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Celebrity Casting For LOTR

Posted by Hemos on from the amusing-ideas dept.

David Brin recently sent me an amusing idea for celebrity casting for LOTR. He's got some good ones (below), but of course, feel free to add your own ideas to the comments. >>Hey, I'm watching a Tolkien bography right now and an interesting tid bit from it I'd like to share. The Beatles wanted to do a Lord of the Rings film. John was going to be Gollum, Paul-Frodo, Ringo-Samwise, and George was going to be Gandalf. By the time the Fab Four found a director the film rights had already been sold. Could have been interesting. What do you think, Jim Morrison as Saurman, Elvis as Bill the Pony?

Heaven help me, it got my head spinning. As a former denizen of that era, my own offerings would have to be:

Momma Cass as Shelob.

Teddy Kennedy as Faramir (before he ate enough to qualify as Shelob.)

Mick Jagger as Legolas (with a twist)

Frank Zappa as Gimli

William Shatner as Boromir

J. Edgar Hoover as Bilbo

As Merry and Pippin?..... The SmothersBrothers or Sonny&Cher

Jerry Garcia as the King of the Dead

Tiny Tim as Galadriel

Timothy Leary as Tom Bombadil (Though George Carlin could pull it off)

Wormtongue played by Attorney Gen. John Mitchell

Eric Idle as Eowyn the warrior-maid of Rohan (though Michael Palin is tempting)

James Brown as King of the Ents (singing "Ow! It's a man's world..." and "I knew that I wood.")

Meat Loaf as the Balrog (played with Marlowean angst, and once Moria with feeling.)

The undead Ring Wraiths must be led by Kieth Richards,... ...plus (at full Valkyrie volume) Martha Mitchell, Joni Mitchell, Nancy Reagan, Nancy Sinatra, Joan Baez, Joan Rivers, Donna Summers, Don Ameche and that Dy-no-mite guy.

Orcs: Mister T and... oh, let him play em all. And I pity the fool who resists.

Lorne Greene as Denethor the Steward of Gondor... (Richard Nixon turned down the part)

Werner Von Braun as Saruman (Sorry Jim M., but instead you can play Aragorn, son of Araplane)

My favorite:
L.Ron Hubbard as (who else?) the mysterious and secretive cult leader Elrond! (Which imitates? Life or fiction?)

... and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver...

Of course Leonard Nimoy would both direct and sing background, with a suitably elf-spockish cameo.
Gotta find a role for Goldie Hawn.
And Raquel, please, in that cave outfit, pretty please. Luan-n-n-na.
Ah, what days those were....

David Brin

(Scientist/author David Brin's novels, including Earth and The Postman (filmed in 1998), are translated in 20 languages. His non fiction book -- The Transparent Society - won the Freedom of Speech Award of the American Library Association. THE LIFE EATERS - a recent graphic novel - explores a chilling alternative outcome of World War II. His more serious ruminations about JRR Tolkien can be found at his site

17 of 338 comments (clear)

  1. Hmm... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Goatse as the Caverns of Moria?

    1. Re:Hmm... by hsoft · · Score: 5, Funny

      I would see him more as "The Eye". arg!

      --
      perception is reality
  2. huh?! by JaffaKREE · · Score: 5, Funny

    Did Hemos accidentally post his drunken, 2-am emails on slashdot ??

    1. Re:huh?! by lukewarmfusion · · Score: 5, Funny

      I get email forwards from Nigeria more entertaining than this.

    2. Re:huh?! by Blakey+Rat · · Score: 5, Insightful

      At the risk of getting my voice lost in the din, this is by far the *worst* thing Slashdot has ever posted. You'd think a professional novelist would be at least slightly funny, for instance, but this isn't even close. This makes User Friendly comics look like comedy gold. This trumps every horribly misspelled article about a mundane and common hardware hack with photos hosted on a home DSL connection for the last 2 years.

      This is fucking terrible.

      --
      Comment of the year
  3. feel free to add your own ideas to the comments by u-238 · · Score: 5, Funny

    here they are: you are a nerd.

    FP BAY-BEE

  4. um... by proj_2501 · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Slashdot just jumped the shark.

    1. Re:um... by alien_blueprint · · Score: 5, Interesting

      Jumped the shark? No, that was when Tom Christensen left publicly never to return in a post attached to a despicable comment for the story announcing the death of Richard Stevens. It was 1999. I can't seem to find it now, but it really was a low point.

      But I guess that just marks the point of no return for the /. "community", and this is the worst story ever.

      I wonder if David Brin even intended for this email to be made public - it's just not very good. I've certainly sent some emails in the past that, in hindsight, weren't really all that funny - it's just good for me that 1) I'm not famous, and 2) I never sent them to Hemos.

    2. Re:um... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Informative

      No, that was when Tom Christensen left publicly never to return in a post attached to a despicable comment for the story announcing the death of Richard Stevens. It was 1999. I can't seem to find it now, but it really was a low point.

      "Good bye, Rich. Good riddance, Slashdot."

    3. Re:um... by Barto · · Score: 5, Funny

      I don't think so, because instead of a transition from "good" to "bad", it's more a transition form "bad" to "worse". As if the shark that was jumped went and jumped another shark.

  5. My idea by signe · · Score: 5, Insightful


    My idea is that Slashdot editors should have to submit their own stories anonymously, and let them be reviewed and approved/denied by the other editors.

    -Todd

    --
    "The details of my life are quite inconsequential..."
  6. I think I speak for most when I say by cTbone · · Score: 5, Insightful

    wtf?

  7. File under dead websites? by rubberband · · Score: 5, Insightful

    This is sufficiently lame that I'm actually posting for once.

    There's slow news days where we end up with pretty random stuff over real news, which is ok. But what happened here? "Hmm.. not enough submissions to reject.. I know. I'll paste a lame random email to the front page. woo!"

    I vote for a trade in program: Accumulate sufficient mod points, and form a moderation lynch mob. Combine your points and moderate the whole story into oblivion?

    yeesh.

  8. Autmodded up? by JBMcB · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Anything Brin writes is automatically posted now? I'm from the same age, I get the casting choices, and I don't think it's funny. It's not that it's insulting or too crazy or anything, just not funny.

    --
    My Other Computer Is A Data General Nova III.
  9. Uhhh... The cast WAS made of celebrities by SkankhodBeeblebrox · · Score: 5, Funny

    Fellowship of the Ring

    Last I checked, most of the existing cast qualified as 'Celebrity' status...

    First time I've seen retarded spam emails propegated through /.

  10. Monty Python Called by Aggrazel · · Score: 5, Funny

    They want their foot back.

  11. And.. by Sheepdot · · Score: 5, Funny

    And...

    Agent Smith as Elrond.

    Oh... wait...