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Playing Games While Not Ruining Your Relationship?
Silicon Mike asks: "A nice sized group of us here at work recently picked up City of Heroes, and started playing together. While all of us were gamers to some extent, now we're all pretty addicted and want to play together online all the time. The problem some of us are running into is that our significant others aren't too happy with us gaming all the time. Other then the two obvious solutions (quit playing or dump the significant other) I'm wondering how other people have deal with it? I tried installing Zoo Tycoon on my other computer and saying 'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite."
From past personal experience, if your significant other has a pre-existing interest in video games, then it shouldn't be too much of a problem to find a way to work this situation out. But for those involved with somebody who has no interest in games, you're probably fighting a losing battle and eventually one side is going to have to give.
I had the exact same problem, and for me the choice between my relationship and gaming was fairly simple: do both.
:)
I was involved in a competitive gaming league which held matches once a week. Even though our team played in a fairly low bracket in the league, we still took the time to practice before we played our weekly match. It got to the point where I was investing a significant percentage of my free time gaming and it began to wear on my significant other.
Eventually I said to my team "hey guys, I can practice once or twice a week for X hours and play in our match." That worked out fine and I had a lot of fun playing. But more importantly, I kept my relationship and gaming time well-balanced.
If you feel like spending significantly MORE time gaming than being with your significant other, then take a step back and decide whether one or the other is really worth it. I'd choose the gal, myself.
I've been fortunate enough to have a girlfriend who will accompany me to LAN parties and put up some respectable numbers on the fragboard.
I'm going to have to agree with the above. I just got married in January, but a while back I nearly lost her (after a few months of dating) because of my gaming habit. Graduating from college (and hence moving away from my gaming buddies) and getting more heavily involved cut way back on my gaming, and since I've been married I've played very little. I know games like CoH aren't very conducive to just playing a couple hours a week, but there it is. If you're like me, you pretty much have to treat is as a choice between gaming and your SO, at least for a while. Not that you have to give it up completely, but you may find that your conception of cutting back and only playing a little may differ significantly from hers.
:)
Cheer up though, it's worth it
My wife and I played through both Ratchet and Clank I and II, and then moved on to other, cooler games afterward. I've been patient, and also let her hold the controller a lot, and now she games more than I do. Even though she won't retain the same level of interest as I do, I'm sure she will have a continued appreciation for my desire to play sometimes.
In addition to the above obvious solution, check out Everquest Widows and try to avoid doing the things the "widows" complain about:
Yahoo Groups: Everquest Widows
Also, if your relationship has already gone south and you really want to keep it, don't be afraid to go talk with a counselor-- by yourself at first, but you might need to both go together to someone else, too.
Finally, if games are really more important than time with her-- stick with what you enjoy. Keep in mind that you might be making a long-term mistake for some short-term satisfaction.
Not so long ago, I went to a LAN Party and watched an acquaintance of mine sit through the entire thing playing "There" while the rest of enjoyed "real" games. Honestly, I couldn't believe he even bothered coming to the LAN in the first place.
After a while, he went on about how cool it was and showed us all his "flirting" with his "online wife". Knowing that he was married with a newborn child, I asked him, "What does your REAL wife think about all this?" He replied, "She does it TOO!".
I gulped and listened to him ramble on about the fact that his REAL wife was even planning to go meet her ONLINE HUSBAND. Obviously the guy had serious marital problems burgeoning, but he was alas unaware. I'm sure that by now he's either divorced or practicing online swinging (shudders)
Geeks all have this problem with balancing computer time vs. their relationships. It's hard, but that's why I end up staying awake into the wee hours of the night. Also, another rule: Play games you know you can put down. This is why LAN parties are good ... you go, play all night, and then it's out of your system (hopefully). Elsewise, join "Gamer's Anonymous" and realize that you're no different than a Crack Smoker.
I wrote an article in Issue 168 of ZZZ Online about some of this that may be of interest.
It may have been said before, but...
The Sims has a huge female following and possibly one of the biggest fanbases of any game. There is absolutely loads of user made content available on the internet - I know, my significant other has downloaded literally gigabytes (when compressed!) of it.
If you are suffering from bored-girlfriend syndrome introduce her to the sims (+ expansion packs) and notice the difference.
Why not invite her to play along? My wife didn't even want me to buy Halo (gee, honey, why the hell did we buy an Xbox if you don't want Halo?) but we started playing in co-op mode and now it's her guilty pleasure. She's even started playing alone at difficutly level 3 (geeze, I've played enough that you'd think I could remember what the levels are called). The only problem is you can't save in co-op mode; you have to finish each level or you lose all progress. So sometimes we stay up way too late on weekends.
If all this should have a reason, we would be the last to know.
"You have to be giving and attentive without necessarily expecting or getting the same in return."
I think you nailed it.
More specifically, they expect to define what is an appropriate amount of attentiveness for both of you.
i.e they decide what you should do to make them happy AND they decide what they should be doing to meet your needs.
A man's opinion of his own needs is of course completely irrelevant.
Ive been a gamer all my life, raised on Atari and NES. My Girlfriend hates gaming with a passion. But i wouldnt give it up, its my vice. Her solution to my gaming problem was an interesting one, now when i start playing a game she comes over and rubs her tits in my face and often times will start giving me oral sex to "distract" me from the game. Now how much better can you get then that, gaming with tits in the face and a blowjob, and yes im 100% serious!
I play Ultima Online and have been for 6 years. My fiance' plays too. Most weekends you find us pounding away on our keyboards adventuring together. Since our computers are in seperate rooms, it is not uncommon for us to talk to each other in-game.
I have been gaming for years and years, started on an Atari computer... anyone remember Qix? My first husband never understood the love of gaming. Now, much to his dismay, both his adult children are gamers. My son is more into the fighting games and my daughter, sadly, is addicted to Sims.
"Honey look at the cute bears"? No wonder she's pissed! Find her a game she really likes instead of insulting her intelligence and gender.
Karma, We don't need no stinkin' karma!
I would like to confirm this statement with a typical example that shows how geeks can go wrong with women. Geeks tend to seek content and are good at finding solutions. When a woman talks about her problems, the geek analyses the problem and offers a straightforward solution. Beware! Most women get very angry when you do that. She is not telling you her problems to find a solution, she wants you to listen. Your argument that the fact that you provided a good solution not only proves that you listened, but also helped her, only adds oil to the fire. The woman wants to talk, and not to be cut off by a "solution". Interested questions, however, are a great way to endear yourself to a woman. Especially of the kind, "How does that make you feel?"