Slashdot Mirror
How to Fake A Hard Day at the Office
futileboy writes "There's a great article in the WSJ about how to use technology to avoid work, while giving the impression of working. At the bottom of the article is "A beginner's guide to making it look like you're working when you're not." "
Having this story posted on Slashdot is like having an article on a paid porn site called, "A beginner's guide to masturbation."
my favorite method is the BOSS key
-m
1. How to fake a hard days work at the office
2. How to find a new job after they figured out you
faked a hard days work at the office.
If you use MS products to try and fake a hard day at the office, it would probably just be easier to put in a good, honest day's work.
Learn from the best, learn from Wally.
-jfedor
Is it possible to fake a hard day and read slashdot at the same time? I hope so.
how to use technology to avoid work
Buy a vibrator.
Best Windows Freeware
This article makes it appear to be a lot of work to avoid...work.
It seems like it would be a lot more exhausting trying to appear to work and worrying about getting caught - especially since a lot of the "avoidance" such as checking and responding to email and voicemail actually IS work - than it would be to just work at the office.
I guess some people just need to feel that they are getting away with something.
~~~~~~~
"You are not remembered for doing what is expected of you." - Atul Chitnis
Add a bunch of fancy titles to your name, including every known Microsoft cert you can get by using cram session, and maybe some of the new Linux certs as well--- and "consult".
Leave the real work for the grunts whom you are helping, and learn how to ask open ended questions to techs who don't express themselves like "normal" people do, so that they come up with their own answers. Don't forget, if you get into a bind, you can always check your resources and go ask on the internet, and just bring them back the emails/posting using the biggest words. More than likely this will cause a light bulb to go off above those tech's heads, and they will go code away for you. (While you consult with that cute secretary down the hall, of course!)
Damnit, my boss is a /. reader. Thanks for blowing my cover Taco! =P
--
mcpsoaak
It goes from God, to Jerry, to me.
"dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope"
The sudden realization of the real reason behind all the dupes on Slashdot... posted by Taco, nonetheless.
Quintus malus puer est.
Scott Adams has covered this topic many a times in several of his books and comics :)
Consensus is good, but informed dictatorship is better
Regular readers of the WSJ don't need this advice any more than /. readers.
Most have trancended to such an advanced state of slacking that they can appear/disappear at their desks at will. They can read e-mails via mind control, and need no lowly cheater devices. Mere mortals fear their omnipresence! Bwahahahaaahahaa!
I don't know why I know that.
Irony: When slashdot posts an article about avoiding work.
Then spend a year surfing the web to test it :)
I can already hear it.
"want to see a huge horse c0ck in a tiny teen c*nt?"
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
I read this somewhere on the 'net, so don't give me credit for it.
Step 1: You must have an office with a door, otherwise this won't work.
Step 2: Scatter some paper clips about the office, making sure to get some under your desk.
Step3: Close the door and lie down on the carpet. Place your feet firmly on the door and reach for a paperclip under your desk.
Step4: Sleep the day away.
If someone should try and opne your door, you will be jarred awake and you can say that you dropped some paper clips and were just reaching for them.
--
From my own personal experience, this works very well.
So rise up, all ye lost ones, as one, we'll claw the clouds.
the other day I was playing nethack at work, thinking that if I'm going to play a game it ought to be one without fancy graphics or anything too out of the ordinary from typical unix like work.
A couple minutes later the boss walks by my desk, drops his jaw in amazement and says, "Is that Rogue???" He was fairly impressed having not seen the game in years and asked for a copy of the source code.
Crack the settings in your Instant Messenger program and disable the "idle" feature, which tells coworkers if you're online. (In AOL Instant Messager programs, go to "preferences," then "privacy.")
I thought this is aimed at people who use computers at work, not retards?
Typically, if you haven't touched your computer in a while, the people you chat with online see an "idle" message next to your name. Diehard slackers can crack into the program settings to make themselves appear perpetually available.
... hang on ...
Sheesh, in MSN you can "crack" this setting by going into Options and unchecking the checkbox for 'My Status'
i.e. setting "Show me away when i'm inactive for 'x' minutes.
I wish 'cracking' other Microsoft products were this easy
Holy crap. I've been working in IT consulting for seven years and I never ever even thought that those emails I get at 1 AM were faked. Although they usually weren't (since I would reply and get a response immediately), no doubt some of them were.
This reminds me of the advice another ten year consultant gave me--no matter if you're busy or not, always claim that you're doing more work at home or at the hotel. He would declare almost every single night that he was working in the hotel. And we would all naively believe him. He later confided to me that he spent most of those nights in the strip club.
a Beowulf cluster of threads that do not have a ms or *nix comment.
According to George Costanza, the best way to fake it is to look and act annoyed. And, quite honestly, it works. Just sigh a lot and run your hands trough your hair (or lack thereof). People always think that you're working hard if you're annoyed.
Dam, maybe i'll get to read this when i get my tps reports done.... now where is my stapler ???
*--- Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side. ---*
Way back when a Mac Plus was state of the art, there was a Space Shuttle simulator/game, that had a panic button for when the boss walked by. Hit that button, and a fake spreadsheet would cover the screen. :)
Especially the part about moving the mouse around and opening up docs every so often. I don't know where that guy worked, but an unattended desktop at my workplace is open season for your personal choice of interesting emails to management. Typically an "I Love You" to their same sex boss is usually appropriate.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
There's this commercial (british, by the sound of the actor's accents) for drink called Smirnoff Ice.
:)
It starts with this guy leaving a car late at night and saying goodbye to his friends (they've obviously been partying), after which he enters a corporate building. He finds what appears to be his desk, sits behind it, places some papers on the desk and rests his head comfortably on the keyboard. The next morning he is woken up by his boss who walks by and says "Been working all night, have you? We need to discuss your salary!", after which the "hard working employee" shows a big grin on his face with the token "As Clear As Your Conscience®" sparkle.
Many commercials are crap, but I found this one to be pretty funny.
"Oooh, does that mean we get to kick some puffy white mad zionist butt?"
I don't feel like watching it. It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
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The Signature could not be accessed. Please try again later or contact the administrator
Sitting in a dinner for three hours, that's like punishment.
I agree. It also makes the dinner you're sitting in less than appetizing.
Until someone realizes you have replaced your own job with a script and hires the script to replace you.
Trust me. :-)
(Hint:- 9:10AM at workplace. I'm Indian. I'm browsing Slashdot.)
More than mere navel gazing.
...by Jason Blair, formally of the NYT
I guess some companies aren't savvy enough to realize that employees -- particularly IT employees -- don't necessarily need to be at their desks to do your job.
It's not that. Rather, companies think that if they don't have you around to look at, they may as well have someone else in another timezone who charges $5/hr.
"We returned the General to El Salvador, or maybe Guatemala, it's difficult to tell from 10,000 feet"
15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
9. "Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
6. "The coffee machine is broken...."
5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
2. "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
And the #1 Thing to Say If You Get Caught Sleeping at Your Desk is...
1. "Amen..."
Good security is based upon reality and common sense. Common sense is a function of having common knowledge.
- I generally come in at least 15 minutes late. I use the side door, that way Lumbergh can't see me. And after that I just sorta space out for an hour.
- Space out?
- Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working.
I find it humorous that you got tired of typing "GoToMyPC" (8 characters) and instead typed "had to give up typing the whole thing (36 characters)
I have no
Seriously, the guys in India, Russia, et. al. are working their asses off for far less money than IT professionals make here.
Or they are slacking off for far less money than IT professionals in other places.
... to manipulate the screen on his office computer from a booth at a local diner. As he lingered for hours over burgers and fries, he could actually open windows and move documents around ...
This guy is probably XXL.