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The Definitive Episode 3 Spoiler Synopsis
An anonymous reader submits "Want to know who gets killed in the first ten minutes of the movie? How come Yoda runs off to Dagobah? Who will Darth Vader kill? Will the Clonetroopers become Stormtroopers? Will Chewbacca or Grand Moff Tarkin have a role in Star Wars:Episode III, and if so what is it? AgonyEngine of the Phatooine Network dares to answers these questions with a definitive timeline synopsis and character analysis, carefully compiled from the many spoilers and spy reports from the insiders and interviews."
What the hell?! Lucas shocks us again! This is bigger than Vader begin Luke's father, or Leia being Luke's sister.
00:00:03 Server /.'ed.
Thanks for ruining the movie...didn't even say the link contained spoilers.
Apparantly it is still over a year away, I bet a lot of these leaked rumours etc. will turn out to be quite wrong by the time the actual film comes around. Maybe a bit of Hollywood spin to get people talking?
is clouding my connection to the server. I heard a million requests and all went silent.
On Usenet... in a phish group of all places. Still, matches up with the details of this linked story, and I think explains things better.
Look out the for a walk-on from Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. It's so awesome, Triumph walks up to Darth and asks him which button to press on his breather to call his parents to come pick him up! I'm pooping with anticipation!
movies I know I'm going to like.
So I read the spoiler for Matrix: Revolution, and now I have absolutely no desire to see it. This technique also works for execrable movie adaptations like Timeline.
This saves me:
* a metric buttload of money;
* from disappointment;
* more time for my kids.
Laugh at my Lisp and I keeell you.
Ancient protocols and hokey subnets are no match for a good T3 by your server, kid.
Want to know who gets killed in the first ten minutes of the movie?
That would be httpd, Bob.
Comparing it to Windows will be a moot point, since El Dorado is going to have a 40% larger code base than XP.
This stuff has been readily available for a while -- also condensed at theforce.net.
Being a former spoiler hound for episodes 1 & 2, I found that they sounded much better on paper than they were on screen. This one doesn't really even sound appealing on paper, beyond The Duel, which either means it's going to rock, finally (unlikely) or that it will be so mindblowingly bad that The Phantom Menace will look like Citizen Kane in comparison.
I am not Herbert.
All that research! If we could only focus that amount of mental power on piecing together other important issues, like where Saddam Hussein is, or what exactly Michael Jackson was doing with those kids...
stuff |
Today's Slashdotting has saved my weak-willed self from spoiling the movie. Hopefully the urge to click through has passed by the time the site is responding...
The Essential Episode 3 Character Summary Analysis:
***This Character summary and analysis is the companion guide to the Definitive Episode 3 Plot and Timeline Synopsis. It will also be subject to change as we obtain new information about Episode 3. This character summary will provide additional information that the 'timeline' will not. Together, both projects should provide a signifigant insight into Star Wars Episode 3. Sources include: HS Set Notes, Web Cam, Web Chats, SW Insider, Homing Beacon, and other various rumors/sources from around the net.***
Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader: In episode 3 Anakin will indeed be a Jedi Knight, and he will sport two very different looks. One rugged look, and one very rugged, scarred look. Rick McCallum confirms that Anakin loses more body parts. Anakin's light saber style is vulnerable on a slope. Anakin's turn to the dark side is TWO HRS LONG! Obi/Ani fight will not be about effects, but---betrayal! Anakin's downfall will make fans saddened, shocked, angry and betrayed! Anakin kills Dooku, and really early in the film as previously reported. And the former Jedi isn't officially named "Darth Vader" until after the lava bath. But don't take this to mean he doesn't do some very, very dark things before the duel takes place. A scene was filmed which echoes the Palpatine/Anakin discussion in Episode II. It also takes place in Palpatine's office, but the "assignment" being talked about in this situation is vastly different than that of the AOTC Palpatine/Anakin discussion. This assignment will likely be that of Palpatine's body guard... We will see why Darth Vader is named Darth Vader... All of Vader's injuries will be explained except one... We will see LORD VADER....choking could happen. Vader will be the most deadly character in the movie... There is currently no plan for Vader to be CG! It's true that Anakin will lose more of himself as the movie progresses and become more machine than man. One way in which this happens is that he'll lose his right leg after the 'duel'. Anakin knows Padme is pregnant... Anakin will attempt to rescue Obi again. JEJ won't record his dialogue for another year, if at all; he had been rumored to be recording 5 mins of dialogue for the final mins of the movie...
- Dialogue - Vader/Anakin: 3 words from Vader: "I don't fear... "
- Anakin meets Lava: (3 tests - one version will likely be used for the movie)
- Anakin Test #1: Anakin is burned black almost completely head to toe, except for his face. He is charcoal black and it honestly is sickening. The only burn marks on his face creep up along his right side of the face and the top and bottom of his eye. His ear is almost completely gone and around his lips there are several severe burns as well. This is really a sight to behold.
- Anakin Test #2: This test involved Hayden getting made to look very close to the unmasked Vader from Return of the Jedi. His skin is very dark tan in color and he has that huge gash in the right side of the top his head and other marks you may recognize. There are many small burns and scrapes on his face, with the most substantial burns appearing on both cheeks and then burned to a black crisp the rest of the way down.
- Anakin Test #3: In this final version, Hayden was made up to be burned, but not NEARLY as severe. He has massive bags under his eyes and his hair is almost completely singed off - but not quite, some stubble still remains. The left side of his face is in terrible condition, extending down his neck then to an entirely burned body as well. The others look more over the top, where this one looks more like just terrible 2nd degree burns.
Obi-Wan Kenobi/Ben: Obi-Wan's actions are important to the events that end the Clone Wars; he will become General Kenobi, THE great hero of the Clone wars! Obi-Wan will fight droids under water in Episode Obi-Wan will get the living crud beaten out of him in Eppy 3! Obi-Wan will become a fugitive and change his name to Ben... The reason
jer
We may be human, but we're still animals
- Steve Vai
You'd think a Jedi could handle a little slashdotting.
He should have joined the Dark Side.
If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem
The Definitive Episode 3 Plot Timeline Synopsis:
... Rumored paraphrase of the opening crawl: Supreme Chancellor Palpatine has been captured by the Separatists. Two Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker have found out where Palpatine is being held and lead a Squad of Clonetroopers to rescue the Chancellor...
***This is an effort to put all existing news and current rumor together in such a way that we (the fans) can visualize what Star Wars Episode 3 will be like over a year before hand, in a more entertaining manner than simple lists of unorganized facts; sources include: Star Wars Hyperspace, Set Notes, Insider, Homing Beacon, SW web chats, and current rumors that fit well with the facts from TFN, T'Bone, Eppy X, and JediNet***
Star Wars Episode 3 - Revenge of the Sith (rumored title)
Rated PG - Rumored to push the PG envelope
Film time - Approximately 2hrs
Film Style - Sci-Fi adventure; reported to have more action & adventure than the 1st two prequels
Plot timeline and synopsis (keep in mind that the order and detail of scenes will be subject to change as new information becomes available; this is a living and breathing document):
- Opening Scroll: Episode III takes place 3 years after AOTC and is very important because the film opens up in the middle of things (like ANH).
- Giant space battle: Supposedly the clone wars end at the beginning of the film and a huge space battle is taking place above the planet of Coruscant. It looks that the battle will be focused around a 'kidnapped' Palpatine. Windu will be in some sort of space action... Anakin will be impressive in the opening battle as he shows us all why he's known as the best star pilot in the galaxy. R2 will be part of a space battle between proto-type Ties and X-Wings. R2 will be flying in the back of a small fighter (new Jedi Starfighter) in Eppy 3 (likely with Anakin). The opening battle is strictly a SPACE battle, but land battles will occur later on in the film! We will see gigantic fleets of starships. Choreography of E3 space battle will supercede the ROTJ space battle.
- Giant space battle - Jedi Starfighters: Anakin, Obi-Wan, Plo-Koon and other Jedi will fly Starfighters. These scenes include a Jedi being destroyed by enemy fire from behind, high-energy scenes of Anakin and Obi-Wan piloting a rotating Starfighter cockpit. Anakin will be wearing a similar headband seen used by Obi-Wan in the Jedi Starfighter in AOTC...
- Giant space battle - Trade Federation Cruiser Bridge: The shooting is on the fully-constructed Trade Federation Cruiser Bridge set which is one of the largest built for Eppy 3. The Neimoidian characters in the scene will show them working the controls of the ship and looking up with alarm at a new development. Sounds like someone is about to go kablooey!
- Giant space battle - Anakin Rescues Obi-Wan, Kills Dooku, and saves Palpatine: Dooku is supposed to die within the first 10 minutes of the movie... Christopher Lee shot a pivotal confrontation scene as Count Dooku which will have action and powerful dialogue. It's rumored he will be beheaded by Anakin due to a conversation between Nick Gillard's and Christopher Lee. While Lee was chatting with Gillard, he jokingly talked about decapitation. It's also rumored that Dooku will lose some limbs and Anakin will hack him up with two sabers...
- Rumored action: Obi-Wan and Anakin are flying new Jedi Starfighters that have a strange similarity to TIE fighters in the original trilogy. It's a very exciting scene with lots of action. Obi-Wan and Anakin try to get a lock on Shaak Ti's tracking device (she was captured along with Palpatine) and find that she and Palpatine are in the most heavily guarded ship. Obi-Wan and Anakin call for backup from the Clone troopers just as 20 or so droid fighters leave the ship and attack.
- The droid fighters look like smaller Imperial shuttles. The battle continues and one of the droid shuttles deploys a bunch of sphere shaped droids
Seeing his recent track record, I'm sure George Lucas took care of that already.
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
That sound you hear is ten of thousands of 35-year-old men padding off to "be alone" for a bit.
Comparing it to Windows will be a moot point, since El Dorado is going to have a 40% larger code base than XP.
Mirrored the spolier synopsis here
This entire thread is a spoiler. If you really cared about spoilers, you wouldn't even have posted to this thread.
Really, the hysteria about spoilers is childish. Only when geeks entered culture - people who are so unsophisticated about narrative and cinema that they really think the "surprise!" is the main reward - did spoiler-mania really take off. A movie is *not about the ending.* I know how Hamlet ends. I know how Lord of the Rings ends. I know how War and Peace ends. But I will still see a good movie about *all* these stories. I don't know how "Van Wilder, Party Liason" ends, and I'm not going to find out.
from the is-anakin-her-first dept.
Best... Slashdot... Dept... EVER!
I'm a fan, but not a fanboy, so I haven't kept up with Star Wars 'canon'. But for some reason, I've always remembered hearing that Darth Vader would become the Man in the Iron Lung in a battle with Obi-Wan in some sort of volcano-like setting.
Was that alluded to in one of the SW novels, did Lucas say it back in the '80s, or am I psychic (as opposed to psychotic)?
(BTW, easy decision whether to read the spoiler synopsis. I know the story outline will be far superior to the movie itself, so there's nothing lost.)
Stressed? Me? Of course not. Stress is what a rubber band feels before it breaks, silly.
Please God, let it be Jar Jar. Three hours of "Faces of Death"-like gore footage of Jar Jar getting digested by that big sand worm would get *MY* ten bucks.
I'm not normally an irrational zealous dickhead, but I figure "When in Rome..."
And, are these leaks actually a marketing ploy of Lucas?
Here's where I'm coming from. There's this story of a restaurantour (sp?) who wanted to drum up business for his band new restaurant. So, for the first month of business, he would tell people who called for reservations that he was booked for a month - even though he had no business at all! This generated a buzz, and increased the popularity of his restaurant many times over even though he wasn't even in business yet! And when he finally opened up, he had more business then he could handle!
Don't forget folks, Lucas is a brilliant marketeer!
There is no spoon or sig.
Actually, there was a really excellent theater skit called Star Wars in 30 minutes. (www.swin30.com) A friend of mine was involved in the group.
Of course, Star Wars was one of the few movies that didn't try to do too much, so it had a more concise structure. Lucas has this annoying need to visit a dozen planets each movie. The desperate need to touch on a zillion small events makes it hard to create any good theatrical moods other than frantic.
This spoiler shows the same problem emerging. It really sounds like two or three movies' worth of material. Maybe it will have to get split into two parts like Kill Bill
Murray Todd Williams
how after episode 1 came out, people said that episode 2 has to be much darker in order for the prequels to have continuity with the originals? And remember how light and fluffy it was? George Lucas isn't necessarily going to wrap up all plot points for a cohesive story. Sure, stuff has to happen, but that doesn't mean it will happen on-screen.
LUKE: What's going on?
HAN: Our link is correct, except...no, Website!
LUKE: What do you mean? Where is it?
HAN: Thats what I'm trying to tell you, kid. It ain't there. It's been
totally blown away.
LUKE: What? How?
Everything in EP3 ends up the way things are when EP4 begins.
Slashdot: Failed Car Analogies. Amateur Lawyering. Anecdote Battles.
Today's Slashdotting has saved my weak-willed self from spoiling the movie. Hopefully the urge to click through has passed by the time the site is responding...
If the last two movies were any indication of how the next one will play, then the spoilers will be far more entertaining.
That script needs to be criticized, however. We should not see Darth Vader in Ep III at all. That would preserve suspense on who Darth Vader is until the end of ESB.
BTW, I still like the plot idea talked about on Usenet a while back. That would be more of an emotional scene between Anakin and Padme.
He gets the girl. (And graduates too!)
...Episode IV was titled "A New Hope".
"Finally! A Star Wars movie that doesn't suck!"
--R.J.
Electric-Escape.net
They used walkie talkies to communicate.
don't you mean wookie talkies?
Sounds like something David Brin said. I've been a fan of that theory for years, but I doubt it's going to happen.
The one thing I could say about the Star Wars movies is that almost no one is who he or she seems to be at first. This doesn't seem to apply to the newer movies as much as the original trilogy, but I'd always assumed that one of the big plot twists in Episode 3 will be something of this nature (e.g., Yoda is evil, Obi-Wan becomes Darth Vader, Jar-Jar becomes the Emperor, etc).
Oh well, we still gotta wait another year and a half.
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
I'm not going to check the website since I don't want anything to be spoiled.
Lots of people have joked about spoilers in this thread and a few people have brought it up seriously. I just wonder why anyone actually cares about spoilers in episode three of a six-part series when you've already seen episodes 1, 2 and 4-6. I mean sure, some of the specifics are unknown previous to this, but we all know Anakin becomes Vader, we all know Obi-Wan and Yoda run off and hide, we all know Luke and Leia get split up at birth and their mother dies (or we think she dies), etc. So what if we find out now that Count Dooku gets decapitated? Who really cares? This movie is not about that, and you already know everything you need to know about the main plot.
I actually found the plot/timeline synopsis pretty interesting to read - probably more interesting than the movie itself will be, if only to see the sequence of events and the filled-in gaps, even if I already knew pretty much all of the major plot points.
A shirtless Anakin, a pregnant Padme, and a curious C-3PO have a scene together.
Sounds like a synopsis of some of the worse fanfic out there. There's "pushing PG" and there's just plain wrong.
Lucas seems to havea real problem managing his villians. He establishes a powerful villiain in Ep1, capable of killing senior Jedi, only to finish the film by cutting him in half. So in Ep2 we have to get introduced to Dooku, who happily kicks Annakin and Obi Wan around, only to be summarily killed at the very beginning of Ep3, so we get a new all powerful villain General Grevious (where the hell does he get these names, just looking through the dictionary?!) who has apparently killed many jedi. So um, exactly how good are these Jedi. There are apparently not that many of them, but there seems to be a large supply of villains who can kick them around.
Lucas really needed to do better than "no, I don't like him anymore, lets' make another villain" approach to things.
Jedidiah
Craft Beer Programming T-shirts
What the hell?! Lucas shocks us again! This is bigger than Vader begin Luke's father, or Leia being Luke's sister.
Vader is Luke's father?!?!!
Leia is Luke's sister!?!?
Man, talk about a bad day for me to wake up from a 26 year coma and immediately log onto Slashdot...
--
Was it the sheep climbing onto the altar, or the cattle lowing to be slain,
or the Son of God hanging dead and bloodied on a cross that told me this was a world condemned, but loved and bought with blood.
> A shirtless Anakin, a pregnant Padme, and a
> curious C-3PO have a scene together
Dude, that's just sick!!!
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." -- Ambrose Bierce
Queen AgonyEngine: I was not elected to watch my website suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a committee! If this body is not capable of action, I suggest new leadership is needed. I move for a vote of "no confidence" in CowboyNeal's leadership.
CowboyNeal : What?...No!
REM Old programmers don't die. They just GOSUB without RETURN.
Get over it!!! I for one am tired of people whining about "how bad Phantom Menace sucked" and "George Lucas is a talentless hack". Is the magic that the original trilogy instilled in you gone in the prequels?? Guess what nerd boy? You're not seven anymore!! Star Wars magic is much easier to digest when you're flying through your living room in your Boba Fett underoos.
Was TPM perfect? No, far from it. The dialog was campy and the acting was occasionaly wooden. But AFAIC, the story was rock solid! It set the stage perfectly for what was to come: The galaxy in decline, and Palpatine subtly moving into position to declare himself emporer. The sith reappear for the first time in 1000 years, and we see the boy-who-would-be-Vader as innocent and vulnerable. For this, I can forgive the few jar-jar-isms that get on my nervs.
Episode 2: George gives you what you want, and *still* you bitch!!!! For 20 frickin years, fanboys have wanted to see Boba Fett's arsenal in action, and we finally got it! The darts, the rocket pack, the flamethrower, Slave I; it's all there! We see stormtroopers that can actually hit something. We are exposed to a very film noir Coruscant. Yoda opening a green can of whoopass. You want to whine about Hayden's acting as Anakin? Watch the scene again where he returns carrying the body of his mother, and his following confession to Padme'. Brilliant!! We get to see the Empire born before our eyes with JW's Imperial March resonating in the background. Ohh, but there were a few awkward love scenes that distracted me for 5 minutes THIS MOVIE SUCKS!!!
You want to talk about crappy dialog??? How about:
There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser!!
You want crappy characters that do nothing to the story but sell toys??
one word....Ewoks
You want to whine about GL? If it wasn't for him stepping up to the plate in the early seventies, SCI-FI in film would be DEAD! His work paved the way for Alien, the Star Trek film franchises (and spin offs), and countless other films of the eighties and nineties. You think I'm wrong? Name the last successful "fantasy" film franchise prior to Peter Jackson.....
In closing, both the magic and the weaknesses of the Original Trilogy are present in the Prequels. If you want to be a bitter-thirty-something whose Boba Fett underoos don't fit anymore, fine! You're entitled to your opinions. But there are millions of us fanboys out there who are damn sick & tired of you constantly pissing on our popsicle!
Xenon, where's my money? -Borno
I mean, anyone who cared to, knew the entire story of Lord of the Rings years before they even started making the films. Does it screw up the movie knowing that Boromir dies, Aragorn triumphs and Frodo Nine-fingers is successful?
Everyone knows that Romeo and Juliet die, Peter Pan escapes, and Oz is a sham -- yet adaptations of these stories never cease, and they're some of the most rewatched/retold stories around.
Any movie that revolves around a single surprise for cinematic weight isn't that good to begin with.
Sure, surprises have their place and they can be really great. but no good film is -ruined- by a spoiled surprise. part of why people like the surprises they do, is because they give you something you enjoyed getting. people -loved- that vader was luke's father. but knowing that before the end of Empire Strikes Back doesn't remove the fact that it's a good addition to the story.
hell, twists that aren't good are made fun of worse than if the plot item they reveal was understood from the beginning.
The Neverending Story was pretty much shown to have been a cliche dream-sequence from the beginning, and it doesn't get half as much crap as other stories with a 'but it was all just a dream' 'twist' at the end. because the others try to -surprise- you with a bad cliche.
so spoiling the surprise doesn't truly ruin anything, unless the surprise is good anyway -- which means the story is still good.
which is why you didn't care if Trinity's death was spoiled, but would have if Bruce Willis' was.
// "Can't clowns and pirates just -try- to get along?"
Not his wife ... his lover. Marion Davies.
See "The Cat's Meow" for a good explanation of the whole Hearst thing. The actor, Edward Herrmann, is a dead on double for Hearst. Kirsten Dunst is also a VERY good likeness of Davies.
Another film, RKO 281, explores the making of "Citizen Kane". It looks into detail about how Hearst tried to crush the film. This film really brings Orson Welles to life in great depth.
-------- -------- Support Wesley Clark for president!!!
. . . does the PLOT matter in a Star Wars movie? Actors recite cheesy dialogue, things blow up, everyone's happy. The only plot point in a SW movie was the hole "you're my dad?" thing in SW:ESB.
"We shall party like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean." - HedonismBot
Therefore, we must acquit!
Lama Su, Prime Minister of Kamino, tells us that Master Sifo-Dyas, a leading member of the Jedi Council, ordered the creation of the clone army almost ten years ago. Obi-Wan believes Sifo-Dyas was killed ("was killed," not "died") before that.
I see two theories. In the first theory, Master Sifo-Dyas becomes corrupt, erases Kamino from the Archives, orders the clone army's creation, fakes his death, and re-emerges as Senator Palpatine of Naboo. In the second theory, Darth Sideous kills Sifo-Dyas and orders the clones in his name.
I prefer the first theory. Because of their training, fallen Jedi, like Anakin, Count Dooku, and possibly Sifo-Dyas, make good Sith Lords. Yoda says that only a Jedi could have erased Kamino from the archives, and the first theory explains this nicely. The second theory doesn't, but it has the advantage of explaining Sifo-Dyas's death more easily.
In any case, I think Sideous ordered the creation of the army. We know that Darth Tyranus, also known as Count Dooku, is Sideous's apprentice. Jango Fett says he was recruited by Darth Tyranus, while Lama Su says he was chosen by Sifo-Dyas. This is easily explained by assuming it was Sideous's idea.
Yoda wasn't involved in any of this, and is not evil.
Litigious bastards