Slashdot Mirror
Celebrating Bad Game Packaging Art
May Kasahara writes "Recently, I discovered The Gallery of Hideous Box Art, a collection of some of the worst illustrations ever to grace video game packaging. Many of the entries compare the US cover artwork to the (superior) Japanese ones; in some cases, comparisons with screenshots are also made. Come browse through the annals of video-game-artwork badness, from Strider on through to Wonder Boy III."
Linked to on Slashdot's frontpage... I smell disaster.
Does Windows XP constitute as a game because I hate its art. I also kind of hate it.
While I wouldn't say it was hideous, this definitely seems to be the time to bring up the original box art for Wizards and Warriors 2: Ironsword, for the NES.
Why? Well, for no other reason than that that is, in fact, the one and only Fabio, in silly costume, portraying the main character.
http://kidfenris.com/wbface.gif
"Have you ever thought about just turning off the TV, sitting down with your kids, and hitting them?"
Megaman? I mean it's one thing to make bad box art for a bad game (read: rival turf), but Megaman was a classic.. and the cover art, well .. check it out:
ack!
"Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness." --Eric Blair
That's just the smell of a server melting under a Slashdotting.
(Weeps into hands)
has a character that looks like Rosie O Donnel with a sword.
(AHHHHrrgh!)
Man, they just don't make art like that anymore. Does anyone have Starpath art online anywhere? Revenge of the MindMaster and Communist Mutants from Outer Space featured some pretty strange (but cool to me) cover art.
Blogging because I can...
I wonder if Tycho was thinking about this when he said that...
Thats nothing- one time I saw an old game that was just translated from some japanese or something, and the translation was so bad. It seriously went something like this:
(big spaceship flying)
bad guy: hello you, everything you have is belong to us and now we will kill you!
good guy: Nooooooo!
bad guy: ha ha ha ha!
I couldnt believe it, but I swear it was that bad.
May Kasahara writes "Recently, I discovered The Gallery of Hideous Box Art, a collection of some of the worst illustrations ever to grace video game packaging.
Surely not as hideous as slashdot's classic games colour scheme eh?
Ceci n'est pas une
I'm sure there's bad box art for every system out there. Check out this one for the old Commodore 64. I don't think the problems with this one end with the box art though...
Close, but no cigar. I've fixed the caps because of the Lameness Filter, but here is the actual text ripped from the game - Zero Wing by Toaplan for Megadrive (UK Genesis)
....
-uso.
In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.
Captain: What happen ?
Mechanic: Somebody set up us
the bomb.
Operator: We get signal.
Captain: What !
Operator: Main screen turn on.
Captain: It's you !!
Cats: How are you gentlemen !!
All your base are belong
to us.
You are on the way to
destruction.
Captain: What you say !!
Cats: You have no chance to
survive make your time.
Ha ha ha ha
Operator: Captain !!
Captain: Take off every 'Zig'!!
Captain: You know what you doing.
Captain: Move 'Zig'
Captain: For great justice.
Dreams, dreams, don't doubt dreams, dreaming children's dreaming dreams. Sailor Moon SS
They should write an article about bad translations in video games. Zero Wing would certainly be #1.
Homestarrunner.net -- It's Dot Com!
Definitely Zork. Great cover art, but the in-game graphics sucked.
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(For the humor-impaired: Zork was an early Infocom text-only adventure game, and was incredibly fun. Zork is probably older than most of the people who are reading this, which makes me feel thirty-one flavors of Geezer.)
I remember Miner 2049er had particularly crappy art:
% 20vol%20II.jpg)
Image here
(http://www.mutantes.com.ar/images/miner%202049
Your hybrid is not saving the environment. Its purpose is to make you feel good about buying something.
Every time someone mentions Fabio, I remember this episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, where in the invention excange segment, there was a Fabio kit.
Went kinda like:
Fabio...Fabio...Fabio...Yes we're all Fabio, and you can be Fabio too, with our excluse Fabio kit. Comes with blah blah blah...
Crow and Tom Servo in horrid blonde wigs with carboard pecs taped to thier bodies...
oh god...I can't stop laughing...
If Mr. Edison had thought smarter he wouldn't sweat as much. --Nikola Tesla
... the worst cover art I've ever seen is this.
== Jez ==
Do you miss Firefox? Try Pale Moon.
Isn't that the exact same expression as the Sta-Puff Marshmallow Man?
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Hmm, are you sure you are not looking at the superior-Japanese-versions-for-comparison rather than the dodgy-Yank-versions-for-cheap-laughs? :)
Yeah, I have to agree that the "404 Not Found" box cover art is pretty hideous as well.
// file: mice.h
#include "frickin_lasers.h"
From GameSpy
Since older videogames had relatively simple graphics, box art artists often had to "embellish" and conjure up visions of what they imagined the game would look like if the creators had more than 16k of memory to work with.
Unfortunately, the guy who did the artwork for the Atari Computer port of Pac-Man envisioned Pac-Man as a buck-toothed, Frisbee eating, washed-up marathon runner with high socks who lived in a castle.
There's a rumor that a live-action Pac-Man movie may be in the works, but it won't be nearly as good as my version. If I directed the film, Pac-Man would be an unemployed guy in a yellow suit who lives in a dirty apartment and verbally abuses his wife (Mrs. Pac-Man). At the beginning of the film, Mrs. Pac-Man leaves Pac-Man for Dig Dug ("At least that way I'll get a good pumping every once in awhile," she'll say) and Pac-Man soon spirals deep into a crippling "power pellet" addiction. To make matters worse, the ghosts buy Pac-Man's apartment complex and threaten to evict him. Pac-Man is powerless to stop the ghosts, so he gets chased from his home and ends up chomping up marbles on the street. Eventually, he starts having seizures due to pellet withdrawal and ends up in rehab. He's cured and released, but ends up overdosing on power pellets, bursting into the landlord's office, and eating all the ghosts to death. Then Pac-Man goes on trial for murder and it's really dramatic.
Hollywood will no doubt steal my brilliant story idea. Just you wait.
Not as good as that "Cock'em", I'll admit. That's downright creepy.
"Ask not what your country can do for you." --John F. Kennedy
Publisher: Prism
Developer: Jawx
Genre: Arcade, Miscellaneous
Players: One Player
One player? Surely it should be at least two. Otherwise there would be nowhere to actually put the... oh nevermind.
These games boxes don't have a thing on Taiwanese motherboard boxes. If you want to talk about cheesey artwork, they're untouchable.
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You bastards!
Dead Slashdot, I found the coolest site in the entire world. Please, post it for millions to see and click on and drive into the ground so the site that gave me some enjoyment can be completely wiped off the face of the internet in a few moments. Thank you!
From a meeting between representatives of Origin and Electronic Arts:
"Be Happy or Die." -- AoN
Should at least give them a warning, something like:
"Dear X,
Today, *you* have been chosen for the daily trample-fest that is slashdot.
You webserver will melt at T minus 10
Thankyou"
h
To sig or not to sig, that is the question. Whether it is nobler in the CPU to suffer the links and melted server of a bloody slashdotting or would rather those snot-nosed comments bear.
Patriotism is a virtue of the vicious
Really? That's like this thing I saw once, but it was about bases!
How'd it go... All of your bases do belong to them... Something like that. Anyhow, it was really funny. I wish I knew where I saw that, but it was some obscure site a long time ago. I'm sure nobody remembers it. The strange thing is that I coulda sworn I saw someone wearing a T-shirt with that very same wording on it just the other day! I mean, talk about your coincidences. First someone screws up the translation on a game, and then later someone independantly screws up the translation for something on a T-shirt?
It's really funny how badly these Japanese people mess up our English.
Reminds me of a website I ran across one day. It had lots of little cartoon hamsters, animated so that it looked as if they were dancing. Plus there was music.
I don't know if anyone's heard of it or not, but it was really something.
Thanks for this one!
This cover was my introduction to 'Page 3 Girls' (its Maria Whitaker modelling, btw) - a headstart down the road of perversity, and the first time I've been genuinely disappointed that the cover did not represent the game accurately...