Microsoft Patenting IM Translation?

theodp writes "The USPTO just published Microsoft's patent application for a Method and system for translating instant messages, in which the software giant demonstrates how an English-speaking sender can type 'Hi' in an IM and it will be translated to 'Hola' for a Spanish-speaking recipient."

Comments

Bite the wax tadpole

[jkeegan]

This should be interesting.. I wonder how many international incidents will be caused by poor translation once we're used to assuming it works well.

Re:Bite the wax tadpole

[MrLint]

Hell id pay for soemtont to write somethign that can autotranslate my bad typing into english.

My irc 'pals' have made me a verb to stand for typos.

Re:Bite the wax tadpole

[TheViffer]

All your base are belong to us!!

I am so sad, I could not resist ...

Re:Bite the wax tadpole

[aelfwyne]

Well... if we put your "all your base" line through babelfish... Imagine this is a rumor spread through a translation infested network.... Here it is translated into several languages, and back into english between each.. then the translation is translated, etc (not including japanese and korean output directly, as I'm not quite sure how well slashdot would handle that).

English: All your base are belong to us!!
Spanish: Toda su base es pertenece a nosotros!!
English: All its base is belongs to us!
French: Toute sa base est appartient à nous!
English: All its base east belongs to us!
Japanese: (Can't display....)
English: Fundamental east everything belongs to us
Korean: (Can't display....)
English: Basic the east all is attached to us

What do you want to say today?

[mao che minh]

I don't know if I want Microsoft in charge of semantics.

User one types: "I use Linux, how about you?"
.....translater.....
User two's screen: "I am a communist with viral ideas towards intellectual property"

User one types: "Have you heard about Microsoft's monopoly and their under-handed business tactics?"
....translater....
User two's screen: "Have you heard about how Microsoft's masterful innovation in information technology has made it the industry leader?"

Or if Stallman coded such a utility/library:

User one types: "I want some pizza"
.....translater.....
User two's screen: "I (as in "self") want (as in "desire") some GNU\Pizza"

Re:What do you want to say today?

[GGardner]

User two's screen: "I (as in "self") want (as in "desire") some GNU\Pizza"

And it better be free!

Re:What do you want to say today?

[frodo from middle ea]

No as in pizza.

OMG!11!!

[thenightfly42]

How does it translate "omg, LOL"? Or perhaps there's a teenager->English option?

Cool

[Anonymous Coward]

My hovercraft is full of eels!

Re:Cool

[Anonymous Coward]

Do you waaaaaaaant to come back to my place - bouncey, bouncey!

Code!

[zebs]

Heres the code!

char *translate()
{
char *str;
int i;
i = rand() % 5;
switch( i ) {
case 0: str = "What r u wearing?"; break;
case 1: str = "Want 2 cyber?"; break;
case 2: str = "All your base are belong to us"; break;
case 3: str = "I'm a stripper"; break;
case 4: str = "Bill Gates is great :)"; break;
default: str = "lol";
}
return str;
}

Can't see it working to well, babelfish has a hard enough job dealing with... generally.. well written websites. How will it handle, "how u 2 day?"?

(Sorry for the bad code... its been a while...)

Re:Code!

[SEWilco]

Boss, here is that program you needed tonight.

carbón *translate()
{<ecode>
carbón *str;
interno i;
i = rand() % 5;
switch( i ) {
caso 0: str = "What r u wearing?"; rotura;
caso 1: str = "Want 2 cyber?"; rotura;
caso 2: str = "All your base are belong to us"; rotura;
caso 3: str = "I'm a stripper"; rotura;
caso 4: str = "Bill Gates is great :)"; rotura;
defecto: str = "lol";
}

str de vuelta; }

Re:Code!

[jared_hanson]

You must have taken this directly off your SourceSafe servers at work. This is exactly the code Microsoft wrote to do this, given its tendency towards overwriting memory and other obvious errors.

Re:Code!

[JediTrainer]

Shit, man! You've just copied 15 lines of SCO code from their kernel! They're gonna sue your ass!

1337?

[PhoenxHwk]

But the real question is: will it translate English to 1337 so I can talk to my little cousin?

Me: Haha, I just beat you at CS!
Translation: 0w|\|d j00! C$ p053r!

Imagine the fun with bad translations..

[rtm1]

I can just see the guy in Japan telling his buddy in the US about his new apartment or something and MS's translation engine kicking out "All your base are belong to us.."

sweet!

[grub]

Linux user sends: Linux rocks!
..
MS' IM translation magic
..
Joe Lunchbucket gets: http://www.goatse.cx

Oh, I can just see it now.

[packethead]

Translating isn't the same as replacing the verbatum text word-for-word. There are idiomatic and grammatical nuances to take into account.

Language1: May I buy you dinner?
Translation: Can I offer you money to eat you?

Re:Oh, I can just see it now.

[kin_korn_karn]

if you have to pay to eat the bitch then she's ripping you off twice.

Bad Headline

[donutello]

This is below par for Slashdot. I would have expected the headline to read "Microsoft patents IM" or "Microsoft patents translation".

How are we supposed to come up with knee-jerk reactions without reading the article if Slashdot doesn't help us?

Patent? Doesn't Star Trek Consitute Prior Art?

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm wondering if M$ didn't steal this idea from the United Federation of Planets...

The Universal Tranlator worked much better and that was like in 1967 - they showed it on that space documentary Star Trek...

Honestly, the nerve of some people...

Obligatory Patent "Translation"

[BandwidthHog]

There are several systems currently available for addressing such language barriers. In one system, a user of an instant messaging tool types a message in their source language, preferred language, or into a text field, then "cuts and pastes" the text into a separate translation program. The user must then activate the translation tool to translate the message into the destination language, and cut and paste the translated text back into the text field of the instant messaging tool. Once this is complete, the user can transmit the message. While this method can be effective, it is obvious that the process of continually cutting, pasting and switching between applications significantly impedes the communication process.

Translates to:

Okay, we finally admit that the point-n-click interface isn't the single most effective means of accomplishing every last task mankind could ever come up with.

So we hereby patent the 'pipe' command.

Even in systems where entries typed into the messaging tool are converted "on-the-fly", such as by activating a "Translate" button that links the instant messaging program to a translation tool; the extra steps required by the user compromise the real-time communication experience.

Translates to:

Screw you Jeff, I just patented the zero-click!

Re:A couple thoughts

[OwnerOfWhinyCat]

This was probably a marketing department patent.

They're probably out to launch some kind of "We're so much better than AOL campaign and wanted to make sure that this bullet point on their list of features could be unique to them.

The fact that they did it poorly is unsurprising.

Given the way babel fish treats documents with whole paragraphs worth of context, It's hard to imagine that IM language translation is going to be remotely useful.

Claude: Hi, Ivan, that vaccuum cleaner you left is on the fritz again, it doesn't suck.

Brrrring! You have a new translated message from: buddy_claude "Hello, I use recreational vehicles. The space you left was cleansed by Fritz repeatedly. It is great.

�Recepci�n!

[spoonyfork]

What they type...

a/s/l por favor Hola, cómo va? Qué usted está usando? Desee al cyber? Satisfágame en los Juguetes R Nosotros en la cañería. Traeré un vino de la botella y dos condoms.

What your kids see...

a/s/l please Hi, how goes? What you are using? Wish when cyber? Meet in Toys R We in the pipe. I will bring a wine of bottle and two condoms.

Re:A couple thoughts

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah--when my Mexican friend talks to me he thinks in Spanish but translates his thoughts into English so my monolingual ass can understand him.

Sorry, prior art:

[psxndc]

http://ssshotaru.homestead.com/files/aolertranslat or.html

psxndc

Re:Sorry, prior art:

[Jonner]

Unfortunately, as cool as that tool is, it can't reverse the brain damage, which is what the parent poster was looking for.

Translation:

UNFORTUNAETLY AS COL AS TAHT 2L IS IT CANT R3VARSE TEH BRANE DMAEG WHICH IS WT PAERNT POST3R WAS LOKNG FOR!!1! OMG LOL

Re:Um...

[iapetus]

Or, as Babelfish would say after a round trip into Japanese:

The patent already as for me thinks of that it is in machine translation and high.

now we speak to the people of the place of the foreign country, makes us maintain it is possible the barrier of word. Now it can obstruct our communications exactly with the ??? of machine translation, as for us it is not possible to understand in any case. The smell progress of the Ahh being sweet!

Re:A couple thoughts

[hesiod]

> he thinks in Spanish but translates his thoughts into English

Sweet, God can claim prior art! Who'da thunkit.

Re:Patent? Doesn't Star Trek Consitute Prior Art?

[h00pla]

Yeh, that must have been some translator. Just think - it didn't crash trying to translate William Shatner's way of speaking

The man ...... will cease ..... to exist

We are .... on a ... peace .... ful mission

(God it's hard doing Shatner in a slashdot post!)

Here's one

[packethead]

IM_client1: I knit once a day
Translation: init 1

Then suddenly IM_client2 bumps his desk and the system mouse's over an xterm, stealing the focus and he types init 1 ?

IM_client2: Hello. Are you there?

I just tried this with the fish...

[FirstNoel]

Hi, Ivan, that vaccuum cleaner you left is on the fritz again, it doesn't suck

English to Spanish....

Hi, Ivan, ese limpiador del vaccuum que usted dejó
está en el fritz otra vez, él no aspira.

Spanish back to English...

Hi, Ivan, that cleaner of the vaccuum that you left you are in the Fritz again, he does not aspire.

Close but not quite...

Microsoft will have it hands full.

Sean D.

Re:A couple thoughts

[pyrote]

Ya but except for nasty warts or uglieness, he's un-likely to persue legal matters.
Looking at Gates' visage, I think god already won.

Translate this, Bill

[BigBadBri]

Baise mon cul.

Si vous croyez qu'on peut tener un brevet pour traduction des MI, vous etes un plus gros connard que j'ai pensee.

Encoule toi, voleur!

some more translations

[abhisarda]

Secure computing is our focus-

we are as insecure as hell can be.

automatic windowsupdate-

we don't need anymore embarassments.

US legal system-

we gotta check which pocket it is in.

We are optimistic about china-

Bill will not be alive to see MS china turn a profit.

aids program africa-

You will be given 60 million $. 40 million will come
back to the US in inflated drug profits.

windows eula-

you've handed your ass to us on a gold plate.

xbox-

we gotta blow that 40 billion somewhere ya know.

pocket pc -

Its just happy to see you.

WindowsME-

We got that one done by monkeys. The ones who rivalled
Shakespeare. Our real engineers were trying to figure out
if their muffins were y2k compliant.

Microsoft Test Labs-

Have you rebooted your toaster today?

Hotmail-

We haven't gotten to the bottom yet. But we're getting there

Outlook Express-

Your gateway to the wonderful world of viruses.

Clippy-

The result of years of hard research at our lame labs.

Apple-

Our *real* research labs.

Fun with Babelfish...

[Temsi]

With the incorrect "vaccuum" spelling, things get a bit messed up:

English-French-English:
Hello, Ivan, this pickling solution of vaccuum that you left is on fritz still, it does not suck.

English-Portugese-English:
Hi, Ivan, this liquid of cleanness that of vaccuum you left is in fritz another time, it does not suck.

However, with the correct spelling og "vacuum", something still gets lost in the translation, especially if you use more than one step:

English-French-German-English:
Good day, Iwan, this vacuum cleaner, which you left, is not still on Fritz, it sucks.

and my personal favorite,
English-German-French-English:
Hallo, is not again of Ivan, this vacuum cleaner which you left, on Fritz, sucks to him.

Reason to be paranoid?

[inkswamp]

They write:

Je deteste Microsoft!

You see:

I love the innovation and security that I get only with fine Microsoft products!

Of course, if you had read the 40-page EULA for this translation software, you'd have known that this was going to happen.

Re:Reason to be paranoid?

[cookiepus]

Slashdot's been doing that for years. One writes a reasonably, well thought out post, only to have the server translate it into some formulaic rant about Microsoft being out to get you in some manner.

The dawn of a new patent era

[CustomDesigned]

The first era of software patents:

Do something we've done for hundreds of years - but do it on a computer!

The second era of software patents:

Do something we've done on computers for decades - but do it on the web!

The new era of software patents:

Do something we've done on the web for years - but do it on IM!

Re:Patent? Doesn't Star Trek Consitute Prior Art?

[I Like Swords!!!]

Ewww, that's one place I did NOT want to boldly go... Thanks for the brain hemorrhage.

I have prior art.

[SHEENmaster]

#!/bin/sh
#This program converts English to a different language
#Pipe shutdown announcements for it to keep the
#slow witted among users from saving their files.
#
#by: Travis Goodspeed, aka SHEENmaster
pig|wall