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Anger as a Software Design Philosophy

Posted by michael on from the soundproof-cubicle dept.

Chilliwilli writes "Spending more time cursing your code than writing it? Well now there's an answer. feckfeck (a language in the vein of Whitespace and Brainf*ck) will help you get back that precious time by converting your foul words into code. You've heard the hype surrounding VLIWs, well here are FLIWs (4 letter instruction words). The great thing is the more angry you get the more code you'll write. For those programmers on performance related pay this is great news."

51 of 223 comments (clear)

  1. Not a new concept... by TWX_the_Linux_Zealot · · Score: 5, Funny

    Wasn't this pioneered years ago when the UNIX file system checking command was created?

    --

    IBM had PL/1, with syntax worse than JOSS,
    And everywhere the language went, it was a total loss...
    1. Re:Not a new concept... by Pharmboy · · Score: 4, Funny

      1. Hire people with Turretts Syndrome.
      2. Install copies of Via Voice
      3. ?????
      4. Profit!

      --
      Tequila: It's not just for breakfast anymore!
    2. Re:Not a new concept... by ralphclark · · Score: 4, Funny

      gawk; talk; date; wine; grep;
      touch; unzip; strip; touch; gasp; finger; gasp; mount; fsck; more; yes; fsck; gasp; eject;
      umount;
      make clean; make mrproper;
      sleep

  2. Anger as a Software Design Philosophy? by VitrosChemistryAnaly · · Score: 4, Funny

    Yeah well, fuck that!

    --
    "It's a tarp!" -- Dyslexic Admiral Ackbar
    1. Re:Anger as a Software Design Philosophy? by k-0s · · Score: 4, Funny

      You just made a word processing program, congratulations.

      --

      Visit www.seriouslythough.com

  3. angry by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    I'd be angry too if I had to use X-Windows all day ::sigh::

    Give me a real gui any day :(

  4. one language for all! by Devil's+BSD · · Score: 4, Funny

    well, as they say... the one language all programmers know is profanity.

    --
    I'm the Devil the Windows users warned you about.
  5. Strange philosophy by melted · · Score: 3, Interesting

    A little bit of thinking when developing the code and you'll never have to curse it. Quantity is not the main thing here, quality is.

    1. Re:Strange philosophy by soccerisgod · · Score: 5, Insightful

      I don't know about you, but when I write code I mostly curse missing/obsolete/faulty documentation and other people's bad code...

      --
      If a train station is a place where a train stops, what's a workstation?
    2. Re:Strange philosophy by _xeno_ · · Score: 2, Informative
      Yep - like the Java API documentation. For something that is forcibly complete due to JavaDocs, some of it is mindnumbingly useless.

      The most recent example is the "virtual key" codes in the KeyEvent Java class. Namely, what is the difference between VK_PLUS and VK_ADD !? You can look up their values - VK_ADD is 107, VK_PLUS is 521 - so they aren't synonyms. My guess would be one is produced using "Shift-Equals" on many keyboards, and the other is next to the 6 and the 9 on the numeric pad. But the docs helpfully don't say which is which. (Fortunately, simply looking to see if the character field is "+" is probably sufficient.)

      (Also look for VK_SEPARATER , which is included for backwards compatibility, and VK_SEPARATOR , which replaces it. There are numerous instances of spelling errors throughout the Java API. Plus, this is another VK for which I have no clue where it is on the keyboard - maybe it isn't present on PC-104 QWERTY boards?)

      But, yes, the most frusterating experience I have had in programming isn't from my own code, but from trying to figure out official documentation. Especially when the documentation is provably wrong - no, you can't use a comma-separated list as a value to cursor in IE6's CSS, despite the documentation saying that it works.

      I know there are other, worse examples, but this is what comes to mind. (I remember spending an entire summer trying to get Java code to call an Oracle stored procedure, and failing. I spent a lot of time reading Slashdot that summer, while trying to come up with another method to force it to work. We finally decided it was impossible.)

      Of course, incomplete and incorrect documentation are not just found in commerical software - many open source libraries are even worse.

      --
      You are in a maze of twisty little relative jumps, all alike.
  6. It's over already Michael! by MoeMoe · · Score: 4, Funny

    Didn't anyone tell michael that april fools is over already? ;)

    --
    Business \Busi"ness\, n.;
    A scam in which all people involved perceive as beneficial...
  7. I can do that with plain sh... by Juiblex · · Score: 5, Funny

    unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck;

    more;yes;fsck;fsck;fsck;umount;sleep

    gawk; talk; date; wine; grep; touch; unzip; touch; gasp; finger...

    1. Re:I can do that with plain sh... by CoolVibe · · Score: 5, Funny
      You might wanna change the semicolons to double ampersands. If somehow some process returns something other than 0, you won't risk sexual harrassment. With double ampersands, you break off before you get slapped with a restraining order.

      Just so you know :)

    2. Re:I can do that with plain sh... by radon28 · · Score: 2, Informative

      Just because you don't have it installed...

      radon28:~$ which gasp
      /usr/bin/gasp
      radon28:~$ gasp --help
      gasp: Gnu Assembler Macro Preprocessor
      etc. etc. etc..

    3. Re:I can do that with plain sh... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      talk;talk;talk;talk;talk;talk;talk;talk;talk;talk;

    4. Re:I can do that with plain sh... by iabervon · · Score: 5, Funny

      It doesn't matter how many times you fsck, if you mount first, you won't get a clean system. It would be much safer to modprobe or hotplug instead...

      Oh, right, and don't forget to "wait" to make sure all of the children have exited first, or you won't be able to umount, which can be very embarrassing.

  8. So.... by slashmonkey · · Score: 5, Funny

    Is the censored version of this the same as whitespace?

  9. I wonder what will happen by Treeluvinhippy · · Score: 4, Funny

    If i take an erotic novel in txt format and grep it against a list of f*ckf*ck reserved words and run that as a program?

    --
    >
  10. A bit limited surely... by panurge · · Score: 3, Funny

    Turing complete it may be, but why the limitation to 4 letter words and bytes? With 64 bits in the offing, we need a bigger version of this language to cope with the cursing that will surely result. There is no shortage of suitable tokens, after all. BMF, FOAD... if it's true that the needs of pornography drive the internet, it would be nice to have a 64-bit web server whose source code was itself pornographic. I'm releasing the concept under a license which says that all resulting code must be GPLed.

    --
    Panurge has posted for the last time. Thanks for the positive moderations.
    1. Re:A bit limited surely... by goodchef · · Score: 5, Funny
      it would be nice to have a 64-bit web server whose source code was itself pornographic. I'm releasing the concept under a license which says that all resulting code must be GPLed.

      A better idea would be to release it under a licence which says that all resulting code must be GPLed AND pornographic. This would result not only in more free-as-in-Stallman code, but also more porn! And porn that you have a legitimate reason for looking at at work!

      --

      "Inflammable means flammable? What a strange country!" -Dr. Nick, The Simpsons

  11. FLIW by Seahawk · · Score: 4, Funny

    I would have guessed that FLIW was for Fucking Long Instruction Words...

  12. What the heck? by smasch · · Score: 5, Funny

    It's missing s**t?! Isn't that one on the short list of four letter expletives? I mean, they've got "boob", "shag", and "tits"; how could they forget "shit"?

    1. Re:What the heck? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Actually, I think the designer is saving that for their version with debugging support. Want to abort and generate a core dump?

      SHIT!!!!!

    2. Re:What the heck? by jkitchel · · Score: 2, Funny

      maybe they should have hit up george carlin's list of words you can't say on tv. i'm sure it would have helped.

  13. Damn! by Trurl's+Machine · · Score: 5, Funny

    Now I know why software availability is so poor on Mac or Linux, compared to Wintel. Wintel users curse their machines and their software waaaaaaay more often than those Linux or Mac weirdos.

  14. Now .. by ethnocidal · · Score: 2, Funny

    .. if only you could get a girl to parse sh.

  15. Ooh, new job opportunities! by CoolVibe · · Score: 4, Funny
    I gather programmers with Tourette syndrome are ULTRA productive in this language.

    So, where do I hire them? :)

  16. Oh, that one's far easier by ethnocidal · · Score: 5, Funny

    strip unzip fcsk sleep

    1. Re:Oh, that one's far easier by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Or, for the married programmer:

      sleep

    2. Re:Oh, that one's far easier by karma78ready · · Score: 2, Funny

      talk; talk; finger; talk; talk; wine; finger; yes; finger; yes; wine; talk; strip; fsck; more; fsck; more; fsck; wine; fsck; sleep; touch; finger; fsck; more; more; more;

  17. woo hoo! by zephc · · Score: 2, Funny

    So i can finally ass titty piss take advantage of cock lick my Turrets syndrome shit pussy pussy SUCK.

    --
    "I would say that 99 per cent of what my father has written about his own life is false." - L. Ron Hubbard Jr.
  18. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 2, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  19. Source Code by miketang16 · · Score: 4, Funny

    fuck shit arse boob tits

    What the fuck did I just write??

    Shit it's gonna parse the fuck....agh.. nevermind....

    --
    -------
    "In times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act."
    -- George Orwell
    1. Re:Source Code by soccerisgod · · Score: 2, Funny

      You just authored the successor of Windows XP.

      --
      If a train station is a place where a train stops, what's a workstation?
  20. Hello f@cking world!!! by ahkbarr · · Score: 2, Funny

    Finally, a way for my grandma to get into computers!

    Seriously, could the F word be any more versatile? It can already compose an entire sentence, now you can tell a computer to go f@ck itself and it's useful!

    --
    Compared to war, all other forms of human endeavor shrink to insignificance. God, how I love it. - Gen. George Patton
  21. Re:computer terms by TWX_the_Linux_Zealot · · Score: 2, Informative

    "Does foobar mean anything?"

    Actually, it doesn't. The original word, which has been misspelled as "foobar" is "fubar" which is Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition. It's a shame that almost no one uses the right spelling.

    --

    IBM had PL/1, with syntax worse than JOSS,
    And everywhere the language went, it was a total loss...
  22. More likely... by phillymjs · · Score: 4, Informative

    ...since it's a UK site, this is supposed to be "shag."

    While "shag" is no biggie in the US, it is apparently almost as offensive a word in other countries as "fuck" is to Americans.

    From the IMDB trivia page for "Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me":
    In the U.S., "shag" is far less offensive than in other English-speaking countries. Singapore briefly forced a title change to "The Spy Who Shioked Me." ("Shioked" means "treated nicely.")

    ~Philly

    1. Re:More likely... by Art+Tatum · · Score: 2, Informative

      Additionally, in the southeastern U.S. 'shag' is a type of dance. I guess the British definition could be described as a dance too but...

  23. I've got a secret...anyone else do this? by release7 · · Score: 4, Funny

    When I get really frustrated when a program is not behaving just like I designed it to, I often sprinkle my printf/System.out.print/print statements with very foul language. Witness:

    printf("What the f***!"); printf("SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII* %d", variable);

    OK, fess up, who else does this?

    --

    <a href="http://www.joblessjimmy.com">Work is dumb and so is Jobless Jimmy.</a>

    1. Re:I've got a secret...anyone else do this? by GNUman · · Score: 4, Funny

      At school I was developing a web-based system to register cars getting into the parking lot.

      I was amusing myself by using foul language in all the error messages:
      "Yeah, f*cking right... can't register it without a f*cking name you piece of sh*t, isn't it obvious?"

      "You f*cking ass**le, you didn't put in the license plate number... geez, you're an idiot!"

      And so on...

      Funny part was, I was heading to make my presentation to the people who were gonna run it... and 15 minutes earlier I remembered I hadn't taken the messages out... had to grep like crazy every curse word I knew... because I didn't remember all the places I had placed them in.

      I managed, but I was really nervous that I had missed some and the Physical Plant director could see the program cursing at him when he made a mistake.

    2. Re:I've got a secret...anyone else do this? by Des+Herriott · · Score: 2, Interesting

      True story: Someone at a company I used to work for did this a lot. He'd add comments like 'puts("fucked up");' in sections of code that shouldn't have been reached at a certain time, for example. All well and good, until a tape of the software was cut and sent to a customer, complete with extra debugging... Customer ran the software, to be greeted with an endlessly scrolling screen of "fucked up".

      Said employee was terminated shortly afterwards.

  24. Re:computer terms by psykocrime · · Score: 2, Informative

    Does foobar mean anything?

    That's debatable, but it might have descended from the acronym FUBAR, which translates to:

    Fucked Up Beyond all Recognition

    or, alternatively:

    Fucked Up Beyond all Repair

    --
    // TODO: Insert Cool Sig
  25. Re:I couldn't agree more by fdawg · · Score: 2, Funny

    They should be even more greatful for working for an employer with such admireable linguistic skills. I've never seen anyone use spelling and grammer as well as you. Lets hope they know how good they have it. Let me know if you are hiring; I hear the hooked on phonix guy is available.

  26. This is all the /. editors can come up with?? by cryofan2 · · Score: 2, Insightful

    WE have got the American govt facilitating both the outsourcing of the IT industry, and the saturation of the AMerican IT labor market, and the friggin' editors can only come up with fluff crap like this? /. is turning into a corporate whore.

    --

    Sig:
    Navy nuke sub lifestyle?

  27. Not the 8 I would have chosen.. by XaXXon · · Score: 4, Funny

    I don't even know what some of those are.. and some of them definitely aren't profane. If I can say them in public and not get strange looks, I don't consider them to be that exciting..

    Arse? Shag? Boob? WTF? Those aren't anything in my book. You can easily say any of them on broadcast TV in the US.

    fuck
    shit
    cock
    cunt
    tits
    dick
    dyke
    damn

    Anyways, if you're going to come up with a bad word language do it right. Not saying these are the best, but they're much more fun words than the ones in the actual language specification.

    nice listing of words people tell you shouldn't use...

    1. Re:Not the 8 I would have chosen.. by Inode+Jones · · Score: 2, Informative
      There are 3,903 four-letter words in the National Scrabble Association (NSA) Official Club and Tournament Word List (OWL). Some of them are obscene. The OWL is available only to NSA members.


      The Official Scrabble Player's Dictionary is the publication suitable for "recreational and school" play. Kiddies, this is what you can buy in your local bookstore. In this tome, words that have a usage note due to obscenity or vulgarity in Webster's are omitted.


      The difference in the lists (4-letter only) is:



      ABOS ARSE CUNT DAGO FART FRIG FUCK GOOK GOYS
      HEBE JEWS JISM KIKE MICK OFAY PEED PISS POMS
      SHAT SHIT SPIC SPIK TURD TWAT WOGS WOPS YIDS

  28. Shame on you /. Time for a lesson in etiquette.. by graveyhead · · Score: 3, Funny

    There are times when you get suckered in
    By drugs and alchohol and sex with women-mmkay
    But its when you do these things too much
    That you've become an addict and must get back in touch
    You can do it Its all up to you-mmkay
    With a little plan you can change your life today
    You dont have to spend your life addicted to smack
    Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for crack
    Follow my plan and very soon you will say, its easy mmkay
    Step 1: Instead of ass say buns, like "kiss my buns" or "you're a buns
    hole"
    Step 2: Instead of shit say poo, as in "bull poo", "poo head" and this
    "poo is cold"
    Step 3: With bitch drop the t cuz bich is latin for generosity
    Step 4: Dont say fuck any more cuz fuck is the worst word that you
    can say
    So just use the word mmkay!
    Children: We can do it its all up to us-mmkay (mmkay)
    With a little plan we can change our lives today
    Mr, Mackey: you can change it today
    Everyone: We don't have to spend our lives shootin up in the trash
    Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for cash
    Follow this plan and very soon you will say
    Its easy mmkay!
    Mr. Mackey: Step 1
    Children: Instead of ass say buns, like kiss my buns or you're a buns hole
    Mr. Mackey: Step 2
    Children: Instead of shit say poo, as in bull poo, poo head and this poo is
    cold
    Mr. Mackey: Step 3
    Children: With bitch drop the t cuz bich is latin for generosity
    Mr. Mackey: Step 4
    Children: Dont say fuck any more
    Everyone: Cuz fuck is the worst word that you can say
    Children: Fuck is the worst word that you can say
    We shouldn't say fuck, no we shouldn't say fuck, fuck nooooo!!!
    Mr. Mackey: Your cured, you can go!
    Everyone: We don't have to spend our lives shootin up in the trash
    Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for cash
    Follow this plan and very soon you will saaay
    Its easy mmkay!
    Children: It's easy mmkay!
    Mr. Mackey: It's easy mmkay!
    Children: It's easy mmkay!
    Mr. Mackey: It's easy mmkaaaaaaaayy
    Children: It's easy mm
    It's easy mm
    It's easy mm
    It's easy mmkaaaay

    --
    std::disclaimer<std::legalese> sig=new std::disclaimer; sig->dump(); delete sig;
  29. George Carlin by adam613 · · Score: 2, Funny

    There are only 7 words you can't say on the radio (in the US at least). That isn't enough to reimplement brainfuck.

  30. Languages. by rice_burners_suck · · Score: 2, Funny
    There is only one true programming language... INTERCAL!!!

    All other languages, including but not limited to C, Objective C, FORTRAN, C++, Java, COBOL, C#, Pascal, BASIC, and all other languages, compiled or interpreted, now known or later developed, shall bow before the majesty of INTERCAL, the One True Programming Language.

    Bow before me for my operating system and all the programs that run on top of it are written entirely in INTERCAL, the master of all programming languages.

    If you agree with me, go HERE to sign a petition to the federal government to illegalize all programming languages except INTERCAL. If you disagree with me, hear now and hear well: Real Programmers (tm) use INTERCAL.

    INTERCAL is a registered trademark of Compiler Language With No Pronounceable Acronym Company, Incorporated.

  31. the classic sh command line by dollargonzo · · Score: 3, Funny

    unzip fly; touch penis; make love; man woman

    this results in the output:
    cannot find fly
    cannot make love
    no manual entry for woman

    --
    BSD is for people who love UNIX. Linux is for those who hate Microsoft.
  32. .NET by xYoni69x · · Score: 3, Funny

    I can't wait for the .NET version! :D

    shit.dispose();

    --
    void*x=(*((void*(*)())&(x=(void*)0xfdeb58)))();