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Our Man In Black

Posted by timothy on from the don't-trust-'em dept.

bot writes "A recent Slate article covers the onerous responsibilites of the Planetary Protection Officer. He is tasked with preventing contamination of earth by alien organisms, and 'forward contamination' (contamination of other planets with earth germs). There is also a published protocol (PDF link) for avoiding Martian bugs."

47 of 179 comments (clear)

  1. Ok... by cybermace5 · · Score: 5, Funny

    That would be the job to have, if only for the right to list "Planetary Protection Office" on your resume.

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    ...
    1. Re:Ok... by Hogwash+McFly · · Score: 2, Funny

      I saw a job advert in the newspaper the other day for a Planetary Protection Officer. You had to be willing to empty trash cans into the back of a big truck, though.

      On a serious note, (and for the insightful mod), does this not sound like one of those dressed up job descriptions that are oh-so popular in today's job market?

      "Would you like fries with that?" - Uniformed Solids and Liquids Nutritional Engineer Officer. Thing.

      --
      Mother, do you think they'll like this sig?
    2. Re:Ok... by Lattitude · · Score: 4, Funny

      Maybe someone nailed you with the "little flashy thingy", and you forgot.

    3. Re:Ok... by cybermace5 · · Score: 4, Funny

      Oh, do I get a cookie then?

      *looks in Firefox's Cookie Manager*

      Oh yes I do!

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      ...
    4. Re:Ok... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      Plus, the chicks love a man in uniform...uh, unless it's a Star Trek uniform, and you're there for the convention.

    5. Re:Ok... by moviepig.com · · Score: 4, Funny
      That would be the job to have, if only for the right to list "Planetary Protection Office" on your resume.

      Maybe not, since "protectionism" is ill-regarded nowadays. But it is an important step on the career path to "Interplanetary Tariff Collector".

      --
      Seeing bad movies only encourages them. Watch responsibly
    6. Re:Ok... by Bitsy+Boffin · · Score: 2, Funny
      ..and you're there for the convention.


      Yep, because the ladies sure loves a guy in a Star Trek uniform in any other situation.
      --
      NZ Electronics Enthusiasts: Check out my Trade Me Listings
  2. Does he have the... by Uber+Banker · · Score: 0, Funny

    Will of Smith?

  3. I vote for . . . by Goobermunch · · Score: 2, Funny

    James T. Kirk.

    --AC

    1. Re:I vote for . . . by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      we come in peace shot to kill shoot to kill
      we come in peace shoot to kill shoot to kill men

  4. Wildfire? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Okay. Anybody suddenly thinking of the Andromeda Strain now? :)

  5. Men In Black by Hogwash+McFly · · Score: 4, Funny

    Don't the Men In Black remove their fingerprints? But what if this guy makes a bomb that will kill us all?

    --
    Mother, do you think they'll like this sig?
  6. Simple by tdemark · · Score: 2, Funny

    He is tasked with preventing contamination of earth by alien organisms

    Couldn't he just watch this movie?

    - Tony

    1. Re:Simple by ShallowThroat · · Score: 2, Funny

      well i guess, but if he really wants to be same he had better watch this one too.

      --
      The "Insert Quote Here" line is almost as predictable as inserting an actual quote.
  7. But... by TexasDex · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...it's too late! The ailiens are already here! See?! They left this mark on me! I must do their bidding...

    --
    The Cheese Stands Alone.
    1. Re:But... by AaronStJ · · Score: 3, Funny

      "...it's too late! The ailiens are already here! See?! They left this mark on me! I must do their bidding...
      </sanity>"

      Looks to me like you actually closed your sanity tag well before the start of you post...

      --
      Stupid like a fox!
  8. You'd think I'd learn... by ibullard · · Score: 5, Funny

    First I find out that being a spy isn't all about gadgets and women. Then I find out being an archaeologist isn't all about running from traps and nazis'. Now I find out that protecting the earth from alien life forms doesn't involve talking to alien dogs and bug guns.

    WHY DO YOU LIE TO ME, HOLLYWOOD!!!
    *sob*

    1. Re:You'd think I'd learn... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

      Actually, being a spy IS all about gadgets and women. And archaeologists certainly have a lot of hazards when working in ancient structures, and they sometimes do land in trouble with authorities in different regions, depending on who's controlling it and who you are.

      I'm with you on the alien thing though, I was looking forward to having a good conversation with a bug gun.

    2. Re:You'd think I'd learn... by trentblase · · Score: 4, Funny

      And apparently being a computer programmer does not entail hacking into the Pentagon ever couple days... right? ... guys? .... is this thing on?

    3. Re:You'd think I'd learn... by ibullard · · Score: 2, Funny

      Hell, I'd settle for a blowjob because I'm a programmer.

  9. I want this job by unformed · · Score: 5, Funny

    What better way to pick up chicks than "It is my civil duty to protect you from alien lifeforms."

    1. Re:I want this job by Tumbleweed · · Score: 4, Funny

      Yeah, and the neuralizer doesn't hurt, either, cuz, you know, "damn." :)

    2. Re:I want this job by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
      What better way to pick up chicks than "It is my civil duty to protect you from alien lifeforms."

      Anyone that thinks that line could help them... can't be helped.

    3. Re:I want this job by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Alright, let's practice.

      You: It is my civil duty to protect you from alien lifeforms.

      Girl: Umm... okay...

      You:

    4. Re:I want this job by Zeebs · · Score: 2, Funny

      What better way to pick up chicks than "It is my civil duty to protect you from alien lifeforms."

      Just about anyway I'm guessing.

      --

      Happy Noodle Boy says "F###ing doughnut! Mock me? You fried cyclops!!"
    5. Re:I want this job by Any+Web+Loco · · Score: 3, Funny
      To which the expected reply would be "Ohh! Ironic!"

      ;^)

  10. So... by rasafras · · Score: 2, Funny

    ...what's his letter?

    Perhaps.... N?

    --
    webpage
  11. Avoiding??? by El_Smack · · Score: 5, Funny

    "protocol for avoiding Martian bugs"?!?

    Didn't NASA just spend a couple hundred million bucks trying to *FIND* Martian Bugs? Crap, when a few ice crystals were found, JPL wet itself. Had we found an actual bug, who knows what kind of party would have been thrown?

    --


    There are 01 kinds of cars in the world. The General Lee, and everything else.
    1. Re:Avoiding??? by AndroidCat · · Score: 3, Funny

      So far, no one has noticed the big paper ring around Mars that says "Sanitized for Your Protection".

      --
      One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
  12. Big problem... by Bigman · · Score: 4, Funny
    That meant not only protecting the Earth from extraterrestrial microbes that could cause disease, but also protecting other planets and cosmic objects from organisms native to our world.
    Well that's going to put a crimp in my plans for terraforming Mars & Venus.. Anyone want to buy some cheap land??
    --
    *--BigMan--- Time flies like an arrow.. but personally I prefer a nice glass of wine!
  13. at first glance by ErichTheWebGuy · · Score: 4, Funny

    I thought it said something to the effect of "he is tasked with spreading Earth germs to other worlds". Talk about spreading your seed!

    --
    bash: rtfm: command not found
  14. Re:Removing fingerprints doesn't work by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    Yeah, some people really hate to wear gloves...

    Hmm. Wear some thin gloves while commiting the crime, or burn off my fingertips with acid... Hard choice. :)

  15. Forget the Mars mission by xs650 · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Rummel has two primary tasks: to ensure that outbound spacecraft aren't contaminated with biological material from Earth "

    Humans are biological material. So much for the manned mission to Mars.

  16. Trip to mars by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    So what now? When I get back from my trip to Mars am I going to be met with a trafic jam and need to get my shipped checked for aliens hidding in the engine, and stashes of martian drugs?

  17. The Reason For Lies by notcreative · · Score: 5, Funny
    I think Mr. Nimoy said it best:
    The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies, but they're entertaining lies, and in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer...is 'no.' - Leonard Nimoy
  18. Solution for this problem by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    We should outlaw fingerprints! This way, only outlaws will have fingerprints!

  19. What kind of a position is this, exactly? by LithiumX · · Score: 3, Funny

    So is this guy considered a respectable functionary at Nasa who provides insurance over an uncertain but scientifically-possible threat? ... Or is he the guy who got stuck with the weird job? The sort of post they give someone who got caught stinking of the restroom one time too many?

    --
    Do not confuse "Freedom of Choice" with "Free Will".
  20. Re:Removing fingerprints doesn't work by B3ryllium · · Score: 2, Funny

    Two by two, hands blue ...

  21. I'll bet the poor guy is underappreciated by 0x0d0a · · Score: 2, Funny

    Greenpeace sinks ships and stages disruptive protests, but I'll bet they've never so much as sent a nice thank you card to their Planetary Protection Officer.

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    May we never see th
  22. Disaster by Luguber123 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Imagine what he's got to do to get fired from such a position.

  23. Heh. by Trejkaz · · Score: 4, Funny

    The resulting lack of fingerprints and scaring is actually more distinctive than the criminals original fingerprints.

    I'm not an expert, but I'd say when the criminal runs up to the cops and shouts "BOO!", that it pretty much gives the game away.

    --
    Karma: It's all a bunch of tree-huggin' hippy crap!
  24. oh i know! by aqui10 · · Score: 2, Funny

    So i guess thats bye bye dennis rodman!

  25. Re:Forward Contamination = family entertainment by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
    I think it'll be a bit hard to prevent when sending people. And no doubt there will be some jerks protesting a Mars landing on the infintesmal chance that there *might* be some particles of pre-animate matter laying around just waiting to get wiped out by human diseases.
    Yes, but the surviving particles of pre-animate matter can take solace in knowing that gambling casino concessions are coming their way. (After a hundred years or so of being forced to live on pre-animate matter reservations, of course.)
  26. This is outrageous by aled · · Score: 3, Funny

    I do program my own bugs, thank you very much. I don't think we need some outshored martians to do it.

    --

    "I think this line is mostly filler"
  27. Long Acronymn by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    The article mentions the "Treaty on Principles Governing the Activities of States in the Exploration and Use of Outer Space, Including the Moon and Other Bodies". So does our space officer have to write "ToPGtAoSitEaUoOSItMaOB" on memos he writes in reference to it? And how would one pronounce such an acronymn?

  28. Great job title, but bad for traffic stops... by Sam+Nitzberg · · Score: 5, Funny

    I would feel bad for this guy whenever he gets stopped by a cop......

    Cop: Are you are aware you were doing 45 in a 40 - zone?

    The NASA guy: ummm. no, but if you say so...

    Cop: Where were you going ?

    The NASA guy: home - I'm going home from work

    Cop: So, where do you work?

    The NASA guy: I'm the planetary protection officer - it's my job to protect the earth from interplanetary biologicals and contamination

    Cop: OK buddy, we're going downtown....

  29. Re:So? by tiled_rainbows · · Score: 2, Funny

    I seem to have some memory of seeing my birth certificate with foot prints on it. Maybe I'm crazy

    Maybe you left your birth certificate on the floor.

    --

    evil math within Nature's Cubic Creation!