The Cheese Slicing Laser

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Posted by CmdrTaco on Tuesday January 13, 2004 @03:50AM from the sign-me-up dept.

purduephotog writes "Xiaochun Li of The University of Wisconsin-Madison has come up with the ultimate gift for those high-tech wine and cheese connoisseurs: A cheese slicing laser. More detailed information is available at Optics.Org."

41 of 337 comments (clear)

Aww, dude, who cut the cheese? by Anonymous Coward · 2004-01-13 03:51 · Score: 1, Funny
1. Re:Aww, dude, who cut the cheese? by __aahlyu4518 · 2004-01-13 04:09 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  That was 1 cheezy comment...
Well darn by DarkHand · 2004-01-13 03:51 · Score: 4, Funny

"Basically, the cutting process is cold laser ablation, like that in laser eye surgery," said Li. "At 266 nm it gives a very good clean cut, although going deeper than 10 mm is difficult."
Now how am I supposed to cut my 10 pound wheels into Valentines decorations?
1. Re:Well darn by Frymaster · 2004-01-13 03:58 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Now how am I supposed to cut my 10 pound wheels into Valentines decorations?
  with a titanium knife! of course...
  
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  2 1337 4 u!
2. Re:Well darn by roseblood · 2004-01-13 04:01 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  If you put it on the head of a shark you can go 20cm deep, 10 cm from each side. And to think that people said that sharks with frigging laserbeams on their frigging heads would never see any practical application!
  
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  There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.
3. Re:Well darn by Hogwash+McFly · 2004-01-13 04:43 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  This is quite a Gouda invention. Infact I think it's Brielliant! A laser would be much Feta than a cheese wire. It Provolone won't be used outside of a large scale industrial setting though.
  
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  Mother, do you think they'll like this sig?
A Raclette Laser by TheMidget · 2004-01-13 03:52 · Score: 3, Funny

At first, Li tried using a traditional commercial laser that uses heat to cut by melting or evaporating; it fried the cheese.
Hehe!
"It smelled really bad," he said.
Don't tell that a Swiss!
1. Re:A Raclette Laser by po8 · 2004-01-13 04:53 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  C.f. "The Laser Cheese Raclette", Annals of Improbable Research 1(3) May/June 1995. Essentially, researchers used a steerable laser to melt the surface of a block of cheese to a precise, uniform depth. The result was reported to be tasty.
Who Cut the Cheese... by mcasson · 2004-01-13 03:52 · Score: 5, Funny

I can see the advertisement now...it's how the civilized cut the cheese.

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I've already said all that I have to say.
1. Re:Who Cut the Cheese... by Dr+Caleb · 2004-01-13 04:36 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  The rest of us just get someone to pull our finger.
  
  --
  "History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme." Mark Twain
2. Re:Who Cut the Cheese... by AndroidCat · 2004-01-13 04:39 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  This is the weapon of a Jedi Caterer...an elegant utensil for a more civilized day. For over a thousand generations the Jedi Caterers were the servers of hor'dorves and snacks in the Republic. Before the dark times, before the Kraft Empire...
  
  --
  One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
I like mine better. by Seth+Finklestein · 2004-01-13 03:53 · Score: 2, Funny

My cheese grater isn't laser-guided, but it is highly powerful. And it can run Linux!

Sincerely,
Seth Finklestein
Acclaimed Humourist

--
I'm not Seth Finkelstein. I still speak the truth.
Bets by saden1 · 2004-01-13 03:53 · Score: 4, Funny

Someone is going to lose a finger within the first week it is out on the market.

--

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One is born into aristocracy, but mediocrity can only be achieved through hard work.
1. Re:Bets by ncc74656 · 2004-01-13 05:03 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Someone will try to look straight into the laser, thinking its like the one at the supermarket checkout.
  
  There'll be a warning sticker on it:
  Do Not Look Into Laser With Remaining Eye.
  
  --
  20 January 2017: the End of an Error.
2. Re:Bets by Jerf · 2004-01-13 07:05 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  I opend my CD-rom and I can see the laser. Now where do I attach the sharks head?
  
  Sorry, CD-ROM drives use standard lasers; sharks are only rated for friggen' laser beams, which are only available to evil geniuses and their progeny.
Yeah that's great..... by whiteranger99x · 2004-01-13 03:53 · Score: 5, Funny

we just need to get some frickin sharks to put the frickin lasers on their frickin heads!!

--
Join the TWIT army now!
Hey, I'm for anything that saves washing dishes! by MissMarvel · 2004-01-13 03:54 · Score: 2, Funny

Bring it on!

Now if they'll just invent a laser-powered washing machine we'll be making some real progress.
Ultraviolet lasers and cheese by Anonymous Coward · 2004-01-13 03:54 · Score: 3, Funny

I've always wondered about the smell when one of my co-workers said "awww, who cut the cheese?"
and now I know it's because someone was using the wrong frequency of laser. If I use ultraviolet lasers, my farts won't smell.
Thanks for the informative article.
(...or have I missed something completely?)

TDz.
Cold Laser by wrax · 2004-01-13 03:54 · Score: 3, Funny

That laser, known as a cold laser, cuts by blasting apart the molecular bonds that hold materials together.
Now all we need is a corkscrew that doesn't leave floaty bits in the wine and we're all set.
1. Re:Cold Laser by krusadr · 2004-01-13 07:43 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  I used to prefer to CO2 powered cork extractor. You inserted the needle through the cork and released the gas while simultaneously screwing up your face and trying to cover your gonads.
  
  --
  while sco {
  wget -O /dev/null http://www.sco.com?sco=litigious%20bastards
  }
oh, this is just cruel... by tuxette · 2004-01-13 03:54 · Score: 1, Funny

It's bad enough I'm seriously addicted to cheese. And to cool kitchen gadgets. And now they're making a cheese slicing laser. I'm never going to get cured! Never I say!
Must have...must have...must have...must have...

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People say I'm crazy, I got diamonds on the soles of my shoes...
Did anyone else read ..... by MajorDick · 2004-01-13 03:55 · Score: 5, Funny

Maybe it was just my eyes jumping around but did anyone else read "Chinese slicing laser"
I think it was Xiaochun Li and Cheese slicing laser ....had me worried there for a second
My favorite quote from the ABCNEWS article... by jmertic · 2004-01-13 03:55 · Score: 1, Funny

"At any other university, people would have just laughed. But this is Wisconsin. It's cheese. And this is no laughing matter"
Somewhere, a George Carlin sketch is referenced... by whiteranger99x · 2004-01-13 03:57 · Score: 5, Funny

"In a country where you can buy cinnamon dental floss, cheese in a spray can, and edible womens panties, are people really breaking their balls to save nine cents on a fucking phone call?!"

Well, now we can add cheese cutting lasers to that list.

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Join the TWIT army now!
Invented by Dr. Evil? by doc_traig · 2004-01-13 04:00 · Score: 4, Funny

I have created this giant "laser" to threaten the "Earth" with "snacks."

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So long, michael. Don't let the door hit you...
Yeah, I saw it in Goldfinger by Black+Parrot · 2004-01-13 04:00 · Score: 1, Funny

And another Chinese guy had a cheese-slicing hat.

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Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
People Slicer by absolut_kurant · 2004-01-13 04:03 · Score: 1, Funny

Call me when they have a people-slicer. No more waiting in queues with my new light sabre (I wonder if the name is taken?)

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Yes.
Warning! by cperciva · 2004-01-13 04:04 · Score: 4, Funny

Do not look at cheese slicer with remaining eye!

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Tarsnap: Online backups for the truly paranoid
Re:I Think I Can Sum It Up Like This by AKAImBatman · 2004-01-13 04:08 · Score: 3, Funny

As they say, only in Wisconsin

This is why California will never overtake Wisconsin for cheese production. We take our cheese seriously! Sure, California may be producing more milk thanks to their farming factories, but their cheese is weak. Take their pepperjack for instance. In Wisconsin, that stuff has bite. In California, it tastes like those stupid shredded cheeses. Weak man, weak.

Oh, and don't believe all those commercials you see about how cows are happier in Sunny California and are so glad to get away from frigid Wisconsin. Those cows are roasting inside their factory farms where they have to stand on cement all day. At least in Wisconsin, we keep our cows in pastures.

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Javascript + Nintendo DSi = DSiCade
Not good. by frinkster · 2004-01-13 04:13 · Score: 1, Funny

My co-worker that graduated from UW-Madison already gets made fun of too much. Today is going to suck for him.
well... by UrgleHoth · 2004-01-13 04:18 · Score: 3, Funny

the article did state He believes that the work could point to a new and lucrative market future for lasers. "The food industry could be a huge market for lasers just like the semiconductor industry," Li said. "We've also been asked to cut meat and potato with a laser but we haven't done that yet."

So if this happens, we might see "a fine assortment of ginsu kitchen lasers (as seen on TV)."

--

Dogma - "let's just say we'd like to avoid any empirical entanglements."
Dare I say it? by Syncerus · 2004-01-13 04:27 · Score: 1, Funny

This is Dangerously Cheesy.

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"Man is nothing without the works of man" -- Helvetius
Hey, Darth ! by Vinnie_333 · 2004-01-13 04:29 · Score: 1, Funny

...your assistance is needed at the snack table!

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"We shall party like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean." - HedonismBot
sweet! another stick fighting flash movie by Dot+Com+Drew · 2004-01-13 04:36 · Score: 1, Funny

oh. Lasers. Cheese. What the hell?

My bad I saw xiao and I jumped the gun just a bit.

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This .sig is .false
Re:Why only cheese? by Anonymous Coward · 2004-01-13 05:04 · Score: 3, Funny

Seems to me the higher energy costs in these factories would be offest by the gain in work hours that would have before been used for cleaning, disinfecting, sharpening, replacing etc of the blades.

All the evidence suggests that U.S. meat and poultry processing plants already save money by not cleaning or disinfecting, so this is just added unnecessary cost! Why, it sounds like you're trying to take away grisly, unpleasant, underpaid, underinsured jobs from hard working underemployed Americans and illegal aliens! Why don't you go back to Communist, um, Canada! Yeah.

Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean you're not eating it
Re:Interesting Idea by trb · 2004-01-13 05:05 · Score: 2, Funny

I can easily acquire a tec-9 semi automatic machine gun and bullets for it can be bought from Wal-mart, but somehow you think a laser that cuts through cheese will be banned from consumers?
Hey, man, this is America. A laser cheese slicer is my inalienable God-given right that He provided in the Denclaration of Independance. Pursuit of happiness. It's self-evident.
From the article: Smelled bad by SassyDave · 2004-01-13 05:16 · Score: 1, Funny

At first, Li tried using a traditional commercial laser that uses heat to cut by melting or evaporating; it fried the cheese.

"It smelled really bad," he said.
What do you expect when cutting the cheese?
Re:fast food industry by PetoskeyGuy · 2004-01-13 05:38 · Score: 3, Funny

Yes of course - if people would only eat their cheese in square slices they wouldn't get so fat.
Re:Interesting Idea by ReTay · 2004-01-13 05:51 · Score: 2, Funny

Exactly.... Remember the cardboard signs that you can put in your windshield to keep out some of the sun during the summer? There is a reason that in big letters on the back it says DO NOT DRIVE WITH SHADE IN PLACE!!!!

One or two law suits is all it will take.
We had to get here eventually... by sczimme · 2004-01-13 07:30 · Score: 4, Funny

It was a feta-compli.

:-)

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I want to drag this out as long as possible. Bring me my protractor.
Aww. by Trejkaz · 2004-01-13 13:14 · Score: 2, Funny

Damnit, I knew my puns wouldn't make the grate. :-(

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Karma: It's all a bunch of tree-huggin' hippy crap!