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System Administrator Appreciation Day
rmadmin writes "Yes, it's that time of year again! Today is the 5th annual Systems Administrator Appreciation Day! Show us admin's how much you love us. (Otherwise we may just walk out, It's been a long day) Happy Systems Administrator Day!" If any of the OSTG netops staff are reading this, thanks again for all your help in recent weeks.
It's about time we see appreciation other than the shrines to bad users and other system sacrifices.
End the FUD
You guys rock! Hats off to you!
btw, can i have root access now?
Does this mean I'm allowed to drink on the job today?
Yeahhhh, Hi there, so uh, SysAdmin Appreciation Day, huh? That's just great. Great... Yeah. Listen, the VP of Finance just called me, and his daughter's laptop is giving her some weird message, could you get that fixed today at lunch? Yeah.. that would be great, thanks.
A holiday for the rest-iv-us! Yay!
Method of processing duck feet
The required list for today:
Getting the most from your IT department
1. When you call us to have your computer moved or fixed, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
3. When an IT person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 user passwords.
4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
6. When IT support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
7. When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
8. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
9. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it. Ditto for the microwave, timeclock, and coffee maker. Hell, if it plugs in, we're probably in charge of it anyway.
10. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
11. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.
12. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
13. When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
14. When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?". That motivates us.
15. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
16. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
17. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".
18. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
19. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 40lb of computer sitting on top of them.
20. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
21. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
22. When you find an IT person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway.
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When you can't find someone in the government directory, call IT Support.
26. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call IT Support. We love to hack.
27. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of h
"What do you despise? By this are you truly known." --Princess Irulan, Manual of Muad'Dib
/)
Signed: your colleagues from the US office you administer.
"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" - Ogden Nash
Sysadmins are Internet plumbers!
oh dear god, please never let me see any sysadmin's buttcrack.
The system administrator at my school banned me from the computer system for a year because I crashed his server. I don't feel like honoring him.
Why am I now expecting to see a string of, "what's your number?" posts?
Best way to show your appreciation to your Sys Admins is making sure their websites get /.ed
Under the guise of appreciating my sysadmin, I emailed him this morning to notify him that our Exchange server had crashed again.
Fortunately, he's taken his own appreciation to heart and is on vacation until the 9th of August. I guess hearing back from my new Nigerian friend will have to wait a few weeks!
God bless you!!
Sys Admins. Bunch of overweight, bespectacled idiots. All they do is waste time and money. A monkey could do their job. Honestly, everyday, talking about new distro-this, Farscape-that, get a damn life. No, get a treadmill. You've got no power over me. What a-+|... NO CARRIER
Small potatoes make the steak look bigger.
"The printers aren't working!" ."
"I went searching on the internet and I'm getting popups!"
"Why can't you convert that scanned image to text?"
"I spilled water on my keyboard"
"I spilled Pepsi all over my $300 phone"
"My mouse isn't working... (replace it three times, notice water on the keyboard). That shouldn't have broken it."
"My computer that sits in a telnet shell all day isn't fast enough for me to look for new houses
"Why can't I spend all day on Pogo games?"
"I don't care how important that server install or network install is, my mouse is dirty, and it's not rolling smoothly!"
"I still can't print!"
"The laser printer is always jammed in the corner and covered with paper, thereby not allowing it to breathe and frying every six months because I like to put my newspaper on this side of my desk. Why do you ask?"
Why can't I use Wordperfect anymore. I don't like Word."
Ad Nausea....
I'll appreciate the /. admins much more, but I can forgive for now and say thanks
"Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change."
How about:
1. "Sewage Workers Appreciation Day" - the fine men and women who recycle our shit surely deserve a special day of their own.
2. "Road Kill Removers Appreciation Day" - Ditto
3. "Crime and Accident Scene Cleaners Appreciation Day" - Double ditto.
4. "Proctologists and Gynecologists for the Morbidly Obese Appreciation Day" - Triple ditto.
Neopets - the best free game on the Int
Because you project your desperation onto other slashdotters?
The content you are trying to request is not available.
-- dieman - Scott Dier
Why am I now expecting to see a string of, "what's your number?" posts?
733967, of course. Can't you read?
KFG
Hey Mr 5y5admin, can you gue55 what'5 wrong with your po5t?
My brain hurts ...
I hear there's rumors on the Slashdots
How can you mention the thinkgeek sysadmin section - and not mention their sysadmin pageant?!?
BlackNova Traders
We just slashdotted your site.
Happy System Administrator Day! from the gang at slashdot.
So remember to have everyone sign a nice card and send it off to India.
If you dont show your appreciation to your System Admins, then the terrorists have already won.
Dear Self, Happy SysAdmin Day. Love, Self.
He was cranky, wasn't overweght, and he never wanted to help. He was a contractor, making about $70/hour +/-. Anyway, the joke was, "if you needed help, get out your knee pads and KJ". Really! It wasn't frivolous shit either! It was access rights and things like that. We got to the point where we were trying to hack the system so that we wouldn't have to deal with him!
Hey bud, I installed Linux as a present for you. No more worms! Great, huh?
[1 day later]
Hey bud, how do I set up dual monitors?
[1 hour later]
Hey bud, how do I change the refresh rate? They're stuck at 60.
[30 minutes later]
Hey bud, how do I get Quake running on this thing? I know, I know.. I just need to make sure my 3D card is working even though nothing during my work day even touches the 3D card.
[10 minutes later]
Hey bud, on Windows I could change my mouse cursor to a Tweety Bird, how do I do that on Linux?
[another 10 minutes later]
Hey bud, OpenOffice doesn't support this ActiveX control I need for my presentation, how do I fix this?
[1 minute later]
Whaddya mean you're putting Windows back on it? I switched just for you, man!
"Derp de derp."
The Poor Underpaid Intern Who Fixes All The System Administrator's Mistakes Appreciation Day
Need help treating your acne? Come here!
You can have Guinness any day. Today is a special day...
Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters for all!
"If any of the OSTG netops staff are reading this, thanks again for all your help in recent weeks."
Don't you mean:
"If any of the OSTG netops staff are reading this, GET BACK TO WORK YOU LAZY BASTARDS!"
Kidding of course... nice work fellas.
Well, we could combine days... "Bring your hot 18-year old daughter to work to appreciate your sysadmin day" sounds like a good way to start. *grin*
home
...because SOME people treat me like one for PHP/MySQL over AIM. It's like someone put my AIM & MSN names up on php.net labelled "24/7 newbie tech support". These are REAL QUOTES of things people have said to me!
...
...
"I have the following error: 'Parse error: parse error, unexpected T_ECHO, expecting ',' or ';' in whatever.php on line 2', but line 2 looks fine! PLEASE HELP!"
"You missed a semi-colon on line 1."
"It says line 2, not line 1, that can't be the problem."
"Believe me, it is."
"Okay, so which one is the semi-colon again? is that the one next to P?"
*BLOCKED*
"Can I use a 'switch' statement for when I want a variable to be changed if a certain condition is true?"
"Why not use an 'if' statement?"
"Yeah, I was thinking about that, but I don't feel like writing one of those right now, can you write one for me?"
*BLOCKED*
"I am getting a 'Parse error', but I don't even know what a 'parse' is!"
*BLOCKED*
"Now I got this problem! 'Parse error: parse error, unexpected ',' in whatever.php on line 1', HELP!"
[I look at code and find:
echo($var1,$var2,$var3);]
"Don't take this the wrong way, but have you actually read a book on PHP, or even at least read a 'beginning PHP' guide on the Internet?"
"They make those?!?!?"
*BLOCKED*
Really, truly, I do appreciate SysAdmins, because they have to deal with these problems, but with stupider people. They don't have the comfort of a nice shiny "block" button that I have.
Happy System Administrators Day!
PS: Does anyone know if there is a block limit for AIM & MSN? I hope not...
*clickety click click*
Hmm... you don't seem to even have an account on this system...
Happy sysadmins day indeed.
1. We are asocial nerds. Please don't personalise your machine. It confuses us.
2. We are incapable of replicating any bugs you produce. sorry.
3. If you are unable to do any work, please stare at your screen until the admin gets round to stopping by. DO NOT get a coffee. We'll be there within an hour.
4. The admin is incapable of engaging in discussion to diagnose problems. Please remember to diagnose your problem yourself before telling the admin.
6. All our admin emails are sent as high importance. We think we're important people, and you really need to know everything we send you no matter how trivial it may seem to you.
7. IT people are unable to leave their computers for more than 3 minutes at a time. Please take this into consideration when you think they're working.
8. Admins left school before they were taught upper case letters. Please use lower case.
9. Warning, admins can only administer one type of equipment. They are also unable to direct you to the admins who deal with other equipment.
10. Admins can be called even if you don't have a working phone line. Try it sometime.
11. Admin people have no idea what the company policy is on disposal of computer equipment, and have no interest in finding out.
12. If an admin person asks you to bring your computer to them, and they aren't there, please lug it back to your desk and try again later. Don't assume they will remember asking you to bring it to them.
13. Remember, admin believe anything you say is wrong..
14. The admin will be there shortly. The last 50 times were just an anomoly.
15. If at first you don't succeed, give up.
16. And don't try innivatinve solutions
17. We expect you to be able to handle our specialism as well as your own. It's important to know that RS-232 and RS-343 are totally differnt.
18. Please use online help. Admins believe it actually helps.
19. The mouse cable cannot handle the same loads as most other cables.
20. Eating at your desk is a privilege only afforded to admins.
21. All messages are important. You must stop working and meditate on the significance of the error box that asked you to confirm every single action you perform.
22. IT people are most likely to be engaged in personal business at work. Please remmebr this is moreimportant than what they get paid for.
23. The admin's work is more important than yours.
24. Please learn to do the admins job for him.
25. IT people do not deal with IT problems. Sorry.
26. IT people, dispite claiming to have lots of skill are unable to find the person with a spare key.
27. Admin are unable to come and fix a problem. They are welded to their computers.
28. Even though we give you lots of email space, please don't use it.
29. We can't be bothered supplying sufficient resources for printing.
30. IT people have no sense of irony. Please don't make jokes.
31. Only IT people are entitled to send mundane information to everybody.
32. IT people have no interest in the field they've dedicated their life to. If you meet them in a social context, try to engage them in discussions about historic Welsh sculpture.
33. Admin people can't put name labels on computers.
34. Please supply documentation. We are unable to use the handy wizards to work out what your hardware is.
35. Even though we have been rude and downright insulting towards you, we expect you to be polite and courteous to us.
I had my file tree up and decorated on System Administrator Appreciation Day Eve. ;)
Yep, I knew it. This supposed "Appreciation Day" is just another BOFH excuse to delay or deny service.
I pity the foo that isn't metasyntactic
I don't need a holiday for this. Whenever I want to be appreciated I just randomly unplug cables from the switches, "troubleshoot" it for an hour, then plug everyone back in and magically solve the problem. Suddenly I'm everyone's hero. :)
"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine." -- RFC 1925
ie. Sysadmins look cute and Cuddly, but if you disturb them when they are sleeping or eating, they'll tear the skin off your face?
Norman Cook's Ode to Sl
You should have told me that years ago.
Signed,
Mr. Goatse
That's why we walk quietly and carry a big lart.
Whenever you read this sig someone's refrigerator light turns on.