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Tornado in a Can

geyser writes "What stuff matters more than a device that can tear things apart? Frank Polifka has a patent on his Windhexe device that creates a tornado force wind. Besides pulverizing concrete, it can pulverize small objects including jelly fish, and chicken feet without destroying the organic compounds. The chickens don't like it. Is this really a prototype Quake weapon? I could only find newspaper articles about the device. Has anyone seen it in action and can you give us a first hand report?"

31 of 383 comments (clear)

  1. Waste processing? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

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    " Whether there are vast riches to be made from pulverizing chicken poop or poultry parts into powder remains to be seen. The trick will be whether the machine can transform the various substances into products worth more than the processing costs."

    Sounds like he's trying to kick up a real shitstorm.
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    1. Re:Waste processing? by rodgerd · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Certainly no-one aware of the problems associated with prion diseases will want more mechanically reclaimed meat.

    2. Re:Waste processing? by hph · · Score: 5, Informative

      Interesting link: Chicken McShitlets

      Yummy chicken!

  2. Tornado in a *Box* by ekrout · · Score: 5, Funny

    IDE hard drive!

    (No, seriously. The warranties are for, like, 2 years now. They slowly spin themselves apart until the data is nonsense.)

    --

    If you celebrate Xmas, befriend me (538
  3. "it can pulverize ... jelly fish" by stratjakt · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm sure this is cool, but that doesn't exactly fill my heart with fear.

    --
    I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!!!!
    1. Re:"it can pulverize ... jelly fish" by stratjakt · · Score: 5, Funny

      Well, then say it can destroy stone.

      If it can destroy stone, then jelly fish is a given, is it not?

      Hell, every jelly fish I seen came pre-pulverised.

      How does it work on wet noodles or oatmeal?

      --
      I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!!!!
    2. Re:"it can pulverize ... jelly fish" by ForceOfWill · · Score: 5, Informative

      The point with the jellyfish is that it both dries them out and turns the dried jellyfish into powder. RTA.

      --

      --
      Seeing is believing; You wouldn't have seen it if you didn't believe it.
  4. Remember what they said in Spider-Man.... by User+956 · · Score: 5, Funny

    With great tornado in a can comes great responsibility.

    --
    The theory of relativity doesn't work right in Arkansas.
  5. [ I Found His Patent Application ] by ekrout · · Score: 5, Informative

    It's for Apparatus and method for circular vortex air flow material grinding.

    It's dated March 7, 2002 and the applicant is listed as Polifka, Francis D..

    You can read it at http://appft1.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=P TO2&Sect2=HITOFF&p=1&u=/netahtml/PTO/search-bool.h tml&r=1&f=G&l=50&co1=AND&d=PG01&s1=Polifka&OS=Poli fka&RS=Polifka

    --

    If you celebrate Xmas, befriend me (538
    1. Re:[ I Found His Patent Application ] by dr_dank · · Score: 5, Funny

      Its been around MUCH longer than that. Wile E. Coyote was the first buyer, IIRC.

      --
      Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
  6. Actually by Flamesplash · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Sounds like a good way to reduce land fill space. Just pulverize everything to the molecular level shake and let settle.

    --
    "Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door." - Emily Dickinson
    1. Re:Actually by kableh · · Score: 5, Insightful

      I believe some landfills use waste methane to produce power. Perhaps by pulverizing waste and feeding it into a digester you could produce enough power to smash the waste in the first place? =) And the remaining byproduct could be sold as cheap fertilizer.

  7. Samples of this product.... by craenor · · Score: 5, Funny

    somehow found their way to local trailer parks, resulting in total devastation when they were mistaken for cans of beer.

  8. What a waste(no pun intended)... by dethl · · Score: 5, Funny

    To test their theory, the Vortex folks have thrown in rocks, diapers, tomatoes, sweet potato rejects from the farm down the road, 400 pounds of Oreo cookies, frozen pizza dough, even a dead bird.

    Damn...what a waste of Oreo's :(

    --
    "Some fight for law. Some fight for justice. What will you fight for? One day, you will see."
    1. Re:What a waste(no pun intended)... by cybermace5 · · Score: 5, Funny

      ...rocks, diapers, tomatoes, sweet potato rejects from the farm down the road, 400 pounds of Oreo cookies, frozen pizza dough, even a dead bird./I

      Sounds like a church casserole.

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      ...
    2. Re:What a waste(no pun intended)... by cybermace5 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Windhexe Haikus:

      Nature's fury tamed
      A mighty vortex unleashed
      Grinds poop to powder.

      A free CD falls
      One thousand hours now becomes
      One million fragments.

      --
      ...
  9. No PHBs... by Cap'n+Canuck · · Score: 5, Funny

    So when a grain buyer came to Polifka and asked him to design a portable machine to mill grain, Polifka started tinkering around in his workshop on the farm. He has a high school diploma and a certificate from diesel engine school, but he's been dreaming up machines for most of his life. Over the years, he's invented everything from an industrial-strength mulcher to a vehicle to carry implements around the farm.

    Even so, it took him 15 years to make a tornado in a can that he was satisfied with. And though physicists and engineers are at a loss as to how exactly it works, he's happy to explain how he made it.


    It sounds like this guy is about as far removed from shedules and deadlines as anyone I have ever seen....

  10. that's nice but .... by pyros · · Score: 5, Funny

    I want a blamethrower.

    1. Re:that's nice but .... by Fjord · · Score: 5, Funny

      Well, it's not my fault you don't have one.

      --
      -no broken link
  11. Chicken Backs by YAN3D · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Each year, the U.S. poultry industry generates about 4 million tons of blood, feathers, heads, feet and entrails, including some 300,000 tons on the Delmarva Peninsula."

    I thought they had this problem licked with the advent of the chicken McNugget.

    "Running that material through a drier and then through Polifka's machine could produce a powder form of those poultry byproducts that could be sold as a flavoring"

    Geek #1:"Mmmmm,these Gorditas are wonderful!!"
    Geek #2:"Yeah, but they could use a little more chicken back if you ask me."
  12. Tornado in a can? by nochops · · Score: 5, Funny

    Tornado in a can?

    It looks to me like a tornado in a room. Judging by that picture, this will work great as a prototype Quake weapon. You just have to tell your enemy "OK, now sit right here under this blue cone looking thing, while I pulverize you".

    Not exactly portable is it?

    --
    "A terrorist is someone who has a bomb but doesn't have an air force." -William Blum
  13. The BOfH seetest dream... by Ektanoor · · Score: 5, Funny

    The BOfH seats at his desk... Calmly plays another party of Quake... Someone rings the door bell.

    Who's there? - says the BOfH with some irritation that someone messed with his chance to break his 1374th frag record.

    Oh, this is department XXX. You have a problem, the network doesn't work.

    Couldn't you say that by the phone?..

    Oh, well. We could but it was busy and we thought it was a lot easier to talk to you directly...

    Well, come in... - The BOfH presses the button and the door opens...

    Ooops sorry what is this funny small dark room here?

    Oh, well. That's a small hall to avoid noises and dust coming up here. We have some sensitive equipement here... Just close the outdoor so I can open the inner door...

    Oh, cool. Yeah, you amy be right, you have quite a dusty corridor just outside, you kn.. BAHM! FRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

    A bunch of dust flows over the corridor, the BOfH calmly concludes: "No person, no problem... back to the game..."

  14. Re:Why does chicken walk into tornado by tchdab1 · · Score: 5, Funny

    To get all over every side.

    Thank you, I'll be here all week.

  15. Re:Crack Pots Win Again by bytesmythe · · Score: 5, Funny
    thinking outside the box

    Or, in this case, thinking in the can.
    Isn't that where everyone does their best thinking anyway? ;)

    --
    bytesmythe
    Hypocrisy is the resin that holds the plywood of society together.
    -- Scott Meyer
  16. Cremation made easy. by _Sambo · · Score: 5, Funny

    Business Idea for the Tornado-in-a-can guy:

    Does the thought of being burned like yesteryear's garbage after you die curl your toes?

    With the new Tornadoom swirly treatment you can be pulverized into ashes without the messy, smoking, hellish addition of flame.

    Remember the first time a bully flushed your head in the mens room in Jr. High? Well now you can go out in full geek colors. The Tornadoom is like a permanent swirly that lasts forever. Make your shame of the past an eternal badge of honor.

    Reduce the cost of burial to your family. For only $12/hr in electrical costs, you can be ground into dry powder. You can then be used to fertalize the garden, be a pet-food additive, or achieve any one of several higher self-fulfilling goals.

    When you go to your funeral director to plan for that ever-coming day of doom, ask for Tornadoom!

  17. Finally a legitimate patent on a real invention by ckokotay · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Things such as this are what the patent system was designed for. This is a legitimate 'new' device that performs a 'new' function that was previously unavailable - and it deserves a patent.

    Of course, someone will hook it up to a computer and obtain a new patent for 'Method of using a tornado in a can with a computer'

    Oh well, something may never change.

    --
    It does not matter what you do, it's wrong.
  18. What is going on by panurge · · Score: 5, Informative
    I'm going to be all serious and try and put together a sensible post about this thing.

    First of all, vortex technology is quite respectable nowadays. As well as the Dyson cleaner, which gets more effective with each generation, there is the work on vortex particulate removers for Diesel engines and powder paint shops. The basic principle seems to be that the air is made to spiral down the vortex chamber in ever narrowing circles. As it does so, its angular velocity increases so that particulates experience an increasing force which carries them to the vortex walls.

    Now, in a conventional vortex cleaner, you want non-turbulent flow to keep those particles going in the right direction. But what if the flow becomes turbulent? As it breaks up you would have small localised regions of extremely high turbulence in an environment of increasing angular momentum - so that instead of having a turbulent flow of air scrubbing a single surface, you could have lots of small turbulent flows in three dimensions. That sounds like a pretty effective way of abrading things with a soft medium that would do what is claimed.

    So why does the Post talk about scientists being baffled? Well, as a 2c worth, perhaps it's because they have to talk up the story and perhaps it's because the journo didn't know the difference between a vortex chamber and a plate of gefulte fish and wanted to report that everybody else stood around looking stupid too. (In view of the Dow Jones case decision in Australia perhaps I should add this is just my personal opinion, wild speculations, journalists are all genius saviours of mankind etc.)

    Perhaps the next Dyson cleaner will not just pick up the dust but act as a dry waste disposal unit as well. Or perhaps not.

    --
    Panurge has posted for the last time. Thanks for the positive moderations.
  19. one question about the article by subgeek · · Score: 5, Funny

    what exactly is a cone-shaped cylinder? is it related to the pyramid-shaped cube?

    --
    you probably shouldn't have read this.
  20. Re:They're going to feed us what?? by Znonymous+Coward · · Score: 5, Interesting

    You know some guy down at the sewer treatment plant is saying "hey Larry.. I'll bet I could convince someone that its food.."

    Actually, treated sewage sludge is regularly used to grow vegetables.

    http://www.organicconsumers.org/Toxic/sewadge_sl ud ge.cfm

    --

    Karma: The shiznight, mostly because I am the Drizzle.

  21. DISEASE VECTOR!!! by Ashurnasipal · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Ya know, a friend of mine died of Jakob-Kreutzfeld disease not too long ago.

    It's supposed that he got it from eating beef contaminated by BSE, Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, which is a prion disease spread through the industry practice of feeding butcher's waste to cattle.

    Cannibalism is bad, people. Ref. Oliver Sach's description of diseases among the descendants of cannibals. It's an unhealthy feedback loop, that optimizes disease organisms.

    So, the poultry farmers have already spread salmonella through the entire US chicken industry with their unsound practices, now they want to do it better, cheaper, faster.

    So much for chicken soup as health food.

  22. Re:Legitimate ... and a shame by StevenMaurer · · Score: 5, Insightful

    The alternative is even more stifling.

    The inventor - seeing that his invention could too easily be copied by a large multinational - decides not to risk money for nothing, but instead goes back to his real job, farming.

    No invention. No innovation.

    We see a lot of this kind of behavior in the software industry today. Microsoft has made such a business of stealing other people's useful ideas, there isn't much innovation left anymore - outside of the hundreds of freeware grad-student projects that makes up the backbone of Gnu/Open Source/Linux.

    Now I am not defending the joke software patents have become either, where adding "...with a computer!" is considered "innovation" by our rubber stamp patent office. But some degree of protection is needed, including both a comment period and a looser pays system for claims.

    Effectively the problem with patents is twofold:

    1] It is too easy to get a bogus patent, with which you can bully people who don't have the legal resources to fight your ludicrous claim.

    2] It is too easy for large companies to simply ignore small patents, knowing that judges are very reluctant to enforce the law against them (it's not just Microsoft that gets this kind of special treatment, Intel is famous for this).