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I Believe You Have My Stapler

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the chisel-point dept.

yack0 writes "After three years of demand and countless calls, emails and letters, you can finally buy a Red Swingline Stapler. Hooray! As noted in this wall street journal article and confirmed by this page at the Swingline Stapler web site you can now pick up a Red Swingline stapler for merely twice the price of a plain black stapler. However, a colleague of mine says that the online order form is reading around $16 for his right now. Now all the cubicle dwelling prairie dogs can get one step closer to burning down the building." The red stapler has become some sort of cult icon at this point.

52 of 548 comments (clear)

  1. FP by Loman · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    F I R S T P O S T ! ! ! ! !

  2. SP by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    second post

  3. I just wanted to... by Squeezer · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    get in on the comments before the million office space movie quotes :)

    --
    Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
  4. I want a sledge hammer by Snowbeam · · Score: 1, Offtopic

    I have a ton of machines to beat the living daylight out of. I also have my Office Space Soundtrack to play along to them. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta....

    --
    I am Lord Snowbeam. Heed my call!
  5. it's confirmed: the Internet is dying! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    Can't reach Canada.
    Internet Traffic Report pronounces the internet "dead"!

  6. The Troll Polka: UPDATED by poopbot by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    THE TROLL POLKA (ARSCHFICKEN MIT ZIEGEN)
    By Serial Troller, 2002-06-25

    Is das nicht ein early post? Ja! Das ist mein early post!
    Is das nicht ein Goatse ghost? Ja! Das ist mein Goatse ghost!
    Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

    Is das post at minus one? Ja! Das ist at minus one!
    Is das trolling so much fun? Ja! Das trolling is so fun!
    Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

    Is das nicht ein big crapflood? Ja! Das ist mein big crapflood!
    Is it worthless Linux FUD? Ja! Das ist mein Linux FUD!
    Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

    Is das nicht der CowBoiKneel? Ja! Das ist der CowBoiKneel!
    Is dis nicht his manchode meal? Ja! Das ist his manchode meal!
    CowBoiKneel, manchode meal, Big crapflood, Linux FUD,
    Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

    Is das nicht ein WIPO Troll? Ja! Das ist der WIPO Troll!
    Is das nicht ein Goatse hole? Ja! Das ist der Goatse hole!
    WIPO Troll, Goatse hole, CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,
    Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

    Is das nicht Jon Katz' slave boys? Ja! Das ist Jon Katz' slave boys!
    Und are they not Taco's sex toys? Ja! They are Taco's sex toys!
    Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys, WIPO Troll, Goatse hole,
    CowBoiKneel, manchode meal, Big crapflood, Linux FUD,
    Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

    Is das nicht ein trolltalk thread? Ja! Das ist ein trolltalk thread!
    Is it nicht now FUCKING DEAD? Ja! Is really FUCKING DEAD!
    Trolltalk thread, FUCKING DEAD! Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys,
    WIPO Troll, Goatse hole, CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,
    Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun,
    Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene,
    Slashdot sucks!

    ____________________

    Change Log:

    * Subtle changes to most verses. It sounded really gay before.
    * Removed all references to Taco's pud. May have been high at time. Will investigate further.
    * Finally think I have goat sex written correctly in German. I think. Arschficken?

    (C) 2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.

    - poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart

  7. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by acasto · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    Exactly, it seems something is going on here! What's the deal?

  8. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by Prop · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    What the fuck is this?? A goddamn story about a red fucking stapler?

    Gene Kan is dead. Got it? Dead. From a probable self-inflicted, but we're not sure, but we'll probably call it that, even though his employer says otherwise, and his family for some odd fucking reason doesn't want any details released, gunshot wound. A guy who has just about everything a young cali bro could want, a fancy car collection, respect from his peers, a PAYING job (sorry slashdork crew), you name it. Dead.

    Oh, but the red stapler story is boss.

    They actually REJECTED my story submission this morning.

    New low for Slashdot... if you can believe that!

  9. what I want to know is by Dr.+Awktagon · · Score: 2, Offtopic

    How come /. still hasn't posted a single article about the passing of Gene Kan, but somehow a red stapler makes it to the front page???

    ????

    1. Re:what I want to know is by SLot · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Because there isn't a story there yet?

      No. Serious.

      He killed himself - there is no known reason I've read about, no cause, no real news other than he's dead.

      Wait, lemme guess - you submitted the story, and are now all irritated that you haven't gotten your karma splash. You'd rather see the /. conspiracy theories start flying than wait to at least let the body get cold.

      I'd bet dollars to donuts that when something is known, you'll see it here.

    2. Re:what I want to know is by tomstdenis · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Because no "net pioneer" is 25 years old? I mean is any winsock hacker a pioneer?

      Seriously. Its sad to here someone killed themselves but it happens everyday. Not news and specially not /. news.

      Tom

      --
      Someday, I'll have a real sig.
    3. Re:what I want to know is by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      "Not news and specially not /. news."

      And a stapler is?? This guy is a huge reason why modern peer to peer ever took off.

      You sir are an idiot. Seriously.

    4. Re:what I want to know is by fasteddie203 · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      The article on Wired *is* titled: Quiet, Sad Death of Net Pioneer
      Can't we just keep it at that?

    5. Re:what I want to know is by josh+crawley · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      If I was everybody else,I'd stay away from threads like this. I assume that the editors feel insulted when you call "news" before they are ready to (ahem) report on it. Threads like these are great attractors for -1 Offtopic hits. Considering, at this time, he has 10 points of moderation against him. It will be more.

      (Lauging) I guess that money all of us paid to /. SUUUURE didn't give us better editors.

    6. Re:what I want to know is by Glint · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      If slashdot didn't run crap articles every so often, you would have nowhere to post your rejected submissions without being marked "offtopic."

      Offtopic: "It has nothing to do with the topic at hand, but [my story]!"

      Interesting: "Why does slashdot run a story about a stapler but not [my story]!"

      So, stop bitching.

    7. Re:what I want to know is by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      Modern peer-to-peer took off because it became possible. Any 'individual' involved was just one of the jockeys on the horse.

    8. Re:what I want to know is by millette · · Score: 0, Offtopic
      Bet you're happy you can get your red stapler, now, are we?

      Please, inform us exactly how old one has to be? Say my dad suddenly picks up a cs book and starts programming all of a sudden. He's over 60, that certainly makes him a pioneer. No matter if he's rewritting visicalc or pacman, right? Wait a second! What if my dad came up with something completely new, say, a waglo. Now that's innovative. Can I call him a pioneer? What if it's not my dad, but my son that creates this new waglo? Oh, but he's only 10 years old, hardly a pioneer, oupsy.

    9. Re:what I want to know is by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      Moderation Totals: Offtopic=5, Insightful=4, Interesting=1, Informative=1, Overrated=1, Underrated=1, Total=13

      ...and counting. Not that anyone cares.

    10. Re:what I want to know is by eclectro · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Yes, I was really disappointed by /. also on this. I think mental health is an important topic and deserves discussion. I think it would have brought to light ways that we can help and encourage those around us who are suffering from deppression.

      But as it stands, it looks like a slashdot cover-up to avoid discussing the uncomfortable.

      --
      Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
    11. Re:what I want to know is by Tadghe · · Score: 2, Offtopic

      I submitted a story about this,but as usual...
      rejected in record time (2 minutes). Nice to know
      that staplers are more important than one of the
      best and brightest blowing his brains out at 25...
      but I digress......

      --
      Bugs Bunny was right.
  10. Why not? by Mulletproof · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    I won't pretend I read all of that, but if they can post stories on the little red stapler that could, you are well within your rights to paste a rant on the various cats of the world... Offtopic, but who cares! /. Obviously doesn't.

    --
    You need a FREE iPod Nano
  11. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Hollinger · · Score: 2, Offtopic

    The sad part is I know what this means. HP printers do that if you picked the wrong size paper when you printed, e.g. A4 when all the printer has is 8.5x11.

    --
    Michael C. Hollinger
  12. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by mansa · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    Yeah,

    I sumbitted this story as well, linked from C-net, which has a good write up of Gene's contributions. I though they would've posted somehting.

  13. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by /dev/trash · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    People die everyday. Those that commit suicide really shouldn't be held up as heroes.

  14. Who cares? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    Umm.. how the fuck does Gene Kan's death affect my life? Why would I care if he shot himself or someone else shot him? Sure justice glorified death whatever but thats not news at all. Besides famous people die all the time, what has Gene Kan done for me? If I can't recall him, he's probably not important.

  15. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    did he kill himself with a red stapler? if not, why are you whining on this thread?

  16. OT: Gene Kan by seanadams.com · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    Why is the world so hell-bent on covering up suicides, even to the point of ignoring potential suicides who are in dire need of help?

    Somebody told me that the Coast Guard logs more than thirty jumpers every year at the Golden Gate bridge. If the figure is even half as high as that, why do we never hear anything about it in the local news?

    In reading some of the stories about this and doing some googling, I noticed that Kan's existence hase been expunged from the two most trusted web archives, the Google cache and the Wayback machine. Why?

    Maybe I can answer my own question... I was in Portland Oregon recently, and as I was driving around the city I noticed at least a dozen billboards about depression and suicide. I've heard that Portland is the #2 city in the U.S. for suicides per capita, after Seattle. Must be the rain, I guess. Anyway, seeing all those billboards every day would actually be enough to actually drive someone *into* depression.

    It's damn spooky to think of how many people are out there just quietly being depressed.

    RIP Kan.

    1. Re:OT: Gene Kan by saviorsloth · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      his existence has been expurged? if you're referring to his webpage and, then perhaps it's out of respect for him.
      "Folks here at XCF who knew Gene thought that it would be better to make his home page non-public at least for now."

    2. Re:OT: Gene Kan by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      Why is the world so hell-bent on covering up suicides

      Anyway, seeing all those billboards every day would actually be enough to actually drive someone *into* depression.

      You answered your own question. When the media covers them, especially youth, you run the risk of quietly encouraging more. It's an unwritten rule, well respected, that the media doesn't cover them in that way. It's for the best.

    3. Re:OT: Gene Kan by nordicfrost · · Score: 0, Offtopic
      I don't know how the media ethic is in the US, but here in Scandinavia, a suicide is not reported by the media unless it is of grave importance for the public.

      A suicide is probably the worst way of leaving this world, from the perspective of your next of kin. The fact that your spouse or child considered this world so awful that he / she could not bear it is a devastating thought. Many of the families blame themselves.

      In the media, (Again; at least here) we have a special responsibility for observing that we follow the reasonable ethical guidelines. And one of the most important guideline is that innocent persons must be protected. If a person commits suicide, the remaining family should be left alone with their sorrow and not be hassled by the media. If the family wants to expose the problem, fine! Let's make a story and try to help this problem. But until that point, leave them alone.

      Examples from the real world: The son of former Norwegian prime minister Gro Harlem Bruntland commited suicide while she was in office. All the editors of the serious newspapers met and agreed that the death would be minimized in the papers, since it would not have an effect on the public. Only the sunday porn/ sports paper published the whole story in all its gory detail. If the prime minister was not capable of performing her task because of the incident, that would be another matter. But she was, and then she should be left alone.

      This easter, a woman went missing in Oslo. Everyone thought she was murdered of abducted for two weeks. Her body was found hangning in a forest, and the media stopped writing about the incident because it was a suicide. Now, you could argue that a murder should not be written about either, since it's a tragedy for the family. But that is another discussion.

  17. Re:Cultural Icon by SN74S181 · · Score: 1, Offtopic

    Mono-color means fewer varieties of items to stock. It means color coordination doesn't have to be a concern when outfitting a new cubicle. It saves money.

    Occam's Razor and all that.

  18. Re:what I want to know is [Offtopic abuse] by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    Keep modding it down as Offtopic, and I'll keep modding it up. C'mon, I've got 4 more points to burn.

    I'm sick to hell of Offtopic abuse.

  19. Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Mulletproof · · Score: 1, Offtopic

    2002-07-11 05:31:21 Mining the Moon for Helium-3 (articles,news) (rejected)

    Assuming we could pull together a coherent space program of the Apollo magnitude once again, Helium-3, a cleaner, safer, more stable isotope could be mined from the moon in abundance as an alternate nuclear fuel, according to this story from the Sydney Morning Herald. Also discussed: Lunar Tourism.

    You know the shit's deep when a story about red staplers gets posted while one discussing how Helium 3 can be mined from the moon is rejected. I'd laugh if it weren't so damn tragic. Take the Karma. Might as well use it for something.

    Articles rejected to date: 10/10

    --
    You need a FREE iPod Nano
    1. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by josh+crawley · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      I've had all of my stories turned down too. I could care less about the karma... Still that's what it's taken when yu complain about unpublished stories...

      1: Possible shenanigans at Amazon.com . Seems they registered 9-11.net and pointed it towards a search "september 11" at amazon.com (did 2, 1 anony/ 1 registered)
      2: Gene Kan, co-author to Gnutella protocol dies
      3: Congress OK's dumping of nuclear materials at Nevada.

      Those are recent stories... ALL rejected. And I'm at 50 karma.

      I could give a shit less about fucking staplers.

    2. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by CProgrammer98 · · Score: 1, Offtopic

      Yup I submitted about the Gnutella developer who shot himself - I felt sure that would make it - but no, red staplers are obviously far more important than a story about a young talanted open source developer killing himself...

      --
      And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour Isaiah 3:5
    3. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by datajosh · · Score: 0, Offtopic
      Well, I can tell you why #1 was rejected. Amazon didn't register the domain. People have been registering domains and pointing them to Amazon searches under their affiliate ID long before 9/11. This is hardly new and hardly worthy of Slashdot.

      Also, #3 has most likely been submitted by many others already and as for #2...
      <Triumph> I'm sorry, the correct answer is "Who gives a shit?" </Triumph>

      Now, if the Swingline site would just start working again so I can order a goddamn red stapler, I'd be happy.

    4. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by sluggie · · Score: 1, Offtopic

      time to burn my karma too...

      Just count the seconds until the great bitchslappin' script kicks in and blackholes the whole thread...

      thank you /.

    5. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      Amazon isn't the only target of various domain names.

      Try www.monstor.com (yes, two Os, no E at all) and watch what happens.

    6. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by mark_lybarger · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Gene Kan, co-author to Gnutella protocol dies

      looks like a self inflicted gun shot from what i read. he semeed to be doing nicely working for Sun too. some folks just don't get it.

    7. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by MicroBerto · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Is that really how he died? Because from what I read on the k5 discussion, the family did not want to discuss it.

      --
      Berto
    8. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      That's briliant!

    9. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      I'm sure families LOVE to talk about someone who killed themself. Get a grip dude. Have you ever had someone close to you kill themselves? It something that everyone is going to yap up at dinner or anytime. It's something that hurts people deeply and they want to put behind them. It's not exactly something you're going to be up and up to talk to every reporter and person in the world about.

    10. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Peyna · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      I assume they look for articles to generate good discussion. It would be a stretch for #2 to do so. We all know exactly how the discussion on #3 would turn out, and #1 is just sort of a fun fact of the day. I'm not going to turn in a story submission that googel.com points to google's english language only search am I? Because nobody cares! As far as #2, it is sad whenever somebody kills themself, but I was surprised he even made it on cnn. Maybe if Larry Wall shot himself/died someway we'd see it, but you have to pick and choose.

      --
      What?
    11. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      The person who died was Gene Kan. ( Story here) At first I thought he was talking about Steve of Nullsoft, the real developer, but no, different person.

    12. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by tps12 · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      * 2002-05-01 00:42:20 Public Schools Can Look at Girls' Underpants? (yro,privacy) (rejected)
      * 2002-05-20 11:57:54 Google to Get New Logo? (articles,internet) (rejected)
      * 2002-05-30 19:08:04 Kuro5hin is Down (askslashdot,links) (rejected)
      * 2002-05-30 20:10:11 Looks Like a DOS against K5! (articles,tech) (rejected)
      * 2002-06-28 12:52:40 Geeks Rejoice: Beards Back in Style! (articles,links) (rejected)

      --

      Karma: Good (despite my invention of the Karma: sig)
    13. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Spankophile · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      OMG.. that is the wittiest, most intelligent respose I've ever seen on /.

      And you get modded down...

      The red stapler thing is old news anyways.. I think it's time for something else to carry on the News for Nerds torch.

  20. Re:Rob is SO dead. by pimphandofgod · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    haha.
    hahahhahahaha.
    oh man. i have no idea what's goin on.
    -Towelie

  21. Josh for /. Editor! by Mulletproof · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    You've got my vote, man. Those posts are a damn sight better than a few I've seen.

    --
    You need a FREE iPod Nano
  22. Re:Josh for better, and open moderation by josh+crawley · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    What worries me about the amazon case is.... Why would a Texan register a domain 9-11.net , point it towards Amazon.com, and not request anything(ransom...).

    Seems to me there's a lot behind that story... SImple whois'ing the domains shows that. If it's that of revenge, what happened to Michael Beck......

    I'd be better than these clowns as an editor , but in no way better than most of the people at kuro5hin.org .

  23. Food for thought by keoghp · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    I have a friend who eats staplers. His doctor told him he needed a staple diet.

    Apparently the Pope does so too(has a Papal diet)

    --
    For problems, seek only the simplest solution, complexity brings with it more problems.
  24. Re:Cultural Icon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    That's discrimination. If you're such a nigger that you speak like you're from Compton then stay out of my neighborhood. Same thing. I fucking hate losers that pick on overweight people. The "average" person in this country IS overweight so why is that even considered overweight? Fucking lame ass little stick people that's why.

  25. Links on Gene Kan by Dragonshed · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    Here on cnn and on cnet
    -1:offtopic :p