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Large User Groups Cause Spontaneous Greying
tiny69 writes "According to Microsoft, a Person's hair turns grey if there are more than 500 users in a User Group. Supposedly, the grey hair does not affect the functionality of the User Group. Microsoft claims to have a solution to fix the problem. How many people do you know that have hair that has turned grey? This web site has a large collection of links to humorous Microsoft Knowledge Base articles."
My hair would turn grey too if I had to support 500 Windows users.
Actually, the humor value makes these far more useful than most Microsoft Knowledge Base articles....
Help save the critically endangered Blue Iguana
I'll start... I wonder if Microsoft has a Knowledge Base article regarding your server catching fire when you get linked from Slashdot?
Help I'm a rock.
His hair isn't gray. It's gone. Supporting Windows also causes baldness.
How many people do you know that have hair that has turned grey?
My granparents to start with, then a couple of old folks in the neighbourhood, and Harrison Ford too..
In other news, Linux gives you a bigger penis.
Myself, I like Calculator Does Not Reliably Subtract Two Numbers in Windows
Then what's the point of using a calculator in the first place?
Um, no, they're really not.
Sampling:
I like geeky humor as much as the next slashdot reader, but many of the "funny "articles aren't even remotely funny- many of them describe some unusual problem, and that's it.
There are a few gems(How to Read the Fucking Manual is amusing in that it's even there), but in general, they REALLY stretched the definition of "funny" on many of these submissions.
Please help metamoderate.
The power of Christ compels thee! SATAN Causes High Memory Utilization in WUSER32
;) Barney Fun on Imagination Island Error Message: Barney Not Found
/windows? Erratic Behavior Occurs If You Create a "Desktop" Folder on the Desktop
Drr... Network Adapter Does Not Work if Unplugged
404
Thank god Mozilla remembers passwords Error Message: Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters and Cannot Repeat Any of Your Previous 30689 Passwords
!!! Explorapedia Nature: Earth Rotates in Wrong Direction
(insert your own quip here) Personalized Start Page Appears Upside Down and Backwards
After installing MS-DOS on a computer system with both MS-DOS and UNIX, your SCO UNIX login sign disappears. - no complaints here UNIX Login Sign Disappears After Installing MS-DOS
MS gets straight to the point Homepub Error Message: Something Is Missing...
Can you hear me now? WD2002: Text Is Typed by Office Assistant Sounds When Microphone Is Turned off or Unplugged
They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery Left Mouse Button Click Acts Like Right Mouse Button Click
Hunny I shrunk the kids part 4 MSB Human Body Minimizes When Printing To HP Deskjet
So what happens if you create a Windows folder in
You don't say... ACC2000: Opening and Closing a Form Hundreds of Times Noticeably Affects System Resources
Rim shot please... Julia Child Err Msg: Insufficient Memory to Function
Has happened to me before Plus! 98: Computer Hangs When You Start Lose Your Marbles
Douglas Adams couldn't top this "Object Not Found" Error Message Accessing "The Known Universe" in MMS
And an oil change... MSB Solar: ErrMsg: Magic School Bus Needs More Memory
Distributed proteome folding @ WorldCommunityGrid.org
Team Slashdot - Members:#1 Run Time:#1 Points:#1 Results:#1
Other suggestions:
Hair stands on end if system under attack
Hair falls out if virus detected
Receeding hairline indicates time to patch the system
Punk green hairstyle means hacker detected
My rights don't need management.
Why would the mythical Joe Sixpack be managing a computer or domain with 500 users, and further, be bothered enough by the different icon color? A company with 500 windows users damn well better have an experienced windows tech.
It's probably there to help some poor geek in a fortune-500 whose PHB declares, "fix that" and makes him waste a week on it so the department looks busy.
Please help metamoderate.
Computer Randomly Plays Classical Music I don't know about you folks, but it would freak me out if my computer suddenly started playing classical music on it's own.
This article discusses how to install Red Hat Linux 6.2 on Microsoft Virtual PC 5 for Macintosh.
Talk about indecisive people.
Microsoft Knowledge Base Article - 12AFB02819B23
n ,Dammi t!
Attempted Debugging of Microsoft Products Causes Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling)
IMPORTANT: This article contains information about modifying the registry. Before you modify the registry, make sure you wear a helmet to avoid the obsessive-compulsive disorder-inducing effects of attempting to modify the registry.
SYMPTOMS
If a user attempts to debug a problem with certain Microsoft products, the user will become frustrated and pull all of his or her hair out. This issue affects operating systems, servers, workstations, networking components, application programs, user groups, end user support personnel, and the ability to get a date.
RESOLUTION
WARNING: If you use Registry Editor incorrectly, you may exacerbate the problem. Microsoft cannot guarantee that you will be able to regrow your hair either with the assistance of a psychiatrist or with Rogaine(TM). Use Registry Editor at your own risk.
Windows debugging is inherently frustrating and causes users, administrators, managers, and shareholders to pull all their hair out, sometimes with needlenose pliers.
You can override this behavior in the registry. To do so, modify the FormatHardDiskOnStartup REG_DWORD value in the following registry key:
HKCU\Software\Policies\Microsoft\Windows\Ru
The default value is 0x0; change this value to 0x1.
STATUS
Microsoft has confirmed that this is a problem in the Microsoft products that are listed at the end of this article.
WORKAROUND
It feels good when you stop. Also, try Hair Club for Men.
PRODUCTS AFFECTED
Windows 3.1
Windows 95
Windows 98
Windows ME
Windows NT
Windows 2000
Windows XP
Windows Server 2000
Windows Advanced Server 2000
Windows Server 2003
Windows Advanced Server 2003
Windows Media Player
Windows Update
Microsoft Word
Microsoft Excel
Microsoft Visio
Microsoft Flight Simulator
Microsoft Access
Microsoft SQL Server
Microsoft PowerPoint
Microsoft Visual Studio
Sometimes Barney starts playing Peekaboo on his own.
Some of these are amusing, but nothing beats Clarus the Dogcow of Apple fame. See for instance Apple technote TN1031:
h tm l
http://developer.apple.com/technotes/tn/tn1031.
Or the original, TN31 which Apple seems to have removed from their website recently.
Moof.
The icon hair color changes from dark to gray in order to indicate that the statuses aren't going to be queried in advance of the user wanting to see details on the group... it's not really an easter egg, it's a feature. Gray is the color in the computer world to indicate such inactive states, isn't it?
Only one hemisphere of the planet Mercury has a bitmap surface. The other hemisphere is a smooth gray surface.
Their explanation: The planet textures used in Space Simulator are compiled from NASA photographs and reference material. The NASA data on Mercury is incomplete, covering only one hemisphere of the planet. One hemisphere was therefore intentionally left blank, reflecting this lack of data.
Well, how inconsiderate of them. They should have put THIS SIDE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK or something...
if the answer isn't violence, neither is your silence / freedom of expression doesn't make it alright
Seriously, get real for a minute - it's purely a convenience thing, not something intended to be a full-blown replacement for your HP-48 or whatever. People who need full-fledged scientific calculators probably already have one to begin with, and therefore just about nobody is going to care that you can't do arctans in the Windows calc. And the very few who do demand such things on their desktops can readily find more advanced calculators elsewhere.
ABSURDITY, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Look on the top left of the calculator in scientific mode. There is an "inv" tickbox and a "hyp" one. To get arc-trig, tick the inv box, then click sin. Likewise, sinh can be performed by ticking hyp then pressing sin. Not the most obvious solution but not too bad either imho.