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Satirewire Calls It Quits
stuyman writes "After almost three years, Andrew Marlatt, SatireWire's best (and only) employee is leaving the company. Says Marlatt "I all agreed it's time for me to move on...while the decision was certainly difficult, the meeting was actually quite harmonious. I brought doughnuts." He's going to start doing other things, and it has nothing to do with money. Read about it here. Satirewire has landed, please remain seated until we are fully stopped in the terminal area..." I owe Andrew some heavy laughter, and wish him good luck.
He could at least get the rest of us some doughnuts too.. I want a doughnut. Good luck man!
suing the onion for patent infringement.
Someone you trust is one of us.
I've done a bit of writing at SegFault. (The majority of it right before it went belly up.) It'd be nice if SatireWire would accept submissions now that their main contributor is going onto other things. (Well, main contributor, editor, publisher, errand boy...)
Is there *decent* website we can go to in order to publish our own faux tech news?
How do we now this is not just another part of the joke.
:)
m l
m l
A slashdottting seems like a great way to shut down the site
Satire is a really powerful way to get a message across. This weeks story telling boring people not to encrypt stuff will help me to convince people why they do need cryptography.
http://satirewire.com/news/aug02/encryption.sht
My personal favorite story has to be this one about Microsoft Outlook, i inlcude it anytime some sends me a virus warning.
http://www.satirewire.com/news/0103/outlook.sht
classic just classic
Foot-and-Mouth First Virus Unable To Spread Through Microsoft Outlook
Satire is a powerful weapon.
Satirewire will be dearly missed.
This is too bad, but i'm glad to see he isn't going to keep forcing himself to write even though his heart's gone out of it. Sometimes, with continuous art/literature pieces like Satirewire, the most important thing of all is knowing when to stop.
:) This is better for the readers. It means they can still hear from him from time to time, and his output will be much better because he isn't having to spend all his energy on this hungry website beast.
And at least he's going to keep writing, so unlike, say, Bill Watterson, we're still going to hear from him
That site has been a festering pile of dog snot for the last 9 months or so. Nothing new to say. He didn't just beat a dead horse, he bought a stronger whip, changed riders, proclaimed "this is the way we have always ridden this horse," appointed a committee to study the horse, arranging to visit other satire sites to see how they ride dead horses, increased the standards to ride dead horses, declared that the horse is better, faster and cheaper dead, and finally, harnessed several dead horses together for increased speed.
How about collating SatireWire's articles and publishing a book, a la Dispatches from the 9th CIrcle?
It takes a lot of guts to turn your back on a money-making venture just because you're no longer interested. Too many creative people -- writers, musicians, whatever -- keep going too long, for the money, and damage their careers and their reputations as a result. He's going out at the top, because he's noticed (as have most regular readers) that he's not as funny as he used to be. He'd stalled, but he has enough sense to bail out before he starts descending.
At least he didn't cite creative differences...
Oh, ... wait a minute.
Seriously, I know he says it is not about money, but he's *really* funny, and he shouldn't be barely scraping by, making humor that's genuine and doesn't answer to anybody, b/c that's clearly what he loves.
After all, we may enjoy satirewire a great deal, but this funny man should be exposed to a wider, less geekocentric audience. Instead of doing a webpage, he should trade his notoriety for a job writing for a sitcom, and make good money while his humor is watered down beyond recognition and his imagination is crushed into dust.
Don't be sad because satirewire is gone! Don't be sad, DESPAIR, because the REST of our culture is a soul-destroying wasteland trampling and undermining the human spirit.
The good and new comes from no quarter where it is looked for, and is always something different from what is expected.
In case you can't tell, I'm throwing a virtual tantrum. I've just finished stomping my feet on the floor and now I'm banging my head against my monitor ... ... now I'm holding my breath ... ... really loud now (so I'm holding my hands over my ears) NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo. No, N0, NO!
...
I don't wanna for it to stop.
I want my SatireWire
(can you tell I'm the dad of a 2.5 year old)
No. Okay, Now I'm swatting at the monitor
I'll continue to cycle through these steps until I get what I want, catharsis kicks in, or my wife gets home - whichever occurs first.
healyourchurchwebsite.com - WWJB?
Check out Gagpipe. It's a daily updated list of a bunch of humour sites on the web. Great stuff.
Actually, my favorite satirewire article in recent memory was ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL which sort of highlighted the silliness of identifying three countries as some sort of menace to humanity as a whole. Especially given the fact that Iran and Iraq are bitter enemies the idea that they are some sort of "axis" is crazy.
GMD
watch this
My favorite was the one about Australia going on a bender, whining about not getting any respect, and waking up in the mid-Atlantic with a hangover.
My second favorite was the one about "all that foreign shit on the internet."
Thaks for the laughs.
You damn quitter.
-- Will program for bandwidth
The best laughs I've had from SatireWire:
Are you tangential?
Imagine there's no countries
Should Marty Xerox Egypt?
Least-used chat e-bbreviations
Ask the startled
Men do talk about relationships
Canada has a waship? like for war?
God names next chosen people; it's Jews again
New "Segway Human Transporter" not tested for acronyms
I don't read ACs: If a post isn't worth so much as a nom de plume to its author then I wont bother either.
New Haven, Conn. (OSDNews) -- Federal investigators descended on the front door of SatireWire's Andrew Marlatt armed with search warrants and cease and desist notices.
Marlatt, who just recently announced his retirement from the web site, is now the focus of an investigation focusing on financial dealings with himself. In a memo obtained by OSDNews, we have learned that Mr. Marlatt awarded himself quite a hefty sum of money as a settlement for firing himself. When questioned about it, Mr. Marlatt replied "I had that in my contract. I had told myself that if I ever wanted to quit, I was not going to walk away with nothing. And just because I am taking 100% out of the company should not mean I am trying to steal all it's funds!"
President Bush, speaking on condition of anonymity, expressed concerned regarding such shady dealings and was quoted as saying "this is exactly the type of deals we need to stop. How can it be that someone can work hard to build something, then shut it down and take all the profits? I might need to have the IRS investigate this character!".
Meanwhile, the Slashdot community was both saddened by the news, and upset at the fact Mr. Marlatt had not bought doughnuts for them.
We contacted CowboyNeal via telephone, but were unable to make out what he said over the incredible sobbing noises he was making.
---
Thank you Andrew! You made us all laugh!
did you even read the article?!?
"New Haven, Conn. -- Citing creative differences, SatireWire's founder and sole employee, Andrew Marlatt, announced that as of today, the site will no longer be updated."
[emphasis added]
- mark
But you did not.
Time and again creative people will leave the game when they are at the top. I forget who said it, but a nice answer that one creative person said to the question of why they chose to stop while at the zenith of their success:
I would rather leave and have them ask "Why did you leave?", instead of waiting years after my heart was no longer in it, and then have them ask "Why didn't you leave?"
-----
Cast a Cold Eye
On Life, on Death
Horseman, pass by
--W.B. Yeats' gravestone
Nobody told me! I never heard of SatireWire and now it's gone?!?
Damn you! Damn you all to hell!!!
*cough*
Oh well. Is there any other tech humour sites I don't know about?
Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.
The best that can be said of it is that of all the countless Onion knock-offs, it was the least offensive.
"Enough of this wretched, whining monkey life." -- Marcus Aurelius, _Meditations_, Book 9, 37
everytime he called in sick, he knew it was a lie.
try { do() || do_not(); } catch (JediException err) { yoda(err); }
Heck, we've had ascii art of cows on the front page.
Best Slashdot Co
If you're going through your act, and you're in the last 5 minutes, and you hit a bit in your routine that has the audience rolling, then you say "Thank you, good night!" and get off the stage. Nothing is worse than finishing on a bit that doesn't get a laugh. Always leave them laughing, even if it means leaving the last bit of your routine undone.
Unfortunately, recent political figures seem to have adapted this strategy.
Maybe the state's highest function is to grind out insoluble problems. (Zelazny, Hall of Mirrors)