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Microsoft: We Make Hackers Obsolete
bahamat writes "This article explains how Microsoft was forced to yank a magazine ad by the Advertising Standards Authority. In the ad MS claims that they'll make the hacker extinct. The tagline reads "Microsoft software is carefully designed to keep your company's valuable information in, and unauthorised people and viruses out. Which means that your data couldn't really be safer, even if you kept it in a safe. Which is great news for the survival of your company. But tragic news for hackers." Does MS really think that people are too stupid to remember what happened less than 2 months ago? My favorite quote from the article is "Clarke described Microsoft's claim as "laughable". "
I wonder if they used stock photography again this time?
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. -George Carlin
So where is their product that makes hackers extinct! I havent heard of the release yet! This is great new! Does someone have a link to it?
Instead of the ad showing the greasy hacker it should show the hacker with huge muscles and maybe like laser beams shooting from its eyes as it thrives in the microsoft environment. I bet then they'd run the ad.
-Eod
Maybe they've finaly refined their product to the point where you simply can't boot it anymore. Put your safe inside your computer and feel as safe as ever.
Computing in Hell:
The security of Windows, the ease of use of Linux, and a Macintosh mouse!
"Those who have never entered upon scientific pursuits know not a tithe of the poetry by which they are surrounded."
It IS hacker proof - we don't have access to the source, how are we supposed to hack on the code?
*rim shot*
Because it doesn't require a hacker to break into Microsoft products, any average user can do it.
I can't believe it; someone LYING in an ADVERTISEMENT?! This threatens the integrity of the entire advertising field!
Windows 2000 Server:
3 vulnerabilities in 7 yea--- days!
/^[A-Z0-9._%+-]+@[A-Z0-9.-]+\.[A-Z]{2,4}$/i
The product is called "Microsoft Offswitch"
" In the ad MS claims that they'll make the hacker extinct. "
I don't see what the problem is. It's true! Why be a hacker when you can do it all as a script kiddie?
From the Jargon Dictionary link in the article:
hacker n. [originally, someone who makes furniture with an axe]
Why would Microsoft even care about some crude pre-modern furniture makers? I am beginning to think there was more than one reason the advertisement got yanked.
http://phunny.drghetto.com/switchlinux3.swf
much more creative.
YOU SUCK BALLS!
Are you some kind of robot? If yes, what powers do you have? Do you use them for good or for awesome?
Who needs hackers when the Windows can exploit itself over and over again...
I believe it's called self-abuse... for the more techie, it's known as digital-masturbation.
Welley Corporation - SLM Scammers
Holden: Yeah.
Banky: Good. Over here, we have a publicly accessible, secure, and intelligently maintained Windows server. Down here, we have a self-hating, angry as fuck, agenda of rage, bitter Solaris admin. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
Banky: No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?
Holden: The self-hating admin.
Banky: Good. Why?
Holden: I don't know.
Banky: Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!
http://us.imdb.com/Title?0118842
"My God, this must be a truly remarkable corn chip, to be so widely and confidently touted."
My daily commute to/from work near Silicon Valley takes me on highway 101 in the Redwood City area. There are tons of billboards around but one always stands out, because it is the only billboard that is electronic. It is brighter than all the others, and it changes what it shows every five seconds or so.
One of the most commonly seen ads on this electronic billboard is Oracle's "Unbreakable" farce.
Last week a fellow cohort of mine was driving in at 6:30am and happened to glance at the billboard. It was showing the Blue Screen of Death.
- First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then ???, then profit.
How many slashes would a slashdot dot, if a slashdot could dot slashes?
Evil l337 h4x0r: Mwah ha ha! I am going to break into this system, cause it to become slow and unreliable, trash lots of files, turn the security framework into pure unmanageable chaos, and make it send out IP packets violating several RFCs!"
(Typing...)
Elh: Ah, crap, it's already running Windows.
When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a skull.
Microsoft Disclaimer: Please uplug all Cat-5 and/or modem cables from your system and do not connect to any networks, especially the internet in order to take full advantage of our "Hacker Exterminator" Technology. Wireless networking is included in this disclaimer. Thank you for choosing Microsoft.
I think you meant shut it down.
You may have stumbled on to Microsoft's secret security strategy here.
- Release insecure software for over a generation.
- Watch 'real' hacker skills atrophy with time.
- Implement all the code fixes they have been secretly stockpiling in Bill's underground lair.
- MS systems become inpenetrable.
Maybe this is the real reason MS wants Linux eliminated, because it keeps hackers sharp.
"The words of the prophets are written on the Slashdot walls."
Does MS really think that people are too stupid to remember what happened less than 2 months ago?
They don't just think it... They count on it.
For example, just pulled from the Microsoft outlook home page:
If you have Outlook version 2002, you already have industry-leading technologies helping to protect your data.
Evidently, Security Bulletin MS03-003 is some of that industry-leading technology.
It says so in the license!
"Orthodoxy is unconsciousness" - Orwell
That's because Microsoft has nothing to do with crackers. It's Frito-Lay that has made crackers obsolete. Tortilla chips have gained so much market share in recent years that crackers just don't have a chance.
To give them the benefit of the doubt, perhaps they meant an open safe, with a big arrow pointed towards it and the words "FREE STUFF!" spray painted on the wall. ;-)
I guess you guys didn't read the extra fine print. It says that the user must... 1. Use a hardware firewall with both incoming and outgoing ports blocks.
2. Use Mozilla instead of IE and Outlook Express.
3. Have two anti-virus programs that checks for updates every five minutes.
4. Sanitize all floppy disks with magnets before use.
5. Check for and download Windows updates daily, unless the updates undoes the previous fix (e.g. Slammer) or breaks the Windows. Consumers should buy a second system and a second copy of Windows.
6. Leave the system off. If you must use your computer, try your local library computer lab. If you must use your home computer, turn it on just long enough to do your business and turn it off when finished. Note that acorrding to EULA, by merely turning on the system, you are acting against the recommandation of MS and therefore, MS is not liable for any damages.
7. Upgrade to the new version of Windows as soon as it is released. Delete your old partition and do a clean install as the new and improved Windows magically wipes away your past problems.
8. If you get hacked with the latest version of Windows, that probably means that you are a pirate.
9. If you are not a pirate, that means that you must have violated one of the clauses above and MS shall not be held liable.
10. If you followed all the clauses above, by EULA, you must submit the problem to us, so that we can put a clause excluding your error in the future EULA (to be installed with the next patch) so that MS MS shall not be held liable. If you do not submit your error, you are in violation of EULA and MS shall not be held liable.
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