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AOL Builds New IE-Based Browser
jfruhlinger writes "According to News.com.com.com, America Online is preparing to release a free AOL-branded browser that is 'based on Microsoft's Internet Explorer technology.' The browser will be available to users who don't have AOL as their ISP. I admit that I find this development baffling -- not only does AOL already own a browser, but why on earth would a non-AOL user want to use an AOL-branded version of IE?"
Okay, I can't.
AOL is for dumb users. IE is for dumb users. This is a perfect match.
(This will probably get me modded as flamebait, but in the old days of Slashdot, it wouldn't.)
Its IE OPTIMIZED!
AOL OS?
*user clicks close button*
[POPUP:] Thank you for being an AOL Browser user! I'm sorry you have decided to stop using it. I'm going to go ahead and leave it open for a few more minutes, for FREE.
*shows [OK] button only*
ermmm...
Someone had to say it....
----
CUZ TEH INTERNET IS SO MUCH DIF3RENT WHEN UR VEIWNG IT WIT AOL!!1! OMG LOL
NOW I CAN AUTOMATICALLY POST IN ALL CAPS!
but the damn slashdot filter seems to know I'm using AOL.
I'd use IE branded butt wipe, AOL for that matter, too.
No Nyarlathotep, No Chaos
Know Nyarlathotep, Know Chaos
AOL CDs....Now with more crap !
... doot doot doot !!!
AOL must want a browser with all of the latest security holes, without the work.
"(...) but why on earth would a non-AOL user want to use an AOL-branded version of IE?"
:)
I believe this is called "masochism".
The problem with Slashdot memes is that YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD!
"why on earth would a non-AOL user want to use an AOL-branded version of IE?"
It's a tech support warning marker.
User: My system is slow and unresponsive and it keeps asking me if I a bride from Soviet Russia
Tech: Uh, ok sir. What Operating System, web browser/version,
User: I've got Microsoft Windows ME with Internet Explorer from AOL.. [click... dial tone] Hello?
Michalangelo Progr
That's easy to explain. First they tried something logical. Buy netscape. Open up codebase. Attract zillions of developers. Use enhanched codebase for own brand. Whatever.
It didn't work out as they expected. So now, they must think: we tried something that made a lot of sense and it didn't work. Maybe if we try out something that doesn't make any sense it will work. Simple and logical.
I've had a really bad experience trying to cancel AOL some years ago.
I don't know whether the person on the phone accidentally gave me the wrong number or if they were trying to throw a hint at me. I called their customer service center and asked to cancel the account. She fought tooth and nail to get me not to cancel (of course) and finally gave me a phone number to call in order to cancel. Okay, but there was one problem when I called.
"To talk live to a hot, horny girl, press 1."
I have no idea whether she gave me the wrong number (I read it back about three times to confirm) or she was hinting to me to "go fuck myself" because I wanted to cancel.
And, if you actually manage to close it, it puts your pops up messages periodically asking if you'd like to reopen it...
(Anonymously to protect the shame of having once been an AOL user oh so long ago...)
Evil A + Evil B = More evil!
Or perhaps these two wrongs will make a right? What if it's THE BEST BROWSER WE'VE EVER SEEN!!111 ROTF LOLOL!!11
Sorry... I forgot to use firefox instead of that new AOL browser. It turned everything I typed into leet speak!
Sony ha
Stop insulting Swiss Cheese!
"[Regarding the 'cloud,'] ownership was what made America different than Russia." -- Woz
Yep yep. Am I evil for thinking that this may be beneficial to me as an IT consultant? I figure that I tell clients that AOL is crap and it's their problem their money if they continue to use it. (AOL's autofix thing for network connections, by the way, has broken the connections of two of my clients' computers and costs them a fortune for me to come out there and delete AOL's autoconfig'ed settings. Stupid, stupid stuff.) I know this is all horribly off topic but whatever.
That sounds just like the kind of shit RealPlayer used to pull.
;)
From what little of it I have seen recently it has calmed down a little, but it used to get everywhere.
Perhaps the coder in charge of screen real estate got a new job at AOL
liqbase
You've cancelled AOL more than once?
You've got a virus!
Comment removed based on user account deletion
"Think of the Internet as a Highway." There it is again. Some clueless fool talking about the "Information Superhighway." They don't know didley about the net. It's nothing like a superhighway. That's a rotten metaphor. Suppose the metaphor ran in the other direction. Suppose the highways were like the net. . . A highway hundreds of lanes wide. Most with pitfalls for potholes. Privately operated bridges and overpasses. No highway patrol. A couple of rent-a-cops on bicycles with broken whistles. 500 member vigilante posses with nuclear weapons. A minimum of 237 on ramps at every intersection. No signs. Wanna get to Ensenada? Holler out the window at a passing truck to ask directions. Ad hoc traffic laws. Some lanes would vote to make use by a single-occupant- vehicle a capital offense on Monday through Friday between 7:00 and 9:00. Other lanes would just shoot you without a trial for talking on a car phone. AOL would be a giant diesel-smoking bus with hundreds of ebola victims on board throwing dead wombats and rotten cabbage at the other cars, most of which have been assembled at home from kits. Some are built around 2.5 horsepower lawnmower engines with a top speed of nine miles an hour. Others burn nitrogylcerin and idle at 120. No license plates. World War II bomber nose art instead. Terrifying paintings of huge teeth or vampire eagles. Bumper mounted machine guns. Flip somebody the bird on this highway and get a white phosphorus grenade up your tailpipe. Flatbed trucks cruise around with anti-aircraft missile batteries to shoot down the traffic helicopter. Little kids on tricycles with squirtguns filled with hydrochloric acid switch lanes without warning. NO OFFRAMPS. None. Now that's the way to run an Interstate Highway system.
I'm not anti-social, I'm anti-idiot.
When they ask why you're leaving the country, tell 'em, "To get away from AOL!"
~REZ~ #43301. Who'd fake being me anyway?
"Microsoft killed Netscape, and AOL gobbled it up. And out of which, Mozilla was born."
And so at last the beast fell and the unbelievers rejoiced. But all was not lost, for from the ash rose a great bird. The bird gazed down upon the unbelievers and cast fire and thunder upon them. For the beast had been reborn with its strength renewed, and the followers of Mammon cowered in horror.
The Book of Mozilla, 7:15
My dad is a real character and loves to mess with people on the telephone. More on that in a minute. The family has had an AOL account for seven years now, and the last three years no one has used it much. Dad has broadband, and my sisters have moved out and gotten their own Internet access, though they still use the e-mail and IM accounts. However, he's remained an AOL subscriber because they simply will not let him cancel.
First off, they make it very difficult to find the phone number to unsubscribe. They want you to talk to a rep in an AOL chatroom so you can watch the AOL software suddenly barf all manner of whizbang new features on your screen. Like Athena springing from the forehead of Zeus, improved Instant Messaging Capabilities suddenly emerge from the dark recesses of AOL 9.0. How cool is that? say the hard sell salespeople. You decide to keep it for a few months to explore all the new features AOL has to offer. It's optimized now, you know.
However, we have the secret digits that will put us in contact with a real live person. That's because I put up with thirty minutes of annoying AOL popups (A/S/L? A/S/L? A/S/L?) and intentionally poorly-designed navigation to find it. That was nine months ago. Whenever my dad calls to cancel, they give him a ten minute sales pitch, then offer him a few months for free. Since my sisters don't want to go through the hassle of registering for free e-mail and Instant Messager accounts, he consents. When AOL decides to bill his credit card six weeks later, we go through the same elaborate dance.
But not this time. My dad decided to cancel for good. He called the secret number and talked to a customer service representative, whom I'll call Jennifer. Mostly because I don't remember her real name, but also because I like the name Jennifer. It reminds me of Larry Appleton's girlfriend on Perfect Strangers, and she was one classy dame. Ahh, Jennifer, mon amor! Je veux baiser votre main! Um, I digress. Anyway, Customer Service Rep Jennifer spent ten minutes trying to convince him that AOL was Better! Than! Ever!!! If he stayed on, Snoop Dogg and Jerry Stiller would come party with him. He could put them on his Buddy List, which he could now access on his cell phone.
My dad remained calm and told them that he did not own a computer anymore.
They informed him that that wasn't a problem,: they'd give him a computer.
Okay... That's when my dad rolled out the big guns. He didn't need a computer, he explained, because he'd gotten rid of the old one for religious reasons. He was sick of decadent, sinful "English" society and was moving to farm country to live with the Amish. Yea, verily he would have no electricity for their Internet-ready computer, or cell phone IM's, or anything like that. He wanted to ride a buggy, not surf AOL 9.0 Optimized.
Jennifer was nonplussed, since nobody resisted the siren call of free service and Snoop Doggy Dogg. She put Dad on hold while she got her manager to set him straight. My dad reiterated that he wanted to cancel, he had no computer and did not want one, he was moving to farm country to live with the Amish. Would Snoop help churn butter, would Jerry Stiller help raise a barn? Nay, he thought not. Eventually the manager gave in and agreed to cancel the account.
However, he asked, since Dad was so religious, perhaps America Online could offer him a Great Deal on a church website?
Heathen! Thou art truly clueless, and will surely burn in hell. Click.
--All your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson