Slashdot Mirror

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

Videogame Character Threatens National Security?

Posted by simoniker on from the sonic-the-jailed-hog dept.

Watchful Babbler writes "Apparently, 'the lead item on the government's daily threat matrix one day last April' was clear and definite: a reclusive millionaire had formed a terrorist group with the intent of launching chemical weapons attacks on Western cities. The White House was notified and the Director of the FBI briefed as the government raced to find information. But then, according to USNews.com, a White House staffer decided to Google for information on suspected threat Don Emilio Fulci and found him -- in a video game - Sega's action title Headhunter. No word on exactly which sources and methods came up with this gem, but word in the E Ring is that Fulci had issued the cryptic warning, 'You have no chance to survive make your time'."

27 of 396 comments (clear)

  1. Hmmm by Neil+Blender · · Score: 5, Funny

    Sounds like the government was trolled.

    1. Re:Hmmm by Bobdoer · · Score: 4, Funny

      So, do you think they'd fall for the Goaste link? Or would they be more susceptible to Tubgirl?

      --
      EVERYDAY IS CATURDAY
    2. Re:Hmmm by mfh · · Score: 4, Funny

      > Sounds like the government was trolled.
      By Sega, no less!

      --
      The dangers of knowledge trigger emotional distress in human beings.
    3. Re:Hmmm by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Of course, the Goatse Guy *is* in fact a threat to National Security. He is clearly demonstrating a viable way to smuggle WMD's across the border.

    4. Re:Hmmm by wackysootroom · · Score: 4, Funny

      Don't you mean weapons of *ass* destruction?

  2. Notice how the date is in April? by foidulus · · Score: 4, Funny

    Could the world's most elaborate April fools be amiss?

    1. Re:Notice how the date is in April? by DJStealth · · Score: 4, Funny

      I once had a security officer in an Airport stop to ask me "Where is South Park" (I was wearing a South Park T-shirt with writing in Hebrew & English), trying not to laugh, I responded that its a TV show. He then proceeded to ask me to take off my shoes and checked me for explosives.

  3. Amazing by DiscordOfFive · · Score: 5, Funny

    Wow. At least we know their intel gathering stuff works.... It just can't tell reality from fantasy.

    --


    Only the purest of souls seek enlightenment. Everyone else just wants power.
  4. Easy solution by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    Just recruit Mario Mario and his brother Luigi Mario. They're able to stop any trouble that comes their way.

    Oh, you may need to pardon them for their mushroom usage, but it's for a good cause.

  5. I also hear... by decipher_saint · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...that the Princess has been captured again. Good thing Google is up to date on terrorist kidnappings too.

    --
    crazy dynamite monkey
    1. Re:I also hear... by geekschmoe · · Score: 4, Funny

      sorry mario, but your terrorist leader is in another castle!

    2. Re:I also hear... by MisterFancypants · · Score: 5, Funny

      Sorry, Dubya, but the WMDs are in another bunker !!!!!

  6. "Sir, we've received a terrorist threat!" by Nova+Express · · Score: 4, Funny

    "Against what?"

    "Every single military installation worldwide!"

    "Really? What did it say?"

    "'All Your Base Are Belong To Us."

    --
    Lawrence Person (lawrencepersonh@gmailh.com (remove all "h"s to mail)

    http://www.lawrenceperson.com/

  7. Today's Threat Matrix by raehl · · Score: 4, Funny

    NYC sewer system may be target of a disgruntled mafia splinter group, ringleaders believed to be two brothers named Mario and Luigi.

    --
    paintball
  8. Re:In other news by KeeperS · · Score: 4, Funny

    I'm not surprised. Mario is a communist, after all.

  9. Aha! by sterno · · Score: 5, Funny

    That would explain the missing WMD's quite nicely :)

    --
    This sig has been temporarily disconnected or is no longer in service
  10. If you ask that sort of question ... by burgburgburg · · Score: 4, Funny
    or in fact ask any questions or even allow yourself in the solitary darkness to in any way doubt the true path that our holy warriors have been set by our commander in chief and recipient of the true word, then the terrorists have won.

    A relocation expert from sunny Guantanamo Bay will be coming by in a few minutes to assist you in understanding the heretical error in your ways. I hope you're photogenic.

  11. Cover for real terrorists by HermesHuang · · Score: 5, Funny

    Once this story gets out someone's going to realize that they can disguise an underground movement by naming it after a video game's bad guys. Then the FBI will think it's just a video game clan.

  12. Gameshark by The_Rippa · · Score: 4, Funny

    We'll, then all the FBI has to do is plug in their Gameshark and enter the following codes...

    Hero Is Immortal 24509328 36F055F8
    Enemies Are Blind 24109228 36705568

  13. In other news by DrugCheese · · Score: 4, Funny

    Sorry Mario, but our princess is in another castle ...

    --
    *DrugCheese rants*
  14. Re:relax, it's just an abhorrence by Tackhead · · Score: 5, Funny
    > They probably got this from some data mining software that processes internet traffic. I'm not surprised that a program would pick this up and not realize that it's a fictional character.

    Which reminds me, never mind this Fulci guy, it's been over 20 years and they still haven't found Carmen Sandiego! Where in the world is she?

  15. In other news by mbkennel · · Score: 4, Funny

    Rumors among the jihadi-message boards say that Osama Bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri have started communicating to each other and their followers "in the open", under code names "Darth Sidious" and "Darth Maul".

    The National Security Agency said that comment it will not, but you mustn't underestimate the power of the Emperor.

  16. In other news... by HaloZero · · Score: 5, Funny

    Law enforcement agencies all across the United States are searching for Tommy Vercetti. He is wanted for a string of felonies including (but not limited to) murder, assualt, battery, weapons sales, grand larceny, and above all else Grand Theft Auto.

    --
    Informatus Technologicus
  17. All your Iraq are belong to U.S. by macshune · · Score: 5, Funny

    While I won't say whether I agree with the war or not, a spontaneous parody is definitely in order.

    In A.D. 2003
    War was beginning.

    Saddam: What happen?
    Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb.
    Operator: We get signal
    Saddam: What!
    Operator: Main screen turn on.
    Captain: It's you! We met in the '80s!
    RUMSFELD: How are you gentlemen!!
    RUMSFELD: All your Iraq are belong to U.S.
    RUMSFELD: We are on the way to your weapons of mass destruction.
    Saddam: What you say!!
    RUMSFELD: You have no chance to survive make your time.
    RUMSFELD: Ha Ha Ha Ha...

  18. Well I've found the... by exp(pi*sqrt(163)) · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...WMD.

    --
    Doesn't it make you feel good to know that our freedoms are protected by politicans, lawyers and journalists.
  19. National Security Threats by commodoresloat · · Score: 5, Funny

    Come on folks, don't be naive. Just because this guy is a video game character does not make him any less a threat to national security. Do we really need another 9/11-style attack before we wake up? Remember after 9/11 when it turned out that the Sesame Street character Bert (of Ernie and Bert) was working closely with Osama bin Laden? Now I don't know a lot about this Don Emilio guy but I will feel much safer when he is locked away in Guantanamo, or at least huddling in a cave in Pakistan somewhere taunting us with audio tapes while American bombs explode nearby....

  20. Re:"says no such thing" ?!? by AndroidCat · · Score: 5, Funny

    Meanwhile, the real Don Emilio Fulci is laughing his ass off in his secret lair. "All it took was a few million dollars in bribes at Sega to have myself added to a video game, then a careful leak to the FBI. Now no US government agent will dare to say that he suspects Emilio Fulci. BWAHAHAHA!" :^)

    --
    One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.