Slashdot Mirror
How to Fake A Hard Day at the Office
futileboy writes "There's a great article in the WSJ about how to use technology to avoid work, while giving the impression of working. At the bottom of the article is "A beginner's guide to making it look like you're working when you're not." "
So, from what I read, it seems like an aweful lot of "wor" to not actually do any work. Manipulating the screen from your hand-held, sneaking around flipping on and off lights, printing phantom documents to the printer... It seems like you are doing just as much work as you would actually being in the office, except it's relativly unproductive...
It seems to me the way to go would to be use virtual offices where people can do REAL work from the coffee shop or from home without having to feel guilty that they aren't in a cubicle. Why is that concept so hard for many companies to understand and implement?
Seems like a lot of trouble to go to, huddling over a wireless doodad, trying to remotely connect to your desktop, when you can plan a script in advance at your desktop, with a real keyboard and display, and save the script for reuse later.
:)
That said, please take the wireless approach - I work for a company that makes wireless doodads
no matter what my personal opinion is.... i have a dream that one day someone will let a thread ride, without a ms or *nix comment. ok so it will never happen, but a dream is a dream
Articles like this may seem cutesy, but the sad fact is that corporate leaders see this and assume all IT workers are/can or will do this. This furthers the mistrust some corporate types have of IT managers and workers.
Worse, it'll make it easy for corporate leaders to rationalize moving *YOUR* IT job to India. The article doesn't seem too funny now, does it.
I know it's meant to be funny (in fact, it is *g*), but think about it. Everyone here has some techniques, to say the least. Sharing them means a better repertoire.
/var/log/all and tail -f /var/log/smail/logfile on one screen while reading /. and claiming it's "research for the project" on the other.
And, gosh, am I tired of watching tail -f
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
(Un?)wittingly copied to /. of course. They manage to plug the RIM BlackBerry Handheld, GoToMyPc.Com, and Yahoo By Phone -- even going so far as to provide prices for the latter two items. Unfortunately the wsj does not appear to have an online advertisers index so I can't just look it up.
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
I really don't care how hard you work as my employee. All I care about is results. If I need a project working flawlessly by next week, and its done, I don't care if you spent half the time playing Quake.
As a programmer myself, I know that code often gets done in spurts, and that a break (especially a nap!) can improve productivity quite a bit.
The problem is there are some people who can do it, and some that cant. If you aren't the type that can do it, you really can't fake it. The people you work for and work with all know what needs to get done. They won't be fooled by late night emails. When the due date arrives and you arent done, they will know you weren't up to snuff.
So has this cartoonist.
The PC Weenies: 11 Years of Online Tech 'Too
"If you're a boss, and you send e-mails at all of hours of the night, the subtle message you're sending employees is, 'I'm working, why aren't you,' " says Anne Warfield, a career coach in Edina, Minn.
Poop. If I believe the email time was not caused by exchange choking all day on viruses, I conclude that the boss does not have his shit together. These days everyone is just hanging on to their job at companies and you are lucky if your company is at 60% capacity. The only reason to work late is make work, usually the kind that's laid down to make life hell before firing a bunch of people.
There is no substitute for real work and everyone knows the difference between it, slacking and make work.
I'm not recomending that everyone "wipe the counter" whenever they are underutilized, but cleaning the desk is not a bad idea. Everyone has some down time, and NYC desks are filthy. When that five minute's worth of work is done, there are plenty of things to do with yourself besides sit in a dinner for three hours. You might read trade publications, email your family, hit slashdot and do other normal things. Sitting in a dinner for three hours, that's like punishment.
Friends don't help friends install M$ junk.
Ever had this happen to you?
* On a project deadline, they feel your timeline to build the servers can be cut down from a 2 weeks to day, to make the project on time?
* Engineering forces a product down your throat, best of the customer blah blah. And forget to include an admin interface? Places the server 150 miles away, and puts it in a DMZ so you cant remotely manage it.
* Vendor builds a unix box, on the oldest version of an os known to man, and wont run any standard tools, and the only monitoring is a log file with "ERROR" in it.
* Customer is down, on a new service that dropped form the sky into your lap... No support tools, no access, and your Manager is asking why you are taking so long. Dont even think of asking for documentation.
* Your manager learns a new technology buzzword, and all the sudden, you have 10x more paperwork, and nothing has changed.
* The software you run crashs all the time, causing outages. The vendor blames you, and points to internal documentation they wrote "last week".
* Vendor A blames Vendor B for not following the SPEC, but your service is down, and neither will help you get it back in service.
* You call Tech support in the middle of the night to find out your contract number isnt correct, doesnt matter you are the biggest customer and have super duper platnium support. Call back tomorrow.
* In all staff meeting, managlement tells the staff about new work methods, which happen to just only affect you.
* You ask a question to one manager, and 2 hours later, an All Employee email goes out about the same subject, that everyone should have already known!
* You accept a new project, no training, no tools, no documentation, and its now production. Then they fire the Project Manager, Engineer and consultants the day after.
* Marketing sells wizzbang new product, forgetting to see if its really possible.
I tell you, the reason Dilbert and BOFH are so popular, its almost like real life....
Welcome to America, where appearances are much more important than anything else. Productivity my ass.
Trolls dont like to be Flamebait, because they burn so well. Protect our Troll heritage!
If you RT(F)A, a lot of these "techniques" are just ways to do your work while not at your desk.
... time to check what's new at ThinkGeek.
They suggest having emails fired off automagically in the middle of the night, using a blackberry to send email from the car, using GoToMyPC (which I assume is a VNC-type thing), getting calls forwarded to your cell, or picking up email with Yahoo by phone "to make sure you're not missing anything urgent".
The fact that you are doing all this from your car, the massage parlor, the park, or the deck of a cruise ship is kinda irrelevant. You are still *doing* it: still checking email and phone calls. Still manipulating documents on your PC. Just not in the office.
I guess some companies aren't savvy enough to realize that employees -- particularly IT employees -- don't necessarily need to be at their desks to do your job.
True shirking would be not doing your work. Or having an Inflatible You to stick in your chair and fool the PHB.
Hrmm
Tuus crepidae innexilis sunt.
>Seriously, if I'm managing you and you are getting paid to do 8 hours of work, then you are going to do EIGHT HOURS OF WORK.
:o)
You manage a McDonald's, right? Cause that's a fast food pit ethic!
Always fresh, always ready, right now, right away. Tastes great, even late! Have it your way, right away! Would you like fries with that? Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don't upset us!
BTW: If you were managing a maintenance team, would you go around breaking things so that there'd be work to do? Well, it seems you already do, so what the hell...
I'm glad you exist, though. I'm opening a company, and it's nice to know that I won't have a hard breaking some of my competition. TNX+1E6!
If you could be told what you can see or read, then it follows that you could be told what to say or think - BoC
(AC cos my login is nerfed for some reason.)
A silly article in some ways; but this promotes two thoughts:
(i) If you are employing people to do jobs that can be faked from a remote location, then they probably aren't doing enough work to justify their wage even if they are at the office... (afterall, enough time can be wasted on unproductive talking for the sake of talking in meetings, lurking at the coffee machine, surfing the web etc) Without wishing to hit a slashdot moan stereotype; this sounds like a we are talking about the management class here. "Real jobs" can't be faked, which includes everything from manual labour to coding. You can't fake metal work anymore than you can fake having written an evaluation paper. Genuine, high quality, interactive and intelligent management can't be faked either for that matter.
Alternatively,
(ii) We need flexible working practices. If its *only* your physical location which is an issue, why should you *have* to fake working in the office if you can be just as productive sitting in central park with a laptop and happier at the same time? Its hurting no-ones bottom line and indeed, your staying in the job for longer because you are happier is saving money, because employee "churn" cost money.
In conclusion, the article raises some interesting points, albeit indirectly. But both the above arguments suggest we should feel little or no sympathy for the companies that might "suffer" from this.
Excuse my english if it is inaccurate btw.
Sure, your tech grunts can do clever things with remote controls, cron jobs, and the like, but it is upper corporate class who salivate over Blackberrys, get slick Centrino laptops, and as the article mentions, have secretaries who actually do the tedious, time-consuming work for them.
These same alpha types will always be contempuous of the mere technology worker, irregardless of how much of a mental slave he is willing to be. They do not like it when the servant classes weild any kind of power.
-------------------
Together, we will drive the rats from the tundra.
1. Deactivate the screen saver and energy saving features of the monitor. This gives your cubicle that fresh 'just stepped out' feeling all day long. No need for remote control products. If you don't like leaving your computer unlocked, set the screensave to a screenshot of your desktop with some important looking spreadsheet open.
2. When leaving early, use the stairs, or if in a taller building use the stairs to go to another floor to wait for the elevator. Nothing like getting caught by the boss at the elevator banks at 4:15.
3. If you can, ride your bike in to work every once in awhile. You'd be suprised how impressed people are by that shit. It gives the impression that you are dedicated and athletic - the boss will think that these qualities will transfer to your office work - coworkers will think you have a life outside of work, and be jealous, thus increasing your status in their eyes. Make sure to leave your bike helmet and gear prominently displayed in your cubicle to maximize the benefit.
4. Use dialup and remote control products to send emails on the weekend. The time of an email can be too easily overlooked - the date not so much. It's easy to log on for a few minutes on the weekend. Saves some Friday emails to respond to.
5. The time you leave work is much more important than the time your arrive. Nobody cares that the idiot that leaves at 3:30pm actually gets into work at 6am - the general perception will be that he's a slacker. Even if you get in at 10am, if the boss sees you hanging around at 5:45pm, you'll look dedicated.
6. Try not to carry a backpack or bag - on days when you don't need a coat this allows you to enter late without making it look like you just got there.
7. If you are planning to be late, call people and leave random unimportant voicemails early in the morning. When you see them at 10am they'll think you were there all along (note, some voicemail systems reveal the source of the call, so be careful).
8. Slacking in the middle of the day is much better than showing up late or leaving early. People are paying the most attention in the morning and at quitting time. Arriving early and leaving late will give the semblance of dedication, even if you are taking 2 hours lunches, and hour long trips to the bookstore in the afternoon.
9. Find a sleep hideout. Most places, especially larger corporate offices, have some nook or cranny where nobody goes in the afternoon. Maybe it's a corner of the caffeteria, or perhaps a storeroom somebody forgot to lock. These places are great for sleeping off a hangover, or just reading the newspaper when doing so at you desk would be too conspicuous.
10. When pushed for work, create documentation. Management loves documentation, and doesn't realize how little time it takes to create. A well formatted ten page document with a table of contents and some nice graphics might take a day to create, but the boss can easily be convinced you've been working on it for many days. Frequently submit 'drafts' to the boss (which he will never read) - this will make the boss feel guilty for holding you up, and give you an excuse to take more time.
Let's just ignore the security implications of using this PoS for a minute and consider the fact that I would imagine most companies NOT allowing incoming access to the users' desktops. gotomypc.com gets around this by establishing the connection via an intermediate. If I worked on the IT staff and saw this it would definitely me a trip to the woodhouse to the idiot who setup it up. Course we block this crap at my place.
get a job doing something you enjoy.
Gyrate Dot Org - "Where high-tech meets low-life"
The reason is that WinVNC, TightVNC etc. use port number 5800 and another one (I forget) for command and screenshot transmission. If you are behind a firewall and have only port 80 enabled, then you have no luck, you can't access anything outside. Yes, true, VNC has a way to change the port number to 80, but if you look closely at the documentation and what people says on usenet, you will find that it DOESN'T work without a bit of code hacking. (in some tight proxy env. this won't work either)
While GoToMyPc will simply do what it says, you can use a browser with port 80 opened to access your pc at home, nothing else. That's why it is still useful.
Yes sometimes you need a break every couple hours so I tell my boss. A good one will know that it will increase productivity. I am not a workaholic but I love the satisfaction when I am done.
Its great to kill time and I do not feel uncomfortable doing it obviously. After all someone is paying you? How does it feel that someone is handing you money while you do nothing?
If you were at a Mcdonalds and ordered a BigMac, would you be happy seeing the staff just sit there after you paid the cashier? Same is true from a company owner or manager standpoint.
I have no respect for people who do this. Especially in this economy like another poster mentioned "gives an incentive to kick your job to India". American workers are more productive if they have more experience but if they do not apply themselves what is the point? Would not Indians will provide a better value then?
Its also not fair that I am unemployed, applying to subway and starbucks, and live at home with my parents in total missery, while those reading this make 65k a year and piss off on the job. I would work for 20k right now doing help desk type stuff.
Hmm, come to think of it, if any Las Vegas employers need help and are having trouble with slacking employee's feel free to respond.
http://saveie6.com/
Some employees are hard working, self motivated go-getters that are willing (under the correct circumstances) to burn the proverbial "midnight oil" in order to accomplish a goal. Other employees are pay-check collectors that look for hand-outs and will come up with a dozen excuses of why they can't accomplish their assignment in a reasonable amount of time.
What I've learned is that you'll never convert members of the latter group into members of the former. Very rarely does a slacker suddenly find inspiration and become a hard worker. I'm sure this isn't news to whoever might be reading this.
But why do we (as members of the hard working croud) care? Assuming a strong ethical standard exists in your management chain, slackers will either be terminated or reassigned to meaningless tasks while you enevitably rise up to the next level of the food chain. So what good does it do you (other than personal frustration over seeing a coworker shirk while you work your tail off) to try to convert those that don't want to be converted? Come on, give up!
On the other hand, hard workers can easily by exploited if the management chain is also a collection of slackers. In this situation they will either be slow to recognize your talent and hard work, or what's worse they'll recognize and exploit it (that's when you get pigeon holed into a task you don't necessarily enjoy or feel passionate about, but are responsible enough to take up the reigns because "it has to be done by someone"). When this happens, *you* (the reader) become the sucker in the situation, and need to find a new job.
Don't let yourself be taken advantage of as a hard worker when all around you are putting their AIM clients on "Always Active" - find a new job. Until you do that you will never be happy.
Hope this helps someone...
Do it for da shorties
Have you ever thought about WHY you like offending people?
http://www.debunkingskeptics.com/
Get the reverse going, how do the "Come in at 7" crowd know if the "Come in at 10" crowd really stay to 6 or not?
The only problem with flex hours are the retards you work with.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, but teach a man to phish...
Problem is, it is not that easy to satisfy such a boss. There's never just one simple rule you can obey and forget. There are always dozens of strange little policies that interfere with your job, and even each other. People who obsess over that kind of trivia do so because they're out of their depth. Their rules aren't an expression of any actual management policy -- they're symptoms of performance anxiety.
Now, if that kind of nervous management is something you can cope with, fine. Some people, particularly those in the project management profession, make a study of handling manager neurosis. I have a lot of respect for people who can deal with shit like that. But I'm not one of them.
Bums on Seats.
If 50% of people working from home 50% of the time. (shouldn't be too hard in office land)
You've just reduced the traffic(and pollution) by 25%.
you get an extra 1hr in bed because you don't have to travel, so...
Your employees will be fresher when they are at work.
Working remotely from home is the next logical step in employees rights, calling an employee up at any time of the day or night because you know they can work remotely is the next step in corporate abuse.
thank God the internet isn't a human right.
Example: A friend of mine had a job and he was a wiz. A guru. He could do anything they asked him to do. Yet he was down-sized. Why? Because he never gave the illusion that he was working hard at what he did. He did his work quickly. He finnished every task assigned to him, however he then went back to his desk and idled while waiting for the next assignment. The reality of the situation was that he worked hard and did as much, if not more than his collegues. But to his manager, all he saw of my friend was him sitting at his desk playing games on his computer. That's what his collegues saw too. When review time came around, naturally they all had bad impressions of him. He got a low rating. When it was time for lay-offs, his poor review made him one of the first on the list.
Another Example: A fried of mine, who worked with the friend in the first example, is not the sharpest pencil in the drawer. He's not very techincialy savy, but knows enough to get buy. He usually takes his time working on things and he is always bugging other people on how to do his assignments. He comes in late, around 10 am and is prone to take vacations during periods of mandatory overtime. So how come he gets a better review than my first friend? He milks his assignments, so he's always busy. He's alwasy bugging other people, so they think he has a ton of work. It takes him five times as long to do the same task as the first friend. This guy always has something to say at the meetings and always has something to tell his manager. End result is that his co-workers and manager all think he is really busy and working hard, when really, he takes his good old time doing things. I'm even skeptical about his hours, because he tells me that he gets in late and stays until the manager leaves, then he does to. Basically, his job is not to do work, but to make it look like his is doing work. He's pretty good at it too, cause he's been around for 10 years.
What should you learn from this? Perception is more important than reality. The facts do not matter. What does matter is how people interpret the facts, what point of view they have, and what conclusions they draw using the facts from their point of view. You want job security? Being an indespensible guru is nice, but if you can't be that then you have to put yourself in the position to be viewed as a valuable productive member of your organization from the view points of your collegues and managers. You can do this by communication. Make sure you talk to everyone on your team, weither it's about your assignment or theirs. Help others out with their stuff when you can. At the beginning of the day, have a question ready for your manager about your assignment and always have something to tell him that you are working. Always have a comment during status meetings, even if it is just a re-hash of stuff you have already said to others earlier in the week. The trick is, the more you talk about what you are doing, the more it looks like you are busy doing it from their point of view. Part of your job is making your peers believe you are doing a good job. This is not advice on how to slack, but how to keep your job weither you slack or not and someday it may save you from the unemployment line.
Instant Message programs, a more-immediate form of e-mail now used by millions of employees, can also be reconfigured. Typically, if you haven't touched your computer in a while, the people you chat with online see an "idle" message next to your name. Diehard slackers can crack into the program settings to make themselves appear perpetually available.
;P
a *crack* huh? are you sure its not a built-in OPTION?
Many managers (not all) task you with items they believe are required in order for the company to make a product. These frequently come down from higher up as part of some type of corporate strategy or initiative (e.g. If we convert all 5 small databases to use 1 large MS database, we'll save on IT costs in the long run). You (the grunt) are tasked to implement according to the overall goals outlined by your manager.
However, given that your manager (and his/her manager) are multiple degrees of separation from the implementation (remember - a big part of what they care about is the bottom line in dollars), use this opportunity to explore new technologies that can be used for future reductions in cost. Pick up a programming language like perl or python, and start learning how you can automate server configuration deployments. Or, generate ghost images for the major operating systems you use so that new server installations are merely a flash of a disk. Or, start learning things like LDAP, or Active Directory so that when your boss comes to you looking for ideas for future cost cutting, you have some logs already in the fire.
As a programmer, I find downtime to be some of the most rewarding time because it gives me a chance to go back and add elements of automation that I didn't have time to implement during the release crunch. It's also a great opportunity to go back and implement unit tests for the code those-that-came-before-you neglected to write (it's interesting how most of them are now gone from our project). Don't look at downtime as a time where you need to cover your tail in order to save face (or your job) - look at is as an opportunity to plug all the leaks you've ranted to your girlfriend / wife / parents / friends for so long about.
Do it for da shorties