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Celebrity Casting For LOTR
Heaven help me, it got my head spinning. As a former denizen of that era, my own offerings would have to be:
Momma Cass as Shelob.
Teddy Kennedy as Faramir (before he ate enough to qualify as Shelob.)
Mick Jagger as Legolas (with a twist)
Frank Zappa as Gimli
William Shatner as Boromir
J. Edgar Hoover as Bilbo
As Merry and Pippin?..... The SmothersBrothers or Sonny&Cher
Jerry Garcia as the King of the Dead
Tiny Tim as Galadriel
Timothy Leary as Tom Bombadil (Though George Carlin could pull it off)
Wormtongue played by Attorney Gen. John Mitchell
Eric Idle as Eowyn the warrior-maid of Rohan (though Michael Palin is tempting)
James Brown as King of the Ents (singing "Ow! It's a man's world..." and "I knew that I wood.")
Meat Loaf as the Balrog (played with Marlowean angst, and once Moria with feeling.)
The undead Ring Wraiths must be led by Kieth Richards,... ...plus (at full Valkyrie volume) Martha Mitchell, Joni Mitchell, Nancy Reagan, Nancy Sinatra, Joan Baez, Joan Rivers, Donna Summers, Don Ameche and that Dy-no-mite guy.
Orcs: Mister T and... oh, let him play em all. And I pity the fool who resists.
Lorne Greene as Denethor the Steward of Gondor... (Richard Nixon turned down the part)
Werner Von Braun as Saruman (Sorry Jim M., but instead you can play Aragorn, son of Araplane)
My favorite:
L.Ron Hubbard as (who else?) the mysterious and secretive cult leader Elrond! (Which imitates? Life or fiction?)
... and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver...
Of course Leonard Nimoy would both direct and sing background, with a suitably elf-spockish cameo.
Gotta find a role for Goldie Hawn.
And Raquel, please, in that cave outfit, pretty please. Luan-n-n-na.
Ah, what days those were....
David Brin
(Scientist/author David Brin's novels, including Earth and The Postman (filmed in 1998), are translated in 20 languages. His non fiction book -- The Transparent Society - won the Freedom of Speech Award of the American Library Association. THE LIFE EATERS - a recent graphic novel - explores a chilling alternative outcome of World War II. His more serious ruminations about JRR Tolkien can be found at his site
Goatse as the Caverns of Moria?
Did Hemos accidentally post his drunken, 2-am emails on slashdot ??
Ghyslain Raza as Frodo Baggins?
What? I set my expectations too low?
It would be cool if it didn't suck.
here they are: you are a nerd.
FP BAY-BEE
Slashdot has run out of stories.
..... ...being cast for the LOTR!!
Submit something interesting you lazy sods!!
Me? I'm... I'm
May the Maths Be with you!
Come on guys, what the hell is this about?
...
Radagast.....
And Yoko Ono as Arwen
Have you Meta Moderated t
Stallman as Saruman: "One Freedom to rule them all."
THis isn't a new idea. My friends and I were casting an imaginary LOTR production back in the early seventies. I don't remember much of the lineup now, but I do recall that we (semi-seriously) discussed the idea of casting Bogart as Aragorn, Ingrid Bergman as Arwen, Peter Lorre as Gollum, and my favorite, Edward G. Robinson as Elrond ("Now look here, Gandalf, we gotta do something about this ring, see? Nyeah, Nyeah..."). Of course in those days we smoked a lot of things we shouldn't have...
How about Yoko Ono as Sauron? She could pull off being evil well enough... and she could do a chilling Voice of Sauron. Actually, that terrible shrieking would be just about perfect for that noise the Nazgul make, too.
This sig has been stolen. Return it to its original user for a reward.
Fellowship of the Ring
/.
Last I checked, most of the existing cast qualified as 'Celebrity' status...
First time I've seen retarded spam emails propegated through
From current events:
Condi Rice - Wormtongue (obvious choice)
Bush - Sauroman (trees being chopped down and burned in background to make weapons for preemptive war of global domination)
Cheny - Sauron (the evil power behind it all)
Wolfowitz - Gollum (My precious, I must have my precious Iraq)
Unfortunately, no one is available to cast for any of the heroes
They want their foot back.
My favorite:
L.Ron Hubbard as (who else?) the mysterious and secretive cult leader Elrond! (Which imitates? Life or fiction?)
Say anything even remotely negative about scientology and you will be paying legal fees for the rest of your life.
Technoli
WHAT Generation are we talking about?? My kids know who Eric Idle, Michael Palin, John Cleese, and Terry Gilliam (sp?) are, but that may be because we have Life of Brian and Monty Python and the Holy Grail (I won't even get into the entire set of Monty Python episodes on DVD). Then again, she says I corrupted them ;). George Carlin is best seen on his Live at Carnegie Hall video. Do you know what the significance of SPAM is??? Ah yes, older comedy was the best.... I kinda thought Gallagar and Tom Arnold would be good as Merry and Pippin...
Don
Don't fear the penguins
Absolutely the worst article to ever appear on Slashdot. This piece is transcendingly, gravity-bendingly horrible. Highlander 2 bad.
I suggest the government form a multi-billion dollar bi-partisan panel on how this article could have been prevented.
This article is so bad that Auntie Entity could run Barter Town off of it.
If this article were an 80's band, it would have been a collaboration band between Poison, Warrant and Bon Jovi.
This article is Ewoks, Jar-Jar, Kes, and Haley Joel Osment getting stabbed at the end all rolled together.
Okay, that's about all I've got.
If your bitterest enemies are people who hack the heads off civilians, then I would say you're doing something right.
And...
Agent Smith as Elrond.
Oh... wait...
I don't think so, because instead of a transition from "good" to "bad", it's more a transition form "bad" to "worse". As if the shark that was jumped went and jumped another shark.
Just be thankful Neil Gaiman didn't send Hemos his grocery list again. Or Lawrence Lessig could have sent Timothy an account of recent root canal surgery, and we'd be wading through that blow-by-blow.
"Stop The Presses!! Hold The Front Page!! Cringely has blogged an opinion as to whether bell-bottoms should come back in fashion!!"
..theres going to be a Lord of the Rings movie?!?
You insensitive clod!
SharkJumper
I want Christopher Walken to play everybody.
That's right - everybody! The Council of Elrond would be hilarious.