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Could Google Be SCO's Next Big Target?
An anonymous reader writes "Well, Darl and co. may have decided which company to sue next: Google. Sources say Google will be sued for not paying their Linux taxes. The story quotes 'Industry wags are saying that God invented SCO to give people a company to hate more than Microsoft.'" This is all speculation until such a suit is filed, though.
and Google could just "accidentally" link all SCO investor sites to certain websites specializing in goat mating signals.
There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from the bread factory.
Give it a year or so, the SCO debacle will be over, and people will be back to having MS on the top of their hate lists.
- ------- There are ten kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who... Huh?
After google, they are planning on suing the vatican, I mean why mess with these little penny ante companies when you can sue your way into heaven?
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
*moderates +5 aluminium hat*
-kgj
-kgj
I think the JFK fits in there somewhere too.
The scene: a smoky downtown office lit by one bare lightbulb. Mr D is sitting at his desk, studying his computer screen.
... silence
"Damn", he says, and picks up the phone. "Get your ass in here!", he shouts, and puts the receiver down again.
A sweaty figure stumbles into the room, sneezes, and puts his coke tin and bottle of JDs on the table. "Whazzup, boss?"
"Our stock fell by two points. We need to sue someone. Who's left?"
"Uh, I think we sued them all, boss. Uh, wait, how about Microsoft?"
"MORON!! They're the nice gentlemen we met this morning!"
"Sorry, boss, it's the coke, it's making me forget shit."
"Look, we need a name, and we need it fast."
"Boss, why not try Google?"
"BRILLIANT!!! WE'LL SUE GOOGLE!!!"
"Uh, I meant just try the search... oh, shit."
"Get on the line to our hacks. This is going to be so big. We can ask for $699 per search result. Per web page. Per pagerank. Whatever, so long as we get into twelve figures."
"OK, Boss, you're the boss..." (picks up JD, stumbles out)
sniff... sniff... SNEEZE!
Ceci n'est pas une signature
Let'em try it. Google has the power to 'erase' all memory of SCO from the internet...
An imagined future google session:
enter 'SCO', hit the 'I'm feeling lucky' button...
1. Southern College of Optometry (SCO)
2. Small Corporate Operation (SCO)
3. SCOffer's anonymous
4. Small Company the Offed itself (SCO)
5. Stupid Company Operation (SCO)
6. Some Company or Other (SCO)
Google: Well thanks, but we're not interested.
Balmer: Think about it, there will be consequences!
Google: Thought about it
Balmer (to SCO): Darl ... Yes Yes Yes ..... fade
Darl (bowing): Yes Master
Balmer: You know what to do, dont you?
Darl (salivating): Yes Master
All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be
And then it would run so poorly, we'd either be calling it gaggle or gurgle. :)
Nah, Satan would never create something like SCO. SCO would annoy Satan too much. But doesnt your god love doing things you dont understand? And pissing off people that dont deserve it? Yep. They're an angel from heaven.
-> A better answer...
Google Employee 1: Hey Tom, did you move my coffee cup?
Google Employee 2: Geeze Mike... I didn't expect a sort of Spanish Inquisition...
Darl McBride, David Boies, and Chris Sontag burst through the door
Grand Inquisitor McBride: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Speculation for Nerds. Stuff that could matter, maybe.
paintball
Go check out the picture of McBride on SCO's main page. How can you take a CEO seriously when he wears a suit jacket over a t-shirt?
Not required! If I were Google, I'd simply set my algorithm so that every search for SCO takes you to Goatse, every search for "Dickhead" takes you to SCO, and I'd put Darl McBride's personal email on every google page rendered so the spam spiders will have a field day....
I'm not normally an irrational zealous dickhead, but I figure "When in Rome..."
Roving Web-Teleoperated Robot
"I guess we are seeing how MS intends to compete with google . . ."
Yeah because Google is a much bigger threat to Microsoft than Apple.
"Derp de derp."
because if this comes to pass, there WILL be murders. This isn't some corporation vs. corporation fight. SCO is trying to take over something that people have invested lots of blood and sweat into and now they're trying to penalize the (possibly) most used search engine out there for not paying them any attention. They might as well go over to England and tell them that rugby sucks if they have that much of a death wish.
Why yes I am paranoid! Thanks for asking!
i dont want to see this anywhere near this.
the unholy combination of the two would surely rend our universe asunder.
turn up the jukebox and tell me a lie
But that's okay because a trained monkey could file better documents than what we've seen out of SCO.
Belief is the currency of delusion.
yes being Canadian is usually considered offbase
Better than Linux sites (Linux World, Slashdot) linking to each other with speculations that create self fulfilling prophecies.
Not if we can slashdot the hell out of those sites! SCO won't be able to find the scoop on melted heaps of webserver...
"*moderates +5 aluminium hat*"
That's Tin Foil you fool! Aluminium won't do any good against Alien Mind Control rays, Microsoft Mind Control Rays(tm), Government Mind Control Rays, or the like. You must use tin!
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
Maybe this will be a Slashdot first -- read the article then post!
typical noob's, always trying to disrupt the flow...
Snooze and you lose your sushi.
It's half SCO and half dog. It is its only friend. :P
Sources tell us Darl McBride has been named in a class-action lawsuit, agisnt himself, and the SCO Group. Evidently the PC industry has decided that the collective SCO suing ensemble have been over-exposing themsleves to the public as major dickheads. The suit is for an unspecified amount of damages for visual damages to the PC community from their obvious indecent exposure. (Film of the dickheads at 11pm)
Before I can go to google and type the words "Kiss my ass", click the "I'm feeling lucky" button and arrive at the Sco home page?
Found this creative little mug shot by Lee Brian. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words
"Maybe this will be a Slashdot first -- read the article then post!"
I can't read the article because you seem to have slashdotted it!
At least Slashdot and Linux World gave them the idea to do it now.
Oh, absolutely. There's no way that SCO's lawyers would have ever thought of doing that by themselves.
Just as all of the most insightful financial analysts come to Slashdot for their investment advice ("Short SCO now!"), so the most expensive lawyers come here to identify a strategy for their multi-million dollar cases.
And doesn't it give you a warm glow to think that all these expensive experts are out there, clinging to your every word, no matter how idiotic or banal?
Hey, perhaps if we tell SCO to stop the lawsuits, they'll do that as well
(OK, OK. I know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but *somebody* modded this insightful. That's a hell of a lot lower...)
scripsit bdrago:
Well, it would be a bit inappropriate for me to criticize anyone else's fashion sense (suffice it to say that I'm sitting here posting on /.).
That said, however, that picture really does make him look like a minor character on The Sopranos, doesn't it?
In principio creauit Linus Linucem.
What is that man, Darl McBride, doing to his anus???
This is a job for Crime Scene Investigation. Somebody send for Gil Grissom.
"If you study the ass-lips in the photograph closely, you can see that he's not just posing for holiday snaps. That's a surveillance camera aimed at that ruined sphincter. We had it installed around at Michael Jackson's place looking for kiddy stuff and then one day this guy shows up.
If you look carefully, you can see that the asshole is actually talking. I've recently completed an advanced course in ass-lip reading, to try and compensate for my congenital deafness, so I might be able to make this out for myself..."
"OK, here goes" (He turns on tape and starts speaking)
"This is Gil Grissom speaking, examining an image found on a SCO-owned website, concealed by an off-shore server and hosted at http:// goatse.cx. The image is reported as being a key clue into the conspiracy to extort several billion dollars from major US IT interests. According to my interpretation, this talking asshole is saying the following words. 'Linux contains our intellectual property. Pbrrrrphthhhssp. IBM owes us three billion dollars. Brrrrrrrrrrraasssp. Pass me the crack pipe, Boies, and then you can fist me once again. Brrirrrirrripppppth.'
Shaking her head in disbelief at this vile a conspiracy, suddenly Grissom's co-investigator, Sara Sidle spots something her chief had missed...
"It isn't just your hearing that's going, Grissom, it's your eyesight as well. Look closely. Right above the perinium. Can you see it? I believe that's the distinct mark of a nose-print. We'll have to wait until Greg gets the analysis back from Quantico to be absolutely certain, but I'd be happy to lay you twenty dollars that that pert little shit-streaked button belongs to Yankee Group 'anal-yst' Laura Dildo.
Grissom: "Well, it could be Didio, but on the other hand, it could be the nose of Rob 'Bell' Enderle. Have Greg break out the Mikrosil and take an impression of that ass-print so that we can match it up against a range of analysts noses. And tell him that while he's at it, bring out the Electronic Polymer Sensor Proboscis. I want him to run that against the noses of the various market analysts to make sure that the shit on the nose matches that of McBride's ass."
Sara Sidel: "And then bingo! We'll have nailed the bloodsucking bastards..."
Grissom: "Well, after looking at that gaping ringpiece, I'd say that he's been nailed once too often in the past. But you know what I always say about such matters..."
Sidel: "Yeah, the evidence speaks for itself..."
Napolean sued too many Linux using companies? I thought he was the guy who started some war in France or something...Oh well. My brain is officially off for Thanksgiving break anyways.
-Lizard Man
^I'm with stupid.^
Or better yet, while Darl's smoking his crack pipe and hallucinating, whisper into his ear that suing the Church of Scientology would be a an open-and-shut legal case.
"God invented SCO to give people a company to hate more than Microsoft"
I'd rather say : Microsoft invented SCO so people would not place MS as the topmost hated companies
From Netcraft:
Jeez,
Y'know, I really dislike Microsoft. I mean, _really_ dislike. But sometimes you have to admire how smart they are...
Linux is doing well - encroaching on Balmer's own 'my precious'. What's the Dark Lord done in the past? "Buy them and sink them!". AARGHH, can't do that here. Right, what do we do? Aha, the SCOrks - the perfect solution. Snivelling, pathetic, low life failures; set them up to do the dirty work. OK, that's going well - lots of FUD and chief ork McBride's taking all the flack. Back to the dark tower to continue the quest.
What's next? Ah yes, the next great phase in the plan for total domination - the Winternet. Hmm, nasty Google upstarts are doing better than our own little number. But they're a company - ha ha! Let's buy em. WHHAAT? How dare they reject the Dark Lord's advances. Right, deal with them, but how?
Ahh, the trusty SCOrks. Let them deal with the obstinate upstarts. Fits nicely into the battle plan we commanded them to follow anyway. And all the time, everyone says "the SCOrks are bad! Booo! Down with the SCOrcs! And none of the fools realises the SCOrks are simply my entirely expendable pawns. "Sometimes, my dark genius impresses even me!"
render farm of over 6000 Linux PC's
I didn't realize Google was doing 3-D graphics.
Don't label something "offtopic" unless you know the topic well enough to tell what's on topic.
SCO Chief Sues Hospital (C|Net)
SCO CEO Daryl McBride added Our Lady's Hospital of the Imaculate Inspection to the long list of littigants in SCO's ongoing littigation aggainst Linux users.
McBride was taken to the hospital after sustaining injuries while attempting to serve a writ on the penguin enclosure at the Bronx zoo.
While receiving emergency care Mr McBride noticed that the life support machine being used by the hospital was running the Linux operating system. "Its incredible", McBride exclaimed to a C}Net correspondent, "these people think they have the right to save lives using stolen software".
McBride was not available for further comment after falling into a coma. However his lawyers issued a statement confirming that an injunction had been obtained requiring the hospital to immediately cease use of the machines in question and that it would be served "as a matter of utmost urgency".
It is not known at this time how the elephant came to be in the penguin enclosure.
Looking for an Information Security student project suggestion?
Try http://dotcrimeManifesto.com/