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Large User Groups Cause Spontaneous Greying
tiny69 writes "According to Microsoft, a Person's hair turns grey if there are more than 500 users in a User Group. Supposedly, the grey hair does not affect the functionality of the User Group. Microsoft claims to have a solution to fix the problem. How many people do you know that have hair that has turned grey? This web site has a large collection of links to humorous Microsoft Knowledge Base articles."
My hair would turn grey too if I had to support 500 Windows users.
Actually, the humor value makes these far more useful than most Microsoft Knowledge Base articles....
Help save the critically endangered Blue Iguana
Obviously there are more than 500 users in the group trying to read the Knowledge Base Articles now.....
I'll start... I wonder if Microsoft has a Knowledge Base article regarding your server catching fire when you get linked from Slashdot?
Help I'm a rock.
His hair isn't gray. It's gone. Supporting Windows also causes baldness.
How many people do you know that have hair that has turned grey?
My granparents to start with, then a couple of old folks in the neighbourhood, and Harrison Ford too..
In other news, Linux gives you a bigger penis.
Myself, I like Calculator Does Not Reliably Subtract Two Numbers in Windows
Then what's the point of using a calculator in the first place?
The headings in the article are "Symptoms" and "Resolution". Why have they made out like this is a bug when it's just a feature?
"I get grey hair just thinking about Windows. Is that in the knowledge base?"
Are the grey hairs I got trying to make sound work in KDE in the Linux knowledgebase?
(Well I figure we might as well translate this joke to both sides.)
"Derp de derp."
Um, no, they're really not.
Sampling:
I like geeky humor as much as the next slashdot reader, but many of the "funny "articles aren't even remotely funny- many of them describe some unusual problem, and that's it.
There are a few gems(How to Read the Fucking Manual is amusing in that it's even there), but in general, they REALLY stretched the definition of "funny" on many of these submissions.
Please help metamoderate.
In Technology News Today, Microsoft has announced it's leaving the software industry and decided to use their programmers REAL tallent, Commedy!
We have decided to give back the technology sector to the Real Programers and venture into contenet driven comedy web sites, shoot we already have the Database....
Funny.com look OUT!!
-=Linsys=-
http://www.intrusionsec.com
It's because some browsers (like my Firefox) use google.com to search for the typo, and sure enough, www.microsoft.com is the first link if you search http in google.com.
If you enter "imoou" in the Firefox address field (without anything else, just imoou), you'll get redirected to the first link as if you search the same term in google.com.
Using Firefox 0.9.1: It looks like it does a Google search for "http" and sends you to the first result for "http", which is www.microsoft.com. Why that is, I don't know.
Great, a microsoft joke about grey hair and user groups.
Now we'll have to put up with all the linux fanboys sporting freshly died deep dark hair, claiming the latest kernal has made them young.
George Bush + Linux = "I will not let information get in the way of the fight against Windows"
The power of Christ compels thee! SATAN Causes High Memory Utilization in WUSER32
;) Barney Fun on Imagination Island Error Message: Barney Not Found
/windows? Erratic Behavior Occurs If You Create a "Desktop" Folder on the Desktop
Drr... Network Adapter Does Not Work if Unplugged
404
Thank god Mozilla remembers passwords Error Message: Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters and Cannot Repeat Any of Your Previous 30689 Passwords
!!! Explorapedia Nature: Earth Rotates in Wrong Direction
(insert your own quip here) Personalized Start Page Appears Upside Down and Backwards
After installing MS-DOS on a computer system with both MS-DOS and UNIX, your SCO UNIX login sign disappears. - no complaints here UNIX Login Sign Disappears After Installing MS-DOS
MS gets straight to the point Homepub Error Message: Something Is Missing...
Can you hear me now? WD2002: Text Is Typed by Office Assistant Sounds When Microphone Is Turned off or Unplugged
They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery Left Mouse Button Click Acts Like Right Mouse Button Click
Hunny I shrunk the kids part 4 MSB Human Body Minimizes When Printing To HP Deskjet
So what happens if you create a Windows folder in
You don't say... ACC2000: Opening and Closing a Form Hundreds of Times Noticeably Affects System Resources
Rim shot please... Julia Child Err Msg: Insufficient Memory to Function
Has happened to me before Plus! 98: Computer Hangs When You Start Lose Your Marbles
Douglas Adams couldn't top this "Object Not Found" Error Message Accessing "The Known Universe" in MMS
And an oil change... MSB Solar: ErrMsg: Magic School Bus Needs More Memory
Distributed proteome folding @ WorldCommunityGrid.org
Team Slashdot - Members:#1 Run Time:#1 Points:#1 Results:#1
Oddly enough, Konqueror gives me an error about the url, but Firefox does send me to microsoft.com Strange but true. Changing your default search engine might change the page you end up at.
You have to edit the freaking registry to change a simple icon's color?? How in the world do you expect the mythical "Joe Sixpack" to manage that? Every time you have a less-than-wizard user poke around in the registry you risk absolute ruin.
/etc. It seems much the same thing. I think trying to criticise Microsoft for something like this that's harmless is really streching it.
Neither this knowledge base article, no the registry, are there for 'Joe Sixpack'. Microsoft isn't expecting everyone to stop the icon from changing haircolor, and it's harly a 'bug' that's going to cause anyone problems.
Sure, poking around the registry can be dangerous, but so can poking around the files in
Other suggestions:
Hair stands on end if system under attack
Hair falls out if virus detected
Receeding hairline indicates time to patch the system
Punk green hairstyle means hacker detected
My rights don't need management.
Well, in Firefox, if you type in a URL without a domain (.com, .net, etc.), it will search Google and give you the top result. The top result for "http" is Microsoft.
It will do that for any gobbledegook you type in.
(gobbledegook will take you to startbusiness.co.uk)
Why would the mythical Joe Sixpack be managing a computer or domain with 500 users, and further, be bothered enough by the different icon color? A company with 500 windows users damn well better have an experienced windows tech.
It's probably there to help some poor geek in a fortune-500 whose PHB declares, "fix that" and makes him waste a week on it so the department looks busy.
Please help metamoderate.
Apparently some people think that MS-DOS never used the mouse for anything, or something like that. I remember lots of DOS programs that used the mouse, and one of the neat features of both the Windows and OS/2 DOS shells was that you could use the mouse in a shell without having to squeeze a mouse driver into the 640k + himem alloted the DOS session.
A lot of those links weren't funny at all, the only one that got me to laugh was a fake geocities page on the intricies of how to RTFM.
As many have pointed out, Microsoft has nothing to do with this. (Please remove foil hats before moderating, people -- they may block government mind scanners, but they also seem to prevent intelligent thought.) In Opera, it becomes http://www.http.com/www.ebay.com, which seems to be owned by SearchMachine.com (it's one of those stupid advertising sites masquerading as a portal or search engine.)
How can we continue to believe in a just universe and freedom to eat crackers if we have no ale?
Computer Randomly Plays Classical Music I don't know about you folks, but it would freak me out if my computer suddenly started playing classical music on it's own.
This article discusses how to install Red Hat Linux 6.2 on Microsoft Virtual PC 5 for Macintosh.
Talk about indecisive people.
Microsoft Knowledge Base Article - 12AFB02819B23
n ,Dammi t!
Attempted Debugging of Microsoft Products Causes Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling)
IMPORTANT: This article contains information about modifying the registry. Before you modify the registry, make sure you wear a helmet to avoid the obsessive-compulsive disorder-inducing effects of attempting to modify the registry.
SYMPTOMS
If a user attempts to debug a problem with certain Microsoft products, the user will become frustrated and pull all of his or her hair out. This issue affects operating systems, servers, workstations, networking components, application programs, user groups, end user support personnel, and the ability to get a date.
RESOLUTION
WARNING: If you use Registry Editor incorrectly, you may exacerbate the problem. Microsoft cannot guarantee that you will be able to regrow your hair either with the assistance of a psychiatrist or with Rogaine(TM). Use Registry Editor at your own risk.
Windows debugging is inherently frustrating and causes users, administrators, managers, and shareholders to pull all their hair out, sometimes with needlenose pliers.
You can override this behavior in the registry. To do so, modify the FormatHardDiskOnStartup REG_DWORD value in the following registry key:
HKCU\Software\Policies\Microsoft\Windows\Ru
The default value is 0x0; change this value to 0x1.
STATUS
Microsoft has confirmed that this is a problem in the Microsoft products that are listed at the end of this article.
WORKAROUND
It feels good when you stop. Also, try Hair Club for Men.
PRODUCTS AFFECTED
Windows 3.1
Windows 95
Windows 98
Windows ME
Windows NT
Windows 2000
Windows XP
Windows Server 2000
Windows Advanced Server 2000
Windows Server 2003
Windows Advanced Server 2003
Windows Media Player
Windows Update
Microsoft Word
Microsoft Excel
Microsoft Visio
Microsoft Flight Simulator
Microsoft Access
Microsoft SQL Server
Microsoft PowerPoint
Microsoft Visual Studio
Directly from Microsofts 'Knowledge' Database:
SYMPTOMS
When you start the Create Shortcut wizard, a temporary icon is created that you can copy, send to a folder, or to which you can create a shortcut. These temporary icons are empty or point to nothing
Resolution:
To resolve this issue, ignore the temporary icon.
haha
SYMPTOMS
Computer unresponsive or may present blue screen of death.
ResolutionL
To resolve this issue, ignore the blue screen, this is normal.
*DrugCheese rants*
SUMMARY
When you run Explorapedia and use the Exploratron to look at the Earth spinning, the Earth rotates in the wrong direction.
STATUS
Microsoft has confirmed this to be a problem in the World of Nature and not Explorapedia, version 1.0. Simply spin the Earth in the opposite direction, and then the direction indicated in the Exploratron will be correct.
Sometimes Barney starts playing Peekaboo on his own.
Some of these are amusing, but nothing beats Clarus the Dogcow of Apple fame. See for instance Apple technote TN1031:
h tm l
http://developer.apple.com/technotes/tn/tn1031.
Or the original, TN31 which Apple seems to have removed from their website recently.
Moof.
The icon hair color changes from dark to gray in order to indicate that the statuses aren't going to be queried in advance of the user wanting to see details on the group... it's not really an easter egg, it's a feature. Gray is the color in the computer world to indicate such inactive states, isn't it?
This is slashdot, where User Friendly is the shit. And about as funny, imo.
Go ahead, flamebate me- point is that a sense of humor is a highly relative thing- one man's OMFGWTFROTFLMAO!!!1 is another man's "man, I just wasted $minutes of my life on this shit."
Cases in point : Saturday Night Live and User Friendly.
Only one hemisphere of the planet Mercury has a bitmap surface. The other hemisphere is a smooth gray surface.
Their explanation: The planet textures used in Space Simulator are compiled from NASA photographs and reference material. The NASA data on Mercury is incomplete, covering only one hemisphere of the planet. One hemisphere was therefore intentionally left blank, reflecting this lack of data.
Well, how inconsiderate of them. They should have put THIS SIDE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK or something...
if the answer isn't violence, neither is your silence / freedom of expression doesn't make it alright
" The grey hair crowd is the fastest growing segment of the Internet."
Yet, still the slowest on the road... *sigh*
Seriously, get real for a minute - it's purely a convenience thing, not something intended to be a full-blown replacement for your HP-48 or whatever. People who need full-fledged scientific calculators probably already have one to begin with, and therefore just about nobody is going to care that you can't do arctans in the Windows calc. And the very few who do demand such things on their desktops can readily find more advanced calculators elsewhere.
ABSURDITY, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
1) This is a feature in Active Directory Users and Computers, not normally used by Joe Sixpack, to give administrators a quick and easy way to see which groups have a bunch of users in them.
2) Joe Sixpack, while he might be able to with Windows Server 2003, isn't likely to spend the time to deploy DDNS, Windows Server 2000 or 2003, configure Active Directory, and then add his closest 500 friends into a single group and then wonder why the icon for the group changed color.
3) Out of 1000 administrators who would even hit this and be aware enough to notice it, how many do you expect would be disturbed enough by this feature to want to dig in and turn it off? My guess is that it would be in the single digits.
DOS Shell was an early GUI for DOS. Why is it funny if your mouse dosen't work? And my mouse also works just fine on the freeBSD command line, so why not DOS?
This BIOS feature is pretty interesting. Does anyone know if any new motherboards and BIOS chips do this nowadays?
It's better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don't want and get it.
- E. Debs
I don't think many of these articles are meant to be funny (not that many of them are funny anyway). Some of them are completely valid issues that when read out of context seem funny. So leave MS alone on this one and have a go at the people who think they are funny.
I guess you didn't read the articles or else you would know that. I shouldn't be surprised really.
If I point out that you are incorrect, making me a foe does not make you any more correct.
And you can get square root without doing the x ^ 0.5 by using the "Inv" mode! Click inv and then do (x^2) -- presto! square root. Inv reverses the sense of most of the operations.
/. and all, but people really could RTFM once in a while. [Just right click a button, and select "What's this?".]
Also, there are (useful) keyboard shortcuts for all the functions, so sqrt is "i (inv) + @ (square root)".
I know that this is
Look on the top left of the calculator in scientific mode. There is an "inv" tickbox and a "hyp" one. To get arc-trig, tick the inv box, then click sin. Likewise, sinh can be performed by ticking hyp then pressing sin. Not the most obvious solution but not too bad either imho.
Yes -- that's why they called it a Pentium instead of an Intel 586; they added 100 to 486 and kept getting 585.913343251...
Do not mock my vision of impractical footwear
Why complain about hair turning grey. At least there is hope to change the color. Skin is kinda hard to turn back into hair.
I know I've spent less on hardware than you have because I get fine performance from less than "top-of-the-line" hardware. I have one machine that's better than 1GHz and nothing taxes me so much that I feel the need to use it more often than I use a well tuned 650 MHz Athlon slot machine that I bought five years ago. If you've been ISA free for six years, you threw away hardware that I did not have to.
My software also costs less, despite your educational discount. I pay nothing, $0, for Debian and all that it comes with. I'm happy to say that I give the Free Software Foundation $10/month, but two year of that is less than I paid for one educational discount compiler I bought before moving to Linux. "Top-of-the-line" commercial software is very expensive and M$ does very little without it.
If I really have some serious computing to do, I could probably convince the owners of Super Mike, an LSU Linux cluster, to give me some time. Linux does much better when it comes to submitting "serious work" to University computing services. It's more likely, however, that I'll just leave the process running on my own machines. They stay up long enough to do useful work.
Friends don't help friends install M$ junk.