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What's the Worst Movie You've Ever Seen?
prostoalex asks: "A recent Ask Yahoo! article talks about the worst movies ever made and points out this IMDB list of the bottom rankings. The Ask Yahoo! article names Manos The Hands of Fate the worst one, but apparently the IMDB table changed since then to include The Wild World of Batwoman at the top of the list. What would you consider the worst movie ever made? Perhaps anything listed here would also make the list?"
Goatse.cx: The Movie - Tagline: Opening Soon Near You
Gigli.
Frink: Nice try floyd, but you were designed for scrubbing, and scrubbing is what you shall do.
...was, of course, "Titanic". Not just the worst *movie* I've seen, but the worst *three hours* of my life. Dental surgery is a lot more fun, for example.
:-(.
Then I clicked the link for top gross...
Buy Text Processing in Python
The Bush/Gore election in 2000...
et les Shadoks pompaient...
Please cease and desist with your criticism of Battlefield Earth. This movie, based on a book by L. Ron Hubbard, is a masterpiece AND a true story. It also stars one of the two best actors of all time John Travolta. (The other actor is Tom Cruise.)
Thank you,
Scientology Lawyer #783 - Alien Name: X'narl'anguna
It lacks in every category imaginable: overdone, boring, drawn out fights, CG that makes "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys" look good, pointless character cameos, and the worst performance in the history of film by Brian Thompson as Shao Khan.
"Foolish... [searches for line he forgot mid-sentence] child! [Looks back at production crew, checking if they're going to cut or not] You sorely test my patience!"
or
"The Earth was created in six days! So tooooo, shall it be destroooooyed!!"
Have we finally come to the point where we must Ask Slashdot to Ask Yahoo?
Have a look at the IMDB bottom 100 and search for "police".
The acting was horrible, there was almost no plot, and there was a ton of nudity. I could only watch it for a few minutes.
Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity is the worst movie ever.
It has all the plot and character development of pornography plus all the sex and nudity of the 700 Club.
-Dave
But...it is an awful lot of fun to use the lines in everyday conversations. For example: yesterday, someone came up to me and asked if I could tell them how to retrieve a file from backups.
My reply: "A man animal learning how to retreive a file from backups?!? Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" And then I swished around my dreadlocks, put my six-fingered hands on my hips, stood proudly in my three-foot stilts^Walien boots, threw my head back and laughed some more.
Hours of entertainment, I tells ya...
Carousel is a lie!
Mod parent up.
/. history that a post about this movie is NOT off topic.
This is the first time in
Some moderators.
I think the line "I think he's going to pork her dad!" made the whole movie worth it :)
Here we see the importance of punctuation. The actual line was "I think he's going to pork her, dad!". By leaving out the comma, you're giving the wrong impression to people who haven't seen the movie.
You might want to give me a little warning before you plan your "killer evening" with me, though. I don't have any beer at the moment, so I suggest bringing your own. Thanks in advance!
You must be British to make that kind of understatement.
d er/skin/anally abuse-every-motherfucker-who-had-a-part-in-the-cre ation-of-it-just-to-get-that-chunk-of-my-life-back genital wart on the vulva of humanity.
What it actually was was a radioactive lump of dogshit, a sucking black hole from which no entertainment can pass the shit horizon, a words-fail-to-capture-how-happy-I-would-be-to-mur
where is the "I feel for ya, but that's some funny ass shit" moderation?
Neo and Trinity are plainly disgusting.
I'd even prefer watching farenheid 1/99 from that fat buddy Mike More than watchinn Matrix evar again.
gnetoo rul0rx
Yup. Anytime I see a terrible movie, I try to compare it to Plan 9. None even come close. The level of mastery of awful movie production shown in this movie is unbelievable. Recently, I got it on DVD for my kids to see, since they didn't believe me that it was incontrovertibly appalling. They both finished seeing it with wide-eyed horror and understanding of how bad it is.
It is the only case I know of where the movie hype (the movie advertises itself as the worst movie ever) actually understates the case.
I can't really think of anything one could do to make a movie worse. Boring won't suffice. Bad special effects will never hold a candle to this. Lack of plot? Try again. Acting? Ouch. Continuity? Huh?
Mod parent down as ogre^H^H^H^H^H troll
Life is like a sewer; what you get out of it depends on what you put into it...
... until you have seen a Godfrey Ho ninja movie.
;p
Godfrey Ho's business plan:
1/ Take random unknown unfinished Asian kungfu movie
2/ Add Western actors in ludicrous ninja suits
3/ Try and connect the two totally disconnected storylines (hilarity ensues)
4/ ???
5/ Profit!
For starters, Ninja Terminator and Ninja Thunderbolt are true classics. Nothing can beat Richard Harrisson using a Garfield-shaped phone or throwing shuriken at crabs in his kitchen, not to mention Jaguar Wong kicking a 4-inch stone 300 yards away at the baddies
Words aren't enough to describe them. They aren't mere movies: they are a life-redefining experience. Go rent the DVDs and experience them yourself!
Do not however make fun of ninjas - for they are the one true Real Ultimate Power!
Episode I: A crazy rastafarian lizard hopping around a cartoon field going "okee-day" and avoiding humorous-sounding big blue "boomers". The worst child actor ever going "yipee!" as he accidentally blows up a ship's core reactor in the main hangar bay.
Episode II: Natalie & Hayden in Venice talking about sand and then 15 minutes of cartoon Jedis saying "look over there!" and pointing at cartoon storm troopers. Also a stupid "detective" story in a non-Star Wars-esque 1950s diner.
Episode III is up-in-the-air.
I can think of at least two things wrong with that title...
I did, but it was on Sky Movies[1], and I don't pay the Sky subscription.
God, it's pretty bad sci-fi. It's obviously strait to video fodder. No redeeming features, bad direction, stupid blue filters everywhere. Not a very interesting story either.
And then the millenia old Harrier Jump-jets turn up. That still work, despite the oodles of millenia they've been lying around. They then manage to fly one of the hardest to fly aircraft in existance with no training.
I can't remember what happens at the end apart from the evil bad guy being locked up in Fort Knox, and the alien planet blowing up, but I'm in no rush to watch the film again. Ever.
Gah!
I still want a refund, despite not paying anything to see it.
[1] Well, it was actually Sky Moviemax as it was before Moviemax and Premiere were merged into one set of channels. Sky loves changing the names of it's movie channels every couple of years.
10 PRINT "LOOK AROUND YOU ";
20 GOTO 10
Personally I really hated "Dr. T and the women!"
;-)
Robert Altman made some pretty good movies, but this wasn't it. The "women" are the most annoying of their kind and the whole story feels absolutely pointless. The ending, where Richard Gere gets carried away by a hurricane and dropped in a mexican city where the doctor continues to help the local women is ridiculous to say the least. The acting is ok, but why watch such a terribly long and boring movie when there is absolutely no identifiable storyline?
I wish the movie would have been "Mr. T. and the women". That could have been a lot more fun.
I've seen Plan 9 twice.
The first time, our extended family watched it. Between "Mr. Gun Safety," the replacement vampire, tombstones getting knocked over, and the general incoherence, everyone was in pain from laughing so hard. You know how it is when you laugh so hard, you have to leave the room so that you can breathe? Imagine what happens when everyone tries to leave the room!
I bought the DVD and watched it by myself. It was terrible. Not "funny" terrible. Just terrible.
Clearly, there's some critical number of people needed to watch this movie. When you get the right number, it's wonderful - like a real-life episode of MST3K.
This sig seemed like a good idea at the time....
Isn't there some Slashdot rule about complaining about what your girlfriend makes you do?
--
"Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos." - Homer Simpson [1F10]
Absolutely. I went to see it with my (now ex) girlfriend because of the rave reviews it was getting all over the media. The only thing that did for us was getting me horny and she sleppy. Bad, bad combination (*cries like a little girl*).
Dude, Denise Richards was in it. Plus, there was blood, gore, and some boobies.
:P
Those factors right there were worth it.
Like being kicked in the head by a donkey as a child...
And unlike the other well known outer space movie, it avoids being funny in a completely unintentional way.
I also went to see this with my (now ex) girlfriend on our first date. She picked the movie and I thought to myself: "Kubric isn't that bad". Happily thinking about A Clockwork Orange (which is a must-see), and 2001 A Space Odyssey I purchased a ticket.
10 minutes into the movie I'm staring at Nicole Kidmans nipples, thinking to myself "My God, those things are huge on the big screen" trying to supress a chuckle at the thought. About an hour later Tom Cruise is walking around in a castle with people prancing around naked (amongst other things), and my first thought is "Is this like a subtle hint from her?".
On our second date she chose again, and this time she chose Cruel Intentions, which contains a scene where one of the main character performs cunnilingus using the alphabet. Again my first thought is "Subtle hint?"
When we were together for about a year, and went to see or rent several movies, it turned out that each movie she chose always had sex or explicit references to sex in it. She would just pick something at random, and about 10 or 20 minutes into the movie there would be a pair of breasts on the screen.
I miss that girl...
I totally agree.
You had me at "dicks fuck assholes".
Highlander 2 retroactively ruined the original Highlander [1]. Mathematically it follows that H2 must therefore rate about a -8 on a scale of 1 to 10. Since the Highlander franchise was already in complete ruin by H3, that movie could not have scored negative, since that would violate the Law of Conservation of Movie Ratings.
Indeed, a normal film cannot rate below 1/10, but aggregate films (ones with sequels, prequels, spin-offs, etc.) can be treated as elements of a greater meta-film that carries its own meta-rating. That means that these films are in the priveleged position of being able to earn negative ratings, with the proviso that the meta-rating (a sum of the regular ratings) must remain positive. This is due to the parity rules in Copenhagen formulation of the Law of Conservation of Movie Ratings, the mathematics of which are too complex to get into here.
Negative ratings are very special, because they mean that the movie was so bad that it ruined a completely different movie, one which was otherwise a perfectly fine film. It takes a very special film to accomplish this. Most bad sequels are merely bad, but they do not spoil one's enjoyment of the earlier films. Thus they merely earn low, but positive, ratings, and do not cause the earlier films to mysteriously become bad through association. However, if the original film, once highly thought of, is no longer enjoyable after a sequel, only then does the possibility of an actual negative movie rating become conceivable.
There are very few films that meet this criteria, and Highlander 2 is the finest example of this select group. Therefore the original poster is correct [2]. Highlander II is the Worst Movie of All Time. QED.
----
Footnotes:
At the time, there was a fellow on USENET who had as a sig something like this:
There can be only one! -- The Highlander
There should have been only one! I want my money back! -- Me
Tom Swiss | the infamous tms | my blog
You cannot wash away blood with blood
When the hell did Slashdot become Fark?
Strange...
:-)
You're complaining about a movie about a troll.
As a result you get modded as a troll.
Shouldn't you therefore like Shrek?
You specifically forgot one movie:
Spellchecker.
1. Mortal Kombat (it's with K, just like the games were!)
2. Street Fighter
3. you wrote this one right.
4. I assume you meant Soldier
and the last is Alien Vs. Predator. (also based on a game tho)
You forgot Super Mario and Tomb Raider tho...
^_^
Mild spoiler: It features a giant flying rock head that vomits guns on barbarians. I am not making this up. Giant flying head made of stone, guns are projected from its mouth...
Don't forget the stone head's mantra: "Guns good; Penis bad"
"Listen: We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different!" - Kurt Vonnegut
The only explanation I could come up with for Signs was that the aliens were not invading. They were actually just dropping off their retarded. Once you realize the aliens are mentally handicapped it all makes sense.
My Blog
I can't believe we made it this far in the thread with a Highlander 2 reference. As soon as the line, "don't you remember? We're aliens..." shows up, you know you're in trouble. Absolutely the worst film ever...
Stop by my site where I write about ERP systems & more
When I saw Batman whip out his "Bat Credit Card" in the middle of some crazy rave party with dancing gorillas,
Are you serious? And this is the worst movie you've ever seen? Because you've just sold it to me in half a sentence...
Never had a girlfriend, have you?
my favorite part was at the end when God saves the family from the aliens by passing a cryptic message ("swing away") through their dying mother. basically, God said "pick up that baseball bat and beat the crap out of that alien so that water will fall on him". this was a great plan, because everybody knows aliens are water-soluble and aren't advanced enough to defend against baseball bats.
NOTE TO HOLLYWOOD: aliens and religous messages don't mix.
Mod the parent down before more are made aware that such a movie existed!
Trolls lurk everywhere. Mod them down.
Only on /. would this get modded as +4 Insightful.
I just got a mental image of 100's of nerds rushing out of their house to try and find a copy of the movie
Double plus ungood troll
I know it is hard to imagine, but there are actually people out there who think for themselves instead of just repeating the party line.
We are all individuals ... I'm not ... shhhh!
That movie was so horrible it gave rubber nipples a bad name.
See it, but tear your own eyes out first.
All the creatures will die, And all the things will be broken. That's the law of samurai. (Jubai, 1605)
Boy, they weren't kidding, were they.
..don't panic
Zardoz does have elements of The Prisoner, along with elements of Logan's Run. Honestly, I think The Prisoner and Logan's Run did a MUCH better job.
Zardoz is 2 hours of my life I'm afraid I'll never getting back.
Don Head
UNIX/Linux Administrator
Watching at home is like masturbation. Pathetic, lonely, and sad.
Its disturbing how accurate that analogy is.
It's weird, but not bad. It was competently made
;-)
Oh come on! Look at the Zardoz-vomits-riffles scene with a critical eye. You can obsiously see that guns are simply thrown out by the handfull by someone off camera, its laughable!
They could have had a few people throwing them constantly to mask the very noticable pause when the person was picking up another handfull of guns, that would have been competant. Having just one guy throw a handfull, pause to pick up more, throw another handfull, repeat, was not a moment of competant film making.
Of course, this is 1970's sci-fi, of which only Star Wars was good, so its is almost forgivable...its at least understandable.
I think you can watch the movie and get something out of it.
I love Zardoz, I love it for its all-out, honest, face value cheezy badness. And the boobies
It shares a similar feel to another great late 60's/early 70's weirdfest, The Prisoner (the tv show).
If by that you mean that its creators were OBVIOUSLY really, really high when they concieved it, then yes : )
But at least they waited until they sobered up before making the Prisoner, Zardoz looks like it was written, shot and edited while under the influence of various and diverse psychotropic substances : )
You can't take the sky from me...
IIRC, Mystery Science Theater 3000's Mike Nelson once opined that Batman & Robin was a serious contender for the title of "Worst Thing Ever." :D