Slashdot Mirror
Microsoft Antitrust Judgement
An anonymous reader writes "Here are the links to the as-yet-unreleased judgement in the Microsoft case by CKK: Final Decree, Memorandum Opinion, Public Interest Order, Opinion on the State Settlement, State Settlement Order." In brief: Kollar-Kotelly accepts the settlement that the Federal Gov't and some states wanted, but she wants a minor change to it; and she has decided the case which was pursued by the other states as well, mostly ordering Microsoft to refrain from certain behaviors with regard to the user-visible desktop. Overall: a massive win for Microsoft, who can restrict the release of its APIs to major commercial companies only.
Microsoft Corp. anounces MS Lawyer 2k - This exciting new product translates any sentence or paragraph into pages upon pages of unintelligable lawyer speak. Vanessa Roberts, VP of Public Relations at Microsoft was quoted as saying "we have been using this product for years for our EULA's and to intimidate small competitors, we just figured it's about time we shared the wealth".
I downloaded the initial order quickly. The opinion... took a little longer... now... can't get to anything.
Congratulations people... you just slashdoted the United States of America Judicial System.
...And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me." - Martin Niemoeller (1892-1984)
I hear the Microsoft bashers rattling their sabers... ~S
Will look something like this: /. posting too many anti-Microsoft posts.
86% - Yeah! Linux Rules! MS Sucks!
10% - Trolls
2% - People who actually read the decisions and have something thoughtful to say
2% - People complaining about
Why bother even looking at the comments?
If a and b in c, and a can create b, and a can create a, and b can create b, and b cannot create a, then a created c.
I'll put some kind of summary text here once I've had a chance to read it.
WTF? Ok, I'll put some kind of response here after you've posted it.
Best Windows Freeware
Slashdot has posted a story which reports that there will soon be a story to report. Is there something I should know about Microsoft and why it is important enough to merit the posting of such a pre-story?
Dr. Joseph Hairston
Superintendent, CCBC
Is /. allowed to post a story before even Matt Drudge gets his grubby little hands on it?
when the court ruling is released.
http://www.mugshots.net/bill_gates/
No problem - someone's head has been saved by the ever-helpful Slashdot readership, who have melted down the server already. So keep on clicking until the markets close :)
Click "I agree" below to accept the terms of this Final Decree.
[I Agree] [I Do Not Agree]
Obliteracy: Words with explosions
. . Did you, at any time in your life, invest in a Ford Pinto? . . .
As far as I'm concerned, the italian BMT is the best value there, in terms of taste, and in terms of meat. If you want extra meat in your sub, you have to make friends with the crew behind the counter. Short of hanging out with them, always know what you want ahead of time, say your order loudly and quickly, and smile.
you'll be overflowing in succlent meats in no time!
g to the oatse
c to the izzex
The kitchen sink is part of the vital anti-virus activity known as "washing the dishes", and can therefore be kept secret.
That's "Mr. Soulless Automaton" to you, Bub.
That is indeed an accurate summary. Point J is the crucial one, which is the "Microsoft can ignore the rules" clause.
Technobabble meets Lawyer speak and makes totally incomprehensible language.
Granted, what I did understand looks good to me.
Question: When will we get a compiler to spit out java bytecode for this decision and install the new version into the Microsoft Corporate App Server? Because frankly, expecting a human being to follow this judgement is just as good as expecting a human being to parse parallel super computer algorithms in their head. Sure there are a few people who can do it, but they probably have better things to do with their time. At least I hope that they do.
Its a real shame that the judgement wasnt just this:
"PLAY NICE"
42 - So long and thanks for all the fish.
Mainly the other states which haven't agreed yet, it ain't over till it's over. In fact the judge preciding the case mentioned:
"If Microsoft thinks that it has gotten off easy, please remember that the full judgement of the courts of this country have yet to be reached, and as such the company should expect a long and hard road should they not comply with additional measures voluntarily. It would not bode well should they attempt to circumvent the decisions of this court, and would certainly not reflect in a positive way on their corporate practices. As once stated by Henry Ford: 'In these times a buisiness must stand for one thing only, and that is most certainly not the GO-AN principle, that is: GO-AN Fuck yourself'."
To conclude the judge was quoted as saying: "Remember the great smee. As in: Smee again, GO-AN fuck yourself. Thank you microsuck you heartless bunch of sons of bitches."
I'll put some kind of summary text here once I've had a chance to read it.
Why read it? Why not just speculate wildly about it, like everyone else is going to do?
They can still hide API calls if they feel that it might effect security!
"Okay, we are here to decide which API calls to disclose... Let's look at the first one..."
"Hmmm.. This looks like a dangerous one to disclose.. If we disclose this one our competition will be able to make products that work as well as our products do with Windows. We would loose sales and that would take away revenue. With out the revenue we won't be able to hire as many software engineers. With out the engineers our products will be less secure..."
"Okay no on the first one. Next API..."
The race isn't always to the swift... but that's the way to bet!
they wanted to test out the new /. servers, this big story is the way to do it.
Runnin' On Empty
MS: I gots a question for you Ms. Judge
Judge: Yes, the ruling is final however
MS: Jus' one question. Ever seen Bill Gates
Judge: Um... yeah, why?
MS: Does he look like a bitch?
Judge: Um... I don't see what this has to do with anything...
MS: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH!?
Judge: No... not really but I still don't...
MS: Then why did you fuck him like a bitch?
I can't tell if they announced the final decree in the Microsoft case, or if they're trying to say the employees of Microsoft caught some kind of new STD.
Trolls lurk everywhere. Mod them down.
Well, since the links were not publicly accessible yet, and had not yet been officially released, this may constitute hacking according to some individuals (see thread about reuters).
Thanks to slashdot for making us all criminals.... i feel l33t now...
[Something witty and intelligent should have appeared here.]
{Traicovn}
Looks like they're going to need a "Compliance Officer." Think I'll submit my resume. I'm quite compliant, and I'll work for less than 100k. That's dollars, not stock.
Hey freaks: now you're ju
I like Microsoft.
The software store was selling them for 5 a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like Microsoft.
I took my 200 Microsoft home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the Microsoft were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap Microsoft.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead Microsoft lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet Microsoft and 199 dead, dry Microsoft.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead Microsoft in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two Microsoft at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet Microsoft in my toilet, two dead, frozen Microsoft in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred Microsoft in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my Microsoft and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my Microsoft. I felt better.
I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred software. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like Microsoft
the next release will not be called windows, and none of this will apply anyhow.
Alex Trebeck: "Microsoft Antitrust Judgement"
*beep*beep*beep*
Contestant: "What is the sound of one wrist slapping, Alex?"
Alex Trebeck: "Yes for $400!"
Bill Clinton: Pimp we can believe in. - The Shirt!!!
The amount of money you threw at your lawyers. ($80,000,000)
"Gifts" to key government officials. ($20,000,000)
Propaganda designed to lure the public into complacity. ($20,000,000)
Getting off basically free of any real restrictions that will let you continue in basically the same manner as before, and any attempt to bring you to trial again will take another 5-10 years. Priceless.
(I'm itching to know the real numbers)
I sir, am on the corporate compliance committee and I resent your previous remark. Let me assure that all stipulations expressed in the decree will be given the utmost scrutiny by our obfuscation, colloqiuization and philibusterization subcommittee.
We plan on issuing our final report right after we submit requests for the passage of the board of director compensation enhancement proxy vote.
Excuse me now, time for tea on the south lawn with lubby.
From http://uptime.netcraft.com/up/graph/?mode_u=off&mo de_w=on&site=www.dcd.uscourts.gov
we find:
The site www.dcd.uscourts.gov is running Netscape-Enterprise/4.1 on Linux.
So the website is on Linux, and the Judge is on drugs. I suppose that's some progress.
Paid for by all linux users? What kind of punishment is that!!
For what my two cents are worth...
o -Needs-Him?
This guy's right. Michael has zero credibility with any Microsoft story. My first reaction when I saw all the links about the case was, "I should probably go to Yahoo or Google and look for a summary." Then I saw the editor's "I'll post a summary," and I thought, "Great! Now that's a service! Well managed!" And then I saw it was michael, and said, "I should probably go to Yahoo or Google and look for a summary."
This is not said with emotion or rancor, not even disappointment (at this stage). It just is what it is. [shrug] I don't know whose job it is to dole out the postings, but if it's done in any manner other than the most current stuff going to the editor on duty, the person in charge should have had the good sense NOT to give such an important MS story to Michael.
Yeah, yeah, I know the drill: Mod down
-1 FlameBait
-2 OffTopic
-2 you-think-you-know-better-than-us!
-4 Troll
-1 Your-Alliance-to-Open-Source-Is-Suspect
-3 He's-Probably-An-MS-Schill!
-2 He-Hasn't-Posted-Anything-Really-Funny-In-Days-Wh
"Click "I agree" below to accept the terms of this Final Decree.
[I Agree] [I Do Not Agree]"
Should have made the I agree part link to the goatse guy.
-- "Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else."
To: Geekee (minion2678096138894@microsoft.com)
Subject: Astroturfing
You idiot! Rule 1 of astroturfing is to at least try to sound objective. Otherwise, you just don't have any credibility. "The whole concept of antitrust legislation is an attack on freedom" sounds like something you would hear coming out of the steel cartel early in the early 20th century (on a side note, those guys are like gods to me. Curse the government for screwing them over!). Next time, why don't you just put "ASTROTURF" in the subject line and save readers the trouble!
I don't want to see any more of this crap coming out of Redmond. Next time, say something that sounds reasonable, like "How is having the best product and trying to sell it at a competitive rate coercive strong-arming?" Note how I use a well-established logical fallacy to make a point that is entirely irrelevent to the issue at hand. Now, I'm afraid we're going to have to send you to three more weeks of Astroturf training before we let you out again. Sorry. Report to The Secret Training Vault first thing Monday.
Sincerely,
Dread Lord Bill
Today's Sesame Street was brought to you by the number e.
from the cnn article: "...and require that the company release some technical data so software developers can write programs for Windows that work as well as Microsoft products do."
and they kept a straight face?
WASHINGTON (DC) Nov. 1. Judge Kollar-Kotelly, asserting a rarely used Federal Appellant Court authority, issued a second legal ruling today, this one concerning the case of two suspects charged with going on a shooting rampage in the Washington DC area. The suspects will be released immediately, but ONLY after agreeing under oath not to shoot any more innocent victims. The guns found in the alleged snipers' possesion will not be returned for a period of 5 years, and then ONLY if the two are found in compliance with this decree. Compliance will be determined by a 2 person committee made up of the snipers themselves.
You know, it seems like Microsoft could get around a lot of those judgements simply by changing the name of their OS from "Windows" to something else.
"Leave the strategizing to those of us with planet-sized brains." -Tycho
It means "Please remain bent over, the ass-poundings will resume shortly."
python -c "x='python -c %sx=%s; print x%%(chr(34),repr(x),chr(34))%s'; print x%(chr(34),repr(x),chr(34))"
to "Slashdote" (verb), when a geek stares in awe at something technology related, cooing over it, showering it in praise. (Derived from modern English: slash from slashdot and dote from... well... dote)
Pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will! - Antonio Gramsci.