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Pair Arrested After Telling Lawyer Jokes
fembots writes "Two men were arrested for telling lawyer jokes while standing in line leading into First District Court. A spokesman for the Nassau courts said the men were causing a stir and that their exercise of their First Amendment rights to free speech was impeding the rights of others at the court."
A: Good morning, Your Honor.
Q: How do you tell if a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: Why do they bury lawyers 100 feet into the ground?
A: Because down deep, they're good people.
Q: What's the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
A: Wing tips
This First Post has an order bug
The package said "Windows XP or better. Pentium Class Processor or better"... So I got a Mac with OS X
...someone better explain to them what IANAL means before they start the sodomy lawsuits...
Trolling is a art,
I saw this story on Fark and for spite, everyone told their most offensive lawyer joke.
The easily offended should stop reading now.
A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street together when a young boy crosses their path. The priest says "hey, you wanna screw that boy?" To which the lawyer replies, "Out of what?"
What do you call a thousand lawyers on the ocean floor?
A good start.
Carthago delenda est!
when your first amendment rights are being violated? ...Your lips are moving!
Thankyou, I'll be here all week.
You're doing it wrong.
After all, just 90% of lawyers make the other 10% look bad...
Life is short; think quickly.
...I stick to dead baby jokes. Since they can't talk, they can't tattle on me.
Wouldn't this be "Your Rights inline" ?
Q. How many lawyer jokes are there?
A. Two - the rest are all true stories.
-sid
Q: How many RIAA lawyers does it take to screw in a light blub?
A: We at the RIAA think we will never really know, as we are fairly sure that each lightbulb changed by a home internet user represents a lost lightbulb installation fee, which in turn affects the not just the RIAA lawyers but the Lighting Technicians and Carpenters and all the little people involved in music production to such an extent that we now have to over-task our lawyers to combat the menace of the Open Standard Lightbulb Organizations. Th pressure generated by these OSLOs, in turn, prevents us from determining the natural lawyer to lightbulb ratio. Until Congress acts to plug this fee-structure leakage with an appropriate rights management technology and enacts proper criminal penalties for circumvention of our natural right to control the exercise of the lightbulb changing task, we will be forced to file John Doe lawsuits in order to gain the suppoena power necessary to compel the lightbulb supply corporations with the names and addresses of their clearly infringing customers.
Innocent people shouldn't be forced to pay for inferior software development.
--"Code Complete" Microsoft Press
From reading the article, it looks like they've successfully charged Statler and Waldorf.
Thank you so much, America, for putting these Muppets where they belong.
Now, what to do about Fozzy.....
Lawyer: Stop calling me names or I will sue you!
Jock: Shut up or I will squash you!
Geek: Shut up or I will hack into your Xbox!
W: Shut up or I will invade you!
French: Shut up or I will propose a UN resolution against you!
SCO: Shut up or I will demand a licensing fee!
Boss: Shut up or I will outsource your job!
Microsoft: Shut up or I will create a competing product.....and subsidize it!
Slashdotter: Shut up or I will mod you down!
Goatse: Shut up or I will send your mom a special email!
Table-ized A.I.
Q: How many RIAA lawyers does it take to screw in a light blub?
A: RIAA lawyers don't have time to screw in lightbulbs, silly! They're too busy screwing 14 year old kids and their grandmothers...
So if I tell some blond jokes, does this mean some blonds will come and handcuff me?
The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you. - Tom Bradley
Stay on-topic by adding lawyer jokes here
A noble cause. But, as they say, no good deed goes unpunished!
Slashdot: Failed Car Analogies. Amateur Lawyering. Anecdote Battles.
I'll humiliate him until he goes home crying.
What are you going to do...call him a lawyer?
Q: Why don't sharks eat lawyers?
A: Professional Courtesy
Q: What's the difference between a dead possum in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the possum.
Q: What do you call 1,000 lawyers on a sinking ship?
A: A good start Q: What's the other difference between a lawyer and a hooker?
A: There are some things a hooker won't do for money
Why is it that the proponents of "one nation under God" are so eager to get rid of "liberty and justice for all"?
Instead of having them arrested for telling jokes!
--
"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
A good lawyer can get them off.
Oh, wait....
When VCR's are outlawed, only outlaws will have VCR's.
A lawyer wrote a will for an elderly lady. She asked the price and he said, "One hundred dollars, please." She gave him a crisp new $100 bill without noticing that a second $100 bill was stuck to it. Immediately, the lawyer faced an ethical dilemma: "Do I have to report this on my taxes?"
Curiosity was framed; ignorance killed the cat. -- Author unknown
A rabbi, preist, lawer and some kids are in a lifeboat, after thier ship sank. The lifeboat is overloaded and beginning to sink. The rabbi says, "We've all had full lives; we should jump overboard to save the children."
The lawer says,"Screw the children!"
The priest says,"Do you think we have time?"
If Mr. Edison had thought smarter he wouldn't sweat as much. --Nikola Tesla
What next? At this rate, it won't be long before we see Your Rights Online: Ashlee Simpson Booed
Well, that wasn't exactly what I was hoping for.......... but it's close.
They could have been telling hunter jokes in the woods.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to violate someone's first amendment rights?
A:(from a lawyer): THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
A:(from anyone else): Just one.
General Relativity: Space-time tells matter where to go; Matter tells space-time what shape to be.
There was a trucker driving down the highway, when he came across a priest hitchhiking on the side of the road. Being the good christian, he offered the priest a ride. The priest accepted, and they were off down the road again. A little while later, the trucker saw a lawyer hitchiking by the side of the road too. Well, the trucker did the only thing he thought right, he pulled the truck over to the side of the road thinking to run down the lawyer, but at the last minute he remebered that there was a priest sitting next to him, and swerved to miss the lawyer. As he passed, he heard a loud bump. OH NO! he thought I killed a lawyer with a priest sitting next to me. I'm going to go to hell. He turned to the priest, and said "Sorry Father, I didn't mean to." to which the Priest replied, "Dont worry my son, I got him with the door!"
I LIKE TOAST!!!
We at the law firms of Dewey, Beatum, and Run represent the roman catholic church in this lawsuit against you for causing a disturbance with the malicious use of the phrase "jesus tapdancing christ". :P
It's been a long time.
Q: What do you do if you see a lawyer with his head blown off?
A: Laugh and reload
A lawyer gets killed in a horrible accident. Stop cheering and let me finish the joke.
Q: Why do lawyers where ties?
A: To keep their foreskins down.
Q: Whats the ideal weight for a lawyer?
A: About three pounds with the urn.
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thin you slice them.
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.
What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A lobotomy.
What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.