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I Believe You Have My Stapler

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the chisel-point dept.

yack0 writes "After three years of demand and countless calls, emails and letters, you can finally buy a Red Swingline Stapler. Hooray! As noted in this wall street journal article and confirmed by this page at the Swingline Stapler web site you can now pick up a Red Swingline stapler for merely twice the price of a plain black stapler. However, a colleague of mine says that the online order form is reading around $16 for his right now. Now all the cubicle dwelling prairie dogs can get one step closer to burning down the building." The red stapler has become some sort of cult icon at this point.

548 comments

  1. i know where it is by TrollBurger · · Score: -1

    Nonono, the stapler is up your ass

    1. Re:i know where it is by Anal+Cocks · · Score: -1

      "Nonono, the stapler is up your ass"

      So that's why it's red.

      --

      Hey, kid... wanna touch my "kernel patch"?

      -- Alan Cox

  2. FP by Loman · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    F I R S T P O S T ! ! ! ! !

    1. Re:FP by TrollBurger · · Score: -1

      Eat shit- I beat you to the FP, monkey boy. Maybe instead, the stapler is up your ass?

    2. Re:FP by Fecal+Troll+Matter · · Score: -1

      One day soon, a CVS shopper may win $100,000!

  3. DOD version... by paiute · · Score: 5, Funny

    is black and shows up on radar smaller than a pelican. Only $56,000 each.

    --
    If Slashdot were chemistry it would look like this:Cadaverine
    1. Re:DOD version... by Geccoman · · Score: 1

      56k is the sale price. Wait till you see MSRP.

      --
      I'm on a chair.
    2. Re:DOD version... by Sexual+Asspussy · · Score: -1

      tonight was your first anal, wasn't it?

      everyone says the same thing the first time. you'll get used to it.

    3. Re:DOD version... by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1
      Christ, I love Greek! Women just don't seem to understand that a man can find just as much pleasure in the warm confines of a well-muscled ass as they can in the satin embrace of a well-wetted cunt. Maybe we men have conditioned them too well to ignoring one hole for the other: nonetheless, every man I've talked to about it loves Greek and every woman who I've talked to about it has been less than enthusiastic. So imagine my surprise last weekend when Kathleen treated me to the joys of anal sex in what must be the first time in five or six hours

      The night started our strangely. Kathleen had just finished re-arranging her large library of "Perl Programming for Dummies" books (too bad they weren't around when I was writing SLASH!) and was exhausted. As suits my biological clock, I was just coming awake at 10 PM when she was turning in. She invited me to bed and I politely declined: I was horny as usual and told her I'd keep her awake. (Besides, Hemos had invited me over for a suck-n-fuck). After a couple of more requests from her, I stripped and crawled in beside her. Kathleen loves to snuggle and wasted no time in curling her fat body up next to mine. I turned and kissed her buck teeth. She was oddly responsive for her tired state, and teased me with a hint of tongue in her kisses. I reached down to feel her muff and found it just beginnin' to revv as her right hand slipped down her belly to her clit.

      I took up what has become my customary position between her legs - kneeling and using my cock as a sex toy to tickle her lower labia and the entrance to her cunt. But this time I let my aim wander lower to the wonderful curve where ass, crotch, and leg meet. I rubbed my cock against this soft crescent and expanded the stroke to brush against the entrance to her ass. I noticed that every time that my prick touched her rosebud, her strokes on her clit quickened. It wasn't long before I was pressing the tip of my cock against her asshole.

      Surprise! My cock slipped easily into her ass until the entire head was buried inside, and just as I was about to pull out and apoligize, she handed me a bottle of sex lubricant and said "What the fuck? Why not?". I pulled back and poured the lubricant on my hard cock and noticed her pussy was swollen and very wet. I worked my cock back into her tight asshole. It was so easy. I could feel her ass muscles relaxing and opening for me. I eased ever so slowly deeper. Such heaven! Like a warm, wet hand gripping all around my prick - so much tighter than pussy, and delightful in an entirely different way. I could feel her hips grind against me as I worked the last of my seven-plus inches into her tight ass. Realizing where I was and how long it had been since I'd known this pleasure, I had to fight to pull the reigns in on my orgasm.

      It seemed like forever - my slow rocking pulling my cock almost full-length out of her ass before easing it back in until my balls rested against her firm buns. Her right hand furiously massaged her clit and her left hand played at the entrance of her cunt, pressing on the full length of her labia. And all the while my cock was enveloped in a firm net of gripping muscles that wrestled to bring the cum from me. "It's so weird," she said as she searched for the grip on her own orgasm. Suddenly, it was upon her. I felt her ass open up like a mouth that was just to blow up a ballon. "Are you close?" she hissed. "No," I grunted. She was close, tho'. Too close to stop. I felt her stiffen and lurch under me. "Uuhhhh! Come on you bastard! Fill my ass!" she yelled as she dug her nails into my back. Amazing what a little dirty talk will do - from that special nowhere where good men hide their orgasms until their lovers are ready, my load bolted from my crotch to my brain and back to my flushed balls. I gripped the pillow with my teeth and jerked my neck back and forth and tried not to deafen Kathleen when my cum blasted out of my cock like red ink from Va Software. The rush of jism racing up my tube seemed to last for stroke after stroke until sweaty Kathleen gasped, grunted, and pushed me from on top of her. Since I have a lot anal experience myself (You try living with Hemos for 3 years!), I knew the sudden discomfort of having something in your ass after you've orgasmed. I considerately slipped out of her despite not having finsihed my own orgasm to my complete satisfaction.

      I kissed her and thanked her for her special gift, but she pushed me away. "Go wash off and fuck my pussy," she said " I feel like something's undone." So after a quick and thourough shower, I returned to the futon where her dripping, swollen twat waited for my not-quite-recovered cock.

      And that's another story...

    4. Re:DOD version... by Bios_Hakr · · Score: 5, Funny

      Did you ever stop to wonder if a pelican (I think it's a sparrow in actuality) traveling at 700 miles/hour would tip off a radar operator? I'm no military genius, but I think small, 700mph birds are a sign that something is afoot.

      --
      I'd rather you do it wrong, than for me to have to do it at all.
    5. Re:DOD version... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      the government isnt so 'un-capable' and 'inefficient' that it buys 56,000 staplers. Those $56000 bs accounting entries are were they hide the black-ops.

    6. Re:DOD version... by Perl-Pusher · · Score: 1

      Using electronic countermeasures to obliterate the weak radar return from the aircraft, and shifting the signal by frequency, phase and time, the plane looks to the radar like it's going any speed they wish.

    7. Re:DOD version... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

      Do you think that if sparrows showed up on radar the operator would be able to see anything? Even small aircraft have tiny primary returns. Something with the radar crossection of a bird is for all intents and purposes invisible.

    8. Re:DOD version... by RocketRay · · Score: 1, Redundant

      Did you ever stop to wonder if a pelican (I think it's a sparrow in actuality) traveling at 700 miles/hour would tip off a radar operator? I'm no military genius, but I think small, 700mph birds are a sign that something is afoot.

      Again, people do not understand how RADAR works.

      RADAR does not track individual objects. It takes a "revolving snapshot" of reflected objects. You know that antenna that revolves in a circle? That's RADAR. RADAR operators use the equivalent of a squelch to clear up the picture. If they let everything in, they see planes, birds, rain, and clouds. In other words, it's useless. They filter out the clouds, rain, and birds until there's just non-stealthy planes. Planes like the B-2 and F-117A get filtered out with the birds, and then they drop their bombs successfully.

      Put it another way: turn on the weather report & look at the RADAR view. See all the green? That's where our stealth planes hide.

    9. Re:DOD version... by sugrshack · · Score: 4, Funny

      that depends.... is it an african pelican or a european pelican?

      --
      I can't believe it's not lard!
    10. Re:DOD version... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I didn't know I own a stealth plane.

    11. Re:DOD version... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Actually, there are many radars that *do* track individual targets...how do you think radar-guided surface to air missiles hit their target? Ever heard of target trackers?

    12. Re:DOD version... by Axe · · Score: 3, Informative
      Latest S300 radar sees f117 clear as day and b2 almost as well. It gets enough reflection off the turbulent air - and modern filtering algorithms are much smarter then analog cut-off used in earlier systems (like the ones Iraq and friends have deployed).

      And yeah - it's antenna does not revolve in a circle - it is a phased grid array. It does not have to move to scan target. It actually delays scanning, when it has aquired a target - a continues to beam in its direction for a while, it turns itself off in the direction of jamming bots.

      I do not think B-2 will try to drop anything over a modern S300 site.. Even some tactical systems can get it.

      --
      <^>_<(ô ô)>_<^>
    13. Re:DOD version... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      frequency is nearly synonymous with phase. radars have maximum unambiguous ranges, and a weak return results from a target being outside that range and isn't processed. you need to read up on radar use, signal processing, and alot of other things apparently. you are talking about velocity gate stealing, and it isn't done using the means you describe.

    14. Re:DOD version... by Fascist+Christ · · Score: 1

      700mph birds are a sign that something is afoot.

      On the contrary, I would say it's a sign that something is an aircraft. I have never seen a foot travel that speed.

      --
      TodayTM BillyJoelTM GoogleTMd for StitchTMes due to WindowsTM while RollerbladeTMing with an AppleTM and a PopsicleTM
    15. Re:DOD version... by phoenix123 · · Score: 0

      ok guy. this was *wrong*. it's a point on the radar screen. a small green glowing dot. (or something like that) that point is MOVING when the source of radar reflection is moving. you can do anything you want, IF the plane has a radar reflection that is even small but visible, you cannot hide the real speed of that thing. it may SEEM to move slowly, but simple maths will do it: radar contact X has moved in 10 seconds from point A to point B. and if A and B represent a real world distance of several kilometres, you KNOW this thing is NO bird.

      maybe the dot is too small to notice, or you cannot judge if you caught two birds, one at A and one 10 secs later at B or a stealth plane, but you definetly have some kind of clue, when you draw an imagined line from A to B and if in the next radar scanner sweep the "bird" shows up at a point C.
      and when the three sightings of a "bird" at points A, B and C are absolutely collinear points you can have a 90 percent confidence this thing has NO feathers of any kind. do this five or six radar sweeps in a row and you have points A,B,C,D,E,F and if these points trace like perfectly line or a lightly bend curve only a mach 2 airplane would fly as smaller aircrafts will take turns much quicker, you know its time to get up from your seat and grab your favorite anti-aircraft missile launcher and go outside...

      oh and by the way you could try to get EM-echoes of that "bird" from nearby broadcasting stations or mobile phone towers, these thousands of turrets make spotting those cool stealth planes extremely easy.

    16. Re:DOD version... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      so what you are saying is, the target tracker for the s300 finds its target then stares only in that azimuthal/height area. that's not news, it's what they are best at doing...

    17. Re:DOD version... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      you can't hide the real speed of an aircraft? the most common method of gauging speed is to use FMCW waveforms, and this involves a bit of processing in the receiver. all a target has to do is generate a false return FMCW with the original return, and the receiver either gets confused/can't process the return at all, or it indicates the wrong speed. that's basic jamming, man. velocity gate stealing. read up on it.

    18. Re:DOD version... by Axe · · Score: 2
      that's not news, it's what they are best at doing...

      No shit its not news. First iteration of its particular PGA radar was deployed about 20 years ago.

      The news are better digitacl filtering algorithms only recently developed in response to the "stealth" threat

      The future of beating the stealth technology is separating the transmitter and receiver. Stealth does not reflect directly back at you. It reflects all right to the side. Previously they could not recombine/sync the signals. Once its done - and the technology spreads wide enough - stealth will be useless strategically. It will still be useful tactically - against aircraft carried and small tactical systems. Limits the range, and in F22 and JSF it does not diminish other capabilities too much.

      It actually is useless stategically now. B52 performance in Afganistan shows they are more then sufficient - while nobody is planning bomb runs against Russia or anybody else, who can repeal B52s..

      --
      <^>_<(ô ô)>_<^>
    19. Re:DOD version... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      preaching to the choir, or in this case, analyst of said systems.

    20. Re:DOD version... by Penguinshit · · Score: 1

      "I'm no military genius, but I think small, 700mph birds are a sign that something is afoot." When birds get up to 700mph, they are actually then known as "B1RDs" and carry small biological-weapon payloads.

      --

      I have something in common with Stephen Hawking...

    21. Re:DOD version... by EvilAlien · · Score: 2

      Is said pelican/sparrow fired from an aircraft of some sort? Does anyone have specs on pelican propulsion systems to reach those speeds, and can you run a Beowulf cluster with them? The caffein has worn off, I'll post something intelligent tomorrow.

      --
      perl -e 'print $i=pack(c5, (41*2), sqrt(7056), (unpack(c,H)-2), oct(115), 10)'
    22. Re:DOD version... by klerck+II · · Score: -1, Troll

      Are you into guys? If so, maybe we can do something together.

      --
      Have you hugged your moderator today?
  4. My cube-mate had a case of Office Space by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yesterday he had 4 bosses/managers/etc come tell him the exact same thing --- that he didn't correctly stow away his oscilloscope in the proper location; but he didn't cause he wasn't finished working with it yet! Truly an Office Space moment.

    1. Re:My cube-mate had a case of Office Space by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1

      We had been seeing each other for a few weeks when he invited me to come and stay at his place for a few days. I had some time off from work, so I took him up on it. We didn't see each other often because of the distance between us, so this was a great opportunity to be together and get to know each other.

      I arrived at the airport and he was there waiting. We quickly got my luggage and went "home". The first night we made love the usual ways, sucking and fucking each other until we fell asleep. The next morning I awoke with him staring down at me as I slept. I knew that there was something going on behind that sheepish grin and it was shortly thereafter that I found out just what it was.

      After taking a shower, I came out of the bathroom wearing just a towel. He came over to me and pulled me close to him. His hands ran down my back and rested on my ass. "Tonight, I want to take you in there", he said. I had never had anal sex before and told him that. "I know," he said, "so I will have to prepare you to accept me." He took me into the bedroom and told me to bend over. He spread my cheeks and I could feel something entering my hole. It was, he explained, a butt plug and would help to loosen me for later. I was to wear it all day and only take it out to use the bathroom, after which I was to call him and he would put it back where it belonged. It felt strange at first. I wasn't used to having something back there. But, since I wanted to please him, I did not object.

      We spent the day doing normal type things, only every time I took a step I could feel the plug in my ass. Even at dinner, when I sat down, it was obviously there. When we returned home, he told me to undress and wait for him on the bed. I undressed and waited. He came in shortly and told me that our relationship was in trouble. He said that I was a spoiled brat (which is true) and that I needed some discipline.

      Before I knew what was happening he had turned me over his knee and was stroking my ass. "Now you will get what all spoiled brats deserve" he said. And with that, his large hand came down on my ass....

    2. Re:My cube-mate had a case of Office Space by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You must be in the Navy. That's a normal every day occurance for us.

  5. Ahhh office space, will you ever learn? by Timmeh · · Score: 5, Funny

    Slydell: So we just went a ahead and fixed the glitch.
    Lumbergh: Great.
    Portwood: So um, Milton has been let go?
    Slydell: Well just a second there, professor. We uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it will just work itself out naturally.
    Porter: We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem solved from your end.

    1. Re:Ahhh office space, will you ever learn? by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1

      Christ, I love Greek! Women just don't seem to understand that a
      man can find just as much pleasure in the warm confines of a
      well-muscled ass as they can in the satin embrace of a well-wetted
      cunt. Maybe we men have conditioned them too well to ignoring one
      hole for the other: nonetheless, every man I've talked to about it
      loves Greek and every woman who I've talked to about it has been
      less than enthusiastic. So imagine my surprise last weekend when
      Jenifer treated me to the joys of anal sex in what must be the
      first time in five or six years.

      The night started our strangely. Jenifer had just finished re-
      arranging her large library and was exhausted. As suits my
      biological clock, I was just coming awake at 10 PM when she was
      turning in. She invited me to bed and I politely declined: I was
      horny as usual and told her I'd keep her awake. After a couple of
      more requests from her, I stripped and crawled in beside her.
      Jenifer loves to snuggle and wasted no time in curling her small body
      up next to mine. I turned and kissed her. She was oddly
      responsive for her tired state, and teased me with a hint of
      tongue in her kisses. I reached down to feel her muff and found it
      just beginnin' to revv as her right hand slipped down her belly to
      her clit.

      I took up what has become my customary position between her legs -
      kneeling and using my cock as a sex toy to tickle her lower labia
      and the entrance to her cunt. But this time I let my aim wander
      lower to the wonderful curve where ass, crotch, and leg meet. I
      rubbed my cock against this soft crescent and expanded the stroke
      to brush against the entrance to her ass. I noticed that every
      time that my prick touched her rosebud, her strokes on her clit
      quickened. It wasn't long before I was pressing the tip of my cock
      against her asshole.

      Surprise! My cock slipped easily into her ass until the entire
      head was buried inside, and just as I was about to pull out and
      apoligize, she handed me a bottle of sex lubricant and said "What
      the fuck? Why not?". I pulled back and poured the lubricant on
      my hard cock and noticed her pussy was swollen and very wet. I
      worked my cock back into her tight asshole. It was so easy. I
      could feel her ass muscles relaxing and opening for me. I eased
      ever so slowly deeper. Such heaven! Like a warm, wet hand
      gripping all around my prick - so much tighter than pussy, and
      delightful in an entirely different way. I could feel her hips
      grind against me as I worked the last of my seven-plus inches into
      her tight ass. Realizing where I was and how long it had been
      since I'd known this pleasure, I had to fight to pull the reigns in
      on my orgasm.

      It seemed like forever - my slow rocking pulling my cock almost
      full-length out of her ass before easing it back in until my balls
      rested against her firm buns. Her right hand furiously massaged
      her clit and her left hand played at the entrance of her cunt,
      pressing on the full length of her labia. And all the while my
      cock was enveloped in a firm net of gripping muscles that wrestled
      to bring the cum from me. "It's so weird," she said as she
      searched for the grip on her own orgasm. Suddenly, it was upon
      her. I felt her ass open up like a mouth that was just to blow up
      a ballon. "Are you close?" she hissed. "No," I grunted.
      She was close, tho'. Too close to stop. I felt her stiffen and
      lurch under me. "Uuhhhh! Come on you bastard! Fill my ass!" she
      yelled as she dug her nails into my back. Amazing what a little
      dirty talk will do - from that special nowhere where good men hide
      their orgasms until their lovers are ready, my load bolted from my
      crotch to my brain and back to my flushed balls. I gripped the
      pillow with my teeth and jerked my neck back and forth
      and tried not to deafen Jenifer when my cum blasted out of my cock
      like water from a firehose. The rush of jism racing up my tube
      seemed to last for stroke after stroke until sweaty Jenifer
      gasped, grunted, and pushed me from on top of her. Since I have a
      little anal experience myself, I knew the sudden discomfort of
      having something in your ass after you've orgasmed. I
      considerately slipped out of her despite not having finsihed my own
      orgasm to my complete satisfaction.

      I kissed her and thanked her for her special gift, but she pushed
      me away. "Go wash off and fuck my pussy," she said " I feel like
      something's undone." So after a quick and thourough shower, I
      returned to the futon where her dripping, swollen twat waited for
      my not-quite-recovered cock.

      And that's another story...

    2. Re:Ahhh office space, will you ever learn? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      i don't get it.

    3. Re:Ahhh office space, will you ever learn? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I think he meant 'orifice'.

    4. Re:Ahhh office space, will you ever learn? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      i don't get it either

  6. greek to me! by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1

    Christ, I love Greek! Women just don't seem to understand that a
    man can find just as much pleasure in the warm confines of a
    well-muscled ass as they can in the satin embrace of a well-wetted
    cunt. Maybe we men have conditioned them too well to ignoring one
    hole for the other: nonetheless, every man I've talked to about it
    loves Greek and every woman who I've talked to about it has been
    less than enthusiastic. So imagine my surprise last weekend when
    Jenifer treated me to the joys of anal sex in what must be the
    first time in five or six years.

    The night started our strangely. Jenifer had just finished re-
    arranging her large library and was exhausted. As suits my
    biological clock, I was just coming awake at 10 PM when she was
    turning in. She invited me to bed and I politely declined: I was
    horny as usual and told her I'd keep her awake. After a couple of
    more requests from her, I stripped and crawled in beside her.
    Jenifer loves to snuggle and wasted no time in curling her small body
    up next to mine. I turned and kissed her. She was oddly
    responsive for her tired state, and teased me with a hint of
    tongue in her kisses. I reached down to feel her muff and found it
    just beginnin' to revv as her right hand slipped down her belly to
    her clit.

    I took up what has become my customary position between her legs -
    kneeling and using my cock as a sex toy to tickle her lower labia
    and the entrance to her cunt. But this time I let my aim wander
    lower to the wonderful curve where ass, crotch, and leg meet. I
    rubbed my cock against this soft crescent and expanded the stroke
    to brush against the entrance to her ass. I noticed that every
    time that my prick touched her rosebud, her strokes on her clit
    quickened. It wasn't long before I was pressing the tip of my cock
    against her asshole.

    Surprise! My cock slipped easily into her ass until the entire
    head was buried inside, and just as I was about to pull out and
    apoligize, she handed me a bottle of sex lubricant and said "What
    the fuck? Why not?". I pulled back and poured the lubricant on
    my hard cock and noticed her pussy was swollen and very wet. I
    worked my cock back into her tight asshole. It was so easy. I
    could feel her ass muscles relaxing and opening for me. I eased
    ever so slowly deeper. Such heaven! Like a warm, wet hand
    gripping all around my prick - so much tighter than pussy, and
    delightful in an entirely different way. I could feel her hips
    grind against me as I worked the last of my seven-plus inches into
    her tight ass. Realizing where I was and how long it had been
    since I'd known this pleasure, I had to fight to pull the reigns in
    on my orgasm.

    It seemed like forever - my slow rocking pulling my cock almost
    full-length out of her ass before easing it back in until my balls
    rested against her firm buns. Her right hand furiously massaged
    her clit and her left hand played at the entrance of her cunt,
    pressing on the full length of her labia. And all the while my
    cock was enveloped in a firm net of gripping muscles that wrestled
    to bring the cum from me. "It's so weird," she said as she
    searched for the grip on her own orgasm. Suddenly, it was upon
    her. I felt her ass open up like a mouth that was just to blow up
    a ballon. "Are you close?" she hissed. "No," I grunted.
    She was close, tho'. Too close to stop. I felt her stiffen and
    lurch under me. "Uuhhhh! Come on you bastard! Fill my ass!" she
    yelled as she dug her nails into my back. Amazing what a little
    dirty talk will do - from that special nowhere where good men hide
    their orgasms until their lovers are ready, my load bolted from my
    crotch to my brain and back to my flushed balls. I gripped the
    pillow with my teeth and jerked my neck back and forth
    and tried not to deafen Jenifer when my cum blasted out of my cock
    like water from a firehose. The rush of jism racing up my tube
    seemed to last for stroke after stroke until sweaty Jenifer
    gasped, grunted, and pushed me from on top of her. Since I have a
    little anal experience myself, I knew the sudden discomfort of
    having something in your ass after you've orgasmed. I
    considerately slipped out of her despite not having finsihed my own
    orgasm to my complete satisfaction.

    I kissed her and thanked her for her special gift, but she pushed
    me away. "Go wash off and fuck my pussy," she said " I feel like
    something's undone." So after a quick and thourough shower, I
    returned to the futon where her dripping, swollen twat waited for
    my not-quite-recovered cock.

    And that's another story...

  7. SP by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    second post

  8. 3 posts.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    ...and the store's page is slashdotted.... and google hadn't cached it yet! ahhhh!

    1. Re:3 posts.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I think it's been Wall Street Journaled

  9. what the hell? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    AM I the only one baffled by this pointless story? What the hell does a red stapler have to do with anything?

    1. Re:what the hell? by WickedChicken · · Score: 1

      Watch office space, a cult movie. Now you know what people mean by "office spacing" something they hate.

      --
      "It's even worse if you're locked into a proprietary operating system." -http://www.wehavethewayout.com/scale.asp?rew=0
    2. Re:what the hell? by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1

      Christ, I love Greek! Women just don't seem to understand that a
      man can find just as much pleasure in the warm confines of a
      well-muscled ass as they can in the satin embrace of a well-wetted
      cunt. Maybe we men have conditioned them too well to ignoring one
      hole for the other: nonetheless, every man I've talked to about it
      loves Greek and every woman who I've talked to about it has been
      less than enthusiastic. So imagine my surprise last weekend when
      Jenifer treated me to the joys of anal sex in what must be the
      first time in five or six years.

      The night started our strangely. Jenifer had just finished re-
      arranging her large library and was exhausted. As suits my
      biological clock, I was just coming awake at 10 PM when she was
      turning in. She invited me to bed and I politely declined: I was
      horny as usual and told her I'd keep her awake. After a couple of
      more requests from her, I stripped and crawled in beside her.
      Jenifer loves to snuggle and wasted no time in curling her small body
      up next to mine. I turned and kissed her. She was oddly
      responsive for her tired state, and teased me with a hint of
      tongue in her kisses. I reached down to feel her muff and found it
      just beginnin' to revv as her right hand slipped down her belly to
      her clit.

      I took up what has become my customary position between her legs -
      kneeling and using my cock as a sex toy to tickle her lower labia
      and the entrance to her cunt. But this time I let my aim wander
      lower to the wonderful curve where ass, crotch, and leg meet. I
      rubbed my cock against this soft crescent and expanded the stroke
      to brush against the entrance to her ass. I noticed that every
      time that my prick touched her rosebud, her strokes on her clit
      quickened. It wasn't long before I was pressing the tip of my cock
      against her asshole.

      Surprise! My cock slipped easily into her ass until the entire
      head was buried inside, and just as I was about to pull out and
      apoligize, she handed me a bottle of sex lubricant and said "What
      the fuck? Why not?". I pulled back and poured the lubricant on
      my hard cock and noticed her pussy was swollen and very wet. I
      worked my cock back into her tight asshole. It was so easy. I
      could feel her ass muscles relaxing and opening for me. I eased
      ever so slowly deeper. Such heaven! Like a warm, wet hand
      gripping all around my prick - so much tighter than pussy, and
      delightful in an entirely different way. I could feel her hips
      grind against me as I worked the last of my seven-plus inches into
      her tight ass. Realizing where I was and how long it had been
      since I'd known this pleasure, I had to fight to pull the reigns in
      on my orgasm.

      It seemed like forever - my slow rocking pulling my cock almost
      full-length out of her ass before easing it back in until my balls
      rested against her firm buns. Her right hand furiously massaged
      her clit and her left hand played at the entrance of her cunt,
      pressing on the full length of her labia. And all the while my
      cock was enveloped in a firm net of gripping muscles that wrestled
      to bring the cum from me. "It's so weird," she said as she
      searched for the grip on her own orgasm. Suddenly, it was upon
      her. I felt her ass open up like a mouth that was just to blow up
      a ballon. "Are you close?" she hissed. "No," I grunted.
      She was close, tho'. Too close to stop. I felt her stiffen and
      lurch under me. "Uuhhhh! Come on you bastard! Fill my ass!" she
      yelled as she dug her nails into my back. Amazing what a little
      dirty talk will do - from that special nowhere where good men hide
      their orgasms until their lovers are ready, my load bolted from my
      crotch to my brain and back to my flushed balls. I gripped the
      pillow with my teeth and jerked my neck back and forth
      and tried not to deafen Jenifer when my cum blasted out of my cock
      like water from a firehose. The rush of jism racing up my tube
      seemed to last for stroke after stroke until sweaty Jenifer
      gasped, grunted, and pushed me from on top of her. Since I have a
      little anal experience myself, I knew the sudden discomfort of
      having something in your ass after you've orgasmed. I
      considerately slipped out of her despite not having finsihed my own
      orgasm to my complete satisfaction.

      I kissed her and thanked her for her special gift, but she pushed
      me away. "Go wash off and fuck my pussy," she said " I feel like
      something's undone." So after a quick and thourough shower, I
      returned to the futon where her dripping, swollen twat waited for
      my not-quite-recovered cock.

      And that's another story...

    3. Re:what the hell? by Oculus+Habent · · Score: 1

      I believe you have my stapler.

      Umm, yeahhhhhh...

      --
      That what was all this school was for... to teach us how to solve our own problems. -- janeowit
    4. Re:what the hell? by zzendpad · · Score: 1

      Other people use this phrase in this context! Excellent.

  10. I just wanted to... by Squeezer · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    get in on the comments before the million office space movie quotes :)

    --
    Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
  11. Watch movie while working by acasto · · Score: 1

    The fun thing to do, is watch the movie, while you are working. But I must not, it dose not help productivity!!!

    1. Re:Watch movie while working by Jeffv323 · · Score: 1

      But I must not, it dose not help productivity!!!

      Or spelling for that matter...

      --
      I'm a minister!
    2. Re:Watch movie while working by celerityfm · · Score: 1

      The more productive we are at work, the better the economy gets. Keep this mind and your friends might just keep their jobs. :)

      --
      ...unfortunately no one can be told what The Mat^H^H^HGoatse is...they must experience it for themselves...
  12. Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger by TrollBurger · · Score: -1
    I had visions, I was in them
    I was looking into the mirror
    To see a little bit clearer
    Rottenness and evil in me

    Fingertips have memories
    Mine can't forget the curves of your body
    And when i feel a bit naughty
    I run it up the flagpole and see who salutes
    (but no one ever does)

    I'm not sick but i'm not well
    And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell

    Been around the world and found
    That only stupid people are breeding
    The cretins cloning and feeding
    And I don't even own a tv

    Put me in the hospital for nerves
    And then they had to commit me
    You told them all i was crazy
    They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee, god damn you

    I'm not sick but I'm not well
    And I'm so hot cause i'm in hell
    I'm not sick but I'm not well
    And it's a sin to live so well

    I wanna publish zines
    And rage against machines
    I wanna pierce my tongue
    It doesn't hurt, it feels fine
    The trivial sublime
    I'd like to turn off time
    And kill my mind
    You kill my mind

    Paranoia paranoia
    Everybody's coming to get me
    Just say you never met me
    I'm going underground with the moles
    Hear the voices in my head
    I swear to god it sounds like they're snoring
    But if you're bored then you're boring
    The agony and the irony, they're killing me

    I'm not sick but I'm not well
    And I'm so hot cause i'm in hell
    I'm not sick but I'm not well
    And it's a sin to live so well

    My first lyrics post. I hope you dont use linux.

    1. Re:Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger by govtcheez · · Score: -1

      Good lyrics choice... Let's make this a one hit wonder day!

  13. AC goin karma whore! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    the stapler link is slashdotted, and has nothing in the google cache.

    the wall st article is from a server that can handle a slashdotting.

    the cult page? http://216.239.51.100/search?q=cache:ma3R53JMmfEC: www.virtualstapler.com/office_space/+&hl=en&ie=UTF -8

    1. Re:AC goin karma whore! by blitziod · · Score: 1

      did you see the staple less stapler? Cool huh. I wonder hwo well it works. http://www.calcampus.com/stapler/history.htm is another GREAT stapler site.

      --
      The only way to bust a doper--is when you yourself become a smoker!
  14. I want a sledge hammer by Snowbeam · · Score: 1, Offtopic

    I have a ton of machines to beat the living daylight out of. I also have my Office Space Soundtrack to play along to them. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta....

    --
    I am Lord Snowbeam. Heed my call!
    1. Re:I want a sledge hammer by scott1853 · · Score: 2

      I got an old HP Laserjet II you can take out to a field if you want. Although you'd probably be too tired to beat the crap out of it after having to lift it out of the trunk of your car.

    2. Re:I want a sledge hammer by Verizon+Guy · · Score: 1

      I like to sing along to Scarface's "No Tears" on my drive to work a la Michael Bolton...

      I've got my pistol point cocked
      Ready to lay shots nonstop until I see your monkey ass drop
      And let your homies know who done it
      Cause when it comes to this gangsta shit you motherfuckers know who run it
      So when you put this motherfucker to the test
      You gotta realize somethin' nigga: you fuckin' with the very best

      I got this killa up inside of me
      I can't talk to my mother so I talk to my diary
      I'm goin' off on the deep end
      I found myself face to face with myself while I'm sleepin'

      --

      Aw, fuck it. Let's go bowling. - The Big Lebowski

    3. Re:I want a sledge hammer by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1

      Christ, I love Greek! Women just don't seem to understand that a
      man can find just as much pleasure in the warm confines of a
      well-muscled ass as they can in the satin embrace of a well-wetted
      cunt. Maybe we men have conditioned them too well to ignoring one
      hole for the other: nonetheless, every man I've talked to about it
      loves Greek and every woman who I've talked to about it has been
      less than enthusiastic. So imagine my surprise last weekend when
      Jenifer treated me to the joys of anal sex in what must be the
      first time in five or six years.

      The night started our strangely. Jenifer had just finished re-
      arranging her large library and was exhausted. As suits my
      biological clock, I was just coming awake at 10 PM when she was
      turning in. She invited me to bed and I politely declined: I was
      horny as usual and told her I'd keep her awake. After a couple of
      more requests from her, I stripped and crawled in beside her.
      Jenifer loves to snuggle and wasted no time in curling her small body
      up next to mine. I turned and kissed her. She was oddly
      responsive for her tired state, and teased me with a hint of
      tongue in her kisses. I reached down to feel her muff and found it
      just beginnin' to revv as her right hand slipped down her belly to
      her clit.

      I took up what has become my customary position between her legs -
      kneeling and using my cock as a sex toy to tickle her lower labia
      and the entrance to her cunt. But this time I let my aim wander
      lower to the wonderful curve where ass, crotch, and leg meet. I
      rubbed my cock against this soft crescent and expanded the stroke
      to brush against the entrance to her ass. I noticed that every
      time that my prick touched her rosebud, her strokes on her clit
      quickened. It wasn't long before I was pressing the tip of my cock
      against her asshole.

      Surprise! My cock slipped easily into her ass until the entire
      head was buried inside, and just as I was about to pull out and
      apoligize, she handed me a bottle of sex lubricant and said "What
      the fuck? Why not?". I pulled back and poured the lubricant on
      my hard cock and noticed her pussy was swollen and very wet. I
      worked my cock back into her tight asshole. It was so easy. I
      could feel her ass muscles relaxing and opening for me. I eased
      ever so slowly deeper. Such heaven! Like a warm, wet hand
      gripping all around my prick - so much tighter than pussy, and
      delightful in an entirely different way. I could feel her hips
      grind against me as I worked the last of my seven-plus inches into
      her tight ass. Realizing where I was and how long it had been
      since I'd known this pleasure, I had to fight to pull the reigns in
      on my orgasm.

      It seemed like forever - my slow rocking pulling my cock almost
      full-length out of her ass before easing it back in until my balls
      rested against her firm buns. Her right hand furiously massaged
      her clit and her left hand played at the entrance of her cunt,
      pressing on the full length of her labia. And all the while my
      cock was enveloped in a firm net of gripping muscles that wrestled
      to bring the cum from me. "It's so weird," she said as she
      searched for the grip on her own orgasm. Suddenly, it was upon
      her. I felt her ass open up like a mouth that was just to blow up
      a ballon. "Are you close?" she hissed. "No," I grunted.
      She was close, tho'. Too close to stop. I felt her stiffen and
      lurch under me. "Uuhhhh! Cum on you bastard! Fill my ass!" she
      yelled as she dug her nails into my back. Amazing what a little
      dirty talk will do - from that special nowhere where good men hide
      their orgasms until their lovers are ready, my load bolted from my
      crotch to my brain and back to my flushed balls. I gripped the
      pillow with my teeth and jerked my neck back and forth
      and tried not to deafen Jenifer when my cum blasted out of my cock
      like water from a firehose. The rush of jism racing up my tube
      seemed to last for stroke after stroke until sweaty Jenifer
      gasped, grunted, and pushed me from on top of her. Since I have a
      little anal experience myself, I knew the sudden discomfort of
      having something in your ass after you've orgasmed. I
      considerately slipped out of her despite not having finsihed my own
      orgasm to my complete satisfaction.

      I kissed her and thanked her for her special gift, but she pushed
      me away. "Go wash off and fuck my pussy," she said " I feel like
      something's undone." So after a quick and thourough shower, I
      returned to the futon where her dripping, swollen twat waited for
      my not-quite-recovered cock.

      And that's another story...

    4. Re:I want a sledge hammer by ObviousGuy · · Score: 1

      If you liked that one, I recommend the Geto Boys "Resurrection". Very cool.

      --
      I have been pwned because my /. password was too easy to guess.
    5. Re:I want a sledge hammer by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Back up in your ass with the Resurrection
      It's the group harder than an erection
      And shows no affection
      They wanna ban us on Capitol Hill
      Cuz it's "Die muthafuckas, Die muthafuckas" still fool

    6. Re:I want a sledge hammer by loraksus · · Score: 2

      heh, you wouldn't be in portland oregon by any chance?
      waits for fucking
      lameness
      filter.
      Hoo Rah

      --
      1q2w3e4r5t6y7u8i9o0pqawsedrftgthyjukilo;p'azsxdcfv gbhnjmk,l.;/
    7. Re:I want a sledge hammer by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      How cliche.

    8. Re:I want a sledge hammer by Eil · · Score: 3, Interesting


      Speaking of killing hardware, my friend Jason and I make a nice hobby out of discussing various ways of destroying broken hardware and then making good on it.

      Thus far he's been the one to do all of the killing, but we plan to one day gather all of our various broken and/or useless stuff for a bit of mass-murder.

    9. Re:I want a sledge hammer by reezle · · Score: 1

      Yeah, I am... You can't have my 4MV, but I have a buddy who may still have 10-15 HP2's...

      I'm sure you can have however many you can carry

    10. Re:I want a sledge hammer by MADCOWbeserk · · Score: 1

      I got an old HP Laserjet II you can take out to a field if you want I have to say, that I like Laserjet II's better than any other other office machine. My old one is still chugging away at my father's office. I once saw one fall out of the back of a van onto concrete and still work, so beating one properpy will take a lot of work. Just like in Office Space, it is the fax machines that have driven me nuts in every office I ever worked at. I have also had some computers I would loved to gice a good beating.

      I ain't witty nough, to sig for ya.

    11. Re:I want a sledge hammer by rikkards · · Score: 1

      I have also had some computers I would loved to gice a good beating.

      Me too but mostly it was what was between the keyboard and chair that needed a beating to solve most problems.

    12. Re:I want a sledge hammer by scott1853 · · Score: 1

      New York. If you want you can just pay for shipping ;)

    13. Re:I want a sledge hammer by operagost · · Score: 1
      The venerable LaserJet Series II never did anything to warrant a violent death. Those things are from 12-15 years old and still kicking. I've seen some with nearly 200,000 pages on them (that's 40 CASES of paper) that just needed cleaning and a new pickup roller. They're easy to work on too, try replacing the fuser on some of the more recent models.

      I know what you mean about the weight... that steel chassis will sting your hands if you try to beat it with a bat I think. Probably turn it to splinters.

      --

      Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
    14. Re:I want a sledge hammer by TechnoVooDooDaddy · · Score: 2

      a friend and I took a couple long colt 45s and an SKS with a 30 round clip to an old 286 with monitor...

      very satisfying...

    15. Re:I want a sledge hammer by loraksus · · Score: 1

      sweet. I'd love the II and whatever your friend wants to have someone cart away.

      --
      1q2w3e4r5t6y7u8i9o0pqawsedrftgthyjukilo;p'azsxdcfv gbhnjmk,l.;/
    16. Re:I want a sledge hammer by Squalish · · Score: 1

      Please, to all gun nuts out there, don't do this and leave it in the field. Cart it away to someplace not affected by the watershed. I'm not a tree-hugger, but monitors have something like 8 pounds of lead a piece for a 17". That's enough, properly dissolved, to poison all of the water consumed by Washington DC water supply in a day to federally unsafe levels.

      --
      People in Soviet Russia, however, appear to be afflicted with amusing juxtapositions of the aforementioned situation
  15. it's confirmed: the Internet is dying! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    Can't reach Canada.
    Internet Traffic Report pronounces the internet "dead"!

    1. Re:it's confirmed: the Internet is dying! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      No, Quebec has seceeded. They have the reseaux now, not the internet.

  16. Regurgitator - Social Disaster by TrollBurger · · Score: -1
    social disaster sad young bastard
    used to feel alone cos i didn't get plastered
    but i'm past it though i still ask it:
    how long is this shit going to last?

    it doesn't get me down like it used to
    cos now i'm used to
    hanging with a drugged crew
    a select fucked few
    that i speak shit to
    when i'm in the mood to
    mingle at the venue

    gotta get fucked up
    just to get the guts up
    reality shuts up
    now you can throw your butts up
    i'll be the poor straight fuck in the corner
    chewing on his tongue in the cigarette sauna

    nothing but a social disaster

    damn i feel i should be drinking
    this is not the place to be thinking
    i'm here for the music cos it sounds wicked
    lyric plus melody but i can't pick it

    ringing in the ear pain getting belligerent
    smelling like a beer stain smoking a cigarette
    having a good time is giving me illness
    think i'll head outside and soak up some stillness

    not that i'm jaded
    just unrelated to this inebriated
    ego inflated culture
    that you love don't ya?
    well don't ya? ha?

    i'm a tall poppy so you better lop me
    held me like a baby then go and drop me
    you say i sound like this i sound like that
    i sound like whoever at the drop of a hat

    i'm sorry i'm generic just grin and bear it
    spend it if you can spare it
    strap it on and wear it
    purchase a credo that doesn't have to last
    supplement your ego with this piece of plastic

    ethical crisis? here's good advice says:
    sell your sorry soul and get a nice price for it
    now that it's done let's have some fun
    that's the priority a number one

    a number one

    ALL MODERATORS SMOKE COCK. thankyou.

  17. excuse me... by edrugtrader · · Score: 5, Funny

    i was told i could first post between the hours of 7 and 8 pm... sharon posts while she files, so i don't see any reason why... i'll burn down the building.

    --
    MARIJUANA, SHROOMS, X: ONLINE?! - E
    1. Re:excuse me... by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1

      My wife, Debbie, is a very good card player. We've played strip
      poker more times than I can remember, and I can count the number
      of times I've won on one hand. When we play, the person with the
      winning hand gets to decide what item of clothing the other one
      will remove. The game continues until one person is nude. That
      person has to do whatever the winner dictates. It was a game of
      strip poker that opened the door to our first threesome. Deb and
      I had discussed the possibility of a threesome before, but the
      wheels had never gotten rolling until one afternoon when we
      invited our friend Dan over for a barbecue. Dan had always had
      the hots for Debbie, and we thought he would be perfect for our
      first threeway. At one point during the late afternoon, when
      Debbie was inside the house, I asked Dan point-blank if he'd like
      to fuck my wife. He was shocked at first, but then I explained
      how Debbie dreamed of having a cock up her pussy and ass at the
      same time, and that he was the only guy she'd consider doing it
      with. The smile on his face spoke volumes. Debbie got things
      moving by suggesting we play a "friendly" game of strip poker.
      The game started, and before long Dan and I were practically naked
      while Debbie had lost only her blouse and bra. But after a few
      more hands, Debbie was down to one shoe and one sock while Dan and
      I were stark naked. Debbie has a terrific body which explains why
      Dan and I were sporting hard-ons. Dan and I sat there eagerly
      anticipating what Debbie would ask us to do. She told us to stand
      up, put our hands behind our heads and face each other. I'd never
      had a hard-on in front of another man before, so this was a new
      experience for me. Then Debbie had us walk forward until our
      cocks touched, and she told us to make sure they remained
      touching. Feeling my cock pressed against Dan's was turning me on
      more than I would have ever imagined. So when Debbie came over
      to us, dropped to her knees and began sucking our cocks in turn, I
      almost lost it right there. There is nothing like seeing your
      friend's cock in your wife's mouth, especially when she gives a
      blowjob as voraciously as Debbie does. She slurped on Dan's cock
      like there was no tomorrow, taking him deep into her mouth and
      then sliding him out, swirling her tongue all around his thick
      shaft. Then she repeated this action on me until I was begging
      her to let me come. But that was when Debbie said it was time for
      the main event. She ordered Dan to lie down on the couch, then
      she straddled him and began to lower herself onto his fleshy pole.
      When she was fully impaled on him, she began to post slowly up and
      down, groaning with pleasure all the while. Dan had his hands on
      Debbie's ass and was pulling her down hard on each downstroke,
      trying to bury himself deeper inside her. It was time for me to
      get in on the action, so I greased up my cock with lubricant, then
      moved in behind my wife and smeared some KY jelly all over her
      asshole. When Debbie felt my fingers back there she began to
      whimper with need, begging me to shove my cock into her rear
      passage. I straddled Dan's legs and moved in behind Debbie,
      lining my cock up with her beckoning rosebud. As she leaned
      forward to accommodate me, the head of my cock easily popped into
      her curvy ass. Debbie grunted with the new sensation, and I let
      her get used to it for a moment before sliding my cock the rest of
      the way inside her. The feeling was absolutely incredible. I
      could feel Dan's cock thrusting in and out of my wife, rubbing
      against my own cock through the thin membrane separating her pussy
      from her rectum. In no time, my wife was grunting and groaning
      like a wild woman. I slipped my hand between her and Dan and put
      a finger on her clitoris, rubbing it quickly in tiny circles.
      This pushed her over the edge, and she had what appeared to be one
      of the most intense orgasms of her life. I held still, savoring
      the feel of the muscles of her asshole contracting around my
      ensconced cock. This sent me spiraling into an incredible climax,
      and I began to come, shooting my seed deep into my wife's ass.
      Dan must have felt my pulsing cock, for seconds later he started
      to come. I felt his cock jerking as he filled my wife's cunt with
      a full load of hot semen. I pulled out of Debbie's ass and helped
      her off Dan's turgid cock. I asked her how it had felt, and she
      said that being plugged in both holes was absolutely amazing.
      That's when Dan put his two cents in, offering his services again
      anytime we desired. Debbie was all for it, though she also said
      that she might like our next threesome to be with a woman. I sure
      wish I were a better card player but I'm confident that Debbie,
      with her vivid imagination, will make things quite interesting for
      all parties.

    2. Re:excuse me... by r33per · · Score: 1

      Em... Yeah... I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree with you there... Yeah... Stu

    3. Re:excuse me... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Why The Fuck Are You Posting This Here?

    4. Re:excuse me... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You're an idiot; it's from Office Space, jackass.

  18. I, I, I, I.... by Geekboy(Wizard) · · Score: 1

    I used to sit by the window, and there were these squirrels, and they were married.

    1. Re:I, I, I, I.... by TheWickedKingJeremy · · Score: 1

      I used to sit by the window, and there were these squirrels, and they were married.

      Im going to go out on a limb here - I think he said the squirrels were "merry" ... "merry" ... you know, with an "erry"

      --

      my religion lies somewhere between buddhism and super monkey ball - pamphlet?
    2. Re:I, I, I, I.... by acoustix · · Score: 2

      you would be very correct!

      --
      "A plan fiendishly clever in its intricacies"- Homer Simpson
    3. Re:I, I, I, I.... by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1
      We first met, of all places, in a taco place. Only a block from the university, the place was packed to the rafters with college students there for the cheap tacos and draft beer they served. I saw her walk in, her short, trim body and long light brown hair catching my eye immediately. I admired her legs, shown off by a brief miniskirt, and the firm roundness of her ass as she walked to the counter and placed her order, before returning my attention to my tacos and beer.

      The next time I noticed her, she was standing in the aisle, tray in hand, looking for a place to sit. It seemed that every table in the place was occupied. I was nearly through anyway, so, expecting her to say no, I invited her to join me at my table.

      My reward was a radiant smile as she sat across from me in the tiny booth. We introduced ourselves, and made small talk while we ate. Like me, she was a college student, and, though our majors were worlds apart, we found campus news to talk about. We were soon joking like two old friends and drinking another beer.

      The talk turned to dating, men, women, sex, parties, all the important things to college students, and the beer flowed freely. Then I stopped a joke in mid-sentence as she caught me totally off guard. A sudden sensation of pleasure made me look down to see her shapely, stocking-clad foot massaging the growing bulge in my pants. "Want to take a drive?" she asked. We left, getting into her shiny new sports car. She explained that it had been an early graduation present from her folks as she shifted smoothly through the gears. With each action of her foot on the clutch, her miniskirt rose higher and higher up her thigh, until I could clearly see the tops of her stockings and a hint of blue lace garters. Her blouse drooped open slightly between the buttons, just enough that I could tell that her bra matched the garters.

      I casually let a hand rest on her shapely thigh, just to see her reaction. To my surprise, she placed her hand on mine, drawing it slowly higher and higher up her leg, until it was high enough that it was obvious she wore no panties. Her pubic hair was long, thick and soft, and my probing fingers soon discovered that her lips were swollen and wet. She moaned softly and licked her lips as my fingers found her clit, and she downshifted, turning into a park that runs along the river.

      She pulled the car up under a railroad bridge that offered a little shade and blocked the view of her car from the road. After stopping the engine and adjusting the radio, she turned to me and we kissed, a long, wet, delicious kiss, my fingers still massaging her clit while she raked her long fingernails gently against the hard bulge in my pants.

      We finally broke the kiss, and she leaned back in her seat. Her eyes never left mine as she slowly, oh, so slowly, unbuttoned her silk blouse. Finally, she pulled it open, and I saw for the first time her gorgeous breasts, encased in a filmy blue bra. A tiny tatoo of a rose adorned the top of her left breast above the bra, and my lips found that spot, kissing and licking, as her nipples grew stiff in my palm. I pulled the bra out of the way, with her helping, and took her nipple into my mouth, sucking and gently rasping my teeth against it. She moaned, gasped, and arched her hips, pressing her perfect tit into my mouth. Suddenly, she pushed me away, pushing me back in my seat, and started to undo my jeans. I tried to help, but she just pushed my hands away, telling me with her eyes to let her do it.

      I raised my hips slightly to let her slide my jeans down past my knees, and she seemed amused at my lack of underwear. Leaning forward, her long, soft hair caressed my cock and balls for a moment, then I gasped as she slowly sucked the entire length of my raging hard-on, so gently she was barely touching it, until her nose was right up against my balls. She applied a little more pressure as she slowly slid her lips back up the length, then inhaled me again, moving onto her knees in her seat to get more comfortable. Over and over with maddening slowness her mouth travelled the length of my cock while my hand caressed her ass and pussy lips.

      She hit the lever for my seat, and I reclined fully. Soon her knees were on the headrest on either side of my head, and I was enjoying the taste and smell of her pussy as she continued to suck my swollen cock. She was as turned on as I was, I guess, because in minutes she was shuddering with orgasm, gasping and moaning around my cock while she ground her pussy into my mouth.

      She moved again, straddling me, and guided my stiff dick into her pussy. She was so tight! It was like fucking a virgin as she slid up and down on my rod. As we got closer and closer to cumming, she began to rock her hips, grinding our pubic bones together while she massaged my rock-hard cock with her incredible muscle control. Her orgasms were like a string of little firecrackers going off, each one a little bigger and a little stronger. Finally I could stand no more, and I grabbed her by the hips, arching up into her, and with a loud groan, I exploded. Her eyes fluttered shut and she came violently as my hot seed splashed against her insides, and she collapsed on my chest, her spasming pussy milking the last drops of my cum from my wilting cock.

      I never saw her again after that day, but I'll always get hard thinking of her!

    4. Re:I, I, I, I.... by snilloc · · Score: 1

      I always thought it was "married". Does anybody have a reference for this? Maybe a confirmation with the Captioning on the DVD?

    5. Re:I, I, I, I.... by tangledweb · · Score: 2, Funny

      How about a bit of common sense?

      Ask yourself this, how many squirrel weddings have you been invited to?

      How likely is it that the squirrels in the movie were married?

    6. Re:I, I, I, I.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Maybe he thought they had to be married to be doing...what they were doing.

    7. Re:I, I, I, I.... by FLaSh+SWT · · Score: 0

      I always figured Milton was just a little "off" and deceided on his own that they must be married. Kinda like little kids do...

    8. Re:I, I, I, I.... by Xentax · · Score: 2

      Agreed...I always figured he said "they were married" as a Milton roundabout way of describing what he watched them do.

      Someone out there's gotta have a .wav of that particular line of the movie...

      Xentax

      --
      You shouldn't verb words.
    9. Re:I, I, I, I.... by TheWickedKingJeremy · · Score: 1

      This is turning out to be somewhat interesting... I google-searched for the quote, and found many fan-pages quoting it as "merry" and just as many others as "married." Also, I saw another instance of this exact same discussion on a different messageboard.

      I still stand by my original take on the matter - "merry" makes a lot more sense (though with Milton, I suppose anything is possible)

      --

      my religion lies somewhere between buddhism and super monkey ball - pamphlet?
    10. Re:I, I, I, I.... by snilloc · · Score: 2

      I know somebody on /. has the DVD. Will somebody please just put the closed captioning on and indulge us, please?

    11. Re:I, I, I, I.... by TheAngryArmadillo · · Score: 2, Informative

      /me pulls out DVD and turns on Closed Captioning...

      [00:18:35]
      Milton(on phone):'...and I could see the squirrels and they were married.'

      Straight from the source.

    12. Re:I, I, I, I.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      They were fighting all the time. Thus common sense dictates that they were married... not merry.

    13. Re:I, I, I, I.... by TheWickedKingJeremy · · Score: 1

      .Milton(on phone):'...and I could see the squirrels and they were married.

      boy is my face red! i stand corrected. thanks for the final clarification ;)

      --

      my religion lies somewhere between buddhism and super monkey ball - pamphlet?
  19. You leave me no choice by wcspxyx · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'll just post a link on /. and burn down your web server....

    --
    Sig? What sig? Do I have to have a sig!?!?
    1. Re:You leave me no choice by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1
      Man, just look at her. That's my sister in law, Carol. Does she know that I have wanted to suck her tits and slip my cock between her lips for all these years? Sometimes I think she knows; she is, of course, far too straight-laced to let it show, or EVER act upon any feelings (which are probably just in my head anyway). Does she know? Carol is about 45, about 13 years older than I am, but I have wanted to fuck her ever since I first saw her about 15 years ago. Sometimes, if I am at home alone when she happens to call looking for her sister, I will jerk off while I am talking to her! Can she hear my heaving breath when I cum? I have fantasies about going to her house, when her pathetic husband Jim is gone, (The stupid prick! Why does he deserve a woman like that?!) to drive her to a school function.

      Did I mention that Carol is a teacher? Yeah, physical education...she is in stunning shape. Anyway, when I reach her house the door is open and a note tells me that she will be ready as quickly as possible. As I enter the house I realize that her husband and kids are gone and she is in her bedroom, dressing. Did she know I would be alone? I can't help myself, as I creep down the hallway toward her bedroom, I can see her shadow on the wall and the outline of her breasts tells me that she isn't very far along in getting dressed. I summon all the courage I have and peek around the door frame and into her bedroom. She is facing away from the door, completely naked! She is just beginning to put on her sheer black hose...they only come up to her thigh...God! I love that! Soon, she has both her luscious legs half covered in the silky black nylons, but she continues to look at the opposite side of the room. Did she know I was there? Then, suddenly... "Are you just going to stare at my ass, or are you going to get over here and fuck it?" YES!!

      I practically ran across the room to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, but it was fleeting contact; she turned to face me quickly and slide down to sit on the edge of her bed, her legs spread wide as she pulled me toward her and began unzipping my pants. I couldn't wait for her to get to my cock, so I grabbed by pants and jerked them down past my hips so quickly that my cock bounced against her face and swayed in front of her wet, soft lips. She didn't waste any time sucking my rod deep into her throat and I almost came on the spot! I could not believe that Carol was sucking my cock! There was no teasing... just hard head bobbing and I wasn't going to last long! She popped my cock out of her mouth and said, "Jim..." (suck, suck) "will be..." (suck, suck, suck)..."right back!" Then, she sped up the assault on my cock and I had every intention of blowing my load deep in her throat and on her face, before her husband came back!

      Then, she stopped sucking my cock as quickly as she had begun, turned away from me, onto the bed and pushed her ass up toward me. "Fuck my ass, now!" she hissed. How could I say no?? I slid my pants the rest of the way off and climbed up onto the bed and toward that puckered piece of heaven I knew was waiting for me. I could see that her ass was already smeared with lubricant. She knew this was going to happen! "Be gentle..." she whispered, "I have never done this." Wow! I was going to pop a virgin ass that just happened to belong to Carol, who I have been drooling over for years! My cock was touching her asshole, but I hadn't started applying any pressure (Carol was tense and I didn't want to hurt her) when, we suddenly heard her husband's truck coming into the driveway. Damn! I had to get out of her bedroom, quick! But, before I could back down off her bed, Carol slammed back against me and my cock slipped completely into her dark, hot tunnel! Carol screamed as my balls slammed against her pussy and my cock buried to the hilt in her ass. "Fuck it! Fuck my ass! Fuck my ass!" I rammed my cock into her ass, over and over until the tight dark hole won and I shot a hot load of cum deep into her bowels! Carol squeezed her ass hard to prevent my cock from sliding out, and grabbed my pants to keep me from backing away from her,but I had to get out of her bedroom quick! I ran back down the hallway, zipping my pants as I went, trying to get to the family room before Jim did, but as I passed a window that looks toward the family garage, I saw Jim in the garage. Did Carol know he wouldn't come right into the house?

    2. Re:You leave me no choice by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      LOL. Thanks for the laugh of the day.

  20. I believe by RTFA+Man · · Score: -1, Flamebait
    I just fucked your stepsister.

    That little whore knows how to suck a cock, Michael.

    1. Re:I believe by TrollBurger · · Score: -1
      You have to be careful in those situations RTFA Man. I sincerely hope you didnt just bludgeon the so called stepsister in the side of the face with a blunt object, and then start fucking the limp corpse. The problem with doing that is that sometimes (fairly often I'm told) michael prances around his house dressed head to toe in girls clothing. You might have unintentionally ass-aulted micheal by mistake. I hope you checked for two tits and a cunt before any penetration occured. The fact that you said 'That little whore knows how to suck a cock' implies that they were concious for at least a bit of the encounter. Fingers crossed you didnt get sucked off by michael.

      Unless of course, thats what you wanted (not implying anything of course). To each their own. See?

  21. Ahhh Office Space by Paul+E.+Loeb · · Score: 5, Funny

    I believe my favorite line would have to be:

    PC Load Letter! What the fuck does that mean!!

    1. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Hollinger · · Score: 2, Offtopic

      The sad part is I know what this means. HP printers do that if you picked the wrong size paper when you printed, e.g. A4 when all the printer has is 8.5x11.

      --
      Michael C. Hollinger
    2. Re:Ahhh Office Space by ealar+dlanvuli · · Score: 1

      I shall over geek my friends the next time we watch that movie.

      I thank you, oh holyness.

      --
      I live in a giant bucket.
    3. Re:Ahhh Office Space by praxim · · Score: 2, Funny

      Though it's not nearly as nerdy, I've always liked Samir's "I don't want to go to a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison! I don't want to go to any prison!" It's been the source of many a stupid inside joke.

    4. Re:Ahhh Office Space by MrDelSarto · · Score: 1

      PC stands for "Paper Cartridge", which on some HP printers were just that, like a big atari game full of paper you could slide in and out.

      It means load more paper of size letter into the paper cartridge.

    5. Re:Ahhh Office Space by SkulkCU · · Score: 3, Funny


      Nag.. eh... Nag... uh...
      Not gonna work here anymore, anyway.

      --
      .sig last updated Jan. 14, 2000
    6. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Bouncings · · Score: 5, Funny
      From Swingline.com:
      500 Internal Server Error

      /b2c/:

      null
      java.lang.NullPointerException
      at jrun__util__Errorpage2ejsp13._jspService(jrun__uti l__Errorpage2ejsp13.java:268)
      at allaire.jrun.jsp.HttpJSPServlet.service(HttpJSPSer vlet.java:40)
      at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
      (it goes on like this)

      In summary: INTERNAL SERVER ERROR, WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!?

      --
      -- Ken Kinder ken@_nospam_kenkinder.com http://kenkinder.com/
    7. Re:Ahhh Office Space by laserjet · · Score: 4, Informative

      You are slightly incorrect.

      You have it backwards.

      To be specific, it breaks down like this:

      PC (Paper Cassette) Load Letter (Size paper).

      This happens when you send a print job that requires Letter size paper, but the printer does not, or thinks it does not, have letter size paper.

      This can be cause by having the wrong paper size in the printer, but is more commonly caused by those who insert the paper tray guides incorrectly. Many people mistakenly insert the tray guide for letter size paper in the A4 (our European friend's letter-size equivalent) slots, because they are close in size.

      This causes a different sensor arm to be tripped, and the printer thinks it has A4 size when it actually is letter.

      This is what can cause this error message. Either that, the wrong size of paper, or a broken sensor.

      --
      Moon Macrosystems. Sun's biggest competitor.
    8. Re:Ahhh Office Space by deniable · · Score: 1

      It means hit shift+continue and let the printer get on with it. At least that's what we did with the Laserjet 4s. The new 5000s have a convert Letter -> A4 (or A4->Letter) option that makes it go away entirely.

    9. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Huh huh... huh. He said "slide in and out."

    10. Re:Ahhh Office Space by PCGod · · Score: 1

      you think that's YOUR favorite line? My real name is Mike, and everyone calls me PC, even in real life.

    11. Re:Ahhh Office Space by scottj · · Score: 2, Informative

      From my experiences with HP printers many years back, this message was caused far more often by simply running out of paper.

      --
      .-.--
    12. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      God damn HP printers.

      Our department's LaserJet 8000 keeps saying "55.A Printer Error". I tried to look this up on HPs support website. It says something like "An error has occured". Real insightful.

      Tried HP's message boards. I heard responces varying from "replace the duplexer", to "replace the fuser", to "replace the JetDirect card", to "check the cable from the aux tray to the printer". Tried all those things (except replacing the duplexor).

      Had a tech come out and look at it. It still gives that worthless error code. Fucking HP.

    13. Re:Ahhh Office Space by CProgrammer98 · · Score: 2

      Or in the UK, we use A4 paper, and the DUMB MICROSOFT WORD and the DUMB PRINTER DRIVER insist on setting themselves up to print on letter sized, so if you do a default install, on your first print, you see the stupid "load letter" message. The number of times I've gone to an office printer to see "load letter" because someone's just had a new pc and desktop support forgot to set it up for A4 printing. I then have to wait ages for the backed up jobs behind to finish so I can get my print.

      --
      And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour Isaiah 3:5
    14. Re:Ahhh Office Space by CProgrammer98 · · Score: 0, Flamebait

      ummm it means there's an error, internal to the server...

      It happens if the CGI program crashes and didn't send any output. You see it a lot on servers running java servlets or jsp...

      --
      And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour Isaiah 3:5
    15. Re:Ahhh Office Space by prwood · · Score: 1

      I was on call at work one week, and I got paged around 11 p.m., and ended up having to come into the office. Needless to say, I was a little bit miffed, as I can usually fix the problem remotely. Anyway, after working on the problem for an hour or so, I walked out of our dark offices to go home. As I walked through another department, I looked down at an HP LaserJet. What did it say on its LCD readout? "PC Load Letter"

      I had a good laugh that night. :-)

    16. Re:Ahhh Office Space by MaxVlast · · Score: 2

      HP went to hell once they started removing buttons and making their products pleasant and "consumer friendly." I had a 6L -- worst printer ever. I finally sucked it up and got a giant old beast on eBay. it came in two wooden crates, but it's (hopefully) the last printer I'll buy for ten years.

      --
      There should be a moratorium on the use of the apostrophe.
      Max V.
      NeXTMail/MIME Mail welcome
    17. Re:Ahhh Office Space by mithras+the+prophet · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Joke.

      It means something is funny and you laugh at it. You'll see it commonly on Internet forums, and occasionally in real life conversation...

      (methinks this one didn't see the movie?)

      --
      four nine eighteen twenty-7 thirty-nine forty-7 fiftyeight sixty-nine seventy-9 eighty-8 one-hundred-and-nine one-twenty
    18. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      This message wasn't unique to HP, I had an IBM (Lexmark) that used the same message. Meant the same thing, load more paper in the paper cartridge (versus the single sheet tray)

    19. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Uhh, wasn't the original post stating a favorite line and not asking for an explanation? Jeeze, can anyone relax on this message board?

    20. Re:Ahhh Office Space by sllort · · Score: 1

      The server is effed, but you can get most of the content of the Gallery page from Google's cache, as well as get a direct link to the red stapler image.

    21. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Chan · · Score: 1

      Of course, teTeX defaults to A4, so we have the same problem over here in the land of letter. It's just not a point'n'clicky solution.

      --
      (nil)
    22. Re:Ahhh Office Space by 4of12 · · Score: 2

      Don't worry, you get revenge when I try to print out a PostScript file with "A4" embedded in the preamble specifications on a printer loaded with "Letter" paper.

      Either it's a no go or I get really wide side margins on the text and almost nonexistent margins at the top and bottom of the text.

      --
      "Provided by the management for your protection."
    23. Re:Ahhh Office Space by CProgrammer98 · · Score: 1

      yeah I know it was a joke, but was it REALLY worthy of the /. front page???

      --
      And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour Isaiah 3:5
    24. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Suppafly · · Score: 2

      Yeh.. having served in the trenches as a lab ass at a university, I am very familiar with that error.. the giant hp lasers are all scrolling that across the little screen..

      Now that I work helpdesk, the clueless lab asses call me since they don't know how to fix it..

      always cracks me up when they say "pc load letter what the hell does that mean?" half the time we are even watching office space while they are calling..

    25. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Flamebait

      Servlets/JSP aren't CGI, you dumb fuck. Slashbots are so ignorant about anything that isn't Perl on Apache on Linux on Intel. Fuckin' newbies.

    26. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      God damn you suck.

    27. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      It means their java monkey is a goober.

    28. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Snover · · Score: 1

      Well then... thanks for completely ruining the joke.

      --

      [insert witty comment here]
    29. Re:Ahhh Office Space by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Yes!

      I read slashdot to get 'news for nerds', this exactly the type of thing nerds think is news.

      If you want something else, go somewhere else.

    30. Re:Ahhh Office Space by belloc · · Score: 1

      I believe my favorite line would have to be:

      PC Load Letter! What the fuck does that mean!!

      Sorry. The best line by far is the reference to Michael Bolton as a "no-talent ass-clown". Wow.

      --
      I got more rhymes than Jamaica got Mangoes.
  22. I put. . . by bplipschitz · · Score: 1, Funny

    strychnine in the guacamole.

    --bpl

    1. Re:I put. . . by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Why is this offtopic? Some moderator never watch Office Space...

    2. Re:I put. . . by Jonny+Ringo · · Score: 1

      Now, before you did that did you ask yourself:

      "Is this good for the company?"

  23. I Believe You Have My Dildo by TrollBurger · · Score: -1

    I believe you have my big red buzzing dildo. I left it at your place last night. Return it immediately, or you will be PUNISHED.

  24. michael, you no talent ass-clown... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    ...post a fucking article about Gene Kan, for Christ's sake!

    The man is dead by a gunshot wound, Jack Valenti and Hilary Rosen were seen leaving the scene in a hurry, and you posting shit about stupid fucking red staplers?

    And you want us to PAY for this?

    1. Re:michael, you no talent ass-clown... by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1
      I'll pay for this!

      We first met, of all places, in a taco place. Only a block from the university, the place was packed to the rafters with college students there for the cheap tacos and draft beer they served. I saw her walk in, her short, trim body and long light brown hair catching my eye immediately. I admired her legs, shown off by a brief miniskirt, and the firm roundness of her ass as she walked to the counter and placed her order, before returning my attention to my tacos and beer.

      The next time I noticed her, she was standing in the aisle, tray in hand, looking for a place to sit. It seemed that every table in the place was occupied. I was nearly through anyway, so, expecting her to say no, I invited her to join me at my table.

      My reward was a radiant smile as she sat across from me in the tiny booth. We introduced ourselves, and made small talk while we ate. Like me, she was a college student, and, though our majors were worlds apart, we found campus news to talk about. We were soon joking like two old friends and drinking another beer.

      The talk turned to dating, men, women, sex, parties, all the important things to college students, and the beer flowed freely. Then I stopped a joke in mid-sentence as she caught me totally off guard. A sudden sensation of pleasure made me look down to see her shapely, stocking-clad foot massaging the growing bulge in my pants. "Want to take a drive?" she asked. We left, getting into her shiny new sports car. She explained that it had been an early graduation present from her folks as she shifted smoothly through the gears. With each action of her foot on the clutch, her miniskirt rose higher and higher up her thigh, until I could clearly see the tops of her stockings and a hint of blue lace garters. Her blouse drooped open slightly between the buttons, just enough that I could tell that her bra matched the garters.

      I casually let a hand rest on her shapely thigh, just to see her reaction. To my surprise, she placed her hand on mine, drawing it slowly higher and higher up her leg, until it was high enough that it was obvious she wore no panties. Her pubic hair was long, thick and soft, and my probing fingers soon discovered that her lips were swollen and wet. She moaned softly and licked her lips as my fingers found her clit, and she downshifted, turning into a park that runs along the river.

      She pulled the car up under a railroad bridge that offered a little shade and blocked the view of her car from the road. After stopping the engine and adjusting the radio, she turned to me and we kissed, a long, wet, delicious kiss, my fingers still massaging her clit while she raked her long fingernails gently against the hard bulge in my pants.

      We finally broke the kiss, and she leaned back in her seat. Her eyes never left mine as she slowly, oh, so slowly, unbuttoned her silk blouse. Finally, she pulled it open, and I saw for the first time her gorgeous breasts, encased in a filmy blue bra. A tiny tatoo of a rose adorned the top of her left breast above the bra, and my lips found that spot, kissing and licking, as her nipples grew stiff in my palm. I pulled the bra out of the way, with her helping, and took her nipple into my mouth, sucking and gently rasping my teeth against it. She moaned, gasped, and arched her hips, pressing her perfect tit into my mouth. Suddenly, she pushed me away, pushing me back in my seat, and started to undo my jeans. I tried to help, but she just pushed my hands away, telling me with her eyes to let her do it.

      I raised my hips slightly to let her slide my jeans down past my knees, and she seemed amused at my lack of underwear. Leaning forward, her long, soft hair caressed my cock and balls for a moment, then I gasped as she slowly sucked the entire length of my raging hard-on, so gently she was barely touching it, until her nose was right up against my balls. She applied a little more pressure as she slowly slid her lips back up the length, then inhaled me again, moving onto her knees in her seat to get more comfortable. Over and over with maddening slowness her mouth travelled the length of my cock while my hand caressed her ass and pussy lips.

      She hit the lever for my seat, and I reclined fully. Soon her knees were on the headrest on either side of my head, and I was enjoying the taste and smell of her pussy as she continued to suck my swollen cock. She was as turned on as I was, I guess, because in minutes she was shuddering with orgasm, gasping and moaning around my cock while she ground her pussy into my mouth.

      She moved again, straddling me, and guided my stiff dick into her pussy. She was so tight! It was like fucking a virgin as she slid up and down on my rod. As we got closer and closer to cumming, she began to rock her hips, grinding our pubic bones together while she massaged my rock-hard cock with her incredible muscle control. Her orgasms were like a string of little firecrackers going off, each one a little bigger and a little stronger. Finally I could stand no more, and I grabbed her by the hips, arching up into her, and with a loud groan, I exploded. Her eyes fluttered shut and she came violently as my hot seed splashed against her insides, and she collapsed on my chest, her spasming pussy milking the last drops of my cum from my wilting cock.

      I never saw her again after that day, but I'll always get hard thinking of her!

  25. I am staying up late tonight by cmdr_shithead · · Score: -1

    to tell the world that I like poop

    1. Re:I am staying up late tonight by TrollBurger · · Score: -1

      Indeed.

  26. If you never saw the movie... by Bogatyr · · Score: 5, Funny

    follow the IMDB link to learn about Office Space.

    PETER GIBBONS
    'So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's me on the worst day of my life..'.

    1. Re:If you never saw the movie... by scott1853 · · Score: 1

      Wow, that's really messed up.

    2. Re:If you never saw the movie... by laserjet · · Score: 2

      uh.. i'm sorry. continue please.

      --
      Moon Macrosystems. Sun's biggest competitor.
    3. Re:If you never saw the movie... by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1

      In Western North Carolina, the Autumn sets in with rapid change. The leaves begin to redden and the wind becomes cold. It was during the Autumn of my
      22nd year I first had actual intercourse, and my first anal intercourse.

      I'd moved to NC from the west only a year before I met her. She was a tall dark-haired college student with a typical Southern twang. She wasn't
      beautiful, but she was pretty and I fell in love with her after studying Chemistry with her.

      By that Autumn we'd been dating for a while and had progressed only somewhat to mutual masterbation. I'd not had actual intercourse and she seemed
      anxious to be my first. (I was obviously more than willing.)

      I came to her place after work one day, she lived fairly far out in the country and the drive was long. I figured we'd study some and maybe mess
      around, but had no clue what was in store for me that day.

      I was happy to see that her parents weren't home, her father worked in a furniture factory and her mother was a cook at a local school. Her siblings
      were also not home, her sister still in High School and her brother a deadbeat.

      We began making out as soon as I got there. I'd hardly kicked off my shoes when she said, "I've got something special for you!" I just smiled.

      She quickly went into her room and shut the door. I waited, but not so patiently.

      When she opened the door I beheld quite an erotic sight. My girlfriend had changed into a white camisole and NOTHING else. She grabbed me by the hand and took me into the attic.

      The attic was quite spacious, a window let in plenty of light, her family had recently cleaned it so it was pretty nice. She took a blanket and lay it on the floor. I took control quickly and began kissing her breasts and sucking her nipples.

      I slowly made my way down to her pussy and licked it up. I enjoy cunnilingus and took my time making her squirm.

      Suddenly she stopped me. She seemed to be pondering something. I wasn't sure what...

      "Um..." she said, "have you ever though about anal sex?"

      Stunned, I just hemmed and hawed. I wasn't sure what to say.

      "Want to try it?" She said quietly.

      "Um... sure!" I was more than enthusiastic.

      "Ok, but you're gonna have to get me really wet and make sure it's loose." She warned.

      She rolled over onto all fours and I began again to lick and suck her pussy. She always got quite wet so I began to move some of the juices up to her
      anus. After about 5 minutes of dousing her nether-hole with pussy juice and saliva, I began pushing fingers into her ass.

      She seemed really into it. I'd already stripped nude by this time and she was playing with my cock. I used some of the precum to further lubricate her
      ass.

      Once I had three fingers in her butt, she told me she thought she was ready. The white camisole had slid up around her neck and she had her ass in the
      air.

      I mounted her, my heart pounding, (my dick too.) I pushed my penis into her ass really slowly, not sure what would happen. The head popped slowly pass
      the muscle ring and I was in.

      She let out a gasp of pain/pleasure. I asked if I was hurting her and she said "no... but go real slow."

      I agreed and spent quite a while slowly burying my cock in her ass and then pulling out. After a few minutes I couldn't stand it any more and began to
      pick up the pace.

      She lowered herself to the floor, apparently under too much strain to hold herself up. I continued thrusting. I couldn't believe my first intercourse
      was anal!

      I fucked her ass for several moments, she'd gotten her legs back and was up on her knees again, fingering her clit. The feeling was incredible and it wasn't too long before I couldn't contain my pleasure.

      I told her I was going to cum and she told me to do it in her ass, so it wouldn't make a mess. I blew my load in her and lay atop her. She came
      quickly after and we both layed down together, there in the attic.

      Only a few moments passed when we heard the sound of a car engine.

      "Shit!" She said. Jumping up. She wrapped the camisole around her to keep in my cum and looked out the window. "My fucking brother is here!" She hissed.

      We both ran down stairs, she ran to her room and I to the bathroom just as her brother came in. They talked a while through the door as I washed off my
      cock and got dressed. They said a few words and he went up... to the attic.

      Luckly he didn't suspect anything and we got away with it. She didn't realize that she'd made a monster out of me though, and I begged her for
      anal sex all the time after that. My first vaginal intercourse happened just a month later, in an freezing cold old house on her property, but that's
      another (and a funny, "do you smoke after sex? YES!") story.

      We dated for about three years before our differences really tugged. I met someone else and we broke up badly. I moved back our west and spoke to her once later, she's married to a typical redneck jerk and seeing ~other women~ on the side.

      During our relationship we had anal sex on rare occasions, it was clear that it was something she didn't -like-, but that she'd give me if I got her
      really horny.

      I dated other women, but only had anal once with any of them. Its not something I crave, like I did then. There was something about the taboo-ness
      of the whole thing that was a big turn-on.

      I'm married now, and haven't discussed it with my wife. She made it clear once that it was something too weird for her, and she's a knockout anyway.

  27. damned /. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    500 Internal Server Error /b2c/:

    null
    java.lang.NullPointerException
    at jrun__util__Errorpage2ejsp13._jspService(jrun__uti l__Errorpage2ejsp13.java:268)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.HttpJSPServlet.service(HttpJSPSer vlet.java:40)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunNamedDispatcher.forward(J RunNamedDispatcher.java:34)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.JSPServlet.service(JSPServlet.jav a:177)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunRequestDispatcher.forward (JRunRequestDispatcher.java:88)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.JRunPageContext.forward(JRunPageC ontext.java:333)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.JRunPageContext.handlePageExcepti on(JRunPageContext.java:350)
    at jrun__index2ejspa._jspService(jrun__index2ejspa.ja va:883)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.HttpJSPServlet.service(HttpJSPSer vlet.java:40)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunNamedDispatcher.forward(J RunNamedDispatcher.java:34)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.JSPServlet.service(JSPServlet.jav a:177)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunRequestDispatcher.forward (JRunRequestDispatcher.java:88)
    at allaire.jrun.file.FileServlet.service(FileServlet. java:179)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunServletPool.service(JRunS ervletPool.java:92)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunRequestDispatcher.forward (JRunRequestDispatcher.java:88)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:11 63)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:11 53)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JvmContext.dispatch(JvmContex t.java:330)
    at allaire.jrun.jrpp.ProxyEndpoint.run(ProxyEndpoint. java:382)
    at allaire.jrun.ThreadPool.run(ThreadPool.java:272)
    at allaire.jrun.WorkerThread.run(WorkerThread.java:75 )

  28. All around the country... by GriffX · · Score: 5, Funny

    Office managers are putting on their O-face. You know: Oh! Oh!

    --
    These comments and opinions are mine and mine alone, although they shouldn't be.
    1. Re:All around the country... by TrollBurger · · Score: -1
      Office managers are putting on their O-face. You know: Oh! Oh!

      These comments and opinions are mine and mine alone, although they shouldn't be.

      They are also smearing semen on their faces too. But you'd know about that already, wouldn't you.

      Also, why shouldn't the comments and opinions not be yours, and your alone? Are you part of some giant brain collective? Sounds very communist to me. If you used linux i'd understand, but it sounds like that post came from a windows XP box.

    2. Re:All around the country... by Raul654 · · Score: 1

      To quote the movie Billy Madison:
      what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

      --


      To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt.
      --E.C. Stanton
    3. Re:All around the country... by SnakeEyes · · Score: 1

      Yeah...i'd like to take her for a ride on the ol' bone rollercoaster.

      WHEEEEEEEEEEEE! :)

      --
      Come on, Tinkler, Tink!!
    4. Re:All around the country... by operagost · · Score: 1

      I thought that was a SNL Jeopardy bit.

      --

      Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
  29. The Troll Polka: UPDATED by poopbot by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    THE TROLL POLKA (ARSCHFICKEN MIT ZIEGEN)
    By Serial Troller, 2002-06-25

    Is das nicht ein early post? Ja! Das ist mein early post!
    Is das nicht ein Goatse ghost? Ja! Das ist mein Goatse ghost!
    Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

    Is das post at minus one? Ja! Das ist at minus one!
    Is das trolling so much fun? Ja! Das trolling is so fun!
    Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

    Is das nicht ein big crapflood? Ja! Das ist mein big crapflood!
    Is it worthless Linux FUD? Ja! Das ist mein Linux FUD!
    Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

    Is das nicht der CowBoiKneel? Ja! Das ist der CowBoiKneel!
    Is dis nicht his manchode meal? Ja! Das ist his manchode meal!
    CowBoiKneel, manchode meal, Big crapflood, Linux FUD,
    Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

    Is das nicht ein WIPO Troll? Ja! Das ist der WIPO Troll!
    Is das nicht ein Goatse hole? Ja! Das ist der Goatse hole!
    WIPO Troll, Goatse hole, CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,
    Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

    Is das nicht Jon Katz' slave boys? Ja! Das ist Jon Katz' slave boys!
    Und are they not Taco's sex toys? Ja! They are Taco's sex toys!
    Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys, WIPO Troll, Goatse hole,
    CowBoiKneel, manchode meal, Big crapflood, Linux FUD,
    Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

    Is das nicht ein trolltalk thread? Ja! Das ist ein trolltalk thread!
    Is it nicht now FUCKING DEAD? Ja! Is really FUCKING DEAD!
    Trolltalk thread, FUCKING DEAD! Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys,
    WIPO Troll, Goatse hole, CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,
    Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun,
    Early post, Goatse ghost,
    Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene,
    Slashdot sucks!

    ____________________

    Change Log:

    * Subtle changes to most verses. It sounded really gay before.
    * Removed all references to Taco's pud. May have been high at time. Will investigate further.
    * Finally think I have goat sex written correctly in German. I think. Arschficken?

    (C) 2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.

    - poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart

  30. Rob is SO dead. by Kathleen+Malda · · Score: -1

    I can't believe he leaked this story out. I'm going to kill him. He fucks me for the first time in WEEKS, I have to let him fuck me in the ASS to get him to do anything, and then he turns around and puts the story where someone can post it.

    I'm sorry guys. This was between me and my Rob.

    1. Re:Rob is SO dead. by pimphandofgod · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      haha.
      hahahhahahaha.
      oh man. i have no idea what's goin on.
      -Towelie

  31. Red stapler by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Imagine a beowulf cluster of these!

    (This post is certified by me, Anonymous Coward, and is guaranteed to be a 100% authentic beowulf troll post. The reader is hereby advised that imaginization of a beowulf cluster, in whole or in part, or in any combination, of the items in the story to which this post pertains, is fully sanctioned and endorsed by me, Anonymous Coward.)

    1. Re:Red stapler by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1
      We first met, of all places, in a taco place. Only a block from the university, the place was packed to the rafters with college students there for the cheap tacos and draft beer they served. I saw her walk in, her short, trim body and long light brown hair catching my eye immediately. I admired her legs, shown off by a brief miniskirt, and the firm roundness of her ass as she walked to the counter and placed her order, before returning my attention to my tacos and beer.

      The next time I noticed her, she was standing in the aisle, tray in hand, looking for a place to sit. It seemed that every table in the place was occupied. I was nearly through anyway, so, expecting her to say no, I invited her to join me at my table.

      My reward was a radiant smile as she sat across from me in the tiny booth. We introduced ourselves, and made small talk while we ate. Like me, she was a college student, and, though our majors were worlds apart, we found campus news to talk about. We were soon joking like two old friends and drinking another beer.

      The talk turned to dating, men, women, sex, parties, all the important things to college students, and the beer flowed freely. Then I stopped a joke in mid-sentence as she caught me totally off guard. A sudden sensation of pleasure made me look down to see her shapely, stocking-clad foot massaging the growing bulge in my pants. "Want to take a drive?" she asked. We left, getting into her shiny new sports car. She explained that it had been an early graduation present from her folks as she shifted smoothly through the gears. With each action of her foot on the clutch, her miniskirt rose higher and higher up her thigh, until I could clearly see the tops of her stockings and a hint of blue lace garters. Her blouse drooped open slightly between the buttons, just enough that I could tell that her bra matched the garters.

      I casually let a hand rest on her shapely thigh, just to see her reaction. To my surprise, she placed her hand on mine, drawing it slowly higher and higher up her leg, until it was high enough that it was obvious she wore no panties. Her pubic hair was long, thick and soft, and my probing fingers soon discovered that her lips were swollen and wet. She moaned softly and licked her lips as my fingers found her clit, and she downshifted, turning into a park that runs along the river.

      She pulled the car up under a railroad bridge that offered a little shade and blocked the view of her car from the road. After stopping the engine and adjusting the radio, she turned to me and we kissed, a long, wet, delicious kiss, my fingers still massaging her clit while she raked her long fingernails gently against the hard bulge in my pants.

      We finally broke the kiss, and she leaned back in her seat. Her eyes never left mine as she slowly, oh, so slowly, unbuttoned her silk blouse. Finally, she pulled it open, and I saw for the first time her gorgeous breasts, encased in a filmy blue bra. A tiny tatoo of a rose adorned the top of her left breast above the bra, and my lips found that spot, kissing and licking, as her nipples grew stiff in my palm. I pulled the bra out of the way, with her helping, and took her nipple into my mouth, sucking and gently rasping my teeth against it. She moaned, gasped, and arched her hips, pressing her perfect tit into my mouth. Suddenly, she pushed me away, pushing me back in my seat, and started to undo my jeans. I tried to help, but she just pushed my hands away, telling me with her eyes to let her do it.

      I raised my hips slightly to let her slide my jeans down past my knees, and she seemed amused at my lack of underwear. Leaning forward, her long, soft hair caressed my cock and balls for a moment, then I gasped as she slowly sucked the entire length of my raging hard-on, so gently she was barely touching it, until her nose was right up against my balls. She applied a little more pressure as she slowly slid her lips back up the length, then inhaled me again, moving onto her knees in her seat to get more comfortable. Over and over with maddening slowness her mouth travelled the length of my cock while my hand caressed her ass and pussy lips.

      She hit the lever for my seat, and I reclined fully. Soon her knees were on the headrest on either side of my head, and I was enjoying the taste and smell of her pussy as she continued to suck my swollen cock. She was as turned on as I was, I guess, because in minutes she was shuddering with orgasm, gasping and moaning around my cock while she ground her pussy into my mouth.

      She moved again, straddling me, and guided my stiff dick into her pussy. She was so tight! It was like fucking a virgin as she slid up and down on my rod. As we got closer and closer to cumming, she began to rock her hips, grinding our pubic bones together while she massaged my rock-hard cock with her incredible muscle control. Her orgasms were like a string of little firecrackers going off, each one a little bigger and a little stronger. Finally I could stand no more, and I grabbed her by the hips, arching up into her, and with a loud groan, I exploded. Her eyes fluttered shut and she came violently as my hot seed splashed against her insides, and she collapsed on my chest, her spasming pussy milking the last drops of my cum from my wilting cock.

      I never saw her again after that day, but I'll always get hard thinking of her!

    2. Re:Red stapler by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Imagine a beowulf cluster of these!

      With anti-aliased fonts!

    3. Re:Red stapler by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Forget the beowulf cluster. I am offering a reward of $200,000 if you can get the stapler to run Linux without a mod chip.

  32. Office Space creates Anarchy by stewartj · · Score: 5, Funny

    I work at motorola. Motorola is undoubtedly a huge source of inspiration for things like Office Space, and *especially* Dilbert. During out "Employee Well-Being" week they showed Office Space in one of the break rooms. It created anarchy when people saw the reality of their office lives!

    1. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Peyna · · Score: 4, Funny

      You would be surprised how much the movie Office Space applies to non cubical jobs as well. While working a factory I experienced many similar things to the movie. Such as, if I messed up, I had 5 people telling me about it and reminding me about it. And there was a lady one line over that would talk on her phone and had the most annoying laugh in the world (and this was a pretty loud factory too!). There's more than that, but it was pretty amazing how it paralleled to even a factor job.

      --
      What?
    2. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by scott1853 · · Score: 5, Funny

      I worked at a Xerox factory after high school. I only had one boss tell me I wasn't doing something right. The next day though, there were posters ALL over the clean room with clipart people showing the right and wrong ways of doing it. Talk about overkill.

    3. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by delcielo · · Score: 5, Funny

      You know, the only reason I don't watch that movie very often is that it's TOO realistic. Watching that movie is like going to work.

      --
      Hot Damn! It's the Soggy Bottom Boys!
    4. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1
      We first met, of all places, in a taco place. Only a block from the university, the place was packed to the rafters with college students there for the cheap tacos and draft beer they served. I saw her walk in, her short, trim body and long light brown hair catching my eye immediately. I admired her legs, shown off by a brief miniskirt, and the firm roundness of her ass as she walked to the counter and placed her order, before returning my attention to my tacos and beer.

      The next time I noticed her, she was standing in the aisle, tray in hand, looking for a place to sit. It seemed that every table in the place was occupied. I was nearly through anyway, so, expecting her to say no, I invited her to join me at my table.

      My reward was a radiant smile as she sat across from me in the tiny booth. We introduced ourselves, and made small talk while we ate. Like me, she was a college student, and, though our majors were worlds apart, we found campus news to talk about. We were soon joking like two old friends and drinking another beer.

      The talk turned to dating, men, women, sex, parties, all the important things to college students, and the beer flowed freely. Then I stopped a joke in mid-sentence as she caught me totally off guard. A sudden sensation of pleasure made me look down to see her shapely, stocking-clad foot massaging the growing bulge in my pants. "Want to take a drive?" she asked. We left, getting into her shiny new sports car. She explained that it had been an early graduation present from her folks as she shifted smoothly through the gears. With each action of her foot on the clutch, her miniskirt rose higher and higher up her thigh, until I could clearly see the tops of her stockings and a hint of blue lace garters. Her blouse drooped open slightly between the buttons, just enough that I could tell that her bra matched the garters.

      I casually let a hand rest on her shapely thigh, just to see her reaction. To my surprise, she placed her hand on mine, drawing it slowly higher and higher up her leg, until it was high enough that it was obvious she wore no panties. Her pubic hair was long, thick and soft, and my probing fingers soon discovered that her lips were swollen and wet. She moaned softly and licked her lips as my fingers found her clit, and she downshifted, turning into a park that runs along the river.

      She pulled the car up under a railroad bridge that offered a little shade and blocked the view of her car from the road. After stopping the engine and adjusting the radio, she turned to me and we kissed, a long, wet, delicious kiss, my fingers still massaging her clit while she raked her long fingernails gently against the hard bulge in my pants.

      We finally broke the kiss, and she leaned back in her seat. Her eyes never left mine as she slowly, oh, so slowly, unbuttoned her silk blouse. Finally, she pulled it open, and I saw for the first time her gorgeous breasts, encased in a filmy blue bra. A tiny tatoo of a rose adorned the top of her left breast above the bra, and my lips found that spot, kissing and licking, as her nipples grew stiff in my palm. I pulled the bra out of the way, with her helping, and took her nipple into my mouth, sucking and gently rasping my teeth against it. She moaned, gasped, and arched her hips, pressing her perfect tit into my mouth. Suddenly, she pushed me away, pushing me back in my seat, and started to undo my jeans. I tried to help, but she just pushed my hands away, telling me with her eyes to let her do it.

      I raised my hips slightly to let her slide my jeans down past my knees, and she seemed amused at my lack of underwear. Leaning forward, her long, soft hair caressed my cock and balls for a moment, then I gasped as she slowly sucked the entire length of my raging hard-on, so gently she was barely touching it, until her nose was right up against my balls. She applied a little more pressure as she slowly slid her lips back up the length, then inhaled me again, moving onto her knees in her seat to get more comfortable. Over and over with maddening slowness her mouth travelled the length of my cock while my hand caressed her ass and pussy lips.

      She hit the lever for my seat, and I reclined fully. Soon her knees were on the headrest on either side of my head, and I was enjoying the taste and smell of her pussy as she continued to suck my swollen cock. She was as turned on as I was, I guess, because in minutes she was shuddering with orgasm, gasping and moaning around my cock while she ground her pussy into my mouth.

      She moved again, straddling me, and guided my stiff dick into her pussy. She was so tight! It was like fucking a virgin as she slid up and down on my rod. As we got closer and closer to cumming, she began to rock her hips, grinding our pubic bones together while she massaged my rock-hard cock with her incredible muscle control. Her orgasms were like a string of little firecrackers going off, each one a little bigger and a little stronger. Finally I could stand no more, and I grabbed her by the hips, arching up into her, and with a loud groan, I exploded. Her eyes fluttered shut and she came violently as my hot seed splashed against her insides, and she collapsed on my chest, her spasming pussy milking the last drops of my cum from my wilting cock.

      I never saw her again after that day, but I'll always get hard thinking of her!

    5. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Monkelectric · · Score: 5, Interesting

      Office Space is really an indictment of corporate culture and to a much lesser extent capitalism. One thing that was disturbingly true at my last place of employment [systems admin] was always the "staying late." My fucking boss would walk in at 1:00pm for his first meeting, get out of that at 2:00, catch up on some work, maybe teach a class, then at 4:30 he'd wander in and ask you "how late can you stay tonight? " To quote brain candy I said, "fucker I've been here for 8 hours already!" but then out loud I said "How late do you need me?" Another just criminal thing they would do to me is, at noon they would they would tell me, "I need to see you at 4:00 its important." And then I'd spin my wheels for 4 hours, and finally they'd drop some shit on me like "I need a webmail system running before you leave tonight."(not exadurating, this was said to me). But most of the time it was shit that wasn't even my job "I need you to convert this journal paper into a PDF" (hardcopy only). One day I had worked 17 hours with no lunck/breaks to help meet a deadline created by my boss not starting a proposal until 24 hours before it had to be fedexed. By the end I had a crushing headache and was having trouble seeing from exhaustion, and at 3:00am my boss had the balls to ask me "What time can you be here in the morning? 10:00? We need you at 10" (knowing full well I had a 35 mile commute each way) ... which brings me to the real problem - respect. Most managers have no respect for their employees.

      --

      Religion is a gateway psychosis. -- Dave Foley

    6. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by guttentag · · Score: 2
      I used to host a weekly movie night in one of the conference rooms for people who had to stay late, and the one night we watched Office Space our new VP of Human Resources popped her head in.

      "What's this? A movie night? What a great idea! What are you watching?"

    7. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Anyone qualified to work any type of non-slave-labor job would have quit the first time that shit started coming down.

      Were you another overpaid, underqualified linux-n00b that got a job at a dot.com???

      Don't blame your boss for utilizing your ignorant ass.

    8. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by NeMon'ess · · Score: 2

      Well go on, what happened?

    9. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by guttentag · · Score: 2
      Well go on, what happened?
      Look, there's absolutely no evidence to link that episode to the fact that each of the people in that room was laid off a month later. None whatsoever. They told me so: "The Company encourages employees to take the initiative in boosting morale."
    10. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by taernim · · Score: 1

      I worked at Intel until recently. Every day got even closer to Office Space reality. The final blow was when we had cake for some co-worker with some half-assed singing. All I was waiting for was a fellow employee to say "But I want some cake and last time I didn't get any"... It's too, too scary.

      --
      "PC Load Letter? What the $@#% does that mean?!"
    11. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by RatFink100 · · Score: 2

      by the way - how's that TPS report coming?

    12. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      Get out whilst there is still hope.

      I did - best damn thing I could have done.

      Remember, you're not a "valued employee", you're a "resource".

    13. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I used to work at an IP law firm and while I was there over 25% of their employees left on their own (and some not). What was funny is that when they turfed somebody they would find a reason to have a cake and a small party on the Friday. Right before I left (and I am glad I did) it had gotten to the point where if someone left a bunch of us wouldn't bring lunch on Friday knowing well that there would be stuff to eat.

    14. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by MaxVlast · · Score: 1

      How many jobs have you gotten in the last year? (that didn't include mowing yards or taking any sort of food by car to private residences)

      --
      There should be a moratorium on the use of the apostrophe.
      Max V.
      NeXTMail/MIME Mail welcome
    15. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You are an absolute fucking fool to post that in a public forum.

    16. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You think that is funny. We do that cake thing almost every week it seems and last time they kept it quiet because they only bought a small cake. Of course I had to stand there reluctantly passing the cake down mubling. Luckily, most of my coworkers actually got the joke (and I got cake).

    17. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Maybe if you knew how to spell exaggerate (exadurating? wtf?), you'd get more respect. Just a thought.

    18. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by The_Shadows · · Score: 3, Insightful

      No offense man, but grow some cajones. If they fire you, they fire you. You obviously don't care for this job too much.

    19. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Lesson #1 - if your boss screwed around and is trying to get you to fix it... FRY HIS ASS FOR IT..

      It's always great to walk into your bosses' bos and drop the report on their desk, saying "sorry "idiots" report isnt finished, he gave it to me last night as I was walking out the door and told me to make up some stuff so you though he was actually doing it..

      Fry their ass, and fry them HARD... it's the only way... espically if you keep detailed logs of your own on when and where the boss is screwing around/the company.

    20. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by babbage · · Score: 1

      A few weeks ago, some contractors accidentally drilled through the line bringing electricity to our building, thus ending the workday for nearly everyone. At that point the only thing left to do was bring down all the servers & any desktop machines that weren't on a UPS, then crowd around in front of the office display computer -- the one with a UPS, a DVD drive, and a wall-mounted 48" display. We all sat around watching "Office Space" for as long as possible -- managers of other departments sent their employees home, then came over to watch. It was grand... :-)

      --
      DO NOT LEAVE IT IS NOT REAL
    21. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      1 and I kept it. Aye.

    22. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Monkelectric · · Score: 5, Interesting

      No offense man, but grow some cajones. If they fire you, they fire you

      One thing that was disturbingly true at my last place of employment

      I know it's subtle, but "was" and "last" are past tense, indicating I am no longer working there :)

      That story is actually more like enron meets office space. I had wanted to quit for about a year, but I had debts to pay and I wanted to stay at the job for atleast two years to look good on a resume. My boss and a official from accounting approached me one day telling me they were going to have the university write me a check and I was going to write most of the check back to them and that they needed to do this because they had paid me out of the wrong account :) Long story short I dont believe shit my boss tells me and the plan would have gotten me in *UBER* hot water with the IRS and NSF both whom the plan defrauded.

      So I went to the universities Judicial Director (the university interface to the legal system), who hooked me up with a detective and a deputy district attorney, for whom I agreed to setup my boss for prosecution by completing the fraud under the supervision of the police. On two occasions I wore a wire to document the planning of the crime for the police... and now that my boss is either going to be fired, sentured, or jailed, I quit.

      Is that enuf "cajones" for you? You really shouldn't use your +2 bonus for stupid comments.

      --

      Religion is a gateway psychosis. -- Dave Foley

    23. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by AppyPappy · · Score: 2

      He right. I did the slave hours until I noticed that guys working 8-5 got as much love as I got. I finally said "screw it" and stood up to them. It didn't cost me anything. Now I work 7-5 and that's it. I can get it done so they can just relax.

      --

      If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem

    24. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by MagnaMark · · Score: 2, Insightful

      That's pretty funny. It's also pretty funny that most of us paying homage to Office Space are doing so from a cubicle somewhere in corporate IT land.

      It reminds me of a theory put forward by Tom Tomorrow about Dilbert.

      In this op-ed piece, he suggests "that fellow cartoonist Scott Adams might actually be "providing a valuable service for all those idiotic bosses" he parodies in his syndicated strip, Dilbert -- "by giving their employees a safety valve that's just edgy enough to ring true, without inspiring anyone to actually question the fundamental assumptions of corporate America."

      It's a compelling idea that could apply to Office Space just as well.

    25. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by LatJoor · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Hey, I'm glad he made that comment so we could get that second, much better story out of you. That brightened my day.

    26. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      take some time to learn to spell and maybe then someone might thing you deserve some respect.

      sound like you had a normal job to me

    27. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by JackRandom · · Score: 1

      Funny you should mention that. A co-worker and I watched Office Space one night because it was so much like work. The next day, we were fired. I just about laughed my ass off!

    28. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by M-G · · Score: 2

      the only thing left to do was bring down all the servers & any desktop machines that weren't on a UPS

      Uh, if the power was cut, wouldn't these systems already be down? :-)

    29. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by babbage · · Score: 2

      doh! well, you know what i meant... :)

      --
      DO NOT LEAVE IT IS NOT REAL
    30. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      just be glad they havent figured out email. I get about 50 a day. Thats internal not spam. Just email from people who think I care that their computer will be down next week. A few poor souls I know get upwards of 300 per day. Again not spam...

    31. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by ealar+dlanvuli · · Score: 1

      You know, I think I would have actually started cracking up.

      Just imagine how much that would scare your boss

      "I do hate to tell you this, but we are going to have to let you go"

      *uncontroled lafter*

      "uh, are you alright?"

      slowly: "Yes, yes.. alright I'm better now. Ok, can I get a letter of recomendation from you when I come in to get my stuff tomorow? I've got some meetings to set up today"

      "uh... fine"

      *you leave*

      *manager picks up phone*

      "Security? Yes, I need an armed guard for Ealar Dlanvuli tomorow, I think he might be going to try something stupid"

      --
      I live in a giant bucket.
    32. Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      If they have a 3 phase supply to the place not necessairly.

      Twice in the last 3 years where I work, one line of the 3 phase has been knocked out.
      All the environmental systems go down.
      And based on some insane wiring random desks, cubes and spots in the building go off, but the rest stay powered, even UPS systems on the "broken" power dont complain about the quality of it.

  33. I hate to tilt at windmills, but by Simon+Garlick · · Score: 0, Flamebait

    Come on guys, there was about fifteen, twenty minutes TOPS, of "geek cult movie". The rest of Office Space was just more of the same regurgitated Hollywood "boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy regains girl" schlock.

    *watches karma evaporate*

    --

    -----
    PGP Key ID 0xCB8FF658
    1. Re:I hate to tilt at windmills, but by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      *watches karma evaporate*

      I hope no one bothers.

    2. Re:I hate to tilt at windmills, but by scott1853 · · Score: 2

      When you only see maybe 2 minutes of such content per month watching regular TV & movies, you take what you can get. Personally I'd rather watch Office Space for the 10th time than watch Anti-Trust for the 2nd.

    3. Re:I hate to tilt at windmills, but by Peyna · · Score: 4, Funny

      Seemed the other way around to me. 15 minutes of that boy meets girl crap, except it was better, because his pickup line was "do you like kung fu?".

      --
      What?
    4. Re:I hate to tilt at windmills, but by laserjet · · Score: 2

      You may be right, bu do you know of a better, more humorous movie that is similar to office space? I thought it was well done, although I could have used more geek cubical stuff in the movie.

      although i accept the fact that the movie was not written for me.

      --
      Moon Macrosystems. Sun's biggest competitor.
    5. Re:I hate to tilt at windmills, but by z84976 · · Score: 2

      Beginning the day we all watched Office Space on the bad-ass hi-res LCD projector in the conference room (driven off a DVD player in an IBM laptop) my boss comes around and goes "mmmm... yeah, ...."

    6. Re:I hate to tilt at windmills, but by SlugLord · · Score: 1

      I don't have anything productive to say, but I like the don quixote reference

    7. Re:I hate to tilt at windmills, but by deniable · · Score: 1

      You forgot "boy imagines boss having girl and coffee." mmmm, okay, yeah, slurp.

    8. Re:I hate to tilt at windmills, but by r00tarded · · Score: 1

      yeah but a better pickup line is "I know kung-fu" hell it got neo trinity!

      --


      four-oh-four
    9. Re:I hate to tilt at windmills, but by spike+hay · · Score: 2

      You forgot "boy imagines boss having girl and coffee." mmmm, okay, yeah, slurp.

      Yeah. Could you moxe a little over to the right? Grreat.

      --
      If you don't understand any of my sayings, come to me in private and I shall take you in my German mouth.
  34. FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by RTFA+Man · · Score: 0, Insightful
    What the fuck is this?? A goddamn story about a red fucking stapler?

    Gene Kan is dead. Got it? Dead. From a probable self-inflicted, but we're not sure, but we'll probably call it that, even though his employer says otherwise, and his family for some odd fucking reason doesn't want any details released, gunshot wound. A guy who has just about everything a young cali bro could want, a fancy car collection, respect from his peers, a PAYING job (sorry slashdork crew), you name it. Dead.

    Oh, but the red stapler story is boss.

    1. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by acasto · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Exactly, it seems something is going on here! What's the deal?

    2. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by Prop · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      What the fuck is this?? A goddamn story about a red fucking stapler?

      Gene Kan is dead. Got it? Dead. From a probable self-inflicted, but we're not sure, but we'll probably call it that, even though his employer says otherwise, and his family for some odd fucking reason doesn't want any details released, gunshot wound. A guy who has just about everything a young cali bro could want, a fancy car collection, respect from his peers, a PAYING job (sorry slashdork crew), you name it. Dead.

      Oh, but the red stapler story is boss.

      They actually REJECTED my story submission this morning.

      New low for Slashdot... if you can believe that!

    3. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by mansa · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Yeah,

      I sumbitted this story as well, linked from C-net, which has a good write up of Gene's contributions. I though they would've posted somehting.

    4. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by /dev/trash · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      People die everyday. Those that commit suicide really shouldn't be held up as heroes.

    5. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by RTFA+Man · · Score: -1, Troll

      And how are you certain it was suicide? Your id doesn't list you as a SF coroner or detective. Nice of you to right Gene off this quickly.

    6. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      did he kill himself with a red stapler? if not, why are you whining on this thread?

    7. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Everyone else submitted it days ago before it was Yahoo top news for 5 minutes.

    8. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by ChuyMatt · · Score: 1

      um... well... from your post, i regret to say, you gave no indication that he was HAPPY. all of those things mean nothing. It can just leave you looking at the hole in your life that you made to get all those "things". This, i know, is offtoppic, but i think it needs to be said none the less. If that is "everything...[you] could want", i am very sorry.

    9. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by ipfwadm · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Gene Kan is dead. Got it? Dead.

      And up until 5 minutes ago, I had never heard of this guy. Why not? Because from reading the Wired news article, all he did was work on Gnutella. Gnutella. Who cares. After reading your post I thought maybe this guy had invented the Internet. People die all the time. And according to the article, "Kan's suicide was not completely unexpected, according to some of his friends. They had hoped Kan was winning his hard-fought battle against depression exacerbated by personal problems." I battled depression too and I'm a programmer, should /. run an article on me now? I would be willing to bet that far more /. readers have seen Office Space and are interested in a red stapler than know who this guy was. Oh, and did I mention, he died on June 29. It is now July 11. The story has been on Wired for almost 2 days now. Isn't it a little late for you to go into this rant? And as other posters mentioned, just because he had fancy cars and respect and money doesn't mean he was happy.

    10. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by Spruce+Moose · · Score: 0

      I think the story submission checkers are on crack!

    11. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Are you fucking kidding me? A nice job and paycheck, nice car collection, and sunny california weather? What the hell else could a person want in life? I say he was murdered.

    12. Re:FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS by hyperizer · · Score: 1

      The story has been on Wired for almost 2 days now. Isn't it a little late for you to go into this rant?

      Of course the red stapler news has been making the blog circuit for quite some time now. It was on Metafilter May 1. And for those who havn't seen Office Space (like me), mentioning the movie title in the Slashdot story would have been polite...

  35. MOD PARENT DOWN -1 VIRGIN by TrollBurger · · Score: -1

    You're not having much luck with those first posts are you? Only got one out of several attempts. Try harder grasshopper. And don't be such a pussy.

  36. Cultural Icon by HBergeron · · Score: 5, Interesting

    being an afficionado of dark comedy, I have long been a fan of Office Space. I may be one of five buyers of the (poorly produced) DVD. The performances, particularly Ron Livingstone (hugely underrated actor) and Diedrich Bader (almost unrecognizable) make it a real gem.

    On the subject of red staplers, why has the post WWII workplace insisted on mono-color conformity? It seems almost a conspiracy to ensure that office workers be isolated from as much visual stimulation as possible. Is it so important that the occasional visitor/client not see a single clash of colors that offends their sensibility? It would not revolutionize the drudgery of the workplace, but more allowances for individuality and color can't help but improve the condiditon of those who must exist in that environment from day to day.

    The whole "flair" concept at the Houlihans type restaurant carries the same theme. Even where modern business allows disorder, it cannot be individually expressive disorder, it must be carefully regimented and designed to communicate the corporate message, not a personal one.

    The dot com bust has given added credence to those who actually advocate this kind of enforced conformity - they point to a free form, more open dot com workplaces as a symptom or cause of the crash, and are using it to crush any new proposal to create a more humanized, comfortable workplace. Just my two cents. Great movie if you haven't seen it.

    --
    THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal...
    1. Re:Cultural Icon by GriffX · · Score: 2, Insightful

      The performances, particularly Ron Livingstone (hugely underrated actor)...

      No kidding. He was fantastic in "Band of Brothers" [IMDB link] as Cpt. Lew Nixon. For anyone who may have seen the show, he was the hard-drinking pal of Major Winters, the noble and heroic leader of the company.

      It was a great mini-series - hell, it was a great film - and Livingston was equally great in a second-banana role. He could easily have played it as the 'drunk heroe's buddy', but instead filled the role with humanity. He made a character who had comparatively little screen-time seem like a real person. I hope the real Lewis Nixon is toasting him with a tumbler of Vat 69, wherever he is.

      --
      These comments and opinions are mine and mine alone, although they shouldn't be.
    2. Re:Cultural Icon by orion67 · · Score: 1

      It's difficult to understand why conformity is so widely enforced, in spite of a number of examples of how unnecessary it is for corporate profits.

      One shining example would be Southwest Airlines. They are the only major US airline who has recently shown a profit. They have never had mass layoffs. A visit to their offices shows that people are actively encouraged by the corp. culture to express their individuality. The first time I was in their office I wondered if they sponsored contests for how wild you could make a cube or office look with decorations and other expressive items.

      Who can say how much or how little the corporate culture contributes to the success of the business? It's the chicken vs. the egg, which came first and is it even a causal relationship? But I can say from my observations that it sure makes for a fun place to work, which doesn't suck.

      And, no one ever gets bitched out for failing to complete their TPS reports.

    3. Re:Cultural Icon by superflippy · · Score: 1

      Even where modern business allows disorder, it cannot be individually expressive disorder

      How true that is. When the .com I formerly worked for moved into its snazzy new offices, the creative dept. brought its chair collection. Lovingly collected by one of the art directors, these unusual chairs were artistic, interesting, and some were even worth quite a bit. I remember a red velvet one, a white melamine butterfly-shaped one... We thought they went fine with the modern steel, brick, and neon design in the new office.

      Unfortunately, someone in management decreed that our cool chairs were not part of the officially sanctioned concept of "hip". A decree was issued: Only company-purchased Aeron chairs may be visible in the office. Our chairs had been sent packing. A year later, so were the employees.

      --
      Your fantasies contain the seeds of important concepts.
    4. Re:Cultural Icon by The+Cat · · Score: 2

      it must be carefully regimented and designed to communicate the corporate message, not a personal one.

      Because middle management isn't interested in productivity or the happiness/accomplishments of their employees. ALL that matters is every other Friday. Period.

    5. Re:Cultural Icon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Houlihans type restaurant

      I thought it was a takeoff on TGIFridays... I'm shocked.

    6. Re:Cultural Icon by ElectricRook · · Score: 1

      If you liked "Office Space" you might want to checkout "The Loved One" with Robert Morse. http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/TheLovedOne-101285 5/preview.php

      --
      - High Tech workers, please say NO to Union Carpenters, their Union sees fit to control our compensation.
    7. Re:Cultural Icon by Pig+Hogger · · Score: 2
      On the subject of red staplers, why has the post WWII workplace insisted on mono-color conformity? It seems almost a conspiracy to ensure that office workers be isolated from as much visual stimulation as possible.
      Puritanism. Anglo-saxon puritanism here is the keyword.

      Colour means fantasy, free expression, fun and whatnot. Definitely not things you'd want to see within an office where you're supposed to work your ass off for the shareholders.

    8. Re:Cultural Icon by Art+Tatum · · Score: 2
      On the subject of red staplers, why has the post WWII workplace insisted on mono-color conformity?

      Errr, so the pre-WWII workplace insisted on multicolored objects?

    9. Re:Cultural Icon by SN74S181 · · Score: 1, Offtopic

      Mono-color means fewer varieties of items to stock. It means color coordination doesn't have to be a concern when outfitting a new cubicle. It saves money.

      Occam's Razor and all that.

    10. Re:Cultural Icon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Don't interfere. He has complex theories to propose. You'll deprive all kinds of social 'scientists' of their thesis topics and their grant money. Meanie.

    11. Re:Cultural Icon by gsfprez · · Score: 5, Insightful

      > individuality and color can't help but improve
      > the condiditon of those who must exist in that
      > environment from day to day.

      Wait..

      how could this get a Score of 4? When Apple did this - they got beaten about the head and neck on slashdot.

      this place makes no sense sometimes.

      --
      guns kill people like spoons make Rosie O'Donnell fat.
    12. Re:Cultural Icon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Next time, when posting anonymously, don't sign your message.

    13. Re:Cultural Icon by forkboy · · Score: 2

      It's because they charge fat people for 2 seats...all that extra loot is keeping their profit margin nice and high.

      --
      This message brought to you by the Council of People Who Are Sick of Seeing More People.
    14. Re:Cultural Icon by eviltwinimposter · · Score: 2, Funny

      The Onion:

      Apple Employee Fired For Thinking Different CUPERTINO, CA--
      Brent Barlow, 27, a software analyst and beta-tester at Apple Computer headquarters in Cupertino, was fired Monday for "thinking a little too different." Full Text

    15. Re:Cultural Icon by IronChef · · Score: 1


      I knew a guy who worked at a place where the interior designers had control over what was on your desk.

      You couldn't have anything on your desk but your computer. No papers, no nothing.

      I'm sure it looked swell.

    16. Re:Cultural Icon by danox · · Score: 2

      It makes no sense becasue you are attempting to view slashdot as an entity in and of iteself, rather than a large collection of individuals. If you read through the parent poster's previous posts (not a bad tounge twister, that) as well as those of his moderators, I doubt you will find these individuals bashing apples choice of bright colours. If you think of slashdot as a large collections of free-thinking individuals, you will be relieved of the apparent distress that you seem to be suffering from reading different points of view in one place.

      --
      "Me and my girl named bimbo . . . limbo . . . spam" - Captain Beefheart.
    17. Re:Cultural Icon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I got sick of it, so I modified my office somewhat...

      Anime calender over the desk, J-Pop calendar on the wall, some large framed movie posters, nice desk, logitech cordless desktop, some decent altec lansing speakers with subwoofer, a nice stapler :), and a procession of cute girls on my screensaver (which someone apparently griped about as being not PC, but to heck with 'em).

      And of course...

      A webcam monitoring the place, to make sure that anyone who screws with my stuff will get caught.

    18. Re:Cultural Icon by ceejayoz · · Score: 2

      red staplers ... post WWII workplace ...

      There's your answer - those damned commie staplers!

    19. Re:Cultural Icon by jkirby · · Score: 1

      Sorry dude, I suspect many of us own the movie on DVD.

      --
      Jamey Kirby
    20. Re:Cultural Icon by TheOnlyCoolTim · · Score: 2

      hey - if you're such a goddamn lardass that you need to sit in TWO seats, you pay for TWO seats.

      Tim

      --
      Omnia vestra castrorum habetur nobis.
    21. Re:Cultural Icon by TheOnlyCoolTim · · Score: 2

      Individuality is modding, painting, or putting stickers on your case.

      Apple's "non-conformity" is just a marketing gimmick which to a great extent actually capitalized on conformity.

      Tim

      --
      Omnia vestra castrorum habetur nobis.
    22. Re:Cultural Icon by SmittyTheBold · · Score: 1

      Your .sig appears to be a slight mis-quote (or slight embellishment, whatever) but that's one of my favorite short stories ;)

      --
      ± 29 dB
    23. Re:Cultural Icon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      That's discrimination. If you're such a nigger that you speak like you're from Compton then stay out of my neighborhood. Same thing. I fucking hate losers that pick on overweight people. The "average" person in this country IS overweight so why is that even considered overweight? Fucking lame ass little stick people that's why.

    24. Re:Cultural Icon by IxnayOnTheIxnay · · Score: 4, Funny

      Errr, so the pre-WWII workplace insisted on multicolored objects?

      Seeing as color wasn't invented until the late 1930's, how could it?

    25. Re:Cultural Icon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Yeah but the average person isn't so goddam overweight that they need two seats. And don't say it's genetic. If you were 300 pounds at the age of 13 you can use that excuse.

      I have a good friend who has been overweight (he is about 350 pounds right now) his whole life and is 26. He is trying his damnedest to lose weight because he just had a kid and doesn't want his son to lose his father by the time he is 15.

      Majority of fat people is lack of exercise and sitting on their asses eating doritos. Don't want your kids to be fat get them the fuck out and play outside.

    26. Re:Cultural Icon by cr@ckwhore · · Score: 2

      I agree! In my case, I work in a color deprived office I lovingly refer to as "prison". The entire office is 1 single color!! I'm not kidding either... walls are gray, ceiling is gray, carpet is gray, desks are gray, cubicles are gray, computers are gray... even the doors are gray. If there was ever a color known to suck the life out of man, its gray.

      I think my boss (gray haired staunch old guy) has an office fetish. He has an unhealthy love for the fax machine, and is definetely into conformity. Shirt and tie all day long, and this isn't even a public place!!

      I don't have my own stapler. But they did allow me some scotch tape (gray) and a gray mousepad.

      I think office space means a lot to those of us that live it!

      --
      Skiers and Riders -- http://www.snowjournal.com
    27. Re:Cultural Icon by ZaMoose · · Score: 3, Funny

      Here's the funny thing about Livingston's Band of Brothers performance. I heard an interview with him on a Philly radio station and he commented that after the first few episodes of BoB aired, his agent started getting calls from scouts asking "Wow, Rob was great in Band of Brothers. But can he do comedies?"

      Heh.

      --
      I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep Dracula and Superman away.
    28. Re:Cultural Icon by Covener · · Score: 1

      > I may be one of five buyers of the (poorly produced) DVD

      Everyone and their mother owns the office space dvd. Where do delusions like this come from? It's not exactly an obscure movie.

    29. Re:Cultural Icon by Covener · · Score: 1

      He also performed quite admirably in swingers, although he had more of a straight-man role there.

    30. Re:Cultural Icon by ZaMoose · · Score: 1

      See, the funny thing(s) about that quote were 1) his name is Ron, not Rob and 2) he's done primarily dark-ish comedies prior to BoB, thusly illustrating talent scouts' unwillingness to actually research potential finds.

      Awww, nevermind.

      *grin*

      --
      I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep Dracula and Superman away.
    31. Re:Cultural Icon by Covener · · Score: 1

      Does he really have that large of a record of work to slam the scouts?

      Aside from what some whould call a lackluster character (Rob, the one who goes out for Goofy) in Swingers, he doesn't seem to have all that much 'dark comedy' to his resume.

    32. Re:Cultural Icon by cdub · · Score: 1

      > On the subject of red staplers, why has the post WWII workplace insisted on mono-color conformity?
      I'm a little out of my league here but I believe there was a movement during early-mid last century in this direction. It was felt that uniformity/conformity was more democratic and free of class distinctions. That's why you'll see rows and rows of houses that look identical. (There's a mass-production thing going on there too, but that's a different story.)
      You could be richer or poorer than your neighbor but it wouldn't matter because you lived in the same place.

    33. Re:Cultural Icon by HBergeron · · Score: 1

      The Victorian and post victorian office (as opposed to factory or farm, entirely different issues) was more closely related to the home (specifically sitting rooms and entertaining spaces) then to the modern antiseptic workplace.

      While this is partially attributable to materials (wood furniture rather then metal which became more practical after WW2) and other design changes (blinds vs. draperies, industrial vs. traditional carpeting) the fact is that even the most official spaces (government offices) or cutting edge industries (the automakers of the time) had office suites that more closely resembled an entertaining space then a modern office.

      Many of the dystopian visions of the 30's had office spaces being converted into a regimented facsimile of the factory floor (not too unlike todays cubical farms - this was a vision of a dark future, not an indication of the present. The the mass secretarial pools needed to run the WWII war effort may be the point of origin for the modern office space, as they introduced metrics of efficiency and hourly productivity to what had been a "professional" occupation.

      --
      THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal...
    34. Re:Cultural Icon by sharkey · · Score: 2

      On the subject of red staplers, why has the post WWII workplace insisted on mono-color conformity? It seems almost a conspiracy to ensure that office workers be isolated from as much visual stimulation as possible.

      Skinner: "Uh, oh. Two Independent Thought Alarms in one day. The employees are overstimulated. Willie! Remove all the colored staplers from the cubicles."
      Willie: "I warned ya! Didn't I warn ya?! Those colored staplers were forged by Lucifer himself!"

      --

      --
      "Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
    35. Re:Cultural Icon by HBergeron · · Score: 1

      somebody mod this guy up at least informative +1, this is exactly the point - it doesn't have to be grey grey grey out there, and only a sadist would fail to care about its' effect on the people who must live that way day in, day out.

      --
      THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal...
    36. Re:Cultural Icon by HBergeron · · Score: 1

      don't mess with mans sig. Yeah, its a paraphrase (hence the ... ... as the entire quote wouldn't fit as a sig and (I think) the shortend version communicates the same thought - and hopefully encourages people to seek out and read the story.

      --
      THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal...
    37. Re:Cultural Icon by HBergeron · · Score: 1

      A great dark comedy flick, particularly for those who think that the old comics (winters and berle) only did broad, popular comedy.

      Look at the cast:

      Jonathan Winters
      Milton Berle
      John Gielgud
      James Coburn
      Liberace
      Roddy McDowall

      Just the idea of a movie including all of these guys is funny.

      --
      THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal...
    38. Re:Cultural Icon by Mononoke · · Score: 1
      One shining example would be Southwest Airlines. They are the only major US airline who has recently shown a profit. They have never had mass layoffs. A visit to their offices shows that people are actively encouraged by the corp. culture to express their individuality. The first time I was in their office I wondered if they sponsored contests for how wild you could make a cube or office look with decorations and other expressive items.
      Here's why SWA is so successful:
      Herb Kelleher is probably the best known example of a CEO (Southwest Airlines) who insists on hiring employees with a good sense of humor. In filling any position, says Kelleher, "what we are looking for, first and foremost, is a sense of humor . . . We don't care much about education and expertise, because we can train people . . . We hire attitudes." In fact, during job interviews, job candidates are specifically asked to give an example of how they're recently used their sense of humor on the job, and how they've "used humor to defuse a difficult situation." This approach has helped make Southwest Airlines the most successful airline in the country. Employees love working for Southwest, and do whatever it takes to sustain high levels of performance and quality service. And they have fun in he process! If it works for Southwest, it can also work for you.
      I've met the man and he's just as silly as the flight attendents that sing the safety rules to you. He deserves every penny he's made with that company.

      --
      NetInfo connection failed for server 127.0.0.1/local
    39. Re:Cultural Icon by ronfar · · Score: 1
      The dot com bust has given added credence to those who actually advocate this kind of enforced conformity - they point to a free form, more open dot com workplaces as a symptom or cause of the crash, and are using it to crush any new proposal to create a more humanized, comfortable workplace.
      Well, see when I worked at a dot.com startup, the problems they had were caused by fraud on the part of some unscrupulous characters we had working in upper management. Those people were eventually fired (well, eased out with sweet deals), but the damage was done.

      I said it to my boss, many times while I was there. "The problem is, you can't treat investment as income."

      The reality is the dot.com crash should be brought into perspective now that the same sloppy accounting that caused it is bringing down the big guys. (The biggest gripe people have about Enron is what happened to people's investment in their 401Ks. Treating investment as income again.)

      Oh, and you should also try reading William Whyte's The Organization Man, it helps bring modern corporate life into perspective, even though it is an old book.

      --
      All the creatures will die, And all the things will be broken. That's the law of samurai. (Jubai, 1605)
    40. Re:Cultural Icon by mjamil · · Score: 1

      Hello! Given your praise of Ron Livingstone, you would be happy to know that he's been getting some good work. He was on the superb miniseries that HBO produced based on Stephen Ambrose's "Band of Brothers." He also joined (and still may be on; haven't checked recently) ABC's "The Practice."

    41. Re:Cultural Icon by metachimp · · Score: 1
      That makes sense. If you've never flown Southwest, it's totally different than any other airline I've seen. The fligh crews wear regular clothes (it's still a uniform, but it's like polo shirts, and regular pants or shorts), instead of the bizarre outfits other airlines put their flight crews in. The flight attendants are constantly joking, sometimes they play little games with the passengers, and in-flight announcements are sometimes hilarious. My favorite being after a rather bumpy landing, the flight attendant got on the horn to do the usual post-landing shpiel, ad-libbed: "Please remain in your seats and keep your seatbelts fastened until after captain kangaroo bounces us into the gate..."

      No wonder Southwest is doing so well.

      --
      The system has failed you, don't fail yourself. --Billy Bragg
    42. Re:Cultural Icon by Mercuria · · Score: 1

      Small world. I know a guy who was on the same flight as you were. Unless it was less of an ad-lib than you (and he) were thinking, and commonly said by Southwest pilots after bumpy landings. Not that I'm saying the comment loses much charm if it wasn't ad-lib.

    43. Re:Cultural Icon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      The entire office is 1 single color!! I'm not kidding either... walls are gray, ceiling is gray, carpet is gray, desks are gray, cubicles are gray, computers are gray... even the doors are gray. If there was ever a color known to suck the life out of man, its gray.

      Tell it to someone who's been in the Navy. A long time ago, I read a humorous blurb in Reader's Digest's "Humor in Uniform" section that went something like this:

      After a long and illustrious career as a Navy officer, the following were noted as the top items on his list of things to do in retirement:
      1. Repaint all gray objects in house and garage.

      2. Trade in car for one that has no gray anywhere in interior. (Make sure trunk carpeting is some other color.)
      In spite of the jokes, in some bizarre ways I kind of miss the rigid uniformity of the Aerospace/Defence industry I started in, where everyone had identical metal furniture (unless you were a VP or above, in which case you got wood), labor grade 25 was entitled to a 2-drawer file cabinet bedide the desk, 27's got the coveted reference table behind the desk, 29's (managers) got *a cubicle*, and Dirctors (31?) got a "cubicle office" with extra file space, a nice company-issue plant, and a small round conference table. It had the advantage of letting you know instantly how much pull anyone had in the organization.
    44. Re:Cultural Icon by HBergeron · · Score: 1

      Must.....resist....urge.....to.....keep......respo nding.....to.....this......thread.....arghhhh

      Yes, I saw him on BoB, thought it was spectacular work, showing the human side of a soldier driven to alcohol by what he has seen and lived through. Much easier to just play the drunk (as mentioned above.) On the other hand, I think his work on the Practice is borderline catatonic - but so is the writing so I'm not really sure it's fair to blame him. What the man truly does well is subversive - in his look, his attitude and his tone - a good agent should be able to find him roles where that could really shine. Heck, he's one of the few actors I can think of who could have carried off DeNiro's character part in Brazil

      Re. the post just above this on, The Organization Man is INDESPENSIBLE reading for anyone who wants to understand the culture we live in today. It lays out the genesis of the modern capitalist culture from a individual and organizational level. The problem is what innovation will ever see this model change? It could be the foundation for our culture for a good long time.

      BTW - I am very pro-capitalism, but one cannot look at life within the current corporate structure and think this is good for society long-term IMO.

      --
      THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal...
    45. Re:Cultural Icon by kin_korn_karn · · Score: 2

      Frontier Airlines is quite the same. While getting the safety briefing the attendant said something like "please remain in your seats and pretend to listen to us while we do this pointless exercise in showing you how a seat belt works."

      they might be part of Southwest, I dunno.

    46. Re:Cultural Icon by fockewulf · · Score: 1

      oh! really.... people have been using pigments from trees and animals to colour stuff from ages.
      1930 is a little too recent in that sense don't you think :)

    47. Re:Cultural Icon by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "You are all individuals!"
      "We are all individuals!"
      "...I'm not!"
      "Shhhhh"

    48. Re:Cultural Icon by magnified_plaid · · Score: 1

      Southwest's corprate culture is a direct result of Herb, the founder, former ceo (I think), and sometimes company picnic elvis impersonator.

      --
      Semper Ubi Sub Ubi
  37. Our DBA talks like Milton by oingoboingo · · Score: 1

    Slightly offtopic, but our Indian DB2 administrator speaks with an accept which has an uncanny resemblance to the mumbling, rambling style of Milton (ie: the Swingline stapler guy). I have visited his desk many times, but have never noticed a red Swingline stapler anywhere. This new product may give him all he needs to complete his full transition to Milton (except that he's Indian, doesn't wear glasses, and doesn't have any facial hair).

    1. Re:Our DBA talks like Milton by oingoboingo · · Score: 1

      Bah, I meant 'accent', not 'accept'. Now I'm just as bad as Milton.

    2. Re:Our DBA talks like Milton by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      yeah. it'll take awhile before compilers do though.

  38. **���'s in eyes moment** by The_Guv'na · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...merely twice the price of a plain black stapler...

    /me runs off to buy black staplers and red paint.

    --
    Ph33r m3!!!
    1. Re:**���'s in eyes moment** by Roosey · · Score: 1

      Hey, people made a fair bit of money spray-painting ordinary black staplers red. Quoth the article:

      When real-life Miltons found out they couldn't buy one from the manufacturer, they simply made their own, creating a thriving market on eBay for Swinglines spray-painted red.

      I wonder if Boston will make a red stapler... :]

    2. Re:**���'s in eyes moment** by Bouncings · · Score: 2
      I wonder if Boston will make a red stapler... :]
      I believe you have my stapler? You see, we used to have swingline staplers but then we switched to Boston staplers but I prefer the Swingline staplers because they came up less and ... I'm going to blow up the building.
      --
      -- Ken Kinder ken@_nospam_kenkinder.com http://kenkinder.com/
  39. Who....... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    cares?

  40. Whoop-dee-shit. by Mulletproof · · Score: 0, Funny

    Yeah, and my new Martha Stewart Signature Mug has a big cult following too, but somehow i doubt such a worthy item will see the light of slashdot day.

    Staplers, people. It's a frickin' story on a STAPLER. I don't care how interesting the design is or how much of a cult following it has. IT'S A STAPLER!!! Oh, that's right... It has wireless LAN access and a 30 Terabyte disk, right? Imagine a beowolf cluster of these!!!

    Flame it, troll it, overrate it or mark it redundant, but damn, what a waste of news space.

    --
    You need a FREE iPod Nano
    1. Re:Whoop-dee-shit. by Arctech · · Score: 3, Insightful

      You were looking for actual news?
      Man, has someone ever lost his way...

    2. Re:Whoop-dee-shit. by Gaetano · · Score: 1

      Its news for Nerds man! Stuff that matters!

      To me this matters. I have wanted one of these for a long time. This is the most important post to me all day.

      Where else am I going to hear about this? Right here. That's where.I'm a pathetic Nerd and I want my stapler.

      And since links are being slashdoted right now I suspect it matters to other people too. And since you bothered to post, I bet it matters to you.

    3. Re:Whoop-dee-shit. by ChuyMatt · · Score: 1

      Hm... are you familiar with Monty Python? well.. if you arn't, they are (were rather) a wonderful troop of british comedians. In the beginning of their show there is a part of the intro that has a foot, the one pictured above, smashing the item in the center of the screen.

      this use of their foot is to indicate that is is supposed to be FUNNY, IDIOT!!! now. quit your whining about something that you should have expected when you cliked on the link.

      thank you.

    4. Re:Whoop-dee-shit. by millette · · Score: 1

      And I've bothered to reply. Don't mind me. It doesn't matter.

    5. Re:Whoop-dee-shit. by Eil · · Score: 2


      Flame it, troll it, overrate it or mark it redundant, but damn, what a waste of news space. ...Yet you find it necessary to read it anyway and even post a comment. Funny, that.

    6. Re:Whoop-dee-shit. by LadyJessica · · Score: 1

      It's a frickin' story on a STAPLER.

      What's funny is that at first I would've agreed with you, but then I looked at that stapler site and got hooked. I saw the light. I realized that staplers are special. It's something intangible, the magic of mundane technology.

      Then something weird happened. I remembered that I had a stapler that my father gave me when I was little and it was old when he gave it to me. I looked for it in my apartment and sure enough I found it. According to the engraving it's a Bates 88P Hand-Grip Stapler. I think it's almost 40 years old--please someone correct me if I'm wrong.

      It's one of the few things I've kept with me for a really long time. It works great and never jams. I spend a lot of time on a computer, but it's fun to use old technology, too.

      Isn't that bizarre? What is it with staplers, and not, say, hole punches or paper cutters? :-)

      -- LadyJessica

      Am I the only female Slashdot poster?

      --

      -- Jessica
      The mutant geek grrl from Hell.

    7. Re:Whoop-dee-shit. by CProgrammer98 · · Score: 2

      I have a red stapler and a red hole punch. Whooopdeee indeed.

      I'm shaking my head in amazement that this made it to the front page. Obviously it's far mroe important than say, oh, I dunno, how about Gnutella developer shooting himself. Nah, that's not important at all...

      --
      And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour Isaiah 3:5
    8. Re:Whoop-dee-shit. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      I'm shaking my head in amazement that this made it to the front page. Obviously it's far mroe important than say, oh, I dunno, how about Gnutella developer shooting himself [gnutella.com]. Nah, that's not important at all...

      What amazes me is that you think a suicide is important news for nerds - clue: who cares? - but you think a fucking funny reality-mimics-fantasy event about a hugely popular and very long running joke about red staplers isn't worthy. Seems to me you're a boring twit. Fuck off to kuro5hin with all the other posers.

    9. Re:Whoop-dee-shit. by k2enemy · · Score: 2, Interesting
      Staplers, people. It's a frickin' story on a STAPLER.

      slashdot is a forum for discussion. the story is about a stapler, but it was posted because it gives people a chance to talk about a great movie and corporate culture.

      reading through the comments, i don't see many that are just about staplers, but many many funny and insightful comments about the workplace.

  41. manual stapler?! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    who the hell uses manual staplers? it's 2003 almost morons

  42. How to listen to the stories that cats tell us by TrollBurger · · Score: -1
    How to listen to the stories that cats tell us

    (idea) by mutant (2 mon) (print)
    ?
    6 C!s
    Fri Oct 06 2000 at 20:27:43



    THE CALICO CAT

    Sam adopted me in 1988 or so. At the time she was living in the lot behind the building that I lived in, and I started feeding her.

    At the time she was pretty messed up, apparently having been living on the street for an entire New York winter before I met her. After I saw how totally fucked the animal was I snatched her with the idea of first taking her to a vet, and then finding her a home. For some reason I just didn't see myself keeping her.

    But it didn't work out that way, and we were together over ten years later. I'm a loner by nature; I really don't like to hang out with lots of people, preferring to write stories, make art, sling code and play my fucking CDs LOUD!

    So the cat and I spent a lot of time together, and it was during that time I learned Sam's story. Of course since she could only speak to me by purring, scratching, pissing, biting, meowing, kneading and playing, I had to piece her story together and that took time.

    But it soon became very clear to me.

    At one time she'd an owner; that's why she didn't resist when I first put a flea collar on her. The owner had been abusive; that's why when I first got her if you moved too fast to pick her up she'd flinch as if you were going to strike her. More evidence of abuse was the permanent limp this young animal had in her right rear leg. It was clear to me her last owner had been a real class act.

    And she'd probably just had enough shit from her last owner to get the hell out as soon as she got the chance; I soon learned that this was one stubborn animal, and I easily could see her doing something like that.

    She'd been poorly fed while she lived with this idiot; that's why she always wolfed down any and all food put in front of her. Given enough food, she'd eat until she puked and then would eat more. This was a habit she didn't lose until many years later.

    Her previous owner didn't care enough for her (and for cats in general, for that matter) to get her fixed. When she adopted me she was very pregnant, and in fact had three healthy kittens a couple of months later.

    Sam was great company, I taught her lots of tricks, and her and I got along real well. In fact if it wasn't for my job, her and I would probably still be together.

    I work for a German Investment Bank, and began spending a lot of time in London starting in 1996. At first I'd be over for the odd week - no big deal.

    But as time went on I got more and more wrapped up in a project over here, and that culminated with the summer of 1997 when I made 27 round trips between New York and London in about five months.

    All that transatlantic travel might sound exotic, but when it's a weekly thing it sucks. Big time.

    I was always jetlagged, I would wake up at night not knowing where I was, my girlfriend was more than a little put off by my absence, and worst of all Sam would spend a lot of time ignoring me when I was in New York.

    The cat - my companion of almost ten years - would sit with her back to me, refusing to acknowledge my existence when I first returned home from a trip. She wanted me to apologise. She didn't like being alone. She was unhappy. And I didn't like that.

    I told my boss I'd had enough, and that I wanted to be reassigned to New York based project. He countered with "Well I need someone in London and you're already there - how about this ex-pat offer to relocate?" The wily bastard already had the contract written up.

    I looked over the offer, and thinking I was being slick ("I'd make myself too expensive!") bumped the numbers up a fair amount. He took a quick look and said "Ok". Now I had a problem.

    I knew enough about the firm and Investment Banking in general to realise that I was in an awkward position. It was either move to London or find another job.

    I had three immediate concerns, and in this order; my cat, my girlfriend and my flat.

    I could tell the girlfriend and she already knew this was a possibility, and the flat presented no problem at all as the landlady hated my guts anyway. But Sam was a big problem.

    There was absolutely no way I was going to be able to tell her, to make her understand. The poor animal already had a rough life before I'd met her, and now she was going to lose her home and companion. So I did the best thing I could for her - I set out to find her the best possible home.

    Now as it turns out my girlfriend knew a guy who had relocated from Wisconsin about six months earlier. Growing up on a dairy farm he was accustomed to having cats around, and it just so happened that he was in the market for a pet.

    I met with him briefly and Sam interviewed him at length (sniff, sniff, rub, rub). He made his mind up on the spot and I agreed to let him take her when I left New York in early January 1998, roughly eight weeks away.

    Perfect! That was a load off my mind!

    THE WHITE CAT

    About five weeks later I was preparing to leave the United States. The bank gave me time off to take care of personal business, so I spent my days carefully packing stuff away and preparing shipping manifests. My evenings were spent at a family owned restaurant I that I'd frequented over years.

    I'd lived on the Lower East Side for about twelve years. I'd owned two art galleries, published a few underground magazines (Hype) and just hung out; I knew lots of folks there. One of my favourite places to eat and drink was a little restaurant owned by a Dominican family on the corner of Ludlow and Stanton, El Sombrero.

    I knew the entire extended family and they were wonderful people; they encouraged and corrected my broken Spanish and I'd watched their kids grow up. They called me "Seis seis seis" after the 666 on the front of my cap, and I generally felt at home there.

    I spent a lot of time there my last few weeks in New York, drinking margaritas and saying goodbye to friends.

    The latter part of December that year was really frigid. I grew up in rural Western New York state, and have a high tolerance for the cold but it was even getting to me. I was even wearing gloves, and that's something I almost never did while living in Manhattan.

    One evening I'd been at Sombrero until late and was coming home. It was probably 20F out, with a brisk wind so I was in a hurry to get back to my flat and my cat. We didn't have too many more nights together.

    I was passing a parking lot when I saw a flash of white moving against the chicken wire fence. "What the hell was thought?" I thought. I stopped to take a closer look, and didn't see anything so I moved on. I saw it again.

    "That can't be a cat?!??" I thought to myself. But it was.

    He was a really tiny little white kitten, maybe six months old and he rushed up against the fence and stood up on his hind legs looking right at me

    "Wheeeew" he squealed, a very un cat-like sound. "wheewwwww" he was almost yowling. Its hard to describe, but it was a very unsettling sound.

    "Hey kitty" I greeted him, approaching the fence. I poked my gloved fingertip through the chicken wire, and he rubbed his cheek against it.

    "Wheew" His yellow eyes looked at me intently. "Shit!" I remember thinking to myself. I looked around but all I saw was a parking lot full of folks hurrying to and from cars. It was fucking cold.

    All of a sudden he rushed away from me to some other people who stopped to pet him. "I think he's a stray" I shouted over to them.

    They stood up and hurried off. The kitty ran back to me and rubbed his face against my finger again. Then he was off to some other folks.

    "Get the fuck away cat!" one shouted, as the little kitty stood up on his hind legs, patting desperately at their calf's. One kicked at him roughly, and laughing, they were on their way.

    He rushed back to me. This entire situation sucked. I was freezing my ass off, I was leaving the United States permanently in less than three weeks time and I had a cat at home. Fuck! But I knew what had to be done.

    Removing my gloves, I took a Leatherman pocket tool from its sheath, and using the pliers I slowly created a small hole through the chicken wire. The little white kitty watched intently, and when I was finished slipped right out without prompting. He instantly began patting my legs as I knelt at the fence. Opening my jacket, I slipped the cat inside, zipped it up and stood up.

    He settled back against my chest and I headed home. As I crossed the streets I swear could feel the little guy shaking; as cold as I'd been I guess with his smaller mass he felt it even more.

    I got home and all hell broke loose!

    I believe that I forgot to mention that Sam, perhaps because of her background as a stray, was insanely jealous of other cats. I deposited the little guy in my bathroom and closed the door. It was pretty small - just a toilet, a heater and a shower, but it would be enough room for him. All this time Sam stayed about ten feet away from the bathroom door, hissing and loudly yowling constantly.

    I hoped she would get tired of it soon because it was not pleasant to listen to.

    I grabbed some old t-shirts and filled a bowl with water. I went back in the bathroom and dropped the shirts under the heater, making a crude bed for him. I put the water bowl in the shower, and came out to get him some grub.

    The household rule for Sam was "dry food all the time, canned food as a treat once a week", and I didn't see any reason to treat him better. So I made him a large bowl of dry food, maybe as much as Sam would eat in one day.

    I took food into the bathroom, and by that time he'd finished the water!

    He probably smelled what was in the bowl because he began pawing at my calves. I put the food down and he started crunching away. I gave him another bowl of water, brought in a shoe box filled with kitty litter, and sat on the john as I watched him eat and drink.

    About five minutes later he came up to me, and pawed at my calves. "What's your story?" I asked him softly as we looked into each others eyes.

    He was a beautiful animal, mostly white with a pink little nose and bright yellow eyes. He had a patch of black fur on his chest that caught your attention, but it was those eyes that really captured you.

    He would look intently at you, all the time making his high pitched "Wheewww", although over time he relaxed and emitted more cat like noises.

    I telephoned my girlfriend, who lived three blocks away. She came over and was simply stunned by this guys beauty. We both resolved to either find this guys owner, or a home for him as soon as possible.

    Over the days that followed, in between packing, changing mail addresses, closing bank accounts, on and on and on with the petty bullshit details involved in rebooting an adult American life in Europe I took care of my number one priority: the Little White Cat.

    Even though I walked carefully through the neighbourhood, I never saw a missing cat sign for this animal. And since my own time was running out, I immediately changed goals and started trying to find a home for the little guy.

    But that wasn't easy.

    Bid-A-Wee, Being Kind and all the other humane organisations that my girlfriend and I could think of were full, and couldn't take in another animal. My girlfriend already had two cats, and they were far more territorial than Sam; she couldn't give him a home, even for a short time.

    This was beginning to be a problem.

    And worse, even though Sam hated my guts now, the Little White Cat was rapidly bonding with me.

    He followed me around my flat, and was generally in my way all of the time.

    He'd found an old pair of my socks and refused to give them up, carrying them around the flat in his mouth. Even though I took the socks away from him twice, each time he found them again. I finally just gave up and let him keep them.

    He slept with me, almost on my head, and if I rose in the middle of the night to use the bathroom would accompany me back and forth. He was quite a nice animal.

    Every evening while I wrote he would climb into my lap and demand to be petted. He'd fix those yellow eyes on mine and while he purred I'd ask him "What's your story?".

    And being a cat he answered me the only way he could.

    This little kitty was bold and brash and really adventurous. He wasn't afraid of anything, and Sam quickly learned not to mess with him. Even though she was three times his size, the first time she swung at him was the last. He jumped right at her, yowling and hissing and she fled in about two seconds.

    Poor Sam! I really felt sorry for her but it was an impressive display from the little guy, I laughed out loud!

    And one day I left the flat door open too long. Now Sam would NEVER go outside; being a stray, she had a horrendous fear of not being in her space. In fact when people didn't believe me about this, I'd take Sam out in the hallway and set her down. She ALWAYS beat me back to the flat, her nails desperately scratching against the floor as she ran.

    But the Little White Cat was different. I left the door open too long once while I swept the flat and quick as a flash he was gone! Out in the hallway. Down the stairs. Moving like a little white blur. Faster and faster.

    I couldn't believe how quickly he moved, and it was difficult for me to sprint down the stairs fast enough to catch him. Him and I were both lucky that nobody had come through the street doors into the building, else he probably would have fled outside.

    It was then that I knew : he hadn't been mistreated, but he'd unwisely escaped. Unlike Sam, this guy probably had a good owner, someone who cared for him but he'd gotten out somehow. This was his story; as far as I could see, there was no other explanation.

    In any case, I was down to about one week left in the US. Time was running out. I had one last hope, Roger, an Arab guy who ran a string of businesses on first avenue, including a Deli (Rogers Gardens) and a Pet Store (Animal Crackers).

    I explained the situation to Roger, and he readily agreed to help me find the little guy a home. I returned home and without much trouble got the little guy in my cat carrier. He was alright until I hit the streets and then he started to yowl.

    I can't tell you how bad I felt. I sensed that somehow he knew I was removing him from the home he'd made. This sucked.

    I took him to the pet store over on the east side corner of first avenue and second street, and we put him in a back room. The little guy desperately tried to follow me when we shut the door, and I heard him wailing. This fucking sucked.

    I went back to the front of the shop with Roger, and slowly started picking up cat food and other stuff. I'd promised Sam's new owner a bunch of supplies, and was preparing a package for him. She was leaving me tomorrow.

    Roger rang up my order and this older rocker I'd seen around the neighbourhood came in.

    "Michael, how are you?" Roger greeted him. The exchanged pleasantries, and as I packed my bag Roger started his pitch.

    "You still looking for cat?" Roger asked.

    "No, I was thinking about it but I've got the dogs. I'm ok now"

    "Nice cat! Beautiful cat! At least you should look!"

    "I don't know Roger..." Michael trailed off uncertainly.

    "Come! Come!" Roger closed the cash register.

    "See `ya Roger" I departed feeling much better. I knew Roger really well.

    He had come to New York from Palestine in 1980, almost broke. Eighteen years later he owned several businesses on First Avenue, and three apartment buildings in Brooklyn. I had no doubt that this old boy could sell when he wanted to.

    I never saw the Little White Cat again, and although he comes to me in my dreams, I don't worry about him either. I know he'll be ok.

    THE TORTISE SHELL CAT

    Fast forward almost three years to October 2000, and I'm living in Camden Town, London. I don't own a cat because I've been really busy with work, and I've also been attending University over here, taking a Masters degree in Quanitative Finance.

    But I haven't missed owning a cat because it seems lots of folks let their animals roam outside here. And I make it a point to know something about all of them.

    For example, there is the Big Black Tom across the road. I see him every morning when I leave for work. An elderly woman lets him out at about 6:30AM, and he climbs up onto the garage roof. A cat can get some sun and rest way up there.

    And there is his buddy, an even larger Orange Tom. I'm not sure who owns him, but I see him and the black cat hanging out when I come home from work. They're good friends and clean each other often.

    Then there is the White Persian that lives around the corner from me.

    She is next door neighbours with a Small Black Kitten, who wears a bright red collar and even has his own cat flap.

    Something is going on with those two, since I've seen both of them using the flap. I think he invites her over for a meal. I certainly would if I were lucky enough to be a cat; she's a fine looking animal.

    And finally there is the construction site down the road. I think they've run out of money, since they've been working on it as long as I've been here and haven't made much progress. It's a mess.

    But about six weeks ago I was out seeing a show, doing a little slam dancing and its maybe one AM, a brilliant full mooned clear night here in London when I see a dark shape moving in the construction site.

    I freeze, and I see the tell-tale JUMP of a cat hunting and going in for the kill. I was curious, but didn't want to interfer so I left quietly.

    But even though its out of my way, I made it a point to go by every day from then on, and sure enough, there is a beautiful Tortoise Shell coloured cat living there.

    I've seen him during the day, and he's definitely a stray. His fur is matted, he doesn't have a collar, and he's more than a little distrustful.

    But we're making progress, and now he'll sit about ten feet away from the fence and take in the afternoon sun as I make PSST PSST PSST noises at him.

    He relaxes enough to partially close his eyes in the sunlight. I take this as a compliment.

    And no, I don't know his story yet.

    But I'm going to find out.

    Original url is http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=777740 Props to the author. Cocks to lunix users.

  43. Sheeesh by Fear+the+Clam · · Score: 1

    The site was /.ed when if first came out in the WSJ and now it's /.ed again.

    Haven't these poor people suffered enough?

  44. what I want to know is by Dr.+Awktagon · · Score: 2, Offtopic

    How come /. still hasn't posted a single article about the passing of Gene Kan, but somehow a red stapler makes it to the front page???

    ????

    1. Re:what I want to know is by SLot · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Because there isn't a story there yet?

      No. Serious.

      He killed himself - there is no known reason I've read about, no cause, no real news other than he's dead.

      Wait, lemme guess - you submitted the story, and are now all irritated that you haven't gotten your karma splash. You'd rather see the /. conspiracy theories start flying than wait to at least let the body get cold.

      I'd bet dollars to donuts that when something is known, you'll see it here.

    2. Re:what I want to know is by tomstdenis · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Because no "net pioneer" is 25 years old? I mean is any winsock hacker a pioneer?

      Seriously. Its sad to here someone killed themselves but it happens everyday. Not news and specially not /. news.

      Tom

      --
      Someday, I'll have a real sig.
    3. Re:what I want to know is by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      "Not news and specially not /. news."

      And a stapler is?? This guy is a huge reason why modern peer to peer ever took off.

      You sir are an idiot. Seriously.

    4. Re:what I want to know is by fasteddie203 · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      The article on Wired *is* titled: Quiet, Sad Death of Net Pioneer
      Can't we just keep it at that?

    5. Re:what I want to know is by josh+crawley · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      If I was everybody else,I'd stay away from threads like this. I assume that the editors feel insulted when you call "news" before they are ready to (ahem) report on it. Threads like these are great attractors for -1 Offtopic hits. Considering, at this time, he has 10 points of moderation against him. It will be more.

      (Lauging) I guess that money all of us paid to /. SUUUURE didn't give us better editors.

    6. Re:what I want to know is by Glint · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      If slashdot didn't run crap articles every so often, you would have nowhere to post your rejected submissions without being marked "offtopic."

      Offtopic: "It has nothing to do with the topic at hand, but [my story]!"

      Interesting: "Why does slashdot run a story about a stapler but not [my story]!"

      So, stop bitching.

    7. Re:what I want to know is by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      Modern peer-to-peer took off because it became possible. Any 'individual' involved was just one of the jockeys on the horse.

    8. Re:what I want to know is by millette · · Score: 0, Offtopic
      Bet you're happy you can get your red stapler, now, are we?

      Please, inform us exactly how old one has to be? Say my dad suddenly picks up a cs book and starts programming all of a sudden. He's over 60, that certainly makes him a pioneer. No matter if he's rewritting visicalc or pacman, right? Wait a second! What if my dad came up with something completely new, say, a waglo. Now that's innovative. Can I call him a pioneer? What if it's not my dad, but my son that creates this new waglo? Oh, but he's only 10 years old, hardly a pioneer, oupsy.

    9. Re:what I want to know is by millette · · Score: 1
      A memorial fund is being established in Gene's memory at the UC Berkeley College of Engineering.

      http://boingboing.net/2002_07_01_archive.html#8523 7334

      Some of us are tooking this seriously.

    10. Re:what I want to know is by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      Moderation Totals: Offtopic=5, Insightful=4, Interesting=1, Informative=1, Overrated=1, Underrated=1, Total=13

      ...and counting. Not that anyone cares.

    11. Re:what I want to know is by eclectro · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Yes, I was really disappointed by /. also on this. I think mental health is an important topic and deserves discussion. I think it would have brought to light ways that we can help and encourage those around us who are suffering from deppression.

      But as it stands, it looks like a slashdot cover-up to avoid discussing the uncomfortable.

      --
      Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
    12. Re:what I want to know is by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Well, sometimes you have to take the bad with the good. If you don't speak out about what you think is important. Who will?

    13. Re:what I want to know is by Tadghe · · Score: 2, Offtopic

      I submitted a story about this,but as usual...
      rejected in record time (2 minutes). Nice to know
      that staplers are more important than one of the
      best and brightest blowing his brains out at 25...
      but I digress......

      --
      Bugs Bunny was right.
    14. Re:what I want to know is by tomstdenis · · Score: 1

      Um, no. P2P was not Gene's invention. In fact P2P existed in limited forms already. Consider the IRC DCC file transfer [exact same idea!]

      In fact before Gnutella I used to get mp3s off of napster or IRC rooms with automated bots.

      Nothing friggin new. Again don't get me wrong. Its sad to hear of a suicide but its not news.

      --
      Someday, I'll have a real sig.
    15. Re:what I want to know is by tomstdenis · · Score: 1

      Say my dad suddenly picks up a cs book and starts programming all of a sudden.
      That is not what I meant and you know it. What I think of as a net pioneer is someone who established a part of the net [say a RFC about a protocol or algorithm] that is integral to the net today.

      Like the designers of IP are pioneers [with limited forsight...] or the developers of HTTP or FTP or etc...

      Some dork who wrote some P2P crap is not a pioneer, in fact I'd say P2P is detrimental to the cost effectiveness of the net today. Its the whole reason why ISPs are now charging more and more [to a limited degree I'd say SMTP is detrimental too but at least it has more practical uses...]

      So if I am not celebrating some horde-monger's life its because I don't appreciate what he did.

      Tom

      --
      Someday, I'll have a real sig.
  45. Why not? by Mulletproof · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    I won't pretend I read all of that, but if they can post stories on the little red stapler that could, you are well within your rights to paste a rant on the various cats of the world... Offtopic, but who cares! /. Obviously doesn't.

    --
    You need a FREE iPod Nano
    1. Re:Why not? by Horny+Smurf · · Score: -1
      you should love this then!

      We first met, of all places, in a taco place. Only a block from the university, the place was packed to the rafters with college students there for the cheap tacos and draft beer they served. I saw her walk in, her short, trim body and long light brown hair catching my eye immediately. I admired her legs, shown off by a brief miniskirt, and the firm roundness of her ass as she walked to the counter and placed her order, before returning my attention to my tacos and beer.

      The next time I noticed her, she was standing in the aisle, tray in hand, looking for a place to sit. It seemed that every table in the place was occupied. I was nearly through anyway, so, expecting her to say no, I invited her to join me at my table.

      My reward was a radiant smile as she sat across from me in the tiny booth. We introduced ourselves, and made small talk while we ate. Like me, she was a college student, and, though our majors were worlds apart, we found campus news to talk about. We were soon joking like two old friends and drinking another beer.

      The talk turned to dating, men, women, sex, parties, all the important things to college students, and the beer flowed freely. Then I stopped a joke in mid-sentence as she caught me totally off guard. A sudden sensation of pleasure made me look down to see her shapely, stocking-clad foot massaging the growing bulge in my pants. "Want to take a drive?" she asked. We left, getting into her shiny new sports car. She explained that it had been an early graduation present from her folks as she shifted smoothly through the gears. With each action of her foot on the clutch, her miniskirt rose higher and higher up her thigh, until I could clearly see the tops of her stockings and a hint of blue lace garters. Her blouse drooped open slightly between the buttons, just enough that I could tell that her bra matched the garters.

      I casually let a hand rest on her shapely thigh, just to see her reaction. To my surprise, she placed her hand on mine, drawing it slowly higher and higher up her leg, until it was high enough that it was obvious she wore no panties. Her pubic hair was long, thick and soft, and my probing fingers soon discovered that her lips were swollen and wet. She moaned softly and licked her lips as my fingers found her clit, and she downshifted, turning into a park that runs along the river.

      She pulled the car up under a railroad bridge that offered a little shade and blocked the view of her car from the road. After stopping the engine and adjusting the radio, she turned to me and we kissed, a long, wet, delicious kiss, my fingers still massaging her clit while she raked her long fingernails gently against the hard bulge in my pants.

      We finally broke the kiss, and she leaned back in her seat. Her eyes never left mine as she slowly, oh, so slowly, unbuttoned her silk blouse. Finally, she pulled it open, and I saw for the first time her gorgeous breasts, encased in a filmy blue bra. A tiny tatoo of a rose adorned the top of her left breast above the bra, and my lips found that spot, kissing and licking, as her nipples grew stiff in my palm. I pulled the bra out of the way, with her helping, and took her nipple into my mouth, sucking and gently rasping my teeth against it. She moaned, gasped, and arched her hips, pressing her perfect tit into my mouth. Suddenly, she pushed me away, pushing me back in my seat, and started to undo my jeans. I tried to help, but she just pushed my hands away, telling me with her eyes to let her do it.

      I raised my hips slightly to let her slide my jeans down past my knees, and she seemed amused at my lack of underwear. Leaning forward, her long, soft hair caressed my cock and balls for a moment, then I gasped as she slowly sucked the entire length of my raging hard-on, so gently she was barely touching it, until her nose was right up against my balls. She applied a little more pressure as she slowly slid her lips back up the length, then inhaled me again, moving onto her knees in her seat to get more comfortable. Over and over with maddening slowness her mouth travelled the length of my cock while my hand caressed her ass and pussy lips.

      She hit the lever for my seat, and I reclined fully. Soon her knees were on the headrest on either side of my head, and I was enjoying the taste and smell of her pussy as she continued to suck my swollen cock. She was as turned on as I was, I guess, because in minutes she was shuddering with orgasm, gasping and moaning around my cock while she ground her pussy into my mouth.

      She moved again, straddling me, and guided my stiff dick into her pussy. She was so tight! It was like fucking a virgin as she slid up and down on my rod. As we got closer and closer to cumming, she began to rock her hips, grinding our pubic bones together while she massaged my rock-hard cock with her incredible muscle control. Her orgasms were like a string of little firecrackers going off, each one a little bigger and a little stronger. Finally I could stand no more, and I grabbed her by the hips, arching up into her, and with a loud groan, I exploded. Her eyes fluttered shut and she came violently as my hot seed splashed against her insides, and she collapsed on my chest, her spasming pussy milking the last drops of my cum from my wilting cock.

      I never saw her again after that day, but I'll always get hard thinking of her!

    2. Re:Why not? by TrollBurger · · Score: -1

      mmmm pussy. In either feline or genital form. However, while I will happily pat either of them, i will only stick my dick in the genital form. I will not be caught fucking kittens (unless she's dressed up in a leather latex cat suit, Catwoman style) wriggle. Awwwooo!!!

  46. Sad thing is, by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    I believe on HP Laserjet 4 printers, if the paper gets jammed, PC LOAD LETTER comes up on the display.
    I of course, responded accordingly.

    Now if I could get my damn neighbor to quit yelling through the walls...

    1. Re:Sad thing is, by mabinogi · · Score: 1

      It doesn't mean it got jammed, it means that it needs more paper or that particular size.

      Though for us here in Australia...it means you forgot to set the paper size to A4....

      --
      Advanced users are users too!
    2. Re:Sad thing is, by SeanTobin · · Score: 1

      I believe the first instance of that particular error message was in the HP laserjet II series. I know the HPLJIIP had it.

      --
      Karma: SELECT `karma` FROM `users` WHERE `userid`=138474;
    3. Re:Sad thing is, by Bouncings · · Score: 2
      I wondow how much HP paid for that product placement. My guess is: the same thing Swingline paid.

      Umm, Peter! Yeah. If you could go ahead and mod this up, that'd be great.

      --
      -- Ken Kinder ken@_nospam_kenkinder.com http://kenkinder.com/
    4. Re:Sad thing is, by danielrose · · Score: 1

      IIRC the printer in the movie isn't actually a HP is it? I could be wrong tho.. Can anyone confirm that its something else?

      --
      i hate pansy republicans
    5. Re:Sad thing is, by crazymennonite · · Score: 1

      I thought it was a fax machine. I've actually seen and used the model which they destroy at the end of the movie. Typical fax machine, it sucks ;)

  47. News is for the weak. by Mulletproof · · Score: 1

    News is such a relative term here. Something interesting would have sufficed, but I guess if we're digging the bottom of the barrel, overpriced staplers will do handily.

    --
    You need a FREE iPod Nano
    1. Re:News is for the weak. by Art+Tatum · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Interesting is also a relative term. That's why you can turn off categories and editors. I suggest you go turn off the humor category right now and never have to see these stories anymore. Or you might want to go somewhere more serious. Or not. But it's of little use complaining here.

    2. Re:News is for the weak. by Joe+Tie. · · Score: 1

      I'd mod this up, but this isn't kuro5hin so I can't.

      Here's to hoping this gets hidden enough to avoid being modded done by someone with no sense of humor :)

      --
      Everything will be taken away from you.
  48. save money and be more authentic... by scaramush · · Score: 4, Informative

    According to IMDB the original stapler was just painted anyways:

    The red Swingline stapler that Milton was so afraid of having taken away was never actually manufactured by the Swingline company; it was instead painted red by a crew member in the props department. However, following the movie's success on video as a cult film, the demand for red Swingline staplers (apparently as a symbol of quiet rebellion among cubicle-bound employees) was so great that the company began to sell the red Swingline stapler on its website..

    ---

    So break out that red paint and make your own... ;)

    --
    "...you can steal my woman, but you ain't done nuthin' smart."
    1. Re:save money and be more authentic... by God!+Awful · · Score: 2

      According to IMDB [imdb.com] the original stapler was just painted anyways:

      Yeah. According to the story submission too. Or didn't you read that?

      -a

      --
      How to rationalize theft.
    2. Re:save money and be more authentic... by jarran · · Score: 1

      It is a very very sad world in which people think having a red stapler in their cubicle is a sign of rebellion.

    3. Re:save money and be more authentic... by Joe+Tie. · · Score: 1

      It's an even sadder world where it's as close as you can come to pointing out the stupidity of that system, without said system firing or blacklisting you.

      --
      Everything will be taken away from you.
    4. Re:save money and be more authentic... by IxnayOnTheIxnay · · Score: 1

      There are those miniature Swingline staplers, though. Those are red and Swingline, aren't they?

    5. Re:save money and be more authentic... by operagost · · Score: 1

      Yeesh... tot50. Don't buy one unless you never staple more than 5 sheets of paper together.

      --

      Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
    6. Re:save money and be more authentic... by Nerds · · Score: 2

      Look, my credit card is an arm's reach away, do you know how far I'd have to go to get red paint? And then how much more effort would be required to paint something, effort that could be used trying to get into sniper school in America's Army? I'll just pay the thirty bucks...

      Let's see, paint my own stapler, get my balls cut off...

      --
      My other .sig is 'The Art of Computer Programming'
  49. Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by teetam · · Score: 5, Interesting
    What I say here might be controversial, but cultural background plays a big role in the office environment.

    Ancient cultures (like China and India) tend to emphasize on hierarchy and obedience rather than questioning and innovation. When immigrant bachelor developers stay till midnight everyday and come to work on weekends, they set the same expectations on everyone else. Anyone who leaves at six because he has a life is viewed as being less of a team player. Also, important technical decisions might end up being taken outside the normal working hours.

    Things only get worse when, after a few years, these same people become managers.

    Some other symptoms are (i) dependence on individual brilliance rather than a good system and (ii) concentration of knowledge within a few individuals.

    I am not blaming anyone and certainly not all immigrant developers fit the above pattern, but there is a cultural aspect to work and I am merely pointing it out.

    BTW, I came from India three years ago.

    --
    All your favorite sites in one place!
    1. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by sean23007 · · Score: 2

      Dependence on individual brilliance is not necessarily a bad thing. A good system seems better when there's a genius working 12 hours a day on it.

      --

      Lack of eloquence does not denote lack of intelligence, though they often coincide.
    2. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by Skyshadow · · Score: 5, Informative
      Amen.

      I was one of three westerners in a Chinese office (as in, moved-from-Beijing-a-year-before) for just short of a year, and the place burned me out faster and more completely than I thought possible.

      Nobody, and I mean nobody, ever put in less than a twelve hour day, six or seven days a week. Even when there was no deadline, you were expected to be there. What was really happening was that nobody was really *working* that much, they'd just all adapted their lives around work -- they'd take long lunches and dinners, play at least an hour of ping-pong a day, have their kids would come visit at night, etc.

      As an native American (although only a fraction Native American) with (IMO) a pretty solid work ethic, I looked terrible if I left "early" or said I couldn't come in on a Sunday for whatever reason. My boss called me on it one time, and I pointed out that I *always* met my deadlines and that I applied myself at work more than any of my coworkers. From his reaction, it was clear that wasn't the point -- I wasn't showing the proper dedication, defined strictly as spending time at work.

      Anyhow, I got laid off last year after I told them I was going home to the midwest for Christmas (during a time with no pressing deadlines and using the company's posted holidays and a weekend). It took me five months to find another decent job, but not for one second did I wish I still worked there.

      --
      Every year during my review, I just pray the words "slashdot.org" aren't mentioned.
    3. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by teetam · · Score: 1
      Individual brilliance is not bad in itself - we all think we are brilliant individuals.

      But, in a work environment, individual brilliance often becomes the single point of failure. Think about it. Have you ever been in a company where only ONE person knows what goes on in a particular module? Since he is the sole owner of module X, it is never improved. Such modules tend to be poorly documented to retain that edge. All future development around that module just because he doesn't want to change it.

      Consider this analogy: we all like superman, but what would you prefer - a law enforcement system that is efficient or one that relies on Superman to come their rescue every time?

      --
      All your favorite sites in one place!
    4. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by australopithecus · · Score: 2, Insightful

      word....what im noticing here in Hong Kong is that any sort of questioning of your boss is viewed as sacrilege. i can understand how this practice came abuot, but il be damned if ill keep my mouth shut if my boss does something retarded.

    5. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by teetam · · Score: 5, Interesting
      As I said in my original post, I am an Indian who came to USA three years ago. I am so glad to see replies that have stuck with objective views.

      So let me tell you something - there are many, many Chinese and Indians who feel like you and I do. They tend to be silent because they are in a worse position than you. If you don't like a job, all you have to do is walk off to another company.

      Take me, for example. I am working on a H1 visa. If I am laid off, the INS immediately treats as being out of status and my countdown clock starts ticking. Even if I get interviews (past the citizens and GC only companies) and a job, I still have to wait a few more months for my new H1 to be approved. Under these circumstances, would I risk telling people at work how I really feel? No. I work as late as anyone else and make sure I am always around when people are looking for me, whatever be the time

      The H1 visa is a brilliant form of modern slavery that has the consent of everyone involved!

      --
      All your favorite sites in one place!
    6. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by australopithecus · · Score: 1

      damn. well, in that sitaution, i would be reapplying lip gloss hourly to make sure my boss' ass was well moisturized throughout the day...

    7. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      Have you ever been in a company where only ONE person knows what goes on in a particular module?i>

      John Carmack.

    8. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by Cryptnotic · · Score: 3, Insightful
      Dependence on individual brilliance is not necessarily a bad thing.

      When that one individual gets hit by a car and the entire company is fucked, that's a bad thing. Or when the brilliant genius gets headhunted and goes to a company that will pay him 3 times as much and give him a team of people to do all the boring stuff... of course, no one else understands the guy's system.

      Real companies try not to operate that way. They force their geniuses to document their work so if all else fails, they can hire a lesser genius to take the place of the genius who leaves. Even if you're the genius who started the company, it's better if you document things so that you can retire young.

      --
      My other first post is car post.
    9. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by Zarf · · Score: 2

      Consider this analogy: we all like superman, but what would you prefer - a law enforcement system that is efficient or one that relies on Superman to come their rescue every time?

      I've seen "superman" cause the failure of many projects by his own resistance to change. Then at the last minute he swoops in and saves the day putting in massive overtime. The "superman" looks like a hero at the end of the day and is applauded for his brilliance. He is promoted, given pay raises, and becomes an icon in the company.

      Until one day the smart kid comes in and rewrites his code from scratch or documents everything. Now "superman" has Kryptonite on his face. What does he do? He 'offs the kid (layoff that is). I've never won in this scenario yet... and if I ever do I risk becoming a false superman myself.

      Ofcourse, I'd prefer to be the real Superman... the one who can fly I mean. But, the false superman is comfortable with a Dilbert or a Milton because he knows they won't try to take the glory themselves.

      --
      [signature]
    10. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by petis · · Score: 2

      I find it interesting that there is a lot of confusion between working hard and working good. I never understood why companies pay for time spent and not what was actually produced during the time.

      Interesting story.

    11. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by gaj · · Score: 2, Interesting
      The H1 visa is a brilliant form of modern slavery that has the consent of everyone involved!
      Yes, including you.

      Obviously the H1 visa system is better than your alternative, eh? You obviously prefer it to staying in India, or you wouldn't be here.

      Your hyperbole about H1 being "a brilliant form of modern slavery" is really annoying. Did an H1 visa come up to you, point a gun to your head and force you to come here? I didn't think so. And as for the INS (fuckups that they are): when you are laid off you are "out of status".

      Now, a legitimate gripe might be if you were not informed of the terms of the visa when you were granted it. From your postings, though, I can see that you are intellegent enough to read the "fine print", so I doubt that was the case. Guess that leaves us back where we started; if H1 is slavery, you are the slave-driver.

      Please don't misunderstand, I applaud you for taking the effort and risk to improve your situation by taking advantage of our H1 system. That takes guts and drive, which I admire. Equating it to slavery is bullshit, though.

    12. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by thogard · · Score: 1

      There are two ways to look at the H1B visas. One is that they are close to modern slavery. The other is they are a training time. It teaches you how American compaines work so when you get kicked out of the country, you can go home and start writing code for the same compaines. 3com has just sacked many of their developers and are moving most of their R&D work off to India.

    13. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      dude, go home. thats a job i want.

    14. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by SubtleNuance · · Score: 1

      ..you know you can join (start!) a union dont you? you people (together) dont have to put up with this.

      your H1 visa dosnt mean you dont enjoy labour rights..

    15. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by arkanes · · Score: 2

      Something can be equivilent to slavery (it's actually more like indentured servitude - in fact, almost exactly like that) and still be better than where they are coming from - just because it's a "choice" doesn't mean that you can't complain about it. I chose to take the job I have, but I still get pissed off when people are morons.
      It's really easy to point fingers. Try thinking from someone elses point of view some time.

    16. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by SubtleNuance · · Score: 2

      pay no attention to this gaj. Obviously he belives only Native Born Americans(TM) have equal rights to other Native Born Americans(TM).

      all you smelly immigrants should be HAPPY to come to America(TM) and enjoy living the high-life -- again, even if you dont deserve it, but Gaj is giving enough to share a little with you -- just dont get to 'up-pidy'.

      Jingoism, xenophobia, ethnocetnrism.

    17. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by ManitobaMoose · · Score: 1

      hell yeah. i once worked with a guy who was so bloody proud himself that he sorted a list of 500 domains alphabetically by hand. when i pointed out that by using sort would take around 4-5 seconds he said "this is hard work!" i told him that his comment was asine and he left the room angryly. working hard might often not be proportional with productivity.

    18. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      So is that why a performance review on me suggests my being hit by a bus would be a bad thing?

      I had a good laugh when I saw that.

    19. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by gaj · · Score: 2

      My ancestors were immigrants, as were those of most Americans. Immegration is what fucking built this country. Where the fuck do see me saying that immigrants shoudln't come here? How exactly are H1 visa holders immigrants? Hell, I welcome *anyone* that comes to our country *legally*, and especially admire those that immegrate and assimilate. Again, it's part of what built the greatest country in the history of the world, the US of A. I will plead guilty to one of your charges (sort of): I'm a Jingoistic son of a bitch for sure. Or, more accuratly, I think that our "grand experiement" is a resounding success; the US is far from perfect, and we certainly have plenty of shortcomings, but it's still the best there is (IMHO) and I'm certainly not ashamed to say I think so.

    20. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by operagost · · Score: 1

      It's really another variation of indentured servitude. Back in the early days of American immigration, it was common for people to work off the expense of the long ocean voyage to the Americas by working for a sponsor. Yeah, they were stuck in a menial job for months or even years, but obviously it was worth it to them. I'm sure some of those sponsors were jerks and abused their servants, but I wouldn't blame the system for the problem.

      --

      Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
    21. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by Skyshadow · · Score: 2
      I never understood why companies pay for time spent and not what was actually produced during the time.

      One method requires clued-in, intelligent management that understands what it is their employees do and to actively reach out and engage them. The other requires beady-eyed management toadies with no real skills except the ability to read a clock.

      Understand now?

      --
      Every year during my review, I just pray the words "slashdot.org" aren't mentioned.
    22. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by teetam · · Score: 3, Interesting
      Oops..My usage of the word "slavery" seems to caused a small backlash. Sorry about that. It was not a personal complaint. I was merely trying to point out a possible lacuna in the system. No offense meant to anyone or any group.

      Let me clarify. I love America. Ever since I came here, I have had a fabulous quality of life. My rights have always been well respected. That is certainly not my point.

      Any capitalist system requires complete free will to function correctly, both on the part of the employer and the employee. The H1 work visa introduces an aberration. I was merely pointing that out.

      When I said everyone, I certainly included myself. It is not really a revelation when you point that out.

      --
      All your favorite sites in one place!
    23. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by petis · · Score: 2

      *LOL* :)

    24. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by HBergeron · · Score: 1

      You should know that there are a lot of us who would be happy to grant H1B holders direct access to citizenship. You have skills and education, you have shown the gumption to leave your home and everything you know to better yourself and your future - if you wanted to be an American, I can think of few native born citizens who better exemplify what it means to be one.

      --
      THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal...
    25. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      No usually they are TOLD of the terms up front. But they are usally also told they will get a faster response out of INS. The power of the company fighting to help you become a citizen. Well it isnt true. In fact most companies hinder as much as they can and make sure the rules work against the H1B's. They make sure the time they work for the company is 6 years. Then when they are done the person still may or may not be able to become a citizen. They worked thier ass's off and get fairly much nada. What most imigrants do not realize they would be better off coming here and REALLY imigrating. Some have a poor grasp of our language, or are just duped by the 'we will help you' slogan. For the ones with a poor grasp of the american language reading the fine print will not help. For the ones who are duped they think the company will really help them.

      there are basicly 2 kinds working the system.
      1) those who have come here for a HUGE salary. and will go back home and live like gods. They are usually fairly vindictive people. With a 'my country is WAY better than here' attitude. Do not work under/with them.
      2) those who REALLY want to work and live here. They like it here. These are the ones who really get screwed. These people are great to work with.

    26. Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I find it interesting that there is a lot of confusion between working hard and working good.

      I find it interesting that there is a lot of confusion between working good and working well.

  50. OT: Office Space Quiz by gmanske · · Score: 1
    Does anyone have or know of a mirror for the Which Office Space Character are you quiz which used to be located here?

    Gmanske.

    1. Re:OT: Office Space Quiz by ObviousGuy · · Score: 1

      Don't need a quiz to figure that one out.

      As soon as the white guy driving a econobox import with rap blasting out of the speakers came up, it was obvious. That and that I resemble Bolton too.

      --
      I have been pwned because my /. password was too easy to guess.
  51. Re:**��?s in eyes moment** by Provolo · · Score: 1

    ...merely twice the price of a plain black stapler...

    And sell at one-half the price on ebay...uh..yeeaah.
    So, do you like Michael Bolton?

    ..$29 bucks for a red stapler?

  52. Liquid TV--the birth of Milton by PDG · · Score: 5, Informative

    Actually, Milton and the epic of the stapler didn't originate in 'Office Space' but rather Judge's cartoon short from MTV's Liquid Television progam.

    The skit basically showed Lumbherg and Milton having their classic confrontation about the stapler, moving his office down to the basement, and what not.

    Judge made 'Office Space' from this skit.

    --
    "Where is my mind?"
    1. Re:Liquid TV--the birth of Milton by schussat · · Score: 3, Informative
      Actually, Milton and the epic of the stapler didn't originate in 'Office Space' but rather Judge's cartoon short from MTV's Liquid Television progam.

      I'm pretty sure that what preceded Liquid Television was Spike and Mike's Festival of Animation -- they were showing Milton clips several years before MTV, I think. Short Milton clips would appear between longer animated shorts. (BTW, those old Animation Festival films were absolutely fantastic; I'll never forget some of the animations they screened.)

      -schussat

      --
      The hour of noon has passed. Let us go and get some Kentucky Fried Chicken.
    2. Re:Liquid TV--the birth of Milton by HeavensTrash · · Score: 1

      The cartoon is also called Office Space. It says so at the beginning. I think it also was run on Saturday Night Live a couple of times.

    3. Re:Liquid TV--the birth of Milton by Myco · · Score: 1
      I'd have to check, but I distinctly recall seeing something like the following in the credits for Office Space:

      "Based on the animated short 'Milton' by Mike Judge"

      I had heard of Milton years before, when Liquid TV was still running (we miss you, Aeon Flux! Come back to us!), but had never seen it. I remember a friend of mine quoting the line "Hey Milton, what's happening?" but it wasn't until I saw that line in the credits that it all clicked and I saw the connection. So I'm pretty sure the cartoon was called Milton, though it may have later been changed to be called Office Space when it appeared on SNL, or after the movie came out.

      --
      My deviantArt site
  53. Holiday Gift Item! by trentfoley · · Score: 1
    I have to get a few of these for my friends that work in cubicle-hell. Well, I tried to, but swingline.com has been /.'ed.

    At least now we know they use jrun.

    null
    java.lang.NullPointerException
    at jrun__util__Errorpage2ejsp13._jspService(jrun__uti l__Errorpage2ejsp13.java:268)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.HttpJSPServlet.service(HttpJSPSer vlet.java:40)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at ...

  54. Dork kills himself, Slashdot posters mourn *yawn* by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    Maybe nobody gives a shit that some geek offed himself. Got it, Einstein?

  55. Who cares? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    Umm.. how the fuck does Gene Kan's death affect my life? Why would I care if he shot himself or someone else shot him? Sure justice glorified death whatever but thats not news at all. Besides famous people die all the time, what has Gene Kan done for me? If I can't recall him, he's probably not important.

  56. Re:Your Sig by dmatos · · Score: 1

    THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal...in every way

    Harrison Bergeron? Vonnegut?

    --

    It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away.
    --Scott Adams
  57. Laugh all you want... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    ... but Swingline 747s are damned good staplers. There is a difference between a Swingline and a random generic bubble-packed Asian knockoff hanging on the pegboard at Office Depot. The Swingline just feels right.

    You buy oscilloscopes from Tektronix, digital voltmeters from Agilent, spectrum analyzers from Rohde & Schwarz, and staplers from Swingline. It's that simple.

  58. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: -1, Troll

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  59. You never know what will be worth money someday... by jerkychew · · Score: 1

    My grandmother used to have a red swingline stapler at her house. Ironically, I believe it was lost when the house caught fire. This was a good 15 years ago.

    If I had known then what I know now, I would have hunted through the rubble for that damn thing!

  60. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 1

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  61. nitpick - sorry by SkulkCU · · Score: 2


    What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?

    Yeah.

    Wow, that's messed up.

    --
    .sig last updated Jan. 14, 2000
  62. The Revolution Will not be Televised by TrollBurger · · Score: -1

    The Revolution Will not be Televised
    Gil Scott-Heron

    You will not be able to stay home, brother.
    You will not be able to plug in, turn on and drop out.
    You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and skip,
    Skip out for beer during commercials,
    Because the revolution will not be televised.

    The revolution will not be televised.

    The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox
    In 4 parts without commercial interruption.
    The revolution will not show you pictures of Nixon
    Blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John
    Mitchell, General Abrams and Spiro Agnew to eat
    Hog maws confiscated from a Harlem sanctuary.

    The revolution will not be televised.

    The revolution will be brought to you by the
    Schaefer Award Theatre and will not star Natalie
    Wood and Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle and Julia.
    The revolution will not give your mouth sex appeal.
    The revolution will not get rid of the nubs.
    The revolution will not make you look five pounds
    Thinner, because

    The revolution will not be televised, Brother.

    There will be no pictures of you and Willie Mays
    Pushing that cart down the block on the dead run,
    Or trying to slide that color television into a stolen ambulance.
    NBC will not predict the winner at 8:32
    or the count from 29 districts.

    The revolution will not be televised.

    There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
    Brothers in the instant replay.
    There will be no pictures of young being
    Run out of Harlem on a rail with a brand new process.
    There will be no slow motion or still life of Roy
    Wilkens strolling through Watts in a red, black and
    Green liberation jumpsuit that he had been saving
    For just the right occasion.

    Green Acres, The Beverly Hillbillies, and Hooterville
    Junction will no longer be so damned relevant, and
    Women will not care if Dick finally gets down with
    Jane on Search for Tomorrow because Black people
    will be in the street looking for a brighter day.

    The revolution will not be televised.

    There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock
    News and no pictures of hairy armed women
    Liberationists and Jackie Onassis blowing her nose.
    The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb,
    Francis Scott Key, nor sung by Glen Campbell, Tom
    Jones, Johnny Cash, Englebert Humperdink, or the Rare Earth.

    The revolution will not be televised.

    The revolution will not be right back after a message
    About a white tornado, white lightning, or white people.
    You will not have to worry about a germ on your
    Bedroom, a tiger in your tank, or the giant in your toilet bowl.


    The revolution will not go better with Coke.


    The revolution will not fight the germs that cause bad breath.

    The revolution WILL put you in the driver's seat.

    The revolution will not be televised, WILL not be televised,
    WILL NOT BE TELEVISED.

    The revolution will be no re-run brothers;

    The revolution will be live.

  63. But what does PC stand for? by markov_chain · · Score: 1

    PC = Problem Code

    --
    Tsunami -- You can't bring a good wave down!
    1. Re:But what does PC stand for? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I believe the other poster was correct with paper cartridge

    2. Re:But what does PC stand for? by laserjet · · Score: 2

      You are wrong. PC stands for Paper Cassette. On some models, it would say UC or LC for upper cassette and lower cassette. Don't belive me? check out your manual.

      --
      Moon Macrosystems. Sun's biggest competitor.
    3. Re:But what does PC stand for? by markov_chain · · Score: 1

      Looks like I will have to. It seems my folklore is not 100%.

      Thanks,
      ~

      --
      Tsunami -- You can't bring a good wave down!
    4. Re:But what does PC stand for? by |<amikaze · · Score: 2

      Correct. My LaserJet IIID said UC Load Letter the first time I hooked it up, and I could only thing about office space. I even said "UC LOAD LETTER?!?! WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN???"

      Good times. I didn't have the manual though, but figured out that Letter == Paper, and that I needed to Load some.

    5. Re:But what does PC stand for? by Telecommando · · Score: 1

      UC = Upper Cassette
      LC = Lower Cassette

      I'm still using my Laserjet IIID, just can't seem to wear the thing out.

      --
      Beta sux! Join the Slashcott! http://hardware.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=4760465&cid=46173047
    6. Re:But what does PC stand for? by MaxVlast · · Score: 2

      Folklore! The 4SIMX in my living room blinks that damned message once a month. Folklore...grumble.

      --
      There should be a moratorium on the use of the apostrophe.
      Max V.
      NeXTMail/MIME Mail welcome
  64. Umkayy? by di0s · · Score: 3, Funny

    Hell, Lumbergh fucked her...

  65. I have had a red swingline for 30 years... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I got one when I was a little kid, of course it is one of those little ones (about 3" long and 1/2" wide) I never thought it was anything special. Too bad I didn't know about the red swingline craze on Ebay or I could have sold mine for $1000 as an honest-to-goodness real un-spray-painted red swingline before those bastards flooded the market with the real thing.

    I wonder if anyone will pay $1000 for an honest-to-goodness real un-spray-painted red swingline that's 30 years old? I'd have to get a new stapler though, I still use the thing at home, for the one or two things that I need to staple on a yearly basis. I'm more of a paper clip kind of guy...

  66. Oh, new red stapler! by Phenylene · · Score: 0

    ... and the squirrels were merry

  67. hmm... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I believe somebody's got a case of the mondays!

  68. Parent hasn't seen office space by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    obviously...

  69. Mandatory Priceless by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Plug in Office Space: Free
    Can of red Spray paint: $5
    Plain black stapler: $10
    Ebay fees: $2

    Being able to make a living off selling staplers at 3 times the cost to slashdot geeks: Priceless.

  70. Java does crash... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    but before it does that it does request a few cookies... wtf.

  71. Arsch-Zerrei�en mit Ziegen und Schafen by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    You really should translate that here and see what happens.

  72. Re:You never know what will be worth money someday by mr_gerbik · · Score: 2, Informative

    Wow, thats really interesting considering "There was just a slight problem: Swingline didn't make bright-red staplers." (wsj)

    Nice try at impressing us loser.

    Next time try sticking a that flaming stapler up your ass.

  73. My Old Bosses Printer by NormAtHome · · Score: 1

    Always said Klaar, my first thought was sounds Klingon...

    1. Re:My Old Bosses Printer by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Nope, it's not Klingon. It's dutch for 'ready'.

  74. I knew JRun sucked... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    www.swingline.com is toast. Way to go. Some midwestern CIO is getting paged at this moment.

    500 Internal Server Error /b2c/:

    null
    java.lang.NullPointerException
    at jrun__util__Errorpage2ejsp13._jspService(jrun__uti l__Errorpage2ejsp13.java:268)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.HttpJSPServlet.service(HttpJSPSer vlet.java:40)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunNamedDispatcher.forward(J RunNamedDispatcher.java:34)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.JSPServlet.service(JSPServlet.jav a:177)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunRequestDispatcher.forward (JRunRequestDispatcher.java:88)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.JRunPageContext.forward(JRunPageC ontext.java:333)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.JRunPageContext.handlePageExcepti on(JRunPageContext.java:350)
    at jrun__index2ejspa._jspService(jrun__index2ejspa.ja va:883)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.HttpJSPServlet.service(HttpJSPSer vlet.java:40)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunNamedDispatcher.forward(J RunNamedDispatcher.java:34)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.JSPServlet.service(JSPServlet.jav a:177)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunRequestDispatcher.forward (JRunRequestDispatcher.java:88)
    at allaire.jrun.file.FileServlet.service(FileServlet. java:179)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunServletPool.service(JRunS ervletPool.java:92)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunRequestDispatcher.forward (JRunRequestDispatcher.java:88)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:11 63)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:11 53)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JvmContext.dispatch(JvmContex t.java:330)
    at allaire.jrun.jrpp.ProxyEndpoint.run(ProxyEndpoint. java:382)
    at allaire.jrun.ThreadPool.run(ThreadPool.java:272)
    at allaire.jrun.WorkerThread.run(WorkerThread.java:75 )

  75. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 1

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  76. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 5, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  77. Stapler v. Gene Kan by Diskore · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    Yeah, Slashdot has it's priorites straight:

    story I submitted last night:
    2002-07-10 02:31:04 Gnutella Developer Gene Kan Commits Suicide (articles,news) (rejected)

    this story:
    I Believe You Have My Stapler (accepted, as editors wipe the spooge of each others faces)

    1. Re:Stapler v. Gene Kan by RatBastard · · Score: 1

      And everyone has been posting the same link to the same article and whining about it not being a news item. Everybody knows already!

      --
      Boobies never hurt anyone. - Sherry Glaser.
  78. I'll buy one by kermit6306 · · Score: 1

    So it can be given to a SE professor at my school. This should be good..

    1. Re:I'll buy one by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      rofl.. awesome

    2. Re:I'll buy one by ccwaterz · · Score: 1

      Is he related to Pete Lutz in the IT dept? It looks like it. :)

    3. Re:I'll buy one by FLaSh+SWT · · Score: 0

      That is fucking hilarious! Good thing I wasn't eating when I saw that...

  79. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 1

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  80. Hahaha by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I must say, that I am the main character in Office Space. I work far less than my two coworkers, and get mad praise from my bosses. I'm constantly being reminded I need to turn in that TPS report... and no, I'm not kidding, we really did get a TPpS report about 2 months ago. There's an annoyingly loud lady across the cubicle isle, my boss talks like a California version of Lumberg, and instead of coffee he's got to have his chocolate milk. I just met my fiancee 8 months ago, only unlike the movie we're not living together until we DO get married. Other than that, my life is Office Space. That's why this is News for Nerds, and stuff that matters to me because it makes me laugh to think of Milton and the guy we "upgraded" several months ago that was just like him.

  81. Oh yea, SimStapler! by ThesQuid · · Score: 2

    One of the silliest little programs I ever encountered was SimStapler from Freeverse software.

    Staple away to your heart's content with no jams! Sorry folks, this one's for Pre-X Mac OS 9 and under.


    _______

  82. Peter -- Check Out Channel 9 by TheRhino · · Score: 3, Funny

    Hey, Peter, forget this article, check out what's on Channel 9!

    1. Re:Peter -- Check Out Channel 9 by ObviousGuy · · Score: 1

      Weird.

      You two have eschewed telephones for Slashdot. This is a completely new paradigm in communication.

      Katz needs to write an article explaining this phenomenon immediately.

      --
      I have been pwned because my /. password was too easy to guess.
    2. Re:Peter -- Check Out Channel 9 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      what are you talking about?

    3. Re:Peter -- Check Out Channel 9 by Cplus · · Score: 1

      Isn't it obvious?

      --
      "Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality." -- Dalai Lama
    4. Re:Peter -- Check Out Channel 9 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You idiot. In the movie Office Space, Peter's neighbour Lawrence talks to him through the thin apartment walls. Towards the beginning of the movie, Lawrence tells Peter to turn his TV to channel 9 because there is a naked chick on who "looks like Anne", Peter's girlfriend.

    5. Re:Peter -- Check Out Channel 9 by ObviousGuy · · Score: 1

      I'm afraid I don't know every line to every movie. I apologize profusely.

      --
      I have been pwned because my /. password was too easy to guess.
  83. But... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    ...is that a gun in your cockpit or are you just happy to see me? ...is that a cock in your gunpit or are you just happy to see me?

  84. One of my favorite films of all time by psypete · · Score: 2, Funny

    and definetly one of the funniest. The more i watch it the less funny it is, but it still holds a place near to my heart. Even today, the Swingline symbolizes the oppression and greed large entities can have upon smaller ones. Then again, it could also symbolize how simple pleasures can keep us from burning down large office buildings. And also that you'll be treated like shit wherever you are. Even in mexico with lots of money.

    1. Re:One of my favorite films of all time by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Oh this is soooo true. The day I watched this I laughed till I could not breath. I had just had 3 bosses come by and tell me my paper sucked. I learned a 'who gives a shit' attitude from this gem of a movie. The funny thing is they keep premoting me! I keep this up Ill run this damn company!

  85. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 1, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  86. Flashbacks by Raul654 · · Score: 1

    This past spring I had the most godawful computer engineering class... we were all given HC11's mounted on a power supply along with a breadboard. It wouldn't have been so bad if the professor hadn't had a policy of "it doesn't work, your grade is 0." (Each lab was 20% of the overall grade) Anyway, I remember many a night in the lab where the people would get frustrated and swear that at the end of the semester, they going to take out one of those poor boxes and beat the *&%$% out of it. If those boxes didn't cost $500, I'm sure a few people would have done it too...

    --


    To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt.
    --E.C. Stanton
    1. Re:Flashbacks by iamplasma · · Score: 2

      I have to ask, did anyone just buy a working HC11 then and get perfect marks? I mean, $500 isn't a bad price for a 100%. :)

  87. OT: Gene Kan by seanadams.com · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    Why is the world so hell-bent on covering up suicides, even to the point of ignoring potential suicides who are in dire need of help?

    Somebody told me that the Coast Guard logs more than thirty jumpers every year at the Golden Gate bridge. If the figure is even half as high as that, why do we never hear anything about it in the local news?

    In reading some of the stories about this and doing some googling, I noticed that Kan's existence hase been expunged from the two most trusted web archives, the Google cache and the Wayback machine. Why?

    Maybe I can answer my own question... I was in Portland Oregon recently, and as I was driving around the city I noticed at least a dozen billboards about depression and suicide. I've heard that Portland is the #2 city in the U.S. for suicides per capita, after Seattle. Must be the rain, I guess. Anyway, seeing all those billboards every day would actually be enough to actually drive someone *into* depression.

    It's damn spooky to think of how many people are out there just quietly being depressed.

    RIP Kan.

    1. Re:OT: Gene Kan by saviorsloth · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      his existence has been expurged? if you're referring to his webpage and, then perhaps it's out of respect for him.
      "Folks here at XCF who knew Gene thought that it would be better to make his home page non-public at least for now."

    2. Re:OT: Gene Kan by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      Why is the world so hell-bent on covering up suicides

      Anyway, seeing all those billboards every day would actually be enough to actually drive someone *into* depression.

      You answered your own question. When the media covers them, especially youth, you run the risk of quietly encouraging more. It's an unwritten rule, well respected, that the media doesn't cover them in that way. It's for the best.

    3. Re:OT: Gene Kan by nordicfrost · · Score: 0, Offtopic
      I don't know how the media ethic is in the US, but here in Scandinavia, a suicide is not reported by the media unless it is of grave importance for the public.

      A suicide is probably the worst way of leaving this world, from the perspective of your next of kin. The fact that your spouse or child considered this world so awful that he / she could not bear it is a devastating thought. Many of the families blame themselves.

      In the media, (Again; at least here) we have a special responsibility for observing that we follow the reasonable ethical guidelines. And one of the most important guideline is that innocent persons must be protected. If a person commits suicide, the remaining family should be left alone with their sorrow and not be hassled by the media. If the family wants to expose the problem, fine! Let's make a story and try to help this problem. But until that point, leave them alone.

      Examples from the real world: The son of former Norwegian prime minister Gro Harlem Bruntland commited suicide while she was in office. All the editors of the serious newspapers met and agreed that the death would be minimized in the papers, since it would not have an effect on the public. Only the sunday porn/ sports paper published the whole story in all its gory detail. If the prime minister was not capable of performing her task because of the incident, that would be another matter. But she was, and then she should be left alone.

      This easter, a woman went missing in Oslo. Everyone thought she was murdered of abducted for two weeks. Her body was found hangning in a forest, and the media stopped writing about the incident because it was a suicide. Now, you could argue that a murder should not be written about either, since it's a tragedy for the family. But that is another discussion.

  88. Stapler 2002 Upgrade Edition by BigBlockMopar · · Score: 2

    AM I the only one baffled by this pointless story? What the hell does a red stapler have to do with anything?

    To publicize their new product!

    Bring new life to your aging stapler with Stapler 2002 Upgrade Edition! Adds new and vibrant features which enhance productivity!

    • Personal Edition: Package includes one wire wheel for use with your power drill and a can of red Tremclad.

    • Enterprise Edition*: Package includes glass bead for your sandblaster and a bottle of red DuPont Centari for your paint gun.

    • * Installation downtime may be reduced through the purchase of a Stapler Backup Kit, part #6661313, projected availability 2Q2003, which includes one black Swingline stapler preloaded with 100 standard office staples. Availability subject to change without notice. We reserve the right to change the color of the paint supplied.

    --
    Fire and Meat. Yummy.
    1. Re:Stapler 2002 Upgrade Edition by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      See the countless posts pertaining to Office Space, then see the movie.

  89. Re:what I want to know is [Offtopic abuse] by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    Keep modding it down as Offtopic, and I'll keep modding it up. C'mon, I've got 4 more points to burn.

    I'm sick to hell of Offtopic abuse.

  90. I actually tried painting one. by Qender · · Score: 0

    About half a year ago when I found there was no red stapler on the market. I got a black one and some red enamel. /stares at pink stapler

    It didn't quite work right.

  91. If you liked Office Space. . . by Fantastic+Lad · · Score: 5, Interesting
    There's another cool film called, "Way Downtown" which is very much in the same vein, though a little grungier around the edges.

    Shot in downtown Calgary, where the doozer habitrails are so advanced that, between interconnected malls, eateries, apartment high-rises and office blocks, it is entirely possible to NEVER go outside. (Presumably something to do with harsh Canadian winters. . .)

    The film is filled with dark-humor about what happens when a group of co-workers make a three pay-check bet to see who can stay indoors the longest. A rather bent film, with weird-ass hallucinogenic scenes which I can entirely relate to. --Basically, take your time in such fluorescent, filtered air environments, and multiply by 100. Makes you double-think space travel, and that's a fact!

    -Fantastic Lad

    1. Re:If you liked Office Space. . . by Etcetera · · Score: 2


      Sounds interesting; couldn't find it in the IMDB though. Any info/links on it?

      --
      Hire a Linux system administrator, systems engineer,
    2. Re:If you liked Office Space. . . by Timmeh · · Score: 3, Informative

      I couldn't either until I searched for it on the web and found out who's acting in it, then searching for that actor on IMDB and looking for a similar title. The actual name of the movie is Waydowntown (one word!) and IMDB's search engine ain't smart enuf to tell the difference between 'Waydowntown' and 'Way Downtown'.

      linky linky

    3. Re:If you liked Office Space. . . by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      imdb's search engine would embarass a hampster. Sometimes I think ratbert wrote it while dancing on the keyboard.

      kinda ironic for one of the most useful collections of information on the web.

    4. Re:If you liked Office Space. . . by oooga · · Score: 1

      Right on! That movie rocked serious nads. I was lucky enough to catch it in an actual theatre, but you can get it on video (if not now, then soon) and it is making the tour of art theatres. Really well done, funny, etc. Kudos for bringing it up.

      --
      -- Nerds on toast in the new millenium
  92. sneh! by Max+the+Merciless · · Score: 1

    Dude, I have a purple stapler... I'm in charge of stationery orders :)

    --
    * * Always question "the National Interest" - 9 times out of 10 it is a cover for evil
  93. Re:Your Sig by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal...in every way

    Harrison Bergeron? Vonnegut?

    Nope. The Democrat party's vision statement.

  94. Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Mulletproof · · Score: 1, Offtopic

    2002-07-11 05:31:21 Mining the Moon for Helium-3 (articles,news) (rejected)

    Assuming we could pull together a coherent space program of the Apollo magnitude once again, Helium-3, a cleaner, safer, more stable isotope could be mined from the moon in abundance as an alternate nuclear fuel, according to this story from the Sydney Morning Herald. Also discussed: Lunar Tourism.

    You know the shit's deep when a story about red staplers gets posted while one discussing how Helium 3 can be mined from the moon is rejected. I'd laugh if it weren't so damn tragic. Take the Karma. Might as well use it for something.

    Articles rejected to date: 10/10

    --
    You need a FREE iPod Nano
    1. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by josh+crawley · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      I've had all of my stories turned down too. I could care less about the karma... Still that's what it's taken when yu complain about unpublished stories...

      1: Possible shenanigans at Amazon.com . Seems they registered 9-11.net and pointed it towards a search "september 11" at amazon.com (did 2, 1 anony/ 1 registered)
      2: Gene Kan, co-author to Gnutella protocol dies
      3: Congress OK's dumping of nuclear materials at Nevada.

      Those are recent stories... ALL rejected. And I'm at 50 karma.

      I could give a shit less about fucking staplers.

    2. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by CProgrammer98 · · Score: 1, Offtopic

      Yup I submitted about the Gnutella developer who shot himself - I felt sure that would make it - but no, red staplers are obviously far more important than a story about a young talanted open source developer killing himself...

      --
      And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour Isaiah 3:5
    3. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by datajosh · · Score: 0, Offtopic
      Well, I can tell you why #1 was rejected. Amazon didn't register the domain. People have been registering domains and pointing them to Amazon searches under their affiliate ID long before 9/11. This is hardly new and hardly worthy of Slashdot.

      Also, #3 has most likely been submitted by many others already and as for #2...
      <Triumph> I'm sorry, the correct answer is "Who gives a shit?" </Triumph>

      Now, if the Swingline site would just start working again so I can order a goddamn red stapler, I'd be happy.

    4. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by sluggie · · Score: 1, Offtopic

      time to burn my karma too...

      Just count the seconds until the great bitchslappin' script kicks in and blackholes the whole thread...

      thank you /.

    5. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      Amazon isn't the only target of various domain names.

      Try www.monstor.com (yes, two Os, no E at all) and watch what happens.

    6. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by CSG_SurferDude · · Score: 1

      You know, I have to agree with you, even if they would have hidden a great science story like this somewhere on the backpages.

      That's why I never bother to submit stories. :-(

      --

      LongTail SSH Brute Force analysis tool is here!

    7. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by mark_lybarger · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Gene Kan, co-author to Gnutella protocol dies

      looks like a self inflicted gun shot from what i read. he semeed to be doing nicely working for Sun too. some folks just don't get it.

    8. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by MicroBerto · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      Is that really how he died? Because from what I read on the k5 discussion, the family did not want to discuss it.

      --
      Berto
    9. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      red staplers are obviously far more important than a story about a young talanted open source developer killing himself...

      Too bad you're being sarcastic because I agree with you. Suicide is purely an act of cowardice and selfishness. Anyone who commits it deserves to be forgotten.

      Posting as an AC for obvious reasons.

    10. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by babbage · · Score: 2
      Not that I disagree with your point that this should have been posted -- you're right, it's newsworthy and merits discussion -- but isn't Helium-3 only useful if you've got a working fusion reactor? Self-sustaining, power generating fusion seems like it's at best decades away from reality.

      I'm with Roberty Zubrin on this one: with the technology that Apollo produced, we should be going not to the moon, but to Mars. It would be completely doable, and there's far more interesting & useful things there than fuel for a mythical reactor that no one can even build yet. Just to pick two seemingly trivial examples: air & water. A martian base could cultivate what life support supplies are needed locally; a lunar base would have to import them -- expensively -- from earth. Any profit gained from He3 exploration would surely not be enough to counter those expenses, but a martian expedition could, for the most part live off the land and, once established, go on to more interesting things.

      --
      DO NOT LEAVE IT IS NOT REAL
    11. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      That's briliant!

    12. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      I'm sure families LOVE to talk about someone who killed themself. Get a grip dude. Have you ever had someone close to you kill themselves? It something that everyone is going to yap up at dinner or anytime. It's something that hurts people deeply and they want to put behind them. It's not exactly something you're going to be up and up to talk to every reporter and person in the world about.

    13. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Peyna · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      I assume they look for articles to generate good discussion. It would be a stretch for #2 to do so. We all know exactly how the discussion on #3 would turn out, and #1 is just sort of a fun fact of the day. I'm not going to turn in a story submission that googel.com points to google's english language only search am I? Because nobody cares! As far as #2, it is sad whenever somebody kills themself, but I was surprised he even made it on cnn. Maybe if Larry Wall shot himself/died someway we'd see it, but you have to pick and choose.

      --
      What?
    14. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

      The person who died was Gene Kan. ( Story here) At first I thought he was talking about Steve of Nullsoft, the real developer, but no, different person.

    15. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by pogen · · Score: 2, Funny
      Suicide is purely an act of cowardice and selfishness. Anyone who commits it deserves to be forgotten.

      Posting as an AC for obvious reasons.

      The obvious reasons being, ironically enough, cowardice and selfishness.

    16. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by rsteele19 · · Score: 1
      umm, #3 was already put on the front page.

      As for the other stories, it may be that someone else submitted them with a better writeup and they just haven't been posted yet.

      Yeah, I tried submitting a couple stories. They got rejected. I don't bother anymore. With the time I save, I spend more time reading Slashdot.

      --

      This sig is umop apisdn.

    17. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by drinkypoo · · Score: 2

      Yes, slashdot is ridiculous that way. I also heard about this about five days ago, and saw the thing on swingline's page; Looks like a stapler all right. I seem to recall hearing about it on slashdot even, but I could be wrong.

      --
      "You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
    18. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Here's a tissue.

    19. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by tps12 · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      * 2002-05-01 00:42:20 Public Schools Can Look at Girls' Underpants? (yro,privacy) (rejected)
      * 2002-05-20 11:57:54 Google to Get New Logo? (articles,internet) (rejected)
      * 2002-05-30 19:08:04 Kuro5hin is Down (askslashdot,links) (rejected)
      * 2002-05-30 20:10:11 Looks Like a DOS against K5! (articles,tech) (rejected)
      * 2002-06-28 12:52:40 Geeks Rejoice: Beards Back in Style! (articles,links) (rejected)

      --

      Karma: Good (despite my invention of the Karma: sig)
    20. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Spankophile · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      OMG.. that is the wittiest, most intelligent respose I've ever seen on /.

      And you get modded down...

      The red stapler thing is old news anyways.. I think it's time for something else to carry on the News for Nerds torch.

    21. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by CProgrammer98 · · Score: 1

      How Bizarre! My most moderated post ever

      Moderation Totals: Offtopic=3, Flamebait=2, Insightful=2, Interesting=2, Total=9

      NINE mod points, 4 positives, 5 negatives It's obviously something that has the moderators in two distinct camps. Very interesting!

      --
      And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour Isaiah 3:5
    22. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by ObviousGuy · · Score: 1

      * 2002-05-16 09:55:39 Time to upgrade your Internet Explorer (articles,news) (rejected)
      * 2002-05-30 07:32:28 Who do you feel is a good Domain Registrar? (apple,internet) (rejected)
      * 2002-05-31 04:06:04 The official word on P2P (articles,media) (rejected)
      * 2002-06-07 06:00:46 Tired of Java? Try C# (developers,programming) (rejected)
      * 2002-07-03 06:23:20 Michael, my sensors are picking up a large audienc (articles,movies) (rejected)

      --
      I have been pwned because my /. password was too easy to guess.
    23. Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Yes, if anyone finds a replacment for what /. is supposed to be, I'd love to get a line at sfritz@postmaster.co.uk

      I've honestly found I'm interested in a single article per day at most, it's fairly disturbing considering they have 12 fulltime employees.

  95. But it wasn't.... by Mulletproof · · Score: 1

    I'd be forgivable it it were funny. Monty Python was funny. Whose Line is it Anyway? is funny. Mr. Bean is irritating, but also funny. The stapler.... Isn't.

    My opinion of course. Everybody has two, and like armpits, both stink.

    --
    You need a FREE iPod Nano
    1. Re:But it wasn't.... by joshsisk · · Score: 1

      You do know it's an Office Space reference, right?

  96. Clarification by Raul654 · · Score: 1

    We had to build stuff on the breadboard using the HC11 for processing - We did not, as I think might have been unclear, have to build our on HC11. 5 projects (each 20% of our overall), including a push-button calculator, a voice mail, and an eletronic etch-a-sketch. The HC11's were free (assuming you turned it back in at the end of the semester)... but man, some late nights in the lab made it tempting target...

    --


    To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt.
    --E.C. Stanton
  97. Haiku Tunnel - a darker version of Office Space by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Informative

    If you liked Office Space, you should rent Haiku Tunnel. It's a black comedy about a temp worker who goes perm at a law firm and gets his artistic side crushed. Like Office Space, it's a biting parody of modern office life. Unlike Office Space, the good guy doesn't win, but it's still very funny.

  98. Two Words by Infonaut · · Score: 2
    Rust -Oleum :-)

    --
    Read the EFF's Fair Use FAQ
  99. Nerds matter, staplers do not. by Mulletproof · · Score: 1

    Sure the links are slashdotted. Even I was curious to see what was so special about the thing. But then I saw it was a stapler. Red. It... Stapled things. If your a fan of the movie and want the stapler, that's cool. No disrespect intended. Hell, Fight Club soap is selling on ebay this very minute. But my Martha Stewart mug isn't going to get posted here no matter her popularity, obscurity or nerdy homemaker status and I'm pissed ;)

    (no, I don't own any sort of Martha Stewert product)

    --
    You need a FREE iPod Nano
  100. slashdotted... by Polo · · Score: 1

    The swingline website at 11:00pm pacific:

    We are currently upgrading our site to serve you better.
    Please visit us again in twenty minutes.
    Thank you for your patience.
    error: conn.105.serv

    WHAM-slashdotted! WHAMWHAMWHAM!

    1. Re:slashdotted... by erasmus_ · · Score: 2

      I'm still getting the same thing now, at 9am EST. Unless my time zone knowledge is way off, it's been a heck of a lot more than 20 minutes.

      --
      Please subscribe to see the more insightful version of th
  101. Josh for /. Editor! by Mulletproof · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    You've got my vote, man. Those posts are a damn sight better than a few I've seen.

    --
    You need a FREE iPod Nano
  102. Certainly a cult following by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I'm glad to see this movie is so popular with the computer crew, yet it never made a big bang at the box office. I can't believe how Mike Judge could have created something this good, and then have gone on to produce "King of the Hill", just horrible.

    1. Re:Certainly a cult following by FLaSh+SWT · · Score: 0

      King of the Hill is hilarious. I love that show! Fits in nicely with Simpsons and Futurama.

  103. it's about time ... by SPeW · · Score: 0, Troll

    what a rip off though

    i'm sure theres some one with some 1377 455 stapler mods out there if you are really HC

    --
    MoRe... LaTeR... -=PJK=-
  104. From the Museum of Modern Art ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Is the Red Swingline in the Museum of Modern Art, like this one?

  105. Re:Josh for better, and open moderation by josh+crawley · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    What worries me about the amazon case is.... Why would a Texan register a domain 9-11.net , point it towards Amazon.com, and not request anything(ransom...).

    Seems to me there's a lot behind that story... SImple whois'ing the domains shows that. If it's that of revenge, what happened to Michael Beck......

    I'd be better than these clowns as an editor , but in no way better than most of the people at kuro5hin.org .

  106. MOD PARENT UP by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Your reply was both insightful and informative. I would like to add quite simply that we'd have just as many offtopic posts saying 'Some guy who worked on Gnutella killed himself. This is news for nerds? Stuff that matters?' Good lord.

    For the record, I found the stapler article to be 'neat.' So quit whining just because your story was rejected. Hell, you can see it on wired and cnet. Why is it so important to have your summary posted here anyways?

  107. TGI Fridays by ShaggyZet · · Score: 1

    It was. If you ever want to really piss of a waitress at Fridays, ask them if they've ever seen Office Space. Then ask them how many pieces of flair they're wearing. They really call it flair, and they really have to wear 15. We did all of this by accident at someone's going away party from a software company a lot like Initech and sent the waitress screaming from the table several times.

    1. Re:TGI Fridays by operagost · · Score: 1

      I recently went to my usual Friday's and they were wearing little or no flair. Just polos, no suspenders. Maybe Office Space has created a backlash?

      --

      Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
    2. Re:TGI Fridays by Storm+Damage · · Score: 1

      I suspected this might have been why Friday's recently changed their uniforms. I complained to my waitress that she didn't have a funky hat on, and where did all the buttons go. "Oh, they changed all that a few months ago". Now they wear boring black polo shirts and I don't even want to go there anymore, if I can't be served by a cutie in a funny hat and polka-dot tights.

  108. Seriously damaged folks by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    How did they drop a whole nation on their heads?

  109. colored staplers in europe by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    finaly you poor us citizens get colored staplers. I have a Leitz 5524 in red since years on my desk. I didn't know that you poor guys are not able to get colored office tools. Must be real boring in your offices all in black or silver.
    Btw the Leitz stapler never jams like that crap from Bostich.

    go to http://www.leitz.de and see all these colored office tools you don't have there. ;-)

    Juergen from Switzerland

  110. Except no Jennifer Anniston sitting on my face. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Woe is me.

  111. What the... by TheSonicVince · · Score: 0

    I don't get it. How does it happen to have ppl going that MAD over such a stapler? Moreover, the link displayed as web site in the story is broken.

    --
    And then he said: "I'll tell you the meaning of life. It is" and then realized 120 chars are definitely not enough...
  112. not completely true by lingqi · · Score: 2
    (i) dependence on individual brilliance rather than a good system and (ii) concentration of knowledge within a few individuals.

    in certan cultures where people does not get fired too much (hint hint: asian country starting with "J">, it is actually opposite as what you say.

    the rest is the same, though (the crazy long hours).

    think about it... concentration on knowledge serves one and only one purpose -- job security. however, when job security is a non-issue (or, at least a LOT less of an issue than, say, in the US), knowledge gets shared plenty quick -- because the more you teach people to do stuff, the more they can do and the less (hopefully) you have to do. ;-) pretty neat eh? i think china and india cannot cope with the crazyness because of the cultural situation *and* lack of job security.

    anyway -- not saying that other countries got it all figured out -- but at least it's working out better than you are describing in certain places. US work model has its own problems too -- heh... man don't even get me started.

    --

    My life in the land of the rising sun.

  113. Re:You never know what will be worth money someday by Meowing · · Score: 1

    Of course they made red staplers in the past, the metal ones I've seen were more a brick red rather than the brigher shade, though. And of course, the little plastic Tot 50 staplers (no relation to the current Tot 50) were usually red as well.

  114. That it. by jgp · · Score: 0, Flamebait

    That's one clique'y, American in-joke too many for my taste. Goodbye /.

    Sincerely,

    James

  115. Huh??? by CProgrammer98 · · Score: 0, Flamebait

    What's the big deal about a red stapler?

    I've had a red stapler for years.

    --
    And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour Isaiah 3:5
  116. C'mon I find that here! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Back when the economy was booming there
    were companies here doing the same thing.

    Friends were telling me about working 12 hour days and weekends and if they worked less, they were told they weren't being a team player.

  117. Uh, it has always been available by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The Red #747 has always been available, and $16 sounds about right. The question is, can you still get the #747 with Deco/Diner-style pinstriping?

    Signed,

    Mike Nomad

  118. Food for thought by keoghp · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    I have a friend who eats staplers. His doctor told him he needed a staple diet.

    Apparently the Pope does so too(has a Papal diet)

    --
    For problems, seek only the simplest solution, complexity brings with it more problems.
  119. My own encounter with office space by Joe+Tie. · · Score: 1

    I loved that movie. I remember one day I came in to find our dress code hade been moved up a few notches "because if you interact with the public, we want you all to give a good impression of the system.". The irony comes in because that was another of their rules, we're in a windowless square and forbidden to interact with the public! The same day someone showed me office space for the same time, and at least I felt reasured that there were a lot of people in the same situation.

    --
    Everything will be taken away from you.
  120. They still go on, as it happens by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Every year they come to the University of Arizona still.

  121. The update failed.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    As of 2:55 PST 7/11/2002.

    b2c/:

    null
    java.lang.NullPointerException
    at jrun__util__Errorpage2ejsp13._jspService(jrun__uti l__Errorpage2ejsp13.java:268)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.HttpJSPServlet.service(HttpJSPSer vlet.java:40)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunNamedDispatcher.forward(J RunNamedDispatcher.java:34)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.JSPServlet.service(JSPServlet.jav a:177)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunRequestDispatcher.forward (JRunRequestDispatcher.java:88)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.JRunPageContext.forward(JRunPageC ontext.java:333)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.JRunPageContext.handlePageExcepti on(JRunPageContext.java:350)
    at jrun__index2ejspa._jspService(jrun__index2ejspa.ja va:883)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.HttpJSPServlet.service(HttpJSPSer vlet.java:40)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunNamedDispatcher.forward(J RunNamedDispatcher.java:34)
    at allaire.jrun.jsp.JSPServlet.service(JSPServlet.jav a:177)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunRequestDispatcher.forward (JRunRequestDispatcher.java:88)
    at allaire.jrun.file.FileServlet.service(FileServlet. java:179)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunServletPool.service(JRunS ervletPool.java:92)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.runServlet(JRunSE.java :936)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunRequestDispatcher.forward (JRunRequestDispatcher.java:88)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:11 63)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:11 53)
    at allaire.jrun.servlet.JvmContext.dispatch(JvmContex t.java:330)
    at allaire.jrun.jrpp.ProxyEndpoint.run(ProxyEndpoint. java:382)
    at allaire.jrun.ThreadPool.run(ThreadPool.java:272)
    at allaire.jrun.WorkerThread.run(WorkerThread.java:75 )

  122. The REAL geek stapler! by Andy_R · · Score: 2

    Is here: http://stationerystore.opnet.co.uk/detail.asp?Prod uctCode=459778

    It's RED, it's cheaper than the swingline, it's ELECTRONIC and you can see all the workings through the transparent casing (so you don't need to mod your stapler case)!

    What more could a geek need in a stapler?

    --
    A pizza of radius z and thickness a has a volume of pi z z a
    1. Re:The REAL geek stapler! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      There's this lovely concept on the World Wide Web called "linking". See, all you have to do is put an "link instead of forcing people to cut n' paste your friggin links.

      Sorry, just a bit of a pet peeve of mine.

  123. LOL by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    some day you people will realize that Slashdot is not the whole world.

    There are better sites, use them...

  124. Link Does not work by toolman_nick · · Score: 1

    I just thought that I would tell you that your link to see the stapler does did not work when I tried it....

    1. Re:Link Does not work by WebMasterJoe · · Score: 2

      Oh come on, you've never seen a site get slashdotted? As soon as somebody finds a site that everybody should see, it gets posted to slashdot so that nobody can see it.

      --
      I really hate signatures, but go to my website.
    2. Re:Link Does not work by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Oh come on, take the space out of the URL, silly!

      http://stationerystore.opnet.co.uk/detail.asp?Pr od uctCode=459778

  125. They used to make them by thogard · · Score: 2

    Conoco (a midwestern oil company) was sold on the idea that they could get their company logo on the staplers and that would help prevent them from disappearing. What a scam. The result was once they new red staplers with the logo arrived, people started taking them home. I suspect 1/2 the staplers at the highschool had walked off from the oil company. I suspect that Conoco ended up buying something like 10 times more because people were stealing them.

  126. All this for a 'red' stapler? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Now you know there's nothing to report on the business fron when the WSJ writes an article about a red-colored device that weighs a few pounds and fits in my hand.....

    Wow that was a waste of an article. All the trees that lost their lives for this story; now that's a story. Hmmm, maybe they might offer the staplers in iMac colors..... Actually any imaginative thought on the idea of a stapler in other colors isn't worth the time.

    And for those who might respond, "it's a movie reference to 'Office Space'", my response is "yeah... so what."

  127. Watching the movie by calibanDNS · · Score: 1

    I was actually WATCHING Office Space when this story was posted. It's a sign, has to be a sign.

    I used to be over by the window and there were squirrels and they were merry. But then they switched from the Swingline to the Boston...

    1. Re:Watching the movie by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I believe he says.. ...there were squirrels, and.. and they were married..

  128. Drat. by DirkDaring · · Score: 0

    My stapler is black. And it says 'STANLEY BOSTITCH' on it.

    And I thought I was cool and hip. Now I'm not. Argh.

  129. Swingline electronic stapler on eBay! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Check this out!
    http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item =1748980218
    ...
    and don't worry, the seller's user feedback says: Good Communication Fast Pay AAA +++ A Pleasure

  130. What would I do with a million red staplers? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Two chicks at the same time.

  131. Office Space Script (??) by Kevin+Stevens · · Score: 1

    I looked around for an OfficeSpace script, but I couldnt find one... Does anyone know where to find it??
    -k

  132. Thinkgeek? by natefanaro · · Score: 1

    They going to sell the stapler on Think Geek at all?

  133. Milton Animated Shorts by Mike Judge by Vortran · · Score: 2

    Where ARE they? I would be eternally grateful to anyone who could point me to a copy of the "Milton Animated Shorts" by Mike Judge.

    I have only been able to find a few shreds of info on this. They were apparently broadcast on Saturday Night Live in October of 1990 (or 1991?).

    Please help me find the birthplace of Office Space!

    Thank you, Vortran

    --
    Knowledge is like ignorance.. too much can be just as bad as not enough.
  134. kept my stapler... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Put a huge strip of male velcro around my monitor
    and a strip of female velcro on the top of my
    stapler. Keep it attached to my monitor, where I
    can see it. Also keeps the finikey stapler
    grabbers at bay due to "asthetics". I also like
    the smaller swingline pocket staplers.

  135. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 1

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  136. Congrats! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    You get today's Jon Katz award for using the most empty phrases to say absolutely nothing. The only part you messed up on is saying "Post-WWII workplace" instead of "Post-WWII, Post-Columbine, Post-9/11, Post-Tuesday workplace". In the future, please keep your buzzwords straight if you want to replace Katz.

    1. Re:Congrats! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Exactly why we have ACs so that mental midgets can post like this.

  137. flair by Sabu+mark · · Score: 1, Troll


    You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

    --

    What Would Jesus Do
    (for a Klondike bar)?
  138. I guess the server... by A_Non_Moose · · Score: 3, Funny

    "Has a case of the 'Mondays'"... .....

    Has anyone ever said to you "Looks like someone has a case of the 'Mondays'"?

    Naw. No. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked.
    .

    --
    Have you read the moderator guidelines? Well, have you, PUNK? (and I want a Karma: Gnarly option)
    1. Re:I guess the server... by bob-o-buds.com · · Score: 1

      ...sayin somthin like that... Jeez get it right, you do not diserve to be an offical Office Space Quote Monkie.

    2. Re:I guess the server... by A_Non_Moose · · Score: 1

      Heh.

      Thanks for the rest of it.

      --
      Have you read the moderator guidelines? Well, have you, PUNK? (and I want a Karma: Gnarly option)
    3. Re:I guess the server... by Ratbert42 · · Score: 2

      No, but this week we got, "how was your vacation?" To which the only proper response would have been, "it sucked ass you flaming retard, since we had to work almost the whole weekend after you laid off half the team halfway through coding."

  139. Roman History by ronfar · · Score: 5, Informative
    In Ancient Rome, educated Greeks would often sell themselves into slavery to wealthy Romans. However, the thing to remember that these slaves were planning to earn their freedom. They weren't planning to stay slaves forever. If the slave managed to earn his (and I mean his) freedom in this case, he would not only be a free man but a Roman citizen and a client of his former owner. This comparison to the H1-B system is not hyperbolie.

    It beat the conditions they had at home in Greece, but it really was slavery.

    Unfortunately, Americans, being very provincial, tend to think only in terms of American style slavery, in which manumission was rare and unexpected. (Oh, and no one was really sure what to do with free slaves, except repatriate them to Africa.)

    For more information on Roman style slavery, try reading the Masters of Rome series by Colleen McCullough.

    The real problem with comparing things to the H1-B system is that there isn't anything exactly like the H1-B system. It somewhat resembles both indentured servitude and Roman style slavery.

    American style slavery was really more like feudalism, almost no hope of freedom or every raising your social status.

    Of course, it is difficult to compare the H1-B system to anything else, since it is a modern invention with its own rules and peculiarities. However, to dismiss a comparison with slavery, especially non-American slavery simply reflects a lack of knowledge of the history of the ancient world.

    --
    All the creatures will die, And all the things will be broken. That's the law of samurai. (Jubai, 1605)
    1. Re:Roman History by gaj · · Score: 2
      Thank you for pointing out my myopic interpretation of "slavery". I *do* tend to assume that, in the modern world, when folks refer to "slavery" they are refering to "American" (I'd call it "contemporary", but that may be continued myopia on my part) slavery.

      Given that reinterpretation of the term, I would be over-reacting a bit.

      So, since you seem to know a bit about slavery; tell me, were the American's the only ones to participate in the form of slavery you attribute to them?

    2. Re:Roman History by ealar+dlanvuli · · Score: 1

      For some reason I want to say the spanish did as well, but I can't remember the date or location.

      --
      I live in a giant bucket.
    3. Re:Roman History by glitchvern · · Score: 1

      They did and they did it first but it supposedly wasn't as bad as what we practiced. The Church didn't like it, even though the Church did end up owning slaves that people left to the Church in their will, and worked to "soften" slavery I guess you could say. The Spanish started with enslaving the Indians, but because it was their homeland they tended to run away and stuff. Africans' will were somewhat broken by the ride over and being in a distant land they wouldn't know where to run to. The Spanish ended slavery about one hundred years before us I think but they had had it earlier than us. It was introduced to us by the Dutch. At first the slaves were treated like indentured servants and freed after a few years but eventually we stopped freeing them.

  140. It is is own fault by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    He didn't fill out his TPS report.

    1. Re:It is is own fault by barenakedAvenger · · Score: 0, Flamebait

      It's the fuckin' cover letter... dipshit

      --
      You can automatically log in by clicking This Link and Bookmarking the resulting page. This is totally insecure, but ver
    2. Re:It is is own fault by Myco · · Score: 0, Flamebait

      That's "cover sheet," fuckin' pedant. Didn't you get the memo?

      --
      My deviantArt site
    3. Re:It is is own fault by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      shit...

      Yeah, I got the memo.

  141. And once again by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    We have Michael posting a STUPID story that has NO REDEEMING VALUE as NEWS FOR NERDS.

  142. Swingline's not the Same as the Movie's by David+P · · Score: -1

    I got this model about 2 months ago, and it's not the same as the one they used in the movie. The color is more of an orange-red than the cherry red used in the movie, and even its construction is different.

    The movie's stapler's hinges are underneath the top piece, while the one being sold now has the hinges on either side of the top piece. In addition, the "Swingline" label is on the sides of the movie's stapler, while the current one has a single logo on the top. If they had just gotten the color right, I'd be a lot happier with it.

  143. moving my office by gandalfnm · · Score: 1

    My previous (asshole) boss wanted to move me into this 10x12 cube with 6 other people, I protested and even suggested that they move me into the basement (it actually would have been better than the sweaty little cube) - anyways after much bitching they finally put me in the climate controlled server room - sure it was noisy and 45 degrees but it really reduced the time drive by's would hang out... I just had to wear a parka at my desk!

  144. Indendured Servitude by Myco · · Score: 1
    Lest we forget, indentured servitude was also very prevalent in early America -- it was the only way many immigrants could fund their overseas voyage.

    As long as we're talking about innovative new forms of slavery, shall we break into the topic of prison labor? With the ever-overflowing population of America's prisons, and the drug war eagerly stuffing more bodies into the system, there's an enormous amount of cheap labor available, creating a vested interest for those who benefit to perpetuate the system. It's really a brilliant workaround to that pesky anti-slavery amendment.

    --
    My deviantArt site
  145. From the Google cache by mikethegeek · · Score: 3, Informative

    http://216.239.51.100/search?q=cache:DQJxCdKIbukC: www.swingline.com/b2c/whatsnew/NewProducts.jsp+red +swingline&hl=en&ie=UTF-8

    Here is the text:

    "Swingline The Red Stapler

    Ah, the price of fame. Hollywood took one of our staplers - thanks,
    by the way - and used it in one of their films. Trouble is, they painted it red, a color we didn't offer. Ever since, we've been getting calls from customers demanding to order "that red stapler".

    Okay, okay, you win. We took our industry-leading 747 Desk Stapler and gave it a deep, establishment-defying, I'll- flunt-my-individuality-if-I-choose-to red finish. Without sacrificing one staple's worth of solid 747 reliability.

    The only concession we've made, in fact, is to offer the Red 747 exclusively over the Internet, at least for now. And that's a matter of public safety -
    they're in limited supply, and we'd hate to cause riots in the street."

    --
    === The price of freedom is eternal vigilance
  146. novelty of it by bensej · · Score: 1

    It would seem to me that the fact that Swingline now sells it will kill the novelty of the red stapler. As one who has never undertood the act of spending vast sums of money on a product that wil be gaurunteed to be worthless in 5 years it would seem to me that if so many people are gonna run out and get a red stapler then the black ones will subsequently be the way to express your individuality. I guess I'm the cool one with my 70's orange bates 550.

  147. mmmm...yeeeeeaaah.. by c1pher · · Score: 5, Funny

    so if you could just move that article to the end of the posts, that'd be greeeeeaat, ok. Thanks a bunch /.

    --
    The Adult Happy Meal - "I'm lovin' it!"
  148. An Analogy... by autojive · · Score: 1

    Office Space is to us cubicle workers as Saving Private Ryan is to our WWII vets.

    --
    I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.
  149. Re:Your Sig by HBergeron · · Score: 1

    THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal...in every way
    Harrison Bergeron? Vonnegut?

    Nope. The Democrat party's vision statement.

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>&g t;
    Answering the first ? - Yes, the (very) short story influenced my young mind more than most and the fact that he predicted the equality of outcomes movement is, to me, just more evidence of KVs genius.

    Answering the second (pudknocker) Anyone who confuses the ravings of liberal naderites with position of the institutional Democratic party deserves the theocratic, conform of be investigated for unAmericanism, socially stratified state they will end up with.

    --
    THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal...
  150. The choice not-upgrading by tbonium · · Score: 1

    Burn their webserver - IIS 4 (according to NetCraft). The techs are probably working on installing updates and re-service-packing everything. Not to mention all the rebooting. They had no chance of survival. Come back in a week...

  151. Sad Stapler Tale by ZOIDRubashov · · Score: 1

    OK, you're all talking about the movie instead of staplers. Right behind me is the reference desk.
    On it are arrayed a grand total of four staplers.
    There are three black ones and one cream one.
    There used to be one or two burgundy ones (who says red staplers don't sell. I'd imagine burgundy ones are fairly common.) but they must have
    circulated on to someone's desk.

    The reason we have four staplers is one of them is always broken. The worst part is that students using the things try to fix them. "No!" I always
    say. "Just use another one." In my mind's eye,
    I see a student with bloody fingers from trying to manually extract a jammed staple. Even worse is
    a student employee trying to fix a broken stapler.

    There is a good fool proof and very annoying (to the right people) way to fix a jammed stapler. Take it, open it as if you're going to staple
    notices to a corkboard. Then fling it hard against the bottom of a bookshelf or a wall. Watch heads
    in the work room behind the desk turn. Watch
    students go yikes.

    Then pick up the stapler and use it. Chances
    are very very good it works. The toss and impact
    dislodge the jammed staple and gets the other
    staples into line, and nobody risks bloody
    fingers.

    OK, and for being so sweet and patient and putting up with my post, you are all invited for a virtual tour of my office.

    http://nakedmolerat.org.uk/office/

  152. That's my friend's stapler =) by dgrage · · Score: 1

    A friend of mine, actually has one of the coveted red staplers -- complete with lock and chain. You can waste time at work (and get back some of your sanity) by looking at it here.

  153. Easy Solution by wilkinsm · · Score: 2

    Just hit Shift-"Continue" or OK (whichever your printer has on it) and it will ignore what paper you have in there is just start printing. Works every time for me.

    1. Re:Easy Solution by CProgrammer98 · · Score: 2

      Yes I know, but the lame manager that sent that print job did it two hours ago, and there's a backlog of two hours worth of printing because everybody else just thought the printer was broken. It's even worse than that - phb will print something, see no paper coming out and try print it again. And Again. And Again. When someone like me with a clue comes up to collect hardcopy, there's a bazillion pages waiting to print before can get my 5 pages. THAT's what I'm griping about!

      --
      And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour Isaiah 3:5
  154. all your favorite office space quotes: by hex1848 · · Score: 3, Informative

    http://new.wavlist.com/movies/317/

    1. Re:all your favorite office space quotes: by cafebabe · · Score: 2

      WARNING!

      I clicked on the link to read the quotes and it tried to install Gator on my machine. Don't go there (or be really careful if you do.)

      Evil! Evil! Evil!

      --
      When violence rules the world outside / And the headlines make me want to cry / It's not the time to just keep quiet
  155. Red stapler by andy_aardema · · Score: 1

    I actually found one in my fully-stocked desk when I started my last job for a software development company. (Mind you, it wasn't fullsize, but it was indeed a red swingline) That didn't concern me at the time, but sure enough, a few months later they brought in some consultants and fired me along with a bunch of other folks. True story.

    And yes, I took the stapler with me when I left.

  156. Links on Gene Kan by Dragonshed · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    Here on cnn and on cnet
    -1:offtopic :p

  157. The Red Stapler's description and photo by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    From the Swingline website:
    Swingline The Red Stapler
    Ah, the price of fame. Hollywood took one of our staplers - thanks, by the way - and used it in one of their films. Trouble is, they painted it red, a color we didn't offer. Ever since, we've been getting calls from customers demanding to order "that red stapler". Okay, okay, you win. We took our industry-leading 747 Desk Stapler and gave it a deep, establishment-defying, I'll-flaunt-my-individuality-if-I-choose-to red finish. Without sacrificing one staple's worth of solid 747 reliability. The only concession we've made, in fact, is to offer the Red 747 exclusively over the Internet, at least for now. And that's a matter of public safety - they're in limited supply, and we'd hate to cause riots in the street.

    See the Red Stapler here.

    Cheers,
    Luke

  158. Don't you MORONS know what paint is? by osjedi · · Score: 1


    Come on people. If you want a red stapler paint it. If you want to be really hip you could powder coat it. Be creative - you don't have to settle for catalog choices. You'll never express your individuality by ordering off the same menu as the rest of the sheeple. You're going to have to roll up your sleeves and create some things on your own (or mod things someone else created). It's fun and rewarding. One-of-a-kind is always cooler than "first to buy it".

    --
    -=-=-=-=- osjedi uses Debian GNU/Linux. -=-=-=-=-
  159. Re:You never know what will be worth money someday by jerkychew · · Score: 2

    Yes they did, cuz I remember the thing, putz.

  160. Staplers are nice, but... by w00d · · Score: 1

    ..where's my Initech logo coffee mug?

  161. My workplace is all grey & sterile by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    We work in a Smed designed office. Everything is grey with dark blue trim. When we first started in here, all desk accessories had to be Smed-approved (lamps, paper baskets, etc). That rule has kind of fallen by the wayside, happily...the only thing that cheers me up is an insanely rainbow coloured Lisa Frank mousepad. Otherwise, all I see is grey...everyday...

  162. Sloooowww dayyyy by Hoi+Polloi · · Score: 2

    Very slow news day I guess.

    --
    It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains. The stains become a warning
  163. My Favorite Line... by gdyas · · Score: 2

    My favorite quote of this most quotable film is...

    Bob #2: "We're letting go of Michael Bolton & Samir Naya...Naga... Nagonna work here anymore, anyway. Ha!"

    That, and the fax machine beat-down...ah...

    --G

    --

    The only tool you've got against psychosis is experience.

  164. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 1

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  165. Re:yay! by nege · · Score: 1

    Did you SEE the jump to conclusions mat?? I think you could prolly make one. Besides, it is horrible, this idea.

  166. Re:You never know what will be worth money someday by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    My grandmother used to have a red swingline stapler at her house. Ironically, I believe it was lost when the house caught fire. This was a good 15 years ago.

    I'm looking at a "Swingline Tot 50" staper right now. Red plastic cover over a metal body. It's got to be at least 30 years old as the underside is stamped with "Long Island City, 1 NY" which indicates that it pre-dates ZIP postal codes. Also "Made in U.S.A." appears as well along with U.S. Patent 2,702,384 D-164,265

    But the staples are from Stanley Bostitch, since Swingline does not make them any more.

    I wonder what this would be worth on e-bay?

  167. Another favorite line by Paul+E.+Loeb · · Score: 2, Funny

    It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care..

  168. I just watched Office space at work today! by Frank+of+Earth · · Score: 1

    We got back from lunch early so I got the projector, threw in the OS DVD and kicked back.

    I took a screen capture of Lumbergh and have him on my corkboard looking down at me

    "Mmmmm... yeahh....."

    --
    Live web cams
  169. Swingline.com back up by mmcgreal · · Score: 1

    The website's back up (still running IIS4) with a big "Nothing but red" ad on the front page... but what happened to our $16 stapler!? $28.99, my friends!! Well, if they can't admin a website, at least they recognize customer demand when they see it.

  170. Conspiracy Theory by Jim+the+Anti-Bob · · Score: 1

    Is it just me, or does the stapler from the movie look more like the the durable stapler than the new Swingline Red Stapler ? Maybe spray paint is still the best way to get a Milton stapler - ignoring the 100% markup for red paint...(?)

  171. Website Security!?!?! by MrBlue+VT · · Score: 1

    Ok, I click on the add to cart button on the Swingline website, and it pops open an ordering window with a 4 staplers added to the shopping cart. Ok, I think it's a little strange, but change the quantity back to 1, and hit continue to checkout. Next thing I know, I'm looking at an order form with all the text boxes filled out with somebody else's personal information. He's from Bellvue, WA apparently (I'm in Virginia). It also has his credit card number and expiration date!

    This has to be the worst security I've ever seen in an online shopping site. The company who apparently provides the online shopping service for Swingline appears to be an outfit called SureSource.

    Obviously not a company you would ever want to do business with, but how does this speak of other fly-by-night online ordering services?

  172. Re:You never know what will be worth money someday by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    I guess you've been told.

    You may want to reconsider your strategy of being an incorrect, obnoxious, know-it-all asshole.

  173. Red Staplers Are (Not) New? by dwdyer · · Score: 2

    I've had a burgundy-red Swingline 767 for quite a while. VirtualStapler has documented such a beast here. Now, the red 747 does appear to be new, though.

    --
    -dwd-
  174. Rising prices by Alari · · Score: 1

    Funny no one has mentioned this... The fabled red stapler is up to $30 now. =>

    --
    I use Windows... like a two dollar wh.. why don't I just go ahead and not finish that sentence.
  175. Unfortunately, many don't get it by Matt · · Score: 0, Redundant
    When I was at Defcon last year, one day my friend and I went out to a nearby place for lunch.

    When our waitress showed up, her clothes reminded me of the place Jennifer Aniston's character worked. I asked her if she had to wear 15 pieces of flair.

    She apparently had no idea what I was talking about. I was so disappointed. :-)

  176. Swingline's site is handing out random user info. by captainstupid · · Score: 1

    I actually got through to the site some time ago. When I clicked "Add to Cart", three red staples showed up in my card. When I removed the two that I never asked for and clicked "Checkout", the standard form asking for billing and shipping addy's showed up -- WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S INFO. Not someone who works with me or has access to my machine, but someone in Wisconsin. I contacted the person and he informed me that the same happened to him and another person had contacted him informing him of the same. /Groucho/ I've heard of the Slashdot effect, but this is rediculous! /Groucho/

    I doubt that there privacy policy allows for handing out random user info!

    --
    "Anyway, long story short... is a phrase whose origins are complicated and rambling...." - Abraham Simpson
  177. Tom Tomorrow by crucini · · Score: 2

    Dilbert is funny. Tom Tomorrow is not funny - but he may be trying to be funny. Scott Adams has a keen ear for workplace idiocy. Tom Tomorrow does not have much feel for how people really talk and act - his characters are overblown caricatures.
    TT seems to think that if office workers read the right kind of comics they'd rise up in some Marxist revolution against the oppressors.
    The solution to the Dilbert workplace is not some kind of revolution. Rather, go work for a better company. The only reason intelligent people stay in the Dilbert-style workplace is fear, or lack of awareness of alternatives. The best antidote is to maximize savings and avoid debt.
    If I can presume to speak for the Dilbert constituency, we are not communists. We are clear-eyed realists. We don't want our employer to be nice, or to care about us, or to provide jobs for life. We simply want high pay, reasonable hours, respect, clearly defined tasks or responsibilities, and freedom from irrational interference. And (knock on wood) I have been able to get these things.

    1. Re:Tom Tomorrow by MagnaMark · · Score: 1
      Good points.

      Tom Tomorrow does over rely on conspiracy theories and hyperbole, which is why overblown caricatures are his style.

  178. Re:You never know what will be worth money someday by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Ive never see one so therefore it must not exist. Do you perchance work at best buy?

    And before you get all defensive. Remember where you probably read where they never made them. EVERYTHING on the internet must be true right...

  179. The *REAL* Red Swingline.... by JawzX · · Score: 1

    Here it is friends, the REAL Red Swingline.

    It's a "67 Electric" I Like to claim, that since it's painted in 4 layers of hand-rubbed "Ferrari Red" laquer it's the world's fastest stapler, and with a 40 sheet capacity it sure isn't slow =)

    Eat your heart out guys...oh and I beleive that I have my stapler.

    JawzX.

    Big Red 1
    Big Red Close

    --
    A Call For A New Slashdot Moderation Level!
  180. Last post!! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Nahneenahneenahnah!!

  181. Office space/Dilbert moment by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Ok, so I have a "Mutual parting of ways" with work this last spring. The stated reasons were tardiness and not finishing the projects I was assigned. The reality is I was tardy because I was at work until 1 or 2am most nights working on various things I was told were my responsiblity or I knew wouldn't get done otherwise. I wasn't getting my projects done because I was expected to be the helpdesk for 60+ engineers and seemed to be the person who ended up with all of the "little" tasks and projects, also getting stonewalled on absolutely everything that had to be done by someone else tended to slow my projects down. The real reasons I suspect I got canned were refusing to "know my place" and stay quiet and suck it up. I have an unfortunate tendency to tell the emperor he has no clothes. I seem to have attracted the ire of the new CIO who I think was gunning for me within a week of his start date. This combined with a company-wide desire to cut full time staff doomed me. The irony in all of this is after 3 months of collecting unemployment I'm now working 40-50 hours a week as a contractor for the same company, reporting to the same boss, working just on the projects I supposedly couldn't finish, except I'm making 3 times the money, get paid overtime, work less hours, and can tell people who try to dump work on me "I'm sorry that's not part of my contract".