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John Woo & Metroid the Movie?

Posted by CmdrTaco on from the thats-a-little-creepy dept.

An anonymous reader writes "John Woo has optioned Nintendo's best-selling video game franchise Metroid for the big screen, says The Hollywood Reporter. Woo will produce the sci-fi movie and has the option to direct. The plan is to release the first film before 2006. The movie will center on the origins of the game's female protagonist, sexy bounty hunter Samus Aran, and relate her adventures battling the insidious life-sucking Metroids and their controlling force, Mother Brain."

32 of 446 comments (clear)

  1. Woo! by shadowcabbit · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm sold on the idea. I just wonder how he's going to get the doves to fly through space.

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  2. what I want to know... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    If women start dressing and acting like Samus Aran, will they be called metroidsexuals?

  3. Once again by Tebriel · · Score: 5, Funny

    I weep for humanity, for I remember the Super Mario Bros. movie.

    No good can come from this.

    --
    The Blaster Master Fighting for Truth, Justice, and Evil Pie since 1979
  4. Re:Actress? by Wingchild · · Score: 3, Funny

    If they want to stay true to the storyline, they'll make a point of ignoring her sex until the very end of the film. It won't make a bit of difference to the fanboys who are already mentally queueing up to see it, but hey, it'd be true to the series.

    If the movie ends in an hour and a half, do we get to see Samus in a bikini? ;)

  5. It seems oddly appropriate.. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    ..that John Woo would license a movie of which the central theme is the destruction of a brain.

  6. Good license, bad director. by Willeh · · Score: 2, Funny

    I can see it not: Jackie Chan dresses up as a woman (again)_and Chris tucker as Mother Brain screaming at Samus "Never fire missiles at a black Woman's Jar, Girl." Then they break out into synchronised Beach Boys lipsyncing.

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    Will wank off Linus Torvalds for fame.
  7. Another video game movie? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    the insidious life-sucking Metroids

    In the craptastic spirit of other game-to-movie ventures like Mortal Kombat, Tomb Raider and The Wizard, I imagine the Metroids won't be the only thing that sucks.

  8. Getting ahead of themselves by hehman · · Score: 3, Funny
    The plan is to release the first film before 2006

    Yes, but when are the sequel(s) coming out, so they can join the distinguished list of video game movie sequels:

    1. Tomb Raider 2

  9. Re:Oh, god... by Psmylie · · Score: 2, Funny

    Samus: "I've got you now, Mother Brain!"
    MB: "You're talking to me all wrong... its the wrong tone. Do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a frozen metroid."

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    psmylie's dictionary: Godzillion (noun) Any number large enough to destroy Tokyo

  10. Re:Oh, god... by ktulu1115 · · Score: 3, Funny

    Samus is destroying us! Quick, more cowbell!!

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  11. lara croft by yamcha666 · · Score: 1, Funny

    Take that Lara Croft! You and your tombs!

    1. Re:lara croft by DikSeaCup · · Score: 2, Funny

      "tombs"? Is that what the kids are calling them these days?

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      I talk about stuff.
  12. Bonus features planned for video release? by mopslik · · Score: 5, Funny

    If I fast-forward the movie, watching it in less than 2 hours, will I get to see Samus in a skimpy bikini?

    1. Re:Bonus features planned for video release? by HungWeiLo · · Score: 4, Funny

      It's a John Woo movie - that means if you fast-forward through the movie, it will play at normal speed.

      --
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  13. If it doesn't start off... by mac+os+ken · · Score: 2, Funny

    If the movie doesn't start off by stating in large white text and a weak computer generated voice stating, "The last Metroid is in captivity. The galaxy is at peace.", I will be walking out. Super Metroid is the best game in the series. Period.

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    .deviatefromtheabsolute.
  14. Obligatory by KevinKnSC · · Score: 2, Funny

    "No funny stuff! And by funny stuff I mean holding hands, googoo eyes, misdirected woo- which is pretty much any John Woo film."

    - Homer Simpson

  15. My only question is... by ProppaT · · Score: 2, Funny

    How the heck are we supposed to put in the Justin Bailey code to see Samus half way naked in the movie....

    I don't know about you, but I like intergalactic bounty hunter boobies with my action...

    --
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  16. Metroid Movie, starring by lavalyn · · Score: 2, Funny

    - Angeline Jolie as Samus Aran
    - Natalie Portman as the Mother Brain (now also in glass jar!)
    - twenty-thousand computers in a Linux renderfarm for everything else

    --
    Doing the Right Thing should not be preempted by making a buck.
  17. Re:Random thoughts by Zed2K · · Score: 4, Funny

    A halo game could be really cheap to make too. They would be able to just reuse all the set pieces over and over without any modification.

  18. Back to Basics by handy_vandal · · Score: 4, Funny


    Let's get back to basics.

    Pong: the Movie.

    -kgj

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    -kgj
    1. Re:Back to Basics by hambonewilkins · · Score: 5, Funny
      Pong: the Movie.

      -In a world where wars are settled on a rudimentary tennis court, one man must struggle to beat right paddle.

      Tom Cruise is left paddle.
      "Right paddle, you are going down!"

      Nicholas Cage is right paddle.
      "Paddle... ball, I feel crazy here!"

      And Uma Thurman is ball.

      Pong: A John Woo film.

      --

      God Bless America. Why? Did it sneeze?
    2. Re:Back to Basics by Sentry21 · · Score: 4, Funny

      I think Penny Arcade said it best. But then again, it could be worse.

      --Dan

  19. Re:Oh, god... by Drachemorder · · Score: 4, Funny
    "It would be even better if they kept her gender a secret until later in the movie."

    Mother Brain: Fool! No man may destroy me!
    Samus (removing helmet): I am no man! *blows up Mother Brain*

  20. Re:FYI by karnal · · Score: 2, Funny

    And adding one more T is going to make us realize that it's not pronounced "fat"?

    heh. You're too kind.

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    Karnal
  21. WTF? by Infonaut · · Score: 5, Funny
    Why are you posting on Slashdot? Your ability to hold a nuanced view is despicable. I like the binary "your opinion sucks" arguments Slashdot *used to* have before people like you came along.

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  22. The arcade by Raunch · · Score: 5, Funny

    http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2002-11 -13&res=l

    --
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  23. I can hear the stage manager now . . . by Discoflamingo13 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Stage Manager: But Mr. Woo! There aren't any doves on Zebes!
    John Woo: They're compulsory, damnit! How else will people know I directed the movie?

  24. Re:Oh, god... by katarac · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yeah right. She'll be revealed as a woman in the first preview.

    "Intergalactic pirates threaten to take over the galaxy with the help of a terrifying new organism. But not if she *show samus getting out of her on-ship shower* has anything to say about it. *a bunch of shit blows up*"

  25. Or if under 6 hours, maybe just without the visor? by FearTheFrail · · Score: 5, Funny

    If the movie can go from start to finish in less than 3 hours, will we see Samus in a skimpy outfit at the end, after the credits?

    --
    ___ In the words of Gen. Douglas McArthur: "I'll be right back."
  26. Re:How I would do it. by ObiWanKenblowme · · Score: 2, Funny

    You left out the parts about the shifty-eyed dog and the talking pie...

    --
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  27. Re:I guess I'm out of touch ... by NanoGator · · Score: 2, Funny

    "I've never heard of the metroid series and it's mentioned as Nintendo's largest franchise."

    Isn't that kinda like coming to Slashdot and saying "WTF is Mozilla?"

    --
    "Derp de derp."
  28. Re:Oh, god... by Simon+Garlick · · Score: 2, Funny

    Quick, call the lawyers! Shakespeare has ripped off The Lord of the Rings!

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