Slashdot Mirror
Playing Games While Not Ruining Your Relationship?
Silicon Mike asks: "A nice sized group of us here at work recently picked up City of Heroes, and started playing together. While all of us were gamers to some extent, now we're all pretty addicted and want to play together online all the time. The problem some of us are running into is that our significant others aren't too happy with us gaming all the time. Other then the two obvious solutions (quit playing or dump the significant other) I'm wondering how other people have deal with it? I tried installing Zoo Tycoon on my other computer and saying 'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite."
Sorry if it sounds harsh, but the solution IS obvious: Cut back on the gaming. Perhaps way back. In a healthy relationship, you and your SO will give each other time to pursue your own interests, and you'll both sacrifice some personal time for the other. You can't be a compulsive gamer and have a healthy relationship.
If you have to be gaming all the time, as you say, it's time to grow up. And if you can't just do a little, then maybe you should give it up all together.
I've been married 15 years, and it's largely because my wife and I both make sacrifices. There's no getting around it. I hope you work things out for the best.
Unless you find a woman who can handle you playing games like that most of the time while ignoring her, you're out of luck. Most women (I've found) like to be paid attention to.
:D
Besides, women are more fun to score with.
They both cost money, but I'd have to go with getting rid of the games (I know, blasphemy).
When you're 60 years old and remembering the great times of your life, no ones going to say, "You know, I should have dumped that old broad and played more video games..."
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If the two of you can't work out a comprimise (spoken or unspoken), then you really don't belong in a relationship with one another. Gaming isn't the only thing that's going to eat into your life in the next few years -- work, children, clubs, friends, PTAs, softball games, etc. will all potentially require some kind of balance if you're going to continue a workable relationship. So look at this as a test run.
Relationships are about cooperation -- they're about *not* just considering your own needs, but taking the other person into serious consideration. I used to play hours of Quake each day in college, but when we moved in together I realized I was ignoring her and I cut way the heck back. Now, I play where I have a chance; it's not a set schedule, just something we worked out (you can't live together without having time alone, IMO). I'll play some GTA while she reads or watches a chick flick on HBO. She understands it's something I enjoy, but I understand that I can't blow the unhealthy amount of time I used to on it. Welcome to adult life.
Anyhow, my girlfriend (er, fiance... gotta get used to that before the wedding) is more important to me than numbing my mind in front of the Xbox. If yours isn't, well, maybe it's time to cut her loose and pursue your real interests.
Weirdly, I actually found myself on the other side of this one back with Girlfriend 1.0; she started playing MUDs our freshman year of college and got absolutely addicted. Our three-year relationship went right into the crapper because she *obviously* preferred being in character in her little fantasy world to me (or reality in general for that matter -- she flunked out of school because she wasn't bothering with classes). I suppose that gave me a bit more empathy in terms of this situation...
Every year during my review, I just pray the words "slashdot.org" aren't mentioned.
Other then the two obvious solutions (quit playing or dump the significant other)
How about limiting your playing time each day to something you both agree on, and then spend your non-playing time together. You definitely need your free time away from your SI, everyone does, so just use it to play the game. It sounds like you may have a problem when you say "want to play all the time". Just do it in moderation.
Your post is retarded for 2 reasons: /. regulars DO have SO's, as proven time after time in discussions.
1. Many
2. ^H^H is dumb. You might as well just made an "All Your Base" or "nerds don't have girlfriends" post. Oh wait.. you did.
In general, you don't want to make your girlfriend feel like she's 2nd place. For example, don't go straight to the computer after getting home. Sit down, chat with her, let the day kinda die down before going to a game. This alone will make a much bigger difference than simply cutting back the number of hours involved. Sadly I found this out the hard way once.
After having over a year of my life sucked into Ultima Online I can tell you from experience that you want to stay away from the MMORPG genre.
These games are specifically designed to maximise addiction and require as much of your time as is possible. They are designed to make it impossible to just sit down for 15 minutes and have a fun little game.
There is a whole world out there with actual real things that games only exist to simulate. Computer games are great while they are augmenting your real life. They are good for a little off time every now and then.
When you reach a point where your wife/girlfriend/whatever feels neglected because of a video game, you need to question your priorities. Perhaps the proper question isn't how to get her off your back, but rather, is this game worth the time I am spending?
First, don't get addicted to too many games. I will only buy the very best games out there then go a couple months in between them once finished.
Second, arrange times that you are going to play a couple days in advance so you can warn significant other. Set a time limit like 2 hours or so. You will always run over the time limit, so you should aim toward the lower end of the spectrum that you really want to play for.
Third, it is ok to play once significant other has fallen asleep, but never...I repeat...NEVER let her go to bed by herself. If you do you are just asking for it. Now if you can pull off the cuddle for awhile bit until she is asleep and then get up and play you may get away with it, but that laying down till fall asleep time seems to be very important to women.
This has worked for me. I must admit that I don't play as much as I used to, but that is probably for the best. Just remember to spend at least as much time as you plan on playing with your significant other. I don't mean sitting in front of the tube time, but realy quality time. Also let them know you are going to play, so it does not come as a suprise.
One of the bonuses of City of Heroes is the lack of EQ or DAoC-style timesinks.
You don't have to level your character before leveling your clothes. You don't have to camp a spawn for seven hours. You don't have to do ML10.
The game is perfectly able to be played an hour or two at a time. In fact, it caters to casual gaming. If you're spending so much time playing City of Heroes that your girlfriend is getting pissed, there's probably a good reason.
A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.
Solution # 3.5: stop making this stupid "joke," which as far as I'm concerned is a troll. Obviously there are plenty of /.ers who do have relationships, and for those of us over the age of thirteen or so the balance between the geek and non-geek portions of our life is a serious concern. I'm really sick of the way nobody can say anything on /. about relationships without having this troll pop up.
The correlation between ignorance of statistics and using "correlation is not causation" as an argument is close to 1.
We made $2.15 per hour. Operators would wait for someone to call to have a disk changed, and we would mechanically change the disk and run the predecessors of fsck (icheck, ncheck, dcheck, etc.). The systems ran Version 6 Unix, and there were two VAXes which ran 4BSD.
There were several ways to entertain yourself while waiting for a call to do something. You could do your homework. You could try to learn more about Unix and C, which they didn't teach in the college because they had little practical application at the time in the eyes of the CS department. Or you could play rogue, an interactive computer game that ran with really primitive graphics on the VT100 terminal.
Most of my colleauges chose to play rogue. I read the Unix and C documentation, which was only one book and about a foot of papers at the time. I had some computer programming experience, including assembler, but no formal classes in programming, as I was a communication arts student. But once I had read all of the available literature on Unix and C, I was able to get a job as an assistant systems programmer and start moving up in the lab. That eventually got me to Pixar.
The folks who played rogue? They did OK, I guess. But I think they would have done much better if they'd taken the opportunity as seriously as I did.
Look around. There is probably something to do that would be much more important, and eventually more fun, than the game-playing. You only get one life. Start living it.
Bruce
Bruce Perens.
nah. why all those guys are saying to stop playing games? This is crazy. You must simply find a game that your beloved likes.
:)
..but since our daughter was born, we don't play that much as previously.
My wife said she will never play adom, because she doesn't play games at all (except for glines). Few months later she plays adom more than me. Isn't it all easy? Just find a game that is addictive enough and you have won!
#
#\ @ ? Colonize Mars
#
And it's obvious that some people just can't take a joke these days. Have a Laugh, it's funny and get over your arrogant self.
Depends on what "cut back" means. If cut back means going from playing many hours a night, every night, to playing a few hours a week, I agree. However if cutting back means going from playing a few hours a week to nothing, then I think it's time to have a talk with the SO and maybe break up.
Why? Well, as you said, relationships are give and take. Pat of that is both of you need time to do things that YOU enjoy, even if the other does not. Those should, of course, be limited, but people need time for their own fun even in a commited relationship. If your SO can't handle that, you probably are in an unhealthy relationship.
I know far too many people, mean and women, where their life is all about what the other person wants. If the SO doesn't like it, it has to go entirely. If the SO want to do it, then they do. Not a healthy way to be.
So if a woman wants you to cut back your gaming to not be the dominant activity in your life, that's a good thing. If she wants you to cut it out entirely, that's not and you need to talk about it.
Now City of Heroes. I didn't like it for the first few days(because from what I saw of the gameplay, it sucked...but that was because it was just for the first few levels, so the combat seemed slow because of lame recharge times)...so it looked like he was choosing a crappy game over me.
But now I'm into it. And I'm lucky that my boyfriend encourages the inner gamer geek in me. He helps me and suggests strategies for when I'm/we're playing Soul Caliber 2, Diablo 2, City of Heroes, etc. etc. I say I'm lucky because he could just as easily be protective of his Xbox or computer(mine's old and can't handle much more than Alice). I also got over my aversion to City of Heroes because we had a talk about it. I made a big assumption that was wrong: he was choosing the game over me. But the reality, he said, was that he was choosing the game over doing nothing. I was afraid to speak up and ask to do things with him because I assumed I would annoy him and interrupt his levelling. Turns out that isn't the case; it was just a vicious cycle of him playing, me assuming he doesn't wanna be with me, me not saying we should do something, him assuming I don't wanna do anything, so he played the game. Luckily it was only a few days before that was straightened out. :)
Really, this comes down to personal space. IMO a relationship isn't really all that healthy if you can't spend a certain amount of time alone without one or the other of you becoming unhappy. Women just need to realize that at certain times in a guy's life she is going to have to share top-priority, or even be runner-up for a short while. In other words:
Attention to all women: Guys fixate on stupid crap once in a while. Let us burn ourselves out on it and we will always come back to you happier and perhaps smarter.
The meek shall inherit the earth, in 3 by 6 plots. - Lazerus Long
And it's obvious that some people just can't take a joke these days. Have a Laugh, it's funny and get over your arrogant self.
Do you not understand that a joke that is funny once, or ten times, or even a hundred times, eventually stops being funny? I have lost count of the number of times I've seen this "joke" repeated. (The fact that it relies on an offensive stereotype doesn't help, of course; the only reason it was funny at all, ever, is because the stereotype does have a grain of truth to it.) I don't think I'm being arrogant when I say that it just isn't funny any more, and IMO has become another Soviet Russia / Natalie Portman / *BSD is dying.
The correlation between ignorance of statistics and using "correlation is not causation" as an argument is close to 1.
Or you can try to bring them over to the dark side...
I must confess... I've tried it with my wife, but thus far have had no luck. Back in the day she was a relentless MUD'er, but now doesn't seem to have any interest in computer games whatsoever (I feel like Luke trying to drag Vader back to the Light side of the force... "there is good in him... I have felt it").
Still, sacrifices are what makes a relationship work. She's intelligent, beautiful, funny, a good cook, a great mom, and makes more money than I do. Her only flaw seems to be that she married far beneath her station... a flaw for which I am eternally thankful.
I'd give up the games for her... but she'd never force me to do that... give-and-take is a beautiful thing.
I agree with the parent poster... you don't end a relationship for a lousy video game... I don't care how 1337 it is.
Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
Chances that you can offer her a substitute when she actually wants attention from you are not good. Chances that there will be times when she's checking email/websurfing on another machince, reading books, on the phone, watching TV, doing things with her friends (not sure what the modern, not-old-people equivalent of the bridge club is) are usually pretty high. I've had moderate luck playing games that can be picked up and put down easily while the girlfriend stops to smell the proverbial flowers (hm... providing actual flowers might work too).
The downside is that this method is better suited for single player games than cooperative play for obvious reasons. Coordinating schedules makes things more difficult. Of course, these things are all relative. Most reasonable girls would understand one games night a week and most would feel neglected if you wanted to play several hours a night, but YMMV. (Unfortunately, CoH's $15 monthly use it or lose it access makes infrequent gaming a terrible value - this is the reason I won't touch the game.)
All that said, your question sort of misses the point. Time is the only limited resource that you can't get more of. If you want to spend your time one way and your girlfriend wants to spend it another, ultimately one of you is going to get what you want and one is going to have to settle for something else. In a good, healthy relationship the two of you are going to do your best to try and accomodate each other's wants equally, but at the end of the day you DO need to choose one or the other. (Unsolicited relationship advice: In the absence of any other information, my opinion is that if you have to think about it too hard, you're not with the right girl.)
it's simple. your woman, and even your life, can be viewed as a game. instead of working hard to score in a game, work hard to score with your woman... instead of exploring levels of some fake world, figure out what places you can take your woman to in the real world that get her in the mood. figure out how to get her to do x and y things that she would never think of doing.
making your woman happy and the resultant behaviors she will perform for you are infinitely more rewarding than any intangible, fictional reward a game might offer
trust me, evolution has made women the most challenging and addictive game ever, there's just a steep learning curve.
Try getting the SO involved in the game with you. That's what they want, you know, more time with you. I did that with my wife, she plays Doom and all the stuff that will run on our crappy machine. She keeps harping about wanting a Gamecube now... You can bring the SO with you to LAN parties, you can be together doing something fun. Nothing wrong with that at all, and remember the statistic that most online gamers now are females over 40 (or something like that.) So there's no reason not to try. I don't think there's anyone who doesn't like a good videogame. Spouses or girl-/boy-friends are no exception.
The biggest problem for gaming (particularly with games like this or EverQuest aka EverCrack) is the obsession level. It is very easy to "forget" about important occasions or promises in the effort to finish a particular quest. It is also easy to be so social during this period that your time with your SO is spent wanting some solo, quiet time -- the exact opposite of what is needed.
/. readers).
The real question is which do you value more - your SO or your game. If you value your relationship, you can plan "poker nights" -- several hours scheduled in advance for your gaming -- then balance these with "couple nights" -- an equivalent number of hours of activities you enjoy sharing as a couple (sleeping together does not count). If you don't value your relationship, then the problem existed prior to the game and the gaming is simply making it stand out. In this case, the SO may have to take a walk -- leaving you the position of being a gamer who can't maintain a relationship (the supposed M.O. of most
I was taking one day at a time, but then several days got together and ambushed me. (from a Rhymes with Orange comic)
...why not try City of Heroes, or some other multiplayer game that your SO might enjoy. I know my SO used to get bored when I'd pour hours into Final Fantasy X, but after a while, she realized it was fun to watch. Then she realized it was fun to discuss possible strategies. Then she realized it was fun to tell me what strategies to use. Then she took over my game. Anyway, all this was only after she had finished her own game that I had bought for her (Champions of Norath). The lesson I learned? Make gaming and spending time with your SO non-mutually-exclusive. Don't assume that she likes games with cute animals, get her to try Baldur's Gate and the like. Then sit there and watch her play it. Unlike us, a lot of the time women can play video games and carry on a conversation. Then, later, when you're playing some games, she will be much less inclined to demand you shut it off. She'll just sit down with you and assume that you're also able to carry on a conversation (good luck, there).
"Now gluttony and exploitation serves eight!" - TV's Frank
This is actually a current problem of my current SO (and avid slashdotter) with Ragnarok Online. Don't get me wrong, I am such a gaming chick. I've been known to spend long periods of time glued to my laptop til the wee hours of the morning. However, he plays during the day while I'm at work, then wants to play all night as well. It's a &*^%@&^%& battle to tear him away from the computer to do something other than slay anime monsters. It won't do anything to seriously jeopardize our relationship, but damn, it's annoying. I work for sometimes 10 hours days staring at a computer.. do I really want to drive an hour home, then stare at a computer RIGHT away til 5am? Not likely. And a previous poster then said making your girlfriend feel like 2nd place is bad.. they were dead-on. Compromise with her. Watch a girlie chick flick with her in exchange for some game time, or stay with her til she falls asleep, play for a bit, then return and sleep yourself. If she really knows you and your geeky gaming addicition, she can't get TOO mad.
You admit you're addicted, that you want to play this game all the time, but the girlfriend is the problem?! Where's Dr. Phil?
Slashdot: Failed Car Analogies. Amateur Lawyering. Anecdote Battles.
Of course, I'm not blowing 20 hours a week on video games, I'm spending it in the myriad stages of graphic novel production. Time for it has to come from somewhere- out went video games, out went movies. I do those when I'm too burned out from writing, pencilling, inking, coloring to do anything else.
Oh yeah, and there's the day job. Combine that with the graphic novel and I have about six hours of free time a week. Broke up with the girl I was dating the week I started the project in earnest. I told her I had finally started work on the thing- which I have been planning since 1994- and her response wasn't "sweet!" or "nice!" or "it's good that you're starting to realize your dreams!", it was "I'M NOT TAKING A BACK SEAT TO SOME STUPID WEBCOMIC!"
And so, quite suddenly, she wasn't.
When I'm 40, my memories of my mid twenties will be a haze of production striving to pull together a story that has been taking shape in my head for ten years. I will have ACCOMPLISHED something, rather than suffering the tyranny of an ice queen who wanted my creative energies for herself.
Fortunately, the woman I'm half-dating now understands exactly where I'm coming from (she's a writer)- and has caught more than a few typos.
If you have to sacrifice something you love, then it's pretty obvious that there's a more compatible girl out there.
Why do i continuously see the argument, which equates gaming to being "non-adult" This is just plane bullshit and denotes the proponent of such as being small minded.
Thanks for the insult, but you aren't paying attention. I didn't say gaming was immature, I said compulsive "all the time" gaming is. I play video games. Where maturity comes in is realizing that you can't just play around all the time, whether it be video games or any other pastime.
I personally spend a lot of time playing Magic: The Gathering Online and at the same time, have a SO as well.
I find that in the long run, the SO is much more important to me than any game will ever be, no matter how powerful/how much money/how much time I spend playing it.
A game should be just that, a game.
I think when you find a game or virtual activity getting in the way of real life friendships (let alone relationships), you probably have an addiction problem.
Finding video games more amusing than your partner is indicative of a problem. This is true of anything though, not just video games. The solution is not to distract her with games (unless the problem is that she's just bored, and not specifically craving more of your time) but to find out what the root problem is, and solve it.
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
Seriously, you need a better girlfriend.
Of course there needs to be a balance between time you spend with your friends doing fun stuff and time spent with your SO doing fun stuff, but it shouldn't take an enormous amount of effort to balance. It should come naturally, and when possible, the two worlds should overlap.
If gaming is important to you, than you need to find a girlfriend who enjoys gaming, too, and will join you. This is important, because later on, when you're married, this will cause problems. She could expect you to "grow up" and stop doing "childish" things.
An IT manager showed some obvious interest in me. I decided to pursue this for at least a friendship, because I can always use another gaming friend and movie buff to hang with. I later find out he thinks I'm perfect and never imagined a girl like me could exist. I'm a geeky hot chick who shares all his interests. He makes it obvious he wants more from me.
I THEN find out the guy is married! Turns out he's so smitten he was actually considering having an affair. Of course I put a stop to that dream.
My whole point is, the guy had no concept that a woman like me existed, so instead he settled for a nice woman who put up with him and lets him get laid every once and awhile. Obviously, he isn't happy with this, and his mind is wondering to other, seemingly better prospects.
If the girl you are with cannot handle your hobbies, and refuses to join you with your hobbies, than you are with the wrong woman for you. There is someone better out there.
(You may need to wait 10+ years before you can find her, but she's out there)
This is of course a ridiculous item, so I couldnt resist. I have 2 kids and a wife. I was born in 1969 and grew up skateboarding and playing video games. I don't skate anymore, but I love videogames still. Most jobs I have had (IT dept) have had after work / last hour tournaments, my current job is the exception.
Well, I am still addicted to FPS games, and I just stay up a few hours after everyone else goes to bed. That is my time, and I can do whatever the fuck I want to do with it. I have all of 2 pastimes, collecting and djing music and fragging tanks in bzflag. All of my remaining time goes to work and raising 2 kids.
If you are having a problem with your SO, maybe it is because you expect to be able to play whenever you feel like sitting down at your deck. You need to structure your time and make sure that you pay sufficient attention to you SO. Make sure you respect each other's free time, by speaking about it. Don't just disappear into the computer right after dinner. Communication will get to the bottom of your issue.
You may have been joking about zoo tycoon, but that game just sounds LAME. Do you even know what kind of games she likes? When my wife was pregnant I bought Hoyle Board Games 2003 so she could play mahjongg to her hearts content. Lots of women enjoy the Sims from what I know, and the above poster is lucky enough to have a wife that plays Quake 3. Now THATS hot! Anyway, either try to involve her in your hobby (who knows it may even be fun) or find her a game she can enjoy.
As soon as my kids are old enough you can bet that we'll be going head to head on our playstation 3. I've been waiting years to frag the little rugrats ! Also considering buying dance dance revolution since we all enjoy dancing, and it could be a real fun family activity.
music lover since 1969
This write up doesn't quite describe my life, but close enough. I have been married now for over 5 years and my wife has just told me that she is going to leave me. We have a child that is two years old, and this turn of events is tearing me up inside. I love her very much, but she tells me that I am emotionally distant.
I work really hard, and I guess when I came home my mind was somewhere else. She wanted to do things together when I just was spent and tired. I wasn't into her hobbies, and she didn't care for mine. I did always ask her though before if she was happy, and she always said yes. I resolved to never touch the computer again when she was in the house, and I broke the CD of the game that I would play. We are getting counseling, but she pretty much said she doesn't care what I do, she is out of here.
I remembered when I was a kid I would always seek out a quiet corner away from my large family to be by myself. That doesn't work well when you are married. I am in the middle of changing my entire life, and it isn't comfortable. Find out "why" you like computer games. If it is because you like to avoid people then you have a real problem, and get counseling. I know many people like CS clans, but still games eat up SO MUCH TIME. Spend it with real people.
My advice? Don't use computer games as a substitute for real relationships. Not when you are a teen, not when you are an adult. They aren't good for anything except wasting time. The web is only slightly better than games. It is hard to make real relationships with real people, and they can hurt at times, but they are much much more fulfilling.
I beg to differ. Just because there is a segment of the community that the joke doesn't apply to does not mean that there cannot be a stereotypical /. user that you can joke about. It's about the image, not the reality.
I'm having difficulty with your second assertion. Just how does the use of backspace end up being equivalent to an "All Your Base" joke? Granted he was making a "nerds don't have girlfriends" joke, but the use of the backspace in this instance says, "Why are you asking me.... Oh wait! I mean why are you asking them?" and it becomes self-deprecating humor. I believe you may have missed that since people who take themselves too seriously often don't understand that type of humor.
--
As a matter of fact, I am a lawyer. But I play an actor on TV.
"Spoken like somebody who hasn't been in a serious relationship."
Hmm.. you know what, I regret saying that particular bit. I'm sorry, man.
You are making it sound like all gamer girls play is Sims. Some of us play the same games boys do.
~ lilibat gamer geek goth girl
I come home eat dinner with my wife and my 4 yr old and 8 yr old son. Help with homework put the kids to bed interact with my wife then put her to bed, THEN I play my games. The best way it worked for me is that I play my games from about 9pm on (I am a night owl). :)
it helps if I get the dishes done too.
(three computers in the house and one in the garage!)
I can't use my sig - my computer can't read my handwriting.
Alternatively, you need a couple of good ones to recognize a bad one for what it is and get out before you sustain too much Damage. I've seen many friends of mine be all DOOD I SUCK I'M LONELY I JUST WANT A GIRLFRIEND and then they GET one and do absolutely anything she demands because they are very, VERY afraid she'll up and leave if they don't comply.
Leaving your dirty underwear on the pillows is one thing. A girl goading you into changing your hairstyle, lifestyle, POSITION IN LIFE, etceteras, is NOT someone who's going to make you happy. At all. Ever. Women and boys are like Linux geeks and Linux- they see a lot of things they want to change and approach the guy from a standpoint of Potential, as opposed to what he Actually Is- and they set about to make changes. This in and of itself seems to be an inherent compulsion (in my experience and observation), and how (badly) it manifests depends largely on the woman's personality.
Marrying the first girl who's willing to have sex with you is not a recipe for success- surviving a handful of relationships will teach you what you want out of one, what you need to change about yourself, and what you shouldn't change about yourself.
Oddly enough, relationships are like video games in the standpoint that the more you "play" them, the "better" you get at them.
Bruce
Bruce Perens.
2. Once your SO understands the games importance to you, agree upon a reasonable schedule for you to play and for him/her to do something s/he likes. If you spend 3 hours Tuesday night playing CH with your buds, then she can spend 3 hours at a spa, or at the mall, or out with the girls, or whatever else she wants.
3. Cut back on your other hobbies to compensate for the time you spend gaming. Just because you played CH for 5 hours straight doesn't mean you can now log out, start reading blogs, posting on /., or tinkering with your hardware. The time you spend away from you SO is lost regardless, so make it count and use it to its maximum.
4. Take time off from the game at least one day a week and go do something TOGETHER with your SO. What's going to last longer? City of Heroes or your relationship? Go for longevity.
I've been playing UO for nearly 7 years and an assortment of other games off and on. I'm fortunate that my wife enjoys playing computer games, too, so when she sits down to play, I can sit down and really play.
Balance is the key.
You seem really, really touchy about this subject.
how can you forget a beowolf cluster of dead horses!
The problem with dead horses is that you can't ride 'em. Natalie Portman covered in hot grits however....
All your base are belong to us!
Or have a kid. She takes care of the kid while you game. Perfect.
Dude, I think I can see my house from here.
wow...looks like someone struck a nerve...
"It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance." - Thomas Sowell
A few things that have helped me out...
1. Make sure your gaming computer is in the same room as the TV. Whenever she turns on "American Idol", you can get in an hour of complaint-free play time.
2. Buy a Gamecube and every game with "Party" in the title (Mario Party 5, Warioware Party, etc...). This can turn gaming into a social activity which will help remove some of the negativity around the subject. (What female can resist the charm of the "Protect the cat" mini game on Warioware??)
I am a gaming chick and love playing Counterstrike. However I have a similar problem to the original poster. My boyfriend wants to spend all his time in the Garage tinkering with stuff. So we allocate time when he does his garage thing and I go do something else. That way we are both happy. Then later we talk about what we got up to in our own time eg. how many times he dropped hot solder on his foot etc. Some time apart is a good thing as it can get stifling if you are always together.
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast... - AJ Rimmer
Have your wife find a hobby. If she games also, great! Otherwise when you get home from work talk with her about her day If your wife cooks, help her. If that means loading up the dishes and she's cool with just that, fine. Play your game for a couple of hours per night. Not every night. Limit your time spent gaming, make a schedule. She might want to read a book, go for a walk, whatever.
It's not like you have to spend ALL your free time with her, but she'll still like to know that you're there and that you think about her.
You might not be get a great score in Unreal Tournament 2004, but you'll win at the game that really matters.
Frankly, I'm the only one in the house who ever finishes our games. My husband buys them, for the most part, but I'm the one who actually plays them all the way through. Personally, I can't stand The Sims - I'm up for just about anything else though. We met in-game, and we've played together consistently over the years - started in EQ, went to DAoC, now City of Heroes... and all the off-line games in-between. He can beat me on some of the fighting games (I still rule DOA though), and I kick his ass in strategy. I think, counting back, that I've actually been playing games longer than he has. My whole family played together (ok, minus my Mom) and so I think we got an early start on being able to balance games with life.
:)
Admittedly, it's not like you can expect whoever you fall for to have the same interests... so for the standard reality-check - make sure your girl's getting enough time, and that your gaming isn't taking away from your relationship... then Hero away. A couple other things to remember:
1) The game will be there when you go back. If life's calling, hang up on the game... so maybe you lose some exp, or you annoy your group - there are far worse things to lose than that.
2) Try to make sure that you're not losing time - telling someone you'll be home (or will meet them, pick them up, etc.) "in an hour" and coming home three hours later is being an ass no matter what you were doing. I used to be terrible about that.
3) Take care of your responsibilities out-of-game. The game is more likely to be the focus of anger for your partner if you're not doing your share of housework, food prep, dog feeding, all that stuff. (It also means that your gaming time is much less likely to be interrupted with timed demands to do chores.)
Good luck, and it is possible.
~ Leilah
Other then the two obvious solutions ...
Please, it should be "than" here, not "then."
Anyway, you should do what I do... save all the computer goofing around for work. It sounds like your fellow players are there already, and probably a nice LAN. Just blow a good 5 hours or so a day playing games, and put in a few hours of work. You'll get your gaming taken care of, and it'll be totally guilt-free, as you won't be taking time from the SO. Unless your SO happens to be your boss, of course.
"Would it kill you to put down the toilet seat?" -- Maya Angelou
A man marries a woman and expects her never to change. She always does.
"
Had it occurred to you that throwing a bunch of women together who may have nothing in common other than the fact that their guys play games together and expecting the conversation to keep them riveted might not work?
To use a totally stereotypical example - exactly how happy would you be at the chance to sit around while your SO makes a quilt with a bunch of other people? Or scrapbooks? Or gardens? If you're not interested in what's going on, having other uninterested people there isn't going to make it any more fun.
If you want to bring them to the LAN party and keep them happy, provide some alternate form of entertainment for the folks that don't feel like watching/playing the games. Maybe a movie, maybe card games, board games, probably some decent food... but sitting around complaining about how their partners play games is only going to hold someone's interest for so long. Try to think about what they find interesting, too - just throwing something at them all without considering what they like most likely won't be successful either.
~ Leilah
All the Koei Dynasty Warriors games have interesting characters and plots, and at the same time are easy to pick up and play.
I got my wife totally hooked, now we play co-op all the time. Last time we went to the store, I casually noted that Samurai Warriors had just come out and she made me buy it. Yes, my wife MADE me buy a game. =)
I'd like a few more two-player coop games like them, with a similar play mechanic but different settings, for once we get sick of medieval Asia. I think my wife likes playing together on the same team best -- we've bought Jeopardy and some other board game adaptations, and rented a couple of games she wanted like Harry Potter, but none have captured her fancy quite like DW.
"There are some people who, if they don't know, you can't tell 'em." - Louie Armstrong
In short, cue the, "Man, you don't know me!" à la trashy Springer-talk-show-style. heh. ;)
A relationship is about comprimises. Knowing what I can or can not get away with is vital. I know which battles to fight, which not to even bother mentioning, and which to sink back into my cave in defeat before they even start.
Funny thing is that it also applies in my job. Being a system analyst and project manager takes the same set of skills. Seeing things from someone else's view point, explaining your view point, and shopping for something better then what you have if it doesn't meet the basic needs.
In God we trust, all others require data.