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Old Age Simulator

Posted by michael on from the strap-on dept.

quackking writes "Tired of being young and healthy? Now you can simulate your own old age. This story describes a sensory-modification suit which, among other things, selectively blocks out certain sound frequencies, and lets you experience arthritis."

30 of 197 comments (clear)

  1. And if this sounds like too much work... by Jace+of+Fuse! · · Score: 5, Funny

    If using this sounds like too much work, you can just put it off and eventually it will all sort it's self out in the end.

    --

    "Everything you know is wrong. (And stupid.)"

    Moderation Totals: Wrong=2, Stupid=3, Total=5.
  2. Reminds me of SNL by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

    Eddie Murphy dressing up as a white man to find out what it's like was hilarious. "You all walk like you have a stick up your asses."

    1. Re:Reminds me of SNL by Tablizer · · Score: 2, Funny

      Eddie Murphy dressing up as a white man to find out what it's like...."You all walk like you have a stick up your asses."

      Being that Eddie has a feddish for transvestites, he probably already knows exactly how such a "stick" feels.

      Reminds of a sick joke: "Eddie Murphy was seen at Richard Geer's house dressing up hamsters with pink bows and lipstick."

      --
      Table-ized A.I.
  3. Old age? by DavidLeblond · · Score: 5, Funny

    That doesn't sound very fun. What about a young-person simulator for the older folks?

  4. I want the opposite. by stripmarkup · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm already old and unhealthy. Will I feel young and healthy if I wear that suit inside-out? What happens if I wear it as is? Do I die?

    --
    See charts for twitter trends on Trendistic
  5. You mean like this? by wiggys · · Score: 4, Funny
    "When I were a lad we had to manage with less than a gigabyte of memory. My computer could only manage a billion operations per second and hard-drives were typically around the 120 gig level and we thought that was huge!

    You lot don't know you're born..."

    --

    Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

  6. there is by newsdee · · Score: 5, Funny

    What about a young-person simulator for the older folks?

    it's called viagra

    --
    The ENIAC Demo Competition
  7. cheaper alternative by selderrr · · Score: 5, Funny

    get kids. In no time, your hearing capabilities get reduced fenomenaly, and once they weigh over 15kg, arthritis is instantaneous.

    Aditionally, they give you migraine and insomnia, and once they get into puberty, a stroke seems more familiar than a quiet day.

    --
    When will I end this grieving ? When will my future begin ?
  8. In KGB's Soviet Russia... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    ...old age suits YOU! What a coun-try!

  9. Other Features by Cyno01 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Does the suit thingy force you to tell 'back in my day' stories about walking uphill in the snow barefoot to chop firewood and spend a nickle on a movie?

    --
    "Sic Semper Tyrannosaurus Rex."
  10. this isnt really an old age simulator by funkmastermike · · Score: 2, Funny

    there should be an old age simulator...

    WITH XRAY VISION

    I mean seriously, by the time I'm that old, the xray vision goggles will be mass produced

  11. Cheaper Version by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    I thought you could just hang out by a reactor core to quickly experience the effects of old age. Radiation is available very cheaply.

  12. Inspirational by Golias · · Score: 5, Funny
    Sounds like it was designed to make aging baby boomers want to kill themselves now, saving money in the Social Security system.

    "This is what you got to look forward to, if you keep haning around. Shall I call Dr. Kevorkian now? We have his office on speed-dial."

    Will version II of the suit also screw up your short-term memory and give you bad skin?

    --

    Information wants to be anthropomorphized.

    1. Re:Inspirational by InsaneCreator · · Score: 5, Funny

      Will version II of the suit also screw up your short-term memory and give you bad skin?

      It seems old people and pot-smoking teenagers have more in common than I thought... ;)

  13. also known as by Joe+the+Lesser · · Score: 4, Funny

    The new virtual funland: Geriatric Park!

    --
    "I only speak the truth"
    Karma: null(Mostly affected by an unassigned variable)
  14. Future plans... by updog · · Score: 5, Funny
    The helmet has a visor which both restricts the line of vision and wraps it in a dull yellowish tinge.

    Future plans include a picture of Janet Reno visible from the inside of the helmet, to simulate impotence... (ok, that's not very nice :-)

  15. Re:You know what? by dirkdidit · · Score: 5, Funny

    Have sex/masturbate frequently.
    The majority of /.ers have the masturbate part down, so I don't think that's too much of a problem.

  16. "Impatience Machine." by cribcage · · Score: 5, Funny

    That sounds terrific. Because if there's one thing I'm tired of, it's all those damn old people marching around, bragging about their loss of hearing, uncontrollable trembling, and incontinence.

    Kudos to the scientists who came up with this miracle device. Drive-thru windows insured that I don't have to wait for my hamburger. Fotomat made certain I wouldn't have to wait for my pictures. Now, thanks to this wondrous creation, I don't even have to wait to feel old!!

    Seriously: The next time you scientists wake up bored, on a rainy Sunday, looking for something to do...CANCER. Forget Viagra, Rogaine, and "old machines." CURE CANCER.

    Christ...

    --

    Please don't read my journal
  17. one more change needed by carpe_noctem · · Score: 3, Funny

    I don't think the gloves are gonna help me be more obstanant and stubborn.

    --
    "Quoting famous computer scientists out of context is the root of all evil (or at least most of it) in programming." - K
  18. Check Out the Story by cribcage · · Score: 3, Funny

    The most amazing part of this story? This thing comes from Berlin. ...'Cause if there's ever been a more American-sounding invention, I've never heard of it.

    (Although I suppose the fact that it doesn't come armed with two semi-automatic pistols might have been a clue...)

    crib

    --

    Please don't read my journal
  19. Can you reverse the polarity? by bjorky · · Score: 3, Funny

    Can you put the batteries in backward and have it make your feel young and foolish again?

    Well, I guess you could get that with a few whacks to the head.

    --

    "Defenestration" is to throw out of a window; what's a word for throwing 'Windows' out of something?
  20. Tired of being young, cool, and attractive? by TeknoHog · · Score: 4, Funny

    Solution: Read Slashdot.

    --
    Escher was the first MC and Giger invented the HR department.
  21. Re:29 years old and ready for grave by freejung · · Score: 3, Funny

    "It's not the years, baby, it's the mileage." -- Indiana Jones

    --
    My site: Free Nature Pictures
  22. Re:You know what? by aiken_d · · Score: 3, Funny

    Eat healthy food. Pretend you're a car. Would you put sugar into your gas tank? Of course not. So don't eat junk food either.

    So, er, you drink only Premium Unleaded gasoline? I'm not sure I even want to know what you do with motor oil and other lubricants. On the whole, I'm not at all sure that the whole "pretend you're a car" approach is all that healthy. Besides, do you put apple slices in your gas tank?

    Good things will come, and you and I will still be roaming these hills for 100+ years to come!

    ...unless you get hit by a bus at 35 years old. Tempting fate is never smart, and this post of yours is damned close to declaring yourself unsinkable. I can only hope that you live far away and that we never share an airplane.

    Cheers
    -b

    --
    If I wanted a sig I would have filled in that stupid box.
  23. Old Age Simulator for Geeks. by CFBMoo1 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Quake 3 on....

    50-60's - IBM PS/1 or a Tandy 1000 EX with the external 5.25" fopppy drive. 300bps modem sold seperate.

    60's-70's - Radio Shack Color Computer 2, Commodor 64, or an old TI 99/4A. Acustic couplers sold seperate.

    70's+ - MITS Altair 8800 where the frame rate is dependent on how quickly you interpret the lights and turn the knobs on an Etcha-Sketch. Tin cans and string sold sperate.

    --
    ~~ Behold the flying cow with a rail gun! ~~
    1. Re:Old Age Simulator for Geeks. by Tablizer · · Score: 2, Funny

      How about just a Geek Simulator so that non-geeks know what it is like.

      Rejection by pretty guys/girls (depending on gender), BO spray, thick glasses, alarm goes off if participant tries to go outside a building, recorded sounds of mumbling about PHB's (the 'suits'), required licking of pizza and Cheezit crumbs off of a keyboard, and no leaving until a decent score on the Bill Gates dart board and/or a 5-inch pile of Jizz using cheap porn.

      --
      Table-ized A.I.
  24. I Simulate Arthritis... by Master+of+Transhuman · · Score: 3, Funny

    by sitting in my chair for hours reading Slashdot posts...

    This also simulates senility and Alzheimer's...

    Bad for my diet, too...

    And you should see what it does to my love life... Does the word "virtual" ring a bell (as in "virtually none")?

    --
    Richard Steven Hack - This sig is TOO GODDAMN SHORT TO DO ANYTHING USEFUL WITH! MORONS!
  25. Florida? by Myriad · · Score: 3, Funny
    The new virtual funland: Geriatric Park!

    I thought it was called Florida?

    --
    "They do not preach that their god will rouse them, a little before the Nuts work loose." Kipling, 'The Sons of Martha'
  26. Re:You know what? by Snafoo · · Score: 3, Funny

    Fuck happy! Science has proven that happiness is no better than misery. I, for one, choose misery: It's way easier to come by, and if you wear a black beret and smoke Gauloises, chicks will dig you.

    --
    - undoware.ca
  27. Re:Age Explorer is a Elderly-discriminating Machin by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Probably the most important determinant, for someone in our prosperous society, is what parents they chose.

    You got to pick your parents??? Why didn't somebody tell me this before? I got stuck with the afraid-the-computer-will-explode-any-minute mother and a let's-open-the-case-and-see-how-much-damage-we-can -cause father. But geez, if I'd known that I had a choice!