The 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference

Jacek Fedorynski writes "I present to you an urgent and confidential request: I request your attendance at The 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference. This is an excellent opportunity to meet your distinguished colleagues, learn new marketing techniques, and spend your hard-earned money. Attending this conference demands the highest trust, security and confidentiality between us."

Comments

George W

[lordgert]

I wonder if George W Bush plans on attending?

Re:George W

[mrseigen]

It's also been published in the latest issue of 2600.

Registration Fee: $995 per person

[JustKidding]

also available:

* Nigerian scams reloaded
* Free viagra
* Penis or breast enlargements (1 per person)

really?

[thanjee]

I thought the Nigerians were very good at writing email. I am constantly getting email from them asking me to send my bank details so they can deposit large sums of money. They are always very polite.

Re:really?

[stinky wizzleteats]

Nigerian scammers are fun. I had one convinced that I had to go to Mos Eisley (a local town named after a Confederate general) to sell my speeder (a small vehicle used for farming) to raise the funds for the transaction. (We don't have a bank account. My father, Anakin, lived through the Depression and doesn't trust banks).

I told him that I was laughed out of the Western Union office for trying to wire money to "Bank Attorney" (he gave me no address or other info), and that I had to spend some of the money buying a ride home from a couple of greasy dudes driving around in a 1976 Millenium Falcon pickup truck. He sent me his name and address. I told him that the Western Union ticket couldn't be changed and that I needed him to send me $3 so that I could redeem the ticket and send him the full sum. I gave him a few weeks to see if he would actually wire me $3, but when he didn't, I gave his name to the FBI, state department, and Nigerian authorities.

What?

[vistic]

I have colleages?

In Nigeria of all places... hmmmm.

I never knew.

I attended the first two...

[Mattygfunk1]

... and I can't recommend them highly enough. Not only were the speakers informative, but the opportunities to network were sensational.

I will insist that my boss sends me again this year, and I'm sure I will report that it was once again a must-attend event.

__
cheap web hosting Dragon life-like action figures

Maybe that'll help preventing hiccups like this

[Baumi]

You know a scammer needs some training when he get fooled into sending real gold to his "victim". :-)

Too busy to attend

[McAddress]

b/c I am checking out "Free Hot Teen Girls Who Want To Sleep With You"

Cool Spoof

[SkArcher]

Some of the other links from the blog page are even funnier, especially the one about M$ spam

And the one about the periodic table of elements... some people are just odd.

How ridiculous

[zazas_mmmm]

Hello Taco, MY NAME IS William Gates and I have been having some problems with the AMERICAN GOVERNMENT and a nasty company called AOL TIME WARNER who think they are going to get a LARGE SUM OF MONEY from me.

BECASUE OF GOVERNMENT SCRUTINY I NEED YOUR HELP IN TRANSFERING THE SUM OF 750,000,000 TO A SWISS BANK ACCOUNT.

FOR YOUR HELP, I WILL STOP FUNDING SCO'S ATTACK ON LINUX.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP IN THIS MATTER
WILLIAM GATES

Wrong address

[GQuon]

All attendees should be aware that the contact address is wrong. The address on the page is the place where the conference will take place.

For registration, please send the registration fee and your address here:

Fede Raltra
Decom Mission
CRC-240
600 Penn Syl Vania Ave, NW
Wa Shing Ton, D.C. 20580
Nigeria

Sincerely yours
Fede Raltra

Slashjoke?

[dolbywan_kenobi]

Since Slashdot is now running tongue-in-cheek stories, for your entertainment here's one: http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/

for you Hilton HHonors Members

[Multics]

For you Hilton HHonors members, there is also a Hilton not too far away:

Hilton Abuja

From their site:

Creditcard confirmation required

;-)

-- Multics

Re:for you Hilton HHonors Members

[Lachrymite]

As someone who has been living in Abuja, Nigeria for the past two months, I would like to say, watching people pay for their rooms at the Hilton can be pretty hilarious.

You get a better exchange rate on the currency black market, so most people transfer their cash there. The problem is you're bound to whatever bills they have. It costs like N20,000 per night to stay at the Hilton, and when a friend of mine was staying for a week, the biggest bill he got from the black market was N50, with a lot of N10 and N5. He had to have people truck in his money in wheelbarrows, and it took them 45 minutes using money counting machines to count it all.

Have you read this?

[SkArcher]

Might be a spoof. Might not. All of it rings eerily plausible.

An MSN tech speaks

First Niggerian Spam Post!

[Anonymous Coward]

IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED :
HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH
DEAR SIR/MADAM,

I AM GEORGE WALKER BUSH, SON OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH, AND CURRENTLY SERVING AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT MET NEITHER IN PERSON NOR BY CORRESPONDENCE. I CAME TO KNOW OF YOU IN MY SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE A VERY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION, WHICH INVOLVES THE TRANSFER OF A HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO AN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE.

I AM WRITING YOU IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE PRIMARILY TO SEEK YOUR ASSISTANCE IN ACQUIRING OIL FUNDS THAT ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ. MY PARTNERS AND I SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE IN COMPLETING A TRANSACTION BEGUN BY MY FATHER, WHO HAS LONG BEEN ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN THE EXTRACTION OF PETROLEUM IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND BRAVELY SERVED HIS COUNTRY AS DIRECTOR OF THE UNITED STATES CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY.

IN THE DECADE OF THE NINETEEN-EIGHTIES, MY FATHER, THEN VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, SOUGHT TO WORK WITH THE GOOD OFFICES OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ TO REGAIN LOST OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF IRAN. THIS UNSUCCESSFUL VENTURE WAS SOON FOLLOWED BY A FALLING OUT WITH HIS IRAQI PARTNER, WHO SOUGHT TO ACQUIRE ADDITIONAL OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING EMIRATE OF KUWAIT, A WHOLLY-OWNED U.S.-BRITISH SUBSIDIARY.

MY FATHER RE-SECURED THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF KUWAIT IN 1991 AT A COST OF SIXTY-ONE BILLION U.S. DOLLARS ($61,000,000,000). OUT OF THAT COST, THIRTY-SIX BILLION DOLLARS ($36,000,000,000) WERE SUPPLIED BY HIS PARTNERS IN THE KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA AND OTHER PERSIAN GULF MONARCHIES, AND SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS ($16,000,000,000) BY GERMAN AND JAPANESE PARTNERS. BUT MY FATHER'S FORMER IRAQI BUSINESS PARTNER REMAINED IN CONTROL OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ITS PETROLEUM RESERVES.

MY FAMILY IS CALLING FOR YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN FUNDING THE REMOVAL OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ACQUIRING THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF HIS COUNTRY, AS COMPENSATION FOR THE COSTS OF REMOVING HIM FROM POWER. UNFORTUNATELY, OUR PARTNERS FROM 1991 ARE NOT WILLING TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN OF THIS NEW VENTURE, WHICH IN ITS UPCOMING PHASE MAY COST THE SUM OF 100 BILLION TO 200 BILLION DOLLARS ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), BOTH IN THE INITIAL ACQUISITION AND IN LONG-TERM MANAGEMENT.

WITHOUT THE FUNDS FROM OUR 1991 PARTNERS, WE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ACQUIRE THE OIL REVENUE TRAPPED WITHIN IRAQ. THAT IS WHY MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES ARE URGENTLY SEEKING YOUR GRACIOUS ASSISTANCE. OUR DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES IN THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION INCLUDE THE SITTING VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, RICHARD CHENEY, WHO IS AN ORIGINAL PARTNER IN THE IRAQ VENTURE AND FORMER HEAD OF THE HALLIBURTON OIL COMPANY, AND CONDOLEEZA RICE, WHOSE PROFESSIONAL DEDICATION TO THE VENTURE WAS DEMONSTRATED IN THE NAMING OF A CHEVRON OIL TANKER AFTER HER.

I WOULD BESEECH YOU TO TRANSFER A SUM EQUALING TEN TO TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT (10-25 %) OF YOUR YEARLY INCOME TO OUR ACCOUNT TO AID IN THIS IMPORTANT VENTURE. THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL FUNCTION AS OUR TRUSTED INTERMEDIARY. I PROPOSE THAT YOU MAKE THIS TRANSFER BEFORE THE FIFTEENTH (15TH) OF THE MONTH OF APRIL.

I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE WOULD MAKE ANYONE APPREHENSIVE AND WORRIED. BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT ALL WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY. A BOLD STEP TAKEN SHALL NOT BE REGRETTED, I ASSURE YOU. PLEASE DO BE INFORMED THAT THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO CO-OPERATE IN THIS TRANSACTION, PLEASE CONTACT OUR INTERMEDIARY REPRESENTATIVES TO FURTHER DISCUSS THE MATTER.

I PRAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OUR PLIGHT. MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES WILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL. PLEASE REPLY IN STRICT CONFIDENCE TO THE CONTACT NUMBERS BELOW.

SINCERELY WITH WARM REGARDS,

GEORGE WALKER

Re:Jesus fucking christ

[Scrameustache]

Hey, we hate spammers of all colours! Our hatred spans all races, creeds and sexual orientation.

PS Die spammers die

Must-read link

[Anonymous Coward]

No discussion of the nigerian fee scam is complete without a link to the single funniest thing I've read from Slashdot: a guy who went to a lot of trouble to scam the scammers. Trust me, you'll like it.

Reminds Me.

[The Cydonian]

We were arranging an essay competition once in my university. Because I was the chief editor (or some crappy designation) of a student club, I was supposed to come up with an email advert, which, after getting approved by the student club president, would have gotten mass-mailed to everyone in the faculty. Needless to say, I was pissed off with the arrangement; surely, there were better ways of spending a Sunday night. More to the point, writing emails wasn't fun.

So, as an effort at having some fun, while at the same time, creatively getting the message across, I took the George W Bush spam and modified it for university use:-

DEAR SIR / MADAM,
I AM MABABWE POBERABE, SON OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF ANCREDIA, JOHN HERPES POBERABE, AND CURRENTLY SERVING AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED BANK OF ANCREDIA. THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT MET NEITHER IN PERSON NOR BY CORRESPONDENCE. I CAME TO KNOW OF YOU IN MY SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE A VERY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION, WHICH INVOLVES THE TRANSFER OF A HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO AN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE.

I AM WRITING YOU IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE PRIMARILY TO SEEK YOUR ASSISTANCE IN ACQUIRING CERTAIN DOCUMENTS RELATED TO FOUR SUBJECTS. MY PARTNERS AND I SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE IN COMPLETING A TRANSACTION BEGUN BY MY FATHER, WHO HAS LONG BEEN ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN THE WILFUL CREATION OF TEXTS OF A HIGH QUALITY. IN THE DECADE OF THE NINETEEN-NINETIES, MY FATHER, THEN VICE-PRESIDENT OF ANCREDIA, SOUGHT TO WORK AND WRITE ON HIS GREAT ANCREDIAN NOVEL, BUT UNFORTUNATELY, OWING TO POLITICAL CONDITIONS THEN, HAD TO DEPOSE HIS RULER AND HAS BEEN BUSY EVER SINCE.

MY FAMILY IS CALLING FOR YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN OBTAINING THE SAID PAPERS FOR YOUR ESTEEMED WRITING PLEASURE. INSPITE OF ALL THIS, WE HAVE RESOLVED TO PRESENT YOU WITH A SUM OF HUNDRED DOLLARS ($100) FOR YOUR EFFORT IF WE UNANIMOUSLY AGREE THAT YOURS IS THE BEST WRITING WE RECEIVE. THE NATURE OF YOUR GPA IS NOT RELEVANT TO THE SUCCESSFUL EXECUTION OF THIS TRANSACTION WHAT WE REQUIRE IS YOUR TOTAL CO-OPERATION AND COMMITMENT TO ENSURE 100% RISK-FREE TRANSACTION

I WOULD BESEECH YOU TO TRANSFER A PAPER EQUALING FIFTEEN HUNDRED TO TWO THOUSAND WORDS TO OUR WEBSITE ACCOUNT (<insert website address here>) TO AID IN THIS IMPORTANT VENTURE. THE CLUB OF <insert club name> OF <university> WILL FUNCTION AS OUR TRUSTED INTERMEDIARY. I PROPOSE THAT YOU MAKE THIS TRANSFER BEFORE MIDNIGHT OF THE NIGHT OF THE EIGHTH (8TH) OF THE MONTH OF MARCH.

I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE WOULD MAKE ANYONE APPREHENSIVE AND WORRIED. BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT ALL WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY. A BOLD STEP TAKEN SHALL NOT BE REGRETTED, I ASSURE YOU. PLEASE DO BE INFORMED THAT THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO CO-OPERATE IN THIS TRANSACTION, PLEASE CONTACT OUR INTERMEDIARY REPRESENTATIVES TO FURTHER DISCUSS THE MATTER.

PLEASE REPLY IN STRICT CONFIDENCE TO THE WEBSITE ACCOUNT.

SINCERELY WITH WARM REGARDS,
MABABE POBERABE

--
Note:-
1) The rules and conditions set in the website are final and binding.
2) While the actual text is inspired by scam spam floating on the web, this in itself is a regular, legal, essay competition. Please check the website for more details.

Surprisingly enough, I had to mail my prez thrice to get this through; seems the first two times, he mistook it for an actual Nigerian scam. Poetic success I guess.

No, we didn't mass-mail this version.

Re:World Economics

[Jeremiah Cornelius]

Nigeria has bigger problems than e-mail scam artists