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The Cost of 12 Days of Christmas
CtrlPhreak writes "PNC bank once again has come out with the Christmas price index, the cost of the 12 days of christmas. The result, swans cost 66.7 percent up from last year. The total cost rose 18.8 percent from the last year to a grand total of... $65,264.28, the largest percentage increase since 1987."
So what would the seven 'lords a leaping' be?
Lords of the dance?
Renting lords from the British house of Lords to leap around?
now, is it that the demand for swans has gone up, or that the supply has gone down?
xao
xao
http://TheHillforum.hopto.org
Theeing as how I'm out of a job and in dethperate need of the money, the prithe for my two front teeth hath never been better.
If that'th thtill all you want for Christmath, let me know.
--------
Bleah! Heh heh heh... BLEAH BLEAH!!! Ha ha ha ha...
No cost increase for me.
--Scrooge
To know that you know what you know, and that you do not know what you do not know, that is true wisdom. --Scooby Doo
One Partridge in a Pear Tree
Is this just a normal tree? Or do I get one of those fancy foreign Pear Trees?
Two Turtle Doves
Are these both male, both female, or a mix? I mean I dont want 50 of these things next Christmas
Three French Hens
You want me to PAY for these!?
Four Calling Birds
What types of birds are we talking here? Some piegons or doves or what?
Five Gold Rings
How many carats? Are they Rings of Power?
Six Geese-a-Laying
How many eggs a day is this?
Seven Swans-a-Swimming
Does the kiddie pool for them to swim in come with it? Or is that an optional extra?
Eight Maids-a-Milking
Now I'm assuming the cows come with it, again is the cost of manure removal included? How about feed?
Nine Ladies Dancing
Are these like Twi'lek dancers? Or the girls of Jenni Craig?
10 Lords-a-Leaping
Wait . . I though Queer Eye only had 5 guys on it?
11 Pipers Piping
So, if I buy these can I like shoot them as soon as they piss me off?
12 Drummers Drumming
Same goes for these guys too.
Your hair look like poop, Bob! - Wanker.
Unfortunately this study does not take into effect the TCO (Total Cost of Ownership) of the 12 Days of Christmas items. This makes it infeasible for an actual guide in gift giving.
For example, the geese and other birds must be fed. The dancing ladies must be paid at least the minimum wage for your state, or under some circumstances tips. And the Five Golden Rings were wrought by the hand of the Dark Lord Sauron, meaning they extract a price too heavy to be described in monetary terms, as they scorch your very soul, slowly dragging you bodily into a spiritual nether-world where you live as a wraith, neither dead nor alive, eternally locked in a heck-like existence where you live only to serve your dark master.
Happy holidays!
Irritable, left-wing and possibly humorous bumper stickers and t-shirts
The WMD were a sham. The War in Iraq was, in fact, simply about the 12 Days of Christmas.
NO BLOOD FOR PARTRIDGES IN PEAR TREES!
Nine Ladies Dancing: 4,230.89
;)
I can just imagine how they found out that price.
Mngmt: umm..$4230 bill from a place called the "Beef Barn?"
Researcher: I swear boss, it was research!
seriously though, $470 just to get a girl to dance? I know some top notch places that'll get you a beer AND a dance for $15
That Internet pricing seems high. I wonder if they shopped around. Maybe they shoulda checked Ebay or Half.com.
OTOH, I guess it is kinda hard to ship lords a' leaping, etc., FedEx. Can they fly coach, or maybe a discount airline?
Eight maids-a-milking... $41.20
Eight minutes of a maid milking you... priceless!
The first is for vendors of: Partridges, Pear Trees, Turtle Doves, French Hens, Geese-a-Laying, Swans, Maids-a-Milking, Ladies Dancing, or Lords-a-Leaping
1) buy the above items from your "Traditional" store
2) sell them on the "Internet"
3) PROFIT!!!
The second is for vendors of: Calling Birds, Gold Rings, Pipers Piping, or Drummers Drumming.
1) buy Gold rings on the "Internet". Download anti-RIAA sound clips of birds, pipes, and drummers, and burn to a CD.
2) sell them in a "Traditional" store
3) PROFIT!!
Another business model comes to mind:
1) Get job at bank
2) Convince boss to use silly Christmas-themed ploy to get company in the newsmedia...
3) PROFIT!!
Yeah, I really want to give my business to these wackjobs. But I suppose employing accountants to figure this data out helps the economy in some small way...
Those Maids-a-Milking didn't even get a cost of living raise. Things must be tough in the Dairy industry.
Smeghead every day of the week.
Most of this could be outsourced to India.
Run and catch, run and catch, the lamb is caught in the blackberry patch.
To rule them all!!!.. err...
in girum imus nocte et consumimur igni
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a Partridge in a Pear Tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and devotion,
Agnes
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine - Two Turtle Doves! I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
Dearest John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity - Three French Hens! They are just delightful, but I must insist, you've been too kind.
Love,
Agnes
Dearest John:
Today the postman delivered Four Calling Birds. Now really, you're being too romantic. They are beautiful, but don't you think that enough is enough?
Affectionately,
Agnes
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered Five Golden Rings - one for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
Love,
Agnes
Dear John:
When I opened the door, there were actually Six Geese-A-Laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.
Cordially,
Agnes
John:
What's with you and those fucking birds? Seven Swans-A-Swimming! What kind of a goddamn joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck - it's not funny. So stop with those fucking birds!
Sincerely,
Agnes
OK Buster!
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 Maids a Milking? It's not enough with all these birds and maids a milking, but they had to bring their goddamn cows! There's shit all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house.
Just lay off me, smartass!
Agnes
Hey Shithead:
What are you, some kind of sadist? Now there are nine Pipers Piping! And Christ do they play! They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they got here. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me!
You'll get yours!
Agnes
You Rotten Prick!
Now there's Ten Ladies Dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. The cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.
I'm siccing the police on you.
One who means it!!
Agnes
Listen Fuckhead:
What's with the Eleven Lords a Leaping on those Maids and Ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows! All 23 birds are dead, they've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you vicious, rotten swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Agnes
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge receipt of your latest gift of the Twelve Drummers Drumming, which you have seen fit to inflict upon our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All future cor-respondence should be sent to our attention. If you should attempt to contact Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot on sight! With this letter you will find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially,
Badger, Bender & Cajole
I made a PHP/MySQL library that prevents SQL injection & makes coding easier!
How much is the 12 Days of Christmas "Used"?
We really need to be careful here, because if the cost goes up a mere $271.28 next year, it will reach $65536, and all of the Christmas Index computers which are still using unsigned short integers will crash.
$65,264.28 at current exchange rates is worth about a tenner and a pack of 20 B&H
And the Five Golden Rings were wrought by the hand of the Dark Lord Sauron, meaning they extract a price too heavy to be described in monetary terms, as they scorch your very soul, slowly dragging you bodily into a spiritual nether-world where you live as a wraith, neither dead nor alive, eternally locked in a heck-like existence where you live only to serve your dark master.
Is it just me, or do the "Five Golden Rings" sound a heck of a lot like an RIAA contract for music artists?
The 'gold' rings could be put in special presentation cases and sold on E-Bay as the official Lord of the Rings One True Ring (five available).
The Two Turtle Doves could be fitted with Bandanas and sold as Ninja Turtle Doves to kids.
The French Hens could be resold as 'Freedom Hens', packaged with the slogan 'Laying Eggs for our boys in the Gulf.'
The Swans could be rented out to high class celebrity weddings - the Swans no doubt lasting longer than the marriage.
The geese could be fed the leftovers and used to produce a delicious foie-de-gras pate, far preferable to the leftover turkey traditionally eaten from December 25th to November.
I'm sure there are more opportunities for reuse - anyone else got any ideas?
Besides, you american's always spend too much on these sort of things. Check out the Canadian 12 days-o-Christmas. I promise you it will cost FAR less, and if you pay in American $, you'll have spent basicly pocket change!
E.
Never rub another man's rhubarb - The Joker