ask him for a map to the nearest Home Depot.
Clearly this is just a clever ploy to get tons of people to link to them. Look how many people have taken the bait so far!
If Current Trends Continue(tm), it's only a matter of time before they're at the top of the results for every google search.
Thought experiments for my web hypothetical kpmgsucks.com web site (someone owns it already):
- A link to KPMG that displays only if you're coming in from a kpmg.com (oops!) address. (I'd love to hear the conversation between KPMG and its outside corporate counsel on that one.)
- A link to KPMG that shows up on 0.1% of all page views, randomly.
- A GIF that looks like a blue, underlined link to kpmg.com (oops!)
if they have written agreements with Google, Altavista, and the other search engines. If not, perhaps their name should be removed from the engine.
Same with the phone books...
"Make it ten--I am only a poor corrupt official."
--Captain Louis Renault (Claude Rains), Casablanca
KPMG Morale and Puffery Manager - Alright, guys, that sounds really positive and great, we'll send you the check in the mail.
...
...
...
(leaves, whistling that godawful song)
Producer - Man, I'm glad that's over.
Studio musicians - Yeah, man. Dig it. Lame gig.
Studio owner - I've been listening to these backwards
Producer - Well, I
Studio owner - You've got Price Waterhouse's human resources department's number backward masked on the first verse. I hope they don't find out
Producer - I couldn't resist. Hours and hours of listening to that damn song! I'm only human, damn it!
Most people haven't heard of firms like this because it does them no good to market to the average consumer since their services are of no interest to them. Large corporations pay them millions however, and you can pretty much bet that just about every Fortune 500 firm is one of their clients. A mid-level consultant in one of these firms bills out at about $300-$400 per hour. They make huge sums of money and wield tremendous power in corporate America.
-Vercingetorix
"Necessitas non habet legem." -St. Augustine
So its their policy, so what? It's not a contract, what binds anyone to abide by it? They can't do anything about it if he links to them, not to mention the free speech implications. This was just a lame attempt to shut off some bad press and ironically they're getting tons of attention for doing it. Perhaps that affect is the intention.
My question is search engines. Does KPMG expect every search engine to "execute an agreement" in order to include: results in their database and subsequently provide the results to their users?
It seems that if, is actually intent on enforcing this policy, then they should require a userid and password to access every page, and then only provide the passwords to websites that have "executed" agreements. Personally, it looks to me like () is doing a good job of executing themeselves.
BTW, if you would like to know more about
Work for Change & GET PAID!
Maybe not, but if you hit that url... then they have DeCSS in their web server's log file! CALL THE MPAA!!!
get your dirty sig off me, you filthy APE!
Pure arrogance.
--
Evan
"$30 for the One True Ring. $10 each additional ring!" -- JRR "Bob" Tolkien
Don't want people linking to your site? Fine. Then don't let them. When the webserver gets an HTTP GET request, check the referrer address. If its not coming from a "proper" link, then simply refuse to serve the page. No need to fuss about improper links. They simply won't work. And you'll be MORE than capable of keeping all those potential customers OFF your website. Who really wants customers anyways? All they do is provide you with more work to do. :)
-Restil
Play with my webcams and lights here
I work at KPMG Consulting; there really is a bizarre lifestyle here. I do LOVE the theme song. It was available on one of our international intranet sites; one of the more hip netherlandic teams had it commissioned as part of their morale-building exercises.
It worked, actually; everyone in the company has laughed about that for the past year. I guess it was only a matter of time before we got publicly ridiculed because of it. I wonder if it was leaked for publicity? Hmmmmm...
KPMG: Please do not link to our website.
HAH! I wonder if CmdrTaco is going to recieve a cease & desist letter? Watch yo bad self, Rob!
Seriously, the irony here is just to much. How does it affect them in any way except more traffic for their site == more exposure + more banner ad revenue. And unless someone is using KPMG's equipment to host that link, they don't have to agree to jack shit. I propose a new theme song:
K-P-M-G!
We're out of touch with reality!
We have a website we don't want you to see.
If you link to us we're gonna break your knees!
It's all a part of our global stradegy...
CAn'T CompreHend SARcaSm?
Jeez. That's a lot of contracts...
"I don't trust goats," --To Catch a Spy
Better yet, KPMG theme song remixes!
the jungle remix
the hard-rock remix
There's also a teutonic remix out there somewhere, somebody want to provide a link?
This was painful to transcribe: mostly because I'm at work and trying to not burst out laughing:
KPMG:
We're strong as can be
A dream of power and energy
We go for the goal
Together we hold on to
Our vision of global strategy
We create
We elevate
We pass the ones that are la-ey-ate
A global shield
This is our dream of success
That we create
We'll be number one
#Whenever that comes?# [hard to make out]
Together each of us will run for gold
That shines like the sun in our eyes
Chorus [1st stanza]
The time is now
To lead the way
We share the same idea that may
Win by the end of the day
A friend that's here to stay
Identity
One energy
One strategy
With sypathy
These are the words
That can lead us to a new world
Chorus
Chorus
key-changed chorus
key-changed chorus a'la Gospel
-Vercingetorix
"Necessitas non habet legem." -St. Augustine
My employer's Head WebMaster recently released the newly revised web policy manual that all of the various department webmonkeys have to abide by.
In that manual under the section titled "Linking Policy" is this paragraph:
I haven't yet inquired as to exactly what the intent of such an absurd statement is or how that would be enforced or how the world at large would even be aware of a policy that is (AFAIK)only referenced in a purely internal document posted on our intranet.
Just how many companies have such silly policies?
Perhaps I'll start "linkriot.com" whose sole purpose is to collect the URL's of and link to the sites of such misguided entities.
lynx -useragent='Mozilla/4.0 (lynx; faked; hahahaha)' http://www.kpmg.com/
After accepting or rejecting the five cookies they offer (one for the initial connection, one for having seen the flash, one for a session id, and some others for who knows what), the page appears, and looks like it was written especially for Lynx! All the images have alt tags, the text formats nicely, it's easy to read..
So now what was all that
Edith Keeler Must Die