Celebrity Casting For LOTR

David Brin recently sent me an amusing idea for celebrity casting for LOTR. He's got some good ones (below), but of course, feel free to add your own ideas to the comments. >>Hey, I'm watching a Tolkien bography right now and an interesting tid bit from it I'd like to share. The Beatles wanted to do a Lord of the Rings film. John was going to be Gollum, Paul-Frodo, Ringo-Samwise, and George was going to be Gandalf. By the time the Fab Four found a director the film rights had already been sold. Could have been interesting. What do you think, Jim Morrison as Saurman, Elvis as Bill the Pony?

Heaven help me, it got my head spinning. As a former denizen of that era, my own offerings would have to be:

Momma Cass as Shelob.

Teddy Kennedy as Faramir (before he ate enough to qualify as Shelob.)

Mick Jagger as Legolas (with a twist)

Frank Zappa as Gimli

William Shatner as Boromir

J. Edgar Hoover as Bilbo

As Merry and Pippin?..... The SmothersBrothers or Sonny&Cher

Jerry Garcia as the King of the Dead

Tiny Tim as Galadriel

Timothy Leary as Tom Bombadil (Though George Carlin could pull it off)

Wormtongue played by Attorney Gen. John Mitchell

Eric Idle as Eowyn the warrior-maid of Rohan (though Michael Palin is tempting)

James Brown as King of the Ents (singing "Ow! It's a man's world..." and "I knew that I wood.")

Meat Loaf as the Balrog (played with Marlowean angst, and once Moria with feeling.)

The undead Ring Wraiths must be led by Kieth Richards,... ...plus (at full Valkyrie volume) Martha Mitchell, Joni Mitchell, Nancy Reagan, Nancy Sinatra, Joan Baez, Joan Rivers, Donna Summers, Don Ameche and that Dy-no-mite guy.

Orcs: Mister T and... oh, let him play em all. And I pity the fool who resists.

Lorne Greene as Denethor the Steward of Gondor... (Richard Nixon turned down the part)

Werner Von Braun as Saruman (Sorry Jim M., but instead you can play Aragorn, son of Araplane)

My favorite:
L.Ron Hubbard as (who else?) the mysterious and secretive cult leader Elrond! (Which imitates? Life or fiction?)

... and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver...

Of course Leonard Nimoy would both direct and sing background, with a suitably elf-spockish cameo.
Gotta find a role for Goldie Hawn.
And Raquel, please, in that cave outfit, pretty please. Luan-n-n-na.
Ah, what days those were....

David Brin

(Scientist/author David Brin's novels, including Earth and The Postman (filmed in 1998), are translated in 20 languages. His non fiction book -- The Transparent Society - won the Freedom of Speech Award of the American Library Association. THE LIFE EATERS - a recent graphic novel - explores a chilling alternative outcome of World War II. His more serious ruminations about JRR Tolkien can be found at his site

Comments

Hmm...

[Anonymous Coward]

Goatse as the Caverns of Moria?

Re:Hmm...

[hsoft]

I would see him more as "The Eye". arg!

Re:Hmm...

[avgjoe62]

Northern New Jersey as Mount Doom?

Somehow, I always imagined Mount Doom as being a little less depressing...

huh?!

[JaffaKREE]

Did Hemos accidentally post his drunken, 2-am emails on slashdot ??

Re:huh?!

[lukewarmfusion]

I get email forwards from Nigeria more entertaining than this.

Re:huh?!

[caseydk]

I'd love to know how many of the 14 year olds around here even know who most of those people are...

Luckily there's Google.

Re:huh?!

[nomadic]

Did Hemos accidentally post his drunken, 2-am emails on slashdot ?? br

Of course not! Nothing accidental about it...

Re:huh?!

[Blakey Rat]

At the risk of getting my voice lost in the din, this is by far the *worst* thing Slashdot has ever posted. You'd think a professional novelist would be at least slightly funny, for instance, but this isn't even close. This makes User Friendly comics look like comedy gold. This trumps every horribly misspelled article about a mundane and common hardware hack with photos hosted on a home DSL connection for the last 2 years.

This is fucking terrible.

Re:huh?!

[phreakmonkey]

Luckily there's Google.

Not anymore, there isn't! {smirk}

How about...

[Zorilla]

Ghyslain Raza as Frodo Baggins?

What? I set my expectations too low?

feel free to add your own ideas to the comments

[u-238]

here they are: you are a nerd.

FP BAY-BEE

It's Finally Happened

[ObsessiveMathsFreak]

Slashdot has run out of stories.

Submit something interesting you lazy sods!!
Me? I'm... I'm ..... ...being cast for the LOTR!!

um...

[proj_2501]

Slashdot just jumped the shark.

Re:um...

[alien_blueprint]

Jumped the shark? No, that was when Tom Christensen left publicly never to return in a post attached to a despicable comment for the story announcing the death of Richard Stevens. It was 1999. I can't seem to find it now, but it really was a low point.

But I guess that just marks the point of no return for the /. "community", and this is the worst story ever.

I wonder if David Brin even intended for this email to be made public - it's just not very good. I've certainly sent some emails in the past that, in hindsight, weren't really all that funny - it's just good for me that 1) I'm not famous, and 2) I never sent them to Hemos.

Re:um...

[Anonymous Coward]

No, that was when Tom Christensen left publicly never to return in a post attached to a despicable comment for the story announcing the death of Richard Stevens. It was 1999. I can't seem to find it now, but it really was a low point.

"Good bye, Rich. Good riddance, Slashdot."

Re:um...

[Barto]

I don't think so, because instead of a transition from "good" to "bad", it's more a transition form "bad" to "worse". As if the shark that was jumped went and jumped another shark.

Re:um...

[mvdwege]

No, that was when Tom Christensen left publicly never to return [...]

Never?

Then why was he still posting after that incident?

Mart

My idea

[signe]

My idea is that Slashdot editors should have to submit their own stories anonymously, and let them be reviewed and approved/denied by the other editors.

-Todd

Then Billy Preston would have been

[eltoyoboyo]

Radagast.....

And Yoko Ono as Arwen

Re:Then Billy Preston would have been

[l4m3z0r]

Yoko as Arwen would imply that Yoko is good, but we all know that Yoko is the most evil creature to inhabit (middle)earth and as such should be Sauron. Foolish eltoyoboyo, she broke up the damn Beatles and you want to make her Arwen? Blasphemy.

I think I speak for most when I say

[cTbone]

wtf?

wow

[JaffaKREE]

15 comments and they all are synonymous with "WTF?"

Huh?

[Otter]

A) We had this discussion here dozens of times -- five years ago!!!

B) Given the unfamiliarity of most posters here with 1980's cultural references (in fact, frequently with 1990's coultural references), I hardly think references to John Mitchell are going to go over well.

C) Naturally, no insufferable boomer nostalgia about the Most Important Time Ever would be complete without rampant errors, here in the relatively benign form of misspelling half the names...

Re:Huh?

[plasticmillion]

B) Given the unfamiliarity of most posters here with 1980's cultural references (in fact, frequently with 1990's coultural references), I hardly think references to John Mitchell are going to go over well.

Couldn't agree more, particularly considering the aptness of the more modern equivalent:

Wormtongue = John Ashcroft

GNU/LOTR

[News for nerds]

Stallman as Saruman: "One Freedom to rule them all."

File under dead websites?

[rubberband]

This is sufficiently lame that I'm actually posting for once.

There's slow news days where we end up with pretty random stuff over real news, which is ok. But what happened here? "Hmm.. not enough submissions to reject.. I know. I'll paste a lame random email to the front page. woo!"

I vote for a trade in program: Accumulate sufficient mod points, and form a moderation lynch mob. Combine your points and moderate the whole story into oblivion?

yeesh.

Re:File under dead websites?

[TyfStar]

No kidding. If we can mod people comments, why can't we mod the story? If enough people vote it into negative points,the story gets wiped off the face of the earth. If we can't find it in google, it never existed. ~*~

Autmodded up?

[JBMcB]

Anything Brin writes is automatically posted now? I'm from the same age, I get the casting choices, and I don't think it's funny. It's not that it's insulting or too crazy or anything, just not funny.

Crap

[zyche]

This is probably the worst excuse for a Slashdot article I have ever seen...

LOTR as film noir?

[prince hal]

THis isn't a new idea. My friends and I were casting an imaginary LOTR production back in the early seventies. I don't remember much of the lineup now, but I do recall that we (semi-seriously) discussed the idea of casting Bogart as Aragorn, Ingrid Bergman as Arwen, Peter Lorre as Gollum, and my favorite, Edward G. Robinson as Elrond ("Now look here, Gandalf, we gotta do something about this ring, see? Nyeah, Nyeah..."). Of course in those days we smoked a lot of things we shouldn't have...

Re:/.'s vie for 'private' LOTR production casting

[bfree]

Hmm, could someone start a public project to create a LOTR film or would copyright prevent a Free project? I'm thinking a project where people contribute footage, models, scripts, audio, edits or just rendering time. Simultaneously it could build a cg and live version of the film, both continuously evolving and without any canonical versions (so people can include/exclude Bombadil et al in their own cuts. I imagine it would be a very long time before any sort of film would appear from such a project which would be to any sort of broadcast standards, but it could also provide an mountain of material as the basis for Free games/multi-user environments etc. If it ever did manage to finish a film, it would probably have half a dozen shortly afterwards, both different styled versions of the same, and even "spin-off" films ("The Hobbit", "The Council of Elrond" or "Gollum's Tale").

Uhhh... The cast WAS made of celebrities

[SkankhodBeeblebrox]

Fellowship of the Ring

Last I checked, most of the existing cast qualified as 'Celebrity' status...

First time I've seen retarded spam emails propegated through /.

Safe, calm, noncontroversial nominations

[rkayakr]

From current events:

Condi Rice - Wormtongue (obvious choice)
Bush - Sauroman (trees being chopped down and burned in background to make weapons for preemptive war of global domination)
Cheny - Sauron (the evil power behind it all)
Wolfowitz - Gollum (My precious, I must have my precious Iraq)

Unfortunately, no one is available to cast for any of the heroes

Re:Safe, calm, noncontroversial nominations

[forkboy]

Don't forget Colin Powell as Theoden, the one noble and courageous general who became taken over by the forces of evil.

Re:Safe, calm, noncontroversial nominations

[petra13]

In this case, Nader would be a reasonable steward of Gondor... seeing as he could potentially tip the scales in favor of the bad guys.

Re:Safe, calm, noncontroversial nominations

[Dachannien]

Don't forget Hillary Clinton as Lobelia Sackville-Baggins.

Found it!

[CoffeeJedi]

i just remembered where it was:

http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/movie.htm

80's?

[Pac]

Zappa, Jerry Garcia, Timothy Leary, Nancy Sinatra and Joan Baez are certainly 60's references. Donna Summer is 70's.

J. Edgar Hoover, on the other hand, qualifys as a 20th century reference: he was there in the same spot from the end of First World War to the end of Hippie movement.

Monty Python Called

[Aggrazel]

They want their foot back.

Re:Monty Python Called

[AxB_teeth]

Dear God,

Why do mod points have to stop at five?

Amen.

Somebody's getting sued

[Conspiracy_Of_Doves]

My favorite:
L.Ron Hubbard as (who else?) the mysterious and secretive cult leader Elrond! (Which imitates? Life or fiction?)

Say anything even remotely negative about scientology and you will be paying legal fees for the rest of your life.

Re:Very appropriate cast

[dasmegabyte]

No, we get it, we just didn't laugh at it. Know why? Because prospective casting jokes are only funny if they are a) topical and b) made before the movie comes out and is insanely successful. I mean, gah! The whole reason this joke is funny is because there's a chance that one or two of the folks mentioned might actually make it into the movie (Patrick Stewart used to be on a joke casting list for Professor X, for example). Since there's no way they're going to remake the LotR trilogy, this list isn't funny anymore. And come on, Mama Cass jokes? The poor woman has been dead for 30 years this Friday, and it wasn't that funny thirty years ago.

I have no idea what this drivel is doing on Slashdot and feel the editors should be ashamed of themselves for including it. I certainly feel ashamed for RESPONDING to it.

Re:The Postman (filmed in 1998)

[First Person]

I noticed something one day: lack of sex in Sci-Fi. This makes no sense since (1) most sci-fi viewers are guys and (2) they are generally sexually starved geeks.

While I concur with your reasoning, there might be a third possibility. Many authors work to create characters set apart from the rest of humanity - often superior in many ways. Maybe sex is impossible for many sci-fi protagonists?

*sobs*

[jacksonj04]

This is what SlashDot has been reduced to? Can we implement a bayesian article filter please?

News for Nerds.

[Simon Garlick]

Stuff that matters.

Re:Generational Gap

[ddusza]

WHAT Generation are we talking about?? My kids know who Eric Idle, Michael Palin, John Cleese, and Terry Gilliam (sp?) are, but that may be because we have Life of Brian and Monty Python and the Holy Grail (I won't even get into the entire set of Monty Python episodes on DVD). Then again, she says I corrupted them ;). George Carlin is best seen on his Live at Carnegie Hall video. Do you know what the significance of SPAM is??? Ah yes, older comedy was the best.... I kinda thought Gallagar and Tom Arnold would be good as Merry and Pippin... Don

Re:Very appropriate cast

[OECD]

I certainly feel ashamed for RESPONDING to it.

Don't feel ashamed--how are they going to know not to post lame pap unless the community provides feedback?

Do meta-moderate, though. There's some very unfair modding going on in these comments (along with some very good modding.)

Re:It Fits

[trashme]

Assuming it is worth a +5 Funny, since when are amusing comments worth posting on the front page?

Need to encase this one in Lucite

[CommieLib]

Absolutely the worst article to ever appear on Slashdot. This piece is transcendingly, gravity-bendingly horrible. Highlander 2 bad.

I suggest the government form a multi-billion dollar bi-partisan panel on how this article could have been prevented.

This article is so bad that Auntie Entity could run Barter Town off of it.

If this article were an 80's band, it would have been a collaboration band between Poison, Warrant and Bon Jovi.

This article is Ewoks, Jar-Jar, Kes, and Haley Joel Osment getting stabbed at the end all rolled together.

Okay, that's about all I've got.

And..

[Sheepdot]

And...

Agent Smith as Elrond.

Oh... wait...

Re:/.'s vie for 'private' LOTR production casting

[bfree]

I realise this, that's why it would take a long time, and also produce multiple films! Continuity would be appalling for a very long time (the pure cg would have it easier), but over time people would be able to cut parts together (it would be one way for a budding editor to show how creative they can be). Also note that I certainly wasn't talking about shooting on film! The actors changing from scene to scene would be a nightmare unless of course you don't show the "wrong" actors, and use the dialog from the right ones :-) Over time I would imagine some interesting works would come out, just look what people did with the Star Wars Kid.

Re:Um, I don't know if you've noticed Hemos...

[jcenters]

Math isn't exactly my strong point, but I know what doesn't add up.

Starting Score:
1 point

Moderation

-1

Total Score:

0

Amazing how a karma bonus mysteriously vanishes when you criticize a /. editor. Sorry Hemos, but this story is pure crap.

Could've Been Worse

[RobotRunAmok]

Just be thankful Neil Gaiman didn't send Hemos his grocery list again. Or Lawrence Lessig could have sent Timothy an account of recent root canal surgery, and we'd be wading through that blow-by-blow.

"Stop The Presses!! Hold The Front Page!! Cringely has blogged an opinion as to whether bell-bottoms should come back in fashion!!"

Re:WU TANG

[Gilmoure]

2 - The movie is made, was damn near perfect

Snort, cough! Gah! I'm saving up for a new computer just so I can do a phantom edit on this sucka'. Denethor was hardly a warrior with his spirit broken inside, just a slob. Theoden was never shown attaining his glory, and Aragorn had more issues than Woody Allen. What a fucking whine-fest it was. There will be some changes. Oh, yes, changes...

You're not that new here...

[Pac]

Although your user id is an order of magnitude greater than mine, it is still quite old - I would have an enormous difficult to choose the "worst" story Slashdot ever posted, but there were quite a few worst than this one. This is just a harmless joke, Slashdot has on occasion posted "news" later proved wrong or false that caused real harm to real people for a time (the many false GPL breaches accusations come to mind).

Two words

[Xenophon Fenderson,]

Jon Katz

Wait a minute...

[Mr.Zong]

..theres going to be a Lord of the Rings movie?!?

Hey!

[SharkJumper]

You insensitive clod!

SharkJumper

wtf?

[Temsi]

How do I moderate an original post as Off-Topic?

I know the subtitle is "news for nerds" but this is stretching it.

What's next? The 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon getting posted every time it can be linked to LOTR or some other nerdfest?

I was just talking about this recently -

[Discoflamingo13]

I want Christopher Walken to play everybody.

That's right - everybody! The Council of Elrond would be hilarious.