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Celebrity Casting For LOTR

Posted by Hemos on from the amusing-ideas dept.

David Brin recently sent me an amusing idea for celebrity casting for LOTR. He's got some good ones (below), but of course, feel free to add your own ideas to the comments. >>Hey, I'm watching a Tolkien bography right now and an interesting tid bit from it I'd like to share. The Beatles wanted to do a Lord of the Rings film. John was going to be Gollum, Paul-Frodo, Ringo-Samwise, and George was going to be Gandalf. By the time the Fab Four found a director the film rights had already been sold. Could have been interesting. What do you think, Jim Morrison as Saurman, Elvis as Bill the Pony?

Heaven help me, it got my head spinning. As a former denizen of that era, my own offerings would have to be:

Momma Cass as Shelob.

Teddy Kennedy as Faramir (before he ate enough to qualify as Shelob.)

Mick Jagger as Legolas (with a twist)

Frank Zappa as Gimli

William Shatner as Boromir

J. Edgar Hoover as Bilbo

As Merry and Pippin?..... The SmothersBrothers or Sonny&Cher

Jerry Garcia as the King of the Dead

Tiny Tim as Galadriel

Timothy Leary as Tom Bombadil (Though George Carlin could pull it off)

Wormtongue played by Attorney Gen. John Mitchell

Eric Idle as Eowyn the warrior-maid of Rohan (though Michael Palin is tempting)

James Brown as King of the Ents (singing "Ow! It's a man's world..." and "I knew that I wood.")

Meat Loaf as the Balrog (played with Marlowean angst, and once Moria with feeling.)

The undead Ring Wraiths must be led by Kieth Richards,... ...plus (at full Valkyrie volume) Martha Mitchell, Joni Mitchell, Nancy Reagan, Nancy Sinatra, Joan Baez, Joan Rivers, Donna Summers, Don Ameche and that Dy-no-mite guy.

Orcs: Mister T and... oh, let him play em all. And I pity the fool who resists.

Lorne Greene as Denethor the Steward of Gondor... (Richard Nixon turned down the part)

Werner Von Braun as Saruman (Sorry Jim M., but instead you can play Aragorn, son of Araplane)

My favorite:
L.Ron Hubbard as (who else?) the mysterious and secretive cult leader Elrond! (Which imitates? Life or fiction?)

... and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver...

Of course Leonard Nimoy would both direct and sing background, with a suitably elf-spockish cameo.
Gotta find a role for Goldie Hawn.
And Raquel, please, in that cave outfit, pretty please. Luan-n-n-na.
Ah, what days those were....

David Brin

(Scientist/author David Brin's novels, including Earth and The Postman (filmed in 1998), are translated in 20 languages. His non fiction book -- The Transparent Society - won the Freedom of Speech Award of the American Library Association. THE LIFE EATERS - a recent graphic novel - explores a chilling alternative outcome of World War II. His more serious ruminations about JRR Tolkien can be found at his site

34 of 338 comments (clear)

  1. Hmm... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Goatse as the Caverns of Moria?

    1. Re:Hmm... by hsoft · · Score: 5, Funny

      I would see him more as "The Eye". arg!

      --
      perception is reality
  2. huh?! by JaffaKREE · · Score: 5, Funny

    Did Hemos accidentally post his drunken, 2-am emails on slashdot ??

    1. Re:huh?! by lukewarmfusion · · Score: 5, Funny

      I get email forwards from Nigeria more entertaining than this.

    2. Re:huh?! by caseydk · · Score: 4, Insightful


      I'd love to know how many of the 14 year olds around here even know who most of those people are...

      Luckily there's Google.

    3. Re:huh?! by Blakey+Rat · · Score: 5, Insightful

      At the risk of getting my voice lost in the din, this is by far the *worst* thing Slashdot has ever posted. You'd think a professional novelist would be at least slightly funny, for instance, but this isn't even close. This makes User Friendly comics look like comedy gold. This trumps every horribly misspelled article about a mundane and common hardware hack with photos hosted on a home DSL connection for the last 2 years.

      This is fucking terrible.

      --
      Comment of the year
  3. feel free to add your own ideas to the comments by u-238 · · Score: 5, Funny

    here they are: you are a nerd.

    FP BAY-BEE

  4. It's Finally Happened by ObsessiveMathsFreak · · Score: 4, Funny

    Slashdot has run out of stories.

    Submit something interesting you lazy sods!!
    Me? I'm... I'm ..... ...being cast for the LOTR!!

    --
    May the Maths Be with you!
  5. um... by proj_2501 · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Slashdot just jumped the shark.

    1. Re:um... by alien_blueprint · · Score: 5, Interesting

      Jumped the shark? No, that was when Tom Christensen left publicly never to return in a post attached to a despicable comment for the story announcing the death of Richard Stevens. It was 1999. I can't seem to find it now, but it really was a low point.

      But I guess that just marks the point of no return for the /. "community", and this is the worst story ever.

      I wonder if David Brin even intended for this email to be made public - it's just not very good. I've certainly sent some emails in the past that, in hindsight, weren't really all that funny - it's just good for me that 1) I'm not famous, and 2) I never sent them to Hemos.

    2. Re:um... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Informative

      No, that was when Tom Christensen left publicly never to return in a post attached to a despicable comment for the story announcing the death of Richard Stevens. It was 1999. I can't seem to find it now, but it really was a low point.

      "Good bye, Rich. Good riddance, Slashdot."

    3. Re:um... by Barto · · Score: 5, Funny

      I don't think so, because instead of a transition from "good" to "bad", it's more a transition form "bad" to "worse". As if the shark that was jumped went and jumped another shark.

  6. My idea by signe · · Score: 5, Insightful


    My idea is that Slashdot editors should have to submit their own stories anonymously, and let them be reviewed and approved/denied by the other editors.

    -Todd

    --
    "The details of my life are quite inconsequential..."
  7. Then Billy Preston would have been by eltoyoboyo · · Score: 4, Funny

    Radagast.....

    And Yoko Ono as Arwen

    --
    Have you Meta Moderated t
  8. I think I speak for most when I say by cTbone · · Score: 5, Insightful

    wtf?

  9. Huh? by Otter · · Score: 4, Insightful
    A) We had this discussion here dozens of times -- five years ago!!!

    B) Given the unfamiliarity of most posters here with 1980's cultural references (in fact, frequently with 1990's coultural references), I hardly think references to John Mitchell are going to go over well.

    C) Naturally, no insufferable boomer nostalgia about the Most Important Time Ever would be complete without rampant errors, here in the relatively benign form of misspelling half the names...

    --
    What I'm listening to now on Pandora...
  10. GNU/LOTR by News+for+nerds · · Score: 4, Funny

    Stallman as Saruman: "One Freedom to rule them all."

  11. File under dead websites? by rubberband · · Score: 5, Insightful

    This is sufficiently lame that I'm actually posting for once.

    There's slow news days where we end up with pretty random stuff over real news, which is ok. But what happened here? "Hmm.. not enough submissions to reject.. I know. I'll paste a lame random email to the front page. woo!"

    I vote for a trade in program: Accumulate sufficient mod points, and form a moderation lynch mob. Combine your points and moderate the whole story into oblivion?

    yeesh.

  12. Autmodded up? by JBMcB · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Anything Brin writes is automatically posted now? I'm from the same age, I get the casting choices, and I don't think it's funny. It's not that it's insulting or too crazy or anything, just not funny.

    --
    My Other Computer Is A Data General Nova III.
  13. Crap by zyche · · Score: 3, Insightful

    This is probably the worst excuse for a Slashdot article I have ever seen...

  14. Uhhh... The cast WAS made of celebrities by SkankhodBeeblebrox · · Score: 5, Funny

    Fellowship of the Ring

    Last I checked, most of the existing cast qualified as 'Celebrity' status...

    First time I've seen retarded spam emails propegated through /.

  15. Safe, calm, noncontroversial nominations by rkayakr · · Score: 4, Funny

    From current events:

    Condi Rice - Wormtongue (obvious choice)
    Bush - Sauroman (trees being chopped down and burned in background to make weapons for preemptive war of global domination)
    Cheny - Sauron (the evil power behind it all)
    Wolfowitz - Gollum (My precious, I must have my precious Iraq)

    Unfortunately, no one is available to cast for any of the heroes

    1. Re:Safe, calm, noncontroversial nominations by forkboy · · Score: 4, Interesting

      Don't forget Colin Powell as Theoden, the one noble and courageous general who became taken over by the forces of evil.

      --
      This message brought to you by the Council of People Who Are Sick of Seeing More People.
  16. Found it! by CoffeeJedi · · Score: 4, Informative

    i just remembered where it was:

    http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/movie.htm

    --
    May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage. RAmen.
  17. 80's? by Pac · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Zappa, Jerry Garcia, Timothy Leary, Nancy Sinatra and Joan Baez are certainly 60's references. Donna Summer is 70's.

    J. Edgar Hoover, on the other hand, qualifys as a 20th century reference: he was there in the same spot from the end of First World War to the end of Hippie movement.

  18. Monty Python Called by Aggrazel · · Score: 5, Funny

    They want their foot back.

  19. Somebody's getting sued by Conspiracy_Of_Doves · · Score: 4, Funny

    My favorite:
    L.Ron Hubbard as (who else?) the mysterious and secretive cult leader Elrond! (Which imitates? Life or fiction?)

    Say anything even remotely negative about scientology and you will be paying legal fees for the rest of your life.

    --

    Technoli
  20. Re:Very appropriate cast by dasmegabyte · · Score: 4, Insightful

    No, we get it, we just didn't laugh at it. Know why? Because prospective casting jokes are only funny if they are a) topical and b) made before the movie comes out and is insanely successful. I mean, gah! The whole reason this joke is funny is because there's a chance that one or two of the folks mentioned might actually make it into the movie (Patrick Stewart used to be on a joke casting list for Professor X, for example). Since there's no way they're going to remake the LotR trilogy, this list isn't funny anymore. And come on, Mama Cass jokes? The poor woman has been dead for 30 years this Friday, and it wasn't that funny thirty years ago.

    I have no idea what this drivel is doing on Slashdot and feel the editors should be ashamed of themselves for including it. I certainly feel ashamed for RESPONDING to it.

    --
    Hey freaks: now you're ju
  21. News for Nerds. by Simon+Garlick · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Stuff that matters.

    --

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    PGP Key ID 0xCB8FF658
  22. Re:Very appropriate cast by OECD · · Score: 3, Interesting

    I certainly feel ashamed for RESPONDING to it.

    Don't feel ashamed--how are they going to know not to post lame pap unless the community provides feedback?

    Do meta-moderate, though. There's some very unfair modding going on in these comments (along with some very good modding.)

    --
    One man's -1 Flamebait is another man's +5 Funny.
  23. Re:It Fits by trashme · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Assuming it is worth a +5 Funny, since when are amusing comments worth posting on the front page?

  24. Need to encase this one in Lucite by CommieLib · · Score: 4, Funny

    Absolutely the worst article to ever appear on Slashdot. This piece is transcendingly, gravity-bendingly horrible. Highlander 2 bad.

    I suggest the government form a multi-billion dollar bi-partisan panel on how this article could have been prevented.

    This article is so bad that Auntie Entity could run Barter Town off of it.

    If this article were an 80's band, it would have been a collaboration band between Poison, Warrant and Bon Jovi.

    This article is Ewoks, Jar-Jar, Kes, and Haley Joel Osment getting stabbed at the end all rolled together.

    Okay, that's about all I've got.

    --
    If your bitterest enemies are people who hack the heads off civilians, then I would say you're doing something right.
  25. And.. by Sheepdot · · Score: 5, Funny

    And...

    Agent Smith as Elrond.

    Oh... wait...

  26. Could've Been Worse by RobotRunAmok · · Score: 4, Funny

    Just be thankful Neil Gaiman didn't send Hemos his grocery list again. Or Lawrence Lessig could have sent Timothy an account of recent root canal surgery, and we'd be wading through that blow-by-blow.

    "Stop The Presses!! Hold The Front Page!! Cringely has blogged an opinion as to whether bell-bottoms should come back in fashion!!"