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The Definitive Episode 3 Spoiler Synopsis
An anonymous reader submits "Want to know who gets killed in the first ten minutes of the movie? How come Yoda runs off to Dagobah? Who will Darth Vader kill? Will the Clonetroopers become Stormtroopers? Will Chewbacca or Grand Moff Tarkin have a role in Star Wars:Episode III, and if so what is it? AgonyEngine of the Phatooine Network dares to answers these questions with a definitive timeline synopsis and character analysis, carefully compiled from the many spoilers and spy reports from the insiders and interviews."
This movie will suck ass.
Do you even lift?
These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.
Also, the theatre is usually less crowded, and they're more likely to show foreign/independent movies.
This entire thread is a spoiler. If you really cared about spoilers, you wouldn't even have posted to this thread.
Really, the hysteria about spoilers is childish. Only when geeks entered culture - people who are so unsophisticated about narrative and cinema that they really think the "surprise!" is the main reward - did spoiler-mania really take off. A movie is *not about the ending.* I know how Hamlet ends. I know how Lord of the Rings ends. I know how War and Peace ends. But I will still see a good movie about *all* these stories. I don't know how "Van Wilder, Party Liason" ends, and I'm not going to find out.
And, are these leaks actually a marketing ploy of Lucas?
Here's where I'm coming from. There's this story of a restaurantour (sp?) who wanted to drum up business for his band new restaurant. So, for the first month of business, he would tell people who called for reservations that he was booked for a month - even though he had no business at all! This generated a buzz, and increased the popularity of his restaurant many times over even though he wasn't even in business yet! And when he finally opened up, he had more business then he could handle!
Don't forget folks, Lucas is a brilliant marketeer!
There is no spoon or sig.
Movie trailers practically tell the whole readers'-digest version of the story. The worst offender recently was Matrix: Revolutions, where I didn't see a single thing that wasn't alluded to in the trailer. Especially bad was the scene where Neo meets with the machine god, and the only word he says which isn't in the trailer is "peace"!
Free your ecomony and enact the FairTax
how after episode 1 came out, people said that episode 2 has to be much darker in order for the prequels to have continuity with the originals? And remember how light and fluffy it was? George Lucas isn't necessarily going to wrap up all plot points for a cohesive story. Sure, stuff has to happen, but that doesn't mean it will happen on-screen.
Dude, when our grandkids watch Star Wars, they should be able to watch the episodes in order, I, II, III, IV, V, VI, and still get the shock of Ep V: ESB. If Darth Vader is revealed as Anakin in Ep III, future generations will have to watch them in the order of: Episode: IV, V, VI, I, II, III. Isn't that right?
I'm not going to check the website since I don't want anything to be spoiled.
Lots of people have joked about spoilers in this thread and a few people have brought it up seriously. I just wonder why anyone actually cares about spoilers in episode three of a six-part series when you've already seen episodes 1, 2 and 4-6. I mean sure, some of the specifics are unknown previous to this, but we all know Anakin becomes Vader, we all know Obi-Wan and Yoda run off and hide, we all know Luke and Leia get split up at birth and their mother dies (or we think she dies), etc. So what if we find out now that Count Dooku gets decapitated? Who really cares? This movie is not about that, and you already know everything you need to know about the main plot.
I actually found the plot/timeline synopsis pretty interesting to read - probably more interesting than the movie itself will be, if only to see the sequence of events and the filled-in gaps, even if I already knew pretty much all of the major plot points.
Personally my highspeed skim of that suggested to me that it has the potential to rock.
/. announces the 9 disc DVD boxset with 3 discs of extra features, and go and buy the thing anyway.
However since we are naturally in one of the most cynical places in the multiverse here, evrybody is professing to think it'll suck.
Anybody want to take bets on everybody who thinks it'll suck going to see it anyway? Of course they'll all go, and come out saying it sucked. Then reiterate the 'it sucks' comments, when
Lucas has every one of us by the nose, we can bitch all we like.. But we'll still watch it. We even complain that the other three films sucked, and we still love them.
Catch-22: You won't see the film because it sucks, but you can't be certain it sucks till you see the film...
(Yes, a crappy Catch-22, I know, I know..)
fortune -o
Lucas seems to havea real problem managing his villians. He establishes a powerful villiain in Ep1, capable of killing senior Jedi, only to finish the film by cutting him in half. So in Ep2 we have to get introduced to Dooku, who happily kicks Annakin and Obi Wan around, only to be summarily killed at the very beginning of Ep3, so we get a new all powerful villain General Grevious (where the hell does he get these names, just looking through the dictionary?!) who has apparently killed many jedi. So um, exactly how good are these Jedi. There are apparently not that many of them, but there seems to be a large supply of villains who can kick them around.
Lucas really needed to do better than "no, I don't like him anymore, lets' make another villain" approach to things.
Jedidiah
Craft Beer Programming T-shirts
Get over it!!! I for one am tired of people whining about "how bad Phantom Menace sucked" and "George Lucas is a talentless hack". Is the magic that the original trilogy instilled in you gone in the prequels?? Guess what nerd boy? You're not seven anymore!! Star Wars magic is much easier to digest when you're flying through your living room in your Boba Fett underoos.
Was TPM perfect? No, far from it. The dialog was campy and the acting was occasionaly wooden. But AFAIC, the story was rock solid! It set the stage perfectly for what was to come: The galaxy in decline, and Palpatine subtly moving into position to declare himself emporer. The sith reappear for the first time in 1000 years, and we see the boy-who-would-be-Vader as innocent and vulnerable. For this, I can forgive the few jar-jar-isms that get on my nervs.
Episode 2: George gives you what you want, and *still* you bitch!!!! For 20 frickin years, fanboys have wanted to see Boba Fett's arsenal in action, and we finally got it! The darts, the rocket pack, the flamethrower, Slave I; it's all there! We see stormtroopers that can actually hit something. We are exposed to a very film noir Coruscant. Yoda opening a green can of whoopass. You want to whine about Hayden's acting as Anakin? Watch the scene again where he returns carrying the body of his mother, and his following confession to Padme'. Brilliant!! We get to see the Empire born before our eyes with JW's Imperial March resonating in the background. Ohh, but there were a few awkward love scenes that distracted me for 5 minutes THIS MOVIE SUCKS!!!
You want to talk about crappy dialog??? How about:
There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser!!
You want crappy characters that do nothing to the story but sell toys??
one word....Ewoks
You want to whine about GL? If it wasn't for him stepping up to the plate in the early seventies, SCI-FI in film would be DEAD! His work paved the way for Alien, the Star Trek film franchises (and spin offs), and countless other films of the eighties and nineties. You think I'm wrong? Name the last successful "fantasy" film franchise prior to Peter Jackson.....
In closing, both the magic and the weaknesses of the Original Trilogy are present in the Prequels. If you want to be a bitter-thirty-something whose Boba Fett underoos don't fit anymore, fine! You're entitled to your opinions. But there are millions of us fanboys out there who are damn sick & tired of you constantly pissing on our popsicle!
Xenon, where's my money? -Borno
I mean, anyone who cared to, knew the entire story of Lord of the Rings years before they even started making the films. Does it screw up the movie knowing that Boromir dies, Aragorn triumphs and Frodo Nine-fingers is successful?
Everyone knows that Romeo and Juliet die, Peter Pan escapes, and Oz is a sham -- yet adaptations of these stories never cease, and they're some of the most rewatched/retold stories around.
Any movie that revolves around a single surprise for cinematic weight isn't that good to begin with.
Sure, surprises have their place and they can be really great. but no good film is -ruined- by a spoiled surprise. part of why people like the surprises they do, is because they give you something you enjoyed getting. people -loved- that vader was luke's father. but knowing that before the end of Empire Strikes Back doesn't remove the fact that it's a good addition to the story.
hell, twists that aren't good are made fun of worse than if the plot item they reveal was understood from the beginning.
The Neverending Story was pretty much shown to have been a cliche dream-sequence from the beginning, and it doesn't get half as much crap as other stories with a 'but it was all just a dream' 'twist' at the end. because the others try to -surprise- you with a bad cliche.
so spoiling the surprise doesn't truly ruin anything, unless the surprise is good anyway -- which means the story is still good.
which is why you didn't care if Trinity's death was spoiled, but would have if Bruce Willis' was.
// "Can't clowns and pirates just -try- to get along?"
Somehow, I doubt that Natalie Portman with hot grits and naked is what we're likely to see...more than likely, it's pushing to envelope for gruesomeness and excessive fight scenes. In order to convince us that Anakin is essentially killed and "resurrected" as Vader, Lucas is going to burn him to death and make it damn vile.
--trb