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Celebrity Casting For LOTR
Heaven help me, it got my head spinning. As a former denizen of that era, my own offerings would have to be:
Momma Cass as Shelob.
Teddy Kennedy as Faramir (before he ate enough to qualify as Shelob.)
Mick Jagger as Legolas (with a twist)
Frank Zappa as Gimli
William Shatner as Boromir
J. Edgar Hoover as Bilbo
As Merry and Pippin?..... The SmothersBrothers or Sonny&Cher
Jerry Garcia as the King of the Dead
Tiny Tim as Galadriel
Timothy Leary as Tom Bombadil (Though George Carlin could pull it off)
Wormtongue played by Attorney Gen. John Mitchell
Eric Idle as Eowyn the warrior-maid of Rohan (though Michael Palin is tempting)
James Brown as King of the Ents (singing "Ow! It's a man's world..." and "I knew that I wood.")
Meat Loaf as the Balrog (played with Marlowean angst, and once Moria with feeling.)
The undead Ring Wraiths must be led by Kieth Richards,... ...plus (at full Valkyrie volume) Martha Mitchell, Joni Mitchell, Nancy Reagan, Nancy Sinatra, Joan Baez, Joan Rivers, Donna Summers, Don Ameche and that Dy-no-mite guy.
Orcs: Mister T and... oh, let him play em all. And I pity the fool who resists.
Lorne Greene as Denethor the Steward of Gondor... (Richard Nixon turned down the part)
Werner Von Braun as Saruman (Sorry Jim M., but instead you can play Aragorn, son of Araplane)
My favorite:
L.Ron Hubbard as (who else?) the mysterious and secretive cult leader Elrond! (Which imitates? Life or fiction?)
... and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver...
Of course Leonard Nimoy would both direct and sing background, with a suitably elf-spockish cameo.
Gotta find a role for Goldie Hawn.
And Raquel, please, in that cave outfit, pretty please. Luan-n-n-na.
Ah, what days those were....
David Brin
(Scientist/author David Brin's novels, including Earth and The Postman (filmed in 1998), are translated in 20 languages. His non fiction book -- The Transparent Society - won the Freedom of Speech Award of the American Library Association. THE LIFE EATERS - a recent graphic novel - explores a chilling alternative outcome of World War II. His more serious ruminations about JRR Tolkien can be found at his site
What. The. Fuck.
Stuff that matters?? Right.. I must be new here..
Not sure why someone would put that they had anything to do with that movie on thier resume.
As for the book, I have always wondered why he put the sex scene in thier, it did not add anything to the story and broke up the rhythm of that portion of the story.
I thought I'd try to be the one.
If moderation could change anything, it would be illegal.
Big fuckin shocker there.... look at the site name/title again.
[ Don't reply to this ]
that Dy-no-mite guy = Jimmy "J.J." Walker Also famous for his role in Guyver as one of the bad guys in a bad movie (:
not to have seen any of the LOTR movies.
Gravity is not just a law, it's also a good idea.
That was quite Uplifting.
Jumping the shark jumped the shark when VH1 did a special on it.
Something tells me this has happened before
It would be cool if it didn't suck.
wonder where, in that news paradigm, "Tiny Tim as Galadriel" fits?
Submit something interesting you lazy sods!
You don't hate Jerry Mathers, do you....?
Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
Lance owns your race. Better luck next year.
Kent Brockman: "So I guess you could say, this barely qualifies as news. I'm Kent Brockman."
I wish that entire articles could be moderated, and if that was possible I should moderate this article as: Offtopic.
It was the same feeling when I read Zack Urlocker's Top 10 windows security functions at angrycoder.
but you aren't missing much.
"Dave, I stand still--the conclusions jump to me!" - Bill McNeal, NewsRadio
I'd rather know Slashdot is run by humans than some corporate machine. I'd rather see lame posts and dupes than crap that was run through a legal department first.
Welcome home.
The global economy is a great thing until you feel it locally.
Forwarded joke emails posted on a website is still funnier than seeing another post by michael.
SmashTech - No smashing of tech involved
Is slashdot hacked and used to spam all readers with books on sale from David Brin? History is being made.
/var/log/
This morning, check
.....as the drug dealer
who sold him the stuff he was smokin
when he wrote this.
"There is only a one in six billion chance that you actually exist"
A: Yes. Tolkien wanted to demonstrate that even the mentally and physically challenged were capable of success and that therefore we should love everyone, regardless of their defects.
Q: So who represents the mentally and physically challenged?
A: Well obviously the hobbits are the physically challenged ones here, but the central mentally challenged figure is Gandalf, responsible for the most horrible attack plan in literature.
Q: What's so horrible about a poorly armed team of two hobbits infiltrating Mordor?
A: Well, basically it ignores the fundamental strengths of the forces of light. Anyone who's played C&C or Warcraft knows that if you have an advantage in air units, you have to use it. Remember that elves can ride eagles, and that elven archers are incredibly potent - early on, Gimli dismounts a Nazgul with a single shot! With about a thousand eagles (given elven archers on each one), the forces of good would have matched up pretty well in the air against Mordor's air units: all nine of them. While the leader of the Nazgul cannot be killed by any living man, this does not prevent a team of twenty eagles from tearing him to little shreds, especially if Gandalf rode along for help. So basically an air battle would have been brief unmitigated slaughter of the Nazgul as about a thousand eagle-mounted elves blew them out of the sky in a hail of arrows.
Q: But I thought that there was some other book that said that the eagles wouldn't help?
A: We're not talking about some other stupid book here, we're talking about the Lord of the Rings. And in this book, the eagles most definitely help out, first by flying Gandalf off the tower and secondly by pitching into the Final Battle in full force, attacking ground units (stupid!) at great risk to themselves. So obviously they would have been content to take part in a brief airborne slaughter of the Nazgul.
Q: Ok so you defeat all Mordor's air units... then what?
A: Well with air superiority, you command the skies. Which means that you can fly right over Mount Doom and drop anything you want right in there... like a ring. Mordor only had nine airborne units, and with them out of the way Mordor has absolutely no way to prevent anyone from flying anywhere.
Q: But the ring would corrupt the eagles trying to drop the ring in, silly.
A: Actually, the ring can only corrupt those who touch it or those in the nearby area. This is a trivial mechanism to defeat. The first step is permanently bind the ring to a weak and helpless creature, like a rat. Second step is of course to put the rat on a long rope, so that the creature holding the rope is out of the sway of the ring. Then the eagle carrying the rope, having total air superiority, flies over Mount Doom and drops the rat in the volcano. An utterly trivial victory.
Q: Ok, so why the elaborately stupid attack plan? Why send the physical rejects as the only hope of mankind?
A: The lesson is that, though they succeed at great cost and great risk, they are still capable of success. This, of course, was the lesson of the Holocaust - that we should never feel so superior to the weak or inferior that we decide they have no place. Even idiot tacticians like Gandalf and weak, pathetic creatures like Hobbits can add some value here & there.
Q: Wait a minute. I just saw the movie, and there's this scene where they're like "this is the last stand of the Men of the West", and all the men of the west are white, and they face off in total war against Indians on Elephants and "black orcs" (er... maybe we just call them "blacks" for short) and the white Men of the West achieve a total genocidal victory. Doesn't that invalidate what you just said?
A: Well, um, no. That's all fine & good, but remember that in the Holocaust we were committing genocide against white people - which is bad. But I'm not sure Tolkien had a problem with what you describe above - as you said, it's in the book.
Q: So, basically, we as white western men should never discriminate against our leaders even if their tactics and strategy are totally flawed, because we are inherently good and will always prevail?
A: Exactly.
Why is it that the proponents of "one nation under God" are so eager to get rid of "liberty and justice for all"?
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Seriously. Spam, malware, idiots... they are all wasting enourmous amounts of bandwidth, and they are causing broadbands rates to go through the roof! STOP IT.
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